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00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 6.
00:03 Finally, we see Chloe.
00:05 As it's announced that anyone who's late for the school assembly gets detention.
00:10 Schools were stricter back then.
00:12 I got told elementary schools don't get detention anymore.
00:16 And this is middle school.
00:18 I left a school assembly at one point, and I didn't get detention or anything.
00:23 I'm disappointed that Chloe has the same voice actress who voices the girl from Rugrats and Dulcie.
00:29 Because it doesn't seem fair to her that just because of her design, she doesn't get a normal girl's average everyday voice like I expected.
00:37 And instead I think she sounds stereotypical.
00:40 While Harvey and Sabrina have normal people voices.
00:45 Sabrina's shown student photos at an assembly too boring for what the woman said to really sink in for me on the first watch.
00:53 She's talking about the student of the year nomination idea.
00:58 So why did she have to have an entire assembly about this?
01:01 Couldn't she just make an announcement?
01:03 After all, that's one sentence.
01:06 Sabrina just has to be written to shout "no" for no apparent reason to embarrass herself.
01:12 Then she has a blatant line.
01:14 She eventually explains to Chloe that it's a tradition in her family for the women on her mom's side to be student of the year.
01:22 It's so polite of Harvey to not make fun of or lampshade her obvious verbal slip up about mortal side of the family.
01:30 She was upset because she thinks every student is expecting her to be student of the year.
01:36 The story wastes time with Sabrina imagining that her family's wearing paper bags on their heads.
01:42 Talking as if they're ashamed of her for not being student of the year.
01:46 When they'd be more subtle than that.
01:48 I lose interest as soon as Jem starts talking.
01:52 Sabrina's worried that she won't get the student of the year victory party because Jem's using her money to try to win.
01:59 And another imagined spot to waste her time.
02:02 These are always padding.
02:04 Quigley hands his family an omelet with liver.
02:08 So Hilda and Sabrina don't appreciate it.
02:11 And Hilda gets worried when Sabrina's sad enough that she eats it.
02:16 Sabrina talks about the student of the year award.
02:19 Sabrina's family don't help at all by clearly acting like they assume she'll win.
02:23 How are they such bad parents?
02:27 Even Salem was more sensitive than them.
02:31 He knew what she was worried about.
02:33 Which Quigley should have expected because she said "What if?"
02:37 He says he's not an insensitive clod like them.
02:41 Salem tempts her to use magic to win and I'm glad she refuses.
02:45 Quigley congratulates her for refusing to.
02:49 Sabrina assumes she'll lose because she's getting a zit.
02:52 I have to assume the reason she doesn't zap it away is she just said magic is cheating.
02:59 I don't know why she wouldn't win student of the year just because of one zit.
03:03 Realistically speaking, zits would be normal.
03:06 Somehow, Hilda assumes an evil witch they knew is responsible for a zit.
03:12 Even though they didn't see her.
03:14 And what took her so long to do this then?
03:17 Even Zelda assumes this.
03:19 It's not like witches never get zits or half witches never get zits, right?
03:24 The witch has a stupid name.
03:26 Quigley makes me hate him, insisting this house is a magic-free zone.
03:31 Even though Hilda uses magic frivolously all the time, so why does he even say this?
03:35 She's given concealer as I have to assume that they're all opposed to magic being used to further their chances of winning, even if it involves getting rid of a zit.
03:46 And Gem wastes her time, motivating Sabrina to tell Salem that she plans to use magic, because Gem's already cheating with her wealth.
03:53 One of them should say it's better for Sabrina to win regardless because she's good and Gem's not.
03:59 Anyone would root for Sabrina here.
04:02 So the message will suck if this backfires on her badly enough.
04:06 Sabrina's magical gem causes Gem to get a mustache.
04:11 It's nice to see people giggle at her instead of believe her lying.
04:15 It's obvious that at this point, Gem would know magic exists because magic's been cursing her here.
04:20 I assume she blames it on demons, but I shouldn't have to just assume that.
