Deadpool - All Cutscenes
Transcript
00:00 Deadpool! Branded as both hero and villain, Deadpool was once a badass mercenary named Wade Wilson.
00:07 After being recruited into the Weapon X program, Wade was subjected to experiments that gave him awesome regenerative powers,
00:15 and drove him batshit crazy.
00:18 Today the Merc with a Mouse travels the globe in search of fortune, and chimichangas!
00:25 Episode 1 "The Merchant"
00:27 Deadpool, it's Logan. Got your message.
00:34 And for the last time, no, you cannot take our blackbird out for a joyride.
00:40 Stop calling about it!
00:42 Hey Deadpool, it's Domino.
00:44 So I got another contract for you if you're interested.
00:47 The coin is good, so just let me know.
00:49 Oh, and regarding that other thing you texted me about, I can't. I mean it was just supposed to be that one time and I...
00:58 Anyway, just call me.
00:59 Deadpool, it's Peter Della Pena from High Moon Studios.
01:03 You know, the guy you kept calling dickhead when you cornered me in the parking lot the other night?
01:08 Anyway, I looked over your proposal. Not gonna pretend I understand any of it, but the answer is no.
01:14 We're gonna pass on your big game idea.
01:17 What? He said no? That was our chance to be in our own video game!
01:21 Maybe we shouldn't have written the proposal in crayon.
01:25 Relax.
01:26 You know he's gonna call back.
01:29 Oh yeah, because of the...
01:31 Deadpool, hey, it's Peter.
01:33 You know, dickhead.
01:35 Remember when I called you earlier and told you no?
01:39 I'm such a joker, 'cause I meant yes, of course!
01:42 The new proposal you sent over this morning went off with a big bang in the office today. Genius! Just genius!
01:48 So, summing up, congratulations. Let's make a video game.
01:53 See? Once again our explosive personality wins the day. High five!
01:58 No high fives, we're voices in our head.
02:00 I've got my top designers banging away on a script right now. As soon as it's ready, we'll send it right over.
02:06 Script?
02:07 Script?
02:08 This is bullshit. A script?
02:18 Like some dingus word writer's gonna know better than me how to show how amazing I am.
02:24 Amazing is more Spider-Man's thing, really.
02:28 Yeah, right. What's so amazing about that geek?
02:31 Well, superhuman strength and reflexes, extrasensory perception, genius-level intellect, the ability to stick to any surface.
02:39 No one else sticks to any surface? A load of goo?
02:43 Ooh, Spider-Man. But does Spider-Man have a sweet-ass supercharged healing factor?
02:48 No. But me. Some jackass gets lucky and tags me with a stray bullet. Whatever.
02:54 Freaky cellular regeneration for the win, bitches!
02:57 And another big difference is, we kill the shit out of people.
03:01 Damn right.
03:03 Click.
03:06 Hey, what's that? You guys tracking my every move now?
03:14 But I haven't even accomplished anything in this game yet.
03:17 And there's another one.
03:19 Oh, so it's gonna be one of those games, huh?
03:23 Doorbell seems to work.
03:26 Uh, uh, uh...
03:28 Uh... uh, uh... underwear? Are you trying to say underwear?
03:34 Hello, delivery for Mr. Deadpool. Need your autograph right here, please.
03:40 Hello, sir. I have a package...
03:44 So do I. Yoink!
03:47 Package! Shit. As I suspected. Words. Everywhere.
03:53 Lame.
03:55 We should read some of them.
03:57 Fine. Scene 1. Dark and stormy night. Deadpool is contracted to kill media mogul Chance White,
04:03 who is blah blah blah-dee-dee blah blah. Don't need that. Edit that.
04:08 Ah, crayons. Very classy.
04:11 Why are we trying to kill what's-his-face?
04:13 Who cares? I'm making art here. Behold!
04:17 Hmm. Not sure the player understands our thinking yet.
04:20 Hey, player, just go with it.
04:22 We're about to change your fucking life.
04:25 Bring the noise!
04:27 Oh, a sewer. How quaint.
04:34 Whew. Sometimes it's the setup work that'll get you all tuckered out.
04:47 Bounce house! Check. Wahoo!
04:52 Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!
04:55 Boing! Banana! Boing! Boing!
04:58 Boing! Boing! Boing!
05:01 Boing! Banana! Wahoo!
05:04 Boing! Boing! Boing!
05:06 Boing! Boing! Boing!
05:09 Boing! Wahoo!
05:11 Time to go boom.
05:18 Ah!
05:20 Whew! That's what happens when you mix C4 with a bean burrito.
05:29 Now be honest. I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?
05:35 [BEEP]
05:37 This must be my stop.
05:59 Ah, there's gotta be a way outta here.
06:02 Think, Deadpool, think!
06:05 Fly or die, asshole. Your choice.
06:08 Keep it steady, dingus!
06:11 Jeez, I can fly better than that!
06:13 Thank you. Gives me an idea.
06:15 No, wait.
