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00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series Episode 31. Harvey says Sabrina gets to hang out with him and have fun playing a game with him.
00:07 Jem gives the girl a new haircut and makes her smile with her advice.
00:12 Chloe says to Jem, "You're finally getting that personality transplant."
00:17 Jem says she's hosting exchange students from Canada. Sabrina says that's exotic.
00:23 How did the writer not realize it'd be more interesting to see exchange students from anywhere else?
00:29 But with this show's track record, I don't trust it anyways.
00:32 Why is Jem not caring that people are laughing at her just for bragging that she'll get to eat Canadian food?
00:38 Chloe says Jem knows nothing about Canada.
00:42 Then out of nowhere, we see some people with magical powers who arrive at Jem's mansion.
00:48 Since when is the chef the one answering the door in a mansion?
00:52 He asks how they got past the security guards, and he gets transformed into a giant dog treat.
00:59 And the dog doesn't freak out and get scared of them.
01:02 I can't muster up any sympathy for Jem's family as they were shown to be evilly strict before.
01:08 So I look forward to this episode. I guess their butler...
01:12 quit.
01:15 Uncharacteristically, Jem tries to be nice to the exchange students, saying they're gonna be her new best friends,
01:21 and she puts her arms around them both, and she somehow talks slowly, saying that they speak English very well.
01:28 They weren't talking in French accents,
01:31 so why would she ever think they couldn't speak English natively? And if she really thought this,
01:37 she wouldn't be speaking slowly.
01:40 They plan to mess with her.
01:42 She gets convinced to make a phone call for an interior decorator to go to her bedroom,
01:48 and she isn't sure she likes how it's changed.
01:50 And the boys decide to do something about Jem's look, which did get old, granted.
01:56 I wish I knew the names of these people because I love that they're gonna bully Jem, so I don't want to just call them bullies.
02:01 Why would Jem say that Sabrina's not as cool as her when she should immediately know that she looks ridiculous?
02:07 Sabrina recognizes the exchange students, calling them Dawson and Felicity, and the girl hugs her.
02:14 I'm glad it was shown that they have a heart instead of just being evil stereotypical witches. Dawson walks with his hand on her shoulder.
02:23 Apparently they used to go to Camp Netherworld five years ago.
02:26 Felicity summons soft chairs, and I have to assume the spy witches are only hired to erase camera footage of magic.
02:34 She says she's got a vacation in the mortal realm, which is why she's here.
02:38 Jem gets her soda, and she spits it out, calling it awful.
02:42 She uses magic to make it look different and lies to Jem that she got her the wrong thing.
02:47 I'm glad Sabrina laughs at it because earlier when she gasped,
02:51 I thought she was gonna feel bad for Jem for getting bullied. Finally.
02:55 Sabrina says she can't just leave her friends.
02:58 They're her friends too, and they're clearly more entertaining to the audience.
03:02 Felicity and Dawson get demonized by the writer because they want to make Sabrina's friends leave her,
03:09 when if they're like that, why don't they just brainwash Sabrina?
03:12 Instead they convince them that Sabrina doesn't want them to stay here, instead of just brainwashing them,
03:18 and Chloe says Sabrina did not just dis her. To be fair, she has no reason to expect them to lie to her.
03:24 She doesn't know them.
03:26 Sabrina and her old friends ride flying carpets into a whirlpool in the ocean, and I assume the green light around them is an air bubble.
03:34 I'm happy for them that the novelty of using magic hasn't worn off for them.
03:40 They only have so much creativity. Then they get warped somewhere else, and the octopus is warped away.
03:46 Nothing that matters is happening, but at least it's interesting to look at.
03:50 So I wish the whole show was like this.
03:53 It just doesn't motivate me to talk about it.
03:56 It's so obvious that she's way happier hanging out with them than Chloe and Harvey.
04:02 Sure, it was wrong of them to make Chloe mad at Sabrina because their Osamahow was so desperate to hang out with her,
04:08 but I can assume it's because they like Sabrina that much, for once.