04:26 Because other than Chloe or Harvey, who else would do this to her for Sabrina's campaign?
04:32 And then Gem gets made fat and cries.
04:36 The students must have assumed to avoid believing in magic that she wore a fake mustache and a fat suit to joke around or self-sabotage out of insecurity.
04:46 Like no one would question her getting fat instantly.
04:49 Again, why would Student of the Year be based on looks?
04:53 Well, it's because the students are the ones voting for who it is.
04:57 It's really, really stupid.
04:59 Why would the faculty think the students can be trusted to properly choose Student of the Year, when the fact is students tend to be bullies to anyone who's different?
05:08 Only the faculty should get to vote on that because they're the only ones who would care about the students' grades and hopefully be mature enough to care about just what personality they have.
05:18 Sabrina feels bad for Gem because she's crying and says she never felt so bad.
05:23 It's in character for Sabrina, who's supposed to be an overly compassionate, all-loving hero.
05:30 But we should see an actually relatable person's response to this.
05:34 Because as it stands, it seems like we're expected to side with Gem, and that's insulting.
05:40 It's not how you teach the message.
05:43 I'm glad Sabrina still wins.
05:45 She gets to call her mom, who's shown in front of her pyramid, and she wishes she could hug her and says she loves her.
05:51 She says she loves her back, and everyone in the audience cheers for her.
05:55 I'm just waiting for the moments where, of course, she says she can't accept the award.
06:00 Compassion is self-destructive, apparently.
06:03 She says being Student of the Year is about being the best you can be, and she says she enjoyed making someone else feel bad and tried to cheat.
06:11 I can't stand seeing this because of how stupid she's being.
06:15 Sadly, the woman plans to give the award to Gem anyways.
06:20 What bad writing.
06:22 Why would Gem be the runner-up when she was being humiliated by Sabrina, causing her to lose her good looks?
06:30 How did Sabrina win if the logic for why Gem won is people still voted for her because of what she did with her money?
06:36 Nothing happens to motivate people to vote for Sabrina.
06:41 She just wanted to have a Yank the Dog's Chain moment.
06:44 Sabrina's approached by her smiling family, and a crystal ball shows her her mother, saying that she's proud of her for owning up to what she did.
06:52 And that she loves her.
06:53 I love her being self-destructive.
06:56 But if she disappointed everyone by refusing the award for Gem's sake, how is that doing the right thing?
07:02 How is that commendable?
07:04 Isn't it kind of a shame on the whole school that they have Gem for Student of the Year?
07:10 If she wanted to punish herself, she should have done something else.
07:15 Quigley says her family loves and respects her, but then says she's grounded for a month for cheating with magic even though Gem cheated first and would have been guaranteed to win if she didn't.
07:26 So anyone reasonable would have wanted Sabrina to win while we're at it.
07:30 I wish Quigley wasn't in the show.
07:32 I know he's justified here, but you'd think he wouldn't side with Gem.
07:36 The story ends with everyone in the audience leaving because Gem's complimenting herself.
07:42 I feel like that's unrealistic because they'd think they aren't even allowed to leave the assembly.
07:47 I wasn't even allowed to leave an assembly where all that happened was the students were encouraged to do a dance near a guy in a chicken suit.
07:54 This needed to end with Gem being sad and regretting what she did because of this.
08:00 But with no actual karma against her, the show is just oppressively bleak and seems to only punish Sabrina for doing the right thing.
08:08 As if that'll encourage kids to imitate her.
08:12 Sure, magic is cheating, but there's no equivalent to magic to cheat in real life other than money.
08:18 And since Gem wins because of her money, the message is botched because Gem gets rewarded and somehow doesn't care that the audience is abandoning her so that doesn't work as karma, which she should always get.
08:31 It's unbalanced in Gem's favor to make her a karma houdini.
08:36 So instead, the only message that sinks in is "You should follow the same rules as everyone unless you're rich.
08:42 Fribe people every time you can because it always works. You get no karma and never regret it."
