Ask a Policeman (1939)
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TVTranscript
00:00:00 [Music]
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00:00:21 [Music]
00:00:28 [Music]
00:00:35 [Music]
00:00:42 [Music]
00:00:49 We're now back in the studio having shown you the type of crime which occurs all too frequently in London,
00:00:54 keeping a highly organised police force constantly employed.
00:00:57 But now by way of contrast, we're taking you over to a little village on the coast.
00:01:01 In the sleepy little hamlet of Turnbottom Round, there are no criminals.
00:01:06 For years now, not a single conviction has been recorded, not even a name in the charge book.
00:01:11 This unique record has caused Turnbottom Round to be envied throughout the south of England as the village without crime.
00:01:17 The police station occupies an old watchtower and is probably the least used building in the neighbourhood.
00:01:23 Ladies and gentlemen, the police station Turnbottom Round.
00:01:29 Well here we are ladies and gentlemen, in the police station of the village without crime.
00:01:34 We have with us as an audience, the squire and all the local celebrities.
00:01:39 The absence of crime in this happy village is entirely due to the efficient and indefatigable efforts of the head of the local police force, Sergeant Dudford.
00:01:49 [Applause]
00:01:52 Sergeant Dudford.
00:01:54 Oh is it me?
00:01:57 Good evening everybody.
00:01:58 A little further back and not quite so loud please.
00:02:01 Oh I see, a little farther back, yes.
00:02:02 Is it true you've had no crime in this village?
00:02:05 No, no, that's my bit.
00:02:06 Oh is it? Oh, I'm sorry, that's his bit.
00:02:09 Is it true that you've had no crime in this village for ten years?
00:02:12 Oh I see, we're starting again. Yes, that is true.
00:02:15 And how long exactly is it since you last had a crime?
00:02:17 Ten years, five weeks, four days.
00:02:19 Very interesting. And how long have you been in charge of this police station?
00:02:23 Ten years, five weeks, four days.
00:02:25 I can hardly believe it.
00:02:26 Well that's what it says here.
00:02:28 Very commendable, Sergeant. A record like yours deserves a reward.
00:02:32 Hey, where is it?
00:02:34 I have merely done my duty. I do not expect any reward.
00:02:38 I'm sorry, I don't remember approving that line.
00:02:40 When you say there has been no crime, you mean no big crime.
00:02:44 I mean none, either big or little.
00:02:46 What about minor offences such as pilfering or poaching?
00:02:49 There has been no poaching in this village for ten years, five weeks, four days.
00:02:53 Amazing record, Sergeant.
00:02:55 Yes, I haven't seen a poacher for the last...
00:02:57 Since you've been here, definitely an achievement, Sergeant.
00:03:00 I don't suppose there's another country area in England without at least one local poacher.
00:03:04 And for an agricultural district like Turnbotham Round,
00:03:07 never to have known a case of poaching in ten years,
00:03:10 well all I can say is it says a great deal for the control you exercise over the villagers.
00:03:14 Now look, you've done it. You've made us miss the broadcast.
00:03:16 He will not be narky.
00:03:17 Yes, he'd be more narky if he missed his dinner tomorrow.
00:03:20 Get up your paws. Don't you know they're making a broadcast in there?
00:03:25 - I'm doing it on purpose. - Get some light in here.
00:03:27 - I can't see. - That's better.
00:03:28 If we hurry, we'll just make it.
00:03:30 Sorry.
00:03:31 He's still talking.
00:03:33 I thought you said you'd remember the broadcast.
00:03:35 No, I didn't. I said I'd remember to remind you about the broadcast.
00:03:38 - Well, why didn't you? - Because I forgot.
00:03:40 Because you forgot. You always forget.
00:03:42 Come on. All right, wait for me.
00:03:44 I've set an example to the police all over the world.
00:03:47 Our Sergeant Dudford staff have just returned from their lonely beats.
00:03:51 Two splendid fellows.
00:03:53 One is a fine, youthful figure of a policeman, and the other is just...
00:03:56 - They don't want to hear about him. - Sorry we're late, Sarge.
00:03:58 Good evening, Constable Brown.
00:04:00 So you two have helped to keep this village free from crime?
00:04:02 Not at all! Not so loud and stand farther back.
00:04:05 This village must be very proud of you.
00:04:07 - My girl Emily says... - My girl Emily.
00:04:09 That's a nice thing to say in a broadcast.
00:04:11 They can't make anything moot out of that, can they?
00:04:13 Now, how long have you been with the force?
00:04:16 Twelve months next muck-spreading.
00:04:18 What do you mean, muck-spreading? It says April.
00:04:20 - Well, there is muck-spreading. - Why doesn't he stick to the script?
00:04:23 What is he, a gardening talk?
00:04:25 You've never been called upon to arrest even a drunk.
00:04:27 Oh, no. No drunks here.
00:04:30 You must tell the quiet voices in the streets.
00:04:36 - It's not the proper place to practice. - Yes, Sarge.
00:04:38 And how about you, Constable, uh...
00:04:40 - Heartbottle. - Pleased to meet you.
00:04:43 Heartbottle, ah, yes. You control the traffic.
00:04:45 And you've never even known a case of speeding.
00:04:47 - No fear. - I'd have soon had the bracelets on them if I had.
00:04:50 Oh, that must be the doctor on an urgent case.
00:04:53 Urgent? He's probably going to miss his ochy.
00:04:56 He always leaves it till the last minute.
00:04:58 Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize for this old fool.
00:05:02 If he opens his mouth, he always sticks his foot in it.
00:05:04 He comes butting in, he's got no right here at all.
00:05:06 - And what's more... - You're wasting your time, sir.
00:05:08 - You've been faded out. - Well, what about these other three pages?
00:05:11 - It's all your fault, you... - I'm sorry this happened, Sergeant.
00:05:14 You were doing splendidly.
00:05:16 Oh, well, you know how it is. The BBC always fade out the best items.
00:05:19 - Good night, Sergeant. - Good night.
00:05:22 The least I can do is to thank you for your trouble.
00:05:24 Being a police officer, of course you can't accept a fee.
00:05:26 Oh, does that come under this? Oh, what a pity.
00:05:28 But if there's any local charity for which you'd like a contribution...
00:05:31 Well, we have the police outing fund, sir.
00:05:33 I think it's going to be rather difficult to get that in.
00:05:35 Oh, no, no, no, there we are.
00:05:37 - Good night, Sergeant. - Good night.
00:05:39 Come and say good night to the gentlemen. Come on, come on.
00:05:42 - Good night. - Good night.
00:05:44 - My drink! - My drink!
00:05:49 Get in there!
00:05:51 We're not open yet.
00:06:03 Got plenty for you this morning, Sarge.
00:06:05 - Have you? - Yeah. - Well, then wait for their money.
00:06:07 - Show them in next door. - Oh.
00:06:09 Hello, Ernie. How's it?
00:06:17 Very nice, thanks. The Sergeant says I have to bring his post here.
00:06:20 What, all that lunch? What's he been up to?
00:06:22 Oh, I...
00:06:24 - Come in out tonight, Emily. - Oh, I can't, Ernie. I've got a date.
00:06:31 - Not with Harry Pringle, the fish boy. - Why? What have you got on Harry?
00:06:34 Oh, nothing. I never thought a girl like you would aim a bit higher than a common eel skinner.
00:06:38 Well, at least he does take me to the pictures.
00:06:40 Pictures? What's the matter with you?
00:06:42 You go there and pass out at Robert Taylor and Clark Gable.
00:06:45 Takes you a couple of weeks to get used to me again.
00:06:48 Oh, you're just jealous cos Harry's got a motorbike and you haven't.
00:06:51 Huh! Motorbike? I wouldn't take one of my girls out on a motorbike,
00:06:54 bumping up and down on the pillion, getting disfigured for life.
00:06:57 Don't you believe it, big boy?
00:06:59 The back of a motorbike's OK by little Emily.
00:07:01 I suppose you wouldn't come out in my car.
00:07:03 Your car? Well, you haven't got a car. It belongs to the police.
00:07:07 Anyway, you're afraid to take me out in it.
00:07:09 - Says who? - Says me.
00:07:11 You'll be at the crossway at half past five and we'll see.
00:07:15 I might. Now you've bought me the sweets.
00:07:17 - So long, honey bud. - All right.
00:07:19 Here, here. Here, here, here.
00:07:23 Don't give him all the broken biscuits.
00:07:25 Who are they for, the governor?
00:07:27 Oh, I see. Look, they're all those for me.
00:07:29 - Pepsi Christmas cards. - What, in November?
00:07:32 It's your fun mail after your broadcast.
00:07:34 - How do you know? - Well, I opened one or two.
00:07:37 You opened one or two? Do you know that's an offence?
00:07:39 Yes, and so was your broadcast.
00:07:42 Here, lovely. What's all that lot?
00:07:44 - My fan letters. - For me?
00:07:46 - Look, there's one with OHMS on it. - That'll be from the BBC.
00:07:49 One to fix up another broadcast.
00:07:51 Yes.
00:07:53 "Dear sir, re your broadcast.
00:07:56 "Your failure to effect a single arrest for the past ten years,
00:07:59 "five weeks, four days, would strongly suggest
00:08:02 "that the police station in your area is unnecessary.
00:08:05 "An investigation will shortly be made
00:08:07 "to decide whether to transfer you to another district
00:08:10 "or to retire you and your staff from the force altogether.
00:08:13 "Yours faithfully, John Conn's, your chief constable."
00:08:16 Oh, dear.
00:08:18 Transferred or retired. That's a bit thick.