06:18 Ha ha ha! Hell yes!
06:20 Hey, we're flying! We're flying!
06:23 We cannot fly.
06:25 Well, it is good to have dreams.
06:27 Dreams, yes. Delusions?
06:30 No!
06:33 Ha ha ha! Yeah!
06:36 You know what else is good to have?
06:39 Skills!
06:41 He's bigger than you, badder than you, and he's purpose-built to eat little shit like you for breakfast.
06:48 Eat shit for breakfast?
06:50 Oh, daddy.
06:51 Look at the size of that thing.
06:53 That's what she said.
06:54 I wonder if we can even carry that gun.
06:56 Only one way to find out.
06:58 Hmm. How much C4 is this gonna take?
07:01 It's no more than 20 ounces.
07:03 What? I hate the metric system! How much in American?
07:07 Let's see. You carry the seven...
07:10 Dude, fuck math. Just use all of it.
07:12 Oh, yeah! That was awesome!
07:20 Okay, 20 ounces. That was pretty sweet.
07:24 How's that for impenetrable, asshole?
07:27 Careful. We still need him alive.
07:30 Exactly how alive are we talking?
07:33 Shoryuken!
07:43 You're insane!
07:48 Not as insane as you think.
07:51 Oh, shit!
07:53 Yeah! That was fun!
08:03 Yeah, it was okay.
08:05 Well, it's not like we get a do-over on this one.
08:07 The hell we don't!
08:09 Come on! Come on! Make it! Make it!
08:17 No!
08:19 What the crap?!
08:22 Now that's what I'm talking about!
08:31 Peter, my man! You see all that?
08:35 Ha-ha! Buttload of awesomeness!
08:37 Deadpool, you idiot!
08:39 Do you know how much money all those explosions and tacky graphics just cost me?
08:43 You can't just change whatever you want, whenever you want!
08:46 Yeah, that's great, Peter! Talk to my dick.
08:48 Hey! Where are you a-holes going with my contract?
08:51 Boop-boppy! Hello?
08:53 Peter! Hey, I was just running around my game,
08:56 and all of a sudden I noticed that some shit was fucked up.
09:00 What's up with that?
09:01 I warned you about the budget, Deadpool.
09:03 You literally blew all the money.
09:05 Wait, budget? What the hell, man?
09:07 Yeah, you do realize that all games have budget.
09:10 Peter, sweetheart, buh-buh,
09:13 let me remind you that my website got 15 million hits the weekend we announced.
09:18 One million one?
09:21 One million two?
09:23 Cough it up.
09:25 Arclight?
09:29 Go! I'll hold him off!
09:31 Wait, wait, what? Who?
09:34 D-list villains!
09:37 [Lightning strike]
09:39 Hey, Arclight! Looking good, babe!
09:45 You been working out?
09:49 Your pecs, I mean your breasts.
09:52 Your pe- Your chesties look unbelievable, if you catch my drift.
09:57 I can help you get off that villain D-list if you-
09:59 Kill this pansy!
10:00 Okay, she-man, we'll talk about your D-list pecs later.
10:04 My turn.
10:06 [Lightning strike]
10:09 Think you're clever? Think you're cool?
10:14 You ain't the only one with power, little geek.
10:17 [Lightning strike]
10:20 Ho-ho, now that's impressive.
10:22 You're never gonna get Chance White for enough-
10:24 Come on, baby, we can still work this out.
10:28 You disgust me!
10:30 [Lightning strike]
10:33 [Screaming]
10:35 [Lightning strike]
10:37 [Beep, beep, beep, beep]
10:46 Hey, hot tits, the pipe I was offering gives way more pleasure.
10:50 [Chuckles]
10:52 Aw, come on!
10:54 [Whistling]
10:57 Hello!
10:58 [Grunts]
10:59 What kind of-
11:00 Nah, please take it-
11:01 Yeah, I'll just hang here for a while.
11:03 Feels fine, with the pipe and all.
11:05 Dick.
11:07 [Grunts]
11:08 Aw, for- what kind of gamer are you?
11:10 [Screams]
11:11 Nah, I'm just kidding.
11:12 [Whistling]
11:13 Hello! Something, please!
11:15 [Screams]
11:16 No, heh, it's fine.
11:17 Nah, please take it-
11:18 Yeah, I'll just hang here for a while.
11:20 [Lightning strike]
11:21 Nah, please-
11:22 Aw, for- what kind of gamer are you?
11:24 [Grunts]
11:25 Almost there!
11:26 Hey, tickles, tickles, tickles!
11:27 [Lightning strike]
11:29 Let's not do that again, 'kay?
11:31 Hey, hey, hey!
11:32 No more sewers, High Moon.
11:34 [Grunts]
11:36 Aw, come on, guys!
11:37 Vertigo?
11:38 Could we seriously not afford better bad guys?
11:42 Ooh, vertigo!
11:45 I'm gonna get dizzy!
11:47 [Grunts]
11:49 Vertigo, not now!