08:48 Instead, the episode just looks like Sabrina was stupid for being weak and you'd think that too.
08:54 And obviously, it wasn't okay to have her grounded when her giving up the award out of guilt and feeling bad for Gem was a punishment already.
09:03 So basically, Quigley grounds her for doing the right thing.
09:06 Way to raise her, idiot!
09:08 So this shitty-ass episode was about Gem using her magic, I mean money, to encourage the students to vote her Student of the Year.
09:16 And winning in the end because Sabrina grabbed the idiot ball and refused to accept the award because boo-hoo, she made Gem cry.
09:26 Pragmatically speaking, not only is Gem being smart since she cares about getting the trophy, but it's also pragmatic of the students to vote for her because she bought a new wing for the school library, among plenty of other things to curry people's favor.
09:39 But I don't see Sabrina doing anything like that.
09:43 Sure, Gem's a jerk, and I assume everyone knows it, but no other student is doing nearly as much that's good for the school.
09:51 So I guess they're operating under the belief that it's your actions that really matter.
09:55 Sabrina could've done everything she did.
09:58 Sabrina could've summoned gold and shapeshifted to age herself up so she could sell it to a professional who'd give her money for it.
10:06 And since Gem doesn't deserve to have that money just because she's the daughter of someone rich, it's just not fair, and I don't see the value in having a message like that.
10:16 But as if the premise wasn't bad enough, being cliché as well as mundane, this is one of the stories ruined by the ending.
10:25 If the constant use of Gem didn't already ruin it.
10:27 Gem should've gotten the award, or she should've gotten it taken away for bragging at the end.
10:33 It's one of the worst episodes because the pointless message we take in is "Magic shouldn't be used, but bribing has no consequences."
10:43 Why would the jealous writers teach us that when they don't believe there's any witches watching, while there will be rich kids watching?
10:53 This is why I hate the concept of the animated series.
10:56 Sabrina The Animated Series, Episode 7.
10:59 Sabrina annoyingly sings horribly and uses magic to change her clothes multiple times.
11:05 She must be very selfish to not stop singing when Salem complains about it.
11:09 Salem hopes that she'd get a ticket for him to her favorite band.
11:14 She looks like an idiot saying that she spent all her allowance on the clothes, even though we just saw her warp the clothes to her.
11:21 So I thought she summoned them.
11:23 I assume she bought the clothes instead of creating them because it's the right thing to do.
11:27 Even in the 70s comics, Sabrina would advocate buying stuff instead of zapping it up.
11:32 An alien gets summoned to them thanks to Salem, who takes forever to say he's sold out of tickets.
11:39 I hate that it calls Earth "the real world" and so does Sabrina.
11:43 It makes it obvious the writers are totally uninvested in the show and should quit.
11:48 Never in the rest of the franchise has Earth been called "the real world".
11:53 Sabrina plans to earn money for a ticket.
11:56 Again, I wish she said that it's because buying stuff is the right thing to do.
12:01 Also, she should say that if she zapped up a ticket, it would be stealing a ticket from someone else because there's only so many seats.
12:08 Eventually, magic happens in the kitchen to cause a problem and one of the aunts says "the twins".
12:14 Making me assume the family's being harassed by a witch.
12:17 But then after Sabrina agrees to something when called on the phone, the family just warns her that babysitting sucks based on their own experiences.
12:25 I wish they had a different suggestion for making money then because, again,
12:29 their advice is Sabrina is just a waste of time that makes the plot look like it could have easily been avoided, making it even more frustrating.
12:37 So anyways, a bunch of time is wasted before some kids get dropped off in front of Sabrina by a car
12:42 and I assume the kids are saying the same thing simultaneously just to creep people out.
12:47 Because that's not normal.
12:49 Then they spray Sabrina and Harvey.
12:51 They're twins too.
12:53 So that has to mean the magic in the kitchen somehow wasn't from anyone outside the family.
12:58 So how did magic happen that inconvenienced the people there?
13:02 How could it happen by accident?
