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00:00 RJ's Pals and Gals, 125, a little seedy.
00:04 It's charming that the story is about how even a UFO can be an outdated, run-down piece of junk.
00:10 The good thing about the story is just how creative it is about it.
00:13 But it makes no sense that Mr. Launch has to use a remote to operate the robot mowing his lawn.
00:20 Depending on where he's sitting, he won't be able to see what's right in front of the robot, so he can steer it into flowers by accident.
00:28 What's the point of a robot that's not automatic?
00:30 Most robots would be automatic.
00:33 RJ flies too close to him, and he jumps away from Gus and gets apologized to, and told that his air compression brakes aren't working well.
00:42 It's interesting that the story tries to explain how a UFO could work, even if it's probably not measuring up to reality.
00:48 I would assume it's based on an exaggerated version of magnetism.
00:52 Mr. Launch is mad because he just had his lawn reseeded, and now the seeds are scattered.
00:58 He has to be being sarcastic when he says he'll have grass growing out of places it shouldn't be able to grow out of.
01:02 RJ tells him he could program his robot to vacuum up the seeds with a heavy-duty bank.
01:07 But that's not programming it because he's not typing.
01:11 The robot vacuums the flowers because there's grass seeds on them.
01:15 I guess it makes sense because RJ's an idiot, so he's not supposed to be super amazing at programming.
01:21 There's too much focus on how upset Mr. Launch is about it.
01:26 At least RJ decides to vacuum the seeds for him, and he cuts down putting them all in a pile.
01:31 He asks him if he wants him to spread them around, and he paranoidly says no because he naturally doesn't trust him.
01:37 Veronica tells RJ to take her out to get a sundae.
01:41 And Mr. Launch tells RJ not to start his engine yet.
01:45 But he does so anyways, and Veronica says her dad's waving, and RJ asks him if he wants to say something to him.
01:52 So it actually explains why RJ made that mistake, that he didn't hear him because he's in a spaceship.
01:57 And he's supposed to be an idiot, but even an idiot should've known that starting the engine would spread the seeds because of the wind.
02:04 And I think this could've been avoided if Veronica had her own car, because then she would say, "We'll take my car to get a sundae."
02:12 His spaceship takes off, and he accidentally covered Mr. Launch with soot.
02:16 This story was about RJ's stupidity tormenting Mr. Launch when he did nothing to deserve it.
02:23 So the reason it's more entertaining than frustrating is that it was the UFO and a stupid robot that caused him trouble.
02:29 And it always made sense.
02:31 RJ's Paladin Gal is 126.
02:34 Space out.
02:35 RJ acts like it's new for Dilton to have a servant robot.
02:40 We usually only see servant robots working in a house if it's a mansion, so it makes sense that Dilton had to make one to have it.
02:46 But what's confusing is that it took until now for him to do so.
02:51 Why did he name it Othaw?
02:52 So Othaw's cleaning out his father's space pad, whatever that is.
02:57 There's no reason he would say "space."
02:59 RJ unnecessarily says "terrific" and reminds him that he's a genius.
03:04 You've gotta appreciate the little things with this jerk.
03:06 He also says it's fantastic that he can program it to do anything.
03:11 He also says that because he's strong, he'd be a great bodyguard.
03:14 So he asks out Midge to the ridiculously named Space Hop, and she warns him to keep it down.
03:20 He kisses Midge, who's at least happy about it, and hopefully RJ was smart enough to use the remotes for the robot while saying that Moose isn't gonna bully him anymore.
03:28 It's always been predictable that the robot might fail to protect him from Moose, because these stories are short.
03:34 It's convenient that the robot knew to call him "Master," even though he was never told to call him that by his real master.
03:40 He picks up Moose, and out of complete nowhere, Moose calls in a robot of his own to take care of the robot.
03:47 And conveniently for him, he instantly knows to hit the robot, when "take care of" could easily be misinterpreted by a robot.
03:54 Why is Midge smiling when she was just concerned that RJ could get beaten up earlier, and she'd know he's in danger now?
04:01 And somehow she's stupid enough to ask RJ "what about the dance?" when he's obviously willing to risk going to it.
04:07 The story justifies that he has a robot because of Diltons' friend.
04:11 He could've easily not have completed Moose's robot yet, because RJ just saw Diltons.
04:18 And he just happened to only feel like activating his robot after he completed the second one.
04:23 But that could make sense because Dilton likes Moose so much that he went with that because he knew RJ would try this plan and wanted to fail.
04:30 I don't even know why Dilton likes Moose. It makes more sense that he's only doing this to bother RJ.
