May your holidays be a complete disaster! Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for movies for people who don’t like Christmas but want something that’s technically a Christmas movie.
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00:00 "And what did Santa bring you, honey?"
00:02 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for movies for people who don't like Christmas,
00:10 but want something that's technically a Christmas movie.
00:12 "Now I have another reason to hate Christmas."
00:14 "Okay, what are you talking about?"
00:18 Number 10, "Violent Night".
00:20 "All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus running around here?"
00:24 In this movie, a family is being held hostage by mercenaries, and it's up to Santa Claus to save the day.
00:29 However, instead of using the magic of Christmas love, this Santa uses weapons and violent means and takes no prisoners.
00:36 "Your mommy and I give you the presents, and we save them from Santa.
00:40 He's not coming to save us, he doesn't exist."
00:44 While we still root for Santa in this movie, it's nonetheless disturbing to see Saint Nick hacking apart bad guys,
00:50 leaving a bad taste in our mouths.
00:52 In some ways, "Violent Night" is a throwback to movies like "Home Alone" and "Die Hard",
00:56 but commits to going over the top with its absurd premise.
00:59 "You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them.
01:03 You little moron."
01:07 Number 9, "Trading Places".
01:09 "I bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus.
01:12 There you are."
01:14 "Five dollars."
01:17 A commodities trader played by Dan Aykroyd and a street hustler played by Eddie Murphy
01:22 have their roles reversed as part of a bet between two wealthy brothers.
01:25 After they find out what the brothers did to them,
01:27 Aykroyd and Murphy's characters decide to get revenge, which is hardly a Christmas virtue.
01:32 "Do you have any better ideas?"
01:33 "Yeah, you know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people."
01:39 Cruel and unusual, "Trading Places" is a wildly politically incorrect movie from the glory days of the 1980s.
01:46 Whenever Christmas is brought up in the movie,
01:48 it's always sent up with actions that counter the sentiment that is generally expected in a holiday film.
01:53 "So you're thinking, 'Hey, we're losing all our damn money and Christmas is around the corner,
01:57 and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the GI Joe with the kung fu grip, okay?'"
02:01 Number 8, "The Nice Guys".
02:02 "Some went up, some went down, nothing changes. Just like you said."
02:08 Writer-director Shane Black sure does like to use Christmas as the backdrop to his movies,
02:12 as he also did in his screenplay to the earlier "Lethal Weapon".
02:16 Aside from the last scene of the movie that takes place at a bar during a Christmas party,
02:20 "The Nice Guys" doesn't have much to do with the holiday.
02:23 "You know, nobody got hurt."
02:25 "I think people got hurt."
02:27 "I'm saying I think they died quickly though, so I don't think that they got hurt."
02:30 A private eye played by Ryan Gosling and an enforcer played by Russell Crowe
02:33 team up to find a missing young woman.
02:35 The movie is full of wild twists and turns,
02:38 and it's a fun film to tune into if you only want something tangentially related to Christmas
02:42 instead of watching another Hallmark movie.
02:44 "To the birds?"
02:45 "Hallelujah."
02:48 Number 7, "Brazil".
02:50 "And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless us, everyone."
02:55 Co-written and directed by Monty Python veteran Terry Gilliam,
02:59 "Brazil" is a dark comedy about a dystopian government which is horribly incompetent and
03:03 inefficient.
03:04 Set around Christmas, the film is also a satirical commentary on consumerism,
03:09 and the holiday season is treated as one giant excuse for mindless consumption.
03:13 "So what would you like for Christmas?"
03:15 "I am credit card."
03:18 In the film's opening scene, the government raids a house on Christmas Eve to apprehend
03:22 a suspected terrorist.
03:24 Unfortunately, it's a case of mistaken identity which results in an innocent man dying under
03:29 detention.
03:30 Terrific performances from supporting actors like Robert De Niro and Michael Palin add
03:34 to the cynical feel of the film.
03:36 "Father, Christmas can't come if we haven't got a chimney."
03:40 "You'll see."
03:40 Number 6, "Batman Returns".
03:43 "Your beauty and the beast in one luscious Christmas gift pack."
03:50 Tim Burton's Batman sequel is one of those summer blockbusters that for some reason is
03:54 set around Christmas.
03:56 Since this is Gotham, there are a lot of dark and depressing things happening around the
04:00 yuletide season, from Penguin's parents abandoning him as a baby in the opening scene,
04:04 to the attempted murder of Selina Kyle.
04:06 "I mean it's not like you can just kill me."
04:08 "Actually, it's a lot like that."
04:11 However, since this is Tim Burton we're talking about, there's also a lot of eerie beauty
04:16 with his depiction of Christmas, from the atmospheric Danny Elfman score to the festive
04:20 decorations spanning Gotham.
04:22 Any good feelings are interrupted by the menacing villains played by Danny DeVito and Christopher
04:27 Walken, which is all to the good.
04:29 "Two lives left.
04:30 I think I'll save one for next Christmas."
04:35 Number 5, "Bad Santa".
04:37 "Oh good, what do you want?"
04:39 "What do you want?
04:43 What are you doing?
04:43 God damn it!"
04:46 In this bleak comedy, Billy Bob Thornton plays a crook who poses as a mall Santa to rob stores
04:52 during Christmas time.
04:53 Naturally, such a lowlife would not be expected to have much holiday spirit, but for Thornton's
04:58 character, that is an understatement.
05:00 "Jesus Christ, can you maybe keep it together for just 10 minutes?"
05:06 He shows up to work having had too much to drink and swears like a sailor, so the character
05:10 lives up to the name implied by the film's title.
05:13 If you hate Christmas for its sentimentality and its forced cheeriness, this movie is a
05:17 breath of fresh air to take your mind off the carolers and the tacky sweaters.