00:08:20 I don't want to retire. At least not till I'm an old man.
00:08:23 You're ten years older than the pyramids now.
00:08:25 - It's all your fault. You and your blew in broadcast. - There's gratitude for you.
00:08:29 After me making him into a policeman.
00:08:31 - You had to when his nephew resigned. - Resigned? I like that.
00:08:34 - Did a bunk with a sports fund. - And you kept his name on the payroll.
00:08:37 That's right. If I hadn't come in, he wouldn't have had me on.
00:08:40 - And you wouldn't be able to stick to half his wages. - That's commission.
00:08:44 You should talk. What about all that petrol you've been using?
00:08:47 - What about it? It's not yours. It's police petrol. - It's got nothing to do with it.
00:08:51 It's the principle of the thing I'm talking about.
00:08:54 There's no use fighting amongst ourselves. What are we going to do about this letter?
00:08:58 I'll tell you what. If the chief wants arrests, he's going to have arrests.
00:09:02 We'll find some crime, that's all. Let me see.
00:09:05 Here. I know where there's some crime.
00:09:09 - Where? - In the news of the world.
00:09:11 - We can't wait till Sunday. - What about Mrs Clifford?
00:09:14 - Has she paid her dog licence? - Well, she has in a way.
00:09:17 - What do you mean, she has in a way? - She tossed me dog law quits and I lost.
00:09:22 - We could get her for gambling. - We can't do that. She's one of my best customers.
00:09:26 Box of dog biscuits in a Bob Martins every Friday.
00:09:29 We'll arrest someone whether we offend them or not.
00:09:32 What about poaching?
00:09:34 - No. - No.
00:09:36 No.
00:09:38 - That's enough, Ricky. - You know Jolly well he hasn't got a car.
00:09:43 He's only got a bike.
00:09:45 Hey! Hey, come back here! You can't go carrying through here!
00:09:49 What are you doing? This is a restricted area!
00:09:52 Hey, there's an idea. Restricted area. We'll set a speed sign.
00:09:57 We'll give them arrest. We'll stop everything.
00:10:00 - Where's my stopwatch? - I gave it Harbock.
00:10:03 - I had it, but I boiled it. - You what?
00:10:05 I had the egg in one hand and the watch in the other and I put the wrong one in.
00:10:08 - You would. You'd better bring the egg. - What shall I do with it?
00:10:11 Suck it and see.
00:10:13 - All right, I'm ready. - Get in the hedge.
00:10:24 All right.
00:10:27 - How are you going to work it? - It's perfectly simple.
00:10:30 Harbock's at the top of the road with the first post.
00:10:33 When a car passes him, he'll start his watch and drop his handkerchief.
00:10:36 - What do I do? - When you see his handkerchief, you start your watch.
00:10:39 - Who's going to stop the motorist? - I am. I'm going to stop every car that passes.
00:10:44 - You didn't stop that one. - He came before I was ready.
00:10:50 - Here, set your watch by mine. - Hey, sounds like another car.
00:10:53 Get in the hedge over there.
00:10:56 - You were exceeding the speed limit. - Don't talk rot.
00:11:15 - Oh, yes, you were. - All right. How much do you reckon I was doing?
00:11:19 - Well, all in good time. - Harbert! Harbottle!
00:11:23 - What was this man doing? - 25 minutes.
00:11:27 - Minutes? Those are seconds. - I was looking at the wrong end.
00:11:30 - What do you measure? - 25 seconds.
00:11:32 So do I. You did the measured furlong in 25 seconds.
00:11:35 What of it? That's only 20 miles an hour.
00:11:38 - 20 miles... - Yes, but 20 miles each.
00:11:41 - Three of us, that makes it 60. - 60? What on earth are you dribbling about?
00:11:45 25 seconds, one furlong. Work it out for yourself and see.
00:11:49 Oh, that's easy. I've got a pencil.
00:11:51 I suppose you think we can't do it, don't you?
00:11:54 Let me see. What is it? 220 yards multiplied by 8.
00:11:59 - Not on my bonnet. - All right, all right. We'll only do it to oblige you.
00:12:03 - Yes, we're courtesy cops. - Yes.
00:12:05 220 yards multiplied by 8, that's 1,760.
00:12:10 - Divide that by 25 seconds. - The thing to do is to reduce it to hours.
00:12:14 - How can you reduce 25 seconds to hours? - How long do you expect me to wait?
00:12:18 - You wait till we've finished. - I've done it.
00:12:22 Good. 25 minus 220 divided by 60...
00:12:25 According to this, he hasn't got it yet.
00:12:28 Here it is. 1,760 divided by 25 gives us 70.4.
00:12:33 - 70.4? - Yes.
00:12:35 - That's nearly 80 miles an hour. - All right.
00:12:38 Ask him for his licence.
00:12:40 - I want to see your licence. - I haven't got a licence.
00:12:44 - I said I haven't got a licence. - He hasn't got a licence.
00:12:47 Ask him for his insurance.
00:12:49 - Let me see your insurance certificate. - I'm not insured.
00:12:52 - You haven't got a licence or an insurance? - No.
00:12:55 He hasn't got a licence or an insurance.
00:12:58 Oh.
00:13:00 It's a lucky thing for you. You've just saved your bacon.
00:13:03 - You mean I can go? - I can't endorse your licence if you haven't got one.
00:13:07 - Next time, bring one with you. - Yes.
00:13:10 - If you ask me, it's a waste of time. - Who's wasting time?
00:13:21 - Ten minutes to work out a simple sum. - It isn't a half full. It's a post.
00:13:25 - What's the matter? Too clean? - No. They're 220 yards apart.
00:13:29 - What's that got to do with it? - 60 seconds in a minute.
00:13:32 - 60 into 220 won't go. - That's right.
00:13:35 - 240 is four. - Four?
00:13:38 - Four times a minute. - That seems very often.
00:13:42 You don't understand. If we move that post a bit, it's easy to divide.
00:13:47 Why didn't you say so?
00:13:50 - Oh, God! Put some beef in it. - I had put beef in it.
00:13:56 - Oh, oh, oh! - There it is.
00:13:59 We'll step it out 20 yards and you bring the post with you.
00:14:03 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
00:14:10 - Hey, another car coming. - No arguments this time.
00:14:14 - We'll all agree to do it in 60. - Right.
00:14:17 - Drop your handkerchief. - I haven't got a handkerchief.
00:14:21 Drop your sleeve or whatever you use.
00:14:24 - We can't put this. - Put it anywhere.
00:14:30 - Stick it there. - Yes, of course.
00:14:33 - One sticky... - Stick it... Never mind. Hold it.
00:14:37 - What's the meaning of this? - Have you got a licence?
00:14:57 - Of course I've got a licence. - You have?
00:15:00 Then you're for it. You were doing 60 miles an hour.
00:15:03 - I was doing what? - 60.
00:15:05 Absolute nonsense.
00:15:07 - What was this man doing? - Sticking there.
00:15:11 You have the evidence to tell me...
00:15:14 - What's that? Oh, a policeman. - Yes.
00:15:17 - I must be going mad. What's he doing with that? - That's evidence.
00:15:21 - Evidence, right. - Quiet, quiet.
00:15:23 - Truly... truly... truly... - Truly rubbish.
00:15:27 - As I thought. Drunk as well. All right, boys.
00:15:30 - I warn you, anything you say will only make it worse.
00:15:33 - The handcuffs are a little... - Leave him to me.
00:15:36 - Hey! Stop throttling my customer, will you?
00:15:39 - Oh, I see. Resisting arrest, eh?
00:15:42 All right, boys. Leave him be.
00:15:45 - Just go in. - Go on. Get in and drive him to the station.
00:15:49 - I'll tell you something. - What?
00:15:51 - He wasn't going very fast. - Fast or slow, the law's the law.
00:15:55 Go on.
00:15:57 - We've got a case at last. You search him? - Yep.
00:16:06 One pocketbook, one watch, one penknife and no money.
00:16:09 - One penknife and no what? - No money.
00:16:11 - Come on, turn out your pockets. - Oh, all right.
00:16:14 One penknife and 15 bob.
00:16:16 - Will you never learn to be honest? He's as much our prisoner as yours.
00:16:20 - Yeah, five bob each.
00:16:22 - Let's see what his name is. - You got anything inside?
00:16:25 - Oh. - What's inside?
00:16:36 - What's the matter? - We've only pinched the chief constable.
00:16:42 - That's all. - That's an itch, ain't it?
00:16:44 We've got to get him out of that cell before he comes to.
00:16:47 When he wakes up, we'll pretend we're surprised he's here.
00:16:50 We'll ask him how he got here.
00:16:52 I know. He said something with his car. Tell him it's been an accident.
00:16:56 - There will be one. - Don't be silly.
00:16:58 After a plough on a head like that, he won't know what's happened.
00:17:01 - Where are you going? - I'm going to fix the accident.
00:17:04 (Footsteps)
00:17:06 (Gunshots)
00:17:14 Hey!
00:17:20 Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?
00:17:23 - I'm kicking the front of the car in. - Hey, wait.
00:17:26 You're seriously doing that? That won't look like an accident.
00:17:29 You want to drive it into something?
00:17:31 - That's an idea. - Hurry up. It'll come to any minute.
00:17:34 - Where's the starter? - It's that little knob over there.
00:17:37 - Hey, come out. Let me do it. - Oh.
00:17:39 You're switching on the lights. There's the self-starter.
00:17:42 (Gunshot)
00:17:44 - Oh! Look at my samples. - Why didn't you tell me you'd left it in gear?
