Hey there, fellow adventurers of parenting chaos! Today, we're diving headfirst into the hilarious world of MomCave LIVE, where Betsy Stover and Jen spill the beans on the wild ride that is motherhood. Buckle up for laughter, relatable tales, and a journey through the ups and downs of raising kids, all served with a generous dose of humor. From awkward improv class reunions to the challenges of raising teenagers, these moms are here to share the chaos behind 'Why Mommy Drinks.' Stick around for a rollercoaster of stories that'll leave you nodding, laughing, and possibly questioning if your own parenting journey needs a comedy soundtrack. Welcome to the MomCave – where lost minds meet unbeatable humor!
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Betsy Stover: Hi!
Jen: Welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. And I have a guest today that's going to blow your mind because she's hilarious. And we have so much to talk about. And I'm gonna put her on Tada!
Betsy Stover: Hello, everyone. Hello, Jen. Thanks for having me on.
Jen:I'm psyched to have you on if you guys don't know, Betsy. She's a funny lady. She's on all kinds of TV and cool things. And she's a UCB improv teacher person. And she is on Why Mommy Drinks is her very funny podcast that's on hiatus. And you know, she's got a bunch of kids. So we have so much to talk about. Just a whole bunch, just a whole bunch. Um, but I think the very first thing to talk about is the fact that I, this is the first time that we've spoken to each other in, like, 13 or more years, right?
Betsy Stover: I think so. It's been a very long time since I've been able to speak with you face to face.
Jen: I know. I know. So I think that the story, I don't know what your side of the story will be. But I'll tell my side of the story because I think it was pretty funny. So um, Betsy is a teacher of improv at UCB
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Betsy Stover: Hi!
Jen: Welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. And I have a guest today that's going to blow your mind because she's hilarious. And we have so much to talk about. And I'm gonna put her on Tada!
Betsy Stover: Hello, everyone. Hello, Jen. Thanks for having me on.
Jen:I'm psyched to have you on if you guys don't know, Betsy. She's a funny lady. She's on all kinds of TV and cool things. And she's a UCB improv teacher person. And she is on Why Mommy Drinks is her very funny podcast that's on hiatus. And you know, she's got a bunch of kids. So we have so much to talk about. Just a whole bunch, just a whole bunch. Um, but I think the very first thing to talk about is the fact that I, this is the first time that we've spoken to each other in, like, 13 or more years, right?
Betsy Stover: I think so. It's been a very long time since I've been able to speak with you face to face.
Jen: I know. I know. So I think that the story, I don't know what your side of the story will be. But I'll tell my side of the story because I think it was pretty funny. So um, Betsy is a teacher of improv at UCB
Read More Here: https://www.momcavetv.com/why-mommy-drinks-momcave-live/
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FunTranscript
00:00 (phone ringing)
00:02 (children yelling)
00:04 (upbeat music)
00:08 - Hi, welcome to MomCave Live
00:17 where we may have lost our minds,
00:19 but we haven't lost our sense of humor.
00:21 And I have a guest today that's going to blow your mind
00:24 'cause she's hilarious and we have so much to talk about.
00:27 And I'm gonna put her on, ta-da!
00:29 Hello everyone.
00:31 Hello Jen, thanks for having me on.
00:34 - I'm psyched to have you on.
00:35 If you guys don't know Betsy, she's a funny lady.
00:38 She's on all kinds of TV and cool things
00:42 and she's a UCB improv teacher person.
00:45 And she is on "Why Mommy Drinks."
00:48 It's her very funny podcast that's on hiatus.
00:51 And you know, she's got a bunch of kids.
00:52 So we have so much to talk about.
00:54 - Just a whole bunch.
00:55 - Just a whole bunch.
00:58 But I think the very first thing to talk about
01:01 is the fact that this is the first time
01:03 that we've spoken to each other
01:05 in like 13 or more years, right?
01:09 - I think so.
01:10 It's been a very long time
01:12 since I've been able to speak with you face to face.
01:14 - I know, I know.
01:16 So I think that the story,
01:18 I don't know what your side of the story will be,
01:19 but I'll tell my side of the story
01:20 'cause I think it was pretty funny.
01:22 So Betsy is a teacher of improv at UCB.
01:27 I am, so we're in New York.
01:29 I'm an actor.
