Nobody Knows Anything- SD

Windy Channel

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Transcript

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00:01:28 Behind these walls lay the broken dreams of men who are now confined.

00:01:32 Nah, too depressing.

00:01:35 Fade in. On a tree-lined street, two good-looking, attractive guys are...

00:01:41 Good-looking? Attractive?

00:01:43 Well, that's the same thing.

00:01:45 Why not tall, un-short guys?

00:01:48 Nah.

00:01:49 Give him something they've never seen before.

00:01:55 Edgy. Ow.

00:01:58 Different. Ow.

00:02:01 It's the action-packed, true story of how the search for the American dream goes dangerously awry.

00:02:11 I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go.

00:02:14 Hmm, not bad.

00:02:16 Gotta grab him in the first minute.

00:02:19 Hmm, maybe a little sex.

00:02:23 Nah, too obvious.

00:02:26 Cosmo says red is the power color for women, but it makes me look like a fire truck.

00:02:37 Hollywood. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

00:02:40 That's me, Sarah Wilder.

00:02:42 I just graduated from film school and now I'm in the real world.

00:02:46 Well, L.A., which may be real or unreal, depending on who you are.

00:02:51 Fortunately, I know a real person, my Uncle Lou, who was once a big-time Hollywood writer.

00:02:57 ...on the 6th, 8th, 4th, 6th and 7th.

00:02:59 Yeah, it's open!

00:03:00 Yeah, so how did they do yesterday?

00:03:03 Oh, good, good.

00:03:05 Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

00:03:07 So?

00:03:10 Sarah Wilder, your niece.

00:03:15 I know that. Sit down.

00:03:19 For me?

00:03:21 Oh, how nice.

00:03:23 So, what made you want to get into the movie business?

00:03:27 Why did you pick a profession with dignity, like begging?

00:03:30 Okay, Uncle Lou, you're just like Mom.

00:03:32 You think the movie business is populated with terrible people.

00:03:34 No, no, no, no, no. Believe me, believe me, I'm not like your mother.

00:03:37 But in this instance, she's right. The world is full of terrible people. Why not the movie business?

00:03:41 So, uh...

00:03:43 Speaking of which, how is your mother?

00:03:47 And that Lummix she married?

00:03:49 She and Dad are great. They're doing the Florida thing.

00:03:51 You know, get a condo on the beach and play golf and tennis.

00:03:54 So, what's this movie about that you want to make?

00:03:56 Jimmy. Cousin Jimmy.

00:03:58 On your father's side?

00:04:00 The same.

00:04:01 But why? He's a bum.

00:04:03 I know him. And like my film teacher always said, "Film what you know."

00:04:07 Uh-huh. So, this story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?

00:04:13 What audience is going to sit down and watch a movie about a schmuck like that?

00:04:17 I don't know. He's a sweet guy, and I think I want to explore the why of it all.

00:04:24 The why of it all? Uh-huh.

00:04:29 You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today.

00:04:32 Did you see something about Mary? It laughed my ass off.

00:04:36 Could I make a movie like that? Never. Never in a million years.

00:04:40 I want to tell you something. I still know a lot of people in this town.

00:04:45 I called in a lot of favors.

00:04:48 I don't know why I'm doing this.

00:04:52 But I set up some pitch meetings for you.

00:04:55 All right? Now, stay focused. And remember, nobody knows anything.

00:05:00 [phone rings]

00:05:02 Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio.

00:05:05 [phone rings]

00:05:07 Hello? Oh, I can't talk right now.

00:05:10 No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30. I'll talk to you later.

00:05:13 Hello?

00:05:17 Wait, wait, wait. All right. Hold on. Connor is talking now, okay?

00:05:27 All right, now listen. You are five million dollars over budget.

00:05:30 Hold on one second. Miss Winston.

00:05:32 Wilder.

00:05:33 That's right. Hold on. Okay.

00:05:34 Listen, you're five million dollars over budget, so either we're going to stop paying you...

00:05:37 ...or we stop beating the cast and the crew. It's your decision.

00:05:40 So...

00:05:43 You're new in town, and you got a story to tell.

00:05:47 Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton didn't give new town a break. Ain't that right?

00:05:53 See? Everyone knows.

00:05:58 That's George. He's my assistant. He's my eyes and my ears.

00:06:01 You can see the big picture.

00:06:03 Hi.

00:06:05 So shoot. I got a ten o'clock. It's coming in early. You got five minutes.

00:06:10 Any good story can be told in five minutes. Ain't that right?

00:06:13 See?

00:06:16 Give me your best shot.

00:06:18 It's the action-packed true story of how the search for the American dream goes ominously awry.

00:06:31 Kind of like a modern James Dean.

00:06:33 But during his quest for the American dream, Jimmy committed armed robbery. A felony.

00:06:38 But he's my cousin. I mean, I sat next to him at the kids' table at every holiday dinner.

00:06:43 But what made him do it?

00:06:45 Here's the twist.

00:06:49 You see, I shot interviews of every family member and eyewitnesses to the actual crime.

00:06:54 For a historic docudrama.

00:06:57 Kind of like Reds, but without the communists.

00:07:00 And we'll cut back to them every so often for background and to help uncover Jimmy's motivations.

00:07:06 The diet pills are working.

00:07:08 Oh, thank you!

00:07:09 Are those canned?

00:07:10 Oh, of course they're canned.

00:07:11 Are you nervous, Beatrice?

00:07:12 No, I'm very relaxed.

00:07:14 You're gonna be wonderful, Uncle Sid. You're gonna be brilliant.

00:07:16 I like that apathetic thing you got going on. And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?

00:07:20 Oh, how do I look?

00:07:21 Wonderful.

00:07:22 Good. I look right in there?

00:07:23 Absolutely. You look really good.

00:07:24 Look, it's all about cleverness.

00:07:26 Roll sound.

00:07:27 Um, should I wait for like action?

00:07:30 Wait until I say dysfunction.

00:07:32 Dysfunction.

00:07:33 Okay. Okay. Good.

00:07:35 What do you want me to talk about?

00:07:37 Tell me about my cousin Jimmy. And Uncle Sid, you look marvelous.

00:07:41 Oh.

00:07:42 Oh.

00:07:43 Jimmy is our son. We love him.

00:07:47 He's a very good boy. A very good boy.

00:07:51 You know what rotten is? He's rotten. Rotten to the core.

00:07:54 Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know.

00:07:57 Thank God he's got my genes.

00:08:00 You know, he takes after my side of the family.

00:08:03 Your side of the family? Your side of the family is crazy.

00:08:07 You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy, it's your fault.

00:08:12 My fault? Huh.

00:08:14 I ought to sue you. I ought to sue you and your family. You know that?

00:08:17 For what?

00:08:18 Because when I married you, they passed you off as sane.

00:08:21 You're fucking crazy.

00:08:23 Ow.

00:08:24 This is good. This is good.

00:08:28 [laughs]

00:08:30 You used fucking properly.

00:08:33 I have a mother and a father, too. Most people do. That's very identifiable.

00:08:37 Mm. Mm.

00:08:39 I'm a basket case until my second day.

00:08:43 You don't want to know what he does at the grocery store?

00:08:47 Jesus Christ. She's going to bring up the candy bin thing again.

00:08:50 He steals little pieces of candy from the candy bin at the grocery store.

00:08:55 Jimmy loves to see him do it.

00:08:57 Like father, like son.

00:08:59 You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy.

00:09:03 My husband here corrupted him.

00:09:05 Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up in the best environment.

00:09:09 But it's not like he was so different than any other kid.

00:09:12 I can't do homework because they told me to do homework.

00:09:15 I can't work under these conditions.

00:09:18 Right, but there was always a constant in Jimmy's life.

00:09:21 His love-- no, no, his obsession for Miranda.

00:09:25 Even when they were kids.

00:09:27 Miranda, I love you.

00:09:30 Best thing that ever happened to Jimmy was Miranda.

00:09:33 But even when they were kids, it wasn't always roses.

00:09:36 I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here! I'm serious!

00:09:40 By the time they got married, she'd been kicking him out for years.

00:09:43 Just leave!

00:09:45 See, things haven't changed much, but unfortunately,

00:09:48 every time Jimmy and Miranda fought,

00:09:50 he'd always go to his best friend for solace, for understanding.

00:09:54 Unfortunately, his best friend is virus.

00:09:57 His partner in crime, so to speak.

00:09:59 Rocket scientist virus isn't, but Jimmy still considered him a friend.

00:10:03 Don't even ask me why.

00:10:05 Connor, darling, the love of my life, the vein of my existence.

00:10:09 Great baby!

00:10:10 George, see any good movies lately?

00:10:12 So good to see you.

00:10:14 How are you doing? What brings you to the salt mines?

00:10:17 It's about Bruce, Connor, dear. Who else?

00:10:19 Listen, I just saw those dailies. Marvelous.

00:10:22 Huh? That fight inside-- what is that? Is that a volcano?

00:10:25 Of course.

00:10:26 That's incredible. That's incredible. Did I say that was incredible?

00:10:29 I said that. I said that.

00:10:31 I'm so happy you're happy.

00:10:33 Happy? Happy? I am ecstatic here, all right? I am delirious.

00:10:36 I'm about to lose control of my bladder.

00:10:39 I have something else you can piss on, then.

00:10:42 If you don't mind looking at the list of requests Bruce has.

00:10:48 What is it? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:10:50 Hasana in his trailer.

00:10:52 Wet, not dry.

00:10:53 Not dry, not dry, George. Remind me.

00:10:56 What's his new stand-in at $4,000?

00:10:58 Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect?

00:11:00 Okay, what's his driver at $3,000?

00:11:02 His nephew.

00:11:03 Personal trainer, two thousand--

00:11:05 His cousin, coincidentally.

00:11:07 You're killing me here. This is $14,000 a week.

00:11:10 Why don't we just rent his whole family?

00:11:12 You are, Conner, darling.

00:11:14 You're renting the whole goddamn family.

00:11:16 He's honest. He's honest.

00:11:18 It's an $80 million movie.

00:11:19 They'll need lots of asses in those seats to see profits.

00:11:22 Bruce can put them there.

00:11:24 Ciao, George.

00:11:25 Love what you're wearing.

00:11:27 Thank you, Craig. Thank you.

00:11:31 Hey, listen, you take care, all right?

00:11:33 Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight.

00:11:34 I will.

00:11:35 [laughs]

00:11:37 Is this a fucking business or what?

00:11:40 Would they run General Electric like this?

00:11:43 No, no, you're damn right they wouldn't.

00:11:45 Get me Jack Brown.

00:11:46 I'm sorry about this.

00:11:48 They said he went to an early lunch.

00:11:50 Crazy.

00:11:51 It's 10.45 in the morning.

00:11:53 Get me the other producer on his film, Bruce's film,

00:11:56 whatever his name is, I don't know.

00:11:58 Call him.

00:11:59 [sighs]

00:12:00 This is a crazy business.

00:12:02 It is crazy. I tell you that.

00:12:04 Stars that make $14 million a picture,

00:12:07 and then they nickel and dime you

00:12:08 for every perk they can think of.

00:12:10 [inhales]

00:12:11 Producers go to a 10.45 lunch.

00:12:13 Shit!

00:12:14 I mean, most producers don't even come in

00:12:15 till 11 o'clock, huh?

00:12:17 Am I right?

00:12:18 What?

00:12:19 Fred Schwartz on two.

00:12:20 [sighs]

00:12:22 Connor Fulton here.

00:12:26 Hi.

00:12:27 I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna,

00:12:30 and then I want you to tell him every day

00:12:31 that it is being specially made.

00:12:33 I want you to tell him we're having trouble

00:12:35 getting a green card for his French chef.

