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Britannia rules... the graves...
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Britannia rules... the graves...
Find out more about World Wide Wrestling at: https://ndpdesign.com/wwwrpg
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Category
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FunTranscript
00:00:00 Hello, I'm Adam, hailing from partsFUNknown, and welcome to part one of this month's
00:00:05 No Rolls Barred one-shot, this time set in the world of Victorian horror.
00:00:12 As usual, No Rolls Barred is based on World Wide Resting, a system designed by Nathan
00:00:16 D. Powlett.
00:00:17 Check the link below for more information.
00:00:19 Without further ado, let me transport you into the world of cruel Britannia.
00:00:26 Hello and welcome back to CBW, where the big boys are big boooooos.
00:00:34 I'm Tom, Dread of Creative, here at CBW, and these are our players.
00:00:41 Hello I am Luke Owen and I am playing Robert Scrood, the veteran class.
00:00:47 Hello, my name's Lolo and I'll be playing Demonique and I am the addict.
00:00:53 Hi, I'm Laurie, I'm playing the Raven and I'm the iconoclast.
00:00:57 Ey up, I'm Invisible Man Helsing and I'm also the iconoclast.
00:01:03 Hi I'm Ollie Davis and I'm playing a babyface, high flyer, Richard Thunder.
00:01:12 Right let's do a fight.
00:01:15 Beneath the choking smoke and smog of industry, behind the heavy doors of daily drudgery,
00:01:22 toil the weary workers of a city whose heart is as black and bleak as the coal that feeds
00:01:29 its Faustian furnaces.
00:01:31 Out on the streets amidst the cacophonous clamour of crowded cobblestones, the call
00:01:36 of capitalism keeps cash flowing from purse to person to purse in a perpetual pirouette
00:01:43 of need and greed.
00:01:45 Safely sequestered from the stain and stink of hard graft and hustle, barons of business
00:01:51 reap the benefits of a booming metropolis built on the backs of the beggared and beleaguered.
00:01:56 But be they penniless pauper or prosperous plutocrat, all mortal men hunger for something
00:02:02 beyond what they can harvest from the humdrum world they inhabit.
00:02:07 A primal battleground where social status shrinks beneath the strength of one's beliefs
00:02:13 and class crumbles under the power of one's desires.
00:02:17 In the borough of Graplington, under the auspices of muscle magnate Quincey Cavendish, Her Majesty's
00:02:23 Mightiest meet in the ring as the municipal masses applaud in awe.
00:02:28 Recent months, however, have seen a sudden shift to more supernatural struggles as Albion's
00:02:34 gravest ghouls grapple and gore each other in a spooky and salacious spectacle of penny
00:02:39 dreadful proportions right here at CBW.
00:02:43 Welcome to Cruel Britannia Wrestling.
00:02:56 Welcome everyone to Cruel Britannia Wrestling and welcome to another night of Monster's
00:03:02 Brawl.
00:03:03 Prepare yourselves as these grim and proper pugilists clash inside and outside the ropes
00:03:08 in the name of blood, beasts and brutality.
00:03:12 The arena we find ourselves in here at Cruel Britannia Wrestling is a deep fighting pit,
00:03:18 sand and chalk scattered over a concrete foundation surrounded by heavy wooden walls.
00:03:25 Above these wooden walls sit the lower classes, ringside seats watching the scraps and scuffles
00:03:31 that occur below.
00:03:32 Above these, the upwardly mobile middle classes sit in more comfortable chairs to purvey the
00:03:37 goings on and right at the top in private boxes and sealed viewing balconies, the upper
00:03:44 class of Victorian London gaze down as other men get their hands dirty for their entertainment.
00:03:52 You see small grimy urchins scamper from level to level, from punter to punter handing out
00:04:01 copies of a periodical entitled The Wrestling Onlooker.
00:04:07 Today's headline, "Weird Monsters Ruin Wrestling".
00:04:13 And as people settle as best they can, flick through the paper to see what the latest headlines,
00:04:19 gossip and opinions on the wrestling scene are, the voice of the announcer calls out
00:04:24 from a platform above the pit itself.
00:04:26 Making their way to the ring, hailing from Scarborough, the hidden hunter, invisible
00:04:36 man Hellsing.
00:04:39 A single street light is in the pit and it illuminates fog as it rolls in, creating a
00:04:48 blanket of opaque smog, people cough in the crowds and then through the fog, almost made
00:05:00 of the fog, cartwheels a naked man and he just runs around the pit doing like jumping
00:05:08 jacks and going, "Oh, I'm invisible.
00:05:10 Oh, I'm invisible.
00:05:11 You can't see me."
00:05:12 And then he takes some bandages out and then kind of wraps around his head, put some sunglasses,
00:05:16 a hat and a coat on, and then you can see him.
00:05:20 Making his way to the ring, hailing from the heart of Transylvania, Count Grappula.
00:05:30 There is a flutter and screech of bats as a swarm of flying winged mammals speeds down
00:05:37 the ramp, swirl in whirling circles above the pit and then settle, forming the shape
00:05:44 of a large, broad shouldered, pale, handsome man with an aquiline nose and a widow's peak
00:05:52 above his head.
00:05:53 He swings his arms out to show the red velvet lining of a beautiful black cape and then
00:06:02 swishes that cape over his nose and glares at the audience with piercing evil eyes.
00:06:07 And I'll punch him in the back of the head.
00:06:11 The bell has not gone off yet.
00:06:12 Does it matter?
00:06:13 I'm a hunter.
00:06:14 Okay, I'm going to say yes, you can make a work roll.
00:06:23 You can make a work roll to do this, but yeah, okay, just make a work roll.
00:06:27 Right, it's minus one.
00:06:28 That seems fair.
00:06:29 Oh bloody hell, it's nine.
00:06:30 Nine.