01:30 I took improv because it was the one kind of acting
01:34 that I was terrified of.
01:36 And I was like, I'm gonna make myself do this.
01:38 And so, yeah, that's what improv is, right?
01:41 But anyone who's not familiar with the whole improv scene,
01:47 it's dominated by boys.
01:50 I'm gonna say boys, not even men.
01:52 Young men, like in their 20s and 30s.
01:55 And they're really cool.
01:56 They know all the, you know,
01:58 they know all the what's trending
02:00 and all the things that we don't know anymore, right?
02:04 - Right.
02:05 - So I was pretty pregnant at the time
02:08 and I walk in the room and I see my instructor
02:12 and it's Betsy and she's just as pregnant as me.
02:16 - I forgot about that.
02:19 I remember you being pregnant,
02:20 but I forgot the detail that I was also pregnant.
02:23 - Yes, and I was like, oh my God,
02:26 these poor guys, they're gonna be,
02:28 but it made me feel better.
02:29 Like, at least I'm not the only old female
02:33 pregnant person in the room.
02:35 Not that you're old,
02:36 but we were older than them, for sure.
02:39 - But yeah, they were all like 23
02:41 and we were adult women who were having babies.
02:45 (laughing)
02:47 Yeah.
02:48 - Yeah, so that was good.
02:50 So you made that easier.
02:52 And one other quick story.
02:53 I remember that it was really, really hot one day
02:57 when we had class, like over a hundred degrees hot.
03:00 And Betsy sent out a message, like telling people
03:03 they didn't have to come to class.
03:05 It was so hot.
03:06 I don't even know if there was air conditioning.
03:09 And I fricking came to class and I was like,
03:11 if the pregnant woman can come
03:13 and the other pregnant woman can teach,
03:16 you 20 year olds, you're like snowflaking out here.
03:22 So we both showed up on a hot day.
03:24 - Right, we did.
03:26 We did, we were both there.
03:28 - How's it going over there in the land of teenager?
03:30 'Cause it's...
03:32 - It's rough.
03:36 - It's rough.
03:37 - It's rough.
03:38 So both of our--
03:38 - It's better in a lot of ways, right?
03:40 - Yeah, I mean, there are people that you can talk to
03:45 and enjoy certain things with and watch movies
03:48 that would have been inappropriate or probably still are.
03:51 - Yeah.
03:52 - But then again, they're also people
03:54 and they have opinions.
03:57 - Yes, yes, they do.
03:58 They have a lot of sassy, strong opinions.
04:01 - How do you deal with it?
04:06 What's your, are you improv mom?
04:08 Are you funny?
04:09 Are you like blowing it all up and being funny?
04:11 Or are you strict mom?
04:13 - A little bit of, call them A and B.
04:18 I was raised without a lot of boundaries.
04:22 And so it wasn't strict in a lot of ways
04:26 and everything was kind of loosey goosey.
04:28 And so my response to that is like,
04:32 I've got to have boundaries and rules
04:34 and I've got to make sure that my children
04:37 can count on what's what.
04:39 But then I'm also married to another improviser
04:44 and he was raised by perfectly lovely people
04:49 with boundaries, good boundaries.
04:51 He is much more like loosey goosey about everything.
04:54 So I do tend to be the bad cop
04:56 and he tends to be the good cop.
04:58 But I also think that tends to be the case
05:02 in a lot of heterosexual parent-child relationships.
05:07 - Yeah, I think mom does tend to be the bad cop
05:11 a lot of the time.
05:13 More often than not.
05:14 - Right, because, well, my thought is like,
05:17 I'm the one that has to get a lot of shit done around here.
05:19 And if no one's behaving,
05:20 mom is like the CEO of the family a lot of the time.
05:25 - Yeah, well, and also it's like,
05:29 are we allowed to swear on here?
05:30 - Oh, swear away.
05:32 - Okay.
05:33 I think moms know, if we fuck up,
05:36 no one is gonna be, I mean, some people may be,
05:38 but most people are gonna be like,
05:40 what did their mother do?
05:42 Right?
05:43 - Right, it's all about the mother.
05:45 - It's all about the mother and her failing.
05:47 And so I'm also like, oh gosh,
05:50 especially when they're 13, it's like,
05:52 oh my gosh, we're running out of time.
