• 2 years ago
Let's get READY TO WRANGLLLLLLLLLLLLE. 10 Wrestlers. A shot at the CBW Championship on the line. No friends. No allies. No second chances.
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Transcript
00:00:00 Hello I'm Adam, hailing from parts unknown and welcome to the third episode of No Rolls
00:00:08 Barred, our new wrestling RPG series. As ever this game is based off an existing system
00:00:14 called Worldwide Wrestling which is designed by Nathan D. Paoletta so if you want the full
00:00:19 experience go to his website, link in the description below. This is episode 3, the
00:00:25 entire episode taken up by the Regal Wrangle which is not the Royal Rumble. Ok, let's just
00:00:32 get that clear straight away, it's not the Royal Rumble, it is the 10 man over the top
00:00:38 rope elimination battle royal, the Regal Wrangle. Clear? Good. If you need a refresher of the
00:00:45 rules do check out the beginning of episode 1. Without further ado, here is episode 3
00:00:51 featuring the Regal Wrangle, not that you get it. Take us away Tom.
00:00:57 Hello and welcome back to City British Wrestling, 200 mans can't be wrong. My name's Tom, I'm
00:01:03 head of creative here at CBW and these are our players.
00:01:07 Hi I'm Laurie, I'm playing Tony the Milkman and I am the veteran class character.
00:01:12 I'm Ollie and I'm playing Golden Joe, Joe, Joe and he's a golden boy.
00:01:20 I'm Luke, I'm playing Silver Bro, I am the Gatekeeper class.
00:01:25 My name's Lolo and I am playing the Denimatrix which is the anti-hero.
00:01:30 I'm Adam, I'm playing Kid Flips who's the High Flyer.
00:01:34 Right, now let's do a fight. We find ourselves once again in a City British Wrestling arena.
00:01:42 The room is decked out with red velvet and ermine and sitting above the ring is a giant
00:01:48 golden crown. The audience are once again cheering and
00:01:52 clapping for good quality British wrestling. CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW.
00:02:03 No. So glad it wasn't me.
00:02:07 And the announcer's voice rings out over the speaker system.
00:02:11 Welcome to City British Wrestling and welcome to the Regal Wrangle.
00:02:19 Prepare yourselves as these canvas crushers clash inside and outside the ring in the name
00:02:25 of family, fury and the future. Without further ado, let's meet our competitors.
00:02:35 We immediately cut offstage offering to all of your individual promos.
00:02:41 And first we cut to the Denimatrix.
00:02:47 Den wins. I had to think of a location, I forgot there
00:02:51 was a location so I'm on top of a mountain. There is wind blowing in my fabric and I look
00:02:59 scorned and I've got skis. Only made of denim.
00:03:06 So you've seen what I can do. I am boot cut from a different cloth from
00:03:15 the rest of these folks and from the rest of these scraps.
00:03:18 All of them are fab pricks in comparison to me.
00:03:24 I like it. So it's probably fair to say that I've got
00:03:30 this in the pocket that everyone else's thread meat.
00:03:41 Amazing, amazing work. We cut now to Golden Joe.
00:03:50 Golden Joe is just helping some kids cross the road outside of a school and someone passes
00:03:55 him a microphone and he says, "The one thing that my entire career is about, my whole life
00:04:01 has been about, is winning the tag team titles with my brother, Silver Joe.
00:04:07 But it's also..." Silver bro.
00:04:12 I wasn't even intentional. Him and the character are now one.
00:04:24 "Joe, but it's also about winning the singles championship too.
00:04:32 Because a win for me is a win for the precious medals and for all the Joe bodies out there
00:04:37 in the crowd. They're not good.
00:04:39 Everyone else in the ring, I'm going to chuck all of them over the top rope with the help
00:04:43 of my Silver bro, because they're not golden.
00:04:46 And it is a scientificable fact that gold reacts with everything.
00:04:52 So imagine Golden Joe in there with 14 other Joe bodies and I'm going to make it explosive,
00:04:59 but not just explosive. It's going to be golden."
00:05:04 I'm confused. I'm so happy for you right now.
00:05:09 It's going to be Golden Joe. And we cut to Silver bro.
00:05:15 Silver bro is against a green screen that's got sort of like quite bad VHS style cutouts.
00:05:24 But the screen actually behind me is a picture of me and Golden Joe, arms around each other.
00:05:30 And I'm wearing Golden Joe's merchandise.
00:05:36 Silver is often second place. And tonight that's going to be the case.
00:05:44 Because bro body is winning this match other than my brother, Golden Joe.
00:05:51 He's the future of this company and I'm going to be the best bro possible and make sure
00:05:56 that he does win this match.
00:05:59 This medals, there's nothing precious about Golden Joe. He's the best.
00:06:05 It's going to be bro holds barred in that ring when Golden Joe takes out everyone with
00:06:11 my help.
00:06:12 Say it ain't bro. Oh, it is bro.
00:06:17 And if it ain't bro-ken, we don't fix it.
00:06:22 Because Golden Joe is going to be the winner and he's going to be victorious.
00:06:27 Bro bodies are going to hit the floor, including mine, when Joe wins.
00:06:33 Please.
00:06:34 He's just written the next year's worth of Matt Riddle promos there.
00:06:41 Kidflips.
00:06:43 You catch Kidflips halfway up a half pipe and then somehow, even though he's halfway
00:06:49 up, he turns to look at the camera and doesn't move.
00:06:54 So tonight it's the Regal Wrangle.
00:06:58 I've got goosebumps, friends, and we've got a full house in that ring.
00:07:05 There's family matters.
00:07:08 There's brothers and sister, sisters.
00:07:12 It's the biggest night of my so-called life.
00:07:15 Regal Wrangle, I'm mad about you.
00:07:18 And if you think you're going to be saved by the bell, then I'm a phrase you up Dawson's
00:07:25 Creek.
00:07:26 Because tonight, boy beats world.
00:07:30 And at the Colossal Tussle, it will be the secret world of Alex Mack.
00:07:36 That was really good.
00:07:43 The Milkman.
00:07:45 It cuts to a row of terraced houses.
00:07:48 The camera pans up to a doorway.
00:07:52 The doorway opens and out steps Tony the Milkman.
00:07:55 A woman in a dressing gown awkwardly tries to give him a hug.
00:07:59 He shrugs her off and closes the door.
00:08:01 I'm going to win the Regal Wrangle because nobody else matches up.
00:08:07 I am a full-bodied, whole milk kind of guy while everyone else on this roster is just
00:08:14 a dribble of skimmed.
00:08:16 I've held this round for going on 30 years now and I have never missed an order.
00:08:23 I always deliver.
00:08:26 But today, today I am out of one thing.
00:08:31 The milk of human kindness.
00:08:35 Because today you're getting a meaner Tony the Milkman who is determined to win the Regal
00:08:41 Wrangle because you've had 30 years of service and now it's time to pay up.
00:08:46 I've come to collect.
00:08:55 It's now time for the 10-man Regal Wrangle.
00:08:58 Two entrants will start the match with a new wrestler entering the ring every two minutes.
00:09:03 A wrestler can only be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope with both feet touching
00:09:10 the floor.
00:09:11 The winner of this match will receive a guaranteed City British Championship title shot at this
00:09:17 year's Colossal Tussle.
00:09:18 I'm so glad I'm going first.
00:09:19 Okay, we've got the dry ice going, there's a lot of it obviously.
00:09:34 What's actually happened is that we've put underneath the stage, underneath the ramp,
00:09:40 another zip and it's unzipping and I am just crawling out like the zombie version of myself.
00:09:46 I've still got the horns in from last time, I've stuck them in, I'm just sewing them straight
00:09:50 into my scalp.
00:09:51 And following me of course is just, I'm going to say like 20 backup dancers, like head to
00:09:58 toe in denim ogre outfits.
00:10:01 Yeah, denim ogre outfits.
00:10:04 And then they follow me to the beautiful centre ring and they lift me and they just place
00:10:08 me in a little shed thing and I stand there.
00:10:13 So you are alone in the ring for a moment, the audience cheering and whooping your denim
00:10:18 ogres disperse in their sight.
00:10:21 Damn win.
00:10:22 Damn win.
00:10:23 Is he in the match?
00:10:24 Not this.
00:10:25 Oh my god, is he in the match?
00:10:26 Oh my god, me!
00:10:27 Please!
00:10:28 Striding to the ring, seven foot tall, sleep on, barrister's silver, the one and only
00:10:34 Dan, seven foot tall, sleep on, barrister's silk, powdered wig and glistening, borderline
00:10:42 aristocratic muscle is QC, the voice of management.
00:10:48 He gets to the bottom of the ramp, flings off his robe to reveal even more perfect muscles
00:10:53 and laps across his back.
00:10:56 He sets his tiny gavel down by his foot, adjusts his wig so it's sitting securely and neatly
00:11:02 on his head, steps up the steps and swings a long leg over the top of the rope.
00:11:08 Come on Dan.
00:11:09 Yeah!
00:11:10 Damn win.
00:11:11 Damn win.
00:11:12 Damn win.
00:11:13 Damn win.
00:11:14 Damn win.
00:11:15 Well, well, well.
00:11:16 No!
00:11:17 Danny Matrix, let's get this over with nice and quick, shall we?
00:11:25 I'm sorry.
00:11:28 Roll on power for me.
00:11:29 Roll on power?
00:11:30 Oh, I forgot what roll on power is.
00:11:34 Minus two.
00:11:35 Oh, that's six.
00:11:37 He immediately boom, hits you with a straight clothesline straight into the chest, knocks
00:11:42 you to the mat.
00:11:43 Boom!
00:11:44 I have a lot of very important things to do today so hurry up and hop over those ropes,
00:11:51 will you?
00:11:52 Don't do it, Danny.
00:11:53 Don't do it.
00:11:54 Don't be convinced by his compelling arguments.
00:11:56 Hang on, did you knock me down?
00:11:59 Okay, so I'm just going to swing my legs and take your legs out from underneath you and
00:12:02 then I'm going to rip that silly wig off your head and throw it over the ropes and go fetch!
00:12:08 So first off, roll on work to trip up QC.
00:12:11 Oh, that is five.
00:12:13 No, it's plus.
00:12:15 Oh, work.
00:12:16 It's not real.
00:12:17 Damn it.
00:12:18 Five.
00:12:19 Five.
00:12:20 So I just try.
00:12:21 Your leg sweeps into his ankle, he stumbles a little but catches his footing.
00:12:26 Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
00:12:29 And he gives you a swift hard kick in the ribs.
00:12:32 Oh!
00:12:33 Can his foot try and get stuck in one of my pockets?
00:12:38 I'm going to have you roll on look for that to see how you made that costume.
00:12:43 That is seven.
00:12:45 Yes!
00:12:46 It does.
00:12:47 Yes!
00:12:48 It gets stuck half in a pocket, half tangled in some zipper.
00:12:51 Cool, and I take the opportunity to twist your leg and throw you down onto the mat.
00:12:55 And roll on, roll on.
00:12:58 You know what, I would say at this point you have plus two heat with QC at the very least.
00:13:02 So you can add your heat with QC for this.
00:13:04 Plus two.
00:13:05 Yeah!
00:13:06 Okay, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:13:08 Oh!
00:13:09 That's 14.
00:13:10 That's big.
00:13:11 He yelts in pain and boom, falls to the mat.
00:13:14 Yes!
00:13:15 So happy about this right now.
00:13:16 Now can I take your wig and throw it over at the side?
00:13:19 Yes, you can.
00:13:20 I would say roll on heat again for that.
00:13:22 Okay, go.
00:13:24 That is seven.
00:13:25 How much heat?
00:13:26 Two.
00:13:27 Oh, that's six.
00:13:28 That's six, okay.
00:13:29 It's a good thing he spent that extra bit of time coming into the ring.
00:13:32 I probably want to get a harpoon.
00:13:33 It's really annoying me.
00:13:34 Okay, cool.
00:13:35 He jumps up to his feet and does a two-handed clap to the side of your ears.
00:13:39 Boom, with his muscular arms.
00:13:41 Roll on power for this.
00:13:42 Uh-oh, that'll clap.
00:13:45 Yeah, that's...
00:13:47 No, it's six.
00:13:48 Six.
00:13:49 It's like a ringing in your ears and a loud clapping sound and you find yourself briefly dazed.
00:13:55 But did he not catch his hands on the really sharp zips on the side of my head?
00:13:59 Or the horns.
00:14:00 Or the horns.
00:14:01 Let's roll on look for that.
00:14:03 Is it not real as well?
00:14:05 You know what? Yes.
00:14:07 Yes!
00:14:08 It's technically a weapon.
00:14:10 Yes!
00:14:12 He swings his arms in to clap your head and actually impales one of them about two inches.
00:14:16 Yes!
00:14:17 Oh my God!
00:14:19 Jeez!
