Video Information: 14.09.2020, Shastra Kaumudi, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ What is a Clear mind?
~ How does Clear mind operate?
~ Why a clear mind doesn't need any willpower?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Context:
~ What is a Clear mind?
~ How does Clear mind operate?
~ Why a clear mind doesn't need any willpower?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00 [MUSIC]
00:07 I've reached the point where with my friends, even with my parents,
00:12 my sister, I don't want to talk about who did what,
00:17 the gossip, go out and just do things that's called entertainment,
00:23 because we've done it for years.
00:28 And I want to stop doing that.
00:30 In fact, I want to do zero of it.
00:34 And I heard you say you just can't leave what you've accumulated.
00:40 And what comes up for me is that when I see certain behavior,
00:47 I feel disgusted.
00:49 So when I see, say, my parents doing things out of habit or
00:56 pattern and not being able to see it, or even, at least to me,
01:00 worse than that is not wanting to go to the fact, just believing it out of habit.
01:05 I feel disgusted.
01:07 And then I feel disgusted at myself for being in that environment and
01:10 not being brave enough to do something about it.
01:16 And then I look at my weaknesses, and I feel disgusted that I'm not compassionate.
01:22 I'm putting up with things.
01:24 I'm not doing what feels right.
01:26 And I guess the money example was easy, that only give as much as is needed,
01:32 and that's quantifiable.
01:34 How do I do it with family in terms of attention?
01:38 And they want sympathy, and I want to tell them to see things as it is, and
01:43 I would like them to show it to me as well.
01:45 And that's why I feel very, what I would like to do is just move away.
01:51 But that feels like an escape in a way, and
01:54 I just heard you say that you just can't leave what you've accumulated.
01:59 >> I said you can't leave before you have cleared your dues.
02:04 I didn't mean to say that you can't leave at all.
02:09 You see, till the time the dues exist,
02:18 you have to pay your installments.
02:23 And does that mean that the relationship will cease to exist
02:30 once the loan has been cleared off?
02:33 No.
02:34 After that, it will be not because of compulsion or obligation.
02:46 But rather due to compassion.
02:47 However, you cannot use compassion as an alibi to shy away from your dues.
03:02 That's what I meant to emphasize in this particular context.
03:08 Are you getting it?
03:10 So it's not as if you have to
03:18 indefinitely stay tethered or bonded.
03:27 Not really.
03:30 At the same time, it does not mean that the relationship has to be so
03:37 material or so transactional that once the money has been squared off or
03:43 once you are sure that I have given them the requisite care, attention, and
03:50 emotional support, now I can just break away and separate them from my life.
03:59 We are talking of neither of these ends.
04:05 On one hand, we are talking of very material responsibility.
04:13 And then we are talking of a spiritual responsibility,
04:22 which is not really a responsibility.
04:24 It's much more fun.
04:30 With responsibility comes the feeling of burden or bondage.
04:37 But when you give to the other not because you owe him something,
04:44 but because there is fun in giving.
04:48 But because it is a part of your life.
04:53 It is related to your existential project.
04:59 Then there is no obligation really and then there is no disgust in giving then.
05:06 At the same time, you are not really obliged to give.
05:10 There can be no obligation in fun.
05:15 But if you give at all, and I prefer we give as much as possible to as many people as possible.
05:23 If you give at all, then it is out of your really free will.
05:30 It is out of your freedom, not because of your liabilities.
05:48 Two questions. What did you mean when you said clear your dues in the beginning?
05:54 And the second question is, what if I'm giving and the person to whom I'm trying to say,
06:01 watch these videos or talk about it, the person gets very angry and defensive
06:05 and says I don't want to talk about this with you.
06:08 Okay, I'll take them one by one.
06:12 When I say clear your dues, the meaning is quite straightforward.
06:20 You see, when you are three or four,
06:27 obviously you have no choice in receiving from your parents, relatives, guardians,
06:35 society as a whole, we take from them, right?
06:42 But once you are 10 or 12, you do know that you are taking from them, right?
06:49 You may prefer to act or behave like an ignorant kid, a naive mind,
07:00 but you know fully well that it takes material resources to educate you,
07:06 to raise you, to feed you, to clothe you,
07:12 to turn you into at least a physically grown-up person.
07:16 You know all those things.
07:18 And then from the age of 10, 12, you keep consuming the resources flowing in from others
07:27 till the age of let's say 18, 20, in India sometimes 30, right?