04:35 The problem is, Moose's robot is outside of his house, and there's no reason it would be.
04:41 It's not like Moose went shopping with Midge, and so he wanted there to carry stuff so he doesn't have to.
04:47 As if it wasn't enough of a stretch that Dilton would want Moose to keep his girlfriend when everyone knows he doesn't deserve to.
04:53 There's no reason this robot would be in Pop-Tate's because it'd have nothing to do.
04:57 Moose is more than strong enough to not even want its help.
05:00 This story has RJ borrow Diltons' robot to try to get away with asking Midge out in front of Moose.
05:07 And it's so predictable that he fails.
05:09 But thankfully, it's not because of some bullshit that the robot can't take Moose.
05:14 It comes out of nowhere that Moose has a robot.
05:17 And I have to assume it was only built specifically to bother Reggie.
05:21 And even though I know Midge is his girlfriend, so Reggie would be in the wrong for asking her out in front of him.
05:26 It's still annoying that he has a robot after all the times in the Archie comics where he got violence with people for overly petty reasons.
05:32 And proved that he was really strong, meaning he wouldn't need a robot.
05:36 Plus, Midge wanted to go with Reggie.
05:39 Everything's Archie '77.
05:42 And Alien's surprised that Earth sent Archie's team to the Intergalactic Olympics because Earth hasn't won the gold in 20 years.
05:49 That doesn't mean it's dumb, that's not the case with the real Olympics.
05:52 So that guy's either stupid or lying to taunt them.
05:55 The only reason that Archie and his friends would be expected to compete in the Olympics is if they're adults in this universe.
06:01 Archie does some pole vaulting and gets complimented, and thanks the human who did it.
06:07 The frog alien jumps over the thing and somehow doesn't get disqualified for not using the pole.
06:12 So the story's begging for me to stop caring about it because it doesn't care about making sense.
06:18 But the aliens are too interesting.
06:20 So at this point I don't care about what any of the Archie characters are doing because I just want to see the aliens.
06:25 Of course it stays in its pattern where all of Archie's team does good in a boring way.
06:31 The fish girl swims and somehow has a sign saying that she already won.
06:36 She must have had that made and set aside ahead of time because it'd take a while to write it and where would she get it?
06:42 Archie smartly wonders if he should give up and Betty encourages him.
06:46 His friend tells him not to worry and we see four-armed aliens do canoeing,
06:50 only to start arguing over who should be photographed first as they cross the finish line.
06:55 The announcer must be picking up what they're saying with flying microphones.
06:59 Normally, I wouldn't expect the announcer at the Olympics to be able to hear what the sports participants are saying.
07:05 So the story ends with Archie's team winning because of cooperation,
07:08 which was foreshadowed earlier.
07:11 This story was about interesting aliens doing great at the Olympics because of their biology,
07:16 with the frog not being disqualified somehow.
07:19 It's good that it came up with a sort of believable excuse for Archie to win and most of the time the aliens weren't intentionally cheating.
07:26 But the only thing not boring about the story is the aliens.
07:30 Block Comics 328 Future School Days
07:35 A robot hands on a monitor wakes Archie up for the school day,
07:38 and I wonder why he's not lying in bed where he'd actually be comfortable.
07:42 Instead, it looks like he was just taking a nap.
07:45 Miss Grundy asks if everyone did the homework.
07:48 Normally, I think it's unrealistic that everyone has to do school at home in the future.
07:53 And it would be unrealistic if things were like that for decades on end.
07:57 But now we know it could be realistic if there's a deadly illness everywhere. So that must be it.
08:03 He didn't do the homework and he lies that he doesn't feel well in comps.
08:06 She says she'll put the nurse on.
08:09 He should have expected that and not bothered.
08:11 The monitor has the robot hand put something on his tongue and the nurse says he's fine.
08:17 Archie makes an excuse that he has to take a memory pill and runs all the way out of the house.
08:22 A robot grabs him saying that he's his truant officer,
08:26 even though truant officers aren't a thing now because they're not allowed to make physical contact with the kids.
08:31 And apparently nobody cares anymore about people ditching school. The robot brings Archie back to his seat at home.
08:37 And he's told to press the button to get to some tapes and answer some questions.
08:42 Laugh Comics 329.
08:45 It turns out the students love the new study programmer and use it every chance they get because it crams a lot of school info
08:52 into the brain right away. Could they replace teachers with this?
08:55 He sure is soft-hearted to not fire all of them right away then.
09:00 I immediately predicted that the reason the students keep using the thing is for a different reason than he expects.
09:05 It turns out Jughead is learning about food.