00:12:37 I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in.

00:12:39 I want you to bullshit him about his driver.

00:12:40 I want you to bullshit him about his trainer.

00:12:42 Tell him--tell him--

00:12:44 Teamsters, tell him--

00:12:45 tell him we're having a problem with the Teamsters.

00:12:47 They want their men in place,

00:12:48 and if he has a problem with that,

00:12:49 then his family's gonna be sleeping with the fishes, okay?

00:12:51 And then you tell him to go to hell!

00:12:54 [sighs]

00:12:59 [upbeat music]

00:13:02 Wait, wait, wait.

00:13:04 What Jimmy and Byrus needed was a direction, a goal.

00:13:10 Get a job, get a job.

00:13:11 Why don't you get a job?

00:13:12 I'd like to get a job.

00:13:13 Why don't you get a job?

00:13:14 I can't!

00:13:15 See? 'Cause she told me to, and then if I get a job,

00:13:17 it's because she told me to,

00:13:18 and I can't work under those conditions.

00:13:20 Remember, when Jimmy was a kid,

00:13:22 he didn't like taking orders.

00:13:24 He's no different now.

00:13:25 Hey, fellas, let's go, huh?

00:13:27 We got a house to paint.

00:13:29 Rapido, rapido.

00:13:31 For the daylight.

00:13:32 You like some guy clapping at you?

00:13:34 Come on, have some self-respect.

00:13:36 You gotta be your own boss.

00:13:37 I am my own boss, and I've got self-respect.

00:13:39 No, what you got is some guy telling you what to do.

00:13:42 Nobody tells me what to do.

00:13:44 Look, I'm gonna take off.

00:13:46 Think about what I said.

00:13:47 I thought you were coming over to help me paint.

00:13:49 No, I thought I was coming over while you paint.

00:13:52 I don't paint.

00:13:53 I'm not a painter.

00:13:54 Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check.

00:13:57 Disability.

00:13:58 Think about what I said.

00:14:00 When I said they needed a goal,

00:14:02 I really meant they needed money,

00:14:04 because all they were capable of doing

00:14:06 was painting houses.

00:14:08 All the fixtures you see are original.

00:14:11 They were installed when the house was first built in 1946.

00:14:15 Now, nine years ago, the owner of the house,

00:14:18 Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones,

00:14:20 had all of the fixtures removed,

00:14:22 sent back to Germany,

00:14:24 where they were originally manufactured in 1928.

00:14:28 The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones, the harmonica player?

00:14:32 Yes.

00:14:33 Wow.

00:14:35 Nice house, Blue Smoke.

00:14:39 How do you know Blue Smoke?

00:14:41 I don't. I know Bob Kimmel.

00:14:43 Not done yet!

00:14:44 All of the fixtures were cleaned, restored, updated

00:14:47 by the grandson of the original manufacturer,

00:14:50 Mincher Vander Kleger.

00:14:52 Now, if that name rings a bell, it should,

00:14:55 because we still use Klieg lights today.

00:14:58 This way.

00:15:01 Does he know we're here to paint?

00:15:03 As you can see.

00:15:06 As you can see, the kitchen has been updated as well.

00:15:09 The technology of tomorrow

00:15:11 with the hardwood floors of yesterday.

00:15:13 I think that's pretty cool.

00:15:15 Speaking of cool...

00:15:16 Nicely done.

00:15:17 This refrigerator has the shell of its mother model,

00:15:21 the Frieze Captain 627,

00:15:23 with the entrails of the Captain Frost Master Whiz fridge.

00:15:30 Lovely piece of machinery.

00:15:32 [laughs]

00:15:34 I believe this is yours.

00:15:37 Take a look at this. Is this beautiful?

00:15:39 Look at this, with the trees and the sun!

00:15:43 Look at this view!

00:15:44 If this view were a lady,

00:15:47 I would lay her down right here, right now,

00:15:50 and give her the love!

00:15:52 Oh, my God!

00:15:54 Oh, my God!

00:15:57 Oh, God!

00:15:59 I am so goddamn tired of showing houses all day long.

00:16:03 You couldn't give this piece of shit away.

00:16:05 This shit, it's been on the market for six years now.

00:16:11 Oh, God.

00:16:13 Oh, God.

00:16:14 Did you ever lie in bed at night,

00:16:16 and you look up at the ceiling,

00:16:17 and you realize, you know,

00:16:18 I came to the fork in the road, I veered left.

00:16:20 You know you should veer right, you know it,

00:16:22 but it's too late, it's too late.

00:16:25 I shit where I sleep.

00:16:27 Oh, God.

00:16:28 I wish I had a back porch.

00:16:32 It's too late.

00:16:35 You guys, you seem like nice guys, really.

00:16:40 And you're young.

00:16:41 You should get away, run away now,

00:16:43 because I feel one coming on, okay?

00:16:47 I really need to be alone.

00:16:50 Oh, God.

00:16:52 [gulping]

00:16:56 Oh.

00:16:58 Oh, God.

00:17:00 Wow.

00:17:01 Can you believe that?

00:17:02 Oh.

00:17:03 Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years.

00:17:05 It's beautiful.

00:17:07 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:17:09 Two guys, strike that, two morons who can't paint,

00:17:14 and they're talking about some musician.

00:17:16 I'm--George, I thought this was about an armed robbery.

00:17:21 It is.

00:17:22 So?

00:17:23 Where is it?

00:17:24 I mean, how far are we into the picture now?

00:17:26 Ten minutes, maybe?

00:17:29 Oh, my God.

00:17:30 Ten minutes?

00:17:31 Ten minutes is a lifetime, see?

00:17:33 George knows.

00:17:34 In Indiana Jones, he has already been chased

00:17:36 by a boulder by now, okay?

00:17:38 In Jaws, we've seen a girl get naked,

00:17:40 make out with some guy, hop in the water,

00:17:41 and get eaten by a shark.

00:17:43 That's the goal.

00:17:44 That's what the audience is waiting for.

00:17:45 Why are you making them wait?

00:17:48 I wanted to build up the motivation

00:17:50 to their committing the robbery.

00:17:53 Wrong answer.

00:17:56 My dear, you must be visual.

00:17:57 You have to show this.

00:17:58 You got to show some guns, some violence, a little blood.

00:18:02 I don't--wait.

00:18:03 Um, they, they--let's say they, they--

00:18:07 they witness a robbery.

00:18:10 They witness a robbery, and that inspires them.

00:18:13 That's good, isn't it?

00:18:14 That's good.

00:18:15 That's good.

00:18:16 Try that.

00:18:17 You want me to change what I have?

00:18:18 Change what actually happened?

00:18:19 Change the truth?

00:18:22 [laughs]

00:18:24 The tr--

00:18:25 What do you think this is, church?

00:18:27 Yes.

00:18:28 Yes, change the truth,

00:18:29 add a bit about the robbery,

00:18:31 and, uh, continue.

00:18:34 Okay, um, let's see.

00:18:38 As Uncle Lou said, nobody knows anything,

00:18:40 so I might as well give it a try.

00:18:42 Why can't Miranda just be nice to me?

00:18:44 You guys need a dialogue, man.

00:18:46 Is that it, fellas?

00:18:47 Yeah.

00:18:48 All right.

00:18:49 Uh, let's see.

00:18:50 Pepsi, Pepsi, fruit pie, fruit pie.

00:18:53 $2.65.

00:18:54 We got two.

00:18:55 We got 50, 61, 62,

00:19:00 63, 64, two, 64.

00:19:07 Two, 64.

00:19:14 All right, fine.

00:19:18 Miranda's just complicated, you know?

00:19:20 You guys, give me a talk more,

00:19:21 'cause she's like--

00:19:22 Let's stay calm, we just want the cash.

00:19:24 Let's go, move it.

00:19:25 You two, spread out.

00:19:26 Spread out.

00:19:27 See some money out of you two.

00:19:28 Come on, come on, I'm not fooling around here.

00:19:29 Let's open the pot.

00:19:30 See some cash.

00:19:31 Man, I got nothing.

00:19:32 I haven't been answering that dish.

00:19:34 Totally tapped.

00:19:35 Give me the change.

00:19:37 Get the hands up.

00:19:38 Clean, that's it.

00:19:39 Let's go.

00:19:48 How hairy was that?

00:19:50 How about shit?

00:19:51 Did you-- how about shit?

00:19:52 How about shit?

00:19:54 You see me, I throw it.

00:19:55 I was--

00:19:57 Hey, man, you were really cool.

00:20:00 Yeah, it's 'cause I don't give a shit.

00:20:01 It happens every other week.

00:20:03 I'm not gonna get my ass shot up for, you know, 200 bucks

00:20:05 that's not even mine.

00:20:07 You were really cool.

00:20:08 I should have put a cap in they ass.

00:20:10 That's what I should have did.

00:20:11 But I don't have a gun.

00:20:17 Hey.

00:20:18 Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

00:20:19 You sure?

00:20:20 You sure?

00:20:22 Thanks a lot.

00:20:23 Sure.

00:20:25 Jimmy needed to feel worthy in Miranda's eyes

00:20:28 to prove himself to her on his own terms.

00:20:32 But he didn't know how.

00:20:34 Witnessing the robbery was both shocking and exciting to them,

00:20:37 a total adrenaline rush.

00:20:39 To Jimmy and Virus, this was all the inspiration they needed.

00:20:42 If you had to give a description of the cops right now,

00:20:44 what would you tell them?

00:20:45 I'd say there were two of them.

00:20:47 Uh-huh.

00:20:48 And that they were bigger than us and white.

00:20:51 Hey, you don't catch guys like that, you know?

00:20:54 They knew exactly what they were doing.

00:20:55 They were professionals.

00:20:56 You heard the cashier.

00:20:57 That shit happens all the time.

00:20:58 I like this.

00:20:59 Much better now.

00:21:00 I like it.

00:21:01 This is good.

00:21:04 Go on.

00:21:05 Jimmy moved in with Virus.

00:21:06 The wheels were now in motion that would lead them

00:21:08 to their eventual destiny.

00:21:10 Come on, get the door open.

00:21:12 [phone ringing]

00:21:13 Phone's ringing.

00:21:14 Hello?

00:21:15 Oh, no, hey, Miranda, how are you?

00:21:17 No, actually, we just walked in.

00:21:19 Miranda, really?

00:21:21 No, that-- yeah.

00:21:22 I will.

00:21:24 Yeah, that's sweet.

00:21:25 I will.

00:21:26 Absolutely, I will.

00:21:27 Uh-huh.

00:21:29 You look like Joe Perry from "Harold Smith" right now.

00:21:32 It's weird.

00:21:33 Your nose is--

00:21:34 What are you saying?

00:21:35 No, that--

00:21:36 Just do it.

00:21:37 OK, cool.

00:21:38 Absolutely, I will.

00:21:40 Yeah, he's right here.

00:21:41 Hold on one second.

00:21:42 She wants to talk to you.

00:21:43 Now, to Jimmy, his life may have been crap.

00:21:45 But the one thing he did have was Miranda.

00:21:49 Actually, he didn't, but that's Jimmy.

00:21:52 Hello.

00:21:53 Yeah, no, just me and Virus.

00:21:56 Hey, how'd you know I was here anyway?

00:21:58 No, just-- no.

00:22:01 No.

00:22:02 Now, see, I think you do want to fight about it.

00:22:04 As a matter of fact, I think you want nothing more

00:22:06 than to fight about it.

00:22:07 Hang on a second there, Puddin'.

00:22:09 You're the one who asked me to--

00:22:11 Pudds.

00:22:12 I even asked a psychiatrist why Miranda would call.

00:22:15 It's called separation anxiety.

