Hans Teeuwen: Trui | movie | 2000 | Official Clip
In his third theatre program the Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen plays with empty wine bottles, little girls and himself. Po | dG1fb21jSlZNeXQybms
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 Oh, shit man.
00:02 What time is it now?
00:04 You know what I really like to do?
00:16 I really love to do that.
00:18 I go to the beach, alone.
00:21 And I sit in the sand.
00:24 I look around a bit.
00:26 I play with my penis.
00:28 I'm a pretty stiff guy.
00:30 And I walk around the beach with my stiff dick.
00:35 And I play with little kids.
00:44 Or I go to the doctor.
00:51 They say I have a genital disease.
00:53 And when I look at my dick, it's right in his face.
00:57 You know what I also like to do?
00:59 I buy an expensive video camera.
01:03 And I return it a week later.
01:05 And I tell them it stinks.
01:07 But you know what I really like to do?
01:15 I go to an abandoned farm.
01:18 A farm with almost no traffic.
01:20 In the middle of the open fields.
01:22 And I wait there until a car comes by.
01:27 And then a car comes by.
01:29 And it's a big rock.
01:31 And then someone gets out of the car.
01:33 "What are you doing, man?"
01:35 "That wasn't me."
01:37 "That was someone else."
01:41 "That was a nigger."
01:43 You know what I also like to do?
01:49 I go to a shawarma place.
01:52 With 300 guilders in my pocket.
01:54 And I sit there.
01:56 And I say...
01:58 "Make me a nice shawarma!"
02:00 "I want a nice shawarma!"
02:02 "Waiter! Shawarma!"
02:04 "I want a nice shawarma, man!"
02:06 "I want a nice shawarma, man!"
02:08 "I want a nice shawarma!"
02:10 "I want a nice shawarma!"
02:12 "I want a nice shawarma!"
02:14 "I want a nice shawarma, man!"
02:16 "I want a nice shawarma, man!"
02:18 Well, I get the shawarma.
02:20 I don't eat it.
02:22 I keep looking at the turk.
02:24 But he doesn't answer.
02:29 "Make me a nice shawarma!"
02:31 And in between I start to ask for sauce.
02:33 "Can I have sauce?"
02:35 And then he asks me...
02:38 "Don't you want a bit?"
02:39 "Yes, I have to eat it, man."
02:41 And when he leaves...
02:42 "Do you know how to make shawarma in the world?"
02:46 "Do you know what I really like to do?"
02:48 "I walk through the city."
02:50 "I walk through the city."
02:52 "And I see a man walking."
02:54 "A really decent man."
02:56 "Civilized, nice, decent man."
02:58 "Decent suit."
02:59 "Nothing to do with me. Decent man."
03:01 "And I start to walk right behind him."
03:04 "But really right behind him."
03:06 "And I keep shouting in his neck..."
03:08 "Leave me alone, man!"
03:10 "Hey! Leave me alone!"
03:12 "Leave me alone!"
03:14 "Leave me alone!"
03:15 "Leave me alone, man!"
03:17 "Right behind him, in his house."
03:23 "And, well, I don't know where he lives."
03:25 "And, uh..."
03:26 "Five o'clock in the morning, I'm at his door."
03:28 "Ah! It's not open."
03:29 "Leave me alone, man!"
03:31 "You know what I really like to do?"
03:38 "First, uh..."
03:40 "First, call a babysitter."
03:42 "And then, hit a dead child on the head."
03:44 "Put it in the cradle."
03:48 "Then, he comes home in the evening."
03:50 "And, has he been a little quiet?"
03:52 "Yes, let's see."
03:55 "Yes, goddammit, man!"
04:01 "He's completely dead, man!"
04:03 "He's all blue."
04:05 "Looks like a smurf, man!"
04:06 "Let's see."
04:08 "Hey!"
04:10 "What do you think of that?"
04:12 "Oh, yeah, I love it."
04:14 "You can cry all you want."
04:15 "But you won't get that 13.50!"
04:17 "Hey!"
04:23 "You know what's also fun?"
04:24 "First, pull yourself back five times."
04:26 "And then, go to a whore."
04:28 "And tell her she doesn't understand the f*ck."
04:30 *crowd laughs*
04:32 (audience laughing)
04:35 (audience laughing)