3 Added Minutes' Fantasy Five-A-Side takes an unusual turns as Jason and Matthew debate which Premier League mascots would be best at football. Would Fred the Red get the better of Moonchester? And would Gunnersaurus be any good up front?
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00:00 Right, next up, midfield maestro, arguably, arguably the most iconic Premier League mascot,
00:15 certainly one of the top three, I think it's fair to say. Fred the Red, Manchester United.
00:20 I think, you know, this fella, he is, he's like the Tiger Woods of mascottery, you know,
00:28 he's like the Mariah Carey of mascottery. He is just this looming, diva-ish, iconic
00:34 figure that it's really hard to look past. You know, I imagine quite a canny operator
00:41 as well, he's literally the devil. Famously, quite a canny operator is certain. So I think,
00:50 you know, when it comes down to it, what you're looking for is someone in the middle of the
00:54 park who can control things, who has more influence than Fred the Red. Again, he's the
00:58 devil. Someone who, you know, maybe has a handle on the dark arts, at the risk of repeating
01:03 myself Matt, he's the devil. I just think it's...
01:06 Hang on, I'm going to interrupt you here, because is he the devil or is he a devil?
01:11 Is he from some kind of world where there are multiple devils? Because he's, let's face
01:16 it, he's got this sort of cheeky, chappy smile thing going on. If I die and I wake up in
01:21 a fiery inferno of hell, and I see him standing over me, I'm going to assume my worst crime
01:26 was like stealing some sweets from a shop when I was a small child or something. It
01:31 doesn't look like he's tormenting like traitors or like murderers or anything, does it? He's
01:35 not... it's a bit too chirpy for that.
01:38 You know what they say though, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing
01:41 you that he's actually just a fluffy seven foot tall, anthropomorphic being. So, um,
01:47 I think we can get into semantics. He might not be the devil. I would still argue that
01:51 a devil is pretty bad. Um, and I, you know, it might not be the, the, the man himself,
01:58 but he's, you know, he's, he's certainly a demon of some sort. And I think on that basis
02:02 alone, um, and the fact that, like I said, he's just such an iconic operator, isn't he?
02:07 I think that for me, I'm going Fred the Red, um, but I'd be interested to see who you think
02:13 he could come up against. Well, largely for the sake of unneedlessly
02:19 setting up a Derby in these things to try and add some cross club tension, um, probably
02:24 unsuccessfully. I'm going to go with Moonchester. Um, now Moonchester is Manchester city's mascot.
02:30 He is, I assume he's not particularly clear. I think there's a female Moonchester that
02:35 goes with him. So I guess so, but he, they are an alien. Um, it's very unclear therefore
02:42 what their sort of their, their biology is, what their powers might be. Um, there's sort
02:47 of this weird children's TV show creation wandering around with one giant eye with one
02:53 weirdly square pupil. Um, yeah, I mean, look, I mean, we've got to be pretty speculative
02:59 in Manchester. We have years of theology and sort of, um, you know, Bible studies to determine
03:04 what the devil is capable of. We don't really know much about what an alien might be able
03:07 to do. He could be able to do absolutely anything. Um, he might have all sorts of weird powers.
03:12 He might be, you know, incredibly strong. He might have like, I don't know, laser hands
03:17 or something. I mean, it's who knows with anything's possible. And I, I just think,
03:22 um, look, Moonchester looks like he's got the sort of the form, the physical form, that
03:26 kind of quite that bit of bulk and heft, which says to me that it'd be pretty good at knocking
03:30 opposing, uh, you know, midfielders out of the way and getting on the ball. I will accept
03:34 that Fred the red, apart from being the devil or a devil does come on with a weapon. Um,
03:39 and I'm not sure I'm taking someone with a slightly big backside over someone wielding
03:44 a trident admittedly, but you know, I just don't think, you know, he might have a trident.
03:48 He might have the horns, he might have the little tail, but I just don't think Fred the
03:52 red Scott, that's sort of that bite in him. I don't think he could really use it. I think
03:55 he just sort of gently prod you with the trident rather than actually going at you. He just,
03:59 I don't see the malice. He's too cheeky.
04:01 I think the thing is Manchester, right? Two things. First of all, he could be an omnipotent
04:06 being or he could be a Howard the duck and just not really have anything going for him.
04:11 The other thing is that I'm going to use a sort of judo throw of logic against you. And
04:16 if we can't have captain blade on the basis that he's got one eye, we certainly can't
04:19 have a Cyclops alien. So it's kind of got to be Fred the red.
04:24 Yeah. I mean, we're in danger of inadvertently being slightly ableist against aliens and
04:29 pirates here, but yeah. All right. Fair enough. You can have Fred the red if only because
04:33 I have more things that I do or do just they can actually do.
04:36 [Music]