THEODORE and Dontez, met 3 years ago on Tinder and decided to make their relationship official in 2022. They were instantly attracted to each other and hit it off straight away. Dontez saw that Theodore was a trans man on his profile and fell in love with his smile. Theodore started his transition medically in 2018.
Not long after becoming official, the couple decided to start trying for a baby. Theodore made the decision to pause his transition in order to get pregnant and it took the couple a year to conceive. Only 4 months after their son, Dakota, was born, Theodore continued to take his testosterone. The couple have faced a lot of hate from people online and even close family members. People don’t believe that Dakota is their biological son, with many claiming they adopted him or “got him off craigslist”. Online trolls say “why would you want to do women things that only women can experience”. In this episode Theodore sisters come over to give their opinion on how they are raising their son.
Not long after becoming official, the couple decided to start trying for a baby. Theodore made the decision to pause his transition in order to get pregnant and it took the couple a year to conceive. Only 4 months after their son, Dakota, was born, Theodore continued to take his testosterone. The couple have faced a lot of hate from people online and even close family members. People don’t believe that Dakota is their biological son, with many claiming they adopted him or “got him off craigslist”. Online trolls say “why would you want to do women things that only women can experience”. In this episode Theodore sisters come over to give their opinion on how they are raising their son.
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00:00This is my boyfriend Theodore, and he's trans. He stopped his transition so that we can start a family.
00:06So I had to stop testosterone. It took almost a whole year to even conceive him.
00:11There is a lot of people that were saying that child is abused, somebody should call CPS.
00:17If you identify as a male, why would you want to do women things? My sisters are coming over today, Victoria and Samantha.
00:24So it was Tiffany for most of my life, and then with Ty, and now it's Theodore.
00:29It was a lot of changes.
00:31Do you think that with COVID, he'll be confused, or do you think that would confuse him now?
00:36We got bagels and Nana. Can you say Nana?
00:40We met on Tinder. I swiped right on him just because I thought he had a great smile.
00:44I was like, wow, you have such a great smile. And then he was like, you too, and you look good.
00:49And I was like, well, you know.
00:51My name is Theodore.
00:53My name is Dontez.
00:54Theodore told me he was trans.
00:56Day one, on Tinder, I read his bio.
00:58And actually, I think he told me in the text as well, you know, like, yeah, I'm trans.
01:02Yeah, cool. Anyway, how was your day?
01:05Because it's not a thing for me.
01:09I've always been pansexual, so it didn't really matter to me.
01:13I like to smile. I like his face. I said, you're going to be mine.
01:16As soon as we started going out, I was like, I want a baby.
01:20A lot of people say that we rushed into that when we had our baby, but it was just so natural.
01:25You have to want a baby, and we both wanted a baby.
01:28Dakota is our biological son.
01:31So since, you know, I was born a female, I still have my reproductive parts.
01:35So I was able to carry my own son, to think of this guy over here.
01:40And he just turned 18 months yesterday.
01:44My transition journey, medically, it started in 2018 when I started testosterone.
01:50And then after that, I was able to get my gender marker and name changed.
01:55And then in 2020 is when I got top surgery.
01:58What I had to do to have him, I had to stop my medical transition.
02:01So I couldn't take any testosterone.
02:04And I was on testosterone for about three years before I had him.
02:07So bless you. Bless you.
02:10So I was fully transitioned before I had him or even had a thought of having him.
02:16So I had to stop testosterone.
02:18I stopped eight months just so I can start having my cycles back.
02:22It took almost a whole year to even conceive him.
02:25Dakota has a very bubbly personality.
02:28He is so likable. He is warm, cuddly.
02:31But he does have his sassy moment.
02:40So it really started when I was posted on TikTok.
02:44I was, like, big.
02:46I thought it was going to be a big baby, but he only came out, like, five pounds.
02:50And that video blew up. There's, like, 21 million views on it.
02:54The other one was me announcing my pregnancy.
02:57And I posted, like, me being pregnant.
02:59All the months I was pregnant, like, how small I was to how big I got.
03:03And then a picture of him at the end. And people were like, that's fake.
03:06I was like, it's not, though.
03:09That's actually my son.
03:11I actually had this baby.
03:13It was definitely mixed reviews.
03:15There was a lot of people that were saying that child is abused.
03:19Somebody should call CPS.
03:21It's a joke. That dude just got fat.
03:25This one kind of hurt the most.
03:27It was like, how come I lost two pregnancies,
03:30and I lost my son 10 days ago at 17 weeks,
03:34but you had your kid? This is so unfair.