11:51 Got a headache, man!
11:53 [Grunts]
11:55 [Grunts]
11:58 You officially have the lamest power!
12:01 [Grunts]
12:03 I've got you!
12:07 Right where I-
12:08 Right where I want you!
12:10 [Grunts]
12:11 [Lightning strike]
12:12 [Thunder]
12:16 Woo-hoo-hoo!
12:21 [Rain]
12:27 [Cat meows]
12:29 [Rain]
12:38 [Thunder]
12:39 [Screams]
12:41 [Thunder]
12:42 [Rain]
12:46 Not helping!
12:48 Got a stomach!
12:49 [Rain]
12:51 What the-
12:52 [Thunder]
12:53 Oh yeah!
12:54 Shh!
12:55 Yes, sinister. All my satellites are in place.
12:58 Ready for your broadcasts.
13:00 Excellent.
13:01 Ooh, Mr. Batty Badguy.
13:03 He's a mutate like me.
13:05 He never wants to go out for beers.
13:07 He uses his genius intellect to study cloning,
13:09 and all sorts of crap that bad guys do to make armies.
13:12 He's also the boss of the Marauders,
13:14 total losers who do his evil bidding.
13:16 Evil.
13:17 Evil.
13:19 You are no longer any use to me, Bill.
13:25 But, but, but-
13:27 [Gunshot]
13:28 [Glass shattering]
13:29 Shit, there goes our contract money.
13:31 Wait, wait, wait. Is that how the script goes?
13:33 Eh, time to have a little chat with Sinister.
13:36 Hey there, Captain Douche.
13:39 You know, I don't appreciate you killing my target before I could.
13:42 Now I need to collect from your sorry ass.
13:46 Should I be impressed?
13:49 What the hell?
13:51 Why is this happening?
13:54 [Glass shattering]
13:56 Come, Blockbuster. Genosha awaits.
14:01 Psylocke?
14:08 Domino.
14:09 Boner, engaged.
14:11 What are you ex-babes doing here?
14:13 We'd probably know if we'd read the original script.
14:16 Deadpool, you need to listen to me.
14:19 Mr. Sinister has taken over Chance White's-
14:21 Hard to believe we used to date her.
14:23 Why'd you dump her? She's hot!
14:25 Not as hot as Psylocke, though.
14:28 Were you even paying attention?
14:30 Wolverine? Rogue?
14:31 Hey, you're here too?
14:33 I read him the script.
14:35 Like the girls said, we gotta go to Genosha if we're gonna stop Mr. Sinister from-
14:39 Wait, Genosha the island?
14:41 Hey, we'll have to fly there!
14:43 Are we taking the Blackbird?
14:44 Oh, I always wanted to fly the Blackbird.
14:46 No goddamn way.
14:48 [Screaming]
14:50 Deadpool, quit fooling around!
14:52 [Screaming]
14:53 Let's just kill all the X-Men.
14:55 Deadpool, look out!
15:08 See? Montage! Works every time!
15:13 We crashed.
15:14 Yeah, but we crashed on Genosha!
15:16 It seems our flight was little more than the X-Chubs could handle.
15:22 Ooh, are they dead?
15:24 Let's gently poke the furry one and find out.
15:26 Oh, Wolvie, time to wake up!
15:34 Rise and shine, stubby!
15:35 Wake up! Up and at 'em!
15:37 Fine, then.
15:38 That's for all the clown shows.
15:40 That's for never calling just to say hi.
15:42 That's because I get aroused when I slap people.
15:44 That's for all the furry midgets in the world.
15:47 That's because I feel like it.
15:49 Why won't you wake up?
15:52 That's because the player keeps mashing the button.
15:54 That's because I like slapping fleshy things with this hand.
15:57 That's for beating more comics than me.
15:59 That's for making me love you.
16:02 That's for making me hate you.
16:04 That's for never taking us to the prom.
16:08 That's for always working late.
16:10 That's for being short.
16:11 That's for stabbing me in the heart.
16:14 Literally.
16:15 That's for never letting me fly the Blackbird except when I crashed it.
16:18 That's for being the worst wingman in bro-man's history.
16:21 That's because I want to see if the player will keep doing this.
16:24 That's for all the hot gamer girls out there.
16:26 Hey, call me.
16:28 That's for being a total douche.
16:30 I guess he's not waking up.
16:31 Curious.
16:33 Looks like we're flying solo, boys.
16:35 Wolverine!
16:36 My healing factor came from his DNA.
16:38 So we're like twins.
16:40 Except he's short.
16:41 And furry.
16:42 And he smells funny.
16:43 He loves it when people ask him if they can fly the Blackbird.
16:46 He's got these awesome adamantium claws that cut through anything.
16:49 Including my body when I piss him off.
16:56 It's as if the next section was designed with that in mind.
16:59 There's the way out.
17:00 Through that pipe.
17:02 Oh, man!
17:03 Zoom in on Tubbo up there!
17:09 Stop dropping my camera, player!
