Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 37.
00:03 Salem somehow finds a clear jug of milk in the fridge and drinks from it.
00:09 Milk cartons are in white jugs.
00:12 I guess he wants to conserve magic all the time so he won't warp milk to him.
00:17 An egg is in a nest under a lamp because ants are looking after it for biology class.
00:23 I don't remember that from my high school.
00:26 I like the Quigley's miserable here.
00:29 A floating rope is dragging him along the floor.
00:33 Why don't they do this all the time?
00:35 They always take it seriously when he grounds them like they're actually going to humor
00:38 him on it.
00:39 If they're not intentionally putting him through this, they would just point to free him from
00:44 the situation.
00:45 Sabrina finds out that her molars need to come out.
00:51 Somehow the dentist that a witch is arbitrarily going to does something he knows will scare
00:56 her, holding a hammer and saying she won't feel a thing.
01:00 He says he'll make an appointment for her and she says it'll hurt for her teeth to be
01:04 pulled out.
01:05 When I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out, I was offering Anastasia for it and I agreed.
01:11 Sabrina would have gotten that option, so the whole plot with her getting scared is
01:16 forced.
01:18 She seems to be living in a pretty big house so I'm sure they would be able to afford it.
01:23 Why are a bunch of giant teeth appearing?
01:26 Is that person always going to stay toothed?
01:29 That's needlessly dark, so I assume a spy witch is going to do that.
01:33 Harvey says he's trying out for the talent show, so is Sabrina just hallucinating all
01:37 that out of anxiety?
01:39 Quigley really messed her up.
01:41 I've always been assuming that this was happening because she's a witch so she's casting spells
01:45 out of fear, but there's no way she'd cast a spell without meaning to.
01:50 The whole time there's been no sign of Quigley.
01:53 Why would she go to the dentist without Quigley?
01:57 Who's going to pay for the dentist appointment?
02:00 Harvey guilts her trying to get her to vote for him in the talent show.
02:05 And Chloe is annoyingly manipulative calling Sabrina her favorite friend and dances.
02:11 I always hated this kind of plot in Archie where people wanted Archie as a judge to vote
02:15 the way they want.
02:17 Why does the writer torture us with this?
02:19 It's not fun.
02:21 Why doesn't Sabrina quit being a judge?
02:25 That's always a plot hole in this kind of plot.
02:28 What's supposed to be the appeal of her friends if they don't have any morality?
02:32 If they don't think, "You know, maybe this is cheating, trying to get an edge."
02:38 Sabrina says she wonders if she should have told her friends what she really thought of
02:42 their talents and says no.
02:44 I wonder what the message will be about.
02:48 Maybe it's another self-destructive moral telling the audience to sabotage themselves
02:52 in the name of morality.
02:54 Zelda confuses me by talking as if she and Hilda will stay young forever if they don't
02:59 pass high school.
03:00 Huh?
03:01 I assume they've very recently been turned into teenagers.
03:06 It doesn't make any sense that they'd have to pass high school again.
03:10 What does that have to do with actually growing up?
03:12 I'm sure they already went through high school.
03:16 Salem says "wish" and it's so obvious what he means.
03:19 So why does Hilda ask what's going on in his head?
03:22 Why are they talking as if they would need Spooky when Hilda's a witch?
03:27 Why is Hilda scared of Spooky?
03:30 Then why is she turning to him for help?
03:34 I feel like Spooky changed voices in this episode.
03:37 It's awful to see them trust Spooky again.
03:40 It could be explained that the witches are just under a brainwashing spell that makes
03:44 them think Spooky can always be trusted.
03:47 They should have explained that in episode 1.
03:50 At least there'd be a proper and universe justification for them instead of it looking
03:53 like lazy, disrespectful writing every time where they get handed the idiot bowl.
03:59 Why not?
04:00 Spooky can't possibly get any more unlikable.
04:03 At least this episode makes me wonder if I was never expected to like Spooky.
04:09 Sabrina goes to the dentist's chair, saying that there's nothing to be afraid of.
04:14 Predictably she's scared.
04:16 Then she screams in bed because she was having a nightmare.
04:20 So if she wasn't away from Hilda by being at the dentist's appointment, why didn't Hilda
04:25 just turn to Sabrina to cast the spell if she wanted to conserve magic so badly?
04:30 She tells Salem she has to get rid of these teeth and she's not going to the dentist's.