05:54 I got five more years to train you into being a person
05:58 and then you're gonna be out there
05:59 doing all kinds of wild stuff.
06:01 And if it's bad, they're gonna blame me.
06:04 - Totally.
06:05 - I've got to deal with good things.
06:08 - Yeah, I keep, when he is being not good,
06:12 I think to myself, he wouldn't be doing this
06:14 if I had done better up to this point.
06:16 I obviously did not train the child well enough.
06:19 - Yes, if I had been perfect, you would be perfect.
06:22 - Right, not gonna happen.
06:23 We're not.
06:24 - It's not, what a weird lie that we tell ourselves.
06:27 - No, not at all.
06:29 So you moved out to the sunny California years ago, yeah.
06:34 - Yes, we were in Brooklyn there for
06:37 about three years of kids.
06:41 And then we came out to California
06:44 to mostly just pan for gold
06:47 and stake our claim on territory.
06:52 None of that's true.
06:54 But we did come out here to pursue our entertainment dreams.
06:58 - Metaphorically, you were panning for gold.
07:00 - Yeah, metaphorically we were panning for gold
07:03 and hoping to stake our claim
07:05 in that maybe one day we'll own a home.
07:09 But yeah, the nice thing was that my husband
07:12 was working for a company that at the time
07:14 was just coming out here.
07:15 And then of course the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
07:18 where we both work also is out here.
07:20 And a lot of our friends had already moved out here.
07:22 And you know that having kids in New York City
07:25 is really hard.
07:26 It's not a city that even tolerates kids so much.
07:31 - They're like a real father, really.
07:34 - Yeah, they're a real, yeah.
07:36 It's an adult, it's a city for adults.
07:39 Yeah, so coming out to California,
07:41 it was like, you can drive places,
07:43 you don't have to carry all your groceries home.
07:46 You don't have to worry about your child
07:48 running into the subway mouth on the tracks.
07:53 - Right, running out into the street.
07:56 Yeah, but I didn't know, I've never lived in LA.
08:00 I've been there.
08:00 It is more child-friendly.
08:03 - It is more child-friendly.
08:04 It definitely is.
08:06 Yeah, 'cause you can, if any,
08:08 at the very least you can drive places
08:10 and people don't have to encounter your children,
08:13 if anything.
08:14 - Right, and in a closed vehicle.
08:17 - And at the very least, if you need to change your baby
08:20 and there isn't a changing station,
08:22 you change them in your car.
08:24 - I know.
08:24 I pulled over on the side of the road one day
08:27 to change my kid.
08:28 And I pulled in front of someone's house,
08:30 not on the property, not in the driveway.
08:33 The man came out yelling at me.
08:36 And I've never forgotten that man.
08:39 - Isn't that funny how we remember?
08:42 - Yeah, just random things.
08:43 - My husband and I went to the Westminster Dog Show
08:48 one year.
08:49 - Oh, cool.
08:50 - And it was on Valentine's Day.
08:54 And when you come early, you can kind of be there all day
08:58 watching all kinds of dog events.
08:59 And you can kind of sit wherever.
09:02 But then there are some seats where
09:04 if the ticket holder shows up,
09:06 then they can just say, "Hey, these are our seats."
09:08 And you go, find a different seat.
09:11 And I'll never forget this older man
09:13 was so mean to us for sitting in his seats.
09:17 It's like 15 years later and I'm still like,
09:20 that fucking old man.
09:21 - That man, you'll remember him forever.
09:23 - I will.
09:24 - I know.
09:25 There's something about that.
09:27 Someone's watching us from New Zealand.
09:29 Hi, Tina from New Zealand.
09:31 - Hello, Kiwi friend.
09:33 - Wow.
09:34 Okay, cool.
09:36 I was also thinking about the fact that
09:40 since both of our oldest children are about the same age,
09:45 both of our youngest children are about the same age,
09:48 but I only have two and you have three.
09:51 - Yes.
09:52 - So, how did you get...
09:55 You can see I didn't even...
09:59 How did you get this pickle?
10:00 No, how did you know you were ready to have another?
10:02 Because that's why my kids are so far apart
10:05 because I can't even think about having another kid
10:07 till they're like really old
10:09 'cause I can't deal with a lot of little kids.
10:12 - Well, I...
10:14 So, I have a lot of siblings.