00:22:17 You see, Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda,

00:22:19 yet she was rejecting him.

00:22:21 Quite often when people are away,

00:22:23 this sort of thing happens.

00:22:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly what happened to me

00:22:26 when I was on a stakeout for-- for two months.

00:22:28 Day in and day out, my wife and I,

00:22:31 well, we were separated for some time.

00:22:33 And, uh, well, we had arguments, and--

00:22:35 and, you know, separation is very painful and stressful.

00:22:39 Oh, it's terrible.

00:22:40 He was not on a stakeout.

00:22:42 He's disturbed.

00:22:43 He thinks he's Joe Mannix from the television show.

00:22:46 You were not on a stakeout.

00:22:47 I tried to call her from every discreet telephone I could find,

00:22:50 but I-- there just wasn't any telephones around.

00:22:53 I was desperate, desperate to talk to her.

00:22:55 I even had my secretary, Peggy-- you remember Peggy.

00:22:58 Peggy, I said, "You gotta get in touch with her."

00:23:00 Nothing, nothing.

00:23:01 You're not a private eye, Mr. Ohanian.

00:23:03 You're--

00:23:04 Wait, wait a minute.

00:23:05 What do you mean, Shrink?

00:23:06 Oh, of course I'm a private eye.

00:23:08 Joe Mannix, what are you talking about?

00:23:10 I went undercover with my contacts at the police force,

00:23:12 Lieutenant Tobias.

00:23:13 Remember Lieutenant Tobias?

00:23:14 Yes.

00:23:15 Yeah, well, I was out of pocket for six months with that.

00:23:18 You did not go undercover.

00:23:19 Your name is not Joe Mannix, Mr. Ohanian.

00:23:21 It's Creekore Ohanian.

00:23:22 You live in Fresno, and you make cheap white wine.

00:23:24 Wait, wait, wait.

00:23:26 You said it was gonna be like Reds.

00:23:29 What part does Warren Beatty play?

00:23:33 No, he's not in it,

00:23:36 but I'm using eyewitnesses like in the movie Reds.

00:23:42 You get me Warren Beatty as an eyewitness,

00:23:45 we got a movie.

00:23:50 You have any other casting in place, you talk to George.

00:23:52 He's my eyes and my ears.

00:23:56 Is he coming back?

00:24:05 How did you put a blind guy in the movie business?

00:24:07 It's an advantage.

00:24:09 First of all, nobody reads scripts anymore.

00:24:10 They get these kids from UCLA to do that.

00:24:13 Secondly, if he can't see,

00:24:15 there's a little chance he'll take his boss's job.

00:24:19 Though, on the other hand,

00:24:23 if he was also deaf, his chances could improve.

00:24:26 Does everyone have a yes man?

00:24:29 Some have no men.

00:24:31 Most have a we'll get back to you man.

00:24:33 Here.

00:24:34 Let me give you this guy's number.

00:24:36 I used to know him.

00:24:38 He's okay, I gave him his first shot.

00:24:40 You just call him, all right?

00:24:42 Lou Bracken.

00:24:44 Is he still alive?

00:24:46 He called you, didn't he?

00:24:51 Comes from Cuba.

00:24:53 I can make my whole movie for the price of five of those.

00:24:56 Is that legal?

00:24:58 Cuba Gooding.

00:25:00 It's all made of money, baby.

00:25:06 So, where were we?

00:25:09 Let's see, your cousin Jimmy.

00:25:11 Jimmy was spending his days watching TV

00:25:13 and bemoaning Miranda.

00:25:15 You're right.

00:25:16 Should be separate.

00:25:17 I'm better off out of that house

00:25:19 than still living with that emotional carnival freak.

00:25:21 She's a sideshow.

00:25:23 It's a really nice house, though.

00:25:28 I'm an idiot, but I still dig it.

00:25:31 Check it out.

00:25:32 Turn it up.

00:25:33 Try it.

00:25:34 I'm a fan of the grisly murder

00:25:36 of his 69-year-old grandmother, Sally Gag.

00:25:40 McClintock's Peach.

00:25:42 They can't beat, beat, you say that meat.

00:25:45 The best on peach I could ever eat.

00:25:47 So we don't mean to preach, but we do mean to teach you to try one.

00:25:50 McClintock's Peach.

00:25:52 Once they saw the commercial, they decided to target McClintock's.

00:25:55 Okay, this is Karen, all right?

00:25:57 She's a friend of mine.

00:25:58 Karen used to work at McClintock's.

00:26:00 Why she quit, that's not important either.

00:26:02 Okay.

00:26:03 Here's the candy.

00:26:04 Karen says they deposit the money to the bank every Monday afternoon.

00:26:07 No.

00:26:08 Yeah.

00:26:09 So I figure we go in there on a Monday morning.

00:26:10 That's a week's worth of business in that register.

00:26:12 How hard can this be?

00:26:13 Register full of cash, no security.

00:26:15 I figure we walk in, grab the money, walk out, just like those guys did.

00:26:18 Coffee Karen figures almost $50,000.

00:26:20 Even as Jimmy and Virus plotted the robbery,

00:26:23 it seemed that their feelings against McClintock's had found some public support.

00:26:26 How dare the McClintocks invoke God to sell their peaches.

00:26:31 They are the most self-righteous, pretentious con artists this town has ever seen.

00:26:35 I could spit on them.

00:26:37 McClintock's peaches taste just like my mom's.

00:26:42 These eyewitnesses, you shot them already, right?

00:26:45 Oh, yeah, in the can.

00:26:47 And there's a lot more than what you've heard.

00:26:50 Mm-hmm.

00:26:52 So, uh, who do you see as the peach expert?

00:26:58 Oh, the real peach expert himself.

00:27:01 The real one I already shot in the film.

00:27:04 Okay, let's get this straight.

00:27:06 Everyone, I don't care who they are,

00:27:08 wants to get their hands on some of these peaches,

00:27:10 especially if they've ever tasted McClintock's peach.

00:27:13 I mean everyone, okay?

00:27:16 Oh, I see both.

00:27:20 Euro trash.

00:27:22 Oh.

00:27:23 Sunscreen?

00:27:24 Oh.

00:27:26 I think--I think perhaps you should think younger.

00:27:31 Maybe Ben Stiller as the peach expert.

00:27:39 Well, whatever happened to authenticity?

00:27:42 Authenticity is for CNN.

00:27:45 Ben Stiller is for movies.

00:27:48 Cheers.

00:27:49 Maybe you're right.

00:27:51 [sighs]

00:27:56 Well, think about it.

00:27:59 Okay.

00:28:00 Think about Ben.

00:28:02 Okay, get this straight.

00:28:03 Everybody, I don't care who it is,

00:28:05 wants to get their hands on some of those peaches

00:28:07 if they've ever tasted McClintock peach, okay?

00:28:10 Ben Stiller.

00:28:12 Hmm?

00:28:14 Okay, get this straight.

00:28:16 Everybody, I don't care who it is,

00:28:18 wants to get their hands on some of those peaches

00:28:20 if they've ever tasted McClintock peach, okay?

00:28:23 Ben Stiller.

00:28:25 Okay, get this straight.

00:28:26 Everybody, I don't care who it is,

00:28:28 wants to get their hands on some of those peaches

00:28:30 if they've ever tasted McClintock peach, okay?

00:28:33 Much better.

00:28:34 Now continue.

00:28:35 Well, the seed for Robbie McClintock's was planted,

00:28:40 but Jimmy was torn, confused,

00:28:44 between his unrequited love for Miranda

00:28:47 and the adrenaline rush from the robbery.

00:28:50 Jimmy was an emotional, vulnerable,

00:28:54 incredibly hurt boy.

00:28:58 He was riding a manic-depressive roller coaster

00:29:01 at very deep, deep lows

00:29:08 and manic, sexy highs.

00:29:13 Very manic highs.

00:29:15 Shh, excuse me.

00:29:17 I'm just gonna put this over here.

00:29:20 Virus wasn't any help.

00:29:21 He was always testing Jimmy

00:29:22 with ridiculous, hypothetical questions.

00:29:25 You were their camp counselor.

00:29:27 I certainly was,

00:29:28 and I'm here to say that these boys

00:29:30 were not evil or vicious.

00:29:31 Oh, they weren't geniuses, to be sure,

00:29:34 but they had convictions, they had values.

00:29:36 Hey, I got one for you.

00:29:38 If you had to blow some guy, who would it be?

00:29:40 Excuse me?

00:29:41 Say you had to blow some guy, who would you pick?

00:29:43 I don't have to blow some guy.

00:29:45 Yeah, I know you don't have to,

00:29:46 but if you did, who would it be?

00:29:48 I try not to entertain that thought,

00:29:49 and I don't think it's healthy when you do it.

00:29:51 Come on, entertain me for a second.

00:29:53 They got a gun to your head.

00:29:55 Well, if they got a gun to my head,

00:29:58 odds are I'll be blowing one of them.

00:30:00 You're missing my point.

00:30:01 Your point?

00:30:02 I didn't realize there was a point.

00:30:04 Forget about it, all right?

00:30:05 No, all right, who are they, friends of yours?

00:30:07 No.

00:30:08 This doesn't make any sense.

00:30:09 I don't know, look, they're just guys, all right?

00:30:11 They're like bored frat guys.

00:30:13 They're out on a drinking binge,

00:30:14 looking for something to do,

00:30:15 and somebody gave them a gun.

00:30:17 I give up. Who do I want to blow?

00:30:19 I don't know.

00:30:20 See, neither do I.

00:30:22 You see, that was an essential part of their relationship,

00:30:25 the conflict between fantasy and reality.

00:30:28 Yeah, well, blowjobs are great,

00:30:31 but not between two guys.

00:30:33 This isn't about sex. That's not the point.

00:30:35 Wrong.

00:30:37 That is the point.

00:30:39 Sex.

00:30:41 You got to have sex.

00:30:43 Real sex.

00:30:46 Sexy sex.

00:30:48 What sex? Between a guy and a gal.

00:30:52 Real sex?

00:30:54 Yeah, like Baywatch.

00:30:59 Baywatch, that's it.

00:31:02 Make it all happen at the beach.

00:31:05 The whole picture.

00:31:07 You reshoot all the witnesses at the beach.

00:31:10 You change the robbery to the beach.

00:31:13 Then you make Miranda a sexy, sexy lifeguard.

00:31:18 And you send it to me, sealed with a kiss,

00:31:21 and I'll give it to you.

00:31:24 All he wanted was sex, sex, sex.

00:31:28 Really? Ooh, that's three sexes.

00:31:31 We always knew he was ambitious.

00:31:33 This is very discouraging.

00:31:35 Come on, you ready to give up already?

00:31:37 I thought you were a toughie.

00:31:39 I thought you had crust like me.

00:31:41 That's what I always liked about you.

00:31:43 It's just not exactly what I expected.

00:31:45 What did you expect?

00:31:47 The first time you meet them,

00:31:49 they're going to give you money to make you fuck up your little movie?

00:31:52 Come here. Come here.

00:31:55 Look, this is a tough town.

00:31:57 You've got to bring the booze.

00:31:59 Sweetheart, sit down.

00:32:02 [sighs]

00:32:04 It just seems like everyone wants to make a different movie

00:32:07 than the one that I want to make.

00:32:09 Hey, so what?

00:32:11 That's the town. Everybody is a critic.

00:32:14 They go to screenings, and they say,

00:32:16 "Why wasn't so-and-so in that part?

00:32:18 Why can't the ending be different?"

00:32:20 Come here.

00:32:22 I'm going to set you up with Gus Schnuck, the King of Schlock.

00:32:25 He's not quite right for your picture, but he's not a critic.