00:06:31 Okay.
00:06:32 Fuck him, twat him.
00:06:36 Your human fist swings around the back and as the fist of a mortal man hits the back
00:06:40 of the skull of a superhumanly strong, ancient being of evil, he stumbles a little.
00:06:47 Some of his sinister grace knocked off balance.
00:06:51 Come on, bastard.
00:06:52 Turns around to look at you.
00:06:56 Oh, so you think you can put me down for the count?
00:07:00 Well, I'm afraid I've got some bat news.
00:07:03 Kick him in the dick.
00:07:05 Too late.
00:07:06 At that point, he whoops into a cloud of bats again and starts swarming around you.
00:07:10 You feel these sort of bat wings flapping against your face, like little claws scratching
00:07:14 your arms and legs.
00:07:15 What are you doing?
00:07:16 Fucking hell.
00:07:17 I'm going to try and grab the bats and squeeze them until they pop.
00:07:23 Okay, make a...
00:07:26 To try and grab bats out of the air, I'm going to say make a work roll again.
00:07:29 All right, that's minus one.
00:07:31 That is six.
00:07:35 Six.
00:07:37 You manage to maybe get a grip of a couple of bats, but they are too slippery and leathery.
00:07:41 They slide out of your hand, and you just find yourself more and more engulfed in these
00:07:45 things as they bite through your clothes, bite through your bandages, like little bits
00:07:49 of blood start to seep out and mark where your skin is from the inside of your coverings.
00:07:58 He swarms bats, moves away from you after giving you a sound biting, and settles down,
00:08:04 solidifies back into the figure of the count.
00:08:06 He puts one long, taloned finger to his lips and says, "Did I do that?"
00:08:13 Right.
00:08:14 Well, I'm not having much luck in my visible form, so I'm going to have to pull out my
00:08:20 finishing move called, "You can't see me."
00:08:24 I'm going to have to go invisible.
00:08:26 I take off all my bandages and my coat and my scarf and my gloves and my hat, and there
00:08:34 I am.
00:08:35 I'm naked as the day I was born, which in prudish Victorian society, renders me invisible
00:08:42 because they don't look.
00:08:44 So as soon as your pasty form is revealed to the audience here at CBW, a certain section
00:08:52 of the audience, the more prudish types, especially in the upper levels, avert their eyes and
00:08:56 turn away, not wishing to see this jiggly spectacle of manhood.
00:09:01 I can make it go clockwise and counterclockwise.
00:09:07 You are able to take your clothes off without needing to roll.
00:09:11 The count just stares at you, incredulously, wondering what you're doing.
00:09:16 Now that I'm invisible, I'm going to go for my signature move, which is bad optics.
00:09:23 I'm going to kick him in the dick.
00:09:27 This is just a signature move.
00:09:29 It's a dick kick.
00:09:30 I'm going to say that's probably real.
00:09:32 That feels like a dirty move.
00:09:33 Yeah, plus one for real.
00:09:34 In the spuds, fucking hell.
00:09:38 That's four.
00:09:39 Four.
00:09:40 Yeah, your mortal leg kicks out, collides with a clang with a rock hard spuds of a super
00:09:48 humanly resilient being.
00:09:52 Dracula then looks down at you, smiles like a long, nasty looking smile, says, "Ah, don't
00:09:58 make promises you can't keep."
00:10:02 Bears his fangs and then latches down in your throat.
00:10:05 We're going to cut now quickly up to one of the upper levels of Cruel Britannia Wrestling
00:10:12 in a private box, sitting in his usual seat, where CBW's most acerbic critic is penning
00:10:20 very displeased words onto his notepad.
00:10:23 Luke, can you tell us who we see sitting up here?
00:10:26 You see the man of Robert Scrooge, who was once part of CBW, but now has decided to critique
00:10:35 its work instead.
00:10:36 He looks down at his notes for Mannhelsing versus Grappler that he will type up through
00:10:43 Quill later on for the Wrestling Onlooker.
00:10:47 Looks at silly gimmicks.
00:10:50 The kids can't work.
00:10:52 Swearing, how childish.
00:10:55 This is terrible.
00:10:56 But, oh do come on, this isn't getting over with the crowd.
00:11:01 How are we supposed to see what he's doing?
00:11:04 He just shakes his head.
00:11:06 How very droll.
00:11:08 You hear a familiar voice on your left hand side.
00:11:12 I don't know what match you're watching, mate, but the crowd seems to love this.
00:11:16 Oh dear boy, you're not hearing properly.
00:11:20 This is not an entertained crowd.
00:11:22 This is not an entertained crowd at all.
00:11:25 I think out of the two of us, mate, the one who isn't listening properly is you.
00:11:29 For starters, don't you recognise the sound of your old friend?
00:11:36 And you look to see the rough and ready, cheerful demeanour of Jacob Markley, your old tag team
00:11:45 partner.
00:11:46 Jacob Markley?
00:11:47 But it can't be.
00:11:48 What on earth is happening?
00:11:55 Well, it's not that tough to decipher, mate.
00:12:02 I'm haunting you, aren't I?
00:12:05 But there must be something bad.
00:12:07 There must be something in these peanuts that they've been serving us.
00:12:10 Everyone's gone downhill since the new management.
00:12:13 No, there's more of nuts than there is of ghosts about you.
00:12:20 I can reassure you, mate, I'm a little bit more than just a piece of bad cheese.
00:12:24 And something definitely stinks here in the state of Denmark, or well, London, I guess.
00:12:30 You know what stinks, Rob?
00:12:33 Robbie?
00:12:35 Come so far in the world, you know what stinks?
00:12:39 You do.
00:12:40 I'm imagining things.
00:12:42 How can I be haunted by an old tag partner?
00:12:46 No, no, no, there's something very much afish.
00:12:48 You're right, there is something rotten, clearly, all in my head.
