IT'S PUNKERING TIME. After 7 years, CM Punk might just be returning to wrestling TONIGHT. Like Indiana Jones sliding under the closing slab, Adam's here for a last-minute attempt to do it better.
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00:00 Just when you think you've got the answers, I change the WrestleTalk. Again, that doesn't
00:05 mean anything but people enjoy reading into stuff. Ooh, cryptic messages. Numbers.
00:11 I'm Adam, hailing from partsFUNknown, so you might be aware that I did a booking video about
00:18 CM Punk's return to WWE back in May. That was fine, wasn't it? A bit of fun,
00:23 resting assured in the knowledge that after seven years away and nary a peep,
00:28 CM Punk would probably never return and my work would never be held up to any kind of actual
00:34 scrutiny. Well, f*** you too, Phil. Yes, two months after that video came out,
00:40 reports began circulating that CM Punk was in talks for an in-ring return. I just want to say,
00:46 everyone, you're welcome. I did it, everyone. I brought him back. I did it. Put more applause
00:52 in the edit, Simon. Put more applause in the edit, Simon. No, but seriously, though,
00:56 AEW became the rumored destination for CM Punk and AEW began doing some very big
01:02 eyes looking to the left emoji things like Darby Allin talking about the best in the world,
01:07 the Young Bucks hitting some of Punk's signature moves and other little things like, oh, I don't
01:11 know, booking the United Center in Chicago for the second episode of Rampage, an episode of Weekly
01:17 Television, a venue that holds double the number of seats at the venue they booked for their
01:22 all out pay-per-view. And that episode airs tonight. It's bookering time. TikTok to CM
01:31 Punk have everyone's attention now. So everyone thinks that CM Punk returns to wrestling
01:36 tonight. Holy moly. AEW have all but said he's debuting tonight. If he doesn't,
01:42 Chicago is going to burn the United Center down. So no pressure. And this is going to be
01:48 massively exposing. Probably I'm about to run a booking which AEW could do better in less than 24
01:55 hours. What's life without a little bit of excitement and hubris with time almost running out?
02:00 CM Punk's AEW debut. Let me have a go.
02:05 So just before I start, I do want to be transparent about a couple of things. This
02:13 booking will be similar to some elements of my CM Punk and WWE booking. I'll be booking a few
02:17 different feuds, not necessarily one big storyline. Again, I don't think CM Punk needs a stable. A
02:23 bunch of feuds based on, first of all, A, the most interesting version of CM Punk's character in 2021.
02:29 I still have a pretty strong opinion that CM Punk is someone who should not give a shit about anyone
02:34 but himself. And B, like I mentioned in my previous video, Punk is a name. And to AEW,
02:39 that's still what he's most useful as. A marquee name to bring them closer and closer to outdrawing
02:44 WWE. So you need to use Punk in that way as a draw, not necessarily to the AEW loyalists who
02:52 are going to tune into Dynamite every week anyway, but rather to the lapsed WWE fans who can't be
02:58 bothered to learn a new roster's worth of people. Simply put, if you're spending the amount of money
03:03 to bring Punk in that Punk is worth, you probably want that money back in new eyes on the product.
03:09 So keep that in mind for some of the directions I'm going in. We start on Rampage tonight. Oh God,
03:16 it's tonight. And one of the biggest, if not the biggest, long running storylines on AEW is Adam
03:21 Page and how his disbelief in himself is not just tearing himself apart, but also his friendship
03:27 with the Dark Order. We've seen the Dark Order leave Adam Page to a beating at the hands of the
03:32 elite because that's what he wanted. Well, there's one person that that what he wanted doesn't sit
03:38 right with, and that's Colt Cabana. Cabana comes out in front of the Chicago crowd, his people,
03:44 his hometown. He talks about Adam Page, about the times they've been through together, about how
03:49 sometimes when your friend doesn't believe in themselves, then yeah, maybe you do know what's
03:54 best for them more than they do. Adam, if you can hear this, please come down. Do do do do do,
04:04 and you better believe Tony Khan's paying for Colt personality. Punk walks down to the ring
04:11 front of the Chicago fans, stands opposite Colt Cabana, former best friends. We've had a very
04:18 public falling out. The theme of friendship, loyalty, friends drifting apart all in the air.
04:24 The two Chicago natives stand face to face to each other in Chicago. Slowly they walk towards each
04:29 other, smile, and then hug. Punk then raises a microphone to his lips and then blasts Cabana
04:37 in the head with it. Turn Punk heel on night one because if anyone can, it's Punk. He ruins Cabana,
04:44 blasts him over and over again with chair shots, picks him up for the GTS, but refuses to hit it.
04:50 Throws him out of the ring for the dark order to collect him. They take him back to be treated.
