Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 Cosmo and the Mighty Martian, issue 3.
00:03 It starts with boring narration by the Queen that somehow is delusional enough to call the volcanic wasteland of Venus "beauty and perfection".
00:12 Patriotism exists, but this is ridiculous.
00:16 It's lucky that Venus is being portrayed as volcanic at all when it's already abandoning reality by having there be an intelligent life on it.
00:25 At that point, it was a mistake for the previous issue's data file on it to act like all of Venus was volcanic,
00:31 because a planet with just one biome like that wouldn't become the host to native life as complex as this.
00:38 The Jetsons had Venus have fields.
00:42 The Queen says it's time the other worlds get beautified, hopefully improved, and brought to order.
00:49 She should have said "about time", and why is this only a recent thing?
00:54 What caused her to change? Cosmo rejecting her?
00:57 She ought to explain how she plans to improve those countries, in a way that's believable while also not enough to make us root for her.
01:04 We don't know how the other countries are different from her country.
01:09 So for all we know, they're all dictatorships too.
01:13 And I thought her name was Hepster.
01:15 At least her being vain gives her an extra personality trait beyond being evil and controlling.
01:21 It's sad that already she's the most developed character.
01:25 And it's because she copied Vanity from Xena.
01:28 And it doesn't take any creativity to think up "let's make the female character vain".
01:34 I want the level of creativity where someone would ask how the writer came up with that.
01:39 But most of these main characters are just Sonic characters with a different coat of paint.
01:44 Why would a comic take until the third issue to use the big bad?
01:49 It made sense with I.E.W. Sonic because it was already a famous franchise, so everyone reading it already knew all about Eggman.
01:56 But this is a new reboot of a 40s comic, and it treated one of her henchmen like the big bad first.
02:02 We see a measly three battle princesses bow to her, saying "Hail" in a lazy parallel to 40s Germany like the Dark Legion did.
02:12 But without any comparisons that matter, that's not enough to make them scary.
02:17 I was thinking that there were several battle princesses.
02:21 This is a series where princesses are the bad guys for once, and royal families tend to be huge.
02:28 If Pirate Queen Zorabelle can have tons of daughters, why not her?
02:33 And if it's more realistic to only have a few kids for her...
02:37 Well, this comic isn't about being realistic anyways.
02:40 It's more grand scale with the heroes going from planet to planet.
02:44 Having more princesses would mean a greater variety of creativity in a rogues gallery, instead of being lame.
02:52 Even Sega's marketing team came up with six whole new villains at once.
02:57 The only way I can give this the benefit of the doubt is assuming that there's only three here because the rest of her kids are busy elsewhere.
03:06 And obviously it's not creative to make Venus a matriarchal society that's vain, but I don't hate that.
03:12 While it makes sense that she'd think the mutants are better in every way by being stronger and obedient,
03:17 it's forced that she thinks they're prettier when they're clearly menacing this way and don't look like Venetians do.
03:24 Why is she wasting time telling her kids that she won't rest until every world's been taken over? They'd know.
03:30 She's such a generic villain.
03:33 Eggman's vain too, so whatever.
03:36 She says she can mutate everyone in the solar system and it'd still want to be enough to overcome the Martian armies.
03:43 She says it'd be different if she had all three Martian relics and she has two, so the relics are super convenient to fictiony MacGuffins for.
03:52 Sure is easy to write a comic with them around.
03:56 She gets told that exposition by She and her sister, who is on the moon.
04:01 Surprisingly, the queen is still in love with and possessive of Cosmo, so she tells them not to speak ill of him, even though he's their mortal enemy.
04:10 It's unique in general, but I already saw the concept of Eggman being in love with one of the main heroes in RG Sonic
04:16 when he thought Sally was some new sorceress because of a witch costume.
04:20 So why even have a scene dedicated to someone who's not new at all?