17:11 That thing was expensive.
17:13 Now get up!
17:16 Lo, behold!
17:18 Number one fangirl is back!
17:30 I'd ask what that was about, but I don't want to know.
17:34 Time is short.
17:35 We need to get you to Magneto's old citadel across the island.
17:38 Stupid fantasy!
17:40 Don't worry.
17:41 We'll land a real girl someday.
17:43 This is our game, after all.
17:44 Wade!
17:45 Are you listening?
17:46 Don't even bother with that security tower.
17:49 Sinister is up there, broadcasting his--
17:51 Whoa, whoa, hold up.
17:52 Mr. Sinister is up there?
17:53 As in the asshole who killed that other a-hole who was my contract?
17:58 One side, Summers.
18:00 I got me some business to finish.
18:02 Dammit, Wade, stop!
18:03 We don't have time to mess with the security towers.
18:08 What do we do with this?
18:10 Well, we should open it.
18:15 We could win a billion dollars!
18:18 Spin it to win it!
18:25 Magnetic apocalypse?
18:27 That can't be good.
18:34 All right, time to make my own luck.
18:36 Billion dollars, here we come!
18:41 What?
18:42 A cow?
18:43 Nice try, wheel.
18:45 There are no cows on Genosha.
18:50 What the hell?
18:51 All right, billion dollars!
18:53 That is enough!
18:57 Cliffhanger!
18:58 How profound!
19:04 All right, Sinister, time to pay the pi--
19:07 And what the hell happened to you?
19:12 That looks very uncomfortable.
19:14 You.
19:16 Me?
19:17 Deadpool, you repulsive, putrid mutate.
19:21 Destroying this tower will do nothing to stop my plans to instill genetic perfection upon this world.
19:28 Nothing you do will stop my master plans.
19:32 Wait, wait, wait.
19:33 Are you stuck in there?
19:35 No.
19:37 That would be ridiculous.
19:38 Oh, so then you wouldn't mind if I played with this?
19:43 Wait, what are you doing?
19:45 No, don't touch that!
19:46 I don't know about you, but...
19:50 Out of my way!
19:52 Funny!
19:53 What?
19:55 Die, you mother!
19:57 Oh, fucking hell!
20:00 You mother-fucking dog!
20:06 Dang it!
20:10 Wait, what does this one do?
20:18 Oh, Dying-a-time!
20:33 Hey, Summers!
20:35 Was that the big problem you needed help with?
20:37 Because I just took care of it.
20:39 Like a boss!
20:40 Us, uh...
20:41 Wade, that wasn't--
20:42 Seriously, roll credits.
20:45 Woo!
20:52 That wasn't Sinister, that was a clone!
20:55 Damn, Summers, what'd you have for breakfast?
20:58 Smells like tacos.
20:59 You like tacos, Wade?
21:01 No, you know, I know this hot taco lady, Samantha.
21:04 Oh, she makes the best--
21:05 Wade, what if you could never eat one of Samantha's tacos ever again?
21:11 What you talking about, Summers?
21:13 Mr. Sinister is going to kill Samantha, destroy all her tacos,
21:18 and everyone else in this planet, unless you stop him.
21:22 Shit just got real!
21:24 Indeed.
21:25 So, we going back-to-back train style on this one?
21:28 Uh, no, I can't stay.
21:31 I'm fighting my own battles in the future, all of which hinge on what you do here and now.
21:42 Anyway, the real Mr. Sinister is holed up on Magneto's old citadel on the far side of the island.
21:49 Easily a day's walk, so we'd better--
21:51 Fuck walking!
21:52 Get ready for plan awesome!
21:59 If you insist on me building this thing, then I'll need two parts.
22:03 My readings show the first one is that way.
22:05 Mochas chimichangos, amigo!
22:08 Summers, here's the last part you need.
22:11 Now let's roll out!
22:14 Uh, wrong franchise, buddy.
22:17 Wade, this has got to be the dumbest idea you've ever had.
22:21 The risk is considerable.
22:23 This is my--
22:24 Great, Cable! Thanks, Austin, for buying TV and graphics!
22:29 Damn it, Wade!
22:40 Yo, dawg, I heard you like boots.
22:42 So I put my boots in this boot so I can stomp you while I stomp you.
22:48 Yeeeaaah!
22:50 Ouch!
22:53 It's cool! We totally meant to do that!
22:57 Yeah, we're gonna call bullshit.
23:02 Hey, bad guys! Time out for a sec!
23:04 Need to fix our boots.
23:07 Yeah, this is gonna end well.
23:09 C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
23:11 Buckmatch something!
23:14 There we go.
23:21 Well, that worked out a little better.
23:27 Nope.
23:29 Uh-uh.
23:31 Nope.
23:34 Woooooooo!
23:36 Aw, shit!
23:37 Nooooooooooooo!
23:40 Random ouch!
23:41 Random pain!
23:46 Shit!
23:53 Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!
23:55 Yeah, I'd know.