04:54 Punk gets on the mic and he says, you guys still like me, right? I mean, this is AEW. I'm the guy
05:00 the other guys couldn't get. So you must like me, right? I'm playing for your team now because Tony
05:06 Khan bought me for one year. He reached into his daddy's big pocket and laid more silver across my
05:12 palm than I've ever seen in my entire life. And that brought you all not a summer of Punk, but one
05:19 year of CM Punk. And after that, I'm gone. I'm going to go back to my TV show heels, catch it
05:26 on stars every week because I don't know how much clearer I can make it. I don't care because after
05:33 all of this time, it's not me. It's you. This sets up Punk versus Cabana at All Out in Chicago.
05:41 Punk's first match back despite personal issues, someone who knows him very well in the ring,
05:45 two Chicago natives in Chicago with real life painted all over. And I honestly mean no disrespect
05:50 to either Punk or Cabana with this. I know that they probably wouldn't be interested in working
05:55 together, but in a perfect world, this just syncs up all along the line. Debut Chicago real life.
06:02 It syncs up too perfectly to not do it. Punk beats Cabana with the GTS, but in the main event of the
06:07 show, Kenny Omega beats Christian because of course he does. Afterwards, Punk continues to
06:12 heal over AEW on Dynamite Rampage and his continued disrespect leads him into conflict with the Dark
06:18 Order and the returning Adam Page. Page returns to stick up for someone who stuck up for him.
06:23 That's the cowboy code. And Punk berates Page. This, he says, this is why you fail because your
06:31 so-called friends encourage you to poison your body with alcohol. And this leads to AEW Grand
06:38 Slam. The show opens with CM Punk versus Adam Page. Before the match, Punk cuts a promo. I'm
06:45 the story, not Page. I am the story. I'll make more money in one year than Page will in his
06:50 entire career. And I'm not going to sink mine to the bottom of a bottle. Punk and Page wrestle,
06:55 and Punk is going to cheat when again Cabana and the Dark Order comes out to stop him. Page hits
07:00 the Buckshot Lariat, beats CM Punk, one, two, three. This accomplishes two things. A huge win
07:05 like this puts Page back in the title picture. And now Punk is pissed because later that very
07:11 same night, Bryan Danielson debuts, cuts an impassioned babyface promo about AEW,
07:18 why he's there, who he wants to wrestle, doesn't mention Punk. He gets through his entire speech,
07:23 walks back up the ramp when he's blindsided by a furious CM Punk. Humiliated from being beaten
07:28 earlier in the night, Punk assaults Bryan Danielson, pile drivers him once, twice, three times
07:35 on exposed concrete. While Bryan is out nursing an injury, Punk cuts promo after promo about how
07:40 Bryan Danielson is only a big star because he left. Because he didn't feel like wrestling,
07:45 the guy Danielson ended up beating at WrestleMania 30. Bryan should be on his hands and knees kissing
07:50 Punk's feet, thanking him every day for leaving. But, says CM Punk, the moment I sign somewhere
07:55 else, in he comes to try and scoop what it is I'm working for. This leads to full gear, a card sold
08:00 to two different audiences on two different matches. Sold to the lapsed WWE fans on Punk
08:06 vs. Danielson. Sold to the AEW faithful on Adam Page vs. Kenny Omega for the AEW Championship.
08:13 One year almost to the day that Omega beat Page in that tournament final. Over the course of their
08:17 match, Punk repeatedly focuses on the head and neck of Bryan Danielson and exploits this in order
08:22 to beat him. Then later in the main event, Adam Page kicks out of the One Winged Angel at one,
08:27 recovers, hits the Buckshot Lariat and pins Kenny Omega to become the new AEW Champion.
08:32 He's held aloft by the Dark Order happiness forever. On Dynamite, Punk is cutting another
08:36 of his heel promos when he's interrupted by Eddie Kingston. For the sheer reason that
08:41 Punk vs. Eddie Kingston in a promo battle is something the world needs manifesting into
08:44 existence. Kingston talks about how Punk thinks he's from the Chicago streets, that he thinks he's
08:49 a survivor. He hasn't survived nothing. The biggest thing about you is your name, and the man underneath
08:53 that name has gone soft. Writing comic books that don't sell and getting your ass beaten UFC in,
08:58 oh how many seconds was it? This leads to Punk vs. Eddie Kingston at the Dynamite Anniversary
09:04 Show in October, which Punk wins, but then takes it too far when he locks in the Anaconda Vice
09:08 after the match for hitting his special, the Piledriver on exposed concrete. This puts Eddie
09:13 Kingston out for the foreseeable. And in the meantime, Punk racks up a bunch of wins in AEW,
09:18 and so has former champ Kenny Omega, which leads to a number one contendership match
09:22 at Winter is Coming. CM Punk vs. Kenny Omega get those ratings. Two men talking about being the
09:29 best in the world. Proper WWE vs. AEW undertones. Punk tells Omega that Omega's been the best
09:36 everywhere, except, you know, where it matters. Omega tells Punk that he's about to make Punk
09:41 more relevant than he's ever been. At the match, Omega beats CM Punk, thanks in part to interference