00:14:23 Can't you see?
00:14:25 Since you're all bleeding and really in pain, I'm just going to take you and put you into a nice little lovely wrist lock
00:14:30 just to get you nice and comfortably submissive to me.
00:14:33 Okay, roll on work.
00:14:34 What scene are we watching?
00:14:37 Roll another one. Dress him.
00:14:40 Work.
00:14:41 Five.
00:14:42 Goddammit, every time I want to do something cool.
00:14:44 Well, it's not really that cool.
00:14:45 He twists out of your lock, counters it, gets your arm behind your back
00:14:49 and then starts bending you over in a submissive move of his own.
00:14:53 He's now starting to try to muscle you towards the tub rope.
00:14:57 Oh!
00:14:59 Yeah, what are you doing?
00:15:00 Having a lovely time.
00:15:04 I... Oh God.
00:15:06 Do you want to roll on look to see if you're getting off on this?
00:15:10 Yes, I do!
00:15:12 You and QC.
00:15:14 Oh, that is a twist I did not see coming.
00:15:18 Yeah, you are getting off on it.
00:15:20 I'm loving it, I'm loving it.
00:15:21 What's that?
00:15:22 It fires you up.
00:15:23 It fires me up, it gives me energy and in that energy I get some more desire to wiggle out.
00:15:29 So I essentially just try and manoeuvre my way out by ducking around and doing something cool with my elbow and arm.
00:15:36 Shut up.
00:15:38 You can roll on your heat for this, I think, because you're possibly in it right now.
00:15:43 Get off.
00:15:45 It's get out.
00:15:49 Oh no.
00:15:51 Plus two.
00:15:52 Oh, he's plus two?
00:15:53 Yeah.
00:15:54 Oh, great, that's an eight.
00:15:55 You do something really cool with your elbow and arm.
00:15:57 And then I turn around and get you in the same position and then push you against the rope and your throat is on the top rope.
00:16:02 Oh, nasty.
00:16:05 Yeah, he's choking at this point, he's trying to grab you with his long arms but he can't get loose, he can't get the purchase.
00:16:10 How long are his arms?
00:16:11 He's like seven foot two, they're pretty long.
00:16:12 Could it just be height, could it just not be arms?
00:16:14 He's in perfect proportion.
00:16:18 Okay, cool, so you're trying to throw it against the ropes, trying to make you all submissive and lack of oxygen, hopefully.
00:16:26 Real?
00:16:27 Yeah, if you want to check him out, roll real.
00:16:29 Can you see getting off on this?
00:16:31 Yeah, he is.
00:16:32 Real, so that's eight.
00:16:34 Ten.
00:16:35 Yeah, as you push his throat down against the rope you sort of feel that resistance from his body get weaker and weaker and weaker.
00:16:41 And then you use this opportunity to just flip your body over.
00:16:43 Oh, first elimination.
00:16:45 He is out cold.
00:16:52 He is out cold.
00:16:53 Oh, that's going to hurt.
00:16:55 I can't get any lower.
00:16:57 Are you out cold?
00:16:59 Roll on heat.
00:17:01 Plus two.
00:17:03 Ten.
00:17:07 Ten.
00:17:09 QC is out.
00:17:11 Boom.
00:17:13 And passed out on the floor with what might be a little bit of a smile on his face.
00:17:19 Well, that's trance.
00:17:21 It's the pleats.
00:17:25 That gavel's over there.
00:17:27 On the floor.
00:17:29 This has started.
00:17:31 And you're once again alone in the centre of the ring.
00:17:33 I'm happy on my own.
00:17:35 Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:17:45 Yeah.
00:17:49 Milkman.
00:17:51 So Tony the Milkman walks out, fully done up, white jacket, flat cap on, stands at the top of the ramp.
00:17:57 An army of basically middle-aged women in their nightgowns come out and they sort of swarm around him.
00:18:07 As they do, they keep obscuring him in the camera shot.
00:18:10 They keep obscuring him and then suddenly they're gone and he's just in perfect white trunks, ready for the match.
00:18:17 They form a line all the way to the ring.
00:18:21 He walks down the ramp and they start to spray him with milk as he goes.
00:18:27 He just laps it up, gets to the ring, ready for the match.
00:18:30 And you two are alone in the ring.
00:18:32 Handshake?
00:18:33 Handshake.
00:18:34 I'm actually going to handshake your hand.
00:18:35 You've been around for a while, even though I don't like you, so I'm just going to go straight for a slap around the face.
00:18:39 Oh!
00:18:40 Disrespect.
00:18:42 Let's have a contested power roll on this one.
00:18:46 Both roll on power.
00:18:50 So that is 4, 5.
00:18:55 So you just don't...
00:18:56 You no-sell it.
00:18:59 I'm not sure what's going on with you.
00:19:01 It both excites and scares me.
00:19:05 Yeah, it's the same with him. He's so happy. I slap you again harder.
00:19:09 Another contested power roll, please.
00:19:13 That's 7.
00:19:15 3.
00:19:16 Then Matrix knocks you, boom, to the mat with a second mighty slap across the face.
00:19:21 And I just put my straight foot across the throat and I say, "Does this excite you?"
00:19:28 Very much.
00:19:30 Very, very much.
00:19:33 While you're down there, I'm going to go around, slip you onto your front, and then I'm going to try and put you in a sleeper.
00:19:38 Let's see if you want to get a little bit unconscious.
00:19:41 A roll would work for that.
00:19:43 I have just drunk a lot of milk, so maybe...
00:19:45 5.
00:19:46 Then a Matrix has a strategy, though. Make everyone pass out.
00:19:50 Yeah, it's my favourite.
00:19:52 And then just chuck them over the rope.
00:19:54 Make them really, really blasted and then pop them over.
00:19:57 Alright.
00:19:58 I don't work on KC.
00:20:03 I see you attempt to get the sleeper hold, but you can't get purchase around the milk-lubricated body.
00:20:09 It's a tactic. You've got to work with what you know.
00:20:12 As the arm comes around, I want to grab the wrist, twist out, and go behind with a big wrist lock up the back.
00:20:17 Lovely. That's going to be work.
00:20:20 That is a 9.
00:20:22 Yes. You may be hard to get a grip on, but you're very good at getting a grip.
00:20:27 And you twist that arm behind her and you know how to have a really good, solid lock.
00:20:32 I want to then transition that, so holding the arm still, transition into a reverse DDT, dropping her on her arm.
00:20:41 That's another workflow, I think.
00:20:43 That's a 10.
00:20:45 That's big.
00:20:46 I'm talking through that drop.
00:20:48 So, as I just put the full force of my weight across to bring her down, her arm just goes underneath.
00:20:56 There's a big popping, cracking sound.
00:20:59 Might be me.
00:21:00 Might be Denimatrix.
00:21:02 You don't really know with Tony.
00:21:05 Denimatrix, what are you doing?
00:21:07 Okay, so my arm. I actually, surprisingly, don't look that much in pain at all.
00:21:14 I've just stabbed two stilettos into my scalp. I'm relatively fine with this.
00:21:17 So I'm going to just bum shuffle.
00:21:20 Bum shuffle around.
00:21:23 Like a dog.
00:21:26 She's got worms.
00:21:28 Or a toddler.
00:21:30 A dog with worms is fine.
00:21:33 I'm going to pretend that I'm in pain, that's the problem. I'm going to pretend I'm in pain so you let go.
00:21:37 Because you're old and you don't actually want to fight women, maybe you're that old school.
00:21:42 My dad did say that.
00:21:43 And I'm like, "Ow, ow, ow, ow."
00:21:45 You just sleep with them and then leave.
00:21:47 And I kind of get to my feet and as you're kind of down on the ground.
00:21:50 Aslee, we're going to have you roll on look to see if you can sell this fake pain.
00:21:54 Oh, it's just a straight roll.
00:21:57 Come on. I know how to fake it.
00:21:59 That's a seven.
00:22:00 Seven!
00:22:01 Okay, cool.
00:22:02 Oh, she's in pain.
00:22:03 Oh, oh, oh no. I'm sorry, love. I'm really sorry.
00:22:06 It's okay. Maybe I just need a little bit.
00:22:09 I'm going to put my arm around the back of your head.
00:22:11 And I go in for my favourite, favourite move where I just go straight for trying to break your nose over my knee.
00:22:17 Oh, psych!
00:22:19 And that's going to be a real roll.
00:22:21 Yay! Blood everywhere!
00:22:23 Oh, that is a six.
00:22:25 Goddammit.
00:22:26 Can't break his nose.
00:22:28 Can't break my nose.
00:22:30 It's already broken.
00:22:32 As you sort of try to bring me down onto your knee, I kind of catch the move slipping past me onto the mat and I just try to trip your leg.
00:22:40 Oh, cool. Straightforward work I think for that.
00:22:43 Very well.
00:22:44 That's an eight.
00:22:46 Yeah, and that's a boom and you land crash onto the mat.
00:22:49 What?
00:22:50 That's a trip. That's a successful trip.
00:22:53 As this happens and your head collides with the mat, you find yourself being sent back in your memory through time to years and years before the Wrangle, years before your time with CBW,
00:23:11 to another match on the indie circuit for a different promotion where once again you find yourself colliding with the mat, your head hitting the wooden boards underneath.
00:23:24 It's another match on the indie circuit which you've been asked to job because you're just not the right kind of wrestler to hang a championship on.
00:23:37 And as the bell goes and the very bland plain trunk wearing person leaves the ring head held high, the promoter steps into the ring, stands over you while you're lying down.
00:23:51 I'm sorry, Denim.
00:23:53 I'd love to...
00:23:56 I'd love to let you win. You're a...
00:24:00 You're a good woman, but no one will buy it.
00:24:05 No one will buy it.
00:24:08 Dinosaur.
00:24:11 Okay. I... No, people will.
00:24:16 You've seen the kind of champion people get behind. You've seen the posters. You've seen who holds the belt on every promotion up and down the country.
00:24:25 And don't take this personally. It's just business, but they don't look like you.
00:24:31 I don't know. Poor unfortunate souls.
00:24:36 Well, that may or may not be, but here's your check. And we'll see you next week to job again, aye?
00:24:50 And I take that check and I spend it to buy the pair of stilettos that I snapped on stage at CBW to stab into my own scalp.
00:25:03 Lest we forget. And with that, we come boom back to the present day, back in the Regal Wrangle.
00:25:08 Okay, cool.
00:25:09 Looking up at the lights, little Denim birds tweeting around the top of your head.
00:25:14 They're flying.
00:25:16 Yeah. That's all take a moment for that. That was pretty fun.
00:25:24 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:25:41 Thick, heavy, viscous fog drifts in down the ramp, drifts in from the audience, drifts in from the sky itself and begins to flood the area around the ring until it's too thick to see anything.
00:25:58 You hear the boom, boom, boom, boom beating of heavy tribal drums. Low voices begin to chant in an ancient language.
00:26:11 Ho, ho, ho, ho, and wafting down the ramp, hordes of Viking warriors, skins and horned helmets wielding axes and clubs and heavy swords.
00:26:36 They make their way around the ring, up over the apron, up through the ropes and surround the two of you.
00:26:43 The fog then wafts in from outside the ring until it covers the ring itself and you can't see more than an inch in front of your face.
00:26:51 When the fog finally dissipates and settles, these Viking warriors are gone, all but one, the largest, towering above the two of you in the center of the ring.
00:27:02 A huge, dead bear skin slung over his shoulders, a giant steel helmet on his head, a huge, thick, heavy, dirty beard on his chin and long, lank, black hair hanging from his shoulders.
00:27:16 He crouches down, breathes in and bellows out, Valhalla Kadabra!
00:27:22 [Laughter]
00:27:29 And then immediately lunges for you, Milkman.
00:27:32 Oh, for God's sake.
00:27:34 Viking magician.
00:27:36 That was a long way to get there, but it was worth it.
00:27:40 Roll on power, a nine.
00:27:42 Nine, amazing.
00:27:44 He slams his whole body weight into your body, but somehow you're able to get a purchase on the ground and not fall over.
00:27:51 And you're locked up right now with the towering, muscular figure of Valhalla Kadabra.
00:27:56 I'm going to go knee to the groin.
00:27:59 [Laughter]
00:28:01 Roll on real for that.
00:28:02 Knee to the groin?
00:28:03 That's real.
00:28:04 I don't know. It's a four.
00:28:05 It's not very real.
00:28:07 You hear something slip and crack in your knee.
00:28:10 These are Norse loins.
00:28:13 How about a little Norse power?
00:28:16 Yeah!
00:28:18 He goes to nut you in the head.
00:28:21 So roll on power for that.
00:28:24 That is six.
00:28:28 Yeah, the bridge of your nose splits.
00:28:31 See, that's how you do it, Norse.
00:28:34 That's how you break it, Norse.