00:32:28 He wouldn't even pretend to know good from bad.

00:32:31 Come on in. Come on in.

00:32:33 What do you mean you never heard of a topless toga?

00:32:36 What difference does it make?

00:32:38 That woman's knackers are so big, you couldn't cover them anyway.

00:32:41 Hiya, T.U.C.H.

00:32:43 Look, Harry, I'm sorry. We're going to have to talk about this later.

00:32:46 I've got a meeting now. Yeah, okay, bye.

00:32:48 Have a seat, please. Sit down.

00:32:50 Meet my assistant.

00:32:52 Oh, Pete.

00:32:54 He started one of my worst pictures.

00:32:56 You watch your mouth, you little shit.

00:32:58 The picture was terrible, but it made a fortune.

00:33:01 He thinks he should get all the money.

00:33:03 I'm a star. I'm a star.

00:33:05 Shut up.

00:33:07 That's a beautiful bird. Thank you.

00:33:09 So, pick up where you left off.

00:33:11 You're making this movie now about an armed robbery,

00:33:13 the American dream, your cousin Jimmy.

00:33:15 Around that time, almost everyone was talking about McClintock's peach.

00:33:19 Peaches are good for you. They're healthy.

00:33:21 Go to any health food store, they'll tell you.

00:33:23 Peaches are number one, and these, kissed by God.

00:33:26 I hate peaches.

00:33:28 Not just McClintock's peaches, but all peaches.

00:33:31 After all, if there weren't any peaches,

00:33:34 Dwayne Allman would be alive today.

00:33:36 The whole town had a fruit syndrome

00:33:39 that infected everyone, particularly Jimmy and Virus.

00:33:44 You could say that Virus caught a Virus.

00:33:46 [laughing]

00:33:51 Excuse me, young lady. Is the owner in?

00:33:54 Oh, good Lord broke the mold with you two.

00:33:59 Well, I'll just put in a French loaf

00:34:04 and a couple muffins for you.

00:34:10 Miranda was in earlier.

00:34:14 Huh.

00:34:16 Why don't you just quit your fussing and marry that girl?

00:34:19 I did.

00:34:21 Oh.

00:34:23 And you, you ought to get yourself a steady,

00:34:27 'cause you're gonna catch something that won't wash off.

00:34:31 You don't want to grow old alone.

00:34:34 No, ma'am.

00:34:36 $3.35.

00:34:46 When I lost Walter, my life went into a tailspin.

00:34:51 I really do miss that man.

00:34:53 You know, we did such good business here

00:34:56 before McClintock's opened.

00:34:58 Can't compete with that God-kissed peach.

00:35:02 Hi. McClinticks.

00:35:04 Well, McClinticks is really the lifeblood of this town.

00:35:08 You know, in large part, that's because of these peaches.

00:35:12 These are some of the best peaches in the world.

00:35:14 They're really kind of God-kissed, you know?

00:35:17 Listen, they pumped the revenue right into this city.

00:35:20 So, kind of, did you get that?

00:35:22 You see, the thing is, every city, every major city

00:35:25 has that one special attraction.

00:35:27 You know, New York has the Statue of Liberty

00:35:29 and San Antonio has the, you know, the Alamo.

00:35:32 We have peaches.

00:35:34 Now, this peach...

00:35:37 Did you get that? Are we in frame?

00:35:39 This peach was eaten by President Ronald Reagan.

00:35:45 He came to this city just for the peaches.

00:35:49 Actually, well, I think, actually, he was lost.

00:35:52 But the point is that he took one bite of that peach

00:35:57 and, well, he had to leave.

00:35:59 But I was fortunate because I grabbed that peach

00:36:02 before he left, and it's a little rotted now,

00:36:06 as you can probably see, but those are his actual teeth marks.

00:36:10 I'm pretty sure they were his real teeth.

00:36:14 Excuse me, Sarah, who do you see as a peach expert?

00:36:17 Ben Stiller.

00:36:19 What are you, a casting director?

00:36:21 That's exactly who I saw.

00:36:23 Really? Go on.

00:36:25 Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller.

00:36:27 Not you, you dummy. Her. Please.

00:36:30 Fuck you. I'm a star. Ben Stiller.

00:36:33 I'm warning you, you're right on the edge. You're gonna get it.

00:36:36 I'm sorry. Please, go ahead.

00:36:38 As I was saying, by now,

00:36:40 Jimmy and Byers had zeroed in on the Clint talks,

00:36:43 but they were still afraid of getting caught.

00:36:45 I feel really good about the plan.

00:36:47 I really, you know, feel good about the whole thing.

00:36:50 But I also feel like we're gonna get caught.

00:36:52 No! Do not do that! Do not do that!

00:36:54 Look, I feel like... I'm serious! Don't think that way.

00:36:57 Look, I'm just saying... Uh-uh!

00:36:59 (shouting)

00:37:01 I know. You really don't get it, do you?

00:37:03 Listen up, Skeeter, I'm gonna tell you once.

00:37:05 If you think it, it will happen.

00:37:07 Now, this Jimmy, could he go psycho

00:37:09 like De Niro did at the end of Taxi Driver?

00:37:11 You know, I mean, that's something I could sell.

00:37:13 Uh, no. But he could.

00:37:15 But he didn't. But you're writing it, so he could.

00:37:17 But it's a true story, so he didn't.

00:37:19 Didn't? Aw! Watch it. Watch it.

00:37:21 Fuck you! Fuck me! Fuck you!

00:37:24 Teach him one bad word and he goes nuts.

00:37:26 Now, what about music? This Byers, he could be a musician, you know?

00:37:29 Kids love music.

00:37:31 I mean, soundtracks can put a movie into black,

00:37:33 even if it's a turkey, you know?

00:37:35 Turkey!

00:37:37 I got the music in me. I can feel it.

00:37:40 I just gotta find it. We all do.

00:37:43 No, we all don't.

00:37:45 What you're feeling, you see, there's a euphoria

00:37:47 that comes along with believing your own bullshit.

00:37:49 That's what you're feeling, not the music in you.

00:37:52 Well...

00:37:54 We muck what we don't understand.

00:37:57 You see, because the music, she's my lady.

00:38:01 She's my muse.

00:38:03 But she's got a whole lot of mean up under that skirt of hers.

00:38:09 She taunts me.

00:38:11 Sits at the end of the bar, and just before we lock eyes, she's gone.

00:38:15 She's like a cold cup of coffee.

00:38:18 Sweet, sweet music.

00:38:21 Jimmy and Byers had meticulously planned the robbery

00:38:24 with detail and precision, asking all the tough questions.

00:38:27 What does a professional robber need for a robbery?

00:38:30 You need a car and you need guns. That's about it.

00:38:32 May I ask you some questions? I can get a car, but what about guns?

00:38:35 Pepsi? Please. I get guns.

00:38:37 You can get guns. I get guns.

00:38:39 You can get a car. I'll get guns.

00:38:42 You can get a car. I can get guns.

00:38:45 Then we got a car and we got guns.

00:38:47 Sandwich?

00:38:49 Car, guns...

00:38:52 Masks.

00:38:54 Masks.

00:38:56 And she's like, "Oh, I had trouble parking."

00:38:58 It's like there's hella parking outside.

00:39:00 This is your idea for getting a car?

00:39:03 What's your problem?

00:39:05 I can rent a car and get guns, all right? Can you get guns, Nathan?

00:39:08 Yeah. Don't talk about guns.

00:39:12 Sorry.

00:39:14 Not to be sorry, but don't talk about guns.

00:39:18 You know, it's like... I would have been a good thief sometimes.

00:39:22 She's a liar. Some people lie.

00:39:24 And she said... Do you remember when she was gone?

00:39:27 She said she had... Bitch was in Hawaii.

00:39:30 I know she was because she came back with a can.

00:39:33 And she was not taking cigarettes because she was smoking weed.

00:39:36 Because I know what weed smells like.

00:39:38 No, that's not the point.

00:39:40 Weed smells like...

00:39:42 No, weed... It's kind of like sour apple.

00:39:45 And it's also kind of like butter.

00:39:48 Kind of like butter and pine.

00:39:50 You know, like pine? No, not pie. Pine.

00:39:53 The point is, you don't smoke weed at work.

00:39:55 You could smoke weed anywhere.

00:39:57 You smoke it on your time. You don't smoke weed on my time.

00:40:00 You don't smoke weed... Oh, I'm sorry.

00:40:02 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:40:04 I got it. I'll call you back.

00:40:06 Houselord, can I help you?

00:40:08 Uh, yes. Good afternoon.

00:40:10 Uh, we were quite taken with the cap and amonti we saw outside.

00:40:14 Is that considered a midsize?

00:40:17 I know how it's spelled.

00:40:27 Of course you do.

00:40:29 Which car?

00:40:34 Driver's license. Yes. Not on me.

00:40:38 You're gonna rent a car.

00:40:40 It's so funny to me.

00:40:42 How's that funny?

00:40:44 We can't rent. We don't have money to rent.

00:40:47 You don't need money to rent. You pay when you return.

00:40:50 What if we don't get money?

00:40:52 Then we don't return. That's what they got insurance for.

00:40:55 Insurance is bullshit. Good hands, hand job.

00:40:58 Reach around, bullshit.

00:41:00 I still don't see how renting is funny.

00:41:03 Well, it's not funny. It's cheating.

00:41:05 Funny and cheating are synonyms.

00:41:07 Whatever. Whatever.

00:41:09 I guess you win.

00:41:11 I'll just get Miranda's car.

00:41:13 She's pissed at you. We need a car.

00:41:16 Why don't they steal a car? All they do is talk.

00:41:19 Not enough action. Too much talk.

00:41:21 Talk, talk, talk.

00:41:23 I warned you. You shut up now.

00:41:25 Look, where's the action? The car chases, the boards, the...

00:41:28 The IRS.

00:41:30 I told you never, never to mention that.

00:41:33 The IRS. The IRS.

00:41:35 All right, that's it. Now I'm gonna get you.

00:41:39 (gunshot)

00:41:41 Miss me, miss me!

00:41:43 Parrot's got his number.

00:41:45 Mmm. The Parrot picture made him big money.

00:41:48 So he's afraid the Parrot's gonna rat him out to the IRS.

00:41:51 But he can't kill him because he needs him for the sequel.

00:41:54 Is everybody in this town nuts?

00:41:56 90%. Mmm.

00:41:59 I got a new strategy for us.

00:42:02 This lady gave me my last job, right?

00:42:04 She's now a big executive in networks.

00:42:07 I don't know.

00:42:09 Maybe this could work as a movie-of-the-week docudrama.

00:42:13 Darling, I can't make it a moment before 9.

00:42:16 Okay.

00:42:18 Go on.

00:42:20 With Jimmy and Virus only days away from the robbery,

00:42:22 it was clear there was only one thing they could do to stop them.

00:42:25 Themselves. Stop right there.

00:42:28 Do you have any stars attached?

00:42:31 No.

00:42:33 Then you're going to need a strong female lead.

00:42:36 This woman, is she more than just a run-of-the-mill wife,

00:42:39 girlfriend, mistress, hooker with a heart of gold?

00:42:42 You want a chick flick? I'll give you a chick flick.

00:42:45 Oh, she's strong, all right.

00:42:47 And there's a lot more where that came from.

00:42:49 I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here!

00:42:51 I'm serious!

00:42:53 Get out!

00:42:55 So she's strong.

00:42:57 What about love?

00:42:59 Is she in love?

00:43:01 Oh, there's love.

00:43:03 I got robbed the other day.

00:43:05 You're a pervert! Now just get out!

00:43:07 You're right. I promise I'm going to change Puddin'.