09:48 from Jon Moxley avenging the assault on his friend from weeks before. Which kicks off the feud heading
09:54 into Revolution. CM Punk vs. Jon Moxley, another ex-WWE vs. ex-WWE guy. I get that, but again,
10:01 I'm trying to use Punk as that magna bringing in the casual and lost WWE fans, hook them onto a
10:07 pay-per-view with a big match like that they recognize, then see if they stick around because
10:12 of stuff like the main event, which is going to be Adam Page vs. Kenny Omega in some sort of
10:17 famit upper notch, let's say an Ironman match. Also Punk vs. Moxley on promos would be f*cking
10:22 money. Two men who've walked away from companies who've mistreated them, but Moxley chose AEW,
10:27 whereas Punk just cashed their check. Two men so similar they're destined to hate each other,
10:33 meeting in a street fight on pay-per-view, which Moxley wins because Moxley is like 36 at this
10:38 point, CM Punk's 43. That's just the maths on that. Although it should be booked that Punk and
10:42 Moxley go to war. Punk fights like hell, the commentators pick up on that. After the match,
10:47 Moxley raises Punk up, they look at each other, they recognize how similar they are,
10:51 no handshake, nothing like that. Punk just looks at Moxley and walks away. That's all,
10:57 just the start of a face turn. Also Hangman Page retains his title against Kenny Omega,
11:03 obviously. We've got two major pay-per-views left in the year of Punk in AEW, double or nothing,
11:08 and all out. Two feuds left and my god one of them has to be, bring up the picture,
11:14 look how small he is. Punk versus MJF. We're winding up on Punk's time in the company,
11:21 used his name to try and drum up as many new fans as possible. Now while he can still go at 43,
11:27 let's turn him tweener and use him to put over some AEW stars. MJF and The Pinnacle are trying
11:33 to recruit Punk. MJF just wants someone with Punk's experience, shall we say, a veteran on the team
11:40 who's old as f**k. Someone to act as MJF's advisor and Punk slaps the s**t out of him.
11:46 CM Punk versus MJF is a feud based on lots and lots of talking. The student and the master,
11:51 the two intensely charismatic stars that made themselves into hot s**t because they are actually
11:56 able to make people believe them on the microphone and draw actual hate in a world where everyone's
12:03 in on the joke. The match is set for double or nothing. MJF versus Punk, also on the card,
12:07 Adam Page convinces Cody to go back on his promise never to challenge for the AEW Championship
12:12 because it's double or nothing. It's AEW's biggest show of the year. He wants Cody so that Hangman
12:17 can finally believe he's beaten the best and the biggest AEW has to offer. At double or nothing,
12:23 MJF beats Punk through the numbers game to establish himself as the number one charismatic
12:28 twat in all of wrestling. And on AEW's biggest stage, Cody turns heel to win the AEW Championship
12:36 and finally achieve the inevitable destiny of becoming AEW's Triple H. He who destroys the chair
12:43 must one day become the chair. And because I don't know how to end CM Punk bookings without
12:48 him facing some form of Triple H, this leads to All Out and the final match of CM Punk's contract
12:54 where he tries to replicate his greatest magic trick of beating the world champion on his last
12:59 night in the company. If Punk wins, Tony Khan will extend his contract for one more year at an even
13:05 more ludicrous sum. If Punk loses, contract expires, he's gone. So Punk is more face in this
13:12 match than Cody, but he's still fighting for money. He's fighting for himself, which at least
13:15 honors everything that's come before in this journey. Punk tells Cody he's seen all of this,
13:21 this before. And rather than stop it at the time, he walked away. He's not walking away now,
13:29 not without the AEW Championship. At All Out in Chicago in front of my hometown,
13:34 I'm taking that championship. But he does not. Cody cheats to beat CM Punk and Punk leaves his
13:41 boots in the ring in Chicago, Illinois, after one very big payday of a year, helping bring eyes to
13:48 an underdog promotion, but also then continuing on with his life. Because I just really don't
13:54 think Punk wants to be doing this. I mean, just let him go back to writing comic books and writing,
14:01 being in heels. Is that what it's called? Heels. Go watch Heels on Starz. CM Punk. Anyway,
14:08 it's a story that begins and ends in Chicago. One that I feel hopefully helps AEW in the way that I
14:19 think CM Punk should be helping AEW. Do not spend all your money on keeping him for ages, but bring
14:27 in the people who want to see Punk Brian, Punk Moxley, Punk Cody, and Punk Omega. And Punk Peck.
14:36 That is how I would book CM Punk's AEW debut. Do you massively disagree? Let me know in the
14:42 comments. Don't forget to like, share this video around if you enjoyed it, and subscribe
14:46 to PartsFunKnown so you never miss a booking or a silly list or any of the silly things that we're
14:52 doing. Like, for example, the fantasy booking tournament we're running at the moment. Isn't
14:56 that exciting? There's an episode of that tomorrow. It's got Sully and Laurie in it.
15:01 That's going to be great. Jam that jam. Bye-bye. Jam that jam. This is like a 12-year-old boy's
15:07 bedroom in here. Jam that jam.
15:11 [BLANK_AUDIO]