13:04 Thankfully, Harvey's gonna help her babysit when it could have easily not done that.
13:09 I only say thankfully because this Sabrina is so stupid and stubborn that she would have barely used magic regardless of whether Harvey was there to help her babysit.
13:18 Still, if he wasn't with her, she could have frozen the twins in time the whole time she was with them.
13:23 And Hilda should have told her to do that.
13:26 The twins act like evil monsters the whole time.
13:30 It keeps me from being invested in the story because they aren't acting like realistic people, just giggling maniacs who always run from them.
13:39 I like that Sabrina creates pillows to stop falls at one point.
13:42 Eventually, a beam of her magic brings a statue to life and it scares her.
13:47 How would this happen if she doesn't want it to?
13:49 And Sabrina takes forever to see the kids again.
13:52 When she could have frozen time to stop their progress through the museum.
13:56 But at least the show hasn't proven witches can do that yet.
14:00 Or proven that they can cast a spell to create super speed for themselves.
14:05 When she does see them again, it makes me wonder why nobody hears her say a spell, which somehow isn't a spell to make them well-behaved.
14:13 How in the world is she surprised and disappointed when her magic traps the twins and Harvey in a painting?
14:20 This is why I hate the show.
14:22 How'd she do this accidentally?
14:26 This is just insulting to the mere concept of a witch.
14:29 About as insulting as Twilight is to vampires.
14:33 So this should get a lot more attention.
14:35 I have to assume these three were sent to another universe.
14:38 And I also have to assume that the reason she's able to see them in the painting is that it's another part of the spell.
14:44 She could have at least explained to the former.
14:47 How does she not immediately think to warp them back to her?
14:49 I don't know why people say she was a complete idiot in Sabrina's secret life as if she wasn't always that way.
14:56 Like she got stupider.
14:58 I don't know how they notice a difference if they talk as if she wasn't always impossibly stupid since the second episode.
15:06 Because other than instantly thinking to manipulate or lie to people when it'd benefit her, which only comes off as plot convenience, she never had any intelligence to begin with.
15:16 When she gets in the painting, the accents of the people talking to her make it impossible for me to understand most of what they're saying.
15:23 It doesn't help that my keyboard's very loud.
15:27 It's too bad Harvey never says he assumes he's dreaming all of this.
15:30 When it has to be that it's Sabrina's fault since all of the supernatural stuff in his life happens because of his association with her.
15:37 It seems like the majority of this episode is worthless padding.
15:41 What's the point of seeing a museum tour guide see people run around in the painting just assuming it's hallucinating from stress?
15:48 It's a joke, but the show's attempts at humor usually fail when all of its plots take the series way too seriously.
15:55 If they're willing to do this joke, they have no excuse for not having Sabrina use a lot more magic.
16:01 Sabrina wastes her time talking to a giant who does nothing but cry.
16:05 At least this time I can assume this is based on a painting.
16:08 I don't understand how the twins stay in a good mood the whole time they're in the paintings instead of being scared that they'll never get out.
16:16 They come off as insane.
16:18 I assume they think they're dreaming right away.
16:21 Sabrina eventually lampshades that she thinks she knows better than everybody.
16:25 Why doesn't she stop making unacceptable mistakes then?
16:29 I hate that she's embarrassing herself by talking to herself in front of people for a while.
16:34 At least I can see the point of her going through all of these painting worlds.
16:38 It's meant to be visually interesting.
16:40 But I still know scenes that could be cut out just fine when I see them.
16:44 Eventually we see her go to the twins and threaten them.
16:48 She clearly warps when she goes into the painting.
16:51 Why didn't she warp to them a lot earlier?
16:54 Why doesn't Harvey question her suddenly having a pink rope?
16:57 The fact that it's pink instantly makes it clear it's not a normal rope she could just get from a store.
17:03 She lassoes the twins and Harvey tries to warn her and she keeps telling him not now.
17:08 Then she ends up realizing they're in danger and they fall off a cliff into a river.
17:13 It's annoying that Harvey tells her it's her mind time never to speak to her again.