04:24 One of the princesses is handed the idiot ball again because she somehow bothers suggesting that they just stop fighting the heroes and Mars
04:33 and try to get them to join their cause, even though she'd know there's no chance they would join the cause of someone who'd mutate people into her slaves.
04:41 When it's not like they have a common enemy they need to fight against or she's trapped in some place and needs getting out.
04:49 They all laugh at her, and conveniently the queen is just amused by this and calls her dear anyways, and wants her to go focus on meeting her Marching Quotas.
04:58 She angrily storms off and picks up a weapon playing to show her the resolve of a true battle princess.
05:05 We didn't need to see that scene.
05:07 Why does she even care about trying to get her approval if she's clearly the nice, idealistic one?
05:13 Out of nowhere, it turns out the relic covering Max is alive, despite no indication that it's moving.
05:21 Not to mention no indication that it was ever being given constant food, so I guess it eats solar energy.
05:29 And confusingly, Max says that while he wants to scream in terror, he can't.
05:34 So that's convoluted.
05:37 Medulla says the power of the thing is keeping its pulse and breath at a healthy level.
05:42 I hate the name of that thing, it's hard to say.
05:45 Out of nowhere, it turns out Orbeez is not human.
05:48 At least it seems like it because he complains about a human getting a relic plugged into him, and he says "our" as if he's from Mars too.
05:55 Medulla gets the idea to tickle him with a feather, which somehow causes the relic to jump off him with no physical way to do so.
06:03 Which again has to be because of witchcraft.
06:06 Just because it's a kids' comic doesn't give you an excuse not to try.
06:10 Fortunately, Medulla explains that she was just joking by trying that, and they're surprised that it worked, which lampshades the convenience of it.
06:19 The relic ate his spacesuit.
06:22 Well, it is an alien, so it could be believable.
06:25 I'd be a little more grateful for the comic constantly having lighthearted moments, if they weren't constantly undermined by the dark moments.
06:33 Over on the magically inhabitable Mercury, we see Cosmo and Aster walking by some houses.
06:39 And Aster says the info Medulla took from Shin says that the Venetians found a Martian relic here.
06:45 So she wants to find a clue about what their bigger plan is.
06:48 What makes her think there is a bigger plan they don't already know?
06:52 Or what the relics are doing on other worlds?
06:54 Which we better find out, because that's a plot hole!
06:58 Cosmo complains that it's too hot in the sun and too cold in the shade.
07:02 He shouldn't even be able to tell what temperature it is around him, because of his spacesuit regulating his temperature.
07:08 Why does he think the lawn needs mowing when it isn't that high up?
07:12 He doesn't remember why the Mercurials left to make this a ghost town.
07:16 Too bad we don't get to see what the Mercurials look like, because that would be creative effort.
07:24 Aster makes me wonder if she saw a ghost before, because otherwise an advanced alien wouldn't believe in them when she's supposed to be the level-headed one.
07:32 And since believing in psychics is stereotyped as a girl thing, maybe that's also the case for believing in ghosts.
07:40 So that would make her even more stereotypical.
07:43 She bitches like a Sally ripoff that he's just goofing around, which he only starts to do when he's just around her, when every other time he's a serious one.
07:51 So she's even worse than Sad AM Sally.
07:54 I don't need another frustrating Sonic and Sally dynamic.
07:58 She calls him the Captain, so apparently there are two Captains, which should've been explained in the first issue.
08:06 She just looks like an idiot, because she should know she'll never change him and she's wasting time.
08:12 If she cares so much about the mission, she'd be focusing on just that.
08:16 He acts arrogant out of nowhere, and she compares him to Max to discourage him.
08:21 This scene is such a waste of time.
08:24 He says he'd be lost without her.
08:26 It's such a cliche to have one of the only female leads be shipped with the main male lead.
08:32 And if the writer's excuse for getting rid of Sally's crutch on Sonic is that he's just tired of shipping wars in general,
08:38 what's his excuse for doing ship tees between these two unnecessarily and having the villain be in love with him?
