In this episode of #CosmoChallenge, October 2023 cover star #PiaWurtzbach answers fan questions and gives honest, real, and relatable advice on life, love, and relationships. From topics like long-distance relationships, balancing motherhood and a career, to how to stop being a breadwinner, listen to Miss Universe 2015 share her thoughts.
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00:00 Hey everyone, I'm Pia and I'll be taking on the Cosmo Challenge while I'll be answering some of your common problems.
00:06 Okay, let's start.
00:11 Question number one or problem number one. I never had a good relationship with my dad.
00:17 He cheated on my mom and I resented him for it.
00:20 He left us when my siblings and I were young. Now my dad wants to reconnect.
00:26 I already forgave him, but I just believe that we don't have to be close again.
00:30 My relatives keep saying, "He's still your parent."
00:34 But I just don't think we need to be friends. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
00:37 The answer is no, it's not wrong for you to feel this way. You, your feelings are valid.
00:42 This is your experience and you don't feel like the connection is gonna be genuine.
00:49 So don't force it. It doesn't mean you're a bad daughter.
00:52 He made some decisions in his life earlier on while you were young and you've had to go through it on your own or go
00:59 through it with your mom or your, and your siblings and you were open to reconnect.
01:05 I think that's more than enough. Maybe in time you will find it more,
01:10 you'll find it more naturally, you'll find out that you want to have a deeper relationship with him again.
01:17 But if not, that's also okay. You don't have to be pressured by other people saying, "He's still your parent."
01:24 Or, "What? You know, that's a toxic way of thinking."
01:29 They don't know what your experiences were like.
01:32 So nobody can comment like that and don't mind it if they do. So just live your life, girl.
01:38 Number two, my boyfriend and I are talking about getting married and having children.
01:44 He brought up that he prefers that I stay at home and take care of the kids.
01:48 I told him I'd still like to pursue my career but he emphasized that mommy's care is different than grandma's.
01:55 I feel bad about his stance and I hope he changes his mind.
01:58 Am I the baddie because I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom?
02:01 Okay, good thing you're talking about getting married because this is a very important topic that you should cover before tying the knot.
02:10 What I call here are gender-based expectations of each other.
02:15 So this early on, he's already expecting you to stay at home and that's not what you want.
02:20 So this is a big red flag and this is something that you should really talk about
02:24 because this problem is gonna come when you get married and there's gonna be no escaping it.
02:31 Otherwise, you're gonna have to separate and you don't want to compromise yourself either.
02:37 So I agree that a mom's care is different than a grandma's
02:42 but it doesn't mean you have to put your career or yourself on hold.
02:45 So maybe you can find an in-between.
02:48 Talk about this first, this is so important.
02:51 I relate to you because I'm also a very career-driven woman
02:56 and I can't imagine myself only staying at home and taking care of the kids.
03:02 I would like to do both, I would like to have a career but also be present in my kids' life.
03:08 So this is a conversation that you need to have with him honestly and openly
03:15 and be ready to get a not a very favorable response and that's okay
03:22 because it's better if the truth comes out now than later or when it's too late.
03:28 Three, I always find myself stalking my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.
03:33 She's so beautiful, smart and my boyfriend's family is still close to her.
03:37 Oh, this is hard.
03:40 I really can't help but be insecure, please help.
03:42 Okay, that's hard.
03:43 I'm not gonna lie, if they're close to your boyfriend's ex, it's not really a bad thing
03:52 because their relationship is separate from your relationship with your boyfriend
03:57 but I get what you mean, how it's like awkward maybe.
04:01 I think your question here is like, how do you stop yourself from feeling insecure and always stalking?
04:08 Maybe reach out to her and be friends, especially if they didn't separate in bad terms.
04:17 You don't have to be like friends, friends but then just be civil so that you can get rid of your fear.
04:25 So reach out and be like, hey, it's Pia, for example, it's Pia.
04:31 I just don't want things to be awkward.
04:35 Would you want to go for a coffee or something?
04:38 Because if she has a close relationship with the family, it's better to get along
04:44 or at least have that civil connection rather than creating this wall and you feel like,
04:50 oh, she's the enemy.
04:52 And especially if your boyfriend is not interested in her anymore,
04:57 there's no need to feel doubt or insecurity.
05:01 So I think it'll make you the bigger person also.
05:05 So just reach out or close her family so that you're the queen.
05:11 I don't know if my advice is really good but you can do it, girl.
05:17 My friends and I are all in great jobs and relationships.
05:21 While I'm still single and stuck in a low-paying job,
05:24 I love what I do for work but sometimes I can't help but compare myself to my friends.
05:28 I also want to meet the one for me.
05:30 How do I overcome this?
05:31 Okay, so you're comparing yourself a lot to your...
05:35 So this feeling is coming from you being unhappy with where you are in your life
05:41 and you're just being emphