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00:00 Sabrina The Animated Series, Episode 25.
00:03 I love seeing Zelda use magic to make the household appliances do housework themselves.
00:09 She scares Salem and says the Witch's Council is planning to do a surprise checkup on her.
00:14 Why does she know about it if it's a surprise?
00:17 I assume she heard it from someone outside of the social group we usually see in the show.
00:23 But there's no indication they have any friends in the first place.
00:28 Zelda shouldn't need to explain to Salem that Enchantress is her parole officer
00:33 and that she somehow hopes she'll get her and Hilda out of their teenage bodies if they think they learned their lessons.
00:40 How the hell is this supposed to be a punishment?
00:42 Anybody would want to be youthful again, and nothing about this would make them learn to only use magic for good.
00:48 Living together just keeps encouraging them to abuse magic because they do it on each other.
00:54 So logically they should have been sentenced to staying away from each other as the punishment.
00:58 Having a teenage brain makes you more likely to make mistakes and be overly emotional,
01:05 so it's just giving them a handicap make it harder for them to stop abusing magic.
01:10 Like, why not turn them into old people?
01:13 And it's so unclear that it's a punishment that we didn't even know was the case until it was explained.
01:19 There's also a flashback that has to do with one of the ants.
01:23 But it doesn't have any lasting impact on my memory anyways.
01:27 Plus, I was too busy focusing on typing about how I felt about the ants' supposed curse.
01:33 Still, I always liked when they established their past.
01:36 It would make better stories than Sabrina's stories.
01:40 Why should I care about the plot's conflict when we all know the ants are always gonna stay in their designs?
01:46 You know, it doesn't even have to be that way.
01:49 The story wastes my time with Sabrina at a school play rehearsal.
01:53 The director sure takes his time telling the students that they're getting their roles.
01:57 The director talks in a bad impression of Christopher Walken.
02:01 It's unfunny and lame.
02:03 This is what you have to resort to to make this entertaining, don't even have the scene.
02:08 Eventually, magic gets used to clean the house again.
02:12 And Zelda asks Sabrina what's wrong right away and puts her hand on Sabrina's head when she sits down sadly.
02:18 Usually, she isn't immediately sensitive to her.
02:21 Sabrina angst is that she doesn't know about love.
02:25 But she loves Harvey.
02:26 Then Hilda derails things by arguing with Zelda that she isn't one to give her advice.
02:32 And one makes a bet with the other regarding romance.
02:35 Zelda abuses magic on Salem and says she's never gonna find a hunkier date than Hilda.
02:43 She says that she loves the look of the Romeo on Sabrina's bunk.
02:47 She says if she walks into the homecoming dance with him, she'd win the bet.
02:52 Sabrina says that it'd be cheating for a bet, but immediately gets talked into it because she's told it'll spike Jem.
02:59 They hug and jump, and predictably, Zelda creates a person who speaks poetically to worship Zelda.
03:06 Logically, why wouldn't she just point to create him when every time the potion ingredients for a magical artifact are used in the show, it backfires?
03:15 Hilda says Romeo can say it because she thinks he's in love with her now.
03:19 Then he acts like he loves Zelda.
03:21 I hate his melodramatic way of acting.
03:24 He says the beer is poison and drinks it and falls over.
03:28 Sabrina asks him about love, and Romeo holds hands with Hilda and flatters her.
03:33 Magic is used to summon food that looks normal, so why does Zelda know it's witch slop?
03:38 Zelda summons some magic vacuums to impress Romeo, even though obviously he'd be scared of modern technology.
03:45 Not to mention witches, but I assume him not being scared of witches is how he was created.
03:52 Somehow Sabrina thinks the wind from the window is from the vacuum and says it's a powerful engine.
03:57 Instead it's someone from the Witch's Council making a dramatic entrance.
04:01 And I'm disappointed to see Enchantress's botched design.
04:05 Why the fucking hell doesn't she look like she did in the 90s comic?
04:09 I may have criticized her silly upright hairdo there, but this is worse.
04:14 Her face is masculine and I hate the blue highlights on her hair.
04:19 Enchantress talks their ears off and Salem gets abused before she warps away.
04:24 Obviously their magic use would be constantly monitored, as it's the only way to keep total chaos from breaking out from every witch having powers.
04:32 How would Salem even get caught and turned into a cat if they don't spy on witches?
04:38 Criminal witches would definitely still be spied on.
04:41 It's forced that the spell can't be undone until full moon.
04:45 Just to force a plot where Romeo and Sabrina's aunts have to go to high school.
04:49 Sabrina doesn't go to high school in this show, and there's never any indication that her aunts went to high school on a daily basis.
04:57 Romeo's behavior is so forced and lame in the basketball court.
05:02 I don't know why he's reciting poetry there.
05:04 It's a miracle we don't see him get beat up by guys.
05:07 For once the writer isn't sadistic in this show.
05:10 But I have to assume that the principal was brainwashed into saying that she doesn't need to see his papers to not question why he's getting enrolled in school when he doesn't have any parents and just got born.
05:22 Enchantress sees Romeo, who flatters her poetically.
05:26 There's no way she would instantly figure out what he is based on the way he's talking like an ancient person.
05:32 I guess she assumes he's a warlock and that's why, but witches don't constantly talk like ancient people.
05:38 She doesn't.
05:39 She plans to go out for dinner with him.
05:41 But I thought he was made to be in love with her at first because why else would she bother making him when it's so obvious he might just reject her anyways.
05:53 I guess she was really desperate to think he would say yes.
05:57 Even though it was so likely that he would think of her as his mother because she created him.
06:02 Somehow that isn't addressed.
06:05 So that should be why Enchantress would be against her making Romeo to date her.
06:10 I guess the ants think that Enchantress immunes magic so they can't make her forget Romeo and then warp him away.
06:16 Maybe Enchantress is always being monitored so that people can punish anyone who uses magic on her.
06:22 Why would only she have that advantage?
06:24 Sabrina's family is spying on their date to try to keep Enchantress from finding out what Romeo is.
06:30 So Hilda uses magic to bring all of the crabs to life and make them jump and dance around.
06:36 I hate that the crabs sing for a billion years.
06:38 It's padding and their voices are annoying.
06:41 I like that Enchantress gets sprayed in the face though, but only because I hate her in the comic.
06:47 She uses magic to reveal them and Zelda tells her the truth and she gets humiliated at dating a fictional character.
06:53 It's too bad she has such pride that she thinks it's bad and zaps him to death.
06:58 It doesn't matter what his origin is.
07:01 She says they'll spend 500 years as teenagers.
07:04 Boo hoo.
07:06 Again, she should be written to say "Which means nobody's gonna marry you."
07:10 Zelda conveniently gets allowed to say one more thing.
07:13 She tells her this was all her fault and she should serve both their punishments.
07:18 It comes out of nowhere that she's that good that she's self-sacrificial.
07:23 When she's like that in the sitcom, not in the show.
07:26 It's so predictable that Zelda's gonna get rewarded for her nobility.
07:30 Enchantress gives them three more years probation and says they have to dress up like penguins.
07:35 But she has no idea if Hilda was even doing any magic here.
07:40 So she doesn't have any reason to punish Hilda.
07:43 It's believable for her to be petty enough to want to punish them for embarrassing her.
07:47 Sabrina gets scared on the plate for a bit.
07:50 Before making a speech about love being self-sacrificial.
07:53 But that's a toxic message though because you shouldn't be self-sacrificial for someone who doesn't deserve it.
07:59 And most of the time Hilda's a shitty sister who abuses magic on Zelda at the slightest excuse.
08:05 Let's mention the lesson she learned was about sisterly love, not romantic love.
08:11 It's hard for me to know how I feel about this episode.
08:15 In this episode, Zelda and Hilda have a bet over who would get the best looking date.
08:19 Because Zelda wanted to teach Sabrina how to make a speech about love in a plane.
08:23 The conflict of the episode is that the horribly drawn head witch is somehow gonna be mad at the ants.
08:29 Because one created Romeo to get the best looking date to win a bet.
08:34 The conflict of the episode where they don't want Enchantra to find out Romeo is fictional is just not real conflict.
08:40 Because we have no reason to want the ants to get old again faster.
08:44 And are just confused that they aren't glad they're youthful.
08:48 At least the conflict of the story being too weak keeps the story from being super frustrating though.
08:53 I hated Enchantra both from her behavior in the comics and her looking horrible in the show.
08:58 So I didn't mind the concept of them trying to ruin her date.
09:02 But the only good scene valuable to the plot was ruined.
09:05 Because their only suffering was being sprayed in the face after crabs sang for a trillion years.
09:11 How do you screw that up?
09:13 You're supposed to have a big variety of things happen in the scenes to make it interesting.
09:18 It feels like the episode was just worthless padding until the restaurant scene.
09:23 Because that's the only part of it that had a real plot.
09:26 Romeo's existence is just there to force Zelda to unfairly win a bet and it upsets Hilda.
09:32 So it still demonizes magic.
09:35 And the only episodes that are really worth watching are ones where magic gets to be used for good.
09:40 Because you can watch any series to see magic be demonized.
09:44 It's just not very good for a Sabrina episode when I can only recommend tiny tidbits of it.
09:50 Sabrina the Animated Series Episode 26
09:55 I doubt there'd actually be cafeteria meat called "Mystery Meat".
09:59 Sabrina reassures Harvey who says he's got an appointment to get vaccinated.
10:04 Why is Harvey's friend telling him that someone's arm swelled up because of a needle?
10:08 Why is he trying to scare his friend?
10:11 Sabrina reassures Harvey that getting a shot is a good thing.
10:15 So this episode aged well actually.
10:18 Sabrina says she walked Harvey to the clinic.
10:20 Making me think I'd rather see her do good things than mention it.
10:24 And the levitating lemonade jug pours lemonade.
10:27 Salem's buried in lemons because we can't even have that not be demonized.
10:33 And Hilda says the family's overdue for a booster shot.
10:37 Sabrina's scared of the idea of getting a booster shot.
10:40 It makes no sense that she lectured Harvey that there's no reason to be scared of getting a needle if she's also scared of them.
10:47 The goody two-shoes Sabrina I know and love would've told him she's scared of needles too.
10:52 To make him stop feeling alone.
10:56 Her family takes her to the shower and turning a knob warps them away.
11:00 I'm so glad it reminds me of the closet from the other realm.
11:03 Why wasn't this used a lot more often?
11:06 Why did the artist want to make the people in the waiting room look this ugly?
11:10 The episode starts draking out with nothing happening.
11:14 Sabrina remembers how scared Harvey's friend tried to make Harvey to get a shot.
11:19 Why did we see that scene if we were just gonna get reminded of it later?
11:25 It's always been predictable that she might end up wussing out of getting a shot.
11:29 Even though her family are witches who would just warp her to them instantly.
11:33 It should've been explained that they were out of magic.
11:36 But go figure, she takes off anyways.
11:38 Because she somehow convinced herself that something horrible would happen to Salem from the shot.
11:43 To be fair, magic always backfires in this show.
11:46 But there's no way a vaccine would be given out if it had horrible consequences like making Salem hollow.
11:53 So she wasn't using common sense at all.
11:56 It turns out there's something on Sabrina's chair that's contagious to anyone not vaccinated.
12:00 But doesn't that mean her getting vaccinated would've been pointless because she was already infected by the time she ran away?
12:07 Vaccines aren't cures too.
12:09 I can believe a vaccine that's magical being a cure as well.
12:15 It's just weird to use something like that as an allegory for an actual vaccine then.
12:19 Sabrina uses magic and quickly doesn't bitch at her this time.
12:24 Somehow Zelda asks Sabrina why she disappeared from the waiting room.
12:28 It needs to be explained why they didn't instantly warp her to the waiting room.
12:33 Zelda says they need to get her another appointment.
12:36 Hilda says they can't because it's an HMO. One visit a year.
12:40 Huh? How screwed would people be in 2020 if missing a vaccination means that they weren't able to get one all year?
12:48 That can't be realistic.
12:50 The witches in charge of vaccinating could make copies of themselves to get it all done faster, so it wouldn't matter how busy they are.
12:58 They could zap up as many copies of the doctor's office as they want.
13:02 Zelda says the doctor will come to them just because he used to make house calls during the Black Plague.
13:08 He wouldn't do a house call.
13:10 Sabrina tries to rationalize the way that she doesn't need a shot because she can only get witchitis from other witches and they're the only ones she's around.
13:18 Somehow they don't explain that they have social lives.
13:22 Magic viruses would only exist if witches made them out of spite like computer viruses.
13:27 Why can't witches teleport the vaccines into people?
13:31 There's no reason a needle would be required.
13:33 Hilda asks her if she's afraid of shots.
13:36 What took so long?
13:37 Zelda says she'll make more lemonade.
13:40 Hilda reassures Sabrina that they all got their shots and left.
13:44 There's no reason the doctor would arrive through the chimney instead of warping to them.
13:48 How does he assume quickly as Sabrina?
13:52 Obviously, if that was her problem, they would've warned him about that.
13:58 Why would you have the doctor in charge of giving someone a shot be portrayed as a quack in a pro-vaccine episode?
14:06 I get that it's just a joke and they didn't think it through, but that's bad.
14:11 He says he's in terrible shape and somehow the family just stands there and lets him bother him.
14:16 But it makes sense that they'd want to get back at him.
14:19 His foot gets hurt by the unrealistic quack who says quickly has a skin condition.
14:25 He somehow has a bottle with the vaccine in it and says they need the needle instead of the potion already being in the needle.
14:33 There's no reason that after Sabrina excused herself, nobody in her family would follow her and insist on holding her arm the whole time.
14:41 She shrinks and hides and somehow her family looks for the mortal way like idiots instead of just warping her to them.
14:48 It's almost like Sabrina isn't supposed to last entire episodes because it's based on short comics.
14:54 Even if they were out of magic, they would still use potion ingredients and magical artifacts to warp her to them.
15:01 There's no reason Sabrina would have evaded the shot so long that the doctor would have left.
15:07 I assume he left because he had a very busy schedule.
15:10 She says that her tongue turned green and somehow she doesn't point to turn it back to normal.
15:16 So she coughs and causes harmful magic a bunch of times.
15:20 I like that Jem gets flashed from it.
15:23 But again, I wish it was explained that the reason these magic effects happen when she wasn't visualizing them is that an AI is randomly picking what to make happen because it's like a computer virus that infected the computer causing her magic.
15:38 The episode's trying to be interesting because who knows what could happen next.
15:42 But I'm still apathetic to it because it's just a ripoff of the episode "Hiccups" and two other times where Sabrina had the hex cups.
15:50 And the 7th episode "Hiccups" was just dedicated to that. It was a lot faster paced.
15:56 It's not even explained why her magic didn't cause everyone to find out about magic. Instead, they forget about what happened.
16:03 What would the person evil enough to make witch-itis also make it so that it makes people forget or be unaware of any magic that happens?
16:11 Salem spends a bunch of time talking to Sabrina instead of just using magic on her to make her unable to keep coughing.
16:18 I assume transformed witches can't shape-shift people in any sort of way.
16:22 His solution predictably fails, but the perfume he gives her seems to make her feel better.
16:28 She shows some affection, and Sabrina starts overheating at the picnic.
16:33 I can't understand why her aunt left her without supervision ever since she started hiding from the doctor.
16:39 Quigley's supposed to be strength. But I understand them not warping the doctor to them because he could be in the bathroom at the time.
16:48 The picnickers get attacked by monsters thanks to the witch-itis.
16:54 Somehow Harvey's friend just thinks the monster is cool instead of being scared it'll hurt him just because he likes aliens.
17:02 Sure is convenient that this is before every kid had a cell phone with a camera in it.
17:07 She goes to the doctor's office and says it's an emergency.
17:11 Nobody stops her from approaching the doctor with magic when he's busy with a patient.
17:15 Why didn't he get rid of the suit on himself with magic right away? He'd be in pain.
17:21 The episode wastes time with the monsters scaring the mortals, but at least Jem's scared too.
17:26 The doctor says the monsters would only disappear when Sabrina gets the shot.
17:31 Because it conveniently forces her to use magic to undo everything that happened.
17:37 She says it didn't even hurt, and then says maybe just a little, which I know isn't true.
17:43 Why wasn't she told from the start that apparently the shot was magically enchanted so that it would barely hurt?
17:49 At that point, why does it even hurt at all?
17:52 Realistically, Harvey's friend asks her how she's gonna explain all of this.
17:57 Thankfully, the doctor used some magical artifacts to make the kids forget the magic they witnessed.
18:02 Even though they'd still be suspicious of the trees being damaged all of a sudden. So it should've healed them too.
18:08 The Sabrina I know would've made them forget about the magical stuff herself.
18:14 Sabrina again lies to the audience that shots barely hurt trying to trick us.
18:20 Although that's a white lie that's worth it.
18:23 Except it's not gonna fool anybody who's actually had a needle before.
18:26 So what is this, for four year olds?
18:29 And she gets handed a list and says her allowance is gonna get spent on it.
18:33 She was already punished by the events of the episode.
18:37 This episode was about Sabrina being too scared of needles to get a shot for a witch fever that causes magic to happen in a ripoff of the magic hiccups.
18:46 To be more interesting than a boring illness.
18:49 I wish it was explained why witchitis exists to keep the story from feeling arbitrary.
18:54 Because it only exists if it was made by witches out of spite.
18:57 The consequences of witchitis were visually interesting.
19:01 And the message was good enough to make me wonder if it's a good episode for once.
19:04 But it was forced that witches want to warp the shot into people.
19:08 And it was distracting that it had no excuse for dragging on as long as it did.
19:13 Because her family is magical enough to warp her to them and grab her hands the instant she disappears.
19:19 She should've expected that and stayed put.
19:22 And it's another episode making magic look like a bad thing.