23:56 This is a plan!
23:59 Yeah! I told Cable this was a good plan!
24:02 Perfect execution, perfect timing, one of our finest moments.
24:06 I did poop a little.
24:08 All part of the plan.
24:14 Sure were a lot of expensive setups in that level.
24:17 Hope Peter's okay with the budget.
24:19 Budget? We'll show him budget!
24:22 Watch this!
24:26 Hey, there's Rome!
24:27 Flying just like us!
24:29 Flying right at us!
24:31 Cable, look out!
24:36 Being upside down is fun!
24:38 Ah, the sweet southern bell from Mississippi.
24:41 Rogue is hotter than the sun in the summertime.
24:44 She says shit like that.
24:46 Rogue absorbs the skills, powers, memories, and anything else through skin-on-skin contact.
24:52 Hey, I could get down with some skin-on-skin contact.
25:00 Being upside down is fun!
25:02 Deadpool, quit fooling around!
25:04 I can't hold on like this!
25:06 Wait, you're Rogue! You can fly?
25:09 Fly away! Fly away, little bro!
25:12 Sinister is here. I can feel him nullifying my powers.
25:16 I can't hold on much longer!
25:18 Hang on!
25:19 I'm running!
25:22 Anything worth doing is worth doing with rockets.
25:26 Louise, no!
25:28 Don't slip in!
25:30 Hold tight, Rogue! I'm killing these bastards as fast as I can!
25:34 Fazy wall dudes again! Those guys are tricky!
25:40 Gotcha! Wait till Sinister gets his hands on you!
25:45 Isn't that Blockbuster?
25:47 Shit! That's not good.
25:51 I'm gonna hurt!
26:04 I gotta get my head on straight. Nice ass!
26:09 Wait, that's our ass.
26:12 We'll need to find our arm that twists the head back on.
26:16 Darn it! Even the controls are backwards!
26:19 Pretty confusing.
26:21 Come on, Blair! Figure it out!
26:23 Is that Mr. Sugums? What's he doing down here?
26:26 Hey!
26:28 Well, the mud has good taste.
26:31 Drop it! Drop it!
26:33 Don't make me shoot you, boo-boo!
26:36 Come on, don't you have balls to lick?
26:39 Come lick my balls!
26:44 Want a treat?
26:46 Okay, now don't go anywhere!
26:54 There we go!
26:59 Much better!
27:02 Good boy! Who's a good doggie?
27:08 That's right, Sid!
27:10 Now to find the X-Face!
27:12 Who?
27:13 You know, Rogue!
27:15 Spread out! He's gotta be down here somewhere!
27:17 No one could have survived that.
27:19 He's dead!
27:20 Just shut up and look! We gotta confer with Blockbuster!
27:24 You dicks hang out here often?
27:26 Get it? The dicks.
27:28 Dude, seriously?
27:30 The pee-pee song!
27:32 I'm gonna sing the pee-pee song!
27:36 Nice dick.
27:39 I haven't drained the old lizard since level one.
27:42 Dude, don't talk while I pee, alright?
27:49 That water is cold.
27:52 And deep.
27:59 Yeah, I don't measure by length. I go by weight.
28:07 Hey, blood in your pee is normal, right?
28:17 It burns so good!
28:25 I think I just passed a stone.
28:28 Damn it, not my shoes!
28:34 Hey, buddy! Wanna give me a hand with this? It's kinda heavy.
28:37 Not cool, man.
28:39 Really?
28:44 Not one to judge, but why don't your drapes match the carpet?
28:47 Dude, don't look! I didn't go here.
28:54 You should really have those moles checked.
28:57 Is this normal?
29:00 I get it. Never break the guy code again.
29:07 Damn it, I can't think of any good dick jokes.
29:10 What a wasted opportunity.
29:15 My god, what the?
29:17 Why is this happening?
29:21 We need to make a quick phone call.
29:24 Hey there, Deadpool! What the hell is High Moon doing to my game?
29:29 Use the money I transferred to your account and patch this shit! Now!
29:38 Oh, baby! Is that what I think it is?
29:41 This must be a trick. Why would there be-
29:44 Shut it, Stuffy! We gotta get down there!
29:47 I'm telling you, it's a trick of some sort.
29:50 If you saw what we saw, you wouldn't be saying that.
29:53 That makes no sense. We all saw what you saw.
30:06 Here he comes! Here he comes! Get ready! Get ready! Get ready!
30:10 Quiet, or he'll hear you!
30:16 Surprise!
30:18 Well, it's about time someone recognized the need to throw us apart.
30:23 Look, there's Rogue over in the VIP section.
30:35 Mind if I saddle up to this waterhole?
30:38 Ooh, I love it when you talk like that.
30:41 Yes! Now that's more like it.
30:44 What? I wasn't talking to you, jerk! Get away!
30:49 Does this qualify as an Easter egg?
30:52 With all the bunnies around here, I'd say yes.
31:08 Everyone gets in if they're not on the list.