08:45 Cosmo flattering her on a personality trait I already know is a boring, sappy waste of time that falls flat
08:51 because she's almost nothing but a whiny bitch who accomplishes nothing.
08:55 Sally is better because she's useful, and has a lot more likeable moments, normally just being polite.
09:01 While she's a constant snarker who isn't constantly useful to the point where she looks cool.
09:07 He's serious too, so it's annoying to have him act like he'd be lost without her.
09:14 Oh yeah, he'd be lost without her constant whining.
09:17 She considers admitting that she's in love with him,
09:20 even though she does nothing but express frustration over how he is, so she has horrible tastes in boyfriends.
09:27 And obviously, he doesn't have the best taste either if he feels the same way, because he could do better.
09:33 She warns him to turn around and look at an intimidating shadow over the ground of a monster,
09:38 and he finally shoots a laser.
09:40 So if he had a ray gun all along and is fine with using such a lethal thing,
09:45 then there's no excuse for him not using it in earlier issues.
09:49 It's believable that he would be like most people where he doesn't want to risk killing anyone,
09:54 and so this is just meant for non-sentient life and robots.
09:57 But then that needs to be explained, because when just casually reading this, you might not think of them.
10:02 It's too bad there aren't any people here, because it could've made the story exciting
10:07 because the heroes would have to protect people from the shadow monsters.
10:12 Why is the queen still in love with someone who's fighting against their daughters, who are at the very least, teenagers?
10:18 Cosmo seems like a teenager, so it should be explained that he's at least 20,
10:22 because otherwise it might make the queen look really creepy.
10:26 Aster puts her hand on his shoulder, asking if he's okay.
10:30 He shoots, and gets told that magically the shadows themselves are the enemy.
10:35 A ripoff of Ixis who can turn into a shadow.
10:38 But still, it's an interesting seldom used concept, that I wouldn't expect on an alien planet.
10:44 They start hiding behind a fence, and the naive princess Boudicca, who I'm gonna call Boudicca,
10:50 somehow expects them to return a relic to the queen's side.
10:55 She wants to give them a chance to give up peacefully, which explains why she's letting them have so much dialogue.
11:02 Cosmo makes a shadow puppet and says he has a plan.
11:05 He says ow, and claims that she got him, and she believes him,
11:09 even though she didn't think the shadows could reach through direct sunlight.
11:13 I have to assume he was walking towards her in all the time she was blathering.
11:18 So that's why it took so long to steal her weapon.
11:21 Aster was making a shadow puppet.
11:23 That's the first time this progressive female hero was useful.
11:28 Maybe this should have been her first appearance, somehow.
11:32 Like, she was sick until she got to this point.
11:35 At least it's creative that a shadow puppet saved the day.
11:39 But clearly he needs more than creativity to make me not hate his work.
11:43 She aims her sword, as I think she was smart to have two weapons.
11:48 Although it's frustrating to have the villains be the smartest ones,
11:52 because I'm supposed to like the heroes, so the heroes should have two weapons.
11:57 And for some reason she screams no.
11:59 I don't get it.
12:01 If the shadow monsters are rebelling against her,
12:04 why would they ever do that when she was acting like they were on her side?
12:08 Why would she even come here if they weren't?
12:11 Cosmo looks like an idiot by expecting her to betray her queen for no reason,
12:15 without even bribing her.
12:17 She tells him to finish her off, because it's better than returning to her as a failure,
12:21 even though it was obvious that her queen is actually soft on her,
12:24 since all she did was laugh at her suggestion to befriend her enemy instead of get mad.
12:29 Or even punish her at all.
12:31 She's just ripping off Speedy when it comes to his dad,
12:35 who was enough of an intimidating threat that it worked there.
12:39 But here it's just forced that the concept of a murder-suicide is once again being referenced by Flynn in a children's comic.
12:46 There was a more natural way of writing this.
12:49 I wondered if she wouldn't even try to fight the heroes and would just instantly make a truce with them,
12:54 and that'd be better.
