Sasagutin ni Mikoy Morales ang ilan sa mga mensahe mula sa ating mga Kapuso na humihingi ng love advice. Panoorin ang video.
Panoorin ang buong episode: https://youtu.be/H0oH-qPHtdA?si=TbowbE_KxHYt4sID
Panoorin ang buong episode: https://youtu.be/H0oH-qPHtdA?si=TbowbE_KxHYt4sID
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FunTranscript
00:00 Okay, we have some questions here.
00:03 Please answer briefly.
00:05 Okay.
00:06 Is this a task book?
00:07 This is love advice.
00:09 From Mr. Searching,
00:11 "I have a really hard time with women.
00:15 I'm trying to find the one,
00:18 but I'm always late for dates.
00:21 I have been told that I come off too intense.
00:26 But I just want to know if we're compatible.
00:29 I have a lot of bad experiences with my ex-girlfriends,
00:33 so I don't want to get hurt again.
00:35 I guess I have low self-esteem now.
00:38 I don't know how to improve.
00:41 Help."
00:42 Oh wow.
00:43 Well, number one,
00:45 have you explored your preferences?
00:48 Maybe because he said that he has a hard time with women.
00:52 Have you tried it with men?
00:53 Are you open enough to do that?
00:55 I mean, you don't have to.
00:57 I don't have to explore.
00:59 But also,
01:00 if you're coming off as intense,
01:05 I think maybe you should try listening more
01:09 than finding out.
01:13 Maybe you should listen more.
01:15 If you really want to know if I'm compatible with you,
01:18 then listen more instead of asking more.
01:20 Then maybe you'll discover more about that person.
01:24 And about yourself.
01:26 Right.
01:27 Because it's often overlooked.
01:29 Listening is really a skill.
01:32 When you listen not to respond,
01:35 but to listen just listening.
01:37 We're used to hearing that
01:40 while we're not done talking,
01:42 we have something to say.
01:45 But if that's not there,
01:47 I think some people who oversee that,
01:51 or who overlook that,
01:53 would be surprised by what they'll get from that person
01:56 just by listening.
01:58 You surprised me.
02:00 That's a good thing.
02:02 It's a good thing.
02:03 Objective.
02:05 I'll give it to you.
02:07 Okay, number two from Mr. Tired.
02:09 "What can I do for my wife?
02:12 I work 10 hours a day.
02:14 When I get home,
02:15 I have to discipline my annoying children.
02:18 The last thing I want after a busy day
02:22 is to listen to my wife's complaints.
02:24 How can I get her to give me a break?"
02:27 Well...
02:28 It's complicated.
02:29 You have a child.
02:30 Yes, but the first thing I felt
02:32 and thought when he mentioned that,
02:34 I want that.
02:36 I'm looking forward to having that.
02:38 To having those kind of problems.
02:40 That stress.
02:41 That kind of stress.
02:42 When you have a place to go home,
02:44 maybe it's a perspective
02:46 that you're going home.
02:48 At least you're going home.
02:50 I'm just dreaming of having you now.
02:52 But not about me.
02:53 About you.
02:54 That's a good point.
02:56 Maybe Mr. Tired is not actually counting his blessings.
03:01 Some people would just dream of the life he's having right now.
03:06 But he thinks that's tiring.
03:11 Yes, it's true.
03:13 But you're also obligated to yourself.
03:15 So I think it should be well communicated
03:17 with your spouse or with your partner,
03:19 that you're like,
03:21 "Wait, can I sleep in the other room tonight?"
03:24 Not because I don't want you.
03:25 That's hard because you're always waiting.
03:27 "Why? Don't you love me anymore?"
03:29 But if that's what you need,
03:31 if you need to feel like you're alone again,
03:34 take a breather.
03:35 Take one for the team.
03:36 And the next time your partner needs that too,
03:38 you're like, "Okay, I'll go to the kids first."
03:40 Go.
03:41 You can stay overnight.
03:42 You can check in anywhere.
03:43 You can sleep in your old house with your parents or whatever.
03:47 Small things like that.
03:49 I think it's not common in our culture in general.
03:53 In the Philippines,
03:55 we're always like, "Family, family, family."
03:57 We're family-oriented.
03:58 But it's really...
03:59 We forget that we have to have "me" times.
04:03 We have to date ourselves.
04:05 Sometimes, it's a break away from kids.
04:09 We should bring our kids to their grandmothers or aunties.