05:21 "You want cookies?"
05:22 "No."
05:24 "Want milk?"
05:25 "No."
05:26 "Should I fix you some sandwiches?"
05:28 Number 4, "The Nightmare Before Christmas".
05:32 "Forgive me, Mr. Claus, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mess of your holiday."
05:37 Tim Burton comes up with interesting ways of looking at Christmas as he did with Edward
05:41 Scissorhands.
05:42 After discovering Christmastown, pumpkin king Jack Skellington wishes to celebrate Christmas
05:46 and take over duties for Santa Claus.
05:48 However, Jack finds out the hard way that Christmas isn't a good fit for him.
05:52 "Isn't that wonderful?
05:54 It couldn't be more wonderful."
05:55 "But you're the pumpkin king."
05:57 "Not anymore."
05:59 The scene where he assumes the role of Santa and gives children presents is downright terrifying.
06:04 The film is a good fit for Halloween viewing, but it's more ironically suited to the Christmas
06:08 season.
06:09 The Nightmare Before Christmas is for anyone who carves jack-o'-lanterns around Christmas
06:13 Eve.
06:14 "Eureka!
06:15 This year, Christmas will be ours!"
06:19 Number 3, "Black Christmas".
06:23 "He says the calls are coming from number six Belmont Street."
06:29 "For Christ's sake, Nash, you got it wrong.
06:31 That's where the calls are going into."
06:33 "That's where they're coming from too, sir."
06:35 Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and happiness, but neither of those emotions
06:40 is really found in Black Christmas.
06:42 In the film, a psychopath stalks a sorority, leaving disturbing messages over the telephone
06:47 and killing the sisters one by one.
06:49 "I'm going to kill you."
06:57 Black Christmas is one of the most influential horror movies to come out of the 1970s and
07:02 is considered one of the earliest slashers.
07:04 Interestingly enough, in addition to directing Black Christmas, Bob Clark also made A Christmas
07:09 Story, which is much more in the sentimental Christmas vein and a holiday classic.
07:14 "Yes, the caller is in the house.
07:18 The calls are coming from the house."
07:20 Number 2, "Gremlins".
07:24 "But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries,
07:29 no matter how much he begs, never, never feed him after midnight."
07:34 The movie starts off like a heartwarming Christmas tale, especially when Gizmo is introduced.
07:39 But that goodwill goes off the rails very quickly.
07:42 The mischievous gremlins mock everything that Christmas stands for as they wreak havoc on
07:46 a small town during the holidays.
07:47 "Turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds."
07:54 "Because you never can tell, there just might be a gremlin in your house."
08:00 The scene where Phoebe Cates' character tells a heartbreaking story about what happened
08:04 during one traumatic Christmas is enough to take the holiday cheer out of anyone who's
08:08 watching.
08:09 The soundtrack uses some festive tracks such as Christmas Baby Please Come Home and Do
08:13 You Hear What I Hear, but their positivity is jarring in contrast to the carnage that
08:18 comes.
08:18 "God, say you hate Washington's birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares.
08:22 Say you hate Christmas and everybody makes you feel like you're a leper or something."
08:26 Before we unveil our top pick, here are some honorable mentions.
08:30 Silent Night
08:31 This movie is just a real downer.
08:33 "Mom hasn't lied to us and we've seen the news."
08:36 "When?"
08:38 "We know the Russians want us all dead.
08:40 They're sending poisonous gas to kill us all in the morning."
08:42 "The Russians? What?"
08:44 "Yes, they're obsessed with world domination."
08:46 The Ref
08:47 With Dennis Leary, you can tell it's going to be a middle finger towards Christmas.
08:51 "Well, there is a criminal at large and they can't stop for the holidays."
08:55 "Maybe they'll catch him and then let him go in the spirit of Christmas."
08:58 "That is not the spirit of Christmas.
09:00 The spirit of Christmas is either you're good or you're punished and you burn in hell."
09:04 Eyes Wide Shut
09:05 This disturbing Kubrick classic is a holiday movie in the loosest terms.
09:10 "We're going now?"
09:11 "Wow, you look amazing, Mrs. Hartford."
09:14 "Oh, thank you. Helen, are you ready for bed?"
09:17 "Yes, Mommy. Can I sit and watch The Nutcracker?"
09:20 "What time's it on?"
09:21 "Nine o'clock."
09:22 "Sure, you can watch that."
09:23 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
09:25 Another movie to put in your Shane Black Christmas marathon.
09:28 "I'm telling you, you take a guy who sleeps with 100 women a year,
09:30 going to his childhood, dollars to donuts, it's relatively unspectacular.
09:34 Now, you take one of these gals who sleeps with 100 guys a year,
09:38 and I bet you if you look in their childhood, there's something rotten in Denver."
09:42 "Denmark."
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09:58 Number 1. Die Hard
10:02 "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho."
10:10 Die Hard takes place on Christmas, but there is much debate over whether it should be considered
10:14 a Christmas movie, and with good reason. The movie goes out of its way not to be
10:18 your traditional Christmas film. "Hey, out of work."
10:21 "Is there any Christmas music?" "This is Christmas music."
10:29 The closest thing to a Christmas miracle is John McClane's superhuman heroics in his efforts to
10:35 rescue a group of hostages kidnapped by terrorists. The movie is rated R for its violence and foul
10:40 language, so that means it isn't family-friendly. To put this movie on after It's a Wonderful Life
10:46 can give you a sense of whiplash. "This is your idea of Christmas. I gotta be here for New Year's."
10:50 So, do you have a treasured memory watching any of these movies around Christmas time?
10:56 Let us know in the comments. "Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne."
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11:10 [outro music]