00:28:36 And then he just pushes you back into the ropes and looms over you, taking, clearly, some degree of great pleasure in his own imposing form.
00:28:44 What are you up to?
00:28:45 Well, you guys are super, super distracted.
00:28:47 And by this time, I've gained strength and I've already climbed to the top turnbuckle and I'm just ready to jump.
00:28:53 And what I want to do is do a triple somersault and then land feet first on your shoulders.
00:28:59 And as I push you down with my enormous strength, I also want them to flip off and land feet, stomach on Milkman.
00:29:08 So that's a complicated thing.
00:29:10 Fucking gimmick infringement.
00:29:13 Get your own stick.
00:29:15 Plus one heat.
00:29:17 Generally, you can sing you getting heat.
00:29:20 Ah, screw it.
00:29:22 Plus one heat.
00:29:23 Would you be watching this from backstage?
00:29:25 Hells yeah, I would.
00:29:27 In fact, no, I don't think the animatrix probably cares very much about ripping you off.
00:29:31 So you gain plus one heat with the animatrix.
00:29:33 Fine, I will.
00:29:36 So you're going to have to roll on work to begin with for that crazy flippy shit.
00:29:40 Oh, it's so cool. It's amazing.
00:29:42 Fucking work.
00:29:45 Oh, it's seven.
00:29:46 Seven!
00:29:47 So you execute the flip and boom, land on his shoulder.
00:29:50 He starts trying to swing you off, but you've got a good grip.
00:29:53 You're now going to need to roll power to try and push him to the mat.
00:29:57 Okay, come on.
00:29:59 You need a big one here.
00:30:00 A really big one.
00:30:01 Oh!
00:30:04 That is an eight!
00:30:06 Yeah, you tighten your legs around his neck and he...
00:30:09 Boom! Drops to his knees.
00:30:12 You feel the ring reverberate as he lands.
00:30:16 And your third step was to leap from...
00:30:18 To use him as a springboard to sort of...
00:30:21 And then land feet first onto Milton's stomach, making him just vomit everywhere.
00:30:26 That is another work roll.
00:30:28 I wanted vomit.
00:30:30 That's real.
00:30:31 Yeah, but that's my ring!
00:30:33 You have to flip to get to the vomit.
00:30:35 Okay, cool.
00:30:38 Oh, four.
00:30:40 Yeah, that's right.
00:30:42 It's harder than it looks.
00:30:44 So as you leap from his shoulders in an attempt to do the second bit of acrobatic wizardry,
00:30:49 these two huge, heavy, dirty hands grab you by the ankles and slam you against the mat.
00:30:56 As you turn around to look up, towering above you now is the figure of Valhalla Kadabra.
00:31:00 Don't look, I give nose in the mouth.
00:31:03 And he punches you in the jaw.
00:31:05 Oh!
00:31:07 Crack straight across the jaw, like a tooth loosens at the very least.
00:31:10 Just loosens.
00:31:12 Just loosens for now.
00:31:14 A molar.
00:31:15 Dealer's choice.
00:31:16 How many teeth does his mouth have?
00:31:18 Loads.
00:31:20 One, two, three.
00:31:23 Pete, you've got that D20 on your desk.
00:31:26 Can you roll it for me?
00:31:29 Six.
00:31:30 You lose that one.
00:31:32 How would you... What has happened?
00:31:34 That's the sixth tooth from the back of your mouth.
00:31:36 Okay, cool. So I've lost a tooth. Five.
00:31:38 Thanks, Pete.
00:31:39 It really, really hurts, but I'm just...
00:31:41 I want to kick you in the crotch.
00:31:43 What are you up to, Mokman?
00:31:45 So I'm behind him, I'm guessing, if he's flopped Denimatrix down.
00:31:49 I'm going to run in and try and lock in a half Nelson to keep him impaired.
00:31:58 Smart thinking.
00:32:00 Oh no!
00:32:03 It's a critical fail!
00:32:05 It's a natural two.
00:32:08 I critically fail myself out of the race.
00:32:12 I just leave.
00:32:14 So your arms wrap around his neck to try and get a half Nelson.
00:32:19 You try to get Purchase, you try to get your own strength,
00:32:23 throw him for how he is, and he simply moves your arms out of the way.
00:32:28 I'm going to die.
00:32:31 You feel his grip tightening on both wrists.
00:32:34 You feel a tugging in your shoulders.
00:32:37 There is an almighty tear and crack as you feel both shoulders get dislocated.
00:32:45 And then he starts pulling your arms behind you,
00:32:50 almost trying to pull your ribcage out of the socket at this point.
00:32:53 Scream! Scream yourself, Norse!
00:32:58 All of your puns, horse ones.
00:33:02 And as you start to pass out...
00:33:07 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:33:16 Eh.
00:33:20 It's me! It's me!
00:33:22 You see the metal ramp raise up on this huge pneumatic lift.
00:33:27 It raises all the way to the top of the titantron.
00:33:30 You see me! I skate down and I shout at the top of my lungs,
00:33:34 "Get away from my dad, cowabunga!"
00:33:38 And I just leap off the end of the ramp, which is suspended like 50 feet in the air,
00:33:42 and I land on Valhalla Kadabra.
00:33:46 Amazing. Roll on work for that.
00:33:48 Roll on work. That's plus two.
00:33:51 That is eight. No, that is nine.
00:33:54 Boom. What part of Valhalla Kadabra do you want to land on?
00:33:56 His head.
00:33:59 You've landed his head on your skateboard.
00:34:03 Oli flips his helmet off. Is that right?
00:34:05 Sure! Righteous!
00:34:10 You knock his helmet off his head and it goes skittering across the mat.
00:34:14 He drops the now unconscious, utterly unconscious, both arms dislocated...
00:34:23 Three ribs broken off the metal ramp.
00:34:26 Oh, dearie me.
00:34:29 And he turns to face you, "Boy!"
00:34:33 "Dad, I need you! Wake up! Wake up!"
00:34:39 I try and do a medical flip,
00:34:45 wherein I flip onto his shoulders and try and crap them back into place.
00:34:51 That's insane.
00:34:53 I didn't go to seven years of medical flip school to not be able to do this.
00:34:58 Because you included the word "flip" in there, I guess you can add work.
00:35:02 Yay! Plus two.
00:35:04 Five and... Oh, it's big!
00:35:08 That's a thirteen.
00:35:10 Talk us through this medical flip, because I have no fucking clue what it is.
00:35:14 I flip through the air, hearing the flipocratic oath in my head.
00:35:20 "Do no harm!" And I land with both feet, one foot on each of his shoulders.
00:35:25 They crack back into place and he's awake.
00:35:29 I'm not sure that's better.
00:35:33 I help the Melkerman to his feet.
00:35:37 I lock wrists with you and we're going to run at Valhalla Kadabra.
00:35:43 I don't want to.
00:35:46 Are you going to double team him?
00:35:47 We're going to try and double clothesline him over the top rope.
00:35:50 Amazing. So I want you both to roll on power.
00:35:54 I'm going to need a hard success from one of you.
00:35:58 Oh no.
00:36:02 At least it wasn't double ones.
00:36:06 It's not Tony.
00:36:08 Oh, it's not me.
00:36:11 Okay, I'm going to try and re-roll to hint at what's behind the mask.
00:36:15 This is my only re-roll, but I'm going to do it.
00:36:19 I'm going to... well, obviously I take a bit of the milk that is from my mouth.
00:36:25 I look at my father and I just do war paint over the...
00:36:29 No, I just go straight down.
00:36:31 So I've got this ivory mask.
00:36:36 I try for...
00:36:39 Oh, nice.
00:36:41 It's a three.
00:36:45 You both go for this double clothesline, arms outstretched.
00:36:48 As you get to Valhalla Kadabra, he simply grabs both of your arms and then plants you both side by side against the mat.
00:36:58 Stands up straight, clenches his fists and then boom, brings them right down your chest.
00:37:02 Again. Boom.
00:37:05 Again. Boom.
00:37:07 What are you doing down there?
00:37:08 When he's putting his fist down, every time he's coming up, he's like...
00:37:12 And I've taken a tooth out of my mouth and I'm going to throw it into his mouth.
00:37:17 I'm choking.
00:37:19 Roll on work.
00:37:21 Roll on real.
00:37:22 Yes!
00:37:23 Yeah, real.
00:37:25 Oh, that is a seven.
00:37:27 Seven!
00:37:28 [Laughter]
00:37:39 He's choking on this tooth.
00:37:41 He's stomping around the ring, his big foot's pounding against the ground and almost hits your head.
00:37:46 Misses by about half an inch.
00:37:48 Can we all three of us team up?
00:37:50 All of us team up to get him out?
00:37:51 Up to you, yeah.
00:37:52 Let's all push him up.
00:37:55 You tell me how you three are going to triple team, Valhalla Kadabra.
00:37:59 You're just emotional support.
00:38:01 [Laughter]
00:38:04 We've got veteran, I guess you'll punch him.
00:38:08 What are we each going to do?
00:38:10 We should each do a move that is our thing.
00:38:12 Yeah, I think I would be locking him up in some way.
00:38:15 Nice.
00:38:16 What I can do is I can jump up and use my really, really horrific nails to scratch on his face to get him to go like that.
00:38:23 Oh, nice.
00:38:24 You take out his eyes and then you work him into some kind of hole or something.
00:38:27 Cool, and then I will just...
00:38:29 Do a backflip.
00:38:31 I'll hit my springboard kick, the live and super kicking.
00:38:34 Okay.
00:38:35 Amazing.
00:38:36 So you'll be rolling on work, you'll be rolling on reel, and you'll be rolling on work.
00:38:40 Yep.
00:38:41 Cool.
00:38:42 Tell me what you've got.
00:38:43 Come on.
00:38:44 Oh, it's not good for me.
00:38:46 I've got a nine.
00:38:48 I've got a six.
00:38:49 I've got a five.
00:38:50 Wow.
00:38:51 Guys!
00:38:52 Please.
00:38:53 I've got a one.
00:38:54 Okay.
00:38:55 That sucks so bad.
00:38:56 So you go in for the grab but he's so big and so strong you can't quite get decent purchase.
00:39:01 Oh no.
00:39:02 He's just ever so slightly, "Oh God, whose eyes are you going to get?"
00:39:06 I love you to do that.
00:39:08 You go in for the eyes, you manage to scratch his forehead a little bit and distract him slightly.
00:39:13 He's now got a veteran on his leg, he's got an antihero clawing in his face, but he's huge and he's still standing strong.
00:39:21 But then, on that success, just as he's about to wrench you both off and bellow some terrible pun into the air once again,
00:39:30 KidFlips connects with his super live and kicking.
00:39:35 Live and super kicking.
00:39:36 Live and super kicking mitt.
00:39:37 That's a live and super kicking move.
00:39:38 Cracks straight against his head.
00:39:40 He stumbles back one foot, two feet, just seems to right himself again and then something seems to pass in his head.
00:39:48 And whoomph, he falls back over the rope.
00:39:51 Boom.
00:39:52 Yes!
00:39:55 Cool, that was so 50/50.
00:39:57 Yeah, well done. Teamwork.
00:40:00 Well, we tried.
00:40:02 Everyone helped.
00:40:03 Everyone helped.
00:40:04 We all did the equal amount.
00:40:07 And the three of you are alone in the ring for a brief moment.
00:40:10 Well, he's super distracted because he's done the bit that's actually worked and he's just super celebrating because he's 90s and that's what you do in the 90s.
00:40:16 And I'm just going to be really immature and just try and push him out of the ring.
00:40:20 Whoa!
00:40:21 Oh my God.
00:40:22 Okay, let's just have you roll on...
00:40:26 Oh man, that feels pretty real.
00:40:35 Oh, the six.
00:40:38 Fine.
00:40:41 Roll on work for me.
00:40:43 Okay, so my work is plus two.
00:40:46 That is nine.
00:40:48 So you feel yourself being pushed against the ropes, you feel your feet leave the mat, you start to flip backwards.
00:40:53 Just tell us how you flip your way back in, 90s style.
00:40:56 Basically, as I flip forward, kind of just land on my head, my kind of neck just bounces me.
00:41:02 I land on the top rope.
00:41:04 I say, "Ey up, what's the rumpus?"
00:41:07 Is that 90s? That's like from the 40s.
00:41:11 I say, "Trying to eliminate me? Not!"
00:41:16 And then I hit you with the Clarissa explains it all moonsault.
00:41:20 Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
00:41:22 Roll on work.
00:41:23 All right, that is...
00:41:26 Oh no! That is five.
00:41:30 Okay, so just a few things to get through here.
00:41:33 So you make your way to the top rope, you somersault out of that moonsault, but unfortunately you just don't quite connect.
00:41:40 But you are able to get your footing at least.
00:41:43 And as you do, you lock eyes with the milkman.
00:41:46 We are now going to jump back many, many, many, many, many years into the past.