00:17:50 You didn't give me time to tell you anything.
00:17:52 Huh? Anyway, they can't say there hasn't been an accident.
00:17:55 (Groans)
00:17:59 (Groans)
00:18:01 Oh, are you feeling better now, sir?
00:18:08 You scoundrels. I'll have the lot of you in jail for this.
00:18:14 - He's delirious. - Delirious? Why, I...
00:18:16 Take it easy, sir. You've had an accident.
00:18:19 What are you talking about? You assaulted me.
00:18:22 - That's right. - No, you've had an accident.
00:18:25 You were driving and you suddenly left the road and went to the shop next door.
00:18:29 - You impudent scoundrels. - If you don't believe us, come and have a look.
00:18:33 - Yes, come and have a look. - Come and have a look.
00:18:36 - You assaulted me on the high road. - We didn't.
00:18:39 We haven't been out all day.
00:18:41 You accused me of speeding and you know it.
00:18:44 - Hallucination. - Yes, that's what it is.
00:18:46 - Very common after an accident. - What?
00:18:48 - Especially a nasty one like this. - Look.
00:18:50 What have you done to my car?
00:18:52 Keep calm. It'll all come back to you.
00:18:55 It hasn't gone away from me yet.
00:18:57 You stopped me on the high road and accused me of being drunk.
00:19:00 - Pure hallucination. - Yes, hallucination.
00:19:02 Yes, hallucination. That's right.
00:19:04 You're trying to tell me I drove down this road and crashed my car into this shop?
00:19:08 - Exactly, sir. - I refuse to believe such outrageous nonsense.
00:19:11 - Oh, excuse me, but it's perfectly true. - What?
00:19:14 I was in the shop down the road and saw the whole thing.
00:19:17 - You did? - Who's this?
00:19:19 - A man from the squire. - You mean you substantiate his story?
00:19:22 - Definitely. - Well...
00:19:24 - You come with me. - Yes.
00:19:27 Thank you very much.
00:19:31 If there's anything in this outrageous story, how on earth do you explain this bump?
00:19:37 Might I suggest you hit your head on the windscreen?
00:19:40 I can't hit the windscreen with the back of my head.
00:19:43 Maybe you was in reverse.
00:19:47 You can't do this to me. I've been waiting at the crossways.
00:19:50 Shut up. This is the chief constable.
00:19:52 Oh, I didn't know you had a friend.
00:19:54 If you'd told me, I'd have brought Aggie.
00:19:56 - Who is this woman? - Emily, sir.
00:19:58 - What's she doing here? - She's my bird, sir.
00:20:00 - You what? - She's his bitch.
00:20:02 She's the parlour maid at the manor. Come on, Emily.
00:20:05 - Yes, sir. What about... - Just a minute, ma'am.
00:20:08 What is all this about?
00:20:13 Constable Brown wants to know if he can go to the pictures.
00:20:16 Certainly, Constable Brown can go to the pictures.
00:20:19 - You wouldn't like to go too, would you? - I went last Wednesday.
00:20:22 - And what about you? - I prefer the book by the fire.
00:20:25 - Oh, you do? - Good night, all.
00:20:27 - Good night. - Goodbye, what's-your-name?
00:20:29 - Ever since here. - Good night.
00:20:31 Bright little girl, isn't she?
00:20:33 Chief, what about a little drink?
00:20:35 - I'm sorry, they're not open yet. - I'll take the jug.
00:20:38 - Mrs Davis will let me have it. - What?
00:20:40 - She always does. - Good idea.
00:20:42 Would you prefer old and mild or bitter?
00:20:44 Stay where you are.
00:20:46 When I heard your broadcast, I thought it was incompetence.
00:20:49 I never thought it would be as bad as this.
00:20:51 A constable going to the pictures with a girl, getting drinks out of hours.
00:20:55 Is that the way to run a police station?
00:20:57 You call this a police force? How old are you?
00:20:59 - Forty-two. - You look more like 82 to me.
00:21:01 - That's the life he's led. - No, it isn't.
00:21:03 - It's through seeing it what done it. - Seeing what?
00:21:06 - The ghost. - What ghost?
00:21:08 The ghost of the headless horseman driving her. Horrible it was.
00:21:11 - And his teeth fell out. - Don't take any notice of him.
00:21:14 - He has hallucinations too. - But it's true.
00:21:17 - True. - Yes. And I'll tell you once more...
00:21:20 I wanted confirmation that this place is run by a pack of idiots.
00:21:23 The most inefficient and disorganised ramble to call itself a police force.
00:21:27 Apparently, you consider blundering incompetence,
00:21:30 scaring illegality and outrageous discourtesy
00:21:33 to be the normal manifestations of a policeman's duty.
00:21:36 You'll hear more of this...
00:21:39 (Glass shatters)
00:21:41 Oh, good-bye, dear customer. Good-bye.
00:21:44 Thank you for calling. Don't worry, we'll look after everything.
00:21:47 Yes. Well, go on, move along. There's something to see.
00:21:50 - All right. - Go on.
00:21:52 Oh, no. Now you've offended him.
00:21:58 What do you want to tell him a silly, idiotic, daft story like that for?
00:22:02 - Headless horseman. - There is an headless horseman.
00:22:05 - He's come down in the village. - Have you seen it?
00:22:08 What do you want to tell him about your tea-shopping?
00:22:11 I had to tell him something, otherwise he'd be looking up my birth certificate.
00:22:15 - What, the doomsday book? We'd better start packing. - Packing?
00:22:18 We might as well be ready for the boot when it does come.
00:22:21 - Are we leaving the dear old home? - Yes, we're going to be kicked out.
00:22:33 - That looks for good, does it? - We can't go out like that.
00:22:36 If only we could do something sensational, get the Daily Express behind us.
00:22:40 - I tell you what. - What?
00:22:42 - Couldn't you arrest someone for speeding? - I'm liable to be arrested for murder.
00:22:46 Look where it's got us. We've got to arrest some famous criminal.
00:22:49 - What criminals are they? - Guy Fawkes.
00:22:51 Oh, love it. Guy Fawkes. He's dead. He wasn't a criminal. He invented fireworks.
00:22:55 There must have been some crime here. Haven't we got any records?
00:22:58 - We've got the old charge books. - Let's go and have a look at those.
00:23:02 - Bring your bullseye with you. - Oh, I'll bring it.
00:23:05 - You see? - Yeah.
00:23:09 - A bit of a muddle down here. - I can tidy it up tomorrow.
00:23:16 What's the good of putting off till tomorrow what we can't be here to see?
00:23:20 - Where are your books? - Here they are.
00:23:22 - Try this one, shall we? - Yes.
00:23:29 - Oh! - Oh!
00:23:31 - Oh! - Oh!
00:23:33 - 1753. - That's going back a bit, isn't it?
00:23:38 - It is, yes. - Here's a crime. Highway robbery.
00:23:41 - That's no good. That's legal now. - Is it?
00:23:44 Yes. Daniel Gould was convicted of sheep stealing.
00:23:48 - What did he get? - Sentenced to be hurdled, hanged, drawn and quartered.
00:23:52 - Blimey. - Phew!
00:23:54 George Connachie. Did Slay Kill and willfully murder his wife by throwing her off a cliff.
00:24:00 - What did they do to him? - He was fined four and sixpence.
00:24:03 - That don't seem right, do it? - I'm sorry, my mistake. Fourteen and sixpence.
00:24:09 There, swear in it.
00:24:11 Larceny, piracy, treason, resisting the press gang, whistling in church.
00:24:18 These are no good to us. Have you got some other books somewhere else?
00:24:21 - Something on up-to-date crime? - I've got some Sexton Blakes in the shop library.
00:24:25 - You have? - Yes.
00:24:27 Why don't you say so instead of wasting our time down here? Let's have a look at them.
00:24:31 They might give us an idea if nothing else.
00:24:34 - Here, you've got a customer, sir. - Oh, good evening.
00:24:37 - Good evening, Sergeant. - Anything wrong?
00:24:40 Well, yes, sir. In a way. You see, it's like this.
00:24:44 My brother Alfred, he's a lighthouse keeper.
00:24:47 And this morning he had to go off on his month's duty in the lighthouse. See?
00:24:52 - Yes, yes, I see. - And he didn't want to go.
00:24:55 And why didn't he want to go?
00:24:58 Go on, I'll buy it. Why didn't he want to go?
00:25:01 Because of our poor old grandmother.
00:25:04 She's been ailing for years now, poor soul.
00:25:08 And now she's open at death's door.
00:25:12 But as I says to Alf, duty's duty.
00:25:15 - And the lighthouse must be lit. - Oh, yes, of course.
00:25:19 Then suddenly I gets an idea.
00:25:22 - How about a signal, I says to Alf? - Yes.
00:25:25 - What did Alf say? - Alf says if you could do that, I'd be easy in my mind.
00:25:30 - All right, I says. - You says.
00:25:33 I says, I'll hang up a light where you can see it from the lighthouse.
00:25:37 And while that there light's still burning, you'll know our gun is still with us.
00:25:41 That's a good idea.
00:25:43 I thought maybe you wouldn't mind if I put it up on top of the tower here
00:25:47 so that Alf can see it. This being the highest point hereabouts.
00:25:51 Oh, by all means. If anything happened to the old lady, I'd never forgive myself.
00:25:56 - Up the stairs till you come to the top. - Thank you, Sergeant.
00:26:08 - What's the matter with you? - I'm thinking about his poor old grandmother.
00:26:13 Out there alone in a lighthouse.
00:26:16 Why don't you listen? His grandmother's not in the lighthouse.
00:26:20 She's hovering round death's door.
00:26:22 He's putting that light up there so his brother will know his grandma's light's not been put out.
00:26:27 I don't know how I can thank you for this, Sergeant.
00:26:32 Oh, that's all right. Anything in the cause of charity.
00:26:35 - Here's a box. - Oh, there's no need for you to give anything.
00:26:39 Half a clump. We'd have done it for nothing, you know.
00:26:43 That's all right. Good night, Sergeant.
00:26:46 Good night.
00:26:48 I was thinking about his poor old grandmother.
00:26:53 - You only want a sentence. - Do I? I imagine you've got it.
00:26:56 We'll go and look at your section.
00:27:01 - Come on. Where's the crime section? - Here.
00:27:04 "Dauntless Desmond or the mystery of the blood-stained sheet."
00:27:08 That's a hot one. You want to read page 34. Where is the loan with her?
00:27:12 - In the work? - In the office.
00:27:14 - You mean office. - No, I don't.
00:27:16 In the oasis. That means you had a date with her.
00:27:19 "Dauntless Desmond." Should be "Dirty Dick."
00:27:22 While you've been playing footy, we've reached a crisis.
00:27:25 - You'd reached that before I went out. - If we don't find some crime before tomorrow, we're out.
00:27:30 You've got a shelf full of crime.
00:27:32 Bill the body-snatcher, Sam the smuggler, Cop...
00:27:35 - Smuggling. - There's your crime.
00:27:37 - Smuggling? - We'll catch some smugglers.
00:27:40 - Where do we find them? - We don't find them.
00:27:43 We stage a smuggle. We put a keg of brandy on the beach and find it with witnesses.
00:27:47 - What good does that do us? - They'll have to keep us here until we find the smugglers.
00:27:51 How can we find smugglers if there aren't any? We haven't got any brandy either.
00:27:57 - I've got some brandy. - What are you doing with brandy?
00:28:00 - I keep it in case I get too thankful. - Too thankful? You'll get gummy.
00:28:04 - Don't waste time. Don't get the brandy. - Wait a minute. Who's in charge here?
00:28:08 - You were, but you got the bullet. - I got nothing of the kind.
00:28:11 The bullet may be on the way, but until it lands, you'll take orders from me.
00:28:14 - I've nothing to do with it. It's not safe. - Please yourself.
00:28:17 - Come on, Joey. We want to keep our jobs. - You're going to defy me and go through with it?
00:28:21 - Certainly. - What about me?
00:28:23 - You can help if you like. - Thank you very much. And what do I do?
00:28:26 We put the keg of brandy on the beach and go for a witness.
00:28:29 - Who puts the keg of brandy on the beach? - You and Harbottle.
00:28:32 - I suppose you go and get the witness. - It's all right, isn't it?
00:28:35 No, it isn't all right. You put the brandy on the beach and I'll go and get the witness.
00:28:39 - There's a storm coming up, Uncle Terry. - You're telling me.
00:28:48 All right.
00:28:50 Put it down there.
00:28:54 (Sighs)
00:28:56 - What's your name and address? - Saffron Row, Six Fishermen's Cottages.
00:29:03 All right. You'll be hearing from us officially.
00:29:06 - Thank you very much. - Good night.
00:29:09 - There's a... - I know. There's a storm coming up.
00:29:21 Hello? Hello?
00:29:23 Give me a door, Mr 666. I want the chief constable. This is very urgent.
00:29:27 Hello? Hello? Come on.
00:29:30 Look, I know I'm in a hurry. This is very important.
00:29:33 I don't care if the chief constable is in bed. Get him out of bed. I want to talk to him at once.
00:29:38 What are you two trying to do? Spoil everything?
00:29:40 - One what? - One keg of brandy.
00:29:42 - What are you talking about? - Chief constable? All right, I'll hang on.
00:29:45 - What are you ringing the chief constable up for? - To tell him about the keg of brandy.
00:29:49 - We haven't taken it down yet. - What?
00:29:52 - We haven't taken it down yet. - We couldn't lift it, so we've been emptying it.
00:29:56 What are you babbling about? I've just brought the keg of brandy to the beach.
00:30:00 - You couldn't have done. - Well, there it is.
00:30:03 - Blimey, another one. - That's it, itch.
00:30:05 - What, you mean to tell me that... - Hello? Hello?
00:30:08 It's the chief constable. Now what?
00:30:10 You rang him up, you think, or something.
00:30:13 Oh, um, is that... is that term bother Mr LRP's department?
00:30:17 What? Oh, I didn't... Oh, wrong number. I said that.
00:30:20 - Oh. - Big drum. Good stuff, too.
00:30:23 Yeah, well, you leave that alone. It doesn't belong to you.
00:30:26 - Who does it belong to? - That's what we're going to try and find out.
00:30:29 - You sure you didn't put that one on the beach? - Yeah.
00:30:32 We've only got one keg, and there it is.
00:30:35 - Where'd the other one come from? - It's been washed up by the sea.
00:30:38 What does it matter what it was washed up by? Did it do justice?
00:30:41 - Does it affect our story? - If it doesn't belong to anybody, let's drink it.
00:30:44 - What will that get us? - A good booze-up. - Yeah, a good booze-up.
00:30:47 All our plans mucked up. We cast our bread upon the waters,
00:30:50 and back comes a keg of rum that we don't want.
00:30:53 Get three glasses.
00:30:56 Oh! It's gold!
00:30:59 (Screams)
00:31:01 - What was that? - Perhaps it was the wind.
00:31:04 (Screams)
00:31:06 - That wasn't the wind, anyway. - No, there's someone at the door.
00:31:10 (Screams)
00:31:12 - (Knock on door) - Go on, let her in.
00:31:15 - You do it. You're in charge. - Open that door.
00:31:18 - Not me. - Early closing. Shop back.
00:31:20 You can't be shop back in an emergency like this.
00:31:23 She's stopped. Perhaps she's gone home.
00:31:26 Tell me the dictate. She wouldn't stop a lull like that.
00:31:29 - Maybe she's come to the wrong house. - Open the door and have a look.
00:31:32 - Hey, why are we...? - Come on.
00:31:41 Help! Oh! Oh! Oh, dear!
00:31:44 Help! Help! Help! Police! Police!
00:31:47 Shut up, you old idiot! We are the police.
00:31:50 Blimey! It's Emily.
00:31:53 I better feel her heart. She's my bird.
00:31:56 - Jerry, fetch me some water. - She's not offended.
00:31:59 - (Groans) - She's coming round.
00:32:02 Oh, Albert! Albert! I feel it! I feel it!
00:32:06 - What have you been showing this poor girl? - I don't know what she's talking about.
00:32:10 She was all right when she left me. Here she comes again.
00:32:13 - Oh, I was horrible. - It's all right. Get a chair.
00:32:17 That's all right. You're in good hands now. Sit down.
00:32:20 There. That's right.
00:32:22 Would you care to make a statement? Just exactly what happened?
00:32:25 Well, I... I baited the pictures with Albert in the police car.
00:32:29 I see. You baited pictures with Constable Brown in bus.
00:32:34 Then I went home. All of a sudden, I remembered a letter I had to post.
00:32:38 I got on my bicycle to go to the pillbox.
00:32:41 - Just as I got to the five crossways... - Were you assaulted?
00:32:44 - No. - What a pity. We could have taken the steps.
00:32:47 I just got to the five crossways when all of a sudden,
00:32:51 galloping towards me, there was a nurse with no head.
00:32:54 - A what? - A driver had no head.
00:32:56 There was a nurse with an headless horseman.
00:32:59 - There, there. Come here. - She been going out with you two?
00:33:02 - No. - How did she get the same story?
00:33:05 - It's true. I saw it. - Poor kid. Feeling better?
00:33:08 - Yes, I'm OK now. - I'd better get the police car out.
00:33:11 - Leave us here by ourselves? - We'll all take a home.
00:33:14 - Frightened? - Certainly not.
00:33:16 I'm sick of the young lady's reputation. Come on, my dear.
00:33:33 - Hello, me. - Okey-doke, Sergeant. Thanks for the buggy ride.
00:33:37 - Goodnight. - Goodnight.
00:33:39 - Goodnight, Toots. - Goodnight, honey.
00:33:41 - Goodnight. - Goodnight.
00:33:43 Come on, Toots. Turn around and step on it.
00:33:46 Wait a minute. The water rally's not here.
00:33:49 Goodnight, honey. Goodnight.
00:33:51 (YAWNS)
00:33:59 It must be about one o'clock.
00:34:01 I haven't been out so late since my father got married.
00:34:04 - Eh? - Yes, his fourth wife.
00:34:06 - Oh, I see. - Here. Hope we don't meet that phantom hearse.
00:34:09 That's a lot of poppycock.
00:34:11 Whoever heard of a headless driver? Wouldn't be able to pass his tests.
00:34:15 Still, Emily must mean something that scared her.
00:34:17 Maybe she saw her bottle through the window.
00:34:19 You can't believe all an hysterical girl can.
00:34:22 - What's the matter? What did you pull off? - Oh...
00:34:30 - It's the phantom hearse. - Phantom hearse?
00:34:32 It's a horse and cow with its tail out on top.
00:34:35 It's the phantom hearse, I tell you. Those are the phantom flames.
00:34:38 - Look at the driver's head! - What's the matter with his head?
00:34:40 - He ain't got one. - Don't talk to him. He's got his teeth.
00:34:43 - What are you worried about? It's not coming this way. - It's doing what it is doing.
00:34:47 Hey, put your light out. Give me on the glass bird. Let it go by.
00:34:53 Where's the bloody glass bird?
00:34:55 - Oh, he's gonna get us like that! - I'm not even the hearse. It's gotta be gloomy.
00:34:59 Put it in reverse.
00:35:01 Open the van again. Swim in quick. Come on.
00:35:16 - Oh, just made it. - I sure thought you should have kept your eyes on the road instead of talking so much.
00:35:23 Well, anyway, we needn't go any further. We give the flaming hearse a slip.
00:35:28 - Listen! Listen! - What's the matter?
00:35:40 - Oops! - Oops?
00:35:42 Blimey! It's Mulligan's idiot!
00:35:46 (Train whistle)
00:35:48 - See where it went? - No! Where did it go?
00:35:57 It went in the garage. If you'd kept your eyes open, you'd see where it went.
00:36:00 - It's done more to the ghosts than he is. - It's just gone through the doors.
00:36:03 - No, the doors opened and let it in. - Well, no, I haven't done.
00:36:06 - How do I know? - Perhaps they're ghost doors.
00:36:08 Ghost doors? I'll show you where they're ghosts or not. Come on, Oxygen.
00:36:12 (Groans)
00:36:14 Come on. Open up in the name of the Lord.
00:36:25 Come on. You're all the worse for it if you don't.
00:36:29 - What are you standing there for? - Don't they be afraid of?
00:36:32 Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. You pull on the one door and I'll pull on the...
00:36:35 - Ow! - Oh! Oh!
00:36:37 - Oh, what are you doing? - Oh!
00:36:39 (Groans)
00:36:42 - Oh! - That's funny. Where's he gone to?
00:36:45 He's gone right through and out the other side.
00:36:48 Gone through the other side? Don't be ridiculous.
00:36:51 - Why, this is a solid wall. - Do you know where we are?
00:36:54 - No. - This is the Squire's garage.
00:36:56 - Is it? - Let's knock him up and tell him.
00:36:58 - Tell him what? - We need the garage.
00:37:00 That's a bright idea, isn't it? Let's examine these walls properly.
00:37:03 Oh!
00:37:10 (Groans)
00:37:12 - Here! Here! I want to tell you something. Here! - What's the matter?
00:37:16 - I want to tell you something. - Yes?
00:37:18 There's only three of us and there's four shadows on the wall.
00:37:21 - Oh, yes. - Yes.
00:37:23 One, two, three, four...
00:37:25 - Oh! You're right, Jimmy. You're right. There's one over.
00:37:28 - I'll tell you something else. - What?
00:37:30 The old man hasn't got no ears.
00:37:32 - Oh! - Oh!
00:37:34 - Oh! Oh! - Oh!
00:37:38 - Oh! - Oh!
00:37:40 Oh! Oh!
00:37:42 You should believe me. I can see the A.D.S. and not the ground.
00:38:04 Don't be silly. It's nonsense. I expect a scientific explanation.
00:38:08 - Answer that phone. - Not me. It might be the headless horseman.
00:38:11 He hasn't got a head. How can he talk into a phone? Albert, you answer it.
00:38:15 Hello?
00:38:17 - It's the chief constable. - Good heavens.
00:38:20 Good evening, sir. I've been trying to get you for half an hour.
00:38:31 - What's the matter? - We've been out on a job.
00:38:34 - What sort of a job? - Tell him about the headless horseman.
00:38:38 - You think I should? - Of course. We've all seen it.
00:38:41 Remember that story that constable Harbottle told you about the ghost that made his teeth drop out?
00:38:46 Yes.
00:38:49 Yes.
00:38:51 Yes.
00:38:53 It's all your fault, that is.
00:38:55 Yes, I'm listening, chief.
00:38:57 Then stop giving me this preposterous bilge about ghosts.
00:39:01 - Do you realise there's smuggling in your district? - Smuggling?
00:39:04 Yes, we know all about that. Our witness must have been talking.
00:39:07 - We've got all the evidence. A whole keg full. - Keg full?
00:39:10 We've just been informed that boatloads have been smuggled in.
00:39:13 Boatloads? There must be real smugglers then. I mean others.
00:39:17 Now listen. One of His Majesty's revenue cutters in Mid Channel
00:39:20 has observed a light in the neighbourhood of Turn Bottom Round.
00:39:23 Yes. They believe this light's being used as a steering light for smugglers.
00:39:27 Oh. Oh, dear.
00:39:29 Albert, take this down.
00:39:31 From the east side of Drake's Seat to a point due north,
00:39:35 from Shoe Hill off Turn Bottom Round,
00:39:38 by north-east, west, by north.
00:39:41 Aye, aye, chap. Have you got all that?
00:39:43 - Any spell, aye, aye. - Listen, Albert, you get the ordnance man.
00:39:46 This is our big chance. If only we can stop that light and make an arrest, then he can't sack us.
00:39:50 - Here's a compass. - No telling where this will lead to.
00:39:53 - Might get us a promotion. - Here's a compass. It's ten minutes past.
00:39:56 That's all right. What do you mean, it's ten minutes past?
00:39:59 - How do we find where we are? - It's easy.
00:40:01 You point to north, to the north-west, and the north-east gives you south.
00:40:04 - That's all right. - Give me those bearings. I'll find it.
00:40:07 All right. Go on, then.
00:40:09 - There's the channel. - There's the north lock, isn't it?
00:40:12 - Yeah, there's the lock. If we bring a line from there... - Evening, all.
00:40:16 Oh, evening. Can I take my lamp down now, Sergeant?
00:40:19 - Down? Why, is Jo's grandmother... - Here.
00:40:23 Oh.
00:40:25 She's much better now.
00:40:27 Well, I'm glad about that, anyway.
00:40:29 You can find your own way up, can't you? We're very busy just now.
00:40:32 All right, I'll get inside.
00:40:34 - Who's that? - Coast Guard.
00:40:36 I've never seen him round here before. What's he want?
00:40:39 When you were out courting, he came out here and told us that this village was...
00:40:42 Oh, you mind your own business. Get on with your bearings.
00:40:45 - You found that light, sir? - Give us a chance. I've only just found Drake's seat.
00:40:48 Oh, here we are.
00:40:50 North by Point East. That brings us here.
00:40:53 North-east by Shoe Rock. That brings us here.
00:40:56 Yes, but what does it say where the lines intersect?
00:40:59 - It says the police station. - Police station?
00:41:02 Ha! Well, that's ridiculous, isn't it?
00:41:05 I mean, there's no lamp hanging...
00:41:08 Oh. There.
00:41:11 Didn't that bloke say something about fetching down a lamp?
00:41:14 - That's right. - Yes.
00:41:16 But it still had something to do with it.
00:41:18 That's for the fella on the lighthouse. His grandmother's ill.
00:41:21 As long as he can see that light, he knows his grandmother hasn't started to burn.
00:41:24 I mean, his grandmother hasn't put a... It's a signal for his grandmother.
00:41:27 - It sounds fishy to me. - Don't you start.
00:41:29 - Whose grandmother is she? - It's his brother Joe's grandmother.
00:41:32 - Well, who's Joe? - Joe's the fella on the lighthouse.
00:41:34 - I want to tell you something. - You won't tell us anything.
00:41:36 It's easy enough to check up. All we've got to do is find out whether his brother Joe really keeps a lighthouse.
00:41:40 I won't tell you what I was going to tell you.
00:41:42 All right, peevish. Come on, what is it?
00:41:44 I've lived here 60 years and I've never seen a lighthouse.
00:41:47 - No, neither have I. - You haven't?
00:41:49 Why didn't you tell me that when we let him put the light up instead of crying your eyes out?
00:41:52 I was sorry for his poor old granny.
00:41:54 Sorry for his granny? If he hasn't got a lighthouse, how can he have a granny?
00:41:57 Well, I've got a granny, but I've never had a lighthouse.
00:41:59 Don't start.
00:42:01 Oh. What shall we do?
00:42:03 It's all right. Leave it to me. I'll deal with him.
00:42:06 - Good night, all. - Good night.
00:42:13 I thought you were going to deal with him.
00:42:16 - What do you expect me to do, arrest him? - Of course.
00:42:18 Let everybody know the light was on top of our police station. That's a bright idea.
00:42:21 - What are we going to do? - Now we know how it's worked, we can plant the light on someone else.
00:42:25 Look. Bring that line down here, you see, so that it puts the light on top of the pub.
00:42:30 Whoa!
00:42:34 It's a pebble. I wonder what they want to wrap it up for.
00:42:38 Give me that. Maybe a message on it.
00:42:42 Well, I like that. Fred Jackson Draper, turn bottom round.
00:42:46 I mean, Jackson advertising again.
00:42:48 Well, that window's going to cost him one of sixpence anyway.
00:42:50 - Wait a minute. There's something on the other side. - What?
00:42:53 "Keep your nose out of things that don't concern you.
00:42:57 "Dead men tell no tales. You have been warned."
00:43:00 What's that?
00:43:02 "Keep your nose out of things that don't concern you." Dead men tell...
00:43:05 - Well, what does that mean? - It couldn't be much plainer, could it?
00:43:08 Well, that's nonsense. They can't take notes. We're the police.
00:43:11 Besides, what could they do?
00:43:13 Supposing that pebble had been a bomb, eh?
00:43:16 Don't talk nonsense. This is England. They don't throw bombs here.
00:43:19 Shh! What is it?
00:43:22 - Can you hear a ticking sound? - No.
00:43:24 I can.
00:43:26 It's the clock. What's the matter with you?
00:43:29 - Well, it can't be the clock. It's got no works. - Well, what is it?
00:43:32 The bombs.
00:43:37 - I can only hear it faintly now. - Sounds really near to me.
00:43:40 Oh, I think it's in here.
00:43:43 I can hear it now. It's somewhere about here.
00:43:46 - It's on you. - Right.
00:43:50 - Ah! Ah! - Ah!
00:43:55 - What are you all hiding for? - What's up?
00:43:59 - I want to do with bombs. I'll let you in the ARP. Come on.
00:44:03 Here you go.
00:44:05 Oh!
00:44:07 There you are. That was a gallant deed. And you saw me do it.
00:44:17 There.
00:44:19 Hey, watches. Where did you get these?
00:44:28 - I picked that parcel up in the garage. - Ah. Swiss watches.
00:44:32 There'll be a duty on these. Supposing they were smuggled as well?
00:44:35 - The hearse isn't a ghost. - I'll tell you something else.
00:44:38 Don't you start. I'll find out where the hearse is gone.
00:44:41 There's far too much disappearing. First the keg, then the hearse.
00:44:44 - If we want him to disappear, we'd all be happy. - I wonder...
00:44:47 - Shut up. - I didn't want to hear about the lighthouse.
00:44:50 I'll keep my secret to myself.
00:44:52 - I don't suppose we've missed anything. - It's about the hearse.
00:44:55 The legend says it has something to do with smuggling.
00:44:58 - Eh? What's that? - Tells you how it was done and where they came from.
00:45:01 - What is the legend? - It won't tell you.
00:45:04 Oh, come on. Copy it up.
00:45:06 - It's in rhyme. - All right.
00:45:09 "When the tide runs low in the devil's cove
00:45:12 "And the headless horseman is seen above
00:45:14 "He drives along with his wild aloe Lickety-spit, lickety-spit."
00:45:18 "Lickety-spit, lickety-spit."
00:45:20 I put that bit in because I forgot the last line.
00:45:23 Try and remember it. It contains the clue.
00:45:25 It's no good. That's why I put the spit in.
00:45:28 Here. "As he drives along with the wild aloe
00:45:31 "And into the garage the whole lot go."
00:45:33 Into the garage. You might as well say,
00:45:35 "They got in the garage cos they couldn't stop flibberdy-flop, flibberdy-flop."
00:45:39 No, that's not it.
00:45:41 - Does anybody know this last line? - Yes. There's one man.
00:45:44 - Who? - My father.
00:45:46 - Your father? - Yes.
00:45:48 - He's not the fellow that drives the hearse? - No.
00:45:51 - How good would your father be? - We can get in communication.
00:45:54 - By rapping on a table? - No, rapping on his door.
00:45:57 - You're telling me you've got a father living? - Yes.
00:46:00 What do they hold the old fellow together with? Wire?
00:46:03 - Where is this ancient... - Up along Turn Bottom West.
00:46:06 Come on, we're gonna meet Adam.
00:46:08 Who is it?
00:46:21 Only me, Daddy.
00:46:23 Well, don't stand over there.
00:46:25 Come over here, where I can see you.
00:46:28 It's you, is it? What are you doing here? School broken up?
00:46:39 Here! Who are you?
00:46:41 - I'm Sergeant Dudford of the local police. - Oh, copper, eh?
00:46:44 What's the young rascal been up to? Breaking windows again?
00:46:47 Breaking windows? What, at his age?
00:46:49 Takes him all his time to break the bread to put in his milk.
00:46:52 What do you want to wake me up for?
00:46:55 - Well, it's like this, Dad... - Oh, you shut up, I'll tell him.
00:46:58 You see, it's like this, Dad. We want your advice.
00:47:01 Yes, we want to know the last line of an old rhyme.
00:47:04 Oh, I know lots of old rhymes.
00:47:07 Yes, I'll bet you do. But it's not one of those.
00:47:10 Now listen.
00:47:12 "When the tide runs low in the smuggler's cove
00:47:14 "And the headless horseman's seen above
00:47:16 "As he drives along with a wild hello
00:47:18 "Something, something, something, oh!"
00:47:20 - Now, do you remember it? - Yes, I remember it.
00:47:23 "When the tide runs low in the smuggler's cove
00:47:26 "And the headless horseman's seen above
00:47:28 "As he drives along with a wild hello..."
00:47:31 Yes?
00:47:34 What's the last line?
00:47:36 Why, you silly old...
00:47:38 You old gentleman, that's what we come to you for.
00:47:41 Oh, come on, Daddy, try and think.
00:47:43 Don't tell him. I've got it on the tip of my tongue.
00:47:46 Stick your tongue out. Let's have a look at it.
00:47:49 "Something, something, something, oh!
00:47:51 "He drives along with his wild hello..."
00:47:53 We've had all that.
00:47:55 What we want is the "something, something, something, oh!"
00:47:58 - Oh. - Oh, look, listen.
00:48:00 Take your mind back. Forget all about what happened lately.
00:48:03 Don't worry about balaclava.
00:48:05 Listen. "As he drives along with a wild hello..."
00:48:08 I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!
00:48:11 "As the tide runs low in the smuggler's cove
00:48:14 "And the headless horseman is seen above
00:48:16 "He drives along with his wild hello
00:48:19 "That's the time when the smugglers go out in their little boats to the schooner
00:48:23 "And bring back the kegs of brandy and rum
00:48:25 "And put 'em in the devil's cave below."
00:48:28 - See? - See what?
00:48:30 - That's the last line. - The...
00:48:32 That doesn't even rhyme.
00:48:34 Oh, yes, it does. Now, listen.
00:48:37 "As he drives along with his wild hello
00:48:40 "That's the time when the smugglers go out in their little boats to the schooner
00:48:43 "And bring back the kegs of brandy and rum
00:48:45 "And put 'em in the devil's cave below."
00:48:47 See?
00:48:49 - Is that the line you couldn't remember? - That's right.
00:48:52 Blimey, I'm not surprised.
00:48:54 Yes, it's made me feel quite hoarse.
00:48:56 I think I'll have a go. Have one?
00:48:58 Yes, made me hoarse listening to you. I'll have a black-coloured.
00:49:01 - Ah, black-coloured! - What's the matter?
00:49:03 - They're very nice. Don't you like them? - No! I must put 'em back.
00:49:06 "Devil's cave below."
00:49:10 Below what?
00:49:12 - Below the cliff. - Cave below the cliff? I've never seen any cave.
00:49:15 Ah, that high water it's covered up.
00:49:17 You never look when the tide's out.
00:49:19 I've been there hundreds of times.
00:49:21 - Oh, what for? - Smuggling.
00:49:23 What?
00:49:25 - You come of a nice family, don't you? - Come on, the tide's low now.
00:49:28 If we hurry, we might catch the smugglers red-handed.
00:49:30 Oh, no, you won't. They'd never find the channel.
00:49:33 - Oh, why not? - Because the light they used to steer by
00:49:36 doesn't hang there any more.
00:49:38 That's what you think. Kiss your daddy goodnight and we'll go.
00:49:41 No, don't go anywhere. Stop and have a cup of tea.
00:49:44 Ma! Ma!
00:49:46 Hey, you don't mean to tell me you've got a mother? Has he?
00:49:49 No, that's his wife. He married again in '96.
00:49:51 Oh, I see. Calf love, eh?
00:49:53 Yes, well, go on, we haven't any time for tea.
00:49:55 - Aren't you going to see the old lady? - Not likely.
00:49:58 I'll stand for Adam, but I'm bloody well stand for Eve.
00:50:01 Goodnight, Daddy.
00:50:03 Come on.
00:50:07 Hurry up. Get 'em in. The tide will be in in half an hour.
00:50:10 Well, here's the cove, but, uh, where's the cave?
00:50:31 Oh, there it is.
00:50:36 Oh!
00:50:38 I wonder why we've never seen this place before.
00:50:41 - First time I've been this far. - That's a nice admission to make.
00:50:44 This is part of your beat.
00:50:46 Oops.
00:50:48 - Go on, get your boots off. - Go paddling in November.
00:50:53 - Not me. - Do you realise this is your superior officer talking?
00:50:56 Yeah, talking a lot of bilge.
00:50:58 You can go in with your boots on or your boots off, but you're going in anyway.
00:51:02 - I'll catch a cold. - It's too loud.
00:51:04 - I can't hear you. - It's too loud.
00:51:06 - Hey, look here. - Look here.
00:51:08 What's this?
00:51:11 - It's rum. - There's two.
00:51:15 - There's some more over there. - We're on the right track.
00:51:18 Yes, well, get that out of the water and put it up there.
00:51:21 That's another little bit of evidence for you.
00:51:24 - I thought you said there was no lighthouse here. - That's not a lighthouse.
00:51:29 It's a revenue cutter.
00:51:31 - Are you sure they're policemen? - They've got police uniforms on and they're running a cargo.
00:51:35 If that isn't a keg of liquor they're carrying, I'll eat my hat.
00:51:38 Give me those glasses.
00:51:40 - What do they want? - Probably looking for the smugglers.
00:51:43 - Are they? - Interfering.
00:51:45 They are smugglers, but we're going to get them first.
00:51:48 Follow me.
00:51:57 Hey, do you realise the police station's on the highest point around here?
00:52:01 I'll bet that's where that light was.
00:52:03 Tell Jones' radio dorm it's to police immediately.
00:52:06 - Johnson. - Sir?
00:52:08 - Lower the starboard boat. - Sir.
00:52:10 Don't you think we'd better turn back now? It's getting a bit deep here.
00:52:14 Deep? Your feet are still touching the bottom.