00:43:09 Wait, what did you just call me?

00:43:11 Puddin'.

00:43:13 No, no, no. You don't have the right to call me Puddin'.

00:43:15 No more Puddin'.

00:43:17 It used to be cute. It's not cute anymore, Jimmy.

00:43:19 What's not cute about Puddin'?

00:43:21 Puddin'. That's cute.

00:43:23 Shut up!

00:43:25 All right, look.

00:43:27 Jimmy, I can't take this anymore, okay?

00:43:29 It's been like a year, right?

00:43:31 You watch videos all night, you sleep all day,

00:43:33 you hang out with fires. I need more, you know that?

00:43:35 So just leave me be, okay?

00:43:37 Do us both a favor. Just get out of my life.

00:43:39 I need to borrow the car.

00:43:45 What?

00:43:47 I need to borrow the car.

00:43:49 Well, no.

00:43:51 You can't borrow my car.

00:43:53 Your car?

00:43:55 Yeah, my car.

00:43:57 The car.

00:43:59 You're so fucking gangly.

00:44:01 You are so beautiful.

00:44:03 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:44:05 What are you doing? Get away.

00:44:07 I've missed you so much.

00:44:09 I don't give a fuck. I have somebody over here.

00:44:11 You can't come in. Don't touch me.

00:44:13 Makes me want to puke when you touch me.

00:44:15 Get the fuck off me!

00:44:17 They're star-crossed lovers.

00:44:29 [music]

00:44:31 Damn!

00:44:35 So, can I get those guns now?

00:44:49 I hope Jennifer told you I don't deal in

00:44:57 any of that Saturday night special nonsense.

00:44:59 I've got

00:45:01 clean, out-of-state,

00:45:03 barely-been-used

00:45:05 product.

00:45:07 High resale value.

00:45:09 Now...

00:45:11 Yeah?

00:45:13 They might seem a little big, but they're not.

00:45:15 You show me some patience,

00:45:17 I get you a Smith & Wesson .38.

00:45:19 Basically, snub-nosed

00:45:21 service revolvers get the job done.

00:45:23 .38s are not as big as these.

00:45:25 Yeah.

00:45:27 Hello, ladies.

00:45:29 You laughing at me, huh?

00:45:39 You laughing at me? What am I, a clown?

00:45:41 Do I amuse you? I'm funny now, huh?

00:45:43 You must be laughing at me. I don't see anybody else around here.

00:45:45 You're mixing your movies, dipshit.

00:45:47 What?

00:45:49 You're mixing your movies.

00:45:51 Oh, no.

00:45:53 How the fuck do I amuse you, huh?

00:45:55 That's Joe Pesci.

00:45:57 No, Pesci wouldn't in "Taxi Driver."

00:45:59 That's what I'm saying. You're mixing your movies.

00:46:01 No, I'm not.

00:46:03 Whatever.

00:46:05 Whatever. Good response. I guess you win.

00:46:07 You know, uh...

00:46:09 Jennifer said you'd have

00:46:11 32 revolvers, so...

00:46:13 What?

00:46:15 Jennifer told me earlier that you have

00:46:17 32 revolvers.

00:46:19 Jennifer told me earlier you'd have 32 revolvers.

00:46:21 But guess what, assface?

00:46:23 I'm doing you a favor.

00:46:25 I could get rid of these guns for at least $300 apiece

00:46:27 tonight.

00:46:29 You know what?

00:46:31 I'll take those. Yeah, yeah.

00:46:33 You will. $600, first of the month.

00:46:35 Don't make me come looking for you. Kiss.

00:46:37 Great. I'm keeping the jacket.

00:46:39 You're gonna keep the jacket, great.

00:46:41 Go on. Get out of here.

00:46:43 I got work to do.

00:46:45 So...

00:46:47 We have sex,

00:46:49 love,

00:46:51 a felony,

00:46:53 and guns.

00:46:55 I love guns.

00:46:57 But I'm not sure

00:46:59 I buy the bit about getting the guns

00:47:01 from the girlfriend.

00:47:03 Oh, well,

00:47:05 I interviewed a gun expert.

00:47:07 Oh.

00:47:09 I'm all ears.

00:47:11 Tell me more.

00:47:13 You should buy from a licensed dealer

00:47:15 like me. But you can get guns anyway.

00:47:17 You want to feel one?

00:47:19 Well,

00:47:23 you don't have cold steel relaxant

00:47:25 against the fleshy part of your finger.

00:47:27 And you just ain't lying.

00:47:29 It's hard,

00:47:31 shiny, and has

00:47:33 beautiful curls.

00:47:35 And it won't yell at you when you're bad.

00:47:37 And it won't spank you for talking back.

00:47:39 No.

00:47:41 And it's your friend.

00:47:43 Your best friend.

00:47:45 You want to hold one?

00:47:47 You know, guns

00:47:51 are what made this country great.

00:47:53 Don't you agree?

00:47:55 No.

00:47:57 Feel one.

00:47:59 I'd rather not. I don't believe in guns.

00:48:01 Well, you know,

00:48:03 you don't know what it's like until

00:48:05 you touch the love shaft

00:48:07 of Mr. Smith and Mr. West.

00:48:09 Actually,

00:48:11 being a girl, it's all right for me

00:48:13 to be into guns.

00:48:15 What do you mean, being a girl?

00:48:17 That's all the more reason you need one.

00:48:19 All these crazies in the streets.

00:48:21 You want to be raped? No.

00:48:23 You carry a gun, and you hold it

00:48:25 in your arms, and you suck on

00:48:27 the barrel like it's your

00:48:29 mama's titties.

00:48:31 I really don't want to do this.

00:48:33 Watch out!

00:48:35 Oh.

00:48:37 That must have been heaven.

00:48:41 What?

00:48:43 Feeling the gun and actually

00:48:45 having it go off

00:48:47 in your hand.

00:48:49 Well,

00:48:51 actually, it scared me to death.

00:48:53 You mean you don't like guns?

00:48:57 Does that mean

00:49:05 you don't want me to continue?

00:49:09 Eight.

00:49:11 Did I mention I saw Ben Stiller as the peach expert?

00:49:13 Love you, too, darling.

00:49:15 Bye.

00:49:17 Maybe we should go the indie route.

00:49:23 You can't get a studio picture made

00:49:25 these days without big stars.

00:49:27 Yet, that has nothing to do with whether the film

00:49:29 makes money or loses money. It's all about keeping your job.

00:49:31 What do you mean?

00:49:33 Well, let's say, ah, you got a terrific script, right?

00:49:35 But you put two morons,

00:49:37 Jimmy and Virus, in it, right?

00:49:39 No studio's gonna go for that. Why?

00:49:41 'Cause the film loses money. Then, the executive

00:49:43 who gave it the green light is gonna lose his job.

00:49:45 On the other hand, you get Tom Hanks

00:49:47 or whoever else is the flavor of the money.

00:49:49 Then, the film tanks. It's Tom Hanks' fault.

00:49:51 Or, even better yet, the director.

00:49:53 I've got Ben Stiller.

00:49:55 Oh.

00:49:57 Very nice. That's good. That's a start.

00:49:59 So, what do I do?

00:50:01 Hold on a second.

00:50:03 Yeah.

00:50:05 Oh, Phil, yeah, look, I got my...

00:50:07 No, no, no, I know we got business.

00:50:09 Uh,

00:50:11 Phil, hold on for a second, okay?

00:50:13 Listen, this is a wrong shot.

00:50:15 Yeah, I'll call you right back.

00:50:17 Just stay where you are. Don't move, okay? Bye.

00:50:19 Bye.

00:50:21 I don't know why

00:50:23 I didn't think about this before.

00:50:25 That's my bookie. He's got a network.

00:50:27 He puts money in a lot of independent movies.

00:50:29 Your bookie? Uh-huh. Well, he books

00:50:31 for all the writers. A good friend

00:50:33 of mine couldn't pay him, right?

00:50:35 So he gave him his script. The picture became a huge hit.

00:50:37 The guy is now hooked on movies.

00:50:39 Hi. I'm Sarah Wilder.

00:50:43 I'm here to see Phil Phillips.

00:50:45 Hey, Phil!

00:50:47 I'm Miss Sarah Wilder here to see you.

00:50:49 Send her in!

00:50:51 Go ahead.

00:50:53 Sarah Wilder.

00:51:01 Any friend of Lou's is a friend of mine.

00:51:03 Actually, I'm his niece. I know that.

00:51:05 So Lou told me a little bit about this picture.

00:51:07 Are there any cars in it?

00:51:09 Yes.

00:51:11 Yeah, you did.

00:51:13 You know, Blue Smoke played with the Griff Grants boys.

00:51:19 Really? I mean, he could have.

00:51:21 ♪ He's got a music box... ♪

00:51:23 Somebody's got the music in him.

00:51:25 Not anymore. Let's see him.

00:51:29 Just drive.

00:51:31 I'm doing stuff over here

00:51:33 you couldn't even comprehend.

00:51:35 Beretta 9mm?

00:51:37 This makes it official.

00:51:39 For crooks. That's cool.

00:51:41 .45? Lucky.

00:51:45 That's an expensive gun.

00:51:47 Only two things nicer than an expensive gun.

00:51:49 That'd be your Swiss watch and your pretty girl.

00:51:51 What's that pretty girl's name? Is it pretty?

00:51:53 Is it pretty?

00:51:55 Yeah, Jolly, yeah, Jolly. Down the ditch, Jolly.

00:51:57 Down the ditch now, Jolly.

00:51:59 That never happens again.

00:52:03 Never.

00:52:05 We live and die by the risk of the heist.

00:52:11 What?

00:52:13 We live and die by the risk of the heist.

00:52:15 What does that mean?

00:52:17 Right now, nothing.

00:52:19 How'd they get this car?

00:52:21 It was Miranda's car. Jimmy's wife.

00:52:23 They didn't steal it or jack it?

00:52:25 No.

00:52:27 Let me get this straight.

00:52:29 They're planning a robbery, and they're gonna use a car that belongs to his wife?

00:52:31 What, are they idiots?

00:52:33 They aren't the two brightest guys in the world.

00:52:35 Hero.

00:52:37 Okay, good one.

00:52:39 Uh, we get in there, and there's a dumb guy who wants to be a hero.

00:52:41 Okay, how dumb are we talking?

00:52:43 All right, everything's going as planned, right?

00:52:45 Smooth as silk, just like clockwork.

00:52:47 All of a sudden, some guy hops up off the floor

00:52:49 and figures, "Hey, this is a good time to get into newspapers.

00:52:51 I'll foil this robbery.

00:52:53 I'm a hero! I'm a hero! React!"

00:52:55 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

00:52:57 All right, you better just dial it down, all right?

00:52:59 Just dial it down, numb-nuts,

00:53:01 before Mr. Thundermaker starts shitting some bullets.

00:53:03 Don't worry, take another one.

00:53:13 This is going great.

00:53:15 You're doing well. Thank you.

00:53:17 Pregnant woman's water poops.

00:53:19 Pops. Pops. Pops.

00:53:21 Pops. Pops. Pops.

00:53:23 Pops. Pops. Pops.

00:53:25 Oh, my God!

00:53:27 I'm having my baby! I'm having my baby!

00:53:29 Blanket of Napalm.

00:53:31 Blanket of Napalm.

00:53:33 (coughing)

00:53:35 (coughing)

00:53:37 (coughing)

00:53:39 Yes.

00:53:41 Morons. This picture's about two morons.

00:53:43 Jimmy and Byrus had practiced

00:53:45 and rehearsed the robbery for days.

00:53:47 It was the hardest work they'd done

00:53:49 since, well, ever.