00:12:51 I'm just going to go back to watching this silly little match now, and you can get out
00:12:57 of my brain of whatever it is you are.
00:12:59 Apparition.
00:13:00 By all means, watch, Robbie boy.
00:13:02 By all means, take a good, hard look.
00:13:05 And as you look down in the ring, you see that, despite the fact you've been speaking
00:13:08 for about a minute now, to this, this bit of undigested nut, as you think he is, Dracula
00:13:14 is still Grappular.
00:13:16 Grappular.
00:13:18 Cool.
00:13:19 Grappular is still poised, fangs bare just above the neck of this invisible idiot.
00:13:24 But hasn't moved a muscle.
00:13:26 That's editorialising, and I won't stand for it.
00:13:30 You're frozen in time, mate, pipe down.
00:13:34 And yeah, no one is moving.
00:13:35 As you look closer at these two figures, the figure of the invisible man housing seems
00:13:42 to change slightly, and you're no longer looking at a naked nincompoop.
00:13:49 Instead, you recognise a young man, a young man in the prime of his wrestling career,
00:13:56 on the mat against their arch-rival, the company's champion, Pinheart Stonegold.
00:14:05 A huge, meaty tank of a Scottish woman, in a big, golden tartan kilt, looming over this
00:14:13 figure that you know to be yourself.
00:14:16 These large, meaty mitts ready to lock up.
00:14:19 You look around and the audience are no longer the audience of today, they're the audience
00:14:22 of 30 years ago.
00:14:23 You know this match.
00:14:24 You remember this match.
00:14:26 I remember this match very well.
00:14:29 It was the night that I won the championship.
00:14:32 How could this possibly be?
00:14:35 I must be exhausted, making so many notes.
00:14:40 This can't be happening.
00:14:41 All those years ago, what did you do as Pinheart Stonegold lunged for you to lock up with these
00:14:47 massive paws?
00:14:50 Chucked underneath to then lock in one of my signature moves, the bar bum hug, which
00:15:00 is a bear hug.
00:15:02 You trap them and you lock them into a submission type thing.
00:15:06 I would say it's very work-related.
00:15:08 I would say, yeah, trying to slip under the legs feels worky.
00:15:12 So we'll get a work to slip under the legs.
00:15:13 But if you want to bear hug a woman of that muscular capacity, that's going to be a power
00:15:17 roll subsequent to that.
00:15:19 Aha!
00:15:20 Eight!
00:15:21 So eight on your work?
00:15:23 Yes.
00:15:24 Sorry.
00:15:25 So you slide under as like a Scooby-Doo villain, Pinheart, with across the top of you and grab
00:15:30 air and then a power roll for that bear hug.
00:15:33 Three.
00:15:34 Okay.
00:15:35 You can reroll if you want to, or we can keep that.
00:15:37 Yes, I will do it.
00:15:38 Yes, I am going to reroll because I am preserving honor and tradition of wrestling using wrestling
00:15:43 holds the way that they're meant to be done.
00:15:46 Ooh, that's...
00:15:47 That's not meant.
00:15:49 Okay, fine.
00:15:51 That's not your best work.
00:15:53 Thank you.
00:15:54 That is seven.
00:15:55 Seven.
00:15:56 That'll do it.
00:15:57 Yeah.
00:15:58 Despite the fact you're a smaller man, you managed to get your arms around the torso
00:16:02 of Pinheart Stonegold.
00:16:05 And she wheezes out in pain as these very, very lean, wiry muscles squeeze her right
00:16:12 in her abdomen.
00:16:13 Sort of big arms are sort of thrashing around, trying to grab you, trying to pry your hands
00:16:16 off, stomping around these big, heavy feet, wearing these sort of gold patent tartan boots.
00:16:20 What are you doing, Robert?
00:16:22 The aim is to get head down to the mats to lock in my finishing submission, the 12 Days
00:16:28 of Ouchmas, which is an Indian death lock.
00:16:33 Go for it.
00:16:34 So just straight 2d6?
00:16:37 This is your finisher, a straight 2d6.
00:16:39 That'll be a seven again.
00:16:41 You just managed to do it.
00:16:43 Take us through your finisher in this momentous occasion.
00:16:47 So I said it's an Indian death lock, but actually I've changed my mind.
00:16:50 It's actually a figure four.
00:16:51 So I loop the leg round, cross it into the four, and I fall, unserve my back, sitting
00:16:57 up on my arms so as not to get pinned as a good wrestler would as my opponent rides around
00:17:02 in pain in this almost impossible to get out of hold.
00:17:06 It's so expertly put in.
00:17:08 Okay.
00:17:09 Yeah, she rides and stomps and bellows like a set of bagpipes.
00:17:15 But finally, boom, boom, boom, this huge fist pounds against the sand and concrete and the
00:17:21 crowd lose their minds for the urchin underdog, Robert Scrooge, your winner and new CBW champion,
00:17:32 Robert Scrooge.
00:17:33 I did it all for you.
00:17:34 Where's the crowd holding the title aloft?
00:17:42 This is all for you.
00:17:45 And as that title is held aloft, the figure of a young Robert just pauses.
00:17:51 We are back up in the box with the present day Robert observing the match.
00:17:56 Looks like it went down just how you remember it, mate.
00:17:59 But the past always does, doesn't it?
00:18:01 The past never changes.
00:18:04 Yes, clearly my memory is excellent of that day.
00:18:09 How else would I have envisioned it ever so clearly?
00:18:13 My perhaps drunken stupor, perhaps that's what it is.
00:18:17 That's what it is that I'm remembering.
00:18:19 I should be focusing on the actual match that's happening right now, not messing around with
00:18:25 silly visions that I have in my head.
00:18:27 Yeah, right.
00:18:29 That's right, mate.