04:15 And then we should date each other.
04:17 Because sometimes, that's what a husband lacks.
04:19 Yes.
04:20 They think that the problem is that our income is not enough.
04:24 I have cousins like that.
04:26 Our salary is not enough.
04:28 That's why we get jealous because we're stressed at work.
04:30 No.
04:31 Maybe...
04:32 Maybe you haven't had sex for a long time.
04:35 Maybe that's it.
04:36 And then, right?
04:37 Not necessarily sex, but anything intimate.
04:40 That's why you became monogamous.
04:41 You became a partner in life.
04:43 You realized that this person can make you feel love,
04:48 seen, and liked for who you are.
04:52 That's why you became partners because you'll do it to each other.
04:55 How are you going to do that if you won't let yourselves do that to each other?
04:59 You'll feel that you still like each other.
05:03 And if not...
05:05 Yes.
05:06 There's also a contradiction.
05:07 Some people have physical intimacy, but...
05:09 They lack intellectual intimacy.
05:12 Or emotional intimacy.
05:13 When was the last time you talked about your dreams with me?
05:17 When was the last time you talked about your goals with me?
05:19 When was the last time you shared your...
05:21 Earlier, you talked about my parents, but you didn't like them.
05:24 Why don't you open that up to me?
05:26 I want that connection.
05:28 So that it accumulates.
05:31 Let's go to the deepest third question.
05:33 Okay.
05:34 Coming from Miss Help.
05:36 "Does following your ex on social media count as cheating?"
05:42 I'm happily married to a kind, sweet, and loving man.
05:46 We've been married for 13 years.
05:48 But I find myself looking on social media at photos of my ex-boyfriend.
05:54 Someone whom I met first through my husband.
05:58 Sometimes, I want to message my ex to say hi.
06:02 But it doesn't continue because I have to remind myself that my husband might get hurt.
06:08 Is this emotional cheating?
06:11 I don't think it's cheating yet.
06:14 I don't think it's cheating yet.
06:17 Because he hasn't done anything about it yet.
06:19 But...
06:20 I feel like...
06:22 My take on that cheating, in terms of...
06:25 With my ex.
06:26 Or even if it's not with my ex.
06:30 Cheating is like...
06:32 Knowing...
06:34 What...
06:36 Knowing the threshold of pain of your partner.
06:40 And still going beyond it.
06:42 And that threshold varies per person.
06:45 Like...
06:46 Some people are okay with cheating.
06:49 I mean, not cheating.
06:50 Or it's not cheating to them.
06:51 Some people are okay with...
06:53 There are specifics.
06:54 Like, "Other people are okay with..."
06:56 Define your threshold when it comes to cheating.
06:58 Yeah, define your threshold.
06:59 It varies per couple.
07:01 It varies.
07:02 For me, I might get hurt...
07:04 This is not true.
07:05 This is just an example.
07:06 I might get hurt if I go out for dinner with just a guy.
07:11 But if you hook up with someone, it's okay.
07:14 That's just an example.
07:15 It's not true.
07:16 But that's my threshold.
07:18 And if it's the other way around, that's also your threshold.
07:21 Now for me, cheating is knowing the threshold and still going beyond it.
07:26 So...
07:27 I know that.
07:28 Not many people are like that.
07:30 When they start, they go, "Hmm, I don't like it."
07:32 They get higher.
07:34 Because that's human nature.
07:36 Yeah.
07:37 It's like reverse psychology.
07:39 It's like, "Ah, what should I do?"
07:41 But I think it's...
07:43 I think it still boils down to you communicating with your partner.
07:47 And ask your partner if it's okay to do that.
07:50 Because if you, number one,
07:52 you don't have the intention of following your ex
07:55 or you don't have the intention of getting back together
07:58 or if he still likes you.
08:00 I mean, if you're sure that your intention is clean,
08:03 that you can stay friends with that person,
08:05 then tell your partner.
08:07 And ask him if it's okay.
08:09 If not, try to figure out why.
08:11 Where does that come from?
08:13 Do you have trust issues?
08:14 And then you weigh, what's more important?
08:16 Is it more important for me to be friends with my ex
08:19 and he gets hurt?
08:21 Or should we try to address the trust issues of my partner
08:25 and just leave it at that picture?
08:27 Because it'll be more confusing if I follow my ex
08:29 because no one will get lost from me.
08:31 But some people follow you
08:33 like, "Hmm, you can't be happy until I'm happy."