00:41:52 We find ourselves with Tony the milkman on his rounds as he stops to deliver milk to a very specific house.
00:42:03 Just putting the bottles out on the old porch as you go.
00:42:07 I think about for a moment looking at the door, looking at the bell.
00:42:12 I'm going to press it. I just hold for a second.
00:42:16 Ding dong.
00:42:18 There's a small pause, the door opens and a beautiful woman is there waiting on the other side.
00:42:25 "Tony, I see you've brought the milk."
00:42:30 "It's the job, innit?"
00:42:34 "It's just a couple of extra pints though, you know, for you."
00:42:40 "You're so good to me, Tony. You always do the job."
00:42:45 As she says this, you look down and see a little boy tugging on her skirts.
00:42:51 "Who is it, Mum?"
00:42:53 "Oh, it's the milkman, son."
00:42:56 "Hello."
00:42:57 "Hello, lad. What's your name?"
00:43:00 "My name?"
00:43:03 "Why, sir, I'm... I'm Kid Flips."
00:43:08 "That genuinely can't be your actual name. Is that what you called him?"
00:43:13 "It's what he calls himself, Tony."
00:43:16 "What's his given name?"
00:43:18 "Excuse me, sir. What do you do for a living?"
00:43:23 "Well, me? I'm a... I'm a milkman, son."
00:43:27 "No. What do you really do for a living?"
00:43:32 "This is the point, son. It doesn't matter what you do for a living as long as you do it every single day."
00:43:40 "As long as you do it with all of your heart and all of your soul."
00:43:44 "So sure, I might be Tony the Milkman from CBW, but I am, first and foremost, also a milkman."
00:43:55 "When I grow up and I want to be in CBW, will you... will you teach me?"
00:44:04 "Oh, don't go putting ideas in his head, Tony."
00:44:08 "I'll make you a promise, lad. I will teach you in the ways of wrestling and I will get you to CBW, but you have to do something for me."
00:44:18 "Anything?"
00:44:19 "You have to learn another craft."
00:44:23 "Okay. I'll become what every father wants his child to become. A professional skateboarder!"
00:44:35 "And I take one of my mum's little kitchen trays and I try and flip it into the air with my tiny heels."
00:44:45 "Roll on work, plus one. And you're only a lad."
00:44:50 "Fucking right, twelve!"
00:44:54 "All yours."
00:45:00 "Is that a critical?"
00:45:02 "That is an unnatural twelve."
00:45:04 "Still amazing."
00:45:06 "I click my little heels on the kitchen tray. I feel like I'm suspended in mid-air."
00:45:14 "I feel myself flipping around for the very first time and I land on both my feet and I can't even believe what I've just done."
00:45:24 "And I said, 'Is wrestling like that?'"
00:45:29 "I mean... not where I'm from, lad. It was very impressive. I'm proud, but frankly, it's killing the business."
00:45:43 "Well, what would you have me do?"
00:45:48 "What move would you have me do, dad?"
00:45:52 "I mean, what move would you have me do, paternal figure, who I'm not yet sure has any more of a familial role in my life?"
00:46:02 "Teach me my very first proper move."
00:46:07 "Doris, you're going to have to lie down for this one. We need a test dummy."
00:46:14 "Anything for my boys."
00:46:17 "And she lies down."
00:46:21 "Roll on look for this."
00:46:26 "That is a seven."
00:46:28 "Convincing."
00:46:31 "She seems a little reticent, but you always learn right by her. She lies down on the lino floor."
00:46:39 "I teach kidflips the other half of the full churn."
00:46:46 "So the other leg..."
00:46:48 "It's so beautiful."
00:46:59 "It's almost like I planned it, but I didn't."
00:47:03 "And we'll just very quickly cut to the end of that afternoon as you are waving goodbye from the door, you make your way back to the milk truck for the rest of your rounds."
00:47:12 "All the other milk boiling hot now."
00:47:16 "Completely defeating the object of a milkman."
00:47:20 "It was a happy day."
00:47:23 "I just, before he goes, I say, just one more thing."
00:47:30 "Just before you go, I just wanted you to have this."
00:47:34 "I saved up all my pocket money and I bought this for you."
00:47:41 "And it's a very, very tiny, it's actually kind of homemade, he's bought all the materials separately and glued them together."
00:47:49 "In this tiny little, very blocky wooden skateboard."
00:47:53 "Who knows, maybe you'll find some use for it one day."
00:47:58 "Maybe lad, maybe."
00:48:01 "Thank you."
00:48:03 "And as your eyes meet, we then jump back to the present day, your eyes meeting in the ring."
00:48:11 "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."
00:48:20 "Ehhhh."
00:48:24 "You hear the Sturman drang of metal and brick and iron clashing."
00:48:32 "Again and again and again."
00:48:35 "And more and more."
00:48:37 "Just so much Sturman drang."
00:48:40 "And then out comes a almost cuboid woman, shaved, completely bald, wearing a black unitard, welding gloves, heavy steel toe cap work boots and a high-vis jacket."
00:48:52 "It is Gerda, one half of the constructive arms and one half of the current City British Wrestling Tag Team Champions."
00:49:00 "Ohhhh."
00:49:03 "She stands on the top of the ramp, spreads her arms, opens her mouth and the sound of a pneumatic drill just follows."
00:49:12 "She stomps down to the ring, jumps over the ropes and for a brief moment just takes in the three other wrestlers currently in the ring."
00:49:24 "Lockseyes with Denimatrix."
00:49:27 "He gives me a high five."
00:49:30 "Is that how you're going to interpret this?"
00:49:33 "I kinda want to."
00:49:35 "A hand moves towards you at a very fast speed."
00:49:39 "And I meet it."
00:49:41 "Roll on power."
00:49:47 "Good luck."
00:49:48 "Oh my god, this is gonna be shit."
00:49:50 "Oh, Spawn!"
00:49:52 "This massive, blocky fist thrusts through the air, straight for your face, you hold the hand out to high five it, catch the fist in your hand and just hold it there with an unexpected display of really impressive physical strength from someone who isn't known as a powerful wrestler."
00:50:09 "Every now and then."
00:50:11 "Brings back another arm, swings in with a second fist, roll on power."
00:50:15 "Okay."
00:50:19 "Oh, that's not as good."
00:50:22 "Crack right across the jaw."
00:50:24 "Sends you staggering back a few feet."
00:50:26 "What's everybody doing?"
00:50:28 "We're just sort of having a look."
00:50:31 "I think we're having the same flashback this second moment."
00:50:34 "Yeah, but it's happening in real time."
00:50:38 "So this is how you do the move."
00:50:40 "Oh, is that how you do it?"
00:50:42 "You guys, you're on the other one, you gotta go, 'Oh, I see, I see, I see.'"
00:50:45 "Fuck me, all this milk is hot."
00:50:48 "Back to Denimatrix, what are you up to?"
00:50:50 "Well, actually, I got flung so far back that I took Kidflips out."
00:50:55 "Okay, what's your B?"
00:50:58 "Kidflips, roll on power."
00:51:01 "Okay, my specialty."
00:51:03 "Mind it too."
00:51:05 "That's a critical fail!"
00:51:07 "Okay."
00:51:09 "It's just like everyone's in a family."
00:51:11 "The sheer strength of Girded Punch knocks back Denimatrix about five feet at a huge velocity."
00:51:21 "Collides straight with your limber, lithe, but not very heavy frame."
00:51:25 "You are flung against the rope, you tip backwards over the top."
00:51:29 "Roll on work for me."
00:51:31 "Oh, that's..."
00:51:33 "It's big!"
00:51:35 "It's 12."
00:51:37 "Just as your body flips back 360 degrees and your feet are inches from the floor, a milky hand grabs your wrist at the last moment."
00:51:50 "Nothing gets past your eyes, eh, pops?"
00:51:54 "I've got you, lad. Let's get you back in the ring!"
00:51:58 "And you are back in the ring on that amazing roll."
00:52:02 "Denimatrix, you've managed to gather yourself again?"
00:52:05 "I've gathered myself again. You've been flipped back in about..."
00:52:07 "Can I hit Denimatrix as I come back into the ring, please?"
00:52:09 "I'm not back."
00:52:11 "How are you going to do this?"
00:52:14 "I think I throw him."
00:52:16 "As I'm pulling him back up, I'm like, 'Do your stuff, lad!'"
00:52:20 "You've got to throw him. Roll on power."
00:52:23 "He might just go out the other side."
00:52:27 "Oh my God!"
00:52:29 "Critical success!"
00:52:31 "Amazing."
00:52:33 "Oh my God!"
00:52:35 "I'm only powered up when I'm being a father!"
00:52:39 "Talk us through the fatherly love that is causing you to reach superhuman levels of strength, dear."
00:52:45 "I think that the first time I've willingly touched my own child in a sort of fatherly embrace,"
00:52:52 "I'm just filled with all these emotions that I've been keeping down,"
00:52:55 "and they fuel aching bones to just produce this amazing burst of energy that just powers up through my legs"
00:53:04 "as I just one-armed launch him into the air, backwards towards Denimatrix."
00:53:10 "As you do this on a critical success and the fatherly love and the milk courses through your veins,"
00:53:16 "you almost feel the break in your nose knit together with sheer emotional force."
00:53:23 "I've been cured by pride!"
00:53:25 "And like a radical missile, the body of Kid Flips collides with Denimatrix,"
00:53:33 "sends her straight back into the corner of the ring, her head cracks against the turnbuckle,"
00:53:37 "and she is unconscious."
00:53:39 "Oh, I'm so sorry!"
00:53:41 "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!"
00:53:51 "Ehhhh!"
00:53:53 "Out walks Silverbro. There's no fancy pyro, there's no nothing, but occasionally he will go, 'Joe!'"
00:54:09 "Joe!"
00:54:11 "Joe!"
00:54:13 "Joe!"
00:54:15 "And bro."
00:54:17 "And I walk to the ring, I get in, I step over with my big legs and I lock eyes with Gerda."
00:54:23 "And I say, 'Gerda, you're in the way of us winning the tag team titles and everyone else.'"
00:54:27 "You're in the way of my brother winning the heavyweight championship of this city, British Island."
00:54:33 "And so..."
00:54:35 "So I am charging straight for Gerda with a big old shoulder block."
00:54:42 "Ohhhh!"
00:54:44 "He's not stuffed for sturdy manoeuvre!"
00:54:46 "Oh, I know it's power."
00:54:48 "Ahhhh!"
00:54:50 "That is sleek eyes! That is a critical fail!"
00:54:53 "Sorry! Sorry, Joe!"
00:55:00 "Okay, your impressive frame enters the ring."
00:55:05 "You go straight for the one move you do better than anything else, than anybody else."
00:55:10 "And as your shoulder connects with the steely body of Gerda, you hear a brittle snap."
00:55:16 "Ow."
00:55:17 "Is it her?"
00:55:19 "No."
00:55:21 "As your shoulder caves in slightly, unable to knock down this low centre of gravity immovable object."
00:55:28 "On a critical fail for the rest of the wrangle, you cannot do another shoulder block."
00:55:33 "Oh, that's four moves of doom!"
00:55:38 "On top of that, a heavy fist connects with your face and knocks you to the mat."
00:55:43 "A heavy boot stamps on your chest."
00:55:46 "Ow."
00:55:47 "We're going to say, with your shoulder block out of action, your power has dropped to just plus one."
00:55:51 "Oh, man!"
00:55:53 "Oh, no!"
00:55:54 "That's a critical fail, man."
00:55:56 "Yeah, them's the rules."
00:55:58 "I almost died!"
00:56:00 "What are the Northerners doing?"
00:56:08 "I think we're just both shocked that we did something together."
00:56:11 "We're like, 'God, we'll have to tell your mum about this!'"
00:56:14 "We can tell her right now!"
00:56:15 "Mum! Look what I just did!"
00:56:17 "Hey, Doris!"
00:56:18 "My boys!"
00:56:19 "A very proud hand over her chest."
00:56:24 "Gerda reaches down, grabs you by the scruff of the neck."
00:56:27 "What are you doing, Silverbro?"
00:56:29 "I am going to grab her arm and sort of like roll her off."
00:56:34 "With the intention that when she gets up, I'm then going to charge at her with a big boot instead."
00:56:39 "Oh, nice."
00:56:41 "So, are you just trying to literally force her off?"
00:56:44 "Yes."
00:56:45 "That'll be power."
00:56:46 "That's much better! That's eleven!"
00:56:48 "You wrench this big lump of steel off your body."
00:56:51 "Yes, and she gets up and I run and charge with the devastating big boot of doom."
00:56:56 "And that is... eight!"
00:57:00 "Boom! Your boot connects right with her face."
00:57:03 "Excellent."
00:57:04 "Nose makes a kind of bending metal noise as it twists to the left."
00:57:08 "She takes two steps back."
00:57:10 "And as she sort of hits the mat, I look to the crowd."