00:18:30 I'm just a silly vision.
00:18:32 Just a little anomalous blip in your brain after a little bit too much excess from the
00:18:39 wrong kind of success.
00:18:41 Look, I'm going to make it very clear for you.
00:18:44 Being dead is a pretty busy place.
00:18:46 I'm kind of pulling the double shift right now.
00:18:49 Doing a gig as the ghost, a wrestling past.
00:18:52 And I'm going to warn you, because we're old friends, that tonight you will be visited
00:18:57 by two more spirits.
00:19:00 I suggest you pay them a little bit more heed than you pay your old pal Jacob.
00:19:07 Right, I've got another one of these in about five minutes, halfway across the country.
00:19:12 So see you in a bit.
00:19:14 Taps his nose and a puff of chimney smoke disappears completely from the box.
00:19:21 I'm a hug.
00:19:24 And we are back now, as you look back down after this hallucination, I'm sure, I wouldn't
00:19:30 worry about it, mate, disappears.
00:19:31 You cast your eyes back down to the ring and the figure of Grappular starts moving over
00:19:37 the top of the figure of Invisible Man, Helsing Fang's bear, leaning in closer and closer
00:19:40 to the throat.
00:19:41 This huge black cape opening out wide, trying to engulf this unclothed, unintelligent...
00:19:48 I'm bear clapping right now, which is when you slap your scrotum against your taint.
00:19:54 I'm really invisible.
00:19:57 It was a classy time.
00:19:58 It was a classy time of history.
00:20:01 What are you doing as these teeth close in ever so closer to your neck?
00:20:04 I turn to Count Crappular and I say, I may appear like some dancing ninny, but you've
00:20:13 done it now.
00:20:14 You've gone and made a big mistake.
00:20:17 And I pull a wooden stake from my butt and I shove it in his chest.
00:20:22 That's a finish if ever I saw one.
00:20:23 That's a straight 2d6 roll, please, Helsing.
00:20:27 That is an eight.
00:20:30 You thrust that stake straight out towards the chest of Count Grappular.
00:20:35 This sort of look of superiority and evil intent and the kind of sort of smug arrogance,
00:20:41 which is covered as expression for this entire fight, suddenly disappears as that piece of
00:20:46 wood pierces his seemingly iron hard chest, goes through skin and bone to his old shriveled
00:20:53 heart and pierces that.
00:20:54 There was a cough.
00:20:57 His eyes go wide and even more bloodshot for a moment as he looks at you.
00:21:05 You've undead all my work.
00:21:11 And then disappears into ashes.
00:21:15 Your winner, the hidden hunter, Invisible Man Helsing.
00:21:23 And the crowd go wild.
00:21:25 I just pick up my clothes, I wrap myself around with bandages, which takes ages, put my hat
00:21:33 on and a scarf.
00:21:35 And there I am, a complete gentleman once again.
00:21:38 And with all the dignity I can muster, I walk solemnly out of the pit.
00:21:43 - Incredible, minus two stars.
00:21:46 - As the Invisible Man Helsing leaves the pit and the ashes of Count Grappular dissipate
00:21:53 into the night air, there is a low but powerful rumble from the night sky as thick, dark storm
00:22:01 clouds start to gather above the arena of Cruel Britannia Wrestling.
00:22:06 And we cast our eyes up now, up above the different layers of socially separated audience,
00:22:14 up above the arena itself into the sky, up amongst these ever darkening storm clouds.
00:22:20 And we find ourselves now looking at the handsome face of a daredevil aeronautics expert riding
00:22:27 a ghost gray hot air balloon up, up into the sky.
00:22:31 The lifeless, lightless metal box of Chip's interdimensional device sitting in the basket
00:22:39 as the clouds gather and the thunder rumbles and rain starts to pour.
00:22:44 - Oh, goddammit, Danger Zone.
00:22:46 We've had our adventure in the high school and now we've been here for what, years?
00:22:51 It's been years in this Victorian horror dimension and we need some science.
00:22:57 We need some more science again to restart Chip's device that got us here in the first
00:23:03 place.
00:23:04 Maybe next time's gonna be the time I get back home, back to my real home where Judy
00:23:07 Lovely is.
00:23:08 But until then, I guess we're just gonna have to find some more science down there, hither,
00:23:15 down there in the pits.
00:23:17 - The clouds gather and rumble.
00:23:18 You see far, far off in the distance a flash of lightning.
00:23:23 And as that lightning flashes, the briefest, tiniest, smallest little spark of light blinks
00:23:29 into the blue core of Chip's device before disappearing as the winds start to buffet
00:23:33 the basket back and forth and the rain starts to pound down on your face.
00:23:37 - Danger Zone, I think something about this loud noise is giving the box life.
00:23:44 I think it's the thunder.
00:23:48 Just like my name, it's poetic.
00:23:51 - It's going forward into the storm.
00:23:58 - As you pull down on that arm, pull down on that cord, and hot flame shoots up into
00:24:06 the balloon of this ghost-grade dirigible, sending it higher and higher into the clouds.
00:24:11 I'm gonna need a look roll from you to successfully pilot this thing deeper.
00:24:17 A look roll from the best pilot in the galaxy, slash time zone.
00:24:21 Oh, it's a 10.
00:24:24 - Nice.
00:24:25 Yeah, you properly pull down hard on that cord.
00:24:28 You know, a really powerful jet of flame just causes this brilliantly designed, almost too
00:24:33 modern for its period, hot air balloon to go higher and higher and higher.
00:24:37 The roar of the flame is almost a response to the call of your let's go.
00:24:40 You pass through layers of sort of white and gray cloud and reach a point now where the
00:24:44 clouds are sort of almost jet black and obscure all vision.
00:24:50 And you hear a kind of chittering coming from up here.
00:24:56 Based on the research you've done into Victorian science, this might be the highest anyone
00:24:59 has ever gone.
00:25:01 And there is this sort of this chittering and bubbling coming from deep within these
00:25:04 clouds as another bolt of lightning, crackow, goes off a little closer this time.
00:25:09 And as it does, the little bit of color inside Chip's device shines even brighter for a moment
00:25:14 before disappearing.
00:25:15 - The louder the noise danger zone, the more the light flashes in the box.
00:25:21 Follow the noise.
00:25:22 The noise is the source of all the power we need to get back home.
00:25:27 And also there's that weird bubbling thing as well.
00:25:29 Let's check that out.
00:25:30 I'm going to swing it, swing the hot air balloon, do a really cool airplane turn with it.
00:25:36 - Okay, give me a look on that airplane turn.
00:25:40 - 10 again.
00:25:41 - 10 again, beautiful, beautiful piece of aeronautic piloting.
00:25:44 As you swing around in the direction of the most recent boom of sound, which is definitely
00:25:50 the problem, definitely the solution to your problem, a long, thick tendril, wet with rain,
00:25:59 covered in suckers and peculiar shaped claws squirms out from under the thicker crowds
00:26:05 and then lashes straight towards the balloon.
00:26:08 Sort of as its suckers open up, these little blades pop out from the center, these little
00:26:11 kind of beaks almost, lashes towards the dirigibleur inside.
00:26:14 What are you doing?
00:26:15 - Quick evasive action danger zone.
00:26:17 And what I'm going to do is I'm just going to do a 360 spin with the hot air balloon.
00:26:23 - That's the look, Roel.
00:26:24 - Yep.
00:26:25 - Wouldn't that put you exactly where you...
00:26:26 - No, no, no.
00:26:29 It's height wise.
00:26:31 Not just turning round.
00:26:32 What an idiot.
00:26:33 Oh, it's a five.
00:26:34 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:35 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:36 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:37 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:38 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:39 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:40 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:41 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:42 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:43 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:44 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:45 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:46 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:47 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:48 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:49 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:50 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:51 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:52 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:53 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:54 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:55 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:56 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:57 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:58 - Oh, it's a five.
00:26:59 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:00 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:01 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:02 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:03 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:04 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:05 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:06 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:07 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:08 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:09 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:10 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:11 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:12 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:13 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:14 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:15 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:16 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:17 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:18 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:19 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:20 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:21 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:22 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:23 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:24 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:25 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:26 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:27 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:28 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:29 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:30 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:31 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:32 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:33 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:34 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:35 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:36 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:37 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:38 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:39 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:40 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:41 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:42 - Oh, it's a five.
00:27:43 - I start judo chopping all of the tentacles that have attached itself to the hot air balloon.
00:27:55 - Okay, so a straightforward judo chop feels like that's just force, that's a power move.
00:28:01 - Not work?
00:28:02 Okay, for the power.
00:28:03 - If you want to try and black work, if you want to try and talk me into work, my ears
00:28:06 are open.
00:28:07 - Well, because one of the many things that Rick learned how to do at school in the pilot
00:28:12 school was a extracurricular class on judo, and he learned all the judo there.
00:28:19 - So I'm going to help you out here because I'm in a nice mood.
00:28:22 Are you saying like the precision of a judo chop to a pressure point is like a work roll,
00:28:26 right?
00:28:27 - Yes, yes.
00:28:28 - Okay.
00:28:29 - It's just not a chop, it's a judo chop, it's targeted.
00:28:31 - You just look so dapper, man, I can't say no to you, go for it.
00:28:36 - With work, it's eight.
00:28:39 - Ooh, lucky, yes.
00:28:44 But mine was through those chops, is with each judo chop, another tentacle gets bashed,
00:28:48 there's a screech from the creature as it whips away from the part of the balloon it
00:28:51 was holding.
00:28:52 And another one goes, another one goes, until now you're just staring straight into the
00:28:57 mouth of this maw.
00:28:59 The tentacles have released your balloon, it is now free floating, but there is almost
00:29:04 like a gravitational pull sucking you close to its jaw.
00:29:07 Another bolt of lightning comes even closer now, crack out right, probably a metre away
00:29:11 from the side of this hot air balloon.
00:29:14 Another one, boom, the lightning almost seems to be centred and based around this thing
00:29:18 in the clouds now.
00:29:19 And with every closer bolt and every brighter bolt, that lightning chip's device lasts longer
00:29:23 and shines brighter, almost blinding you with its blue beam.
00:29:26 - The thunder is getting more intense the closer I'm getting to the monster.
00:29:31 The monster you said is pulling me in with some kind of gravitational strength anyway.
00:29:37 And I've got something to outrun in this dimension.
00:29:40 I don't know how much longer I can take it here.
00:29:43 So I'm going full throttle into the mouth of the beast.
00:29:47 - That is a look roll, Richard.
00:29:50 - The nine.
00:29:54 You pull down on this cord once again, the flames roar in response to your inspirational
00:30:03 self-speech and the hot air balloon just whooshes towards this giant toothy maw at breakneck
00:30:13 speed.
00:30:14 You're going for a judo chop.
00:30:17 - As it's going into the beak, I'm going to judo chop.
00:30:20 - So this big thick tongue comes out and tries to like wrap itself around you to pull you
00:30:24 out of the machine.
00:30:25 Give me a work roll for your judo chop.
00:30:28 You didn't need to do that, but go for it.
00:30:32 - The 10.
00:30:33 - Yes, you judo chop that tongue.
00:30:36 It disappears back inside the mouth.
00:30:38 And then just as you were surrounded on all sides by this eldritch mass of evil, inconceivable,
00:30:49 crystalline flesh, the loudest boom of thunder you've heard so far coincides exactly with
00:30:54 a massive bolt of lightning shoots straight through the jaw of this creature.
