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00:00 Sabrina The Animated Series, Episode 29.
00:03 Sabrina says it took her forever to make Salem's birthday gift.
00:08 Again, he's unsympathetic, this time freaking her out, since she doesn't want him to find the gift early.
00:14 So he asks her what she's doing.
00:16 Then he obnoxiously begs her to give him a hint about what his gift is.
00:21 She magically slams the door on him.
00:24 The furniture gets made to move as the aunt sarcastically cheers Salem's name.
00:30 Meanwhile, they're busy watching a soap opera about amnesia and heartbreak.
00:34 Both of that happened in Sonic Comics.
00:37 This episode's been boring.
00:40 Eventually, the TV gets unplugged because Salem wants to know what his gift is.
00:45 Magic is used to float him and put him down.
00:48 He hopes he didn't get his present from Cousin Ambrose.
00:52 Why isn't he in the show instead of Quigley, then?
00:56 The whole point of Quigley is supposed to be that he's the adult raising them.
01:00 I didn't know he was canon to this series.
01:02 Of course, he doesn't have a unique character from the aunt, but it's better than Quigley.
01:07 Predictably, Sabrina thinks Salem will hate her gift because he just expects big, impressive gifts.
01:15 And doesn't appreciate the sweater's gift to him.
01:17 Why is it a pink sweater?
01:19 Was the person intentionally trying to give him a bad gift?
01:23 Why does Chloe say that because Sabrina's a kid, she can't give Salem an extravagant gift?
01:29 She knows she can create anything she wants.
01:32 Chloe shows her a time machine novel because they're at school, so Sabrina gets an idea.
01:37 Sabrina tries to get Salem's dress book.
01:40 Why are there talking mice in the mortal realm?
01:43 I assume Salem made them like this.
01:46 But why?
01:47 That'd make him feel guilty about trying to eat them.
01:49 He's not a red killer of sentient beings.
01:52 Sabrina gets talked to by something she's holding and throws him sociopathically.
01:57 She finds a box and assumes that it's a spell to travel back in time.
02:02 She wants to get Salem's old friends to wish him a happy birthday.
02:06 Chloe says this is dangerous, instead of being fun by egging her on to use magic.
02:12 Somehow, for the person to get home, she needs to have the magic compass.
02:17 Make me wonder if she'll lose it.
02:19 When realistically, she'd be able to point instead.
02:23 Why would that condition be the case?
02:25 The witch's council wouldn't approve of that.
02:28 And if Chloe's worried for her, why does she insist on coming with her?
02:32 Harvey goes into the attic and takes too long to scream at the magical tornado.
02:37 And they see someone wanting to run in fear, and they start running away from angry tennis players.
02:43 Harvey's presence justifies Sabrina not using magic against them.
02:47 Except there's no excuse for Sabrina not warping Harvey back to the attic.
02:52 Sabrina finds Amelia Earhart on an island.
02:55 She died there in real life because she crashed.
02:58 At least here, I can assume she used a magical artifact to save herself because of a friendship with Salem.
03:04 She asks what the favor she needs is, even though they're still being chased.
03:08 So she's sweet.
03:10 Why do the people who chase them start behaving?
03:13 Sabrina videotapes them, and when she says "Salem",
03:16 Amelia says Salem said that he'd take her around the world.
03:20 But he's the reason she's stuck on this island, for an unintelligible reason.
03:24 It was the map to the star's homes.
03:27 Why did she say Salem's name again when she was told she never wanted to hear the name again?
03:33 Sabrina wouldn't say that she really doesn't want to say "Happy Birthday" on tape for him, because no duh.
03:39 Salem would've just warped Amelia off the island a long time ago.
03:43 This makes him inexcusably evil, because she used to like him.
03:49 And she wouldn't still be in his address book if he didn't like her.
03:52 And sure, he wouldn't want her to go bother him.
03:55 I assume that he wanted to keep conserving magic, not waste it by warping her away from him
04:00 every time she went to get back at him because she wasn't on the island.
04:04 But it could've erased her memory of what he did to her.
04:07 Sabrina says that she read that George having wooden teeth isn't true.
04:12 That's true.
04:14 He says his teeth are wooden because Salem's accident from tripping broke its teeth.
04:19 It's so horrible that a show meant to educate kids goes out of its way to mention the truth,
04:25 just to insist that the common urban legend is true.
04:29 Meanwhile, Harvey's always assumed that he was having a nightmare, and spent the whole boat ride seasick.
04:35 Still waiting for him to do something interesting.
04:38 Sabrina and her friends get warped to his ship.
04:41 She says that a guy having three stars by his name has to mean that he's good friends with Salem.
04:46 And this really looks like it means he hates them more than the others.
04:51 Why would Salem keep all these people in his address book if he know they hate him by now?
04:56 How did he not know that he did things to make them hate him?
05:01 This plot may be constantly interesting.
05:03 And satisfying to constantly see people say they hate Salem.
05:07 So I think it's good.
05:09 But it would've never happened.
05:11 Unless his address book was just meant to be his book of enemies that he's gladly outlived.
05:16 And it's not like Salem to be that spiteful.
05:18 And I shouldn't need to say this, but if George was upset about losing his teeth, Salem would've zapped up new teeth for him.
05:26 Chloe says it was bad for Sabrina to mention Salem's name.
05:30 It's not like they have a choice.
05:32 They don't know any other friends of theirs that they agreed to say happy birthday for.
05:39 The pirate rants that because of Salem, his sword was taken.
05:42 He takes her compass, and she cries and says she just wanted to give Salem a good present.
05:48 Predictably, somehow the evil pirate pities her and says that it's the thought that counts.
05:53 She tries to get the compass from him.
05:55 And somehow the good in him he showed means nothing because he says he wants his sword back instead of giving her back the compass.
06:03 And he orders her friends to be put in the brink.
06:05 And has Sabrina get threatened by sharks and follow him.
06:09 Chloe says Harvey had better save Sabrina.
06:11 Wouldn't she want to be the one saving Sabrina?
06:14 It's like she assumes he's more reliable just because he's a guy.
06:17 That won't happen because it's not the 50s.
06:21 And he's an idiot.
06:22 The pirate somehow says to the compass that it's lies.
06:26 Somehow Sabrina says she can't get his sword back because somehow her magic doesn't work like that.
06:32 She can summon anything!
06:34 It'd seem believable if she said she doesn't know what his sword looks like.
06:39 But then he'd just describe it to her!
06:41 And I guess he used the long thing to get the keys that had no excuse for being in the same room as the cell anyways.
06:47 I get that they wouldn't anticipate him escaping though.
06:51 Because they're so stupid that they think you wouldn't use the long things in your cell to escape when they have no reason to still be in the cell.
06:59 He gets in danger and Sabrina hammers the message into her head.
07:04 Sabrina saves the day so effortlessly that I miss what she did.
07:08 It had no impact at all.
07:10 And she gets the compass back and they go home.
07:12 You'd think someone with magic would've gotten this accomplished a lot earlier.
07:17 You know, with teleportation.
07:19 Sabrina lets Harvey believe he was just daydreaming like he already believed.
07:24 It was exciting that Harvey was with Sabrina.
07:26 Sabrina tells Salem he thought he'd hate her gift.
07:30 Predictably, he says this is the best gift he ever got given.
07:34 I assume it's because it's a gift from Sabrina.
07:36 He likes having a framed photo of himself with him and Sabrina.
07:40 And says every photo he has of himself just has him in it.
07:43 I hate when a whole story could've been avoided if people talked.
07:47 But it makes sense that Sabrina didn't because she'd think that even having that conversation would already give away to Salem that her gift wouldn't be big and extravagant.
07:56 This episode is Sabrina time travel with a different artifact this time to try to get Salem's old friends on tape wishing him a happy birthday.
08:04 But every time, they get furious at hearing Salem's name because he screwed them over in a way that he could've effortlessly made up for with magic.
08:13 It was always interesting to watch and hear people explain why they hate Salem.
08:17 So it was a good episode.
08:19 Because it was satisfying after how awful he's been.
08:23 Even if it's another one where magic just didn't work out.
08:26 Salem would know they end up hating him and not bother to keep them in an address book when they've long since been outlived.
08:34 If he still liked visiting them, he would've had written down the time when they still liked him.
08:39 So Sabrina would've gone to that time instead.
08:42 The episode has a good message that just because someone says he wants extravagant gifts doesn't mean he'll hate a handmade gift from someone he loves.
08:51 I always knew his bond with Sabrina was this strong.
08:54 But Sabrina should've known that more than anybody then.
08:56 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 30.
08:59 It's nice of the students to say goodbye to Sabrina for no reason, like she's popular.
09:05 Why is she walking home?
09:07 Why are they all doing that instead of taking the bus?
09:09 Why is Sabrina really nervous and looking behind her a lot?
09:13 She's a witch!
09:15 She finds out it's only a dog following her and she hugs it and says she'll take care of it.
09:20 She tries to hide the dog in a jacket and nervously lies about the noise, which shouldn't fool anyone.
09:26 If she knew she wasn't allowed to have any pets in the house, how did she even think it was worth it to bring it into her house?
09:33 She can't keep it invisible forever.
09:36 Quigley eventually says Sabrina has a bad track record with pets because once she gets bored, he's left to take care of them.
09:44 Sabrina never changes the water of her goldfish.
09:48 This is out of character.
09:50 He says her other pet, she got bored and stopped playing with a hamster, who somehow can talk to a bunch of other hamsters.
09:57 She must have used magic to make her able to talk to them.
10:00 It's out of character of Sabrina to be bad at taking care of pets.
10:03 If she isn't compassionate, she's not Sabrina.
10:07 The scene's really draking out, it's being very generic.
10:10 The only interesting thing is she magically summons a halo, and it's nice that her answer affected it to the dog.
10:17 Salem gets licked by the dog.
10:19 Since when do dogs instantly act affectionate to cats instead of chasing them?
10:24 Then there's a boring generic montage with Sabrina having a dog that goes how you'd expect.
10:29 Someone threatens the dog with a newspaper.
10:32 I can only find value in this story because I've seen two comics where Sabrina got a new dog only for it to disappear the next story.
10:39 But it shows how pointless this is because this does nothing with her being a witch.
10:45 Sabrina talks on the phone with Harvey and uncharacteristically doesn't feed the dog.
10:49 She thinks to keep the dog from using the spooky jar, but never thinks to feed it.
10:55 Huh?
10:56 It's disrespectful to Sabrina's character to make her heartless.
11:00 It forgets why she was ever popular.
11:02 Why would Quigley say he needs to talk to her about that pooch of hers with an antagonistic tone when the next sentence he starts complimenting her on the dog?
11:12 Why would he not be suspicious and mad at Sabrina putting her hand on Salem's mouth?
11:17 Salem snarks at dogs who are idiots who don't just pick up on things.
11:21 So the dog turns on him.
11:22 Why would Sabrina not believe Salem about this when he lives in a witch household with a spooky jar?
11:29 And she saw him try to use it.
11:32 It's just there for padding, which is so pathetic that they'll have really bad parts of an episode just because the writer was too incompetent to make a plot that lasts the whole episode.
11:42 It takes a long time of boredom before Salem spies on the dog and sees normal dogs walking around.
11:48 The dogs talk in the dump, with one of them having a magic bone put on his head causing him to complain about his abusive owner.
11:56 And this happens again.
11:58 This just reminds me of the Rick and Morty episode where a dog gets smart and turns evil, which only demonizes his intelligence.
12:06 It makes me wonder if this is a cliché story.
12:09 I shouldn't need to explain this, but there's no point in having the show tell the audience that pet neglect and abuse is wrong more than one time.
12:17 Wouldn't it be better to have a lot of messages in every episode?
12:21 Salem somehow walks ahead and gets their attention accidentally, when obviously he'd use his magic on them instantly or warp home, not fall and act scared and get picked up.
12:34 And while he does get his claws out, he cuts ahead to the dogs running from him rather than showing him the awesome.