04:36 Doesn't she realize that her aunts would use magic to force her to go if they're too stupid
04:41 to simply zap away the teeth themselves and pay the dentist?
04:47 Why doesn't anyone realize they could instantly point to get rid of the molars?
04:53 Why is Sabrina going to Spooky instead?
04:56 There would be nothing wrong with zapping them away if you still give the dentist the
05:01 money.
05:03 Spooky plans to go on vacation.
05:06 Sabrina flatters him and at least he has a brain telling her to cut to the chase.
05:11 Sabrina says she needs her wisdom teeth gone.
05:14 The whole time I just have to assume that she thinks her aunts wouldn't zap them away
05:18 for her.
05:19 There's no reason that Spooky would get rid of what little wisdom she has just because
05:24 she asked them to get rid of her teeth.
05:27 Unless he's just doing this out of sadism.
05:30 Sabrina almost walks into a car.
05:33 I assume he didn't realize this could almost happen to her because if he thought he could
05:38 get away with almost getting her killed.
05:40 Well I think he does think that anyways because she wouldn't tell her family that she used
05:45 the spooky jar.
05:46 If he hates doing nice things with his magic to the point where he'd rather jinx all of
05:50 his spells out of sadism and he thinks he can get away with getting her killed.
05:55 Well I hate him and I hate the idiotic wizards in the show for not thinking to get rid of
05:59 him in the first episode.
06:02 The episode is nothing but cringe worthy from this point on by having Sabrina say rude things
06:06 when she doesn't want to.
06:08 Rather than instantly warping herself to Spooky to get the spell undone because she thinks
06:12 she's too stupid to do it herself.
06:15 Why doesn't anyone explain that Spooky is too powerful for someone other than him to
06:20 undo his spell?
06:23 Sabrina compliments Jem's sweater when she clearly doesn't want to.
06:26 So Jem gives it away because she hates that she likes the sweater.
06:30 And realistically she should always compliment her clothes from now on because that would
06:35 result in a good deed being done.
06:38 And that's supposed to be what she wants to do.
06:41 Chloe was smartly going to ask to borrow her clothes for the talent show.
06:45 Why doesn't Sabrina immediately explain to Chloe why she's insulting people all the time?
06:49 Instead I have to be frustrated by Chloe telling her to take a long nap.
06:55 Zelda says she told Hilda she could get through an assignment without resorting to magic.
07:00 And they're fine with using magic on themselves here.
07:05 Salem says a few restful years in a rubber room never hurt anyone.
07:09 What if she ever confided in him?
07:11 She could zap up a person out of scratch to confide in.
07:17 He shows her a spell book and says they need to find those wisdom teeth before she says
07:21 something really unwise.
07:24 So why didn't she get forced by the spell to tell everyone who's not in the know that
07:27 she's a wench?
07:29 How does this magic computer virus determine what to make her say?
07:33 It made her try to walk into a vehicle, so it's not about making her tell the truth she
07:37 secretly wants to let out.
07:40 Not all the time.
07:41 It doesn't even keep itself consistent.
07:45 Obviously if she wanted to tell people she was a witch, she would have already been made
07:51 to do so.
07:54 Sabrina tries to visit Spooky when he's on vacation and he refuses to undo the spell.
08:00 Salem summons a scary fish to ruin Spooky's floaties.
08:05 Why does he scream and sink instead of just warping back to the beach?
08:10 Then a helicopter with a rope saves him.
08:13 He says he's still on vacation.
08:15 Salem says he stole the shorts.
08:18 And Spooky says he'll do anything to get his clothes back, even though he could just use
08:21 magic.
08:22 I guess he assumes that if he says no, she will get the courage to tell her aunt she
08:28 used the spooky jar, and so her aunt will beat him until he agrees.
08:34 The story doesn't show Sabrina losing her wisdom teeth.
08:38 So the episode tortures the audience with Sabrina talking funny because she lost her
08:42 wisdom teeth.
08:43 She didn't talk funny the whole story in the comic when she just went home from getting
08:50 teeth pulled.
08:51 I never understood why she lost her wisdom teeth so early.
08:54 It took until I was an adult to have mine taken out.
08:58 Harvey reveals out of nowhere that he's able to handle the truth.
09:02 And he overreacts when his clothes are insulted.
09:05 But then he says he was just messing with her.
09:08 She says chicken and somehow he says that she doesn't need to call him names.
09:13 Why is she trying to tell him to look at something that clearly would only exist because of magic?
