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These Bill Burr moments will have you in stitches! Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the instances where Bill Burr made us laugh, gasp or otherwise respect the comedian’s gift of gab.

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00:00 I swear to God, I'm just sitting there like, "I was just thinking, what if I started punching
00:04 the Muffins?"
00:07 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the instances where Bill
00:12 Byrd made us laugh, gasp, or otherwise respect the comedian's gift of gab.
00:18 "Three more seconds of pain, two more seconds, pffft, wham!
00:26 Wham!" 10.
00:30 Facelifts Bill Byrd never shies away from offending
00:33 anybody's delicate sensibilities with his comedy.
00:36 His bit on Facelifts from his 2012 special, "You People Are All the Same," takes on perceptions
00:43 of beauty with observations on plastic surgery.
00:46 "Why do people get plastic surgery?
00:48 You know?
00:49 Why can't you just admit it's over?
00:51 You know?
00:52 You had your time."
00:54 Byrd opines about how some people occasionally go too far with their plastic surgery obsessions,
01:00 as opposed to growing older with grace.
01:02 "Why do I look…
01:03 Yeah, they're idiots!
01:04 Do I look like I'm in my 20s?
01:07 No, you look weird!"
01:09 Facelifts, liposuction, hair plugs, and more receive Bill Byrd's "no-nonsense" approach,
01:15 as the comedian stresses how so many of these procedures have the opposite effect to what's
01:20 desired.
01:21 In Byrd's own words, "What would you rather be?
01:24 52 and look 52 or be 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?"
01:31 Number 9.
01:32 Heaven.
01:33 Everybody has a different idea about the afterlife, what it entails, and what happens.
01:39 "I was doing a gig in Helsinki, and over there they're like Lutheran.
01:43 And what they believe, they believe when you die, you're dead.
01:47 And that's it.
01:48 Dead.
01:49 Like a pigeon.
01:50 Just laying there.
01:51 Over."
01:52 Bill Byrd's 2014 special "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" contains a bit that
01:58 references a heavenly paradox with which many of us struggle.
02:03 Byrd asks a very specific question.
02:06 What happens if somebody we want to be in heaven with us, well, isn't there?
02:10 "Like how am I supposed to enjoy heaven if that's the deal, right?
02:15 Just sitting there waiting for my friends to show up like Jesus Christ.
02:18 Where the hell are they?
02:20 It's been like 150 years, they must have eaten a lot of Brussels sprouts or some shit.
02:24 Doing some yoga, right?"
02:26 The very concept sort of defies heaven as this sort of emotional paradise without worry
02:31 or hurts.
02:32 Byrd naturally makes light of this subject, admonishing Jesus for the plight of Bill's
02:37 missing friends.
02:38 The comedian also makes fun of nepotism, stereotypes, daring Jesus to go tell his dad.
02:45 "I'm already in here.
02:46 I'm already in here.
02:47 What, are you going to kick me out afterwards?"
02:49 8.
02:50 George Bush
02:52 Bill Burr's Paper Tiger special from 2019 featured a number of funny bits about the
02:57 United States presidency, including the duties of a first lady.
03:01 "Just standing there smiling and waving, right?"
03:05 However, older fans of the comedian's work will realize that these sorts of hilarious
03:10 pot shots are nothing new.
03:13 Burr's 2003 CD Emotionally Unavailable included a bit which poked fun at former US President
03:19 George W. Bush, notably needling Bush's pronunciation and cadence.
03:24 "What I love about that guy, he can't say the word terror.
03:28 He uses the word every speech, he can't say terror.
03:31 He goes tear."
03:34 The bit then leans into some folksy American stereotypes in hilarious fashion.
03:39 "Dude, if you go, we're going to get you.
03:41 You should be just standing on stage with a couple of bloodhounds going, 'Go get him,
03:45 Blue!
03:46 Smell the shirt, get the scent, go get him!'"
03:49 7.
03:52 Robots Artificial intelligence seems to be in the
03:54 news lately on a daily basis.
03:57 However, Bill Burr was already expressing his concern about these matters back in his
04:01 2019 special, Paper Tiger.
04:04 "You know what I'm afraid of?
04:05 You know what I'm afraid of?
04:06 Robots."
04:07 The comedian shares a memory about how, while sitting in a hotel room, he watched a TV program
04:14 that featured a robot being interviewed.
04:16 In hilarious fashion, Burr mimics his reactions to the interview.
04:20 "He goes, 'What are your goals?'
04:21 And the robot goes, 'To become smarter than human beings.'
04:24 Yeah.
04:25 And the reporter just blows by it.
04:28 He goes, 'Okay, and what's your favorite color?'"
04:31 He also stresses the danger of autonomous robotics, and how so many science fiction
04:36 movies have prepared us for the worst of what may or may not occur in the not-so-distant
04:42 future.
04:43 "How many sci-fi movies do you have to see before you realize where this is going?"
04:49 Number 6.
04:50 Stephen Hawking It didn't take much more than a few seconds
04:54 for Bill Burr to stun the audience at London's Royal Albert Hall when he pivoted from dangerous
04:59 robotics to famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking.
05:03 Those in attendance at Burr's Paper Tiger special audibly gasped at the comedian's
05:08 segue to this topic.
05:09 "Even your boy hit a guy, he recently died.
05:11 What was his name?
05:12 He was always sitting down."
05:13 Burr doesn't stop there either, and continues to needle Hawking as being smarmy and negative,
05:22 while also creating an imaginary scenario about Hawking in the afterlife.
05:27 It's gloriously scorched earth stuff, without any thought or care as to who it might offend.
05:32 "You never had anything positive to say.
05:33 'Hey Steve, what do you got for us today?'
05:34 'In 2035 there'll be no more apples.'
05:35 Thank you Steve!
05:36 Thanks a lot!
05:37 Wasn't thinking about that, now I am!"
05:46 Number 5.
05:47 On Joe Rogan The 2020 coronavirus pandemic affected nearly
05:52 every aspect of our daily lives, to the point where it feels surreal now to watch interview
05:57 segments that took place during the early part of the pandemic.
06:01 "It feels weird to be talking about people that have it."
06:03 "Yeah, I know a lot of people that caught it."
06:06 Bill Burr was a guest on the Joe Rogan Experience back in the thick of it in 2020, in the pair
06:11 of an excellent back and forth about COVID-19 safety protocols.
06:15 "This is like rollerblading."
06:16 Burr's comparison of mask wearing and rollerblading is particularly funny, and Rogan seems to
06:21 enjoy steering the conversation to a place he knows will garner a reaction from his audience.
06:27 But Burr lightly makes sure to keep Rogan in check.
06:30 It's stunningly funny stuff.
06:32 "I'm not going to sit here with no medical degree, listening to you with no medical degree.
06:35 With an American flag behind you, smoking a cigar, acting like we know what's up better
06:41 than the CDC."
06:42 Number 4.
06:43 The Muffin Bit Bill Burr's reputation as a stand-up comic
06:47 with perceived anger issues has been well documented.
06:51 The man's 2023 directorial debut, Old Dads, referenced this in a great, surprisingly deep
06:57 fashion.
06:58 "Is that where you learn how to talk to principals?"
06:59 "No, it's where I learn to stick up for myself."
07:02 "You need to fix this, and you need to talk to someone about your anger."
07:07 There's nothing deep, however, about this bit from the 2007 Montreal International Comedy
07:12 Festival.
07:13 Here, the punchline is about how Burr, well, is fantasizing about punching muffins.
07:19 "She's selling muffins and she's got this big stupid 'ah, look at the muffins I made'
07:23 look on her face.
07:24 And the second I saw that, that part of my brain was just like, 'dude, what would happen
07:29 if you just walked up and just said, 'hey lady, are these your muffins?'
07:32 Oh yeah, and I just started going, 'bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.'"
07:37 The setting is a street fair and Burr does not want to be there.
07:41 So he decides to indulge a hypothetical where he smashes an entire table of muffins.