04:13 You'd think they would just think of her as annoying goody-two-shoes because the only thing to like about her is that she's supposed to be a goody-two-shoes.
04:19 Chloe tells Sabrina that her new friends uninvited them. I'm glad she's not mad at Sabrina.
04:26 Dawson talks in a way that reveals magic and immediately thinks to try to erase Chloe's memory, and Sabrina says Chloe already knows,
04:34 so it's cool. And what's confusing is that Sabrina doesn't say only fairies can erase memories like it's nothing at that age.
04:42 Sabrina would be the same age as these two since she went to camp with them,
04:46 and there's no indication that fairies have different powers than witches.
04:51 So why doesn't she talk as if it's a big deal that they can erase memories since she never did?
04:56 So why doesn't she ever erase memories?
04:58 Chloe has to explain that she can't go with them because Harvey's mortal and walks away.
05:04 And can't she just go with them without Harvey?
05:09 Naturally, Sabrina's friends point out that Chloe should understand that Sabrina should get to hang out with her witch friends sometimes.
05:14 And they should really point out that they only had so much time to spend with Sabrina,
05:19 so they have every right to have her to themselves.
05:23 It's like how Sabrina wanted to have her father to herself in My Stepmother the Babe.
05:29 But it's not considered them to expect Sabrina to hang out with them instead of go to school,
05:34 because they know she'd be behind in her schoolwork.
05:37 And they're not suggesting that you use magic to fix that problem.
05:42 Her friends are smart enough to point out that she doesn't have to buy clothes, and a dress gets warped to her.
05:47 And she's fine with this, making me wonder why she even wants to buy clothes ever.
05:51 And she ends up going with them.
05:54 Sabrina the Goodie Two-Shoots would never ditch school.
05:57 Somehow I'm expecting to believe Sabrina's been ditching school for a whole week.
06:02 And I guess Quigley grounded her, but she somehow doesn't care.
06:07 Her parents would get called immediately.
06:10 Jem's humiliated, and again somehow doesn't realize it.
06:14 So what's the point of writing it?
06:16 I just have to assume that the fairy friends summoned a fake Sabrina to go to school in Sabrina's absence.
06:23 Sabrina's exhausted when she goes to Chloe, who says real friends don't have to settle for being backup friends when her cool friends show up.
06:31 Rather than saying they only have a few days to spend time with her, Sabrina says she'll make it up to them.
06:38 But she has to check her schedule.
06:40 Naturally, when they ditch her, Dawson tells her, "See how mortals don't understand?"
06:48 And Felicity says that they're just jealous.
06:51 Which could be true.
06:52 They strawman it by having her say that.
06:55 Like why would they not be jealous of people with omnipotent powers?
07:00 She says if Sabrina wants to be cool, she has to stop hanging out with boring mortals.
07:05 It's a shame that they're only being demonized.
07:08 When the whole audience would agree that they're more entertaining to watch than Chloe and Harvey who never do something interesting.
07:14 Felicity summons a fairy rulebook, ripping off Fairly Oddparents.
07:19 A mortal who eats fairy food will forever remain a prisoner.
07:23 This would never be the case.
07:25 So the jerks plan on tricking Chloe and Harvey.
07:28 It's really a shame that these two are being shown as heartless with the exception of the fact that they like hugs.
07:34 You wouldn't see a Sonic villain admitting that they like hugs.
07:38 Chloe gets invited to a party and says she doesn't trust those two.
07:42 But then regardless of Harvey's faith in them because it's only a party, when she knows he's an idiot,
07:47 Chloe has no excuse for going to the party anyways with a bunch of witches evil enough to make Sabrina a behind in school work.
07:53 She could at least ask for magical artifacts from Sabrina to defend herself.
07:58 Why doesn't the show ever show you the consequences of missing school?
08:03 It's always about teaching you lessons.
08:05 At least have that amount of something good at one point.
08:08 Sabrina remembers how she's known Chloe and Harvey since they were kids.
08:13 But sadly nothing interesting is revealed.
