Friendship is Witchcraft - Episode 8 - Foaly Matripony
Transcript
00:00 [music]
00:07 Oh, I'm so glad we released that panther for Spike to play with.
00:12 [panther roar]
00:14 [music]
00:18 Twilight, help! I distracted the panther, so he should be safe for now.
00:24 [music]
00:28 Dear Twilight, I reluctantly write to you about your official duties as Princess of the Night.
00:33 As Princess, you must be present for an upcoming wedding, and I have also arranged to keep your annoying friends busy.
00:39 Fluttershy, I would like you to draw a maze in one minute that takes two minutes to solve.
00:44 I can do that. I'll make it a circle.
00:47 Pinkie Pie, your dialogue will be cut for time.
00:50 It's all a matter of--
00:51 Applejack, you will be writing all vows and speeches.
00:54 Well, ho down, Applebarbecue!
00:56 Rainbow Dash, just sit perfectly still and try not to break anything.
01:00 Yes!
01:01 Rarity, you will be responsible for literally everything else in the ceremony.
01:06 And as for you, Twilight, though tradition demands you be present, I expect to see as little of you as possible.
01:12 With dread but cautious optimism, Princess Celestia.
01:15 [music]
01:17 But this is just paper. I wanted a present.
01:20 Oh, maybe she put some stickers or a gift card in here.
01:24 [music]
01:26 P.S. You will be attending the wedding of Princess Cadance, Not Evil Goodpony, and--
01:30 [gasp]
01:31 My brother!
01:33 [music]
01:39 Your brother's Francis Sparkle? I didn't know you were related to the lead singer of pop band BBBFF.
01:45 [music]
01:49 Ugh, you know I don't like to brag. Francis said when he left with his band that he would come back for me.
01:54 That's the only reason I allowed him to leave.
01:57 Yeah, Twilight, it's majorly uncool that you didn't find out about this sooner.
02:01 You're so smart and pretty and a way better match for Francis.
02:04 You're so beautiful, Twilight. I wish we could be together.
02:08 Sandwich, I told you I don't have feelings for you.
02:11 I'm holding out for Mr. Right, and that's my brother!
02:15 Um, Twilight? You're even scaring me.
02:18 I'm sorry. It's just that I always thought I was the one for my brother. I'm in love with him.
02:24 [birds chirping]
02:26 We're not biologically related.
02:28 Oh! Huh?
02:31 He and I were raised side by side, but he was actually adopted, so technically it's okay that I'm also attracted to him.
02:38 [music]
02:43 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
02:48 The secrets that we shared, the moments that you cared.
02:52 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
02:56 We went streaking in the park, skinny dipping after dark.
03:01 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
03:05 Depressing melodies, suppressing fantasies.
03:10 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
03:19 [music]
03:21 I always wanted my own brother, and then he showed up at our door.
03:27 I didn't question where he came from. I wasn't lonely anymore.
03:33 Soon we did everything together. He taught me how to fly a kite.
03:39 I watched him grow into a stallion. I watched him sleep in bed at night.
03:44 It's not creepy.
03:48 But then he signed that record label. A cute quintet of boyish sounds.
03:54 But now that everybody loves him, I'm just a face out in the crowd.
04:00 I threw myself into my studies to have the world in my control.
04:06 I vaporized the competition. Nobody understands me.
04:11 It's not evil.
04:14 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
04:17 Romantic pony dreams, they never came to be.
04:20 I gave you my heart and then you turned around.
04:23 Twilight, please make this song end. We're a bunch of floating heads.
04:26 Just take it from me, I know you'll come around.
04:31 The law forbids it. This is kismet. Say "I do" and seal our souls together.
04:37 Voo-lay-voo, our love will last forever. Since we're not related, it'll be okay.
04:47 So different now from what it seemed.
04:53 Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
05:01 That was the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
05:07 While Twilight was singing that song, I thought of a new word.
05:12 It's called "blarf". I don't know what it means yet, but I know it's gonna be big.
05:17 Hey, look who's finally invited. Victor E for Spike the Dragon.
05:23 I wonder if I'll be a prominent part of this episode.
05:26 Are you gonna be a sourpuss, Sourpatch?
05:32 I'm just thinking about BBBFF.
05:35 Ben, Ben, Ben, Francis and Francis are planning their 2013 Desperation Tour,
05:40 so I'll probably see my brother even less than before.
05:43 Come on now, you're his sister. You can always be a groupie.
05:48 Or I could be his legally-binded groupie for life.
05:51 This force field prevents all dragons from entering Canterlot.