07:36 So there is this period of a decade or two when you have consciously consumed from others,
07:47 consumed material stuff, consumed emotional security, consumed a feeling of identity,
07:57 a lot of things, a lot of things that have gone into turning you an adult.
08:05 Now once you are 20 or 30, you cannot just suddenly, abruptly disengage.
08:21 There is a bill to pay. There is a debt to settle.
08:26 That's what I mean to say.
08:29 That was one example.
08:31 The other example could be there is a woman you have been with since long.
08:38 And just as most relationships are founded on fleeting emotions and cardinal stuff,
08:55 let's say your relationship too was similar.
09:02 And then you have some kind of a spiritual awakening.
09:07 And that's after 10 or 15 years of relationship or let's say even 5.
09:14 You may have had kids. You may not have had kids.
09:18 If you have brought kids into the picture, that makes things even more complicated.
09:27 Can't just run away now.
09:32 There are dues to settle.
09:36 At the same time, those dues are not infinite.
09:40 You need not invest your entire life, entire time, entire energy
09:46 in just settling those dues.
09:49 Those dues can be managed, in fact can be cleared,
09:53 provided you do not exaggerate them, inflate them any further.
10:01 That's the first precaution you have to take.
10:04 Do not raise loans to settle existing loans.
10:11 And be very focused and in a sense very spiritually ethical
10:19 in acknowledging and clearing your dues.
10:24 Be very sharp, very, in fact cunning in realizing how not to
10:39 allow your debts to balloon further.
10:48 I know these words will not sound very spiritual, but I am saying be very calculative.
10:55 Know fully well how you raised those debts, how you allowed them to mount on your head the last time.
11:05 Do not repeat those mistakes.
11:12 At the same time, if there is a liability, be very honest in acknowledging and clearing it.
11:22 Otherwise you will find no peace.
11:27 Now, this was the transactional part of the whole thing.
11:34 Then comes the more spiritual sounding part, which is when you start giving
11:44 because you are in a position to give, internal position to give.
11:51 In the first part, you were preparing yourself to come to a position where you can give.
12:02 Now you have succeeded. Mission phase 1 completed.
12:08 Now you are in a position to really give.
12:11 Now don't count and don't calculate at all.
12:16 Now you are giving from a point of infinity.
12:21 Now you have so much that you don't really need to be shrewd and calculative.
12:30 Now you can afford to keep throwing away stuff and yet find yourself with enough.
12:43 But that is possible only when you come to that internal richness.
12:49 If you have not yet come to that internal richness, if you are still limited in your means and resources,
12:57 then you have to be very calculative.
13:02 Then you have to figure out whether you have to give 50 or 80.
13:06 You have to ration your resources.
13:11 I hope I am not confusing you with all this.
13:29 Are you getting it? So there is a time to count and then there is a time to just give away unconditionally.
13:46 Maybe this is not directly or completely addressing what you want to say. What is it?
14:04 I guess the question, maybe this is my conditioning, it probably is,
14:09 that it is easier to do with my friends than it is with my parents.
14:13 Especially when they say, "Oh, you are becoming cold" or "Don't talk to me about these things."
14:19 If it were my friends, I would just let it be. I wouldn't reach out to them.
14:28 It would just take its course.
14:31 But with my parents, there is this maybe feeling of guilt, like you said, I have to pay back the emotional support.
14:39 It is not so much financial as it is the emotional support I feel I took from them.
14:44 Now it is my turn to give back. I would not like to do it much, or if at all, but I feel guilty when I just abruptly stop.
14:53 Then you can really pay back in the spiritual sense after you have come to that point of richness we talked of.
15:03 One characteristic of not yet being there is when you feel frustrated on not succeeding with others.
15:16 So don't push things. Sometimes in these matters hurrying may not deliver the right results.
15:33 Think of this. You said you do not feel as frustrated with your friends as with your parents.
15:44 What is essentially the difference between these two categories of human beings?
15:51 The difference is body. You are not bodily related to your friends whereas the body is identified with parents.
16:02 So trying too hard with parents probably indicates a lot of body identification within the one who is trying.
16:17 Else why would he have chosen to give his parents special attention compared to friends or compared to the rest of the universe?
16:29 We often say that I try so hard my papa doesn't listen. But why are you trying so hard with your papa?
16:39 I mean there is the man next door who is probably much more ready and eligible to receive your stuff.