09:07 Weatherby found out because for no reason at all, there's a screen displaying what the students learning about.
09:13 I guess it's to rat the student out if they're learning about something the teachers would disapprove of.
09:19 But why would the teachers want to learn about that? I mean, they'd be a lot happier being oblivious to that point.
09:26 He turns it off angrily and finds out he was learning about a cookbook.
09:29 Now I have to assume the reason he's getting mad about this even though his school has a cooking class is that Jughead's not part of it.
09:37 So he thinks he's wasting time by not learning something he could use in his current school year.
09:42 But he's still learning valuable information.
09:45 He's also upset at seeing that Archie's learning about girls' summer fashion just so they can stare at the girls.
09:52 There's no reason to get to see the girls themselves instead of just the clothes.
09:56 He says the machine's supposed to be about learning subjects that are beneficial to them.
10:01 Archie says that's what they thought they were doing.
10:03 It is beneficial in that they're happy about it. Weatherby really needs to say that Jughead's not part of a home ec class.
10:10 Because he's blatantly wrong to get mad at him for wanting to learn how to cook.
10:15 Maybe this was released early enough that he still hates when guys learn how to cook.
10:20 He says he'll select some tastes for them and for no reason there's an explosion.
10:23 And he assumes it's because they're too stupid for the machine to help them.
10:27 Would it really be the machine's fault?
10:30 Nobody knows who wrote this story.
10:33 That's the case for a lot of these stories.
10:35 Laugh Comics
10:38 334. Archie offers to drive Veronica to Pop Tate's but she'd rather get a ride from Reggie with him.
10:43 Because the last time she rode with Archie, they got stopped for galaxy polluting and had to be towed home.
10:49 He says he's taking care of that problem, so she humors him.
10:52 She saves some pollution from his spaceship anyways and eventually a cop pulls them over.
10:57 And somehow he's the same one that stopped Archie before about polluting the galaxy.
11:01 Even though the words galaxy polluting makes me assume he had to have been stopped in outer space.
11:06 And he's flying in earth's sky now.
11:09 The cop says he can't let him drive the car until he gets his pollution screen.
11:14 Which he didn't have the money to buy it.
11:17 Somehow Veronica thinks this is embarrassing for her, not just Archie.
11:21 He says he did resolve the problem because Ronnie can use a jet pack to push his car home.
11:27 Why would that be considered a better way to get the car home than the cop calling a tow wagon would it take a lot longer?
11:33 I guess he really wanted to spare himself the effort of calling it the slightest excuse.
11:37 And she'd never actually do this for him.
11:40 Good thing the car is lightweight enough that she can push it.
11:44 And it only makes sense because it's a cartoon.
11:47 You'd think futuristic cars would have even more stuff in them.
11:50 This story is about a cop pulling over Archie for his car causing too much pollution.
11:56 And Ronnie getting told to push it home with a jet pack on.
11:59 If you remove the futuristic elements from it, it's just another typical Archie story.
12:05 PEP 340 A Knockout.
12:08 Archie doesn't like being served the same color food pill as yesterday in the school cafeteria.
12:14 Again, I never like it when fiction uses the food pill concepts like everyone would eat them. It's nonsense.
12:19 And Miss Baisley has the gall to shame him for implying that she's serving him leftover food.
12:25 Even though she probably is because she's a bad person in this story.
12:28 Archie says Betty invited him home for a home-cooked meal after school.
12:33 There's no reason to tell Veronica this because they know how jealous and competitive she is.
12:37 And she insists on cooking for him instead.
12:41 Even though he knows she sucks at it.
12:44 So it's the usual thing where she's stupid enough to keep trying to cook because she doesn't want to accept that she'll never get good at it.
12:49 And she's too selfish to care about the fact that he'd get food poisoning from her.
12:53 Veronica says she's got a device that'll make a delicious meal in seconds from magic, even if you've got no cooking ability at all.
13:00 So at least she's admitting that she knows she's a bad cook and seems to have a good reason to think this will work out.
13:07 But i'm still skeptical because where else would the conflicts come from?
13:12 Veronica puts in the ingredients and types.
13:14 Eventually the ingredients get sent at him somehow.
13:18 Along with the pot roast which is still in the pan. When there's no reason the device would be sold if it's like this.
13:24 So let's just rip off of a Sabrina story called "Using the Old Noodle".
13:29 And somehow she's heartless enough to end the story with a pun when Archie was injured.
13:34 This was a generic Archie story with futuristic technology trying to make up for that.
13:39 Where Veronica wants to impress Archie with a home-cooked meal again.