05:58 Whoa, what's with all the multiracial guards?
06:07 It's important to demonstrate to kids that both blacks and whites can be subservient to our white demigod.
06:13 I hope we don't have to wait in a line.
06:15 You do, but I have a fast pass. I'm the princess of the night.
06:20 You've got me stomping mad, Francis.
06:29 Twilight! I haven't seen you since the Brohoof Bash. How's my favorite sibling?
06:34 How dare you expect a brohoof when you're getting married without my permission!
06:38 Sorry, Twily. Things have been totally gnarly around here.
06:42 And I mean the bad kind of gnarly, where things are gnarled.
06:45 Yeah, but I don't care about your problems. There's no excuse.
06:49 Sorry I wicked bailed on you, Twi-Twi. I've been too busy shredding waves and eating corn dogs.
06:54 I haven't even had time to read all those pink, flowery-scented letters you keep sending me.
06:59 I hope the guards didn't give you any trouble.
07:01 Since this wedding is so important, the military is enforcing a strict friend zone.
07:06 I know we've gotten distant lately.
07:10 It seems like the only times I see you anymore are through ghostly images of your disembodied head.
07:15 How could you think it's okay to go off and start your own family?
07:18 Don't you know that you're supposed to be my family?
07:21 Hey, you're my little sister. That's why I want you to be a big part of my wedding.
07:26 Because I love you the way all brothers love their little sisters.
07:29 You want me to be a big part of your wedding?
07:32 Well, yeah.
07:34 I accept!
07:35 But when we get rid of this other mare, we'll have to make it look like an accident.
07:40 Who even is this Cadence not-evil-goodpony?
07:43 Cadence is a world peace advocate, an organ donor, a wildlife conservationist, a children's book author, and the freely elected leader of her own country.
07:52 Francis, I told you I don't like to brag.
07:55 Hi there! I will destroy you and steal your fiancé!
07:59 Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere!
08:01 Cadence, it's me, Twilight!
08:08 Uh-huh.
08:10 I'm so glad we're all together now.
08:16 My little unicorn sister, who I love in a completely platonic way.
08:21 And my beautiful alicorn bride, who I love with burning romantic passion.
08:26 Now, you two get bonding. I insist.
08:29 Don't worry, Spike. We'll adopt you.
08:36 Hiya, princess!
08:38 Please, you can just call me Cadence.
08:41 Hiya, princess, princess, princess, princess!
08:44 I whipped up some special treats just for you.
08:46 Oh, good!
08:47 I thought I told you I'm allergic to apples.
08:55 Sure did! I ignore things that challenge me.
08:58 Enjoy all those apple tarts. I know how you love apples.
09:04 Apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple, apple!
09:08 And when she looks at me, it's like she thinks I'm not special.
09:13 Oh, I'll be so much happier when she's gone for good!
09:16 Wait, what? Is she talking about me?
09:18 Your Highness! Let me start by saying that you and Francis Sparkle will have many, many beautiful babies.
09:25 Okay, is my dress ready?
09:28 Oh, right, the dress. It's made entirely of spider silk and stronger than Kevlar, but thinner than filament.
09:37 Well, it doesn't really look like a wedding dress.
09:41 I think it's lovely.
09:43 Me too! We're like pearls!
09:45 Just fix the dress, okay?
09:47 Gee, maybe her name should be Princess Stupid.
09:52 Swish!
09:54 Oh, hi, sister. I've been looking everywhere for you.
09:57 This is actually a bad time.
09:59 Oh, okay.
10:01 Bet I can guess what you're all thinking.
10:03 Cadence is an evil shapeshifter queen who's trying to feast on my brother's love.
10:07 Huh?
10:08 We're so proud!
10:10 Spike, dreams are for winners!
10:12 Cadence seems perfectly normal. I'm sure you're just projecting your flaws.
10:21 (slurping)
10:24 Rarity, she rejected your dress!
10:27 Well, of course she did! And she was very gracious about my blatant insanity.
10:32 Applejack, did you see the way she kicked that baby in the face?
10:36 Well, I don't remember that, but I'll take your word for it.
10:39 And I saw her painting blood runes in the castle courtyard.
10:43 I thought it was awfully sweet of her to help me with that.
10:46 Rainbowdash, you must have noticed her devil horns and bad breath.
10:49 Whoa, what are these weird thingies on my back?
10:53 Good news, Twilight. Cadence is going to become our seventh official cast member.
11:00 Don't you get it? You're all just pawns in one of her sick mind games.