03:36They were like, how is this not considered child abuse?
03:39How is it child abuse? Do you see a single bruise on my son?
03:42Do you see how he's malnourished?
03:44If you identify as a male,
03:46why would you want to do women things that only women can experience?
03:49Makes no sense.
03:51I'm not trying to take anything away from women.
03:53You're just trying to make it yours.
03:55You've got to claim everything.
03:57And I'm like, I literally just wanted a baby.
03:59Please calm down. It was never that deep.
04:01But then there was some that were like, congratulations,
04:04and you're going to be a great parent,
04:06and I support you, and I love you.
04:08Don't let the hate stop you.
04:10These people, they mean nothing.
04:12You focus on people that love you, not people that hate you.
04:15That's going to make your life better.
04:17My family kind of pushed the mom role on me,
04:21and kind of your family too.
04:23I don't ever mind taking the mom role
04:26because I've seen a bunch of even men,
04:28they're like, I'm the mom.
04:30So I'm kind of taking it as,
04:32I don't really think it has a gender either.
04:35It's just a role. It's just a role you play.
04:37I just know that I am his parent.
04:39I gave birth to him. He is mine.
04:41And I'm still a transgender man.
04:43I started taking testosterone again
04:45when Dakota was four months old.
04:47I didn't want to take it too early
04:49where my body was completely thrown off
04:52and Dakota didn't know who I was anymore,
04:54but old enough to where he can see things
04:56and comprehend things,
04:58and he would grow on the journey with me.
05:01So I'm going to tell him when he gets older
05:04that I am transgender.
05:06That's what a lot of people don't understand
05:08because they're like, oh, you're going to exploit him
05:10because he's such a young age.
05:11No, there's a time and place.
05:13He doesn't need to know about my surgery
05:15because I'm going to keep it real simple,
05:17real, you know, PG.
05:19I would like to hope that he would not get bullied,
05:23but unfortunately it will be a part of it.
05:26I don't think he's going to get bullied too much.
05:29I think we are much more accepting
05:32of the LGBTQ plus community than before.
05:35He's going to grow up even farther away from now.
05:38There's going to be some buttheads out there,
05:40but I don't think it's going to affect it too much.
05:42If my son Dakota were ever wanting to transition,
05:46which first of all, I would never push that propaganda on him.
05:49I would wait until he's 18, until he's adult,
05:51until he can figure out if that's actually what he wants to do.
05:55The misconception is that we are a gay couple
05:58and we adopted our son.
06:00Yeah, that's number one, yeah.
06:02Which is really good because I pass, high five.
06:04Yeah, whoop, yeah.
06:06Or that we just got our son from somewhere like Craigslist or something.
06:10I said, yeah, you are so incorrect, but okay.
06:14My sisters are coming over today,
06:16Victoria and Samantha,
06:18to tell us what they think about our family dynamic.
06:22Hey, welcome in.
06:23So, how did y'all feel when I told y'all I was pregnant?
06:28I was excited.
06:29Are you excited for me?
06:30I was like, that is awesome.
06:32Did y'all think it would affect my body?
06:34Were y'all scared for me?
06:36Did y'all think it wouldn't be your sibling that you knew?
06:40That's a trick question.
06:42He went from she to identifying as a male.
06:47So it was Tiffany for most of my life,
06:50and then it was Ty, and now it's Theodore.
06:52It was a lot of changes.
06:54And like I told him, it's kind of taking a bit,
06:56because like I said, most of my life, it was her.
07:00He was my sister most of my life.
07:02And that's what I knew.
07:03Do you think that Dakota, he'll be confused,
07:06or do you think that would confuse him now,
07:08or any kind of confusion?
07:10Is there any confusion?
07:11So, right now, I don't think he'll have any confusion,
07:15but as he gets older, he might.
07:18And especially when he starts in school,
07:20it'll probably get a little more difficult.
07:23Did you have any worries or concerns
07:24when Theo stopped taking testosterone to have Koda?
07:29It's not going to put too much of a toll on his mental health.
07:32You know, that was real bad.
07:34And I felt a little bad, actually,
07:36because I was like, man, you know, this is my fault.
07:39Because I'm like, I just came into this life
07:41and gave him a baby.
07:42Look at me.
07:43Dang it!
07:44I messed up the small transition.
07:45Yay!
07:46I've already gotten top surgery, but as in bottom surgery,
07:49just not right now, not until I see a procedure out there
07:53that I like, I am happy with my body right now and how it is.
07:57Honestly, the best thing about being parents
07:59is watching them grow up, watching their personalities tune in,
08:03watching them experience the world.