00:30:59 It explodes in a shower of inconceivable goop.
00:31:04 And the bolt of lightning goes straight down directly into Chip's device.
00:31:08 The blue light, boom, bursts into light.
00:31:11 There is a crackle and a hum and the clouds part as a portal opens in the sky.
00:31:18 A portal looking out onto a familiar garden where a beautiful young woman is hanging out
00:31:25 her washing.
00:31:26 She doesn't see you.
00:31:27 And as the clouds part and the figure of Julie Lovely back in your own dimension solidifies,
00:31:37 do you see someone approaching the house, the front gate?
00:31:41 And then the clouds part even more and moonlight beams down on you.
00:31:45 And then all you can see as you're illuminated by the celestial glow is a red haze of rage
00:31:53 and you black out.
00:32:05 And we find ourselves back once again in the pit, the arena of cruel Britannia wrestling,
00:32:13 making their way to the ring, hailing from the Tower of London, the avian assassin, the
00:32:20 Raven.
00:32:21 There is a gentle rapping on the door to the pit.
00:32:32 Subtle tapping that gets louder.
00:32:36 And it keeps going until it becomes thuds, thud after thud after thud.
00:32:46 And the door flies off its hinges as hundreds of ravens swarm through the arena.
00:32:52 They fly around the ring, they obscure completely the center of the ring.
00:32:55 And as they part, standing in the center of the ring in dapper Victorian gear, feathered
00:33:01 sort of scarf wrapped around his neck, a mask that seems to be made of some sort of skull
00:33:07 that has been modified to look like a bird is the Raven.
00:33:12 There is a hushed, almost fearful silence from the audience as they watch this sinister
00:33:18 figure, clearly a being of great intelligence and design, making their way to the ring,
00:33:25 hailing from Baker Street, London, Detective Cyril Bellum.
00:33:32 No fanfare, no fanciness, just a very well-dressed man in a deer stalker cap, smoking a pipe,
00:33:39 wearing a thick gray coat, paces his way down the ramp into the center of the ring, looks
00:33:44 across where the Raven is, his face almost expressionless, his eyes narrowed slightly,
00:33:49 the pupils and irises just darting left and right in almost imperceptible movements as
00:33:55 a great brain processes what he's looking at.
00:34:00 Hmm.
00:34:02 Very well then.
00:34:03 Ding ding ding ding ding.
00:34:05 I pull a knife and I get a stab in.
00:34:07 Okay, well that's a real roll.
00:34:12 Fuck.
00:34:13 Is this the kind of shit?
00:34:16 That's 11.
00:34:17 Oh shit!
00:34:18 What part of the body are you trying to stab, mate?
00:34:22 I'm going straight for the gut.
00:34:24 Straight for the gut.
00:34:25 I want this to be horrible.
00:34:26 Okay.
00:34:27 I'm so proud.
00:34:28 What does your knife look like?
00:34:31 It's kind of, the handle is gilded in gold and the sort of pobble where it connects to
00:34:39 the blade is the claw of a bird and it reaches out into this sort of hooked talon almost
00:34:44 so it slides in sideways almost and I twist, pull it back out.
00:34:53 He looks down at the nasty, neat, clean wound in his gut, puts that hand over the hole you
00:34:59 just made, his blood seeps out between his fingers, puts another hand, applies pressure,
00:35:03 that composure is instantly gone from his face as he looks up into the eyes of a monster.
00:35:11 This isn't the first time I've been stabbed by some ruffian in a back alley.
00:35:18 Well.
00:35:19 And he goes for one of his signature moves, a study in scarlet as he rubs as much blood
00:35:25 as he can in his hands and then smears it across your mask and face in an attempt to
00:35:29 blind you.
00:35:30 What are you doing?
00:35:31 I think I'm going to attempt to drop down out of the way of that and then go for a move
00:35:38 I'm calling two stones, one bird and I'm going to pop back up holding two stones in
00:35:43 either hand and bell clap them around his head.
00:35:47 Okay.
00:35:49 So let's get a work roll to avoid that blinding first.
00:35:55 Five.
00:35:56 Five.
00:35:57 Unfortunately, no, like the blood smears itself across your eyes, your vision is obscured,
00:36:03 your beautiful white mask is sullied.
00:36:07 I'll still let you make the roll to try.
00:36:11 Actually no, that was a failed roll.
00:36:13 Seeing he has an opening, Holmes, man, I keep infringing on what is essentially public domain
00:36:20 characters but still.
00:36:21 Detective Bellum sees that you're slightly dazed, sees that you can't quite see what's
00:36:27 happening, putting both hands over his stomach, holding in the wound as much as he can.
00:36:33 He squats down and goes for a standing super kick.
00:36:36 The game's afoot, he says, and then kicks you square in the face and knocks you back
00:36:40 onto your back.
00:36:41 A sort of a hairline crack now appears in your beautiful mask.
00:36:44 Thought you could catch me, Bellum, but I'm the one who's caught you.
00:36:50 And as he comes closer, I'm going to try and rip my hands into the wound I've already made.
00:36:56 That's a real roll.
00:37:00 That is a seven.
00:37:02 That'll do it.
00:37:04 It's taken most of his strength and muscle up that last-ditch kick and he just doesn't
00:37:10 have the strength in his muscles left to stop your hand from going deeper into his stomach.
00:37:15 Do you want to tell us how you open that wound?
00:37:17 Yeah, I just claw my hands up and they go in sideways because I've sort of jabbed him
00:37:22 in the side.
00:37:23 I just clutch at the side of his body and I just pull as hard as I can across the front
00:37:28 of him.
00:37:29 Look how happy Lolo is.
00:37:31 I'm so happy right now.
00:37:35 He wheezes, he tries to get some kind of pithy remark out but he can't.