12:55 I guess the reason I say this is because she's already more likable than Astra ever was.
13:00 Cosmo's once again an idiot,
13:02 but it is sort of believable that he wouldn't want to believe someone he used to know personally would become a complete monster,
13:08 because he might have seen the good in her first.
13:11 But I can't take this seriously without seeing that for myself,
13:15 as if it isn't bad enough that the art here sucks.
13:18 I didn't instantly say it because it was so obvious,
13:21 but it's never acceptable to draw shadows over the heroes in this way when it doesn't make any sense.
13:26 But usually I don't talk about the art because everyone can see it,
13:30 and it's usually obvious what the problem is,
13:33 and I just want to get through these reviews faster.
13:36 How's your childhood friend when he's from Mars?
13:39 Did he visit Venus constantly for no reason?
13:42 How rich were his parents?
13:44 He offers to take her prisoner just to keep her safe.
13:47 And she refuses because it'd be embarrassing to her as a princess.
13:51 Why does she have any ego at all when she's been established to be the laughingstock of her family who never fits in?
13:57 If any of them would be insecure, it'd be her.
14:00 Astra asks them what the least awful form of mercy they can show her is.
14:05 She bores me saying that they'll never defeat the Queen,
14:08 while offering no evidence so she should know this is just a waste of time.
14:12 She refuses to tell the audience what it is that the Queen hasn't forgiven him for doing in the past.
14:17 How am I supposed to believe she's still in love with him to the point of not wanting him insulted if that's the case?
14:23 I assume what she's talking about isn't the fact that he didn't side with her when she became a threat in the first place,
14:31 because that would be boring,
14:33 and then she'd be mad at him for something he didn't do, not something he did.
14:37 Then she teleports away with her glove too, making she less unique.
14:41 Why in the world did they think they could ever get her taken prisoner
14:45 without one of them grabbing her and the other one taking off her glove first?
14:49 It is common sense that all of her sisters would have this technology,
14:53 and while it is disappointing that she didn't join the heroes,
14:56 it's creative that she didn't because that was so predictable.
15:00 But it seems hard to believe.
15:02 Why even bother establishing that she hates her family and wants to end things with Cosmo peacefully if it led to nothing?
15:09 Wait a minute, if she can create a portal to anywhere from anywhere,
15:13 why doesn't she make a portal that connects to below him to send him straight to the Queen?
15:18 It'd be easy as hell to capture them.
15:20 The Queen still considers Cosmo to be hers, so why would she refuse this because it'd be too easy?
15:26 She never indicates that she wants a victory that's not too easy.
15:31 Somehow, all the villains were too dumb to think of it,
15:35 despite living their lives 24/7 with these warp gloves.
15:39 One of them is literally a gamer, are you seriously telling me that she never thought to use her warp gloves to...
15:45 portal a water bottle to her?
15:47 Or a snack?
15:49 Come to think of it, Starline could have used his warp tote bags to portal the heroes to a trap of Eggman's too,
15:54 so that just makes Eggman even dumber.
15:56 But at least it was explained that Eggman didn't want to win in a way that was too easy.
16:01 But Starline didn't always know that, so why didn't he just do that to them right away to impress them?
16:06 I said a trap of Eggman's because I know he'd know if he just warped a hero to him without putting them in a trap,
16:12 the person would instantly start wreaking havoc.
16:15 Maybe the reason he didn't simply put a portal below every hero to warp them to a cage filled with metal wires
16:20 was that he figured Eggman's rant about not wanting to win in a way that's easy and cheap would also apply to that,
16:25 as they'd have no chance of success then.
16:28 It should have been explained, and they could have had a chance of success if there was a way for them to avoid the metal wires afterwards.
16:35 If there was a way to escape the cage while Ruby Goldberg Machine was building up to the metal wires being unleashed on them.