31:14 Easy there, Captain Hurrypants. We've got some ladies to woo first.
31:23 So, what are the chances I could get some play here?
31:27 Ew, go away! We're not into dudes.
31:31 Hey, sweet cheeks, that means we've got something in common.
31:41 Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into the cheap motel room across the street.
31:48 The whole game should be just like this.
31:56 So, if I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting tailed?
32:08 Hi, Deadpool.
32:10 So I totally told her this wasn't going to be a hot party, so she didn't come.
32:14 Thank God she's not cool enough to hang out with Deadpool.
32:17 I know! I can't believe she has 2% body fat. I mean, really?
32:21 Oh my God, this conversation is so cliché.
32:25 I know, right? We're so specifically written as female trunks it's almost painful.
32:30 Blah blah blah blah blah.
32:40 He's dreamy.
33:02 Hi, name's Deadpool. Perhaps you've heard of me, the star of the game that you're currently in.
33:07 Oh yeah, don't you have your own reality show?
33:11 Yep, that's me. So, wanna make out?
33:15 No way!
33:22 Hey look, it's Psylocke. Wow, I want me some of that.
33:33 Why hello nurses. How are we today? Care for a drink?
33:37 Hi, Deadpool. Nice muscles.
33:40 I was gonna say that!
33:42 Ladies, ladies, I don't mind repeat compliments. This party is awesome!
33:48 Thank you, High Moon Studios.
34:00 Ooh, I love this song!
34:02 Dance party!
34:04 So sexy.
34:12 Hey, isn't that Gambit? What the heck is he doing here?
34:15 Trying to muscle in on our action? What a card.
34:28 Rogue!
34:29 Deadpool? What are you-
34:32 Don't waste your time with her.
34:35 Oh, daddy likes.
34:38 Just wait honey, I'm about to blow you away.
34:50 What the hell? You mean this whole party was just in our head?
34:54 Surprise!
34:56 Huh?
34:57 Sinister's got plans for you.
35:00 Hey, let me go! Deadpool!
35:05 It's payback time, you amazing son of a bitch!
35:08 Hold up! I've got an idea. Rogue will be so impressed when I save her.
35:15 Hey, player! You coming or what?
35:18 No thanks.
35:19 Move that camera and find me.
35:25 I'm over here.
35:29 That'll blow up real nice.
35:32 Oh, I see. We're planting bombs.
35:40 I told you.
35:42 You're sinister!
35:43 Experiment with Rogue is finished.
35:46 Snake, you're still alive, you say?
35:50 Guess this is the real sinister.
35:52 Maybe if you kill him stealthily, he'll die for real this time.
35:56 We'll need to be extra quiet. No shooting, throwing grenades, or funny business.
36:01 They better not mess this up and alert the guards.
36:04 They get it and we get it. Up close and personal.
36:07 Sinister will know what hit him.
36:10 Remember, silent but deadly.
36:13 Like bad dog farts.
36:15 [GASP]
36:31 Are you almost done?
36:34 Where the hell is this conversation going?
36:39 Hey, numbnuts! We're about to kill Sinister and beat the game, and you're spending time talking to him?
36:47 Don't do it. Guy has "loser" written all over him.
36:52 You shouldn't converse with strangers online. They'll end up at your front door and put their finger in you.
37:03 Come on, already!
37:08 Damn, this guy is desperate.
37:12 Just press the button!
37:18 He's married? Hope you're not a minor.
37:22 Damn, I think he is coming over.
37:31 One quick thrust.
37:35 Surprise! Ha! Got the little bitch this time, didn't we?
37:47 Pose for the camera, Mr. Silly.
37:53 I am sooo posting this on Twerk.
38:13 Idiot. You killed another clone.
38:15 Shot it, Somers! Are you texting from the future?
38:18 Yes. Don't believe me? Check the label on his back.
38:22 Says "Made in China". Machine wash. Cold only.
38:25 The other label.
38:27 Ah! This is another goddamn clone.
38:30 You also completely forgot to rescue Rogue.
38:33 By the way, she's about to be tortured and killed by Blockbuster in some kind of arena.
38:38 Shit!
38:41 Deadpool just checked into arena.
38:50 Looks like we got here just in the nick of time.
39:06 Yowza! Rogue is messed up!
39:09 She needs to absorb our healing factor through... skin contact.
39:14 Yes!
39:15 Rogue, there's no time to explain, but we gotta suck face like there's no tomorrow.
39:22 Oh, I'll be gentle, darling.
39:25 Hey! Holy shit!
39:28 Is that even legal?
39:30 Rogue, baby! You're sucking too much of my...
39:35 Oh... my...
39:39 Now that's what I call a kiss, sugar.
39:43 Holy shit! We're in her head now!
39:47 Girls are as firm as ever.
39:50 Ma'am, I'm a little turned on right now.
39:57 It's showtime!
39:59 Are we in her head?
40:00 Enjoy it while it lasts. We have boobs attached to us.