00:52:17 - It's all right for you. You're taller than me. - Hang on to our spaces. Stop moaning.
00:52:21 You'd better keep your chins up here. It dips a bit.
00:52:26 Bit cold.
00:52:28 - Our bottle's stopped moaning. How is he? - He's all right. He's hanging on to my waist.
00:52:40 He's underwater! Get him up out of there!
00:52:43 What are you doing down there, you chump?
00:52:46 Oh, that's probably bad. Five gallons of water.
00:52:49 It's a pity you didn't swallow some more. You'd have made it shallower.
00:52:53 - I'm cold, of course. - Cold? Don't push me under.
00:52:56 Up you go. Now, you carry... What's the matter?
00:52:59 - Shrimp. - Shrimp?
00:53:01 Carry this lamp. That'll give you something to do.
00:53:04 All right.
00:53:06 - Now, follow me. - Oh, boy.
00:53:08 It's Patrol Boat D6. They're reporting smuggling in Devil's Cave.
00:53:11 Why don't they get in touch with the local police station?
00:53:14 - Sounds incredible, sir. - They think the local police are working in with the smugglers.
00:53:18 - What? - Ridiculous.
00:53:20 - Where's Devil's Cave? - Turn bottom round.
00:53:23 - Turn bottom round? - I might have known.
00:53:25 - Call out the squad car. - Yes, sir.
00:53:27 Tell them to have some men down there.
00:53:29 Oh, come on. How can I hurry up with the old man in the sea on me back?
00:53:34 Here, let's go out. We'll swim for it.
00:53:37 Now you won't have to swim for it. It won't get any deeper than this.
00:53:41 Oh, no!
00:53:43 - Here you are. - I didn't swim, I sunk.
00:53:46 - The landing stage. - Oh, yes.
00:53:48 - They've been doing a bit of landing there, too, haven't they? - Oh, yes.
00:53:52 Oh, look, there's a tunnel here. Now we shall find out where they are.
00:54:00 There's another tunnel there. They might have gone either way.
00:54:03 I wonder what's in all these.
00:54:07 - Oh, Bernie. - Rub.
00:54:11 Gin. Oh, look.
00:54:13 There's a lot more.
00:54:15 - Perhaps somebody's going to open a pub. - Who are they going to sell the stuff to?
00:54:19 Mermaids? There's a tunnel here and there's a tunnel there.
00:54:22 We'd better toss up and see which one we'll take.
00:54:25 - We don't go home till we've found the smugglers. - Give me a penny.
00:54:28 - I haven't got one. - In the money box.
00:54:30 - We can't toss up with it. - Hey!
00:54:32 Cigarette? Still burning, too.
00:54:35 - Ooh, turkeys. - Hey, don't smoke it.
00:54:39 - That's a clue. This proves they've gone this way. - Yeah.
00:54:42 All right, come on off.
00:54:44 (Footsteps)
00:54:46 - Boots, boots, boots! - Yes!
00:54:51 Come on, put some beef in it.
00:54:53 (Grunts)
00:54:55 - Oh. Well, we're getting somewhere anyway. - I thought those stats would never end.
00:55:01 - Oh. - Ooh, I say.
00:55:03 - Hey, look at all these barrels here. - It looks as if we struck a beer mine.
00:55:07 - Have you ever heard of a beer mine? - I don't know. You say mine's a beer.
00:55:11 - Yours'll be a thick ear if you don't shut up. - Here, there's a box of candles.
00:55:15 That's a funny thing to smuggle. There's no duty on candles?
00:55:18 Perhaps they come from abroad. They may be Roman candles.
00:55:21 - I wonder what's in that crate. - Ooh, soap.
00:55:23 - Soap? How do you know? - Mine comes in a case like this.
00:55:26 - I'd better look at the soap's camouflage. - No, it isn't. It's castile.
00:55:30 - Look, there's a label on the side. - It's so alive.
00:55:33 - Hey, it's got your name on it. - Has it?
00:55:36 - Yes. - What's it doing down here?
00:55:38 - I'd like to know. - So would I.
00:55:40 Ooh, look. Here. This is the box I keep my tapioca in.
00:55:44 - Somebody must have raided our cellar. - Yeah, it looks like it.
00:55:47 What? Raided our cellar? Can't you see where we are?
00:55:51 - We're in our cellar. - Oh!
00:55:54 - Ooh, so we are. - There's impudence.
00:55:56 I like that, storing the stuff in our own cellar.
00:55:59 - They're not going to get away with that. - No, they're not.
00:56:02 - I say, we'll fill the stuff and teach them a lesson. - Get ten years.
00:56:06 No fear. We're going to phone the Chief Constable.
00:56:09 Hello? Hello? Get me door, Mr 666. Chief Constable.
00:56:25 Yes, this is urgent. Let's see what evidence we've got.
00:56:28 - We've got all that stuff in the cellar. - And the Turkish fag end.
00:56:31 Oh, the Turkish fag end. Yes, I forgot that.
00:56:34 Not many people smoke that kind of cigarette. It's easy to trace.
00:56:38 - Cigarette? - Oh, the squire. You gave me quite a shock.
00:56:44 That's funny. You smoke the same kind of cigarettes as our clue does.
00:56:48 - So it seems. - That's lucky. You may be able to help us.
00:56:51 - You think I might? - Yes.
00:56:53 This is going to come as a shock to you, but there's smuggling going on.
00:56:57 - I know. - What, you mean you know who it is?
00:57:00 - Yes. It's me. - You?
00:57:03 - You're joking. - No, I'm not.
00:57:05 I'd advise you to keep your nose out of it. It'll be healthier for you.
00:57:09 Healthier? Oh.
00:57:11 You mean that all this is...
00:57:14 - Oh, dear. - What an itch!
00:57:16 - Hello? - That's the Chief Constable. I wouldn't answer if I were you.
00:57:20 Don't forget that the contraband is stored in your cellar
00:57:23 and that the light was hung on top of your police station.
00:57:26 Oh. I see his point.
00:57:29 Yes, well, I don't. It's against the law and I put my hands to the plough.
00:57:33 - And what? - Oh, well, I've taken them off again.
00:57:36 - Here, that's our evidence. - Shut up!
00:57:39 Hello. Yes, Danny?
00:57:41 It's the Chief. The lawyer's waiting in the 5-0 office.
00:57:44 Right. Then go and tell them we start loading at 1.
00:57:47 - Come on, come with me! - Get your hands up now!
00:57:52 - Clever boys. - Let me make it work for you.
00:57:55 - See how it goes, boys? - I'll get it, I'll get it.
00:57:58 - Get on with it. - Get on with it.
00:58:01 Hey! What's the idea of this?
00:58:04 - All right, get a move on. - Goodbye, sir.
00:58:07 Goodbye, Dadford. I don't suppose we'll see each other again.
00:58:10 - Right. - Danny!
00:58:12 - Hurry up. - I'll get you with this.
00:58:15 You see, my dear? You can't get away with this!
00:58:18 I'll get you 10 years in jail! I know you by sight and you by words.
00:58:22 You won't be long before I look you all through bars.
00:58:25 - Right. - Hurry up, boys.
00:58:28 - Chief! Chief! - Yes, what is it, Harry?
00:58:31 The rebels are onto us! They're ready for the cave!
00:58:34 Quick, boys, take all you can. We'll have to leave the rest.
00:58:37 - Oh, boys, how'd you lick that gutsy... - Shut it! Stop it! Wait a minute.
00:58:49 - What do you want to take the key for? - I couldn't help it. They were kneeling on me.
00:58:53 Do you realise what this means? We've got to go about fast together.
00:58:57 Look at that lot. They can't be far away.
00:59:05 Stick them on the second boat, Farby.
00:59:08 (Whistle)
00:59:33 - Have you any idea how to get out of here? - Take the bar out.
00:59:36 - Would you like me to bite through one? - No, the one we used as a poker.
00:59:41 - Which is it? - Here.
00:59:43 Oh, there we are! That's fine.
00:59:46 - I've got to go. - All right, go on.
00:59:52 - Take these. - Wait! Wait for me!
00:59:55 Come on.
00:59:58 Oh!
01:00:01 - Oh, go on. - Now we're going after them.
01:00:04 The five oaks coppers. Come on.
01:00:07 - Come on, clank it up. - Clank it up.
01:00:12 Come on.
01:00:15 Oh!
01:00:17 - Oh, corporate, can't you? I'd swing it unless you swing it too. - Go on.
01:00:22 That's it.
01:00:25 - You won't start unless you choke her. - How can we choke her when we're here?
01:00:29 - You can. - All right, I will.
01:00:32 Hey! Hey!
01:00:40 What are you trying to do, choke me, Ed?
01:00:43 Don't go to sleep there. Get in the car. Go on.
01:00:46 - Move over. - Here, wait for me.
01:00:54 We're not going to go. Get up.
01:00:57 (Squeaking)
01:01:00 Can't you run any faster? You're nearly pulling my arm off.
01:01:11 I'm only touching the ground. Now, Ed.
01:01:14 Well, when you do touch the ground, jump farther.
01:01:17 Why don't you jump on the running board?
01:01:24 - I can't run. - Well, jump on the bracket.
01:01:27 Oh! Oh!
01:01:30 They must all be mad.
01:01:33 Just in time, sir. There's a tunnel leading from the sea right into the cellar.
01:01:45 - It's packed with contraband. - Find out if Dudford's on the premises.
01:01:49 - Yes, sir. - Hey, pull up.
01:01:53 There they are.
01:01:56 Cool, look.
01:01:59 Well, this looks like the last trip, sir.
01:02:05 There's your headless horseman.