00:37:39 As the wound opens, he drops to his knees, one hand still vainly trying to hold onto
00:37:44 the wound, the other bloodstained, making a red handprint on the sand of the arena.
00:37:49 He looks up at you.
00:37:53 It's not over yet, monster.
00:37:57 Losing his hand from his stomach, bits of viscera falling out of the wound as he does
00:38:04 this.
00:38:05 He leaps up to his full height and puts his hands around the top of your head and then
00:38:10 starts trying to pull you down onto the ground.
00:38:13 I'm going to need a Power Roll from you.
00:38:18 That is a three.
00:38:22 The problem with you flashy types, you never look out for concrete evidence.
00:38:27 And then cracks your mask against the ground.
00:38:30 That hairline fracture opens up, damaging it even more.
00:38:33 But the wound you've dealt to him is so brutal.
00:38:36 That's pretty much the last of his energy.
00:38:38 And as you were lying prone, he's now just on his knees, wheezing more bits of gut just
00:38:44 dangling out of the hole.
00:38:47 There's almost no energy left in this man by this point.
00:38:55 Number 11.
00:38:58 You put up a fight.
00:38:59 But it's over now.
00:39:03 And I go for a move I'm calling Suddenly There Came a Tapping.
00:39:07 And it's a crossface raven wing.
00:39:09 I spin on the spot, go "Ca-caw!" and then I lock in one of his arms behind his back
00:39:15 and basically strangle him.
00:39:18 That is a... that's a straight 2d6 roll.
00:39:22 That is a nine.
00:39:23 Okay, yeah, you lock in exactly as you described.
00:39:29 He wheezes and coughs, his eyes bulge, his tongue kind of lulls out.
00:39:35 People sort of roll into the back of his head and after a prolonged period of this man just
00:39:42 trying to hang on to the last minute, he passes out and dies.
00:39:49 As soon as he does, a sharp pain shoots through your brain.
00:39:54 Like you blink and you find yourself no longer sitting in the arena of Cruel Britannia Wrestling
00:39:59 choking out a detective.
00:40:01 You're now on your knees in a different kind of muddy pit.
00:40:06 Nothing is on your body except a heavy loincloth around your groin.
00:40:11 Your muscles are broad and thick and heavy.
00:40:13 Your body is covered in hair.
00:40:14 Your brow is low and sloping.
00:40:17 And another thick-set primitive man is in your grip, eyes rolling into the back of his
00:40:27 head, the life leaving his body as a prehistoric son sets on this act of ancient murder.
00:40:36 And then the vision fades and you are back in the CBW arena.
00:40:41 Your winner, the avian assassin, The Raven.
00:40:48 I'm hug.
00:40:53 I am, before I leave, I take my knife and I carve the sign of Aquarius just onto the
00:41:03 knee, just sorry, onto the thigh flesh of Bellum.
00:41:07 And as you leave and go up the ramp into the backstage area, a flight of black birds fly
00:41:16 in from outside the arena and settle down next to the corpse.
00:41:21 Start picking at it with their beaks as one of the stagehands has to shoo them away and
00:41:26 remove the latest body in what is a sea of bodies in CBW.
00:41:32 Back up in his private box, this whole match has been watched by a very disapproving Robert
00:41:38 Scrood.
00:41:41 Relying on blood and guts, that's not good shit.
00:41:45 Using weapons to avoid actual work.
00:41:48 Cyril Bellum tried to do a bit of wrestling moves, but unfortunately we had more blood
00:41:51 and guts than a sleeper for the win minus three stars, I'm afraid.
00:41:55 More terrible, terrible wrestling.
00:41:59 So a thick Scots voice says from to your right, if you didn't like the blood and guts in this
00:42:05 and you're not going to think very much of the next match.
00:42:10 Making her way to the ring, hailing from Chiswick, London, the sociopathic socialite, Demonique
00:42:21 de Composé.
00:42:23 So I'm just talking to a group of very, very busy women having tea.
00:42:30 I'm just like, excuse me, excuse me.
00:42:31 I get up from the table and I make my way to the ring.
00:42:34 And as I'm going, I'm picking up the crochet that I was doing earlier, finishing it off,
00:42:38 putting it down.
00:42:39 As I'm going through, I'm shying the silverware, talking to various servants that I do have,
00:42:44 making sure that everything's ready for this evening or whatever I've got going on.
00:42:48 Tasting the dessert, of course, and moving my way just delicately and lovely into the
00:42:52 ring and just stand there as graceful as it.
00:42:59 Making her way to the ring, hailing from the British Museum, but let's face it, we stole
00:43:08 it.
00:43:09 We full on stole it.
00:43:11 The fairest of them all, Sir Coffey Jess.
00:43:18 About three heavy set people in white coats, wearing white gloves, masks and old timey
00:43:27 goggles, start wheeling down a huge ornate sarcophagus on a dolly down the ramp and into
00:43:35 the stage.
00:43:37 It's lashed on all sides with thick, heavy rope.
00:43:39 There is a museum worker holding onto each one.
00:43:42 As it gets to the centre of the ring, they pause, look at each other, silently count
00:43:47 one, two, three, then pull the ropes and just run full tilt back up the ramp as fast as
00:43:53 they can.
00:43:54 As these cords drop to the ground, there is a stone groan as the door of this sarcophagus
00:44:00 opens and the stench of thousands of years wafts out of this coffin and into your nostrils.
00:44:09 There's nothing but a black cavernous cavity inside it for a moment and then you hear a
00:44:14 sort of slap, slap and out lumbers a tall, lean, loping, mouth shaped figure covered heads
00:44:25 to toe in bandages.
00:44:27 All you can see beyond the bandages themselves are two pitch black eyes and where the bandages
00:44:34 have separated around the mouth, a long, purple, bifurcated tongue and about three teeth.