00:53:51 And there was no turning back.

00:53:53 This was it, their moment of truth.

00:53:55 We just parked the car. We walked the block, the location.

00:53:57 We walked slow. We're just two guys walking.

00:53:59 What if we see cops? It doesn't matter.

00:54:01 We're just two guys walking. We're just two guys that happen to be walking.

00:54:03 We determine the area's secure. Then we move forward.

00:54:05 We're at the entrance. We pull out the guns.

00:54:07 We run in, we grab the money, we run out. How long are we gonna be there?

00:54:09 Two minutes. Two minutes tops. Not two and a half, not three.

00:54:11 Two minutes.

00:54:13 Let's try one.

00:54:15 (music)

00:54:17 You ready?

00:54:31 Candy from a baby.

00:54:33 On your mark, set, go.

00:54:35 What's the name of this store, please?

00:54:43 McClintock's Grocery.

00:54:45 Thank you.

00:54:47 We're here.

00:54:49 Just done some remodeling.

00:54:51 It's nice. (screams)

00:54:53 Not necessary. All right, listen up, people.

00:54:55 This is a robbery.

00:54:57 We don't want any trouble.

00:54:59 So if you want to be stupid,

00:55:01 let's do it now

00:55:03 and get it over with.

00:55:05 Look, nobody plays tough guy but me.

00:55:07 All right?

00:55:09 We have a gun and we got a car.

00:55:11 Okay? So we live and die with the risk of the highest.

00:55:13 Hey, fellas,

00:55:15 there's no need for all the shouting.

00:55:17 If you're here for the peaches,

00:55:19 I'm sure we can work something out.

00:55:21 I think I'm speaking

00:55:23 for the group when I say

00:55:25 nobody here wants to take a bullet.

00:55:27 I know I don't.

00:55:29 Hey, you need to do some shopping?

00:55:31 Great time.

00:55:33 Look, he's cool.

00:55:35 Let's go, huh? Just like we planned.

00:55:37 Look, wipe that Curly Joe smile off your stupid mouth

00:55:39 and just open the register.

00:55:41 You don't have to take that, Lawrence.

00:55:43 Shut up, you apron-wearing,

00:55:45 fake-toothed pie-baking whore.

00:55:47 Whoa, whoa, whoa, come on.

00:55:49 You don't have to be mean. They'll do what we say.

00:55:51 We got guns.

00:55:53 Back off, you beanpole-iccobod-cream motherfucker.

00:55:55 I don't remember rehearsing this part.

00:55:57 This whole thing was your idea,

00:55:59 so if I don't meet your expectations

00:56:01 of what a professional grocery store robber should be,

00:56:03 I'd like to take this time to apologize

00:56:05 in front of all the fine folks here at McClintock's.

00:56:07 Peaches on me!

00:56:09 Hey, uh...

00:56:13 Well, we're a little behind,

00:56:15 but we're still professionals.

00:56:17 We deserve better than this.

00:56:19 No, you don't.

00:56:21 But you know what does?

00:56:23 This cow!

00:56:25 This cow deserves better than this.

00:56:27 You and your big McClintock's market.

00:56:29 I got raw meat.

00:56:31 I am crazy, so let's make for that cash and coin, Colonel Tom.

00:56:33 I'd do it. He ain't right.

00:56:35 Come on, all of it. Say two.

00:56:37 You want to pitch in and help out with this?

00:56:39 All right, now, see, this is why I wanted you to go to the bank.

00:56:41 There's no time for that, dear.

00:56:43 Now, these fellas seem to be in a hurry.

00:56:45 No, you had to watch the dogs.

00:56:47 Let's all pitch in. Come on, please. Come on.

00:56:49 And here's a few more dollars we're gonna say to give to the church,

00:56:51 but you might as well take the whole thing.

00:56:53 Thank you, ma'am.

00:56:57 Take us home.

00:57:01 Clean, that's it! Let's go.

00:57:03 Now!

00:57:05 Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.

00:57:09 Morons. These are the two dumbest guys I ever heard of.

00:57:11 It appeared the Jimmian virus

00:57:13 had actually pulled off a successful robbery

00:57:15 without getting caught.

00:57:17 Anything to do with McClintock's was a big story in town.

00:57:19 So, tell us, were you at the robbery or not?

00:57:23 Yeah.

00:57:27 Yeah, I was there, okay?

00:57:29 Is that what you want to hear?

00:57:31 I was there in the store when the three guys burst in

00:57:33 wearing ski masks, pointing guns and shouting, okay?

00:57:35 We were there, and, uh,

00:57:37 I didn't see a lot.

00:57:39 Did you see a lot?

00:57:41 No, I didn't really see a lot.

00:57:43 No.

00:57:45 Well, I thought they were after the missus at first.

00:57:47 I didn't know what was going on.

00:57:49 My first thought, of course, was the peaches.

00:57:51 And then I thought the missus,

00:57:53 because you never know what two men like this

00:57:55 desperate are gonna do with a beautiful young woman like this.

00:57:57 He didn't get a good, uh, see him, you know,

00:57:59 eyeball him, if you will, you know,

00:58:01 on account of, uh... Circumstances.

00:58:03 Circumstances.

00:58:05 Who am I kidding you?

00:58:07 Let's talk turkey, I'm a freak.

00:58:09 Well, I remember them.

00:58:11 I remember that day was really a bad day for me

00:58:13 'cause I was here by myself

00:58:15 because somebody else

00:58:17 wasn't here with me,

00:58:19 so it was all different.

00:58:21 So I remember that day was really distinctly...

00:58:23 I'd stick the peaches up my ass

00:58:25 if it would do something, sir.

00:58:27 Huh?

00:58:29 I'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault

00:58:31 if I admit that I didn't have this frickin' eye!

00:58:33 Okay, I stole five peaches.

00:58:37 Is that it? Is that what you want to hear?

00:58:39 I stole five peaches, all right?

00:58:41 What did you want me to do?

00:58:43 They were rolling around the floor like a bunch of alleys.

00:58:45 What was I supposed to do? Everybody was taking 'em.

00:58:47 The Samoan took three.

00:58:49 Yeah, there was a Samoan.

00:58:53 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

00:58:55 A really big Filipino.

00:58:57 Excuse me.

00:58:59 Mm-hmm.

00:59:01 Jack! Yeah.

00:59:03 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:59:05 Mm-hmm.

00:59:07 Big Sky Jim in the fourth.

00:59:09 Mm-hmm. Something fishy.

00:59:11 Okay.

00:59:13 No more action in the fourth!

00:59:15 Excuse me.

00:59:17 Anyway, the initial 48 hours after the robbery were crucial.

00:59:19 How Jimmy and Byrus would act

00:59:21 would either mean a successful getaway

00:59:23 or prison.

00:59:25 Do what?

00:59:27 Yeah. Being pulled Ichabod Crane,

00:59:29 the motherfucker.

00:59:31 Yeah, I wanted to, uh...

00:59:35 talk to you about that,

00:59:37 'cause we should definitely discuss that.

00:59:39 Yeah.

00:59:41 Because...

00:59:43 I got really swept up in the moment,

00:59:45 and I'm not proud of it,

00:59:47 but the guy in that store

00:59:49 standing on that counter

00:59:51 and just shouting, berating you...

00:59:53 and the guy sitting on this counter,

00:59:55 um, talking to you...

00:59:57 um, are two...

01:00:01 different guys.

01:00:03 Where's the fella who done all the hollering?

01:00:05 Loved to have a little chinwag with him.

01:00:07 Well, he asked me to tell you that he's sorry.

01:00:11 And that he won't be coming around here anymore.

01:00:13 I know that much.

01:00:15 That you can...

01:00:19 He...

01:00:21 And he also asked me...

01:00:23 to give you this.

01:00:27 A little bit of that. That's what he was...

01:00:31 You should tell him thank you.

01:00:39 I definitely will.

01:00:41 And I would also like to take you out

01:00:45 to dinner or something like that, you know?

01:00:47 I can't even believe we're having this conversation.

01:00:49 Look me in the eye and tell me.

01:00:51 I've never, ever slept with Miranda.

01:00:55 I don't believe you.

01:00:59 I give up.

01:01:01 You give up because you know I'm right.

01:01:03 Do you honestly think

01:01:05 that if I'd ever had sex with her,

01:01:07 even before we met, I wouldn't have brought it up?

01:01:09 That sucks.

01:01:15 Let's talk about something else.

01:01:17 No! No, not now.

01:01:19 Stop it. Just put it out of your mind.

01:01:21 And think about Kennedy

01:01:23 taking a bullet to the back of the head.

01:01:25 It's science. Valid science.

01:01:27 It's been proven.

01:01:29 You're a dick. I'm a dick.

01:01:31 Then you're my balls.

01:01:33 Sunshine, we can ask Trady.

01:01:35 Sean Connery.

01:01:39 Why Sean Connery?

01:01:41 It's the only answer.

01:01:43 Okay.

01:01:45 You're out at some abandoned warehouse, right?

01:01:49 And these guys

01:01:51 got a gun to your head because you gotta blow one of them.

01:01:53 Bring me Sean Connery.

01:01:55 Then, before you begin the actual blow,

01:01:57 you're looking for Sean like,

01:01:59 "Okay, Sean, I'm gonna give you the signal.

01:02:01 "We drop these guys

01:02:03 "and get the hell out of here."

01:02:05 It's foolproof.

01:02:07 Yeah.

01:02:09 What if Sean's not with you?

01:02:11 At least you're blowing one of the grapes, huh?

01:02:13 This is a fucked-up conversation.

01:02:15 Hey, Phil! Somebody here to see you.

01:02:17 Who?

01:02:19 Frankie C.

01:02:21 Frankie C? Jesus Christ, send him back.

01:02:23 Frankie, you son of a bitch.

01:02:25 How you doing?

01:02:27 That was a great...

01:02:29 Say hello to Sarah.

01:02:31 I was just leaving.

01:02:33 No, no. You stay.

01:02:35 She was telling me about this movie.

01:02:37 She's got this movie idea.

01:02:39 You know, she's Lou's niece.

01:02:41 You remember Lou? Nice guy.

01:02:43 She's telling me this story about her idiot cousin.

01:02:45 Go ahead. Tell him.

01:02:47 They just knocked off a peach store.

01:02:49 Actually, it's a grocery store

01:02:51 that specialized in peaches.

01:02:53 Whatever, whatever. Go ahead.

01:02:55 You can't tell me you don't think about getting caught.

01:03:03 What are you doing?

01:03:05 I asked you not to do that.

01:03:07 You can't tell me you don't think about it.

01:03:09 That's great. Thanks a lot. You jinxed us.

01:03:11 That's...

01:03:13 Sorry.

01:03:15 Don't touch me.

01:03:17 Where are you going?

01:03:25 I'm leaving. You tainted the roof.

01:03:27 Now I can never come up here again.

01:03:29 And I paid my rent.

01:03:31 We're not jinxed.

01:03:33 Turn to the right.

01:03:35 Turn to the right.

01:03:37 When I first heard Jimmy was involved,

01:03:43 I didn't want to believe it.

01:03:45 I don't even know what you guys are doing here,

01:03:47 'cause Jimmy and I are completely done.

01:03:49 We were totally separated,

01:03:51 so I don't really have anything to tell you.

01:03:53 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:04:01 So you're gonna send those pictures to the cops?

01:04:03 Yeah, Jimmy's gonna love this.

01:04:05 What, are you kidding me?

01:04:07 The cops are looking all over for me, right?

01:04:09 So by sending them pictures, it shows I'm not scared.

01:04:11 It's the risk of the hunt, baby.

01:04:13 Do not "baby" me.

