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00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 21.
00:03 Harvey's friend says "Ride would make you throw up."
00:06 And somehow, Harvey says that's cool, which only matters enough to have me talk about it by making him look lame.
00:13 Jem snarks about how she hates Sabrina, and Sabrina uses magic to make her get hurt.
00:18 And Jem says she did it on purpose, without knowing she's a witch...somehow.
00:24 Sabrina can't open her locker and gets taunted.
00:28 Chloe wishes Sabrina and Jem would try to get along.
00:31 It's so forced and out of character.
00:34 I can tell with the messages.
00:37 Why is she putting the blame on Sabrina when she knows Jem's evil?
00:42 Jem eavesdrops on them and wants to ask Harvey out first,
00:47 so she pushes something into Sabrina and brags that her dad bought her that thing.
00:52 And this kind of thing is why I don't buy that she had strict parents.
00:57 Harvey says he'd love to go with Sabrina, and he sounds cheerful, but then says Jem already asked him.
01:02 There's no way that he'd say that if he was asked out already.
01:06 And why can't he just tell Jem the date's off?
01:09 Because he doesn't even like her.
01:12 He says he won't let Sabrina go with her because she and Jem don't get along.
01:16 Sabrina says she wishes she was a fully-fledged witch, so she can shapeshift Jem.
01:22 Even though she's shapeshifted herself.
01:25 And in a previous episode, she shapeshifted Jem into a mouse.
01:29 If you want me to take your show seriously, because you're preaching at me all the time,
01:35 at least have some continuity with the rules.
01:39 The forced-out-of-nowhere message repeats itself,
01:42 as somehow Zelda advises Sabrina to be Jem's friend.
01:47 Zelda says the Wright Brothers invented a plane to get away from Hilda and her broom.
01:53 Her aunts use magic against each other in silly ways, right after lecturing her not to use magic on a rival.
01:59 Sabrina levitates while venting to Salem, and he brings her the spell book.
02:05 And tells her that if she sprinkles stuff on Jem and herself, it's guaranteed to bring them closer together.
02:12 Why doesn't she just cast a spell to do that?
02:15 She can brainwash Quigley effortlessly just by pointing later.
02:20 Every single time she trusted a magical thing, it gave her a backfire.
02:24 So realistically, she'd give up.
02:26 She says she'd better test it out first.
02:29 At least that pretends that she's smart.
02:32 So she uses it on her aunts.
02:34 So they decide to go to the mall together.
02:36 And why don't you think this is good enough for testing it out?
02:39 When the problem with their magical artifacts in the show is that they take time to screw up.
02:46 Sabrina says that her thrift store is next to Jem's groomers.
02:50 Jem says she paid someone to write something for her for school right in front of the teacher.
02:56 So clearly, she'd get attention for this.
02:59 So she clearly doesn't have strict parents that would send her to boarding school to jump the hat then.
03:05 Because why would they want to protect her from the teachers?
03:09 She also calls Sabrina a loser in front of the teacher in a silent classroom.
03:14 It's just insulting to our intelligence and gives a bad message about a warped version of reality that Jem's a total karma Houdini because she's rich.
03:23 This show would have you believe that there aren't any rich philanthropists.
03:26 Somehow, the spell of Sabrina and Jem get stuck together.
03:32 Immediately.
03:33 When that didn't happen to Hilda and Zelda.
03:36 If the idea is they need to learn to get along to get unstuck.
03:42 Why did it even have any effect on Hilda and Zelda when they weren't getting along?
03:48 And somehow, Sabrina doesn't just point to instantly get herself unstuck.
03:53 I guess the logic is she can't do that.
03:56 She can't even warp because she's too stupid to just erase people's memories like little Sabrina did.
04:02 So she doesn't want to use magic in front of people.
04:05 And she can't just zap up an antidote to this because it's a magical potion ingredient.
04:11 Even though magic can find and summon anything you want without you knowing about what exactly it's made of chemically.
04:19 Sabrina gets forced to hold Jem's essay that worships her.
04:23 Sabrina also covers the two of them in soot with the chemistry screw-up.
04:28 I hate that this episode is ripping off an episode of the sitcom where Sabrina was forced to stay close to Libby.
04:34 It's not even like it gets reviewed that too as a result because it doesn't have the same scenes later on.
04:41 Jem says she hates corn dogs and wants cotton candy.
04:44 At least it tries to give the two of them more character... barely.
04:48 The Sonic characters usually don't even get that.
04:51 Chloe wins a bunch of stuffed animals at a carnival.
04:55 And Sabrina gets her face covered in cotton candy.
04:58 Jem and Sabrina both hate the ride that she had with Harvey.
05:01 And Harvey's why they keep taking the ride.
05:03 By the way, in a later episode, Sabrina's constantly going on amusement park rides.
05:09 So I actually hate this.
05:11 It turns out he forced them to go on the ride with them six times.
05:15 And there's no excuse for that.
05:17 He doesn't have anything to gain in forcing them to go on it with him.
05:22 He also wouldn't believe Jem when she says she loves the ride.
05:25 Because she obviously hated it and her tone barely tried to sell it.
05:30 These idiots deserve what they get because they aren't smart enough to just run away.
05:34 At least this is hopefully the show telling us that like in the 70s comic,
05:38 we're not supposed to ship Harvey with Sabrina because he sucks.
05:42 The 70s comic did it better though.
05:45 It was more entertaining than it was clumsy and Hilda's house.
05:48 Jem wants to come up with an excuse to get away from Harvey.
05:52 So she says corn dog.
05:53 And at least Harvey says he thought she hated those.
05:57 Why does he say that she might miss the ride?
06:00 Like he somehow doesn't know they're miserable.
06:02 How is everyone oblivious to the emotions of others in this show?
06:06 What are the odds?
06:08 Chloe hopes the girls are having as much fun as they are.
06:11 Jem gets encouraged to try a corn dog with mustard.
06:16 And Sabrina says that wasn't bad.
06:19 I disagree.
06:20 They go on a boat ride where creepy animatronic elves sing.
06:25 Sabrina's naturally annoyed by their singing.
06:28 And Jem uncharacteristically loves this place.
06:31 This would only make sense if she didn't love it and was just trying to torture Sabrina on purpose.
06:37 It's not like her to actually want to enjoy something sickeningly sweet.
06:41 Because she's evil.
06:43 Sabrina calls Salem because the substance is getting harder.
06:47 And he wipes away a forced stain on the bunk.
06:50 And somehow reveals that the spell could become permanent.
06:53 There's no reason that could be possible.
06:56 The spell could become permanent if not reversed in 8 hours.
07:00 The Witch's Council would get tons of complaints about this vindictive part of the spell
07:04 that it'd only be the case if billions of witches cast the spell to make that the case for magic in general.
07:10 Why isn't it explained that she can't use magic at all?
07:13 She could warp away.
07:15 Why didn't they wipe away the stain on the book earlier?
07:19 Jem breaks Sabrina's phone.
07:21 And Sabrina warns her about the stakes and says that her uncle has solvent to get the substance off.
07:27 The story gets repetitive.
07:30 They end up having to wait for a ferry for 20 minutes.
07:34 Salem says he can't find the antidote.
07:37 And tells Zant the problem.
07:39 Instead of warping the antidote to him since he's more experienced than her.
07:43 Jem feels jealous of the elf animatronic.
07:46 And reveals indirectly that her parents expect her to dress for success and be popular.
07:51 Since when?
07:52 Sabrina has an idea to push a log into the water for a raft.
07:56 But then it sinks.
07:57 I wish I knew if that was realistic.
07:59 We see logs go down rivers in the media all the time.
08:03 Then she uses a bunch of animatronics and sends a raft.
08:06 So the metal things float.
08:08 But not a log.
08:10 Somehow they get threatened by a shark in the water.
08:14 And they get off the raft and high five when the shark goes after something other than living creatures somehow.
08:19 Why would the shark try to eat them if they don't have open cuts and isn't starving?
08:24 If it's an animatronic shark, it definitely wouldn't try to eat them.
08:28 They go into the green goop in the bathtub eventually to get separated.
08:33 They take too long to celebrate that they're free.
08:35 When they would have known it instantly.
08:38 Zelda hammers the message into her head that they learned that working together can benefit them.
08:43 I hope that's the message and not "You should be friends with someone who abuses you."
08:49 Jem admits that she liked eating a corndog with mustard.
08:52 I still hate her, so the episode fails.
08:56 Zelda says they made a good start to friendship.
09:00 Why are these ants okay with the idea of her being friends with a bitch?
09:04 It turns out the goop isn't what freed them.
09:07 And instead the only reason they were separated was that they learned to cooperate.
09:11 But this is very stupid then because they clearly learned to cooperate with each other as soon as Jem agrees to push a log into the water with her.
09:18 And there's no way they'd be an antidote at all if the antidote never did anything.
09:23 The episode is obviously all a waste of time because Jem and her are always gonna hate each other as much as they did before.
09:31 It could have had a point by marking an end to Jem being mean to Sabrina forever.
09:36 This episode could have done a lot more to give Jem some likable moments and develop her character.
09:41 But instead it had her be annoying for most of the time she was on screen as usual.
09:45 Which ruined the episode.
09:47 And it was already bad enough that it's a ripoff of an episode of the sitcom.
09:50 That did an inferior job because in the sitcom we actually had Sabrina meet Libby's mother.
09:56 Here Jem just implies that her parents might be bad and it's such a cliche excuse for personality that's so evil anyways that I don't care.
10:03 And it's a plot no excuse for even happening.
10:05 I understand the reason for the creator of the group making it like this if he thinks brainwashing is always evil because he'd rather make the two people actually closer together.
10:15 But not only is there no guarantee it would get people closer as friends,
10:18 but there's no way the group would even be in this house if there somehow any chance of it being there permanently.
10:23 The Witch's Council would get so many complaints about the scoop that they'd do something about it.
10:27 Sabrina Animated Series, Episode 22
10:32 It starts off with an annoying male voice taunting Sabrina as she's riding a bike in a race.
10:39 Eventually Harvey falls over a fence and the bully wins and somehow expects people to cheer for him when he'd know he didn't deserve to win.
10:49 Harvey says it's his bike's fault that he lost.
10:53 At least it was the bike's fault and not the bully's.
10:56 Harvey plans to quit at the bike shop and then he changes his mind just because he sees another bike.
11:03 Sabrina's incompatible with him again saying it's just a bike.
11:07 Why does he waste time thanking her?
11:10 Jem wants Harvey to go with her and Sabrina Passive aggressively says that if he'd rather ride a bike than see a movie with her and he happily says she means that and rides away from her.
11:21 How's he this stupid?
11:23 It turns out Hilda used to be sick of Ben Franklin paying too much attention to his inventions instead of her.
11:29 So she kept him from doing them for a bit and it didn't do good.
11:32 A lot gets zapped up and Sabrina gets told she can't buy friendships.
11:37 Totally forgetting that he is her friend.
11:41 Zelda says Harvey's a friend so he'll come back and Hilda mocks her cheesy dialogue.
11:48 Even though they're usually on the same side in these situations.
11:51 So they waste time shapeshifting each other.
11:53 You'd think they'd have started wearing amulets to become immune to magic.
11:58 Salem encourages her to use the spooky jar.
12:01 He's just slimy because he's clearly a bad influence on her and he should have learned that this always backfires on her and so even if he wanted her to be like him, she'd only be taught not to every time.
12:13 This show has ruined Salem for me.
12:16 His appeal was supposed to be that he's like a normal cat.
12:19 And Sabrina has no excuse for continuing to trust him.
12:23 Especially when she doesn't need to get what she wants.
12:26 A character can only keep making mistakes so many times before she loses the audience's sympathy when she doesn't.
12:32 If your show needs an idiot protagonist that had most of its episodes, it didn't deserve to be aired.
12:38 Sabrina uses a magic bike pump and there's words on it saying "Do not feel past this point."
12:44 Then not only would she have paid attention the whole time and avoided this plot, but the person who made it wouldn't have made it possible to do that unless he was just making it available to people in the hopes that it would backfire on everyone.
12:57 But that needed to be explained.
13:00 Eventually, Sabrina brags to Harvey that she got him a custom bike to enjoy.
13:05 She should have zapped up a cool bike herself because then she'd have no chance of failure.
13:11 The bully asks him where he got that bike and I assume he only calls it junk out of jealousy.
13:16 He's called Slugloaf and takes offense, asking what he called him only to get reminded that he called him by his name.
13:22 This is so confusing.
13:24 Why would he keep letting people call him a nickname he's tired of and somehow forgot about?
13:28 If it literally is his name, his reaction makes even less sense.
13:33 Sabrina says they should settle this in a bike race rematch.
13:37 The scene drags out.
13:40 There's no reason nobody would be able to hear the bike laughing evilly.
13:44 I have to assume no one can ever see the green swirls in his eyes as he's obsessed with winning.
13:50 And now I've lost interest in this plot.
13:52 You don't need to spend any more time than that on this plot point and you'd have to be sadistic against Sabrina's enjoyment.
13:59 Sabrina falls into the mud.
14:01 At least this plot caused them to tell Jem he doesn't want to ride her bike.
14:05 But you know the curse of the bike is aggravating when it caused me to just skip through the episode bored.
14:10 After all, it's obvious there aren't any forced riding instances I'm missing.
14:15 At times in an episode like this, it's clear that only one boring thing's gonna happen the whole scene.
14:21 Salem reads ahead in the magic book and finds out that go figure, the spell is about the bike forcing mortals to compete until they drop.
14:30 I know Salem and Sabrina are impulsive idiots, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not forced as hell that they never read the entire section in the magic book before using the magical artifacts for the episode.
14:42 Literally anybody would do that every time.