09:20 She's pointing.
09:21 So why is he not looking behind him?
09:23 Why is he trying to prove he's not a chicken?
09:26 He skateboards at the end, so at least she motivated him to try out in the talent show.
09:30 But I can't understand why the episode ended without resolving Hilda's plotline.
09:34 Only the most idiotic of writers would not resolve a character's plotline in a story
09:39 about it, and never do so in any of the subsequent stories.
09:43 What kind of a moral is "it's good that Sabrina made herself have to be miserable for weeks
09:48 when she could have zapped the teeth out of herself and paid the dentist"?
09:53 Oh yeah, it's the devil's work to save the dentist the trouble of pulling her teeth out.
09:59 The animated series comes off like it was come up with by pilgrims.
10:03 This episode of Spooky Beat is the least sympathetic.
10:06 It's another episode that never happened because these witches would never turn to him for
10:10 help when they've got magic themselves and he does nothing but betray them.
10:16 It's another episode that acts like it proved using magic is evil and should never be done.
10:21 If the moral is trying to be that you should turn to someone other than a dentist to get
10:24 your wisdom teeth removed, it failed to teach that lesson because in real life, the consequences
10:29 of that would not be that you'd start embarrassing yourself saying things you don't want to admit
10:34 for a horrible amount of time.
10:36 And I don't know how it'd even be possible to get your wisdom teeth removed without a
10:39 dentist anyways if it's not referring to something as simple as the old "tie a thread around
10:44 the tooth and tie the other end to a doorknob and close the door" trick, which would cause
10:49 a lot of bleeding, but all you'd have to do is hold something against the hole and it'd
10:52 eventually stop bleeding.
10:53 If there's any unexpected consequences, then we need to be told about that for the story
10:58 to teach a useful lesson.
10:59 What's the point of this horrible episode?
11:02 The only lesson I see is the one that I already learned from the show long ago.
11:07 Don't ever trust someone who does nothing but betray you when you can do what he offers
11:11 you yourself.
11:12 Well, duh.
11:14 Anyone possibly stupid enough to have not learned that lesson after the first time would
11:18 never learn that lesson.
11:20 And again, Hilda could have just gone to Sabrina for that favor and then erased her memory
11:25 of the fact that she did so she wouldn't be able to hold it over her.
11:29 A Sabrina continuity that does nothing but make magic backfire is no different than a
11:33 Sonic cartoon where Sonic's speed and Knuckles' super strength does nothing but backfire,
11:39 with the message that it's wrong to use them.
11:42 This show preaches about the value of honesty, but would it be honest to just say "fuck
11:46 this franchise" on Twitter?
11:48 The moral was about how Sabrina should have instantly told her friends they sucked, even
11:52 though it always came off like these idiots would have still tried out in the talent show
11:55 after going into denial and being mad at her.
11:59 Showing her see them humiliate themselves in the talent show because she didn't warn
12:03 them not to try out would have been telling us the realistic consequence to her mistake
12:07 so we'd have a chance at learning from it.
12:10 How can I blame her when the last time she was honest with Harvey he was like "I thought
12:14 you were supposed to be my friend"?
12:16 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 38
12:21 The mailman crawls backwards up a staircase and gets hit by a door by Sabrina, and I have
12:25 to assume all the spiderwebs are just because Sabrina's ants are witches.
12:30 Why does the writer think we're so sadistic that we'd like seeing the mailman get stuck
12:34 for a while and scream at a spider?
12:37 Harvey says he's not gonna make the wrestling team because he failed last year.
12:41 At least he doesn't stay overly confident about it.
12:45 Why is the spider taunting the mailman and showing him pictures of his kids?
12:49 It's Earth.
12:50 If he's supposed to be from the other realm, we need to be told that.
12:55 Harvey gets wrestled and mocked.
12:57 He says he practiced.
13:00 It is realistic that you could fail despite practicing, but it fits in the face of a previous
13:04 episode's lesson.
13:06 And a cowboy talks way too much in a cringe-worthy speech that has an American flag behind him
13:11 for no reason.
13:13 He puts his hand on his shoulder, so why does he do that when he's just gonna mock him afterwards?
13:18 Why doesn't the writer put Jem through misery instead?
13:22 Sabrina tries to reassure him, but fails, so that's a waste of time.
13:26 I don't feel like they have a good dynamic when he never really cares and gets reassured
13:31 by her successfully.