16:50 But you don't want to go to him. Why? Because your papa is your papa.
16:58 Now if you are so body identified what kind of spiritual deliverance do you want to give to the other?
17:11 And if your papa is your papa then to papa you remain.
17:21 How will you ever become a counselor or a friend let alone a guru or guide?
17:29 And which papa wants to take sermons from beta?
17:35 You can listen to a stranger maybe. But when the relationships are well defined
17:44 then you do not want stuff that challenges the very definition of relationships.
17:52 The son is there to be brought up. The son is not there to be listened to.
18:00 I am papa. Sunny. How am I supposed to relate to Sunny?
18:10 I am supposed to bring up Sunny. Or am I supposed to take sermons from Sunny?
18:17 Sunny come preach. That challenges the very definition of the relationship.
18:25 So this kind of spiritual advisory cannot take place within the established contours of the relationship.
18:37 And that relationship mind you is entirely physical.
18:41 What's the relationship first of all between daddy and Sunny?
18:45 Daddy physically gave birth to Sunny. It's a thing of the body.
18:52 The very central and primal thing that spirituality seeks to challenge.
18:57 Are you getting it? What's your relationship with your wife?
19:07 Did you bring that woman into your life to be preached? You didn't.
19:15 She's there to travel with you, watch movies with you, make babies with you.
19:24 Whatever is your definition of relationship. Maybe cook food for you.
19:30 All those things. So as long as she operates within her defined domain
19:37 which is quite strongly defined by the way. As long as she operates within that domain
19:43 you'll have no problems. What if she attempts to become your guru?
19:49 No. Your inner software says invalid input.
19:56 When you're not supposed to do that. Did I marry you to get preached?
20:02 I didn't. Now why are you preaching me?
20:06 It's another matter that had you not married the same woman
20:11 then you would have had relatively fewer problems in probably approaching her
20:17 and getting educated. Now it's alright. The same woman could have been more comfortably
20:26 easily your teacher had the relationship not existed in the first place.
20:30 But now it does. And therefore you have to be very mindful.
20:38 So don't push it too hard till you know that you're not pushing your papa.
20:48 It's alright to try to bring a person up. But it can be very frustrating
20:57 trying to bring your papa or mummy up. They're not persons anymore.
21:04 They are extensions of your body identity. You say my parents.
21:13 So they're extensions of your ego self. Now there's a problem.
21:18 The ego is trying to raise its own extensions without taking care of itself first.
21:25 I see that now. I can see my frustration is because
21:48 actually my mother did say don't lecture me.
21:55 And I guess my response to that was to just stop and disengage.
22:00 And then she got hurt and what I'm sensing from this is that
22:04 it's my desire that I had an outcome in mind that she would listen to me
22:14 and maybe go to the facts and I think that was much more strongly identified
22:20 versus say it was someone I met on a train or a bus and talked to.
22:26 A general little bit of advice. Home is the last place to practice spiritual activism.
22:41 You'll get badly frustrated.
22:46 This was around animals and veganism and I said I don't want to have a meal at your house
22:54 if there's animal products and she got very upset about that.
22:57 And I guess for me this part of me that says I want to stand for what I believe in
23:03 and then this part of me that says, there's this other voice that says
23:08 why am I doing this just to get back at her for all the things she did to me as a child.
23:14 You'll have to be very very patient and you'll have to realize your home
23:24 is the entire world really.
23:28 You may succeed with unknown people, unknown audiences.
23:33 It is extremely difficult to succeed at home in spiritual matters.
23:39 Very very difficult. And that's why the home is so important.
23:44 And that's why the home must not be left.
23:47 The home prevents you from slipping into a misplaced confidence
24:01 that you have won it all.
24:06 You might be a great winner in the world.
24:10 Home is the place that will repeatedly, loudly and forcefully
24:18 bring defeat to you and remind you daily of your defeat.
24:24 And that's why the home is so important. So that you don't become complacent.
24:31 Forty thousand people may say, wow Darius, wow.
24:37 Mom will say, go wash your face and take some food.
24:47 She will tell you that the world is still in darkness.
24:54 And mind you, mom or dad or siblings, they are all products of evolution and society.
25:05 You say you are frustrated, let's say with your sister.
25:09 Where does the sister come from?
25:12 Sister comes from biological evolution and social conditioning, right?