00:57:12 "The crowd know what's coming next."
00:57:14 "Still on her feet at the moment."
00:57:15 "Oh, still on her feet. That's fine, that's where I want her."
00:57:17 "That's exactly where I want her!"
00:57:19 "I look around, the crowd know what's coming next."
00:57:22 "They've read in the papers that I went to go see a very sick boy in hospital."
00:57:27 "That I like just as, almost as much as my brother."
00:57:30 "This little boy named Andy."
00:57:32 "And I'm going to do his world's favourite move that I've named after him."
00:57:36 "So I get up onto the second turnbuckle and I do the Datsun Double Axe!"
00:57:40 "And I dive off to try and collide with her."
00:57:43 "Ooh, that's good."
00:57:46 "Look at Ollie's face!"
00:57:50 "He's so furious!"
00:57:52 "It's a sick track!"
00:57:55 "Yeah, yeah. Well, you know."
00:57:58 "I usually get the press stuff."
00:58:01 "Sick children are my thing."
00:58:03 "He asked to see me."
00:58:05 "Okay, well, Goldenjoy's still backstage right now."
00:58:09 "Well, I'm watching this at this angle on the TV monitor."
00:58:14 "While the crowd chant, 'Datsun, Datsun, Datsun!'"
00:58:21 "Power."
00:58:30 "It is six."
00:58:32 "It would have been seven."
00:58:36 "As you bring these double hands down, these big metallic mitts grip across them."
00:58:45 "And just squeeze and they'll leave you hanging, feet dangling about."
00:58:49 "Maybe two, three feet off the air."
00:58:51 "She manoeuvres her hands so only one of them is holding onto you."
00:58:56 "The other is free and then starts punching you."
00:58:58 "Boom, boom, boom."
00:59:00 "Rocky Balboa, boom, in the stomach."
00:59:03 "Denimatrix, can you roll on power?"
00:59:08 "We're just going to try and have you come to."
00:59:11 "Yeah, I'd love to."
00:59:12 "Critical success!"
00:59:16 "You are a snap open."
00:59:18 "Just boom!"
00:59:20 "And you zip up rather than give up."
00:59:23 "Zip up!"
00:59:24 "Yes!"
00:59:25 "I zip up rather than give up."
00:59:28 "I zip up rather than give up."
00:59:30 "Amazing, you in an instant snap back to consciousness."
00:59:34 "Yes!"
00:59:35 "Snap back to seeing that little nap is not a world of good."
00:59:38 "You feel strong and ready."
00:59:40 "What are you doing?"
00:59:41 "Well, those two are distracted, Gerda and she's having a lovely time using him as a pinata."
00:59:46 "Which is great."
00:59:47 "She can keep doing that, these two are still distracted."
00:59:49 "Waving at Mum, because I'm just going to smash their heads together."
00:59:52 "That is going to be a power roll."
00:59:56 "I'm sorry, it's..."
00:59:58 "You want to work some nails into it, maybe I can give you real."
01:00:02 "Or your horns, but if it's just straight forward head knocking."
01:00:06 "Straight forward head knocking."
01:00:07 "We'll see the intention of smashing both skulls."
01:00:09 "Oh, it's painful!"
01:00:12 "That's good."
01:00:13 "That's nice."
01:00:14 "You two have this beautiful moment, looking at each other straight in the eye, connecting on a profound filial level."
01:00:19 "For ages!"
01:00:20 "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
01:00:22 "Absolutely."
01:00:24 "Crack of two denim clad hands, smash your faces together."
01:00:28 "Yeah."
01:00:30 "We just feel ourselves milk up."
01:00:32 "My milk is boiling, my milk is boiling, lads!"
01:00:37 "Let's get her!"
01:00:38 "Let's curdle her!"
01:00:40 "What do you think we could do? A full curdle."
01:00:44 "Oh, first degree curdle."
01:00:46 "Try and get her in the middle of us now, and just crush her between us."
01:00:50 "Okay, we'll have you both roll on power for this."
01:00:54 "Obviously, not our strong suit."
01:00:56 "And I'll take the highest for the two of you."
01:00:58 "Three versus... oh, five."
01:01:04 "Yeah, you try to get a good grip on Denimatrix, but this renewed energy has given her a new lease of strength, and you just can't. Denimatrix?"
01:01:15 "Well, first thing I do is I just push Kidflips off out of the way, and then I get your head over my shoulder, and then I go to do one of my favourite moves, which is split stunner. So I go stunner, but with splits, while you're maintaining eye contact with your son."
01:01:31 "Fuck."
01:01:33 "I don't know if you're really the nice anti-hero."
01:01:37 "I'm not nice, I never said I was."
01:01:40 "That's gonna be... I would say work for that, maybe."
01:01:44 "Unless, if you wanna... bow me down to your case."
01:01:47 "But is it luck, because it's like split?"
01:01:49 "Fine."
01:01:50 "Yeah."
01:01:51 "That's eleven."
01:01:54 "Fuuuuck."
01:01:55 "That stunner connects as you execute a beautiful split onto the mat. We're now gonna jump back to Gerda and Ro."
01:02:03 "Cool. So, boom. I am going to try and overhand chop, using my bad shoulder with the intention of trying to pop it back into place, while also doing damage."
01:02:15 "Ooh, that's real. That's a roll on real, because he's a man who's played some D&D."
01:02:20 "Can I use... Golden Joe's real?"
01:02:24 "How can you connect this to Golden Joe?"
01:02:26 "Well, I'm doing it for him, we wanna win the tag titles."
01:02:29 "That's a... I'm gonna need a bit more than that."
01:02:32 "Well, I'm watching on from backstage, and I can... I nod in approval."
01:02:37 "Okay, well have you rolled on look to see if that nod somehow is transmitted across the ether?"
01:02:42 "Plus two. Well, I'm Mike TV."
01:02:44 "That's ten."
01:02:46 "That's ten."
01:02:47 "Okay, fine. You can roll on Joe's real. What's your real?"
01:02:50 "Plus two."
01:02:51 "Real's minus two."
01:02:54 "Oh, what the hell?"
01:02:55 "This is not... it's luck that's plus two. Dang it."
01:02:59 "You've got an intimacy there."
01:03:00 "I mean, my real's minus two."
01:03:02 "Joe's in his part."
01:03:03 "Okay."
01:03:04 "It's not good, it's four."
01:03:07 "It just bounces off, and once more. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom."
01:03:13 "I'm gonna kick him in the vagina."
01:03:14 "Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One."
01:03:23 "Aaah."
01:03:24 "Oh, sweat."
01:03:28 "Oh, oh."
01:03:29 "Oh, no."
01:03:30 "I have a feeling it's not gonna be good for me."
01:03:33 "Stomping out from the top of the ramp, a woman who looks almost identical to the woman who's currently punching you."
01:03:39 "Probably close to three dozen times a day in the stomach."
01:03:42 "Same high-vis jacket, welded gloves, and steel work boots."
01:03:46 "Opens her mouth, flings her arms open, and the sound of a cement mixer churns out from behind her throat."
01:03:54 "And she's just stomping her way out of the stage."
01:03:56 "As soon as she gets into the ring, Gerda puts you down."
01:04:05 "She just starts massaging her hands, and as you set down on the floor, you feel another hand grab you around the back of the neck."
01:04:14 "And a fresh pair of mitts start pounding you. Boom. Boom. Boom. In the stomach again."
01:04:20 "Roll on power for this, Silver Bro."
01:04:25 "Oh, it's phase 11."
01:04:27 "It seems that these dozens of punches have somehow calloused your abs."
01:04:33 "Where they're actually pretty damn hard."
01:04:36 "And Pylon, who's a little bit smaller than Gerda, can't seem to quite get some kind of purchase in between your ribs."
01:04:43 "So I'm gonna grab the hand and maneuver myself out of the way, and then make her punch Gerda."
01:04:51 "That is clever. That sounds technical to me."
01:04:55 "Yeah, okay."
01:04:56 "Which is work."
01:04:57 "Eh, plus one."
01:04:58 "And that is ten."
01:05:00 "Hell yeah."
01:05:01 "Yeah!"
01:05:02 "And whoosh, the fist swings round and clocks Gerda right across the jaw."
01:05:09 "I'm gonna do it again."
01:05:12 "Gerda turns to look at Pylon at this point, briefly distracted."
01:05:16 "Gerda and Pylon are now looking at each other."
01:05:19 "Pylon is trying to explain this by the fact that she only speaks in cement mixer."
01:05:24 "And Gerda is just furious. What are you doing?"
01:05:27 "I'm going to try and double-close-line both of them."
01:05:30 "Power. Just straightforward power."
01:05:33 "That is seven, eight."
01:05:36 "Nice."
01:05:37 "Go."
01:05:38 "Bong!"
01:05:43 "It sounds like someone dropping a giant metal bell on the ground."
01:05:46 "But the two of them, boof, are knocked onto the mat."
01:05:49 "And you are standing proud and standing tall."
01:05:51 "The audience is in awe of the punishment you have taken."
01:05:55 "Bro!"
01:05:58 "Joe!"
01:06:00 "Bro!"
01:06:01 "Joe!"
01:06:02 "Bro!"
01:06:03 "Joe!"
01:06:04 "Bro!"
01:06:05 "Joe!"
01:06:06 "Bro!"
01:06:07 "Joe!"
01:06:08 "And because I can feel the crowd are starting to chant for Bro,"
01:06:12 "and the focus should be on me,"
01:06:14 "I'm going to do Golden Joe's finish onto both of them,"
01:06:18 "as a tribute to my brother who I love very much,"
01:06:20 "and I want everyone to start chanting 'Joe' again."
01:06:23 "That's going to work."
01:06:25 "Oh my God, do you want to die?"
01:06:27 "You can roll on Joe's neck for this."
01:06:29 "What the fuck?"
01:06:30 "Oh my God, this is so funny."
01:06:32 "That'll be... that's ten."
01:06:34 "Please tell us how beautifully you execute this."
01:06:37 "I start running around and I go, 'Joe!'"
01:06:40 "Every time I hit the ropes, 'Joe!'"
01:06:42 "Bro!"
01:06:43 "Joe!"
01:06:44 "Bro!"
01:06:45 "Joe!"
01:06:46 "Bro!"
01:06:47 "And as the crowd ramp up, what I hear is 'Joe'."
01:06:49 "I stop and I do two big elbow drops onto both of them,"
01:06:54 "and I stand up and I go, 'Joe!'"
01:06:56 "Bro!"
01:06:59 "Bravo!"
01:07:00 "Bro! Bro! Joe! Yeah!"
01:07:02 "In my head, I'm just here going, 'Yeah, this is great, we're doing the right thing here.'"
01:07:06 "Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro!"
01:07:09 "Ten!"
01:07:11 "Nine!"
01:07:12 "Eight!"
01:07:13 "Seven!"
01:07:14 "Six!"
01:07:15 "Five!"
01:07:16 "Four!"
01:07:17 "Three!"
01:07:18 "Two!"
01:07:19 "One!"
01:07:20 "Blow!"
01:07:22 "Yeah!"
01:07:28 "Bro!"
01:07:30 "Smoke fills the top of the stage."
01:07:35 "Lasers shoot out."
01:07:37 "And Joe just walks out, Golden Joe."
01:07:40 "And he's a golden jacket, he's wearing the sunglasses."
01:07:43 "He's doing the normal entrance, but he looks a bit pissed off."
01:07:48 "He goes to one corner of the stage."
01:07:51 "Joe."
01:07:52 "Bro!"
01:07:53 "Bro!"
01:07:54 "Goes to the other corner of the stage."
01:07:56 "Joe!"
01:07:59 "He walks down to the ring."
01:08:01 "A woman offers him a baby, he takes the baby."
01:08:04 "He's not really looking at the baby, he keeps on walking down."
01:08:07 "He hands it off to another person."
01:08:10 "He then looks at his brother in the ring."
01:08:14 "He sees Gerda and Pylon down there."
01:08:17 "He sees everybody else."
01:08:19 "Denimatrix, Kid Flips, Milkman."
01:08:22 "And he thinks, 'It's a pretty full ring already.'"
01:08:27 "So I'm just gonna shake the hands of these Joe bodies across the stage for a bit."
01:08:33 "Because that's what they're here for."
01:08:35 "That's what they want for Joe."
01:08:37 "And they're pointing at him, like, 'We can throw them out!'"
01:08:40 "You've got it under control, it seems, mate."
01:08:42 "Sweet! Good plan! Good plan, Joe!"
01:08:46 "Let's have you quickly roll on look for shaking those hands."
01:08:49 "Plus two."
01:08:51 "It's eight. It's nine."
01:08:53 "And as you make your way around the ring and shake hands and..."
01:08:57 "What's it we're looking for? Moosie? Moosie? Schmooze?"
01:09:00 "Schmooze, thank you. I got that."