12:40 Eventually, Sabrina sees a protest and gets told someone stole every dog in town.
12:46 Sabrina is shown a newspaper with a photo of her dog and realizes Salem was telling the truth. No duh.
12:53 She also sees paw prints all over, with the house being a mess, and walks around with an umbrella.
12:59 Salem has a black eye that he obviously would have cured with magic, and he blames Alvin.
13:04 There's no way Salem would be such a failure with his magical powers.
13:09 Sabrina even says don't be so pathetic.
13:12 She is one to talk though, because she's somehow scared at reading a note trying to manipulate her when she could obviously warp her aunt and quickly to her right now.
13:21 Instead, she's finally wearing a new outfit for once, which makes her look badass.
13:26 But I won't be manipulated into thinking she is when she should just be using magic.
13:30 Instead of creating a portal that home in on Alvin, she gives Salem something and eventually throws a tree to get the two dogs to go after them, letting her and Salem progress.
13:41 When magic could have also worked.
13:43 And somehow her aunts are still sitting there tied up, and these idiots let the dog talk when they have magic.
13:51 And somehow Salem gets hurt, and Sabrina and Salem end up tied up too, when they all have magic.
13:57 Alvin complains that she tried to fool him.
14:00 Sabrina asks why he's doing this, and gets the message hammered in.
14:04 These writers think we're complete idiots if they think we're not gonna get the message instantly.
14:10 She says she didn't mean anything by it and apologizes and calls him sweet.
14:14 This reminds me of that episode of the Fairly OddParents where an evil monster magician stopped being evil just because Timmy said sorry.
14:21 The aunts reveal that somehow, if Sabrina's speech reminds the dog of what it was like to be her happy pet, the spell will go away.
14:29 Because that makes total sense.
14:31 If Spooky made it like this because he disapproved of his spell, then why did he even grant his wish in the first place when he's just a dog?
14:38 And he'd obviously rather side with Sabrina's family over him.
14:42 Spooky must have used some mind-reading power to even know what the dog wanted with him.
14:47 The dogs get made affectionate again, and the cop asks quickly if he'd like to ride in a police car with him for fun.
14:54 And Elvis quickly gets made to ask if he's not toying with him like last time.
14:58 But he doesn't get nearly enough abuse in the show.
15:01 Eventually, Alvin's owner finds him.
15:04 And like Sabrina, she says she loves him.
15:07 It's good that it actually did explain why the dog won't be in later episodes.
15:12 I knew it wouldn't be.
15:14 This episode's about Sabrina getting a dog and uncharacteristically not feeding it when it clearly wants to be fed, like she's a sociopath.
15:22 So the dog gets a hold of Spooky Jar because she somehow didn't warp it to a place where the dog couldn't get at it, even though she just saw it try to use it.
15:31 And the dog somehow wishes it could be smarter, and that somehow turns to evil.
15:36 Why wouldn't the dog instead wish that Sabrina would never ignore it and its needs?
15:42 If it can talk, why not just tell Sabrina to not ignore it?
15:48 After all of its good times with Sabrina, it wouldn't make a spiteful wish and turn evil that quickly because dogs have loyalty to their owners.
15:57 The episode went from a story that was boring and pointless from how generic it was to an insanely frustrating one when Sabrina somehow doesn't believe Salem about an obviously witchcraft-related thing being the case,
16:09 and so she doesn't instantly turn to Spooky to get his magic undone.
16:13 Even if I didn't believe Salem, I'd still go to Spooky just in case.
16:18 And then Salem sees the dog try to get the other dogs to rebel, and he somehow doesn't point instantly to get everything back to normal.
16:26 Nor does he even warp to the Spooky Jar to do so.
16:29 He's always a cat because he used to be a warlock, so he wouldn't forget he has magic.
16:35 We didn't need an entire episode to hammer in the message that pet neglect is evil, at the expense of the smartness of these witches who never think to use magic.
16:45 The first scene where Sabrina was ragingly out of character by not taking care of her goldfish was already successful in having the message be memorable.
16:53 (upbeat music)