00:44:40 You just hear a 'haaaaa' as a powerful stench and a few bugs just fly out of the centre
00:44:49 of the mouth.
00:44:50 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
00:44:51 Oh, oh, hello, I don't believe we've met before.
00:44:52 Is it Jess?
00:44:53 Jess, Jess.
00:44:54 Oh, it's so lovely to have you here.
00:44:55 Welcome, welcome, welcome.
00:44:56 And I'm just going to just try and welcome them as if it was my one and only.
00:44:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:44:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:44:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:04 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:09 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:14 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:15 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:16 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:17 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:18 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:45:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:41 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:46:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:04 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:09 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:23 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:24 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:25 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:26 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:28 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:29 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:30 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:31 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:47:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:09 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:14 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:15 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:16 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:17 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:18 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:23 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:24 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:25 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:26 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:28 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:29 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:30 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:31 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:48:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:04 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:14 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:15 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:16 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:17 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:18 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:23 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:24 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:25 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:26 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:41 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:49:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:04 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:09 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:23 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:24 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:25 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:26 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:28 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:29 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:30 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:31 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:50:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:09 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:10 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:11 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:12 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:13 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:14 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:15 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:16 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:17 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:18 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:19 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:28 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:29 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:30 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:31 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:41 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:51:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:41 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:52:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:01 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:02 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:03 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:04 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:05 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:06 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:07 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:08 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:38 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:39 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:40 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:41 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:42 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:53:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:14 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:20 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:21 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:22 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:23 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:24 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:25 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:26 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:27 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:28 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:29 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:30 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:31 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:32 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:33 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:34 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:35 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:36 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:37 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:43 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:44 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:45 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:46 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:47 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:48 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:49 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:50 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:51 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:52 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:53 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:54 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:55 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:56 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:57 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:58 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:54:59 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:55:00 I'm going to start with the first one.
00:55:06 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:07 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:09 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:11 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:12 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:13 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:14 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:15 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:16 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:17 We see the feathered figure of the raven sitting behind a stone desk penning something.
00:55:45 and now I hunt a Sagittarius,
00:55:48 tracked and traced down to this place
00:55:49 where I'll stuff them like a boar.
00:55:51 And while they lie there all a-squealing
00:55:53 a sound I find really quite appealing.
00:55:55 For its life force I have been stealing,
00:55:58 healing my tattered and broken core.
00:56:01 Once I complete this, my Zodiac,
00:56:04 there shall be no going back
00:56:05 to the quiet and cobbled streets
00:56:07 I used to walk before.
00:56:09 "Merrily," I quote the Raven,
00:56:11 "for my soul he is a saving.
00:56:14 Guide me further unto Haven,
00:56:16 saving me forevermore."
00:56:19 And he signs it,
00:56:20 "A ghost grim and ancient Raven."
00:56:24 AKA Saucy Nev.
00:56:26 And as you sign the bottom of that letter,
00:56:33 the birds fluttering around you
00:56:35 start to caw and flap their wings.
00:56:38 And as you look up into the night sky,
00:56:41 it seems the constellation Sagittarius
00:56:44 shines a little brighter than usual.
00:56:48 The birds take wing,
00:56:51 flutter up high into the sky,
00:56:53 swoop down back into the corridor,
00:56:59 and you see them settle gently
00:57:02 at the doorstep of a dressing room
00:57:06 written in chalk on the door,
00:57:09 hastily and scruffily.
00:57:12 The hidden hunter, invisible man,
00:57:17 Elsing.
00:57:18 One last room,
00:57:21 one last part of backstage here at CBW.
00:57:25 A sweating, exhausted Richard Thunder
00:57:33 wakes up in a cage,
00:57:37 his clothes torn to almost nothing,
00:57:41 his body covered in scratches and lacerations,
00:57:45 heavy iron bars in front of him,
00:57:48 a bed of straw on a wooden frame below him.
00:57:52 A well-dressed, dapper man,
00:57:55 covered in feathers and scales and hides of all kinds,
00:57:59 walks up into the light
00:58:02 and looks you straight in the eye.
00:58:04 "Well, it seems someone is awake.
00:58:07 Allow me to introduce myself.
00:58:10 My name is Dr. Yiff,
00:58:12 and this is my marvelous, monstrous menagerie."
00:58:17 And he gestures a flamboyant hand out,
00:58:19 as you see, three or four other cages on wheels,
00:58:24 each with some kind of
00:58:26 anthropomorphic, shambling beast of some kind inside.
00:58:32 There are names written over the top of them,
00:58:34 the Apes of Wroth, Handsome Crab,
00:58:37 Snapmare.
00:58:38 "Oh, you'll make a fine addition to my collection,"
00:58:44 as he looks up at where the sign above your cage must be.
00:58:49 "And it looks like you're right on time."
00:58:56 And as he says that, he looks up into the sky
00:58:59 and the clouds part once again
00:59:02 and show a bright, full moon.
00:59:06 And as its beams streak through the sky,
00:59:10 through the bars on your cage,
00:59:12 - No! - into your enclosure,
00:59:14 you feel a change coming.
00:59:17 (GASPS)
00:59:19 - Danger Boner! - No!
00:59:22 (GROANS)
00:59:26 Oh, wait. Danger Boner?
00:59:27 (LAUGHTER)
00:59:30 And that's all for this time on CBW.
00:59:34 We will see you next time.
00:59:37 That's all for part one of No Rolls Barred this month.
00:59:43 Check back same time next week.
00:59:44 And if you would like to get an episode 48 hours early,
00:59:47 become one of our patrons,
00:59:49 like these legends scrolling past me
00:59:52 along the bottom of the screen.
00:59:53 Go to patreon.com/norollsbarred
00:59:57 and you'll find a whole bevy of perks to enjoy.
01:00:00 We'll see you this time next week.
01:00:01 Jam that jam.