01:09:02 "Schmooze for the crowd."
01:09:03 "The sound of 'Bro, Bro' starts to very slightly move back in the direction of Joe again."
01:09:10 "But there's still a lot of voices out there calling both things."
01:09:12 "Joe? Joe? Joe?"
01:09:15 "We are now going to check in with you three again and what you're up to."
01:09:20 "Well, I've just been cracked."
01:09:22 "But he's also kind of a bit floppy at this point."
01:09:24 "And I'm going to use my... Damn it! Strength!"
01:09:29 "I'm going to lift him up and as I throw... Oh my God, maybe I can make this work."
01:09:33 "As I try and throw him out of the ring, I look to him and say, 'You can call me Daddy.'"
01:09:38 "Oh!"
01:09:40 "You can roll on your heat with flips for that."
01:09:43 "I don't have any heat."
01:09:44 "That's right, you don't care about me."
01:09:46 "You don't care about me. That's just a straight 2D6."
01:09:50 "Oh, damn it!"
01:09:54 "That would have been really good."
01:09:56 "I'm going to call you Weird Auntie."
01:09:59 "It seems that last feat of strength was an anomaly of your second wind."
01:10:03 "And you just can't get the purchase or the push needed to get the Milkman out of the ring."
01:10:09 "Flips?"
01:10:11 "I am going to... Well, off the back of that failure, lock an eye to my dad."
01:10:17 "Is it time, Dad?"
01:10:19 "They're a bit woozy."
01:10:21 "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad."
01:10:23 "What do you want?"
01:10:24 "Is it time?"
01:10:25 "For what?"
01:10:26 "For the full churn, I lad. It's time."
01:10:31 "I'm so excited."
01:10:33 "I want both of you guys to roll on work."
01:10:36 "That's plus 2."
01:10:37 "No!"
01:10:38 "Hell's yeah, that's 9."
01:10:40 "Mine is an 8."
01:10:42 "Take us through the full churn."
01:10:44 "So I guess as Denimatrix is trying to lift me up, we've had a conversation while I'm halfway in the air."
01:10:50 "I'm going to sort of slam Denimatrix down with the DDT and then transition immediately to the leg and start to churn."
01:10:59 "Kid Flips would then come up the other side, grab the other leg and we would just churn them in opposite directions."
01:11:05 "And then back the other way, and then this way again, and then sometimes a different..."
01:11:10 "As we're doing this, I notice, obviously I'm young, I'm in the prime of my life."
01:11:15 "This is actually a full body workout for me, but then I notice that my dad is... there's something wrong."
01:11:23 "He's... his breathing is laboured and I see a little trickle of pink milk mixed with blood trickling from his..."
01:11:34 "Strawberry milk, lad! It's strawberry!"
01:11:36 "Dad!"
01:11:37 "I could do all sorts of things!"
01:11:38 "Dad, no! Dad, you need to stop!"
01:11:40 "I won't stop until I'm dead."
01:11:43 "Dad, don't say that!"
01:11:45 "I let go of the leg."
01:11:47 "Okay, so we're going to jump back just a couple of beats here."
01:11:51 "So you're noticing the strawberry milk coming out of your dad's leg."
01:11:54 "You, Denimatrix, your body is wracked in unbelievable agony."
01:11:59 "The most painful thing, perhaps, you've felt in an incredibly long time."
01:12:02 "Sweet."
01:12:03 "And this is coming from someone who I assume is from a heavy S&M background."
01:12:06 "Yeah, full pudgy, hell yeah."
01:12:08 "As the pain washes through your muscles and washes through your mind, you find yourself being sent..."
01:12:14 "Not literally sent back through time, you find your mind passing back through time again."
01:12:18 "To, again, years before you were part of the CBW roster."
01:12:22 "Another flashback."
01:12:23 "Another flashback."
01:12:24 "Ahh!"
01:12:25 "Back to CBW tryouts, where your name had been floated around the indie circuit."
01:12:33 "You've got a decent amount of momentum behind you."
01:12:35 "There were people, important people, who seemed to be interested in what they could be doing with you."
01:12:40 "And we wait for you now, standing in a line-up of bland, uninteresting, regular trunks, gimmickless, plain, technical wrestler-looking types."
01:12:52 "Ready to try out in front of CBW's talent scout, cruel, hule, Hollywell."
01:13:00 "So, you see the line gets shorter and shorter and shorter as another bland wrestler comes in and goes and comes in and goes."
01:13:09 "And now it is your turn to try out in front of Hollywell."
01:13:12 "It's this guy sitting behind a very plain desk, with a plain bit of black fabric over it."
01:13:16 "He's very tall, quite lean, his head is completely shaved."
01:13:19 "He has scars and cauliflower ears and bruises and missing teeth."
01:13:25 "He looks like he's been in a fight every minute of every day for his entire life."
01:13:29 "He just sits there behind the desk with a single pencil and a single piece of paper."
01:13:34 "Alright, let's do one more. One more today. Just one more."
01:13:43 "You, you, denim girl, show me what you've got."
01:13:49 "I use my, I stand there for a minute, just briefly taking the fact you called me girl."
01:13:57 "And then I pull out my denim whip with the zips attached at the end and I crack that pencil and that piece of paper out of your hand and take it over to me."
01:14:08 "Roll on look for that."
01:14:11 "Lost my dice."
01:14:13 "Oh my god, no, no, no, I want to re-roll because I'm fucking with shit."
01:14:20 "Do it, do it."
01:14:22 "Oh my god!"
01:14:27 "The whip cracks forward and cruel Huel grabs it in his hand."
01:14:31 "Can I re-roll again because I'm breaking the rules?"
01:14:34 "So it was that first re-roll standing up for what you believe in."
01:14:37 "Yeah, I wrote down fuck with shit, is that the same thing?"
01:14:40 "If you believe in fucking with shit then arguably yes, that's the only way to believe it."
01:14:43 "So yeah, you can re-roll again and do something underhanded."
01:14:46 "Yes. Do I have to change my mood to make it underhanded or am I happy with just whipping things out?"
01:14:50 "Just tell me why it's underhanded."
01:14:53 "Oh, because I'm number one, I'm using a weapon to prove something that doesn't use weapons and I want to make him scared."
01:15:02 "Because he's silly."
01:15:04 "Come on, you've got to get it this time."
01:15:06 "Yeah!"
01:15:08 "Big one."
01:15:10 "Oh my god, otherwise that would be really embarrassing."
01:15:12 He catches the whip in his hand and then as he squeezes it blood starts to leak from his palm and his fingers and he drops it.
01:15:24 He gets up off the chair, starts stalking towards you, rips his smart blazer off.
01:15:32 Starts clenching his fist, grinding his teeth, you see powdered ivory tooth bones start to just dribble from his lips as he goes towards you.
01:15:41 He's moved back into the present day.
01:15:44 Joe, what are you doing?
01:15:46 "I'm seeing what's going on in the ring still, I'm still shaking hands."
01:15:51 "Really having time to chat with a few of the Joker buddies."
01:15:56 "Just see where they've come from, they've driven a long way."
01:15:58 "Someone's here from the Netherlands."
01:16:02 "Crazy."
01:16:04 "Seeing that he's got a wicked plan in his mind, so I'm going to pick up one of either Gerda and/or Pylon and I'm going to attempt to throw them over the top rope."
01:16:15 "Which one are you going for?"
01:16:17 "Gerda, because she's the one that's annoyed me the most."
01:16:19 "The one that's done the most punching, okay."
01:16:21 "Can I see what he's going to do and I actually run over and dip the rope to help this out?"
01:16:26 "Yes."
01:16:28 "As an elimination?"
01:16:30 "I'd say that you can roll on your power for this."
01:16:37 "That will be eight."
01:16:39 "Nice."
01:16:40 "And let's have you roll on your heat with bro."
01:16:43 "So that's plus three."
01:16:46 "That's nine."
01:16:48 "Rantz, you run up, you pull the ring down after minutes and minutes and minutes of beating."
01:16:54 "You are still amazingly in the game, still amazingly chipper."
01:16:57 "You flip Gerda over the top of the rope just before her feet hit the ground."
01:17:04 "Pylon's hand grabs onto her forearm and pulls her slowly back into the ring."
01:17:10 "What are you doing?"
01:17:11 "I'm going to, what is it, under the bottom rope or over the top?"
01:17:15 "Over the top at the moment."
01:17:16 "Just chopping like Judo chop."
01:17:18 "Rodger Moore."
01:17:21 "And I say, 'Judo chop.'"
01:17:24 "Power is fine for that."
01:17:26 "It's eleven."
01:17:28 "Your hand connects, boom, with Pylon's arm."
01:17:32 "She flinches, opens her hand and then drops Gerda onto the mat on the other side."
01:17:38 "It is just you in the ring now with..."
01:17:41 "I can never remember which one is which."
01:17:43 "You're in the ring with Pylon."
01:17:45 "Gerda is now outside, takes a look at you and starts just going for you on the outside of the ropes."
01:17:50 "Yeah, well I'm actually, so I'm going to run away around the ring."
01:17:54 "But as I'm doing it, I'm celebrating for eliminating her."
01:17:59 "Because that was mostly me, right?"
01:18:01 "Yeah, I'd say so, yeah."
01:18:03 "Let's have you..."
01:18:04 "Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe."
01:18:07 "We're going to have you roll on power because you're trying to run away."
01:18:10 "That's zero."
01:18:12 "Oh, that's three."
01:18:14 "So you are running around the outside of the ring, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe."
01:18:19 "And then these two heavy arms just swing around your chest."
01:18:23 "You find yourself being lifted up and then boom!"
01:18:29 "Thrown in a German suplex onto the ground."
01:18:31 "Gerda lets go of you, stands over you and then just starts stamping on your chest."
01:18:39 "I'm seeing this and I'm panicking."
01:18:42 "I'm just going to go over the top rope but not really thinking."
01:18:44 "I'm going to go over the top rope and jump down."
01:18:47 "Rope!"
01:18:49 "You idiot!"
01:18:51 "To try and take Gerda out, she's attacking my bro."
01:18:53 "That's so fucking perfect."
01:18:56 "I mean, you don't need to roll to just climb over the top rope, I guess."
01:19:00 "Oh, bro!"
01:19:02 "Yeah, but I'm going to run and I want to close-line Gerda from out front."
01:19:04 "Great colleague himself."
01:19:06 "Okay, yeah, you are over the rope in a flash."
01:19:09 "You are eliminated in a second flash."
01:19:11 "Oh no!"
01:19:12 "And you are running for gold, Joe. Roll on power."
01:19:14 "Ah, that's four."
01:19:18 "Unfortunately, your injury is still playing up."
01:19:21 "And you just don't seem to get the purchase and power to knock Gerda off, Joe."
01:19:28 "Barely even notices your arm and it's just stamping and stamping and stamping."
01:19:31 "What are you doing, Joe?"
01:19:33 "I'm just so disappointed."
01:19:35 "Because that was part of the plan. You needed to be in there so you could help me win."
01:19:43 "Oh, you idiot."
01:19:45 "I'm just going to roll away and then..."
01:19:49 "He's actually cross!"
01:19:51 "Kind of lethargically roll away out of the way of these stumps and hope that Bro and Gerda start fighting."
01:20:01 "Yeah, you can roll on work to get out of those stumps."
01:20:03 "Work is minus one. So it's six."
01:20:08 "You can't roll fast, I'm afraid, and the stumps just keep on coming."
01:20:12 "I'm going to try and lock her into a sleeper then and just drag her up."
01:20:16 "In all fairness, she should be going to the back anyway. She's been eliminated."
01:20:19 "She's breaking the rules here."
01:20:21 "Roll on power for that."
01:20:23 "That will be nine."
01:20:26 "Yes, you do manage to pull Gerda off Joe and start dragging her back away from the ring."
01:20:32 "Yeah, and they're sort of like, 'You go to the back now.'"
01:20:35 "Roll on Joe's luck."
01:20:38 "Plus two."
01:20:40 "Oh, that'll be thirteen."
01:20:43 "Do you want to say it again as powerfully as possible?"
01:20:46 "Second place is a piece of shit! Now get out of here!"
01:20:49 "Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro!"
01:20:52 "No one touches my brother!"
01:20:54 "It seems like Gerda is going to come for you again, but then as the chants of 'Bro' erupt throughout the audience, she thinks better of it."
01:21:00 "Locks Isody for a solid ten seconds and then skulks away up the ramp and out of the ring."
01:21:06 "I'll see you at the tussle. I'm going to win those tag titles."
01:21:09 "Joe!"
01:21:11 "Hearing all that 'Bro' chants, I'm going to jump up, run into the ring and hit an RK Bro... RK Joe."
01:21:18 "What?!"
01:21:20 "An RK Joe from out of nowhere on pylon to get my heat back."