16:44 The point is, any of the villains in this comic with a warp glove could create a portal right below Cosmo right now
16:50 to try to get the relic back, and it'll be stupid if they don't.
16:54 But if they do, I'll just wonder why it wasn't done before and it's being tried constantly.
16:59 So it'd be better to explain why nobody tries to portal one of them to her.
17:03 But unless the explanation is that a witch cast a spell to make them unable to think of that,
17:09 any explanation wouldn't be believable.
17:12 Having the villains get all of the relics would be a cliché.
17:15 A cliché that'd be so predictable that I'd hope it wouldn't happen, so it'd be more like a Captain Obvious twist.
17:21 So at that point, I'd rather have the villains get all of the relics at once in a way that's the most impressive.
17:27 Astro finally says that she should have Madola develop that portal glove for them.
17:33 She asks Cosmo if he's okay, she gets thanked, and she rips off Sally from Sonic Super Special 10
17:39 by arbitrarily changing her mind about talking about something love-related.
17:44 They come home and reveal out of nowhere that the weapon Cosmo stole is in fact a relic.
17:49 So they screwed up a little because I would've cared more if I knew that right away.
17:54 Why on earth did she bring something as valuable as a relic with her when confronting him,
17:58 when she already had a weapon, and it could've brought another thing to be her second weapon?
18:04 At least I like that the specific powers of the MacGuffins are creative,
18:08 and they actually have a new power for each one.
18:11 Madola says she made a spacesuit for Max like they have and got it to fit on the first try.
18:17 So she does this in a short amount of time but takes 8 hours to figure out what the cure for the mutants is,
18:23 when I thought the heroes would go the entire miniseries without finding that out.
18:27 Like it makes the mutants stop being a threat entirely if the heroes can fire the equivalent of portable deroboticizers
18:33 that never run out of ammo the second they see any of them.
18:36 Why even care that they're mutants at all then?
18:39 And at least there the portable deroboticizer only had enough ammo for one use.
18:44 It's cool how consistently useful Madola is.
18:47 And while I'm tempted to call her overpowered by now,
18:50 it wouldn't really be fair when I don't think I gave Rotor the same accusation.
18:54 And really she's nothing but a more excited female Rotor.
18:57 Why did Max misname Cosmo "Congo"? An inside joke?
19:02 Jojo is Mutzky if he couldn't talk,
19:05 and Max is a smarter Boomknuckles, who does nothing that other characters couldn't also do.
19:11 The Sonic characters are better because they actually have unique abilities.
19:15 Well here, all but two of these guys are boringly interchangeable.
19:19 Which doesn't command respect.
19:21 It doesn't command respect when you think that they could hire any random guy off the street
19:27 and they'd be just as competent as the rest of the team.
19:31 The rest of the page is wasted as the story ends.
19:34 This issue by Ian Flynn eventually has the plot start when the naive princess threatens Cosmo and Astra.
19:41 And creatively, Astra fools through with a shadow puppet
19:44 into thinking that one of the shadow beings has Cosmo under its thumb
19:48 so that it could walk up to her and steal her weapon.
19:50 Which surprisingly just caused her to whine before portaling away.
19:55 This makes establishing that she is a laughingstock of her family go from foreshadowing to pointless.
20:01 And while it's creative that she doesn't join their team right away, it's still disappointing.
20:07 But she had nothing to contribute talent-wise, much like most of the main cast, so it's no loss.
20:13 Her having too much pride to join them even as a prisoner came out of nowhere.
20:17 And the story shouldn't have even acted like that was a possibility
20:20 because they should have known that she would warp away with her glove
20:23 because somehow they did nothing to stop her from doing that, like grab her wrist and take it off her.
20:29 But at least the issue progressed the plot because they got a relic.
20:32 But it's forced that she even brought the relic so close to Cosmo
20:36 when she could have had a second weapon that wasn't that.
20:39 And if she didn't want to get in trouble with her mother, she wouldn't portal home without the relic.
20:44 Why doesn't she just portal directly to the castle?