10:17 So, my parents had me and then when they divorced,
10:22 my dad remarried and had three children with my stepmom
10:26 and my mom adopted three more children.
10:29 So, I'm used to being one of four in any given situation
10:34 and I am one of seven.
10:37 So, I knew that I wanted to have a few kids.
10:42 I was pretty sure I wanted to have at least three
10:46 'cause that felt like normal to me.
10:49 And two of my brothers are 18 months apart
10:54 and they have always had a beautiful relationship,
10:57 just like best friends, just peas and carrots, those two.
11:01 And they really compliment each other well in so many ways.
11:05 And I was like, wow, as someone who was at least,
11:09 at least eight years older than my next sibling,
11:12 I really wanted my kids to have what I didn't have,
11:17 which in addition to just having the same parents
11:22 and living in the same house,
11:25 was just like, yeah, like being able to play
11:27 with each other.
11:28 'Cause I was always like a little adult
11:31 and I didn't have anyone to play with.
11:32 So, I wanted that for them.
11:36 And so, I ended up having my first two 20 months apart,
11:41 which in a lot of ways was really great
11:44 because they are the bestest of frenemies.
11:48 - Yeah.
11:49 - But I think, especially when they're older,
11:54 I think that's gonna be really valuable.
11:56 - Yeah, I think so.
11:58 - But it was like hell on earth there.
12:01 I mean, it was really hard.
12:03 - Yeah. - It was really hard.
12:04 - I mean, I find it very hard with one, so yeah,
12:08 two, that little.
12:09 I don't know, some people don't let the chaos bother them.
12:15 And I've tried to be that person,
12:16 but I'm never gonna be that person.
12:18 - Me neither.
12:20 - No, I'm a Virgo, I'm a firstborn.
12:24 Yeah, I'm a perfectionist.
12:25 Yeah, I mean, so much of parenting is though,
12:31 letting go of control and capitulating to that chaos.
12:37 Improviser, I am, in a lot of ways,
12:42 I am very comfortable in chaos
12:45 and sort of trying to find my little corner of control
12:49 in the chaos.
12:50 But a scene is one thing, your life is a whole other thing.
12:57 I used to feel a lot more in control
13:00 until the pandemic and lockdown started.
13:04 And then I was like, everything's terrible.
13:08 - Yeah, I was like, do whatever you need to do
13:10 to not feel like you're driving me crazy.
13:14 - Drink vodka all day and you can be on screens 24/7.
13:19 - That's what happens, yeah.
13:20 - Yeah.
13:21 - That happens to everybody though.
13:24 And I think we lost some ground
13:26 that we won't get back because of that.
13:29 - 100%, 100%.
13:32 - So it's just-
13:33 - Yeah, screen restrictions, it is 2023
13:37 and we are still nowhere near
13:39 where we were before the pandemic.
13:42 - Oh, us neither.
13:43 And my kids go to a Waldorf school
13:46 that technically has a no media policy.
13:49 And I'm saying this on the internet.
13:50 So please people from that school don't kick us out.
13:54 But yeah, they're not supposed to have media
13:56 up until a certain grade.
13:57 And then after that, only on the weekends.
14:00 And I don't fully violate it 'cause I have some rules.
14:05 But my kids have no media.
14:08 You're shocked.
14:09 - I'm sorry, go back.
14:11 The school that you pay money to send your children to.
14:18 - Told you, a lot of money.
14:20 Told you, you're not allowed to show your kids media
14:25 until a certain age and even then only on the weekends.
14:29 - They do say that.
14:30 I get the concept and all in theory sounds lovely
14:35 and would work.
14:36 - Oh yeah.
14:37 - Everyone could do it.
14:38 It would be great.
14:39 And our kids would grow up and be like
14:40 little house on the prairie.
14:42 - Yes.
14:44 - It doesn't work that way in real world all the time.
14:49 I work from home.
14:49 - No.
14:50 - No.
14:51 - Yeah, but you sound like my son
14:56 'cause of course he hates that policy.
14:58 And he's like, wait, we pay the school.
15:01 They can't tell us what we can do when we're at home.
15:04 You're paying them.
15:05 I'm like, dude, you don't know how big
15:07 of a scholarship you're on.
15:09 - Your kids going up to cops.
15:13 I pay your salary.
15:15 - Right, exactly.
15:15 - They can't arrest me.