13:42 So it's pretty frustrating until she reveals that she's got a good reason to think that it'd be a good idea this time.
13:49 But it's arbitrary that gets ingredients flung at him by the miracle cooker.
13:53 So arbitrary that he can't enjoy the slapstick just because Archie and Veronica did something wrong by canceling Archie's date with Betty.
14:00 Veronica is his main girlfriend.
14:03 So aren't we supposed to think he's doing the right thing because if he dates Betty then he's cheating on Veronica?
14:09 Everything's Archie 109.
14:11 2051 AD.
14:15 Archie shows his friend a hologram of his band playing and Jailcat tells some of their agents on the video phones to give them a gig.
14:22 It's weird that he calls it a one-night stand.
14:25 Archie asks why all the groups that went to the planet Durango never came back.
14:30 Then why would this guy give them the gig?
14:33 The way he's drawn it looks like he wants them to get killed.
14:37 But then he would be out of a job.
14:39 If Archie's even asking this that means they got held there against their will because if they really did retire there then people would know about it.
14:47 Veronica stupidly decides to take the gig out of boredom even though it's clearly risky.
14:53 And she's rich so she could just pay her friends not to take it.
14:56 Better yet, she could fly them around the earth until they eventually found a gig.
15:01 If they can fly around the planet a lot faster because of their space cars,
15:07 why would they have to take this gig?
15:09 When there'd be hundreds of gigs at once they could choose from.
15:12 Apparently they're new to this because this is the first time Betty's ever going on a spaceship ride to a place over a light year away.
15:19 Because she asks Archie how they're gonna get to Durango quickly.
15:23 Archie equipped their rockets with a hyperspace drive to get there fast. I guess by driving it through a portal.
15:30 Why does Archie have to tell his friends to switch on their automatic translators?
15:36 It's been nothing but plot holes so far. Why are they impressed by the disco size if their own planet's advanced too?
15:41 Why is Veronica so politically incorrect and has to call the customers weird looking out loud?
15:48 Betty sees people dancing in a weightless dance hall reminding me of a 90s Jetsons comic.
15:54 Eventually a guy shows them a giant monster in their skulls to threaten them and waste too much of their time and reveals that this is a two-headed coin.
16:04 If he's this evil, he wouldn't have thought he needed an excuse to do this to them.
16:08 Archie says that the last request before being taken to the grog is to play his last song.
16:14 Why would the aliens execute every musical group that comes to them from another planet if the groups always do a good job entertaining people?
16:22 Instead of simply keeping them prisoners who work for them for free.
16:25 This demonizes aliens. I assume his mistreatment of them makes sense because he just hates humans.
16:33 Why is Archie the one with the smart plan when he's supposed to be the idiot of the group?
16:36 Why are his friends complaining about his plan when it's going to buy them some time?
16:41 Archie tells his friends that when the curtain goes up,
16:44 everyone will be seeing a hologram of the Archies.
16:47 Giving them time to go back to their van.
16:50 And we see the plan get carried out flawlessly.
16:53 The small size of the panel after this makes it impossible to see that they're holograms.
16:58 But it could have been bigger.
17:01 And if the real Archies were actually in color instead of being silhouettes, we still could have just assumed that this was his plan.
17:06 So us being shown his plan was a waste of a panel.
17:10 The story ends without their agent getting any sort of punishment.
17:13 This story by George Glatter is a contrived one.
17:17 How convenient that the aliens didn't put a guard in front of the back door
17:21 they must have run out of to escape the concert without running through the audience.
17:26 And how is Archie the smart one?
17:29 Everything's Archie 111.
17:31 Archie complains that somehow all you ever see nowadays are robot bands.
17:37 Even though there's no reason that'd be the case because most audiences would find that off-putting.
17:42 Both because they look like robots instead of attractive humans and because they aren't even slightly relatable.
17:48 It doesn't matter that robot bands are cheaper because popular demands would demand celebrities.
17:54 So that'd get enough money to make them the better investment.
17:58 Robot bands would only be put up with at kids' restaurants like Chuck E. Cheese's where there'd be animatronic bands.
18:05 Archie doubts that the booking agents are right because robots require expensive servicing to stay functional.
18:11 Then there should be an explanation for why on earth Reggie would be wrong.
18:15 Also, why is Archie smarter than Reggie?
18:18 Archie says robot musicians sound tinny when there's no reason they'd be intentionally made to sound that way.
18:24 And that's the only way they would.
18:27 Archie says a want to add for humans with a musical background.
18:31 But the guy says his robot band needs humans to help them out by getting them equipment and food and metal polish.
18:39 So his want to add lied.