01:21:24 [Laughter]
01:21:26 "Go for it. Because of that... because of that pun you can add 'look', that's fine. Plus two."
01:21:33 "So that's nine."
01:21:35 "Talks to the RK Joe."
01:21:37 "I see that happening. Everyone's chanting 'Bro' even though I have been stomped on by Gerda for a while."
01:21:43 "It wasn't actually that much of an inconvenience."
01:21:45 "So I get up, I roll in, out of nowhere, because everyone's focused on 'Bro', RK Joe."
01:21:52 "I'm going to kill that right now."
01:21:54 "RK Joe on pylon, which is an RKO. It's an old diamond cutter."
01:21:58 "And yeah, then I celebrate wildly."
01:22:01 [Laughter]
01:22:04 "What does that look like?"
01:22:06 "So I'm straight up to the second rope and I'm just going 'Joe, Joe, Joe' and it's like 'Yes, chance. WrestleMania 3rd.'"
01:22:12 "Both of you roll on Joe's look."
01:22:14 [Rolls dice]
01:22:16 "Ten... twelve."
01:22:17 "Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe."
01:22:21 "Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe."
01:22:22 "Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe."
01:22:23 "Everything is right with the world again. You hit your signature move. The crowd are chanting 'Joe'. We're going to jump back to you three."
01:22:29 "I'm going to have you roll on power right now."
01:22:33 [Laughter]
01:22:35 "I just want my heart to keep pumping."
01:22:37 "Pretty much."
01:22:39 "Oh!"
01:22:41 "I'm dead."
01:22:42 "It's four."
01:22:44 "It's four."
01:22:46 [Laughter]
01:22:48 "So you guys were in the double... the great churn?"
01:22:54 "The final churn."
01:22:55 "The final churn."
01:22:57 "You notice the pain on one of your legs."
01:23:02 "Too soon?"
01:23:04 "No."
01:23:06 "Denimatrix, you notice the pain in one of your legs is diminishing."
01:23:10 "Someone is really going to town on your left leg, but your right leg actually seems to be loosening up."
01:23:14 "And yeah, Kidflips, you notice the tenseness and the tautness going out of the Milkman's muscles."
01:23:21 "You notice the speed of the churn, the balance of the two-man churn starting to get off kilter."
01:23:26 "You see Milkman's eyes start to flutter."
01:23:29 "He starts to go paler than that milk with the red lids, the fully skimmed stuff that's basically just water."
01:23:34 "Not fully!"
01:23:36 "And then everything goes white."
01:23:39 "Dad!"
01:23:40 "I drop the leg immediately and I rush over and cradle my dad."
01:23:47 "I don't care about anything else."
01:23:49 "Dad, dad, no, no, the cowbonga, no, no, come back to me, dad, no!"
01:23:54 "I try and slap him into consciousness, but he's... yeah, he's... how cold?"
01:24:00 "I call for the medics."
01:24:03 "You hear a 'muuuuh' sound from up the ramp and down stomps Fight Nurse."
01:24:09 "This tiny Red Cross pinny and his little nurse hat."
01:24:12 "Or like eight feet of him with these sort of sutures up and down his arms."
01:24:16 "Looking like he's been stitched together from bits of other wrestlers."
01:24:19 "Climbs into the ring, uses the sheer breadth of his body to block Milkman and you from the rest of the wrangle."
01:24:30 "Yes, I'm just kind of holding his hand saying, 'Dad, dad, can you hear me? Can you hear me, dad?'"
01:24:37 "Dad!"
01:24:39 "Dad!"
01:24:40 "No, no!"
01:24:42 "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!"
01:24:44 "I just like, 'He's out, he's out, get him out of here, please, just take him to the back, get him out of the ring!'"
01:24:51 "Muuuuh."
01:24:53 "Fight Nurse lifts you up with two arms, plops you over his shoulder and carries you out the ring."
01:25:02 "And grab the rope?"
01:25:04 "How unconscious am I?"
01:25:06 "Oh my god!"
01:25:08 "I would say he can roll on power, but with disadvantage."
01:25:12 "Ooooh."
01:25:14 "That is six."
01:25:16 "It's already failed."
01:25:18 "That's one, that's two."
01:25:21 "For a brief moment your eyes pop open, you make eye contact with Kid Flips, you know that this is Kid Flips who made this happen."
01:25:30 "And then you pass out again. This Fight Nurse carries you off."
01:25:34 "I've just stood right up against the ropes with my back to the ring and all my focus is on my dad, obviously."
01:25:43 "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."
01:25:51 "Eeeeeeh."
01:25:53 "Hold and get thee hither, brigands!"
01:26:00 "King John, the rightful king of wrestling, is here once again at the Regal Wrangle where he belongs."
01:26:11 "Being carried out on one of those king things, I can never remember the name of, throne?"
01:26:16 "Throne."
01:26:17 "Being carried out on the throne by four vassals is this maybe five foot ten, kind of barrel shaped guy with long dark locks and a neat black beard."
01:26:27 "A crown on his head, a robe around his shoulders and shiny red and ermine coloured trousers on his legs."
01:26:33 "This is King John, the rightful king of wrestling, who has wrestled at the Wrangle every year since time immemorial."
01:26:40 "To claim his crown, his vassals set him down."
01:26:43 "He stands up straight, climbs up the steps, climbs straight to the top of the turnbuckle and immediately goes for a triple moonsault into Golden Joe."
01:26:56 "Triple moonsault? That's literally my finishing move!"
01:26:59 "In which case, no, we'll reckon that because I don't want to take that from you."
01:27:03 "We'll have it be a frog splash known as the king's landing."
01:27:07 "Ahhhh."
01:27:09 "By the way, you forgot throne but remember vassals."
01:27:12 "Vassals."
01:27:14 "I did forget throne and I did remember vassals."
01:27:17 "Erm, okay, well I'm standing up. So he's going to try and do a frog splash on me, like a high fly flow, Tanahashi style, okay."
01:27:26 "I am going to try and counter a carda style then, midair, with a Joe kick, which is a drop kick."
01:27:33 "Go for it, roll on er..."
01:27:35 "Yeah, roll on work for that."
01:27:37 "Roll on work, that's minus one."
01:27:39 "Nice!"
01:27:42 "Boom, break in!"
01:27:44 "As the broker connects with his barrel-y stomach."
01:27:48 "I'm still on the outside going, 'Joe, leading the Joe chance around the ring.'"
01:27:51 "Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe."
01:27:54 "I see Kid Flips and he looks really sad. I go over and offer some advice, like just some comfort to him."
01:28:01 "I'm like, 'It's okay, he was eliminated, right, when they carried him out over the top rope.'"
01:28:06 "He's not in the match anymore."
01:28:07 "Okay, cool, so Pylon, do you want to help me? We're still in the match."
01:28:12 "I just want to make sure he gets to the back, okay?"
01:28:14 "But that's eliminate Pylon right now."
01:28:16 "He's not at the back yet, they're still taking him up the ramp, I hope he's okay."
01:28:19 "Come on, can I try and eliminate Pylon with Kid Flips' help?"
01:28:24 "It's up to Kid Flips, but yes, what are you doing?"
01:28:26 "I'm just going to pick, she's out from the RK Joe, so I'm just going to try and throw her out and scramble over the top rope with her."
01:28:35 "And I'm going to try and pull the rope down to her."
01:28:37 "Yeah, yeah, I've got a bro helping on the outside, Kid Flips' help."
01:28:40 "I'm in a daze, I'm moving independent of any thought, so I'm just robotically moving now."
01:28:47 "No flips, no nothing, I'm just moving."
01:28:49 "Yeah, what are we doing?"
01:28:51 "Getting rid of Pylon, come on, head in the game."
01:28:55 "Right, what am I rolling?"
01:28:57 "So we'll roll on your... do you have any heat with Kid Flips?"
01:29:05 "No, I don't."
01:29:07 "Do you have any heat with Golden Joe?"
01:29:09 "No, we'll just say it's going to be a straight work roll then for both of you."
01:29:12 "That's a critical success."
01:29:17 "It's a natural 12."
01:29:21 "Amazing, talk us through how you, still in this kind of zombie-like state, somehow, not only amazingly eliminate Pylon, but also definitely steal a Thunder from Joe."
01:29:35 "So, like, I'm transported somewhere else. I'm transported to, it's a rainy day, and I see, I've been grounded, I've been naughty, I've been grinding on the banisters, my mum hates that."
01:29:51 "And I see, out the window, the milk float arrive at the front door, and I see Tony the milkman get out of the milk float and he's carrying a parcel."
01:30:07 "And I see my mum go out and take the parcel from him, and then he drives away without coming in."
01:30:17 "And I say, 'Mum, who is that?' and she says, 'Oh, don't you worry about that, weeks later it's my birthday.'
01:30:26 "And I go down to the kitchen and see a parcel on the kitchen table, it's the same parcel, and it says, 'From someone who's very, very proud of you.'
01:30:41 "And I open it up, and inside, it's a tie-dye t-shirt, and it's way too big for me, and inside there's a little note saying, 'You'll grow into it.'
01:30:53 "And on the back of it, it's an invitation to come and try out for CBW."
01:31:01 "And I remember that, and that sort of snaps me into kid flips mode, I scream at the top of my voice, 'Let's bone out!'"
01:31:15 "Which means, 'Let's go!' apparently, according to the 90s. I run up Jo's chest, grab Pylon around the head, and I flip over, slam down, and hurl her over the top rope, out onto the floor."
01:31:32 "And I land on the ropes, with my feet on the second ropes, looking out over the crowd, and I see my mum, and she nods at me, and I nod at her."
01:31:49 "So, great moment, and you just eliminated Pylon, my idea. So I'm just going to grab the mic and remind everyone that we are facing them at Colossal Tussle."
01:32:01 "We're the number one contenders, the precious medals, Gold and Jo, Silverbro, going to be there at Colossal Tussle."
01:32:07 "Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo."
01:32:09 "So, as they're chanting 'Jo, Jo, Jo,' we move back again, years and years and years into the past, where the two of you were still young boys, backyard wrestling."
01:32:17 "I'm talking through that backyard wrestling match."
01:32:19 "So we basically got, like, it's just a trampoline, you know, with the netting around it and everything, which we always pretend is a cage."
01:32:25 "So, every match, it's like TNA lockdown, every match is a cage match."
01:32:29 "And we're just sort of practicing body slams onto each other, but I just keep wanting to do the shoulder tackles, and I'm like, that's what I want to perfect."
01:32:38 "How do you know so many moves, Silverbro? You're so good at this."
01:32:42 "Because, you know, you've got to watch the tapes, man. Like, the tapes that we get sent that are bought off the internet from Maeve Deltzer."
01:32:49 "You know, you'll order it through the magazines. We'll watch them together, it'll be brilliant."
01:32:53 "Oh, I hope so. I'll never be as good as you, though."
01:32:55 "Oh, no. Come on, man. You're younger than me. You've got all the charisma, you've got the looks, you're going to be the future of any company."
01:33:04 "I love you, bro."
01:33:05 "I love you, bro. Slam."
01:33:08 "Way!"
01:33:09 "Way!"
01:33:11 "And we just move back from this idyllic scene of the two of you wrestling, and standing just out of eyeshot, leaning against a fence, is a tall, broad-shouldered man with a square head and a square jaw, watching this unfold."
01:33:24 "And we are back, boom, into the present day."
01:33:28 "Eclipse. Denimatrix. What are you doing?"
01:33:31 "Oh, yeah, no, I'm a..."
01:33:34 "It's you two, the brothers, and King John, still left in the ring."
01:33:38 "I've still got my eyes locked."
01:33:39 "Of course you're out."
01:33:40 "I've still got my eyes locked on my mum."
01:33:42 "Still got his eyes locked, so I'm going to take this opportunity, while they are very distracted, I'm going to put my hands on the rope, I'm going to pull my weight back, and I'm going to use the momentum to swing my legs around, kicking around the back of their head, hoping that he'll just go head first out of the ring."
01:33:55 "That's a real role."
01:33:56 "That sounds like more flips. Just the heat, the palpable heat."
01:34:02 "Oh, that's 13!"
01:34:05 "So, Kid Flips, you are looking your mum in the eye, a smorgasbord of emotions flowing through your body, and then, crack, something hard and comfortable hits you in the back of the head, and before you even know what's happening, you are hand over arse, flipped over the top rope, and boom, land on the outside."
01:34:23 "Fair enough, as soon as I hit the ground, it's like the world comes back to me, I run straight up the ramp to the back."
01:34:31 "I do it because I know that he wanted to see his dad."
01:34:36 "Yeah, sure. Revisionist history is written."
01:34:42 "She'll want everyone to know that she's not, yeah, she's an asshole."
01:34:45 "It is just Joe, King John, and Golden Joe. King John is going once again for Golden Joe, he's making his way up to the top of the top rope again, and he's going in for the same King's Landing move."