14:45 Sabrina eventually sneaks around at night to go after the magic bike and the bike talks to her in a scary voice.
14:51 I hate this scene because I'm just wondering why Sabrina isn't using magic on it instantly.
14:57 Every time she just stands there scared in the show, I hate it with a burning passion for how little it respects the character.
15:03 I have to assume the bike is immune to magic, and again that'd only be if the person who invented the spell for the bike is evil.
15:12 The creator of this bike spell is outright murderous.
15:15 Harvey eventually goes to the garage and somehow instantly assumes that Sabrina is the one in the garage even though she's disguised.
15:24 I hate that he asks her what she's doing to his bike and is mad.
15:28 The story didn't need to have Harvey see her.
15:31 It's all to tell Sabrina the cheesy way to break the spell.
15:34 It makes sense if every instance of this had the ants lying so that Sabrina could learn a lesson, and instead the spell could actually be broken by a single point.
15:44 In every other continuity, Sabrina doesn't need to learn lessons on morality because she's a goody two shoes.
15:50 And they didn't have Quigley in it. I really think that Quigley's why she's not so nice.
15:56 There's no reason that someone evil enough to make a curse artifact would also make it so that the curse can be broken.
16:02 Let alone by something as sappy and easy as Sabrina biking after Harvey and reminding him that they're friends.
16:09 The writing is so sadistic he writes an old man to feel humiliated and a random woman to have pie thrown at her face by the wind of a race.
16:18 And she breaks up with someone for it. If you want to write sadism, have Jem be the one suffering.
16:25 The thing tying Sabrina's bike to Harvey breaks and she crashes.
16:30 I don't know why she doesn't just freeze time to have all the time in the world to get up and catch up with Harvey.
16:35 She could also give her bike super speed. She gave a person super speed in a 70s comic.
16:41 Instead the episode drags out an inherently boring race where all that happens is that the bikes are going head.
16:48 Sabrina eventually lets go with a sparkling ribbon and she holds on to it when she's about to fall to her death inexplicably.
16:55 How is she even remotely scared? She knows she can teleport.
16:59 She says she's losing her grip and somehow Salem tells her to cast a spell instead of casting one himself.
17:05 And she somehow says she can't think of one.
17:09 After all of her experience of possibly using magic.
17:13 It'd be a bit better if she said she knows Harvey will save her and the spell will break because of it.
17:18 And that even if he doesn't go save her, she can always use magic to float out of the pit or something later.
17:24 This whole show is like if Tails was constantly too stupid to remember how to fly.
17:29 The bike falls and he grabs and pulls her up.
17:32 He asks her twice what happened to the bike. What do you know it fell?
17:38 I have to assume that part of the curse on the bike is that it makes the person who biked forget their evil behavior.
17:44 But why?
17:45 Sabrina offers her bike to Harvey and he wins.
17:49 And the bully cries.
17:51 The show gained nothing by having a stereotypical bully character.
17:55 I get a feeling they need to have a jerk for Harvey to prove himself against.
17:59 But it gained nothing by making him as over the top unlikable as possible in personality and appearance.
18:05 When it's more likely that he'd look and sound normal.
18:08 It hurts the immersion to have stereotypical bullies in this series when Sabrina knew better before.
18:14 This episode is about Harvey getting given a magic bike to buy his friendship back.
18:20 Because he preferred biking with a cool bike over hanging out with Sabrina.
18:24 And the entire episode punishes her for giving it to her friend.
18:29 Being despicable to watch because the bike arbitrarily turned out to brainwash him into being a competitive asshole even to her.
18:36 The concept of someone trying to buy someone's friendship doesn't make him or her evil.
18:41 So this won't teach the audience anything.
18:44 This lesson should have been taught with the new character Sabrina was trying to befriend instead of making Harvey look bad.
18:50 The lesson was meant to be about not buying friendship.
18:53 But because he's already her friend, her plan didn't deserve an episode about demonizing it to us.
18:59 As it would have worked out if she simply created a cool bike for him.
19:02 Which she would have done.
19:04 Besides, I'm sure Zelda wouldn't have told her not to get him a gift.
19:08 If it was his birthday.
19:10 Sabrina should have been taught a lesson that just because a friend wants to do his own thing one time doesn't mean he won't hang out with her most of the time.
19:17 There's no way the plot would happen if it could be prevented by Sabrina reading the entire section on them the magic book.
19:25 She's even established to be more cautious than Selah because she always says "I don't know" and stuff in response to him.
19:31 And she would have paid attention when using the magic pump.
19:35 I guess I'm still having the spell book though because Sabrina's gonna use magic anyways.
19:41 So they need to keep it around to have a way to undo her spells.