18:41 Which is stupid because it's just guaranteeing that the only volunteers he'll get are gonna say no.
18:46 I like that the robot says skin instead of exterior.
18:50 Betty pities her friends and wants to make them feel better.
18:54 So Veronica suggests going to the museum because somehow that's a surefire way to make young people perk up.
19:00 They look at the very last gas pump, which somehow says 25 cents per pint.
19:06 Unless it's not the cent sign and actually a brand new sign meaning a hundred dollars.
19:11 After all the last pints of gas ever would be really expensive.
19:15 After that waste of time where I wonder how the hell Archie was smarter than Veronica,
19:19 he sees a crowd and enjoys seeing a video of an old rock concert.
19:24 Which gives him hope that people would accept human rock bands if they try even though he already thought he knew that at the start of the story.
19:31 So that was a waste of time.
19:33 And they see a line of robots waiting to be auditioned on the moon and somehow someone thinks that you can play with such intensity that sparks would fly.
19:41 How is Archie smarter than some adult?
19:44 One of his only personality traits is idiot.
19:48 They find out Dilton helps design robot musicians for his firm.
19:53 This means he's an adult in this universe. So the rest of the Archies are too.
19:57 Reggie calls Dilton now and Archie tells him it's not Dilton's fault when for all we know it is.
20:03 He also gets a plan to tell Dilton to help them.
20:06 This time we don't get our time wasted with them spoiling the plan to us ahead of time.
20:11 It turns out the robot band playing is Archie's band in disguise and Archie thanks the audience and reveals the truth.
20:19 Thankfully his group gets hired and nobody gets mad at being tricked.
20:23 That's good because I never want to see mean-spirited writing again.
20:27 And the robot musicians are fine with being used as gophers.
20:31 Although for all we know that one's got an annoyed tone in his voice.
20:34 But it would have been more satisfying if they made it obvious that they're mad at this.
20:39 This story by George Glider had a premise that made no sense.
20:44 The other big problem with the story was that Archie was smart the whole time instead of anyone else in his band with no intent in making him in character.
20:51 In an episodic series
20:54 you need to have moments where the characters are in character every story.
20:57 And this is especially weird because this is written by one of the people with a lot of experience with writing Archie stories.
21:03 Nobody's in character here. Everything's Archie 116.
21:08 2085 AD.
21:11 There's yet another story where Archie and his friends compete against aliens at an Olympic game.
21:16 Jughead gets shocked in a pool and somehow the alien gets handed the trophy instead of the cops being called on him.
21:22 Why would the games not just qualify anyone who could cheat at them? They get flooded with complaints.
21:27 Already the story is begging for me to stop caring about it. And the only thing interesting is the aliens.
21:34 The short aliens cheat at basketball with stretchy arms.
21:38 It was smart of Weatherby to consider withdrawing his team.
21:41 In this alternate universe where it's normal for a high schooler to be sent to intergalactic Olympics by their principal.
21:47 With one random teacher of theirs from the course being with them.
21:51 Archie stupidly convinced them not to give up and he sees aliens jump out of their space van without consequence.
21:57 And an alien flies over the pole in the pole vault competition.
22:02 The only point of writing plots like this to actually take place during competitions is for the sake of tension.
22:09 But we all know it'll end with Archie winning so there's no point at all.
22:12 It'd be better to have the premise be that there is no contest and the aliens are just showing the humans why they aren't allowed to compete.
22:19 Archie's stories are allowed to be lighthearted. You just have Archie trip at the end.
22:25 We see an alien try to participate in three sports at once.
22:29 Even though he'd only be able to concentrate on one thing.
22:33 Archie wins by participating in five sports at once.
22:37 Somehow being able to carry a barbell with his teeth in a Deus Ex Machina.
22:41 If it is low gravity in this place the barbell lifting wouldn't even be a part of the competition because it wouldn't be impressive.
22:48 He explains the way that teenagers multitask when doing homework.
22:52 But obviously you wouldn't be able to do homework as well with all those distractions.
22:57 And the same would apply to throwing a shot put in frisbee.
23:00 So the only reason you would do well is if you're just that great at it.
23:06 Besides every sentient species with homework would do that.
23:09 So he only won because he got to go after him and try more things at once as a result.
23:14 And he won by cheating anyways because why won't the rules require that everyone have to do
23:21 the same amount of things at once?
23:24 This story by George Glatter and Stan G has another forced premise.
23:29 It has aliens cheated the Olympics against Archie and somehow get away with it.
23:34 So the only enjoyable thing so that it's interesting to look at the aliens and Archie somehow wins.
23:40 *sips tea*