40:04 Marino!
40:05 Huh. Is that the best y'all can do?
40:08 I... I don't wanna.
40:11 More. More!
40:23 She's kicking their asses!
40:25 Come on now, can't y'all handle a little old me?
40:28 She's so hot!
40:30 Don't forget sassy.
40:32 Give me one, little mama!
40:39 Am I too much woman for y'all?
40:41 Give 'em hell, Rogue!
40:43 Don't go easy on me now.
40:47 You have to be better than that, boy!
40:52 Is that all that you've got?
41:01 I'm gonna show you.
41:06 Feels so... alive!
41:20 Don't worry, Rogue. We'll save you.
41:29 Mr. Snickers!
41:31 What are you...
41:39 Aaaaaah!
41:48 No guts, no gory.
41:50 Ha ha! You see what we did there?
41:52 About to... forget it.
41:54 How profound.
41:57 All right, the cot is ready.
41:59 Use that lever to open the gate!
42:01 Okay, I'm pulling this lever right here to open the gate.
42:04 Which lever?
42:05 This lever!
42:08 That's fine, we'll open that lever soon.
42:10 Yes, the gate is now open because I pulled that lever!
42:14 D'oh! We get it, High Moon. Thanks.
42:22 Nuts, this is gonna hurt.
42:32 All right, player, let's not be shy.
42:34 Just start a-cuttin'.
42:38 Dude! We have another dude inside us!
42:40 Yeah, not in the fun way.
42:42 What is that?
42:43 It's a four-armed zombie!
42:45 You know there'd be zombies down here! Kill it!
42:52 Did that hit you in the...
42:55 Yes, yes! Stand next to the red barrels!
43:03 That fool angry!
43:06 It's unstoppable! Kegs and grenades!
43:09 But the gate is usually stable!
43:11 Sure, we have to risk it!
43:20 Holy shit!
43:21 What is that?
43:31 Hey, babe! Good to see ya!
43:33 Dad! My girl!
43:35 Omnipotent! Otherworldly! Hot!
43:38 She totally wants me, and I understand that because I totally want me too.
43:42 We met during some of my near-death experiences.
43:44 We can't be together until I die, but I can't die!
44:00 Hey, babe! Good to see ya!
44:03 It's been a long time, darling.
44:06 What am I doing here? What are you doing here?
44:08 Why are we dancing?
44:10 You've bled out, my love.
44:12 And now we're together.
44:14 As always, our time is short.
44:17 I need you to do something for me.
44:19 Just name it, sugar skull.
44:22 Mr. Sinister is exhuming mutant corpses and harvesting their DNA.
44:27 Ooh, sounds heavy.
44:28 The spirits of those mutants still linger here, yearning to stop him.
44:32 I cannot claim them.
44:35 Hey, who ate my Le Burger with queso?
44:38 You want me to free their souls, my bony muffin?
44:42 Yes.
44:44 I got this, babe.
44:45 Deadpool.
44:47 Yes, my bony bride?
44:49 Pull yourself together.
44:55 Ah, what a dream.
44:58 We're sending you down the tracks.
45:05 Yeah, treasure hunters don't know what to do with a zombie.
45:08 We forgot to pull the lever!
45:11 All right, a keg to get the minecart moving.
45:14 But why use one keg when we can use three?
45:19 Why use three when we can use one million exploding kegs?
45:27 Hey, stop! That isn't a toy! Stop!
45:31 It wasn't programmed to handle this type of abuse.
45:34 Oh, no! Stop, please! You'll break the scripting for the level!
45:38 Script? Hey, only I'm allowed to break the fourth wall in this game.
45:43 Hey, where did that keg machine go?
45:45 In the kegs!
45:46 Maybe we should have listened to that cow.
45:58 Yep, definitely broken scripting.
46:00 That keg should totally be blowing up right now!
46:06 Hands in the air!
46:08 Here we go!
46:15 Hey, hey, boo! I can't get a bone to pick with you!
46:19 Skeletons?
46:20 There's your stinky meatbag!
46:23 Skeletons with outrageous French accents?
46:27 Only in our game.
46:30 Faster!
46:31 Faster!
46:34 You mother-toy!
46:37 No!
46:49 Hey, it's Cable!
46:51 What up, Cable, old pal?
46:53 Shut up and get down here!
46:54 Can do! You have got to try this ride!
46:57 Sinister's clones are here.
46:59 My calculations show this to be a major confluence of temporal flux.
47:03 Of course, temporal flux. I don't get it.
47:06 Just play along.
47:07 Damn it, Deadpool! You have no idea how important your role is in stopping Sinister!
47:13 Man, I hate standing in line!
47:15 Easy, I want a ride here. Don't mess this up for me.
47:20 You know, I have to say, I was impressed by the realistic boom physics.
47:29 Oh! Okay, I'll wait.
47:34 Oh, I ate too much candy corn. Oh, Jesus.
47:41 Seriously, buy the ticket already!
47:46 I want to go again! Again, again, again, again!