08:16 I have to assume Dawson and Felicity are so far away or talk so quietly that they can't be heard saying that all they have to do is give them fairy food to trap them.
08:26 But it doesn't come off like they're whispering.
08:28 And there's no reason Dawson would say this when he already did.
08:32 And while Gem thinks she's not just being bullied when she's expected to act like a waitress,
08:38 all she'd have to do is feel skeptical one time and google what she's being told by them and she'd know she's being lied to.
08:46 Sabrina gets a convenient phone call, and it's totally forgettable how,
08:51 and warps to the fairy world to prevent her friends from getting trapped.
08:55 Sabrina says real friends don't make you give up your other friends.
08:59 And her friends warp away because I guess their time ran out.
09:04 And Sabrina says they were forced to go home and apologizes.
09:08 I have to just assume all the mortals who witness obvious magic have their memories messed with.
09:13 Then the real exchange students show up, and Gem screams and runs away.
09:19 It's really annoying to me that one that pronounces "about" like "aboot" when I don't.
09:23 And they both dress in the colors of the Canadian flag, which is also unrealistic.
09:28 This episode is about Sabrina's fairy friends from a witch camp having an entertaining time hanging out with her,
09:35 because I guess they like her that much.
09:38 But not enough to feel like it'd be wrong to make her have to catch up on a week of schoolwork
09:42 because they somehow convinced her to hang out with them, ditching school for a week, making her friends upset.
09:49 It's good that we didn't see the episode where she met them,
09:51 because then we would've gotten so attached to them that it'd be sad that they're misbehaving.
09:56 Then somehow it turns out there's a rule where fairies can live on Earth forever,
10:00 but arbitrarily only if they trick a mortal into eating fairy food.
10:04 When already the people who made the fairy rules are evil, so why would they give a shit?
10:09 They just let them live on Earth.
10:11 It's disappointing how the fairy friends are unimaginatively evil just to explain away why they don't stick around.
10:17 Because Red just has to demonize people with magic who encouraged Sabrina to use it, when he didn't actually have to.
10:25 So the moral is that real friends don't try to get you away from your other friends. No duh.
10:30 How stupid do they think the audience is?
10:33 Then they should've shown the consequences of missing a week of school instead of teaching us that it's harmless.
10:39 The person who does need this episode is the Rider, but with Chloe and Harvey being the bad guys.
10:47 They're the ones who want Sabrina to get away from those friends.
10:51 Like, of course they would want to occupy Sabrina's time, they only get a week with her.
10:56 And Chloe knows that she doesn't have a chance against her magic.
11:00 For the most part, I actually enjoyed the episode.
11:04 Because it was refreshing and cathartic to see Sabrina get to enjoy hanging out with people who heavily use magic with no nagging against magic.
11:12 And it was a stroke of genius to have Gem be bullied all episode.
11:17 But it was very stupid to write her to be oblivious to it and try to ruin the satisfaction.
11:22 Sabrina's friends would've still wanted her to hang out with them instead of go to school if they had no powers.
11:28 So magic wasn't really demonized until they got Chloe and Harvey to go to the fairy world.
11:33 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 12, "Saturday Night Fure"
11:39 We see Zelda trying to pull a shirt away from Hilda because they both want Saturday night.
11:45 But lets himself zap up a copy of the shirt for himself.
11:49 The ants land on Sabrina and eventually, quickly, selfishly says that from now on they're spending every Saturday night together.
11:58 Why would all these witches humor this mortal on that?
12:02 Especially since Sabrina even says they already tried that and hated it.
12:07 I don't care that he's physically the oldest, they wouldn't care.
12:11 The ants satisfyingly ask him about his girlfriend and he says she left him.
12:16 Hilda says she's got the perfect woman for him who's getting too old for wrestling.
12:22 So of course he tells her not to help him.
12:24 She must've not even been trying to do a good job, being as sadistic as he is.
12:31 Quickly offers them tickets and says they're going to go to a barber shop quartet to sing and do lame stuff.
12:38 He's so selfish he'll force them to do stuff they obviously don't want to do to take advantage of them being too scared to not humor him.