01:34:57 "I'm going to start shouting at him to try and distract him."
01:34:59 "While he's at the top there, can I just run at him and try and push him off?"
01:35:02 "Yes."
01:35:03 "Come on."
01:35:04 "That's going to be, ooh."
01:35:05 "She's on one."
01:35:06 "She's like shoving people around."
01:35:08 "Absolutely wrong."
01:35:09 "Get away from me!"
01:35:10 "I think this is..."
01:35:12 "Because he's up there, he's so balanced, you just go, go!"
01:35:14 "Never get to the top rope."
01:35:15 "I like the fact that you've moved on from the two-stage, I'm choking him out, and then I'm putting him out, so I'm just putting him out, and he's going, he's going."
01:35:22 "I'm an opportunist, that's exactly what I am."
01:35:24 "So this is, we'll say this is a look, this is an even roll."
01:35:29 "It's very calm."
01:35:31 "That's eight!"
01:35:32 "That's eight!"
01:35:33 "He gets to the top rope, he flings his arms out in the air, he's ready for a second attempt at the King's Landing, and then, whoop!"
01:35:39 [Laughter]
01:35:42 "Boom!"
01:35:43 "Lands on the ground outside and is eliminated."
01:35:45 "Final two, final two, final two, final two!"
01:35:50 "Golden Joe, Golden Joe!"
01:35:52 "As the whole audience chants 'final two, final two', your mind is cast back one more time to your time in development for CBW."
01:36:01 "Ah, okay, cool."
01:36:03 "Not a very popular person in CBW development because of your..."
01:36:06 "No, apparently I'm a dick."
01:36:08 "Because of your gimmick, you are alone in the centre of a ring, practising moves by yourself, working on your cardio by yourself."
01:36:17 "It's near the end of the day, it's nothing but moonlight streaming in through the windows, and then you hear 'clang, clang, clang' as the doors leading to this gym and this ring close."
01:36:29 "And these figures emerge from the shadows around the ring, all members of CBW development, shaking their head at you."
01:36:38 "One of them is a tall, broad-shouldered, utterly bland-looking woman."
01:36:44 "The rest, with her arms folded and the weight of the developmental rust behind her, looks you in the eye and says 'this is no place for you' as the whole group advances upon you."
01:36:55 "And we are back in the present day again."
01:36:57 "People chanting 'final two, final two, final two'."
01:37:02 "I'm in the corner, getting some pep talk from Silver Bro."
01:37:06 "Yeah, get her!"
01:37:08 "I can do this, it's my time."
01:37:10 "Are you facing the corner?"
01:37:12 "Er, well, I'm kind of in the corner, you know like in a boxing match where you're getting Silver Bro's sort of mopping you down."
01:37:19 "Oh, okay, cool."
01:37:20 "Like my corner person."
01:37:21 "While you're doing that, can I just strike you across the chest?"
01:37:23 "Yes!"
01:37:26 "Um, that's a dick move, that's real."
01:37:29 "Well, he..."
01:37:30 "That is seven."
01:37:32 "Seven!"
01:37:33 "Chop! Straight across the chest."
01:37:35 "Sorry, dude! Oh, Joe!"
01:37:37 "I'm gonna look back at you, like what the hell was that?"
01:37:41 "Because you just snapped me out of a genuine, lovely affectionate moment."
01:37:45 "Something purer and more simple."
01:37:47 "So I just get you in a rest hold."
01:37:49 "And in this headlock, I'm like, you don't look like a champion."
01:37:53 "Ohhh!"
01:37:55 "While he's doing that, can I like..."
01:37:57 "I'm gonna have you roll on..."
01:37:58 "You're not golden!"
01:37:59 "We're gonna have you roll on, er..."
01:38:01 "We're gonna have you roll on work for that, I think."
01:38:05 "Five."
01:38:07 "So yeah, this arm is like around your throat, around your neck."
01:38:11 "But not quite strong enough."
01:38:13 "I'm gonna use the zippers on the side of my head to like, grate my way out."
01:38:19 "Shredding the skin as I go, remembering the stilettos are still there."
01:38:23 "So I'm just gonna go for a jab to the ribs."
01:38:25 "No intending on piercing the skin, just giving a bit of a jab."
01:38:27 "That's not wrestling!"
01:38:29 "Ow!"
01:38:32 "That's real, roll on real."
01:38:34 "Oh, yeah, that's nine."
01:38:38 "Yeah, you get shredded by these denim horns."
01:38:43 "The hell?"
01:38:45 "Alright, I'm not going for a headlock this time, I'm going back in and trying to get the full golden."
01:38:51 "What is the full golden?"
01:38:53 "It's when he killed his brother."
01:38:57 "Saved his brother."
01:38:59 "I'm sorry, saved his brother."
01:39:01 "Come on, man."
01:39:03 "Yeah, roll a look for this one, it is the full golden after all."
01:39:06 "Plus two."
01:39:08 "Oh my god!"
01:39:10 "That's a cocked dice, but you keep the three."
01:39:12 "You keep the three, sorry, roll one more."
01:39:14 "Oh my god, your face!"
01:39:16 "Four!"
01:39:18 "No, no, it's what six would look like."
01:39:20 "So you go in for the full golden, you try to get Purchase."
01:39:25 "I slip away and go for a... I'll go for a full nice one, why not?"
01:39:31 "Full golden, is it?"
01:39:33 "Full golden."
01:39:35 "That's an anti-hero."
01:39:37 "Not when you do it."
01:39:39 "The full denim."
01:39:41 "The double denim!"
01:39:43 "Yeah, go in for the double denim, that is going to be..."
01:39:47 "That's really bad."
01:39:49 "Yes!"
01:39:51 "You lock the double denim in and just put the pressure on."
01:39:54 "Yeah, talk us through this hold."
01:39:56 "I'm using my incredible denim total domination strength to get them in."
01:40:03 "And I'm using the pressure to really enjoy it."
01:40:06 "There's a massive smile on my face because he represents everything I hate about this company."
01:40:09 "He is everyone who ever picked on me when I was in development."
01:40:13 "Everyone who said I couldn't do it."
01:40:15 "Everything that I'm supposed to be and everything I hate."
01:40:18 "At that point I'm going to go for my favourite thing."
01:40:20 "I'm just going to try and place his neck over the ropes and suffocate them."
01:40:24 "Joke him out!"
01:40:26 "Joke him out!"
01:40:28 "Joke him out!"
01:40:30 "Can you re-roll?"
01:40:34 "Hang on, no, is it..."
01:40:36 "Oh, is it real? That's seven."
01:40:38 "You force Joe's throat against the ropes."
01:40:41 "You hear him wheeze and cough and splutter."
01:40:44 "I just keep calling him 'little golden boy'."
01:40:48 "And it's really patronising and really, really fun."
01:40:51 "And then as he starts to weaken and get really choky and phlegmy."
01:40:56 "I'm just, oh do you know what?"
01:40:59 "I'm just going to go really, really simple release and then just try and toss him over."
01:41:02 "Oh my god!"
01:41:03 "Can I try and stop him falling over?"
01:41:06 "Have you used your re-roll yet?"
01:41:08 "I have not used my re-roll."
01:41:09 "You can impose disadvantage on Den of Matrix's roll."
01:41:14 "Okay."
01:41:15 "Right, well, yeah."
01:41:17 "So that's roll twice."
01:41:19 "I don't know what stat this is going to be, but..."
01:41:21 "Ah, it's already failed, that's a three."
01:41:23 "You go to lift and flip Golden Joe over the top of the ropes."
01:41:26 "But boom, he's caught by Silver Bro on the other side."
01:41:29 "And I just place him back down and I just palm him back into the room."
01:41:33 "You've got this bro, you've got this!"
01:41:35 "Joe."
01:41:36 "I roll in and I look up at you and I'm just pissed off."
01:41:40 "Because not only do you not look like the sort of person who should be in this position."
01:41:45 "And you should have been fired a couple of weeks ago."
01:41:48 "It's now you're using my move against me, not cool."
01:41:51 "So I look back up at you and I start getting my heat back."
01:41:56 "I'm going to go for the Golden Shower."
01:41:59 "One."
01:42:01 "It's ten punches, remember?"
01:42:02 "Yeah, and the ten punches."
01:42:03 "Some raining down punches."
01:42:04 "Yes, we remember."
01:42:07 "We remember the Golden Shower."
01:42:09 "No one forgets the Golden Shower."
01:42:11 "Do I roll?"
01:42:12 "Roll on power for the Golden Shower."
01:42:15 "Ooh, nice run."
01:42:16 "Seven."
01:42:17 "What's your power?"
01:42:18 "Zero, I think, so that works."
01:42:20 "Seven."
01:42:21 "Yes, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."
01:42:27 "And on the tenth one I run the ropes a few times to Joe, Joe, Joe, another left jab."
01:42:33 "Can I catch him out with a clothesline?"
01:42:35 "On that success, that left jab is going to connect with the tenth punch."
01:42:39 "It's going to, whash, straighten your face."
01:42:42 "But you can respond."
01:42:44 "Definitely."
01:42:46 "This is when I pop out."
01:42:48 "No, okay, so left jab, I adjust my jaw, I feel the strength and maybe just like, realise that I've actually still got it."
01:42:54 "I remember that I am, it's mildly insane apparently in this ring."
01:42:58 "I'm just going to, do you know what's going to really annoy you?"
01:43:02 "Is if I just do the Golden Shower."
01:43:08 "You are going to have to roll on power for this though."
01:43:11 "But hang on, but what about a heat with Golden Joe?"
01:43:14 "Because I'm doing it specifically at him."
01:43:16 "Ooooh, that's good."
01:43:18 "I'm very specific."
01:43:20 "It's a good argument."
01:43:22 "Plus two."
01:43:24 "Yes!"
01:43:26 "Yes!"
01:43:28 "That's a critical success."
01:43:30 "This has got to be it."
01:43:32 "So one, two, three, four, five."
01:43:36 "Denwin, Denwin, Denwin, Denwin."
01:43:40 "Your mind casts back one more time to that time on the Indy circuit."
01:43:44 "The first time someone gave you a chance and you won some kind of belt."
01:43:48 "It jumps forward to cruel Jule Hollywell, storming his way towards you, tearing off his jacket and shirt and thrusting out his hand to shake your hand and give you a chance at the tryout."
01:43:58 "And jumps forward one more time to you standing alone in the centre of the ring in the gym."
01:44:03 "A dozen unconscious, battered, broken and beaten development wrestlers on the floor, defeated at your mighty denim hand."
01:44:11 "And now on that tenth punch as it swings through the air and connects with Joe's face, it knocks him so hard he flies back two feet out of his golden boots and whoosh, over the top rope."
01:44:26 "Boom!"
01:44:28 "Yessss!"
01:44:30 "Denwin, Denwin, Denwin, Denwin, Denwin, Denwin, Denwin."
01:44:38 "Still got two chances bro, it's ok."
01:44:41 "You didn't eliminate yourself."
01:44:43 "Your winner of this year's Regal Wrangle, the Denny Matron!"
01:44:52 "Denwin, Denwin, Denwin."
01:44:59 "The bell explodes in euphoria as you stand there panting, arms in the air, celebrating your triumph."
01:45:07 "I'm so worried you're going to come for me in real life."
01:45:11 "Can I have some heat?"
01:45:14 "Oh yes, so the last thing you're going to see is you're celebrating the ring, I just want one more moment between the two of you outside the ring as you go up to the eliminated body, golden Joe."
01:45:26 "Oh Joe, man we were so close to winning the match."
01:45:30 "I was so close."
01:45:31 "Yeah, exactly, right, you were, you were so close to winning that, but do you know what dude, we've got the tag title match at Colossal Tussle, we're going to win those tag straps."
01:45:39 "It's just a matter of time man, it's just a matter of time before you're standing in that position and you're going to be going on to win the singles championship, yeah?"
01:45:47 "We've got to get the tag chaps, get the tag straps."
01:45:50 "I came second."
01:45:52 "That's silver."
01:45:54 "It's not golden."
01:45:56 "And we'll see you all next week for another episode of City British Wrestling, thank you very much."
01:46:02 Thanks Tom, that's it for this week's episode of No Rolls Barred, really hope you enjoyed it.
01:46:09 Check out the next episode this time next week here on PartsFunKnown.
01:46:13 In the meantime, if you would like to get even more involved in the CBW Universe, check out No Rolls Barred's Patreon.
01:46:20 The link is in the description below and there are all sorts of fantastic ways you can get more from the series.
01:46:25 There are behind the scenes footage, there's production podcasts, booking podcasts with myself and Tom, live streams with me,
01:46:32 and you can even create your very own CBW wrestler to be put in the show.
01:46:37 And if you can't wait until next Sunday, there's even 48 hour early access.
01:46:42 So what are you waiting for? Head to our Patreon and check out the rest of the amazing content here on PartsFunKnown.

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