01:04:15 Are you insane?

01:04:17 They see the photos with me and you,

01:04:19 and they're gonna put two and two together.

01:04:21 It's me they're after. That's right.

01:04:23 I don't even know you. That's right, you don't know me.

01:04:25 Why are you advertising our affiliation?

01:04:27 Patty, Patty, sweet.

01:04:29 Innocent Patty.

01:04:31 Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens to me,

01:04:33 I'm not gonna forget about you.

01:04:35 Where are you from?

01:04:37 What are you not understanding?

01:04:39 They see the photos with me on your lap.

01:04:41 God, I know this is tough for you.

01:04:43 God.

01:04:45 You know, but I need you to stand tall and be strong

01:04:47 and know that no matter what happens,

01:04:49 all right, when a tear runs down your face,

01:04:51 it's not a tear, okay?

01:04:53 It's me just saying I love you.

01:04:55 Do you understand what I'm saying?

01:04:57 Okay, yeah, I think I get it now.

01:04:59 Okay, well, I gotta run.

01:05:01 Pretty face.

01:05:03 Hello?

01:05:19 Yes, who am I speaking with, please?

01:05:21 Well, hello, Officer Sturgis.

01:05:23 This is Dick Panglin. I need you to do me a favor, if you could.

01:05:25 Come and find me, you fat, donut-eating,

01:05:27 wife-beating, sad excuse for a cop.

01:05:29 10-4, 10-4, 10-4!

01:05:31 Take off the glasses.

01:05:35 Uh, excuse me, uh,

01:05:43 but this guy, uh, Cyrus.

01:05:45 Virus. His name's Virus.

01:05:47 Yeah, Virus Cyrus, yeah, yeah.

01:05:49 You say he went to the cops?

01:05:51 Morons, I told you.

01:05:53 Well, not exactly.

01:05:55 Everyone had their own opinion on that.

01:05:57 Feats of courage

01:05:59 combined with nobility of purpose,

01:06:01 that's what these boys are about!

01:06:03 You, you, they--

01:06:05 they don't sit there in judgment

01:06:07 judging other people's idiosyncrasies.

01:06:09 They're confident. You.

01:06:11 What do you do? You ask questions.

01:06:13 They don't ask questions. They give answers.

01:06:15 They do something. You would do well

01:06:17 to be more like them.

01:06:19 That boy just wasn't right in the head.

01:06:21 He used to come in here

01:06:23 all the time and just be, you know,

01:06:25 handling the bread.

01:06:27 Of course, when he was little, he sure did

01:06:31 fall down a lot when his daddy was home.

01:06:33 Virus?

01:06:35 I don't know him.

01:06:37 So what do you think motivated him to rob McClintock's?

01:06:39 I said I know him.

01:06:41 I'm not his mama.

01:06:43 You know, Virus and I have this really special

01:06:45 connection that, um,

01:06:47 that Jimmy just, he can't

01:06:49 understand it, you know what I mean?

01:06:51 He's so lost.

01:06:53 You know, this place wouldn't be so depressing

01:06:57 if you guys just chose a different color scheme.

01:06:59 Maybe get away from your

01:07:01 pastels because a dark color in a dark place

01:07:03 that equals--

01:07:05 equals dark.

01:07:07 You guys need to get brighter.

01:07:09 Your yellows.

01:07:13 Burst of orange. Your blues.

01:07:15 Make a man's day go quicker.

01:07:17 You know, Truman, I'd be willing

01:07:19 to sit down with your commanding officer and discuss it with him

01:07:21 if you think it would help move things along a bit.

01:07:23 Whatever. Whatever. Good response. I guess you win, right?

01:07:25 Got your letter.

01:07:45 I see you met Truman.

01:07:47 You asshole,

01:07:49 you got us caught. You got us caught!

01:07:51 You jinxed us! As your attorney,

01:07:53 I should tell you that

01:07:55 this is my first case, and I'm

01:07:57 at a loss for words.

01:07:59 I have no idea what to do,

01:08:01 and that worries me.

01:08:03 Is everybody in this picture an idiot?

01:08:05 I was just trying to tell the story like how it happened.

01:08:07 Nobody could be that stupid.

01:08:09 Well, you had to know him, especially Jimmy.

01:08:11 That's his nature. You see, they're

01:08:13 very good people. They just got in trouble

01:08:15 for the wrong reasons,

01:08:17 and that's the point I want to make in the film.

01:08:19 If this goes to trial,

01:08:21 we'll need to create some doubt.

01:08:23 We need people to speak on your behalf,

01:08:25 and no one's willing to do that.

01:08:27 Oh, there's going to be somebody.

01:08:29 They're wondered! They're mentioned!

01:08:31 You know what I'm mentioned? That's what those boys are.

01:08:33 You would do well to be more like them.

01:08:35 You're boring.

01:08:37 You, they're on the roof. What? What are you saying?

01:08:39 You on the roof. We need you to come down now.

01:08:43 What? Are you my three o'clock?

01:08:45 I'm sorry. I think it's my three o'clock.

01:08:47 Are you the Goodmans? Yes.

01:08:49 We're the Goodmans. I'm Sarah.

01:08:51 This is my husband, Lester. Now, please,

01:08:53 come down off the roof.

01:08:55 I'm sorry. That's my three o'clock.

01:08:57 Okay. I'll be there in a jiffy, okay?

01:08:59 See,

01:09:01 either you got it or you don't got it.

01:09:03 And this kid,

01:09:05 Virus, he sure don't got it.

01:09:07 You know, Jimmy pretty much did the whole thing

01:09:09 to impress me.

01:09:11 And he's just sort of driven

01:09:13 by his love for me.

01:09:15 And he's so gangly, you know?

01:09:17 He's like a little thin...

01:09:19 I don't know, anyway.

01:09:21 McClintocks are well respected in the community.

01:09:23 And you two have pissed off

01:09:25 that community.

01:09:27 Those God-kissed peaches put this city on the map.

01:09:29 They said, "Let's have everything

01:09:31 in the safe."

01:09:33 Well, I handed it to them. They were out the door,

01:09:35 and I wanted to say, "I let you down.

01:09:37 I didn't give you everything I had

01:09:39 in the safe." And I was going to run after them,

01:09:41 and the missus said, "No, uh,

01:09:43 they made their bed. Let them lie in it."

01:09:45 No, we added that to the insurance

01:09:47 cla...

01:09:49 Gentlemen,

01:09:51 I've gone over your case almost three

01:09:53 times. And

01:09:55 I'm sorry to say, but I don't see any loopholes.

01:09:57 There's no way around this evidence.

01:09:59 You're gonna be in here for a while.

01:10:01 Either you were born with the gift or you're not.

01:10:03 I hate to break it to you.

01:10:05 You were born without

01:10:07 the gift.

01:10:09 Oh,

01:10:11 sinner man,

01:10:13 can't you hear me say?

01:10:15 Oh, God.

01:10:17 Oh.

01:10:19 So you're jealous.

01:10:21 Yeah. You're jealous because

01:10:23 I unleashed the music in me.

01:10:25 Kill me.

01:10:27 Somebody, anybody,

01:10:29 please kill me.

01:10:31 Alright, lights out.

01:10:35 Me too.

01:10:37 Oh, and, uh, whose

01:10:39 bright idea was it to send

01:10:41 those photographs to the police?

01:10:43 They knew you were mocking

01:10:47 them.

01:10:49 Yes, I know

01:10:51 virus. Yes, we slept

01:10:53 together. I got it lit.

01:10:55 Great. And yes, that may be

01:10:57 me in the picture with him.

01:10:59 But the money I was counting is my money.

01:11:01 Money I busted my... Quit it!

01:11:03 The money I busted my ass to get.

01:11:05 I'm not gonna bullshit you.

01:11:07 Quit it! I'm sorry.

01:11:09 You're not sorry. You always fucking

01:11:11 keep at me and at me. You're picking at me.

01:11:13 I wanted to touch you. Just shut up.

01:11:15 You fucking retard.

01:11:17 I'm not retarded. Look, I'm not...

01:11:19 You are retarded. No, I'm not.

01:11:21 You are retarded. I've got some

01:11:23 schooling.

01:11:25 I've got some schooling.

01:11:27 Don't lose hope, fellas. Because, listen,

01:11:29 from what I've heard, there's

01:11:31 a judge in the Fifth Circuit Court

01:11:33 who can maybe get you a lighter sentence. Maybe

01:11:35 as little as eight years.

01:11:37 Jimmy and Virus tried to make the

01:11:41 best of their incarceration.

01:11:43 They started a congenial con policy

01:11:45 and tried to meet at least one new felon a day.

01:11:47 With this new approach, they met

01:11:49 arsonists, armed robbers,

01:11:51 and even some interesting murderers.

01:11:53 Hey, you Harold Gay?

01:11:55 Who wants to know?

01:11:57 My name's Jimmy.

01:11:59 Oh, yeah, you and your buddy

01:12:01 Robin Clintocks.

01:12:03 Yeah. That took balls.

01:12:05 Yeah.

01:12:07 Say,

01:12:09 Harold, uh,

01:12:11 what if I ask you a question?

01:12:13 No. I didn't kill my

01:12:15 grandma.

01:12:17 I know I talked a lot about it. I

01:12:19 even write about it in my journal, but

01:12:21 that's because that's what I am, a writer,

01:12:23 not a killer.

01:12:25 Now that I'm in here, I can write all

01:12:27 I want.

01:12:29 Pass the time, I do a bit of reading, too.

01:12:31 I read.

01:12:33 I'm a reader.

01:12:35 You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith.

01:12:41 Uh,

01:12:45 what kind of stuff you read?

01:12:47 You know, I like to read a lot of books about,

01:12:49 you know, leadership and

01:12:51 free thinking. They taught me to

01:12:53 realize just what I am, you know?

01:12:55 Yeah, I do know.

01:12:57 I mean, it's your life. You want to live it on your terms, right?

01:12:59 Yeah, I think of myself as a sure

01:13:01 thinker, you know, a leader,

01:13:03 you know?

01:13:05 My grandma, though, man, she was always telling me what to do,

01:13:07 you know? I hated that.

01:13:09 I don't like people telling me what to do. I'm the same way.

01:13:11 Finally, I meet somebody who gets it.

01:13:13 Yeah, 'cause I'm a leader, not a follower.

01:13:15 I don't follow. I don't follow.

01:13:17 I lead. I'm the same way.

01:13:19 Did I kill my grandma?

01:13:23 No, I didn't kill her, man.

01:13:25 Oh, man, but sometimes she just wouldn't

01:13:27 let up, you know?

01:13:29 Follow me around the house like a parrot on my

01:13:31 shoulder, you know? Into my ear

01:13:33 every five minutes, you know? Don't forget to

01:13:35 dot your I's. Don't forget to cross your

01:13:37 T's, you know? She'd jump on a

01:13:39 vein and suck it dry, you know

01:13:41 what I'm saying? Over and over.

01:13:43 Tomato dumplings,

01:13:45 man.

01:13:47 Why would it...

01:13:49 Why would any woman get up in the morning and decide

01:13:51 that I like tomato dumplings?

01:13:53 What's up with that? I never even knew what

01:13:55 one was until it showed up on my plate, huh?

01:13:57 What kind of sick game is she playing, huh?

01:13:59 No, I didn't kill her.

01:14:01 You know what? Whoever did kill her,

01:14:03 man, they were right on, man.

01:14:05 See this journal?

01:14:07 This journal's my escape.

01:14:09 This journal's my way out, huh?

01:14:11 The only way to keep my head clear is to write

01:14:13 short stories about corking up her

01:14:15 mouth hole, huh?