12:46 Which proves that he isn't forcing Sabrina to not use magic because he's a good person.
12:51 It's another result of his selfishness.
12:53 Sabrina tells him his idea isn't fair.
12:58 Salem says the answer is simple but rather than saying brainwash him out of this, he says that Quickly needs a girlfriend.
13:05 They need someone very desperate.
13:08 And they can't zap one up because she wouldn't have an official house to live in so he'd figure out she's not real.
13:15 We see Sabrina in front of a scroll she wrote, a personal ad for Quickly about who he'd want to date.
13:21 It's lampshaded that it might be a bad idea for Quickly to date a witch.
13:26 Hilda says there's no one more fun than a witch.
13:29 The witch with a seductive voice flusters him and warps him to the netherworld.
13:34 Why does he ask what this place is?
13:37 Did he seriously never go visit this realm before? Coward.
13:41 It's satisfying to see Quickly get scared by his experience here.
13:45 It's lampshaded that his ad said he liked museums and was looking for adventure.
13:51 Why did his family think he was looking for adventure?
13:54 And she accuses him of lying and says she punishes people who lie.
13:58 I assume she's gonna torture him with magic for the whole episode.
14:02 I like the idea of an episode dedicated to punishing Quickly.
14:06 Hilda says the pig transformation spell he went through will wear off in a day.
14:11 That's a miracle.
14:12 I just wish there wasn't so much time in the episode where he wasn't getting tormented.
14:17 Someone talks as if that kind of spell usually wears off in a day, but then says usually,
14:22 so it's not like it's always like that for everybody.
14:26 So why does she even assume it is gonna wear off in just a day?
14:30 Hilda doesn't like the idea of going to a lecture,
14:33 and Sabrina says that Quickly hated his date because it wasn't his choice.
14:38 Yeah, I'm sure the fact that he was sent to the other realm has nothing to do with it.
14:44 It's explained that they don't even know what his romantic tastes are.
14:48 Hilda uses magic to look into his heart and summon a scroll showing them which women he likes the most.
14:55 Including Sabrina's junior high principal.
14:57 Why would she say junior high principal instead of just principal?
15:01 That'd be faster.
15:03 It's kind of interesting that her principal is a woman.
15:05 I like that Hilda didn't hesitate to pry into his mind and Zelda didn't stop her,
15:10 even though she refused to give Sabrina a perception spell for Harvey and just made her ask him something.
15:17 Here I have to assume they have tried to ask him his tastes and he never answered them.
15:22 I assume the fact that he's gonna date her principal is gonna factor into the plot,
15:28 instead of it being pointless who she is.
15:30 But the only way it would factor into the plot
15:33 would either not make sense because principals aren't supposed to play favorites,
15:37 or it would be awful because she would mistreat Sabrina because of Quigley.
15:43 We end up seeing Quigley on the phone awkwardly asking the principal out.
15:47 Because he was forced to.
15:50 Why does it say "I understand" if he wasn't rejected?
15:54 I guess she's making a request, but we never really see what that is.
15:58 I hope he hates this date.
16:00 It turns out Sabrina's answer going to Mars in astronaut suits,
16:04 being entertaining because of how fun-loving and random they are.
16:08 Them having astronaut suits for going to alien inhabited planets is inconsistent with the rest of the series,
16:15 but it's better than things not making sense.
16:18 Sabrina plans on making sure Quigley's date doesn't fail,
16:22 and Salem doesn't have faith in her and says to leave him out of this.
16:26 Why did Salem jokingly ask if she suggested riding along on his date when he didn't want to get the idea?
16:33 And he won't even bother explaining to her why she shouldn't.
16:37 Not that it would help since she's doing it even though he said he didn't want anyone meddling in his love life.
16:43 Sabrina uses magic so that she and him turn into dangling fuzzy dice in his car.
16:48 Why is Salem with her?
16:50 I guess so she can conserve magic.
16:52 Salem should explain that while he could use magic to stop Sabrina from doing something easily,
16:58 he's going along with it anyways because a part of him enjoys the adventure and risk-taking of going along with her.