17:18 She casts a spell out loud and they get sent out of the painting.
17:21 And there's obviously water on the floor around them in the museum so there's no way she could convince them this was a dream.
17:27 Ideally they'd all still think they're dreaming.
17:30 The twins should be witches like I always assumed.
17:33 Sabrina sees the statues and uses magic to return them to their pedestals.
17:38 And somehow they look different than they used to be and somehow she thinks no one would notice.
17:45 And Harvey says outside the museum that she told him they were always in a virtual reality exhibit that made them feel like they were really in a painting.
17:53 The kids tell their mom what happened and she just says "You two and your wild imaginations."
17:59 So sadly they aren't witches.
18:01 They're just literally insane because they're totally cool with what happened and they never ask how in the world they went through all of that.
18:09 They should have been witches no matter how unlikely that would have been because then it would make sense if they'd go into the paintings because they do it for fun.
18:18 There's horrible writing again and Sabrina says she forgot to get her babysitting money and wastes a bunch of time angsting.
18:25 What's the point of her angsting if she's never gonna change?
18:29 Which means she's not gonna be an appealing protagonist.
18:35 The mother of the kids realistically shows up at her house and gives her her pay and is thankful that Sabrina made her kids art lovers.
18:42 And she gives her some tickets to the exact band she wanted to see.
18:46 Which has to be because they're the only concert in town or she told her off screen that she wanted to see the band.
18:52 I figured that the first time she ever saw her was when she drove up to her in that car.
18:57 And there's more horrible writing because Sabrina and Harvey sleep through the concert.
19:02 The story should have ended with a member of Sabrina's family rewinding time for something so that she could experience the concert.
19:09 How did Sabrina and Harvey sleep through the concert when the babysitting job didn't take place during the night?
19:15 I know they'd be tired from all the running they did but that doesn't explain it.
19:20 I mean they had quite a long while to do some resting where they weren't running before this point.
19:27 It's not like students are stuck sleeping for the length of time a concert takes after every gym class.
19:33 This was a horrible episode and that was immediately obvious once you found out it was a babysitting episode.
19:39 Obviously a witch stuck babysitting mortals would just magically freeze them in time or make them well behaved.
19:45 But instead Sabrina somehow wasted Harvey's time having him with her.
19:49 At least she still got to use magic a little.
19:52 But there's no way she'd trap them in a universe where they're on a planet just like a bunch of paintings by accident.
19:59 And there's no way she wouldn't instantly warp them out of there because visualizing them wouldn't be hard.
20:04 And she already proved she knew she could warp them by doing the previous thing.
20:09 And since she could always turn into a member of her family or spooky for help with magic, the excuse that she's a novice witch never holds any water.
20:18 Most of the episode clearly could have been cut out of the story and still had the same plot just fine.
20:22 Most of it was just Sabrina going through a world of various different paintings.
20:27 What sucked is there was no explanation for its existence.
20:31 Even if it is easy to assume she warped to another world created by a witch.
20:35 It was just boring when they're running through the museum.
20:38 The twins came off as insane because they did nothing but run away from the babysitters laughing and somehow never tried to figure out how they got into the painting.
20:47 And made them look insane.
20:49 The writer cares so little about making sense that it's implied that their mother is immortal.
20:53 So that's not the explanation.
20:55 And the writing sucked so bad that Sabrina and Harvey somehow slept through the concert.
21:00 But at least she still had the money she got.
21:03 So she didn't actually go through all that for nothing.
21:06 Rather than getting the point of the series by showing what a witch's life on Earth would be like and being an escapist fantasy, this episode is just arbitrary sadism.
21:16 This was the first episode I didn't like the experience of watching.
21:20 Because it turns out it's annoying to hear almost nothing but evil giggling from Bratz.
21:24 And the rest of it is just Sabrina being an idiot.
21:26 And it's also boring to see the main characters just run.
21:30 I already got enough of that for a lifetime when Salem was turned into a mouse.
21:35 (upbeat music)