11:04 She'll destroy you all to fulfill her own selfish desires.
11:07 Sugarcube, you're talking crazier than a rattlesnake in a Spelunbee.
11:11 Mm-hmm.
11:12 I'm the princess of the night, and I always get what I want!
11:16 [music]
11:22 Twily!
11:29 Look, Twily, it's Shiny, your favorite!
11:32 Huh? Twily's sad.
11:35 We need to talk. I secretly have feelings for--
11:37 Hello?
11:38 Oh, uh, hi, corndog!
11:40 Look who crawled out of her coffin.
11:43 Could I speak to you for a moment, dear?
11:46 I'm gonna get laid.
11:49 Twilight and her friends are all really weird.
11:54 What are you talking about? They're radical!
11:57 No, her friends are all one-dimensional caricatures, and it's starting to rub off on you.
12:02 That's not true.
12:03 You're wearing an outfit made of corndogs.
12:06 You know how much I love corndogs!
12:08 What? Ever since Twilight got here, you've been acting like some poorly written gag character.
12:14 What's going on now? Are you hurt? Did she do this?
12:18 Cadence is evil!
12:20 [screaming]
12:22 Twily?
12:24 Oh, Twilight, do you wanna hang out?
12:30 Oh, okay, maybe later.
12:33 Everyone pay attention to me! I think Cadence is--
12:35 [all talking at once]
12:38 Uh, what are you--
12:40 Oh, I've got one. What about "Nay, yes to distress"?
12:44 Hey, Twilight, we're thinking of different puns for the episode title.
12:48 You're thinking of puns? Without me? But girls!
12:52 For example, "Oh, brother, wear art vows."
12:55 What about "We're strong marriage"?
12:57 Or "Put out to pastor."
12:59 Or "Significance, brother."
13:01 Maybe we can just kinda divide it into parts and use them all.
13:04 Dash, what you smoking, girl?
13:06 Too hip and too punk.
13:09 I would've said "Fully matripony."
13:13 Oh, Staircase, you're my only friend.
13:17 Yes, I love my brother, Francis Sparkle.
13:28 Sockabopper! Sockabopper!
13:32 You can sock all day and bop all night!
13:35 Sockabopper! Sockabopper!
13:38 More fun than a pillow fight!
13:41 Blow 'em up, put your hand inside,
13:43 get ready to have the time of your life!
13:46 Sockabopper! Sockabopper!
13:49 Sockabopper! More fun than a pillow fight!
13:51 By Big Time Toys.
13:53 Sockabopper!
14:01 Welcome, citizens of Equestria,
14:04 to the humble wedding of Princess Cadance and Francis Sparkle.
14:08 Rather than having an extravagant wedding,
14:10 Cadance has donated the wedding budget to cancer research.
14:14 And now, Francis will complete the ceremony
14:17 by doing a triple kickflip off of this skateboard.
14:22 Hey, where did my skateboard go?
14:25 Huh?
14:26 Blah, blah!
14:27 I stole your skateboard and I'm gonna ruin your wedding!
14:30 You won't be grinding anything tonight!
14:33 Don't worry, I've still got my razor scooter.
14:36 Maybe we should just ignore her.
14:38 Stop ignoring me!
14:40 Drama!
14:42 She's evil!
14:44 Just because she's a princess, Cadance thinks she can have whatever I want!
14:48 But I know she's mean and wicked,
14:51 and if I were crazy, could I do this?
14:54 (moaning)
14:58 Why are you doing this to me?
15:05 Because I hate you!
15:07 Get out!
15:08 The only one worthy of my brother's love is me!
15:11 I hereby decree that Francis Sparkle and Twilight Sparkle are officially married.
15:23 They aren't really biologically related, so this isn't weird at all.
15:27 (screaming)
15:30 What do you know?
15:31 I threw a tantrum and everything turned out exactly the way I wanted it to.
15:35 That's how we know I'm the good guy.
15:37 I sure am happy to be marrying you, Twily.
15:39 But what happened to that other purple princess?
15:42 Oh, don't worry. I took care of her.
15:45 No, please don't hurt me!
15:47 You stay here.
15:49 Yes, of course, I'll do anything you ask. Just leave me alone! I'll do anything!
15:54 (singing)
16:14 Gee, this has been one crazy week and yet I feel nothing!
16:19 And you never will again.
16:21 Cowabunga!
16:24 Now this was a blarf wedding.
16:29 I can't believe Twilight's married.
16:31 This is really going to change the status quo.
16:34 (laughing)
16:37 (music)
17:02 (music)
17:31 (music)