17:06 Not that he's really acting like it.
17:08 I'm still wondering why he doesn't remove her powers temporarily or turn her into a statue.
17:13 Salem uses magic to change the way his car looks, and he doesn't appreciate it.
17:19 Salem doesn't like that he was riding empty-handed like a bachelor and summons roses for her which he appreciates.
17:26 Quigley would know that witches are tagging along in his car.
17:30 Thankfully, he does look behind him.
17:32 Why does she ask if he's saying something instead of making it clear she heard every word he said about how he knows someone's making magic?
17:40 Sabrina has a good excuse for helping him, but it's very frustrating because Salem keeps making me think the date will be ruined by her.
17:47 Already, Quigley's making a fool out of himself because he freaks his date out looking paranoid in front of her.
17:53 Him saying the word "grounded" should make it clear that he suspects Sabrina's nearby.
17:58 It sure would suck if the end of the episode didn't specify that he isn't gonna ground her.
18:03 Sabrina effortlessly brainwashes him into ordering a bunch of the French restaurant stuff with an accent.
18:09 The kind that Ikondo understands when the waiter talks to him.
18:12 He gets brainwashed into asking his date to dance with him when there's no music and singing.
18:17 It's clear that making too good of an impression on her would just set her standards too high.
18:22 She says she was just embarrassed because he made a spectacle of her.
18:27 Maybe she could have told him to stop a lot earlier.
18:32 She calls him an unrealistic insult.
18:35 At least she plans to pay for her half and leave.
18:39 Sabrina casts a love spell on him.
18:42 There's no way that all the other women in the joint would also want him and fight over him.
18:47 Sabrina would have to imagine that for it to happen.
18:51 There was a Sabrina story demonstrating that Sabrina's spells kept prematurely turning off because she wasn't using magic enough.
19:01 At least this is a story about Quigley getting tortured like he wanted.
19:04 But the episode is trying to make me feel tense about it instead of enjoy it fully.
19:08 Because if his date goes poorly, he'll force the entire family to give up their Saturday night dates.
19:15 He runs away as they wonder why Sabrina didn't just brainwash him into not forcing them to do that if she's fine with brainwashing him.
19:23 Why is he saying "So it's you two" like he's remotely surprised?
19:28 The ants are away and they're the biggest troublemakers in the family.
19:33 And he said the word "grounded".
19:36 How did he get disguised as a bellhop that fast?
19:39 Was there a time skip?
19:41 Did magic do it?
19:43 Salem gets told to do something by Sabrina.
19:46 To summon the ants.
19:48 Why did he destroy a chandelier?
19:50 He summons the ants who are conveniently happy about their day being interrupted.
19:54 I like the hill that says "Oh, is that all?"
19:57 They're perfectly happy to fix things.
20:00 Hilda says happily that the women will remember nothing about this other than going to the movies.
20:06 He says she's not his type out of nowhere.
20:09 Somehow he meets his ex.
20:11 Who says she'd give anything to have their Saturday nights back.
20:15 I guess it makes sense because a lot of people have bad tastes.
20:19 Too bad he needs a happy ending so the family would have their nights back.
20:23 Because I feel like it misses the point of a Quigley torture episode.
20:27 Hilda somehow says they should follow them to make sure their date goes right.
20:31 Even after what just happened.
20:34 Hilda doesn't mind that her date was ruined because she was with an eight-armed guy who wouldn't keep his hands to himself.
20:41 But what about Zelda?
20:42 Sabrina wonders why no one's working around here.
20:45 And it turns out the bellhop is sent to an island.
20:48 This was about Sabrina making sure Quigley's date goes well just to ruin it.
20:53 I think I like this episode actually because it was all about torturing Quigley.
20:57 I wish nearly every episode was like that because it's a guarantee of quality.
21:01 The story made it hard to enjoy his date being ruined because we're supposed to think there's a huge consequence for it being ruined.
21:09 So it should have just been explained that if this doesn't change his mind Salem would just brainwash him into not ruining their Saturday nights.