01:14:17 [slurping]

01:14:19 [slurping]

01:14:21 What are you working on now?

01:14:27 Oh, it's a short story about my brother's wife.

01:14:29 It's called "You and Your Goddamn Pies."

01:14:31 Okay, I'm gonna

01:14:33 step off for a minute.

01:14:35 I gotta get going. Uh, Harold,

01:14:37 I want you to have a very nice day.

01:14:39 It's supposed to rain.

01:14:41 Hey.

01:14:43 You know, Hitler was a leader.

01:14:45 Okay.

01:14:47 Are we rolling?

01:14:49 Okay, uh, hey, Jimmy!

01:14:51 Jimmy!

01:14:53 Pay attention, okay? I want to ask you

01:14:55 a question. What?

01:14:57 What were you thinking?

01:14:59 What are you--

01:15:01 Look, you know,

01:15:03 we weren't waiting around for any handouts,

01:15:05 if that's what you mean. You know, we saw what we wanted,

01:15:07 and we went out and took it. That's what makes

01:15:09 America, America.

01:15:11 You see something you want, and you figure out

01:15:13 how to get it. And I did

01:15:15 what I did.

01:15:17 I didn't like people telling me what to do.

01:15:19 Hey, Jimmy, break's over.

01:15:21 You got a prison to paint. Let's go.

01:15:23 Well, you know,

01:15:25 looking back on it

01:15:27 now, I suppose

01:15:29 I suppose I do some things differently.

01:15:31 You know,

01:15:33 I don't even know if I'd do it again.

01:15:35 [music]

01:15:37 What do you want?

01:15:55 Well, I wanted to see you.

01:15:59 And I figured you'd want to see me, too.

01:16:01 Why would I want to see you?

01:16:03 Because, uh,

01:16:05 you know, you told me to get my shit together,

01:16:07 and I have. You've been here five months.

01:16:09 You're in jail. I don't call that getting your shit

01:16:11 together.

01:16:13 I'm a professional.

01:16:15 And I

01:16:17 wrote you a poem.

01:16:19 Oh, no, don't. You're not gonna

01:16:21 read it, are you? Jimmy, Jimmy.

01:16:23 You have sunk to new depths, Jimmy.

01:16:25 Jimmy, if you read that, we are both

01:16:27 gonna be so embarrassed, okay?

01:16:29 No, we won't.

01:16:31 Yes, I will. So, if you want to

01:16:33 give me something, just make me a license plate

01:16:35 or something.

01:16:37 My Miranda.

01:16:39 My Jimmy Cookie.

01:16:41 Poor sweet thing.

01:16:45 I've put you through so much.

01:16:47 I want nothing more than just

01:16:49 to feel your touch. Okay, please

01:16:51 don't do this, Jimmy. Jimmy, please.

01:16:53 When I'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking,

01:16:55 they tell me to shut up, get back,

01:16:59 break it. Oh, God.

01:17:01 So, for the state

01:17:05 in my filth I've wallowed,

01:17:07 and for you, my love, my pride,

01:17:09 I've swallowed.

01:17:11 Okay, that's

01:17:13 just darling. I think

01:17:15 this can't be true. I shouldn't be

01:17:17 here. I should be at home

01:17:19 protecting you.

01:17:21 But I'm not.

01:17:25 Oh, my God.

01:17:27 I've got to get out of here.

01:17:29 Thanks for listening and making the long drive.

01:17:31 I really appreciate it.

01:17:33 Careful on the drive home.

01:17:35 People are nuts out there.

01:17:37 Okay.

01:17:45 I love you.

01:17:47 This summer, Virus comes over and he's like helping me

01:17:49 paint the kitchen, right? And, um,

01:17:51 Jimmy gets in his head

01:17:53 that I want to sleep with

01:17:55 Virus, which would fucking kill Virus, right?

01:17:57 I mean, he's just

01:17:59 so pathetic.

01:18:01 Hey, Virus?

01:18:05 Virus?

01:18:07 Can you help me out here?

01:18:09 There's something I'm not clear on.

01:18:11 Let's hear it.

01:18:13 Was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught?

01:18:15 Or was I the one who said

01:18:17 if you think it, it'll happen?

01:18:19 See, 'cause I remember

01:18:21 hearing it. I just don't remember

01:18:23 if that was me saying it to you or you saying it to me.

01:18:25 Oh, right.

01:18:27 Right. Now I remember. Right.

01:18:29 I was the one who said nothing exists,

01:18:31 thinking makes it so,

01:18:33 you were the one who kept willing us

01:18:35 to get caught.

01:18:37 That's right. Now I got it.

01:18:39 And did we get caught?

01:18:41 I forget.

01:18:43 Sure.

01:18:45 Sure we did. Right.

01:18:47 We're raking 'cause we have to,

01:18:49 not 'cause we enjoy it.

01:18:51 Right.

01:18:53 We're in prison right now. That's right.

01:18:55 So I was right,

01:18:57 and you got us caught.

01:18:59 Right? That's right.

01:19:01 Okay. Right.

01:19:03 Hey, Virus?

01:19:05 Do me a favor, would ya?

01:19:07 Do not think about us dying a slow, painful

01:19:09 death in prison, okay?

01:19:11 And above all, don't think about

01:19:13 what's in your heart of hearts.

01:19:15 Your heart of hearts!

01:19:17 'Cause that's where us getting caught lives.

01:19:19 Admit it, Rockstar, you got us caught.

01:19:21 Yeah, I guess so.

01:19:25 A war sign, son?

01:19:29 I can't hear you. What are you deaf, son?

01:19:31 No, I'm not deaf.

01:19:33 I was just thinking.

01:19:35 About fucking Miranda.

01:19:37 You asshole!

01:19:39 I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I'm kidding!

01:19:41 That's right.

01:19:47 The only thing that kept Jimmy going

01:19:49 was blaming Virus for jinxing them

01:19:51 and to get out by any means possible.

01:19:53 Escape, if necessary.

01:19:55 Just a couple of cons. A sweep them.

01:19:57 Don't want no trouble here, boss, 'cause I'm just a sweeper.

01:19:59 Look at all the trash.

01:20:01 You ready?

01:20:03 I'm ready.

01:20:05 On your mark.

01:20:07 Get set.

01:20:11 Go!

01:20:13 [all shouting]

01:20:15 [all shouting]

01:20:17 [all shouting]

01:20:23 You...

01:20:33 You said...

01:20:35 It wasn't...

01:20:37 Electrified?

01:20:39 I was kidding.

01:20:41 I was kidding.

01:20:43 [sobbing]

01:20:45 [sobbing]

01:20:47 Oh.

01:20:51 I'm not gonna bullshit you.

01:20:53 I don't have the time, and if you fucking touch me...

01:20:55 Sorry.

01:20:57 And you don't have the film.

01:20:59 But if you need some, I can hook you up.

01:21:01 Not good film, though.

01:21:03 Really cheap film.

01:21:05 Yeah, take it from a retard.

01:21:07 Cheap.

01:21:09 He knows about film quality.

01:21:11 You're not gonna laugh at me.

01:21:13 Yeah, make a wish.

01:21:15 Nah, I still got the fucking eye.

01:21:19 Yeah, I was there.

01:21:21 I'm really glad those guys robbed McClintock's.

01:21:23 As far as I'm concerned,

01:21:25 those boys did a service to the community.

01:21:27 Those boys are heroes.

01:21:29 Jimmy and Byron's big day finally arrived.

01:21:31 Their first meeting in front of the parole board.

01:21:33 Well, I hope you've learned a few things

01:21:35 while you've been here in the last six months.

01:21:37 Absolutely.

01:21:39 Sure did.

01:21:41 All right, I'll take that as a yes.

01:21:43 Yes.

01:21:45 Okay.

01:21:47 And since neither of you actually use any live ammo,

01:21:51 I suppose we have no choice

01:21:53 but to reluctantly return you to society.

01:21:58 We, uh, never intended to harm anyone.

01:22:02 We respect that and appreciate your honesty.

01:22:05 Now, once you go through that door to the outside,

01:22:07 I don't want to see you back in here again.

01:22:11 Not while I'm here.

01:22:13 And I'm going to be here.

01:22:15 All right, that's all.

01:22:17 Get up.

01:22:19 Goodbye.

01:22:21 Thank you.

01:22:23 What if they can't find Sean Connery?

01:22:30 Then it's considered a forfeit.

01:22:32 Come on, that doesn't make any sense.

01:22:34 And I'd pick Churchill, you know?

01:22:37 Everybody picks some guy they know they can't get.

01:22:40 That's cheating.

01:22:42 You're making up these rules as you go along, I think.

01:22:45 That's your opinion.

01:22:47 Come on, you're making up the rules.

01:22:49 Opinion?

01:22:51 Got you a little something-something.

01:22:53 What?

01:22:55 Thanks.

01:22:56 Wow! A Mississippi Blue Smoke-O-Lotica.

01:22:59 Yeah.

01:23:01 These are commemoratives. They only made a million of these.

01:23:04 I was able to track one down.

01:23:06 I'm going to head in, let her know I'm home, show her this.

01:23:11 Oh, she's going to love that.

01:23:13 I get a feeling she is.

01:23:15 Yeah.

01:23:17 All right, take care.

01:23:20 Of course.

01:23:22 This is the right thing?

01:23:37 You be strong.

01:23:38 See you, man.

01:23:39 Yeah, seriously, it's been fun.

01:23:41 Had a blast.

01:23:42 Right back at you.

01:23:44 Take it easy.

01:23:46 You too.

01:23:47 Thanks again.

01:23:49 Good luck.

01:23:57 Thanks.

01:23:59 [sighs]

01:24:01 I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here!

01:24:26 I'm serious!

01:24:28 Get out!

01:24:30 I'm just going to look over here.

01:24:51 I like it.

01:24:56 So, that's how it got made.

01:24:58 It might not be the best film in the world, but it's my first film, and I got it made.

01:25:03 I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance, and of course, my Uncle Lou.

01:25:08 So if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie, find an Uncle Lou.

01:25:12 Or better yet, find a bookie who has an oddly-paired shop who loves the movie.

01:25:17 Uncle Lou!

01:25:20 We did it.

01:25:22 Sweetheart, you did it.

01:25:24 Of course.

01:25:26 Remember, nobody knows.

01:25:28 You're killing me here, Phil.

01:25:35 Uncle Lou, you're like a bank, you always pay off.

01:25:38 Ha ha ha ha. You're killing me, you know that? You're busting my balls.

01:25:41 Get a good count.

01:25:42 I got the big rush covered, don't worry about it.

01:25:44 It's all right. I love you anyway.

01:25:46 Don't touch.

01:25:48 I think you might be...

01:25:50 It's all there.

01:25:52 Oh, sure.

01:25:54 'Cause nobody knows what the future holds.

01:25:56 Nobody knows anything 'til it goes.

01:25:58 It takes off to the next level of the game.

01:26:00 Until then, you don't know a damn thing.

01:26:02 Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows.

01:26:06 How to explain the things that nobody knows.

01:26:10 People do these things, they play and act like you know.

01:26:15 But nobody, not even you, woman.

01:26:17 Nobody knows, nobody knows.

01:26:19 Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows.

01:26:23 How to explain the things that nobody knows.

01:26:28 People do these things, they play and act like you know.

01:26:32 But nobody, not even you, woman.

01:26:35 Nobody knows, nobody knows.

01:26:37 ♪♪

01:26:47 ♪♪

01:26:57 ♪♪

01:27:07 ♪♪

01:27:17 ♪♪

01:27:27 ♪♪

01:27:37 ♪♪

01:27:47 ♪♪

01:27:57 ♪♪

01:28:07 ♪♪

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