01:02:10 - Shall we fill in the hole? - No, tip the hearse to the quarry and scatter.
01:02:14 I'll get in touch with you boys later from London.
01:02:18 (Door opens)
01:02:21 (Door closes)
01:02:25 Hey, go on! Tail that lad!
01:02:30 The missing car is a black Morris, number FN8429.
01:02:41 There are three oncemen in it. Right.
01:02:44 - Goodbye. - Goodbye, sir.
01:02:47 - How do we get after it? - Keep the shirt on. We've another can.
01:02:53 Hop out and get it. Go on.
01:02:56 Come on.
01:03:00 Come on.
01:03:10 - What's that noise? - It's the radio. May as well have a bit of music.
01:03:14 Music? I don't think we've got enough on our minds.
01:03:17 - Oh, steady on. You'll make me spill it. - Why don't you use a funnel?
01:03:21 - I haven't got a funnel. - Use a bit of imagination. Here.
01:03:25 - There, use that. - Phew!
01:03:30 That's it.
01:03:32 - Calling all police patrols. - Who said that?
01:03:35 - It's a police message. - Keep watch for and stop black Morris tourer, number FN8429.
01:03:42 - Believe travelling towards London. - Oh, London Road. That's this road.
01:03:46 - Yeah. - If we keep our eyes open, we might catch them as well.
01:03:50 - I will repeat that. Car number FN8429. - You get that number?
01:03:56 Got it. We've had it all the time.
01:03:59 - Well... - Oh. I wonder what they want us for.
01:04:02 Probably they've heard about old Joe's grandmother.
01:04:05 - The car is driven by three wanted police officers. - Wait!
01:04:08 - Their arrest is essential. - Oh, dear.
01:04:11 - I will repeat that. - Don't bother. We heard you the first time.
01:04:14 - Get out of the way! - We can't use this car.
01:04:17 We'll shove it down the side road, then get a lift.
01:04:20 - Go on. - I'll steer it. Go on.
01:04:23 Shove off!
01:04:30 - Hey, look. They're coming. - Well, let's stop it.
01:04:33 - Keep an eye on it. - Yeah.
01:04:35 Quick!
01:04:37 - What have you got in that tin? - Only milk, sir.
01:04:44 - Milk? At this time of the morning? - I was delivered at this time, sir.
01:04:49 - It looks highly suspicious to me. - And to me.
01:04:53 - Me too. - Where's your milk book?
01:04:56 - My what, sir? - Your milk book.
01:04:58 - Where's the book you put your milk in? - I haven't got one, sir.
01:05:01 Oh! You haven't got a milk book?
01:05:03 You can't go around the country milking without a milk book.
01:05:06 - You go and get one immediately. - Yes, sir.
01:05:08 Leave your bicycle where it is. We'll look after that.
01:05:11 Off you go and run away.
01:05:14 (Helicopter whirring)
01:05:17 - A lorry ahead. Shall we question the driver? - No, we have time for that. Get in front of it.
01:05:36 Right, sir.
01:05:39 (Helicopter whirring)
01:05:42 There they are. Get down, Lowey. You can see the tail light.
01:05:49 That's not the problem. We'll never catch them at this speed.
01:05:52 Take your beard out of the milk.
01:05:55 - How many says stop? Put the brakes on. - I've got them on.
01:06:01 Now, throw her up. Come on. Put your feet on the ground.
01:06:04 - Oh, dear! - (Tires screech)
01:06:08 - Oh, dear! - Oh!
01:06:11 - Tell me what you've done! - It was your fault messing about with the handlebars.
01:06:15 Hear, hear! What's the idea?
01:06:17 Can't you see the signal? This'll cost you something.
01:06:21 I'll report you. I'll report you. See if I don't.
01:06:24 What are you moaning about, then?
01:06:26 Hey, look. Let's knock off this van.
01:06:29 Sure. Who is going to go about knocking off people's property?
01:06:32 Besides, there may be somebody in it.
01:06:34 - Frank? - Get in there. What are you arguing about?
01:06:37 - Hey! Hey! Hey! - I thought you said there was nobody in this.
01:06:49 I didn't see anyone.
01:06:51 - Here's a bit of fun. We're on a coffee stall. - Coffee stall?
01:06:55 - So it is. - I'm going to climb round and see if I can find any pork pies.
01:06:59 We've got to catch that Lowey. Don't try to worry about pork pies.
01:07:03 There's our Lowey.
01:07:05 Hey, there's a van tailing us, and it's got three coppers in it.
01:07:10 Behind me. It's stunned.
01:07:13 Take that next turning down to the left. We'll shake him off.
01:07:16 All right. We'll hold tight.
01:07:18 Go on, back up a bit. Back up.
01:07:24 They can't get away with that. He didn't even put his hand down.
01:07:28 (Engine rumbles)
01:07:30 Shaking him off yet?
01:07:35 - No. They're still after us. - All right, I'll turn you later.
01:07:41 - Hey, left honey? - Gone!
01:07:44 - What do you mean, gone? - They've left the road.
01:07:47 - What have you done? Driven up a tree? - They say you were following something.
01:07:50 Let's get inside and have a good go out. Maybe that wanted car will come by.
01:07:54 You know, the one they spoke of over the wireless. FN 8429.
01:07:57 FN 842... That's our own car, isn't it?
01:08:00 Remember we shoved it up a side road? FN 8429.
01:08:03 If you don't shut up, you'll be R.I.B. 82.
01:08:06 Go on, Albert.
01:08:21 Hey! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
01:08:24 - What's the idea of being asleep? - You don't even have to be asleep.
01:08:27 You don't sleep any time...
01:08:29 Hey, wake up, will you?
01:08:31 - Oh! - There you are.
01:08:36 You've ditched this now. Clever, aren't you?
01:08:39 I was driving all right while I was asleep. It's you waking me up.
01:08:42 You're having a bit of bad luck, aren't you?
01:08:45 Bad luck? I'm chained to it.
01:08:50 - How much longer? - OK, boss. We're all set now.
01:08:53 All right.
01:08:55 - Hey! There's our lorry! - Look! Come on!
01:09:11 (Squeaking)
01:09:13 Can't you give me a bit more room? I've never done one of these things before.
01:09:31 - This wasn't made for three people. - It wasn't made for one your size.
01:09:35 (Engine rumbles)
01:09:37 I hear there's a bus following us now.
01:09:45 It's got its damn foot again.
01:09:50 The stolen bus has just come by. Head in for the Weybridge Road.
01:10:02 Calling all cars. Wanted bus seen in Weybridge District. Proceed to that area.
01:10:07 The bus company never stops at the authorized places.
01:10:20 They queue up and then they run like sleazes.
01:10:23 - Go on! There's a green light! - I know! I'm not colourblind!
01:10:28 - The bus won't stop. - I know. We have to ring the bell.
01:10:31 - Yeah, that was not the bell. - (Laughs)
01:10:34 (Horn honks)
01:10:36 - Whoa, there! - Shut up! I've got as much light as you have!
01:10:47 What's he playing at?
01:10:49 - Get out of here! - Hey, what are you doing?
01:10:54 - What's the matter? Somebody behind us? - Someone behind us?
01:10:59 - We've got to pull out. - Yeah, I know.
01:11:02 - Hey, when did all those people come by? - They must have got on when we stopped.
01:11:07 Well, now they're on, they can stay on.
01:11:09 Wait till that conductor comes down. I'll lodge a complaint about this.
01:11:14 (Horn honks)
01:11:16 - Police! What am I doing? Stop? - No. Turn left!
01:11:35 (Horn honks)
01:11:41 (Horn honks)
01:11:43 - Hey, you're going a bit fast! - You're going the wrong way!
01:12:02 - You think it's all right to go to speed like that? Did anybody think it was a race? - No.
01:12:07 - I mean, you're right. It is a race, mate. - Oh, thank you.
01:12:11 - Oh, a car's coming! - Oh, no!
01:12:16 (Horn honks)
01:12:18 - Hey! - Oh, that was a near-meet one, wasn't it?
01:12:24 Get out of there, there, lorry!
01:12:28 Speed over! Turn left, that's our thing!
01:12:32 (Explosion)
01:12:34 - You had a nice laugh around, now you're caught in. - It's not as you want it to be!
01:12:53 - Don't let him get away!
01:13:01 - Oh, no, you don't! - Get those three clowns at once!
01:13:03 - Hey, hey, stop! This is the man you want! - Yes!
01:13:06 - He's got a bulletproof badge! - Right, right, there's cannons of it, raining all over the place!
01:13:11 - Fantastic! Are you accusing me of smuggling? - Yes, I am.
01:13:15 - Well, it's outrageous! You're the smuggler and you know it! - That's a fib! And he's always telling fibs!
01:13:19 - Shut up, you!
01:13:21 - I've seen you before somewhere, haven't I? - No.
01:13:24 - That's another fib, and I can prove it, too!
01:13:26 Remember the day when I knocked you on the head and kidded you you'd run your car into a shop window?
01:13:30 - Well, this is the fellow that came and backed us up and said it was an accident.
01:13:33 - So you admitted you were a flagguard? - Yes, but look what we've done since, caught the smugglers and everything.
01:13:37 - Arrest a lot of them! - Hey, wait a minute!
01:13:39 - You mean to tell me that you're after all? You've got a... - Well, hold...
01:13:42 - All right.
01:13:44 (roaring)
01:13:47 (roaring)
01:13:50 (roaring)
01:13:52 (roaring)
01:13:54 (roaring)
01:13:56 (dramatic music)
01:13:58 (dramatic music)