47:53 Oh my God! Who let one rip?
47:57 It was me.
47:58 Oh God, the smell!
48:06 One ticket, please.
48:10 Two of you could fit in that cart!
48:19 Oh man, that was great!
48:21 There had better be something good for all this waiting.
48:30 Yeah, boy! An award! Still not sure if it was worth it.
48:34 A ticket, my love? A coin for the ferryman?
48:40 One, please.
48:41 Your ticket.
48:43 Oh yeah, let's do this thing.
48:45 Win me a prize. And don't forget to scream.
48:51 There better not be any clowns on this ride. I freaking hate clowns.
48:55 And cows. Because cows are clowns without the L in the end.
49:14 Hee hee hee! Step right up and join the scariest show on Earth!
49:20 Oh cool, it's a circus!
49:24 Oh, a tunnel of love! That ride was fun.
49:27 But I can't help but wonder where all the clones went.
49:31 You've done more than you know. Don't speak, just kiss me.
49:43 Hey hey, I'm back!
49:45 Hop on, my darling.
49:48 Have I ever told you that you're my favorite dead girl?
49:53 Oh, thank you.
50:01 Good luck.
50:09 I'm ready for the lion and the prey.
50:17 I'm ready for the lion and the prey.
50:43 Wait, what the hell?
50:47 Shit! Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!
50:53 Oh, that wasn't so bad.
50:55 We could have done that with our eyes.
51:03 Hey, hey! Look over here!
51:12 Behold, the treasure of the great mutant of transmutation.
51:17 Under his rule, society learned that greed has its price.
51:26 The destruction of the catacombs can now begin.
51:30 Now we can be together. Forever!
51:34 This means we're going to be...
51:39 Ah, baby, you're the deadest.
51:44 You released the spirits for me. Thank you, my darling.
51:49 Now you must leave me.
51:53 What? No, no, bae. Was it something I said?
51:57 Oh, it's something you are, Wade.
52:01 You're alive. Go, finish your journey and stop Sinister.
52:08 But baby...
52:10 Our time will come.
52:12 You believe this? Cock-blocked twice in my own game.
52:17 Cowboy up, nerd. It's time for villain farmers to pay the ferryman.
52:23 That's an America "Fuck Yeah" moment right there.
52:32 What is this strange new world death has presented us with?
52:36 It's Chinosha.
52:38 We're back on the surface.
52:39 I love it. It's very French.
52:42 Focus. We should get to...
52:44 Oh my God, what's that over there?
52:51 I smell cheap hot sauce.
52:54 Deadpool, I know you're around here.
52:57 Hey, how are you?
52:59 What were you doing over there?
53:01 Just a little surprise for our player.
53:04 What? Whatever, we gotta move.
53:07 We need everybody on this one if we're gonna stop Sinister.
53:10 That means you too.
53:12 Yeah, duh. It's my game.
53:14 Game? This is serious.
53:18 You quit scratching your ass, bub, and get into the fight.
53:24 You said ass, bub.
53:34 Hell of a thing, killing a man.
53:36 Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
53:39 We're totally breaching this door and killing everyone inside, aren't we?
53:42 Yep. Time for some shameless cross-promotion.
53:45 Player, cue that slow-mo.
53:48 If that hits you in the chest, I'm sorry.
53:51 I'm saving for your crotch.
54:17 Launch sequence initiator.
54:22 Aerodynamic stabilizer activated.
54:28 Carpool lane, buddy. Seated and comfy.
54:36 Advanced propulsion systems online.
54:44 Of course! We need fuel.
54:57 What's this baby hit 69.9 miles per hour?
55:12 My god, what's that over there?
55:27 What were you doing over there?
55:29 Just a little surprise for our player.
55:59 Is that... dead?
56:18 I didn't sign up for this.
56:46 Woo-hoo-hoo!
56:50 Ha! What a bunch of chumps.
56:53 Ha-ha-ha! You see the look on the X-Chump's faces?
56:57 Maybe we should wait for them?
56:59 What? No way. We're taking Sinister down ourselves.
57:03 This is our game.
57:14 Deadpool!
57:16 I do everything myself.
57:18 What the...
57:35 Enough! Deadpool, you are a repulsament!
57:40 Revolting!
57:43 Disgusting abomination!
57:46 With no place in this world!
57:49 Well, here we are. The moment of truth.
57:51 Can you believe it?
57:53 You know, I wasn't sure how you do, but...
57:55 Gotta say, you crushed it.
57:57 Well, we crushed it.
57:59 We make an amazing team.
58:01 Nearly brings us to tears.
58:03 We should do this more often.
58:05 We thought it'd be better for the game if we did it this way.
58:07 You know, giving you the glory after we did all the work.
58:10 Just push your button to execute our super awesome amazing plan.
58:24 Wait, that was the real Sinister, right?
58:31 Seriously, roll credits. We're done here.
58:33 Woo!
58:43 Holy shit.
58:45 That was awesome!