25:16 So her ignorant ways serve to constantly and repeatedly remind you
25:28 of what evolution and society have done to each one of us.
25:35 Else you can become needlessly complacent.
25:42 Are you getting it? Home is Prakriti. Home is the nest.
25:48 Right? Where are nests found? In Prakriti. Home is Prakriti.
25:53 Prakriti is Maya. Home is Maya.
25:58 Home will tell you there is so much work still left to be done.
26:04 Home will tell you you have a great battle left to fight.
26:11 Your mother is not just your mother. Your mother is very similar to the neighbor's mother, isn't she?
26:18 Right? Don't we even talk this way?
26:22 You know, mothers, you know how they are.
26:25 The moment you say, oh mothers, you know how they are.
26:29 Haven't you already acknowledged that all mothers are similar to a great extent?
26:38 Where does this similarity come from?
26:43 Evolution and conditioning. Because their bodies are similar.
26:46 Because they grew up in similar societies, therefore all mothers are similar.
26:53 So are all sons and daughters and fathers and husbands.
26:59 Because they are bodily similar in the first place.
27:04 And because they are being educated in the same way, more or less.
27:07 If not the same, then similar ways.
27:10 So when you look at your mother and find her behaving in a particular way, it's not her.
27:19 It's the entire world.
27:23 But you look only at her because you are still identified being a son.
27:29 You think it's between you and your mother.
27:33 It's not between you and your mother. It's between you and the universe.
27:37 If you want to blame, blame the universe.
27:40 And the moment you start seeing that your mother is the world's mother,
27:46 that's when you take the fight beyond the boundaries of your home.
27:52 That's when you realize that you need to be an activist on the road, not in your living room.
28:00 Because you cannot change your living room till you have impactfully changed the world.
28:09 Your mother is absorbing stuff from the TV screen.
28:13 How really do you hope to change her till you do something about what is flowing in from that screen?
28:21 Tell me, please.
28:24 But that's how we are.
28:27 We have limited concerns. We have personal concerns.
28:30 We have concerns within our boundaries, the boundaries of our home.
28:35 We want to keep things alright and clean within the boundaries.
28:40 Now things won't change within the boundary because the boundary itself is illusory.
28:45 Your parents, your wife, your kids, they are all organically related to everyone else
28:53 and everything else that's happening everywhere else.
28:57 But to everything else and everybody else and everywhere else, we don't feel so connected. Why?
29:05 Because there is no bodily relationship involved there.
29:11 That's the problem.
29:13 So when you encounter your defeats at home,
29:17 let those defeats remind you of the task at hand.
29:27 It's not your mother talking.
29:30 It's a collective subconscious ignorance of entire mankind talking.
29:39 Do you see this?
29:42 Are our parents, persons, individuals in that sense? Are we individuals? Where do we come from?
29:49 Do we have an integrity, a oneness?
29:53 Do we have something solid and composite within?
29:56 No. Where do we come from? A bit from here, a bit from there.
30:03 Right? We are like a snowball in a flux.
30:09 Collecting something from here, leaving something behind.
30:13 Constantly changing its shape, size, weight, everything depending on the situations.
30:19 So if you find something deplorable in the snowball,
30:25 why challenge the snowball? The snowball has no atma, no originality, no authenticity really.
30:37 You will be talking to a collection of items.
30:40 It's like you have moved into an inventory room.
30:45 You have moved into a storage room, a godown.
30:49 And you find a mess there.
30:51 And what are you doing? You are yelling at the room.
30:54 Is there anybody there to respond?
30:57 There is a lot of stuff there, but all of that stuff has come from here and there.
31:03 Who will respond to your desperate plea?
31:09 Who will answer your frustration? Nobody.
31:11 Because there is nobody there to answer.
31:14 Or let's say there is somebody, but who is fast asleep.
31:20 And everything else is immaterial.
31:22 Everything else is purely material.
31:27 Your stuff there, stuff that we take in from the society, from the markets,
31:33 from everything that we come across.
31:38 Can you visualize this man who is yelling inside a godown?
31:45 And expecting packages to respond to him?
31:50 They won't, because they don't exist consciously in any way.
31:54 They can't answer you.
31:56 So it's pointless getting frustrated.
32:02 So if you want to do something about the mess, what do you do?
32:06 What do you do? You figure out where the mess really comes from.
32:11 And it comes from? It comes from the world.
32:16 So don't be so obsessed with this little godown called home.
32:27 [Music]