15:16 - They can't give us a ticket.
15:19 We pay for them.
15:20 - Exactly.
15:21 - That is 13 year old reasoning if I ever heard it.
15:24 - Oh yeah.
15:25 Oh yeah.
15:27 - Yeah.
15:27 - Yeah, screens are a whole, yeah.
15:31 It's a sensitive subject in the house.
15:35 - It is.
15:36 We're like twitching when we think about it.
15:37 Well, this next thing I'm gonna ask you
15:40 could be a much larger, more serious conversation
15:43 but I don't wanna have a serious conversation.
15:45 I don't know about you.
15:46 But I loved when your podcast first came out
15:50 and the name of the podcast is "Why Mommy Drinks."
15:53 I thought that was a great title.
15:54 I love it.
15:55 Now, of course I do drink.
15:57 And this was a little before the whole,
16:00 like it really, the sober mom movement really kicked in
16:04 when you started.
16:06 But now I feel like there's a backlash
16:09 against moms drinking at all almost
16:13 or just talking about it online
16:15 like as if it's a glamorization or promoting.
16:17 I don't know.
16:18 I was wondering, did you have a backlash?
16:20 How do you deal with that?
16:21 What are your thoughts?
16:23 - Great question.
16:25 Yeah, when we started "Why Mommy Drinks"
16:28 felt right for a few reasons.
16:30 One, it was taking advantage of wine mom culture
16:35 which was just, we were right in the middle of it.
16:40 And it truly-
16:43 - They are why we drink.
16:45 - And they are why I was drinking quite a bit.
16:48 But yeah, as time went on and mom culture
16:56 had like a big backlash, you know,
17:02 that's fair like from moms themselves for the most part
17:06 but also from outside of that.
17:08 Yeah, people were like, "Ew, I don't like the..."
17:10 Yeah, like the title was definitely a turnoff
17:12 for some people.
17:13 And if we were to rename it,
17:14 we'd probably rename it something else, but.
17:16 - Why Mommy Smokes Sweet.
17:20 No, I'm just kidding.
17:20 - Why Mommy's on Death.
17:22 (laughing)
17:23 - Right, that's a whole other story.
17:25 - But I don't know.
17:29 I felt like the title was to the point.
17:32 It was just like, "Oh, look, I'm broken.
17:34 I need a drink."
17:36 And this is why.
17:37 And in every episode, we're gonna tell you
17:39 why we're kind of broken this week.
17:42 But also like, yeah, fucking a lot of moms do drink
17:49 and right or wrong, a lot of them use that to cope
17:52 and, "Hey man, get off our jocks."
17:55 (laughing)
17:56 Just trying to do their fucking best.
17:58 - Right, right.
17:59 I mean, we're sensitive to people who are struggling.
18:02 - Over.
18:03 - But we're, yeah, we're not saying everyone should.
18:06 - No.
18:07 - We're just saying we need a drink.
18:09 - Yeah, it's not called why mommy ought to drink
18:12 all the time.
18:13 And if you don't, you're out of the club.
18:16 Yeah.
18:17 - Yeah, yeah.
18:17 Okay, I felt like that was something we have to talk about.
18:20 It's very--
18:21 - Thank you.
18:22 I think that was a great question.
18:24 - You're very welcome.
18:25 Well, Betsy, I could talk to you all night,
18:27 but I'm sure nobody wants to watch us hang out all night.
18:29 But this was super fun.
18:32 And you guys should check out Betsy on all the places.
18:34 She's Betsy-Stover on Instagram, I believe.
18:38 - Betsy.Stover.
18:39 - Dot, dot.
18:40 Betsy.Stover.
18:42 - Betsy-Stover on Venmo though,
18:44 if you just want to send her some money.
18:46 - If you want to send her some money.
18:48 Yeah, Venmo her.
18:50 That's great.
18:52 Thank you for talking with me.
18:53 This has been super fun.
18:55 - It is such a thrill to get to see you.
18:57 I could talk to you all night.
18:58 - I know, same.
18:59 Well, we'll have to think of something fun to do together.
19:02 So yeah.
19:03 Okay, everybody go check her out.
19:05 - All right.
19:06 Good night, everyone.
19:07 Thank you.
19:08 - Bye.
19:09 - Bye.
19:09 [BLANK_AUDIO]