08:36 That's different.
08:38 That's a different purpose.
08:40 That's a different purpose.
08:42 If that helps you cope, then it's okay.
08:44 But I think it's really a matter of communicating your thresholds
08:48 with your partner.
08:49 What's okay with him, what's not okay with him.
08:51 And then don't go beyond that.
08:53 If you think you'll do something that'll go beyond that,
08:56 still communicate that, "Wait,
08:58 you might get hurt because of what I'll do.
09:00 Is it okay?"
09:01 The key is communication.
09:02 It's just the truth.
09:03 It's communication.
09:04 Yes.
09:05 Because aside from communication,
09:07 because of course, I can't admit this in front of my husband,
09:11 I'm really a celoso.
09:13 Super celoso.
09:14 Like, I have two questions.
09:21 If I'll do it or not.
09:23 Like, number one,
09:25 if I find out that my husband did this to me,
09:30 will I get hurt?
09:32 So, if I think that I won't get hurt,
09:36 I'll do it.
09:37 Because, for sure, it's harmless.
09:42 And two, if he finds out,
09:45 will he get hurt?
09:47 Right, right.
09:49 I get it.
09:51 I get the two.
09:54 If he finds out, will he get hurt?
09:57 I think, personally,
10:00 the first one you said,
10:03 if he did this to me,
10:05 will I get hurt?
10:07 Because I think that's very considerate and sensitive.
10:14 I mean, it's a good thing, really, that he did that.
10:17 But I think it could also be a trigger or a tool
10:22 to go to...
10:26 You're two different people.
10:28 He can do something to hurt you.
10:31 You may finish each other's sentences,
10:33 but you're not the same person.
10:35 Yes, you're not the same person.
10:37 That's why you really need to communicate.
10:39 By the way, I have a question for you.
10:43 Did you admit earlier that you're jealous?
10:47 No, it's not on record.
10:49 Just kidding.
10:51 I mean, knowing that you have that tendency,
10:57 have you ever tried to find out why?
11:03 Yeah.
11:05 Really? What did you come up with?
11:08 It dates back from my childhood days.
11:12 Because...
11:17 Because...
11:19 Like you, I'm always the second choice.
11:24 I'm always the second good person.
11:28 I'm always never good enough.
11:30 I gave everything I had in dancing,
11:36 but I have a cousin who's better at dancing.
11:38 I gave everything I had in singing,
11:42 but I have a cousin who's better at singing.
11:44 It's always like that.
11:46 It's always...
11:48 It's so hard to win the love of people.
11:52 It's really very hard.
11:55 And I found out along the way that
11:58 you don't really have to win it.
12:00 It's going to be given to you
12:03 in your time, in his time.
12:05 In his time, right.
12:07 So you had a time where you felt that
12:10 consistently you had to fight for the love?
12:14 Something like that?
12:16 And all of my relationships...
12:20 Man, I'm telling you, I had lots of relationships,
12:23 failed relationships.
12:24 And it's always that.
12:26 It's always inter...
12:30 It's always like he has an icing of jealousy.
12:33 Right, right. I get that.
12:35 It's because of his insecurity, right?
12:37 And you know what?
12:39 I'm really proud to say,
12:40 the person I'm with right now,
12:42 we've been married five years,
12:44 and we've been going on almost ten years,
12:47 and we never had a problem with jealousy.
12:51 The only person that I was with,
12:54 that I am with,
12:56 I never had a problem with jealousy.
13:00 I was trusting him with all my being,
13:05 and I think he's doing the same thing.
13:08 Because at the end of the day,
13:10 we're together because we like torturing each other.
13:14 We like torturing each other with the truth.
13:18 Yeah, yeah.
13:19 We never...
13:20 The taboo thing with us,
13:22 yes, sugarcoating,
13:24 the taboo thing with us,
13:25 because I think we're both intelligent people.
13:27 Right.
13:28 If you don't get that, you lose.
13:30 Sorry.
13:31 So if you're making it up,
13:33 it's insulting.
13:34 Do you think I won't get it?
13:35 Exactly.
13:36 We've had a lot of arguments like that.
13:38 Like, "You're making me stupid."
13:40 You can just say that.
13:43 So it's always like that.
13:45 So we developed that thing,
13:47 where we say it
13:51 instead of making it a problem.
13:55 Because anything and everything in this world
13:58 has a potential to be a problem.
14:00 Yeah.
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