07:46 The bit is borderline ridiculous, but it makes us laugh every time.
07:50 "My girl looks at me, she's like, 'what the hell are you laughing at?'
07:53 And like an idiot, I actually tried to explain this screwed up thought to her."
08:00 Number 3.
08:02 The Philadelphia Incident
08:04 Heckling is, unfortunately, a big hazard when it comes to maintaining a living performing
08:09 stand-up comedy.
08:10 "You really have to come to this, people.
08:11 You really have to come to it."
08:14 The Philadelphia Incident references a 2006 comedy tour stop in Philadelphia.
08:19 The show turned out to be combative, however, as the audience seemed intent upon heckling
08:24 every comedian.
08:25 "This right here is the theme of my set, of broken my stand."
08:29 Rather than going home, however, Burr decided to let the Philly audience have it with both
08:33 barrels blazing.
08:35 The set was so intense that Burr actually won over the crowd, who ended up giving him
08:39 a standing ovation at the end of his set.
08:42 "Listen, I'm out of time.
08:44 You guys were here, man.
08:47 Thank you very much."
08:48 Number 2.
08:49 The Helicopter
08:50 "Ten minutes into the tour, the dude f*cking jumped out.
08:53 Yeah."
08:54 This outstanding bit from Bill Burr's 2014 special, "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way",
09:00 does such a great job at making such a dark and depressing story feel like the funniest
09:04 thing we've ever heard.
09:05 Granted, we must admit that the animated version on Bill Burr's YouTube channel does a lot
09:10 of the heavy lifting with regards to lightening the mood.
09:13 Still, the story of a man who chooses self-destruction during a helicopter tour, and the fact that
09:18 the guide of that tour had just been given control of the family business, is so wrong.
09:23 "Alright, if you look out the left side of the aircraft, that's Orange County.
09:27 There's over 27 miles of beaches.
09:30 Put your seatbelt back on.
09:31 27 miles of beaches.
09:32 Was established as a county in 1903.
09:33 Sir, please don't open the door.
09:34 Sir, what are you doing?
09:35 Sir, no!
09:36 No!
09:37 Don't!
09:38 No!
09:39 Stop!
09:40 No!
09:41 No!"
09:43 Yet, if laughing at the helicopter bit is wrong, well, then we don't want to be right.
09:49 "I think he accidentally did the most epic 500 foot belly flop in the history of jumping
09:54 out of a helicopter.
09:55 You know?
09:56 But that didn't change what he was trying to do!"
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10:15 1.
10:17 The Indianapolis Story We've probably all had instances where we're
10:22 seated next to somebody on an airplane that would just not leave us alone.
10:27 "And he goes, 'Oh cool, why are you going to Indianapolis, Bill?'
10:30 He started doing this shit.
10:32 And I just look at the guy and I go, I'm like, 'Yeah, I don't have to answer your questions.'
10:37 Whoa."
10:38 Bill Burr's recollections on the Joe Rogan experience about this red-eye flight to Indianapolis
10:43 is full of anecdotes about one particularly combative situation.
10:47 "He goes, 'You don't answer my questions right now, I'm going to hit that call button.
10:50 I will hit that call button.
10:52 I will stop this plane.'"
10:53 We love it when Rogan and other co-hosts ask Burr whether he filmed the exchange, to which
10:58 Burr responds, "Can't you just be in the moment and not turn into a film crew?"
11:03 The Indianapolis story just escalates more and more as this individual on the airplane
11:08 will just not leave the comedian alone.
11:11 We hope that this sort of thing doesn't happen to you, but we're honestly kind of stoked
11:15 that it happened to Bill.
11:16 "And I'm finally thinking that maybe this shit's over or is he just sitting there staring
11:20 at the side of my head.
11:21 And then all of a sudden I just hear, right as I'm starting to nod off, I just hear, 'Why
11:25 are you going to Indianapolis, Bill?'"
11:29 What's your favorite Bill Burr bit?
11:30 Let us know in the comments.
11:46 [music]

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