13:33 Or listens to her.
13:34 The episode makes me pity him with unnecessarily showing him get mocked again.
13:39 Sabrina uses magic to send something flying around to the room and hitting someone, causing
13:43 a patty to land on the floor, which causes ice cream to get sent on the bully.
13:48 We didn't see the impact, so that failed.
13:51 It's nice that he was laughed at, though.
13:53 Why did Sabrina do this so convolutedly?
13:56 She could have just created a patty on the floor to be tripped on.
14:02 Sabrina annoys me.
14:04 The episode in general does with boredom, but at least you get to see a pencil writing
14:08 no automatically.
14:10 Zelda says no one's ever allowed to use spooky, then why do they keep him around?
14:16 There needs to be an episode that explains that if they ever try to get rid of the spooky
14:20 jar, spooky just warps back to them.
14:23 Sabrina laughs shades, but what's the point of having cool magical powers if you can't
14:27 abuse them?
14:28 She wouldn't say abuse them.
14:31 Because she doesn't think of it that way.
14:33 If she was supposed to be evil, then it really would be better if she was as mild as her.
14:38 Salem says if she wants to help a mortal, use spooky.
14:42 Why does he ever say that?
14:44 Sabrina and her aunts have their own powers, and his spells always backfire.
14:48 And if we're constantly supposed to believe Hilda is fine with abusing magic and just
14:52 not Zelda, there's no reason to go to spooky instead of Hilda then.
14:58 I got tired of pointing out the plot hole with spooky a long time ago, but I wouldn't
15:02 be doing the review properly if I didn't.
15:06 Salem talks to someone, and he gets sued on him for a chemistry mistake.
15:10 Somehow, despite all of his experience potion making for probably centuries, why is Salem
15:18 turning to someone else for help when he has his own magic?
15:20 It must have been an executive decision that Salem doesn't have magic anymore, and I thought
15:27 they were going to turn to spooky for help.
15:29 This guy really doesn't want to help them.
15:31 Eventually, for a reason I couldn't gather, the newt does help Sabrina.
15:37 What if it takes so long to meet this newt just because he's small?
15:41 Who would name their kid Eye of Newt?
15:44 Without him changing his name afterwards.
15:47 He takes forever to make a perfume for.
15:50 None of these artifacts and potions don't have a catch.
15:55 Sabrina convinces Harvey to agree to try a perfume just for her.
15:59 The scary music already gives away that this will backfire.
16:03 Can the episode end then?
16:06 I've already seen stories where Sabrina uses magic to make Harvey more athletic.
16:12 I'd enjoy him calling Slugloaf fish bait more if it wasn't obvious that Slugloaf's not the
16:16 right guy to provoke.
16:18 It'd be better to experience if Sabrina thought before he started insulting him.
16:23 I'll just use magic on Slugloaf if he ever tries to bully Harvey again.
16:28 He also calls Slugloaf stupid.
16:30 I like seeing Harvey tackle him.
16:32 But what's the point if he does nothing interesting when I wanted to see him repeatedly hit him?
16:37 He eventually puts his arms behind him to make him say "Uncle".
16:41 I like that he tells Jem he doesn't have the time to hold her notebook.
16:45 Sabrina would just point to undo the spell on him after this.
16:48 Why can't she just summon the antidote?
16:52 Witches can summon things all the time without knowing the exact chemical makeup of it.
16:57 That's why she doesn't need to have a degree in chemistry to summon anything.
17:03 She annoys me by saying he was too mean to Jem.
17:06 What a hypocrite.
17:08 He asks her for more perfume and says "Musculin".
17:11 This is obviously meant to be a message against using steroids.
17:15 A kid would only get it if he already knew what steroids were.
17:20 And if you're allowed to show this through a magic perfume, why not use actual steroids?
17:25 Because it's not kid-friendly?
17:26 Then this is too adult of a message to tell in a little kids' show.
17:32 I'm sure they have anti-drug PSAs that are aimed at children.
17:37 It turns out the one-eyed newt misremembered something.
17:40 Somehow.
17:41 And he warns Sabrina that because Harvey is a kid, he might never be normal again if Sabrina
17:46 doesn't get something from her locker.
17:50 And Harvey bores me with an unnecessary scene to himself.
17:54 He damages the locker and turns into a purple Hulk.
17:58 Like in Sonic the Comic.
18:00 Hulk is copyrighted, and I don't think they should be allowed to get away with this just
18:04 because he turned purple instead of green.
18:07 What's the benefit in the story being lazy?
18:10 It feels like it was just there for a joke, but it's gnarly if we're supposed to take
18:14 it seriously.
18:15 A lot of the times the show thinks we're supposed to take it seriously and think it's funny
18:20 at the exact same time.
18:23 Harvey turns green anyways.
18:24 Why doesn't Sabrina just point to return him to normal?
18:28 Don't write a plot like this if you need to force it to last.
18:31 I understand the appeal of making this happen for the sake of having a memorable, exciting
18:36 climax.
18:37 But really, this is just there because there's plenty of time left in the episode.
18:44 It's always arbitrary that potions are immune to magic that's not from their antidote, which
18:48 has to be the case.
18:50 The roof gets damaged, and the episode keeps being scary.
18:54 Witches are omnipotent.
18:55 Why have a scary Sabrina show?
18:57 It only ever worked when it was being funny.
18:59 The episode's boring until Sabrina tells her aunts the truth.
19:03 Hilda somehow didn't know that there was a magic nute in the basement.
19:08 You'd think Quigley would've found out before her and then freaked out and told the aunts
19:12 about it because he's in charge of cleaning the entire house.
19:17 So I assume the nuke just moved here.
19:20 Because he lost his home and doesn't have magic to zap up a new home.
19:25 Zelda endangers Sabrina in telling her to remind Harvey of who he really is, without
19:29 saying "behind a floating screen."
19:32 But to be fair, Sabrina's magic is to protect her.
19:35 It's just that she's always too stupid to use it or use it the common sense way.
19:39 So in this show, she knows she needs adult supervision 24/7.
19:44 Why do I have to get shown the military ruining a building because of Sabrina?
19:49 And the mailman is still tied up in a web.
19:52 This writer is sadistic.
19:53 He would've gone to the bathroom in this web, he's been there so long.
19:57 Just because Sabrina tells Harvey to remember who she is, he says Sabrina and asks for more
20:02 spray.
20:03 Then why didn't he just say that in the first place?
20:06 How did it take so long to recognize her?
20:09 The aunts turn to a man for help for some reason, so the perfume gets sniffed and Harvey
20:14 gets lured to the house.
20:16 You'd think with all their experience with making potions, they would've made the antidote
20:20 themselves and the note misremembers things, so he's not better than them.
20:26 Harvey damages it and looks at the ends.
20:29 And the mailman somehow survived what would be a lethal injury.
20:33 Sabrina gets thrown, and that'd be from a lethal height.
20:36 Somehow she keeps asking for help when she could just use magic to save herself, since
20:41 she knows she can warp.
20:44 Harvey remembers his good times with her, so what took so long, and decides to save
20:47 her.
20:49 She at least realistically says ouch when she lands on his hand, but then she'd be way
20:53 more hurt than this.
20:56 Harvey remembers everything.
20:57 He says he's allergic to that good luck cologne, and she hugs him.
21:02 He has to know about magic.
21:04 He's way too casual about this.
21:07 He should be saying, "A mad scientist must've made this thing."
21:11 He quickly bitches, and at least he gets laughed at, but I don't get why.
21:15 Quickly may be right to hate magic in this show, but they want trick mains to like in
21:18 this bigot when the show just forces magic to always go wrong.
21:22 This episode is about how using steroids backfires, but it replaces steroids with a magic perfume
21:28 that Sabrina somehow used instead of just pointing to make Harvey a good wrestler when
21:32 using magic items always backfires.
21:37 It's good that the episode showed the real consequences of steroids before Harvey turned
21:41 into a dragon, and that happens because of a side effect of him being a preteen, not
21:46 because the potion itself was cursed.
21:49 But that side effect still felt arbitrary.
21:53 Once again, it demonizes magic and was forced, so it sucks.
21:57 You'd think the newt would've asked her, "Is Harvey a kid like you?" since that'd be common
22:03 sense.
22:04 It was cringe-worthy as soon as Harvey started being mean, but there's far worse episodes
22:09 of the show.
22:11 He may have had no reason to get told he's a preteen, but he should've assumed that because
22:16 a preteen is coming to him for help for a friend.
22:20 Of course, her friend is a preteen.
22:23 I'd have to assume he has a lot more experience with potion making than Hilda and Zelda, who
22:27 are over 600 years old since they turned to him for help for some reason.
22:31 (upbeat music)