We're Bald And Beautiful | SHAKE MY BEAUTY
Join us as we follow the lives of four women who are affected by alopecia.
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00:00 It makes me feel good that I get to educate people about this condition
00:05 because usually they just think like, "Oh, she shaved her head really bad."
00:09 Hi, my name is Sierra and I have alopecia.
00:26 Alopecia is an autoimmune disorder that causes your body's immune system to
00:31 somehow, for whatever reason, think that your hair is a foreign body or a virus.
00:36 And so it'll keep attacking and attacking and attacking until the hair
00:39 dies and it falls out.
00:42 So I feel with alopecia sometimes you can feel a little bit of a tingling sensation
00:48 or just a slight burn or a dull numbing almost.
00:52 There is no treatment nor is there any cure for alopecia.
00:57 All of this is from the top of my head and the back of my hair.
01:05 So there's just a lot of them that was in old clumps and it just feels...
01:10 God, you can still see all the little hair roots.
01:13 I remember very clearly the first day it happened.
01:16 It was at the very end of my eighth grade year and I was in gym class.
01:20 I was hanging out with two of my female friends and we just finished up running.
01:24 And most of the time I end up sweating a lot on my head and with sweat I get a little itchy.
01:29 I remember reaching behind my head and I scratched one spot that was quite irritated at the time.
01:36 And then I noticed I felt almost something release from my scalp.
01:41 And I withdrew my hand and I looked down and I saw at least eight hairs within my hand.
01:47 I just brushed it off at that time.
01:50 However, I didn't realize that it was going to get much, much worse from there.
01:56 Every time I washed my head, whenever I scratched it, whenever I just brushed it with my hand,
02:05 more and more would come out.
02:06 I would hear people talking about me.
02:09 I would hear people whispering about me saying like, "Oh my God, look at her. What is wrong with her?"
02:16 I wanted to feel good about myself when I looked in the mirror, but I couldn't.
02:23 No matter how hard I tried because all I saw was this ugly bald girl.
02:27 And so I wanted to be able to go on a place, even if it was online, where I just felt normal for once.
02:34 Instead of people just seeing me as the bald girl.
02:42 Good boy. Yay.
02:46 Oh, you're a good boy.
02:48 Do you remember what I said?
02:50 Hi, nice to meet you.
02:52 Oh, is that what I said?
02:53 Pretty basic.
02:54 Very basic?
02:55 Really basic.
02:56 Okay.
02:57 And the conversation kind of went to long lines of, "What brought you to my little corner of the web?"
03:00 And then you said, "I thought you were pretty."
03:02 Yeah, something like that.
03:04 I remember the feeling I had when I first Skyped him as well.
03:09 I was very scared because I didn't really inform him about what I looked like.
03:16 A part of me didn't want to start Skyping him just because I was so afraid, like,
03:20 "Oh, the moment the camera comes on, that's it. He is out the door."
03:24 You literally said nothing.
03:26 And I kind of was looking at you for a little bit, like, waiting for you to say something to me.
03:31 But you never did.
03:33 And that was the first time ever.
03:37 Ever since my condition started that someone didn't even question it.
03:41 This was one of our first dates, I think.
03:49 I don't remember when that was, honestly.
03:51 Yeah, it was at some point. I was visiting you.
03:54 You treat me like a normal, normal teenage girl.
04:04 She thanks me all the time for treating her like a normal human being.
04:08 And this is a photo that we took together. I was having a lot of fun there.
04:16 That was a fun day at the park.
04:18 When I first saw her in the video chat, I thought she was really cute.
04:32 Does the alopecia bother me? No, it's never bothered me.
04:36 And I like your hairlines.
04:38 Love the patterns in it.
04:41 I kind of grew up a grungy kid, so if I could get her into some jeans without her getting all sour,
04:47 and a leather jacket, like, we could totally go do the punk rock thing.
04:50 And that would be awesome.
04:52 [Music]
04:55 Thanks.
05:00 People treat me normally here, and I'm very grateful for that.
05:06 And I love the clean air. I love how everyone is so accepting of one another.
05:13 After I met my now-fiancé, I was becoming much more confident within myself.
05:21 I felt beautiful. And I think people gravitated towards that,
05:25 because for the first time, I genuinely felt good about myself.
05:31 I'm just lucky to be alive in a society where people are mostly accepting and don't bat an eye.
05:47 You are a spectacle, to be sure. But not for the reasons you think you are.
05:52 You help me feel like my true self, and who I want to be and who I strive to be.
06:02 And I thank you so much for that.
06:14 I have alopecia universalis, which means I have no hair on my body.
06:19 Alopecia affected me every single day. I had to put on a mask and hair to face the world.
06:27 I started embracing my baldness during the pandemic, because I no longer had to go into the office every day.
06:33 Today, I am going with my mum to my local coffee shop.
06:38 Going out completely uncovered is making me feel a bit nervous.
06:41 I feel like it's a real statement, but it's a statement I'm ready to make.
06:44 Right, OK, I'm ready.
06:46 How I wake up in the morning, people will assume I'm not well.
06:55 And that's really difficult, because I'm happy, I'm healthy, I just happen to be bald.
06:59 I have alopecia universalis, which means I have no hair on my body, and it's been that way since I was 12 years old.
07:07 I was at the hairdressers, and she spotted it as she was parting my hair.
07:11 And she beckoned my mum over, because I was 12, so I was at the hairdressers with my mum.
07:15 And I just remember looking at them in the mirror and seeing the concern in my mum's face,
07:21 and the hairdresser pretending everything was OK.
07:25 That was the first moment that alopecia came into my life, effectively.
07:29 And from there, that little bald patch at the back of my head developed quite quickly over the coming months,
07:35 until I basically didn't have any hair over the back of my head.
07:39 I actually said to my mum, "I can't do this anymore, I can't hide, I need to get a wig now."
07:45 And then as soon as this idea of a wig was introduced, it felt like that was the only option.
07:50 And I'm like, "OK, great, we're shaving your head, we're putting a wig on your head, that's it now, Laura, you're the girl with the wig."
07:56 I will always remember one of my best female friends telling me that the boy that I had the biggest crush on
08:04 referred to me as Laura, the one with the wig, because there were two Lauras in our year group.
08:10 Alopecia affected me every single day in my pre-pandemic life,
08:17 in the sense that I had to put on a mask and hair to face the world every single day.
08:25 For me, from the point of waking up, showering, moisturising,
08:31 letting that soak in before I can do brow tattoos or lashes,
08:37 I'd say I need to always leave at least an hour to present myself to the world.
08:43 And it's extra difficult. Alopecia is an autoimmune condition.
08:47 I have alopecia, eczema and asthma. I've got the full tripod of autoimmune conditions.
08:53 So it's extra hard because sometimes my scalp is really sore.
08:58 So I'm putting makeup and wigs on top of really sore skin just to make everyone else feel comfortable.
09:04 But actually I'm in agony, which is just ridiculous.
09:08 I started embracing my baldness during the pandemic because I no longer had to go into the office every day.
09:14 And I realised how liberating it was not to have to go through that in the morning,
09:20 every morning before I could just exist.
09:22 I first started using social media during the pandemic as well.
09:25 I started following these accounts with beautiful bald women and seeing how they were embracing their baldness.
09:30 And I just remember thinking, I could never do that. I could never be that person.
09:35 And it was only through following and building friendships with these people from all over the world that I've got alopecia.
09:41 And realising that I wasn't alone in this condition and it was normal to them and my experience was normal.
09:48 It really changed everything for me.
09:50 Hello. Hello, hello, hello. How are you doing? I'm alright.
09:53 Do you want a cuppa? Thank you.
09:55 Today I am going with my mum to my local coffee shop where I've been a few times.
10:01 I've worn my bandana there once, but I tend to wear wigs because it's a very busy place.
10:06 And there's lots of local people that I feel like might see me around town.
10:10 But I want to go bald today.
10:12 I feel excited and terrified because it's a very small town.
10:18 People know me. People might recognise me.
10:21 I'm so ready to take this next step in my confidence journey.
10:24 That's my cutest stage. Yes.
10:27 Mum's been amazing in terms of my hair loss journey, both practically and emotionally.
10:32 Practically because you've been the person that's had to buy my wigs.
10:35 You had to fund my alopecia.
10:37 And emotionally it was difficult because I don't think you knew what to do.
10:41 I don't think we felt in control of the situation.
10:44 It was horrible. It was... I wouldn't wish this.
10:49 I would rather have had alopecia myself.
10:52 I'm just proud of Laura for accepting who she is and for knowing that your hair doesn't define you.
11:02 You've done it yourself. You have turned it round and you have realised that you're worth so much more.
11:08 I am so proud, Laura. I am so proud.
11:11 OK, I'm really beginning to feel hungry.
11:15 OK, you're right. Well, we can go.
11:17 Yeah.
11:19 Going out today completely uncovered is making me feel a bit nervous.
11:23 I feel like it's a real statement, but it's a statement I'm ready to make.
11:26 Right, OK, I'm ready.
11:29 Good.
11:31 After you.
11:33 So I actually feel really good now I'm here.
11:38 I wasn't sure how I was going to feel because I've come here before in my bandana, I've come in my wig.
11:44 I really love it here.
11:45 And I have noticed a couple of people looking.
11:47 My younger self never ever wanted to or thought they wanted to be outside embracing their alopecia.
11:54 But I was clearly lying to myself because I feel so much happier.
11:58 Today is probably one of my proudest moments in my local town.
12:04 Being able to comfortably go and enjoy a meal with friends and my mum and not overthink it.
12:13 I felt comfortable being bored today.
12:15 So that is probably my best moment.
12:17 I used to think alopecia was a reason for me to hide away.
12:26 It made me feel like my hair was everything that I had to offer.
12:30 I lost all sense of my femininity and I struggled with depression and the feeling of utter loneliness.
12:35 Now I think alopecia is empowering.
12:39 It's something that's shown me that I'm stronger than ever.
12:43 I started wearing wigs in my junior year of high school because I couldn't hide anymore all the bald spots that were on top of my head.
13:00 I have this really pretty purple one.
13:02 This is what I would probably wear if I was going out and I wanted to wear hair.
13:08 This one's a little bit sassier.
13:10 My name is Kayla Harder. I'm 20 years old and I'm living with alopecia.
13:14 Alopecia is an immune disease in which your white blood cells attack your hair because they see it as completely foreign like a virus or a bacteria.
13:24 I have alopecia totalis which is no hair on my head but I have hair in other parts of my body.
13:30 My hair used to be one of my absolute favourite things about me.
13:35 Really, really long, thick hair.
13:38 When I was in 8th grade I decided to get a haircut.
13:41 So I went to this hair salon and she started pinning up parts and sections of my hair and she kind of had this weird look on her face.
13:49 And I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Do you know you have bald spots?"
13:54 So then I ended up going to the doctor and the dermatologist and they diagnosed me with alopecia.
14:01 I didn't even know what to do.
14:04 You know, as a girl your hair represents your femininity and to just kind of have that taken away from you is really unfair.
14:12 It was one of my favourite things about myself that's just being stolen from me.
14:18 I wasn't as happy-go-lucky. I wasn't as positive.
14:21 In my mind everything was going to grow back. I could hide it and stuff like that.
14:26 But when I started losing more and more and more of it, it got harder to cope with.
14:31 Wondering if my wig's on right, if it looks real, or if it's going to fall off or if someone's going to touch it.
14:37 I used to think alopecia was a reason for me to hide away.
14:42 I stopped caring what people thought of me when I turned it into my trademark look.
14:47 I was tired of seeing all these patches in the mirror and I just shaved my whole head and then immediately after just posted it on Instagram.
14:56 It was this weight that had been lifted off my shoulder and I could finally just go out and do whatever I wanted to do and not have to worry about hiding anymore.
15:07 When I kind of came out about my alopecia more, wigs weren't really a scary hiding thing for me anymore.
15:14 I can show so much of my personality through wigs.
15:17 Short ones and long ones and colored ones and bright ones. I get to pick who I want to be every single time I wake up.
15:26 A lot of people started messaging me who have alopecia or who have all these other kinds of problems.
15:33 Just basically saying how proud they were of me and what I was doing for the alopecian community.
15:38 I get to show the world all the beautiful things that I can make with a bald head.
15:44 And I get to meet all these kinds of people who I never would have reached out to if I didn't have social media.
15:51 Hey guys, welcome to my channel. My name is Kayla Harder and I'm going to tell you a little bit about my life with alopecia.
15:58 I thought my dating life would definitely be limited.
16:00 I didn't really put myself out there a lot and I was really scared to kind of get into any kind of intimate relationships.
16:07 It was really hard for me to love myself. But now it feels like people almost love me more because of my shaved head.
16:15 I just kind of radiate a different sense of confidence with a bald head that I couldn't do with a full head of hair.
16:22 There's so many things to Kayla that make me proud to be here with her and proud to be her boyfriend.
16:27 Hair for women is such a personal thing.
16:30 She goes out bald in public, like, you know, she'd be on my arm and I would just, I would love it. I'd be smiling. I'd be radiant. I love her to death.
16:37 The first time I came out to anybody who wasn't a part of my close friend group was to an English teacher that I was really close with.
16:48 She had offered to help me with my personal statements that I was sending to college.
16:54 That's how she really found out that I had alopecia.
16:58 Do you remember writing this?
17:00 Oh, God. It was, seemed like a while ago. Let me see.
17:04 Being a 16 to 17 year old girl with once gorgeous, thick and long hair to just patches of hair was indescribably devastating.
17:13 I felt like I lost all sense of my femininity and I struggled with depression and the feeling of utter loneliness.
17:19 But with the help of my friends and family, I overcome the emotional obstacles.
17:23 I always thought you were so beautiful and so smart. When you're reading this to me, it makes my heart hurt for you.
17:29 Yeah.
17:30 But I'm so glad who you are now. I mean, I'm so happy that you've gotten so past it and that you've taken what could be difficult and embraced it.
17:39 I got there, but it took a long time, you know, to get from where I was in high school, like when you knew me to like where I am now, where I'm like, yeah, I'm confident, I'm sexy.
17:50 Like, you know, I want people to learn that alopecia is not debilitating and it's not a disease that can take over your entire life.
17:59 The worst thing you can say to someone with alopecia, are you sick? Do you have cancer?
18:04 It's literally just something that can take your hair away. And that's it.
18:08 Now I'm just owning it, living in my own skin and embracing who I am.
18:14 My message to people who look different is to embrace every single ounce of it and to just really let it shine through you because life is way too short to be hiding.
18:26 So you might as well love yourself. I think alopecia is something that is empowering for me.
18:33 It just showed me a strength in myself that I never knew I had before.
18:40 Having alopecia has really made me, you know, like root for the underdog.
18:45 Everyone matters. We all should have a voice. We all, you know, are beautiful in our own way.
18:53 [Music]
18:57 Do you want to look at these pictures?
19:20 This is actually when your hair first started falling out. You would put that barrette in.
19:24 Really?
19:25 You don't know that?
19:26 No, I didn't know.
19:27 That's where I noticed it was thinning and thinning.
19:28 To hide the part, like to pull it across?
19:30 No, I didn't know what was going on. It was just sitting. I thought I was putting the barrette in too tight. It was getting thinner. See?
19:36 You see the little spots there?
19:38 Yeah.
19:39 It wasn't until your fingernails came.
19:41 And look, that's when it's really falling out.
19:46 I was diagnosed with alopecia areata when I was two years old. And at that point, I had just had patches in my hair.
19:53 So, it wasn't my whole body, but it slowly progressed to when I lost all my hair.
20:00 And that includes my head, my eyebrows, my eyelashes, like my whole body.
20:04 When Kylie was first diagnosed with alopecia, it was just from her hair was kind of thinning out a little bit.
20:10 And then I noticed a weird combination of her nails fell off and there were other nails underneath.
20:16 And that's when I took her to the dermatologist.
20:19 And by that time, she had lost at least 50% of her hair.
20:22 And they kind of looked at me and said, "It's alopecia. There's nothing we can do. Have a nice day."
20:26 And as a parent, you're like, "What do you mean there's nothing you can do?"
20:30 Alopecia is when your autoimmune system attacks your hair follicles and then makes your hair fall off.
20:38 This is my fifth grade picture because my hair was really thinning and then it was just becoming my part.
20:45 And then I had that, like, ponytail. Like, only a ponytail.
20:49 What's that?
20:50 Right there.
20:52 There it is.
20:53 Yeah, that's the worst.
20:54 You've been onto that a long time.
20:57 And then that's when I shaved my head.
20:59 I knew that I was going to look a lot different than everybody else
21:03 and that I would have to find ways to come to terms with it because there was no hiding it anymore.
21:08 It was just going to have to be a part of, you know, who I was.
21:12 Sometimes I wish that I had hair, but I would never change it for a second.
21:16 I think the whole journey has made me exactly who I am and made me confident.
21:20 I don't think that I would have had this confidence if it wasn't for alopecia.
21:31 I work as a florist.
21:33 I answer the phone.
21:35 I do smaller scale arrangements like prom bouquets, you know, mixed bunches, things that when customers walk in.
21:42 So about once or twice a day at work, somebody comes in and addresses my alopecia
21:55 and asks me why I'm bald or if I'm going through treatment.
22:00 So I'm pretty used to it at this point.
22:03 Living with alopecia isn't necessarily hard, but it is a little bit exhausting.
22:12 Everybody has a comment or a question or, you know, wants to know why you don't have hair,
22:20 which is fine and I love to educate people and, you know, that's what I pride myself in doing.
22:26 I never wore a wig just because I wasn't attached to my hair.
22:31 I felt more insecure in a wig than not.
22:34 So I work closely with the National Alopecia Areata Foundation as a youth mentor.
22:46 Once a month I meet with the kids that I mentor.
22:51 I always try and take my experience, use that to help them, you know, go through their experience.
22:56 I have definitely experienced bullying.
22:59 Not necessarily the, you know, normal kind of bullying where someone just picks on you every day or something like that.
23:07 But even in the store, a little kid might be like, "Mom, is that a boy or a girl?"
23:12 Or if I'm in the woman's bathroom and someone like walks in at first and doesn't see me, like my face,
23:19 will jump back and look at the door and think, you know, they're in the wrong bathroom.
23:23 So my hair, I want to say about last year or the year before, started growing.
23:30 And it would always grow in the summer a little bit, just a tiny bit.
23:34 And then now it's been growing since last year all the time.
23:39 I let it grow a little bit last year and I hated it.
23:43 It just looked a little crazy.
23:45 I try to shave it as much as I can, but I also at this point, now I don't like to be completely bald, like baked back.
23:52 But I like it like just a little bit of hair, which is kind of what I have now.
23:56 I kind of embraced it and like I have, I guess, for the rest of my life.
24:14 I don't think Kylie has too many challenges with living with alopecia.
24:18 "How are you?" "Good, how are you?"
24:20 I know sometimes it can be hard for her when, like in a new place, if a lot of people are looking at her,
24:27 I know sometimes that can be a challenge.
24:30 But she always handles it really well and she's really open about it.
24:35 And she doesn't ever let it bother her.
24:38 You're like the only person that's ever done my eyelashes or eyebrows well.
24:44 That I would actually do it again.
24:46 Whenever we go out, Ky likes when I do her makeup.
24:49 So she normally doesn't do all the eyelashes and everything, but like sometimes for a fun event, she'll do them.
24:56 But honestly, I always tell her this all the time too, she really doesn't even need makeup.
25:00 And I'm always so jealous because she's one of those people who just looks so good without it.
25:04 "Okay, do I feel good?" "I think so."
25:12 "Yeah, looks good."
25:14 "I'm dry."
25:16 Kylie is definitely one of the strongest people I know and she inspires me every day.
25:31 And her self-esteem is just amazing.
25:34 She's constantly building up everybody around her and just kind of building their self-esteem too as well.
25:40 Which is just amazing and I really look up to her and admire her for that.
25:45 We always said Kylie smiley. She's like a ray of sunshine.
25:49 Always had a positive attitude. She was always a social butterfly, even as a baby.
25:53 And Alopecia didn't change it at all.
25:56 I think I've definitely pushed beauty standards and you know, it's definitely hard being a little bit different.
26:03 But I'm confident in myself and confident in you know, what I'm doing.
26:08 Sometimes I wish I had like long blonde hair, sure.
26:12 But I would never trade Alopecia for anything.
26:16 It's one of my favorite things about me. It's made me who I am and it's opened the door to so many things.
26:21 It's actually, to me, it's a strength, not a weakness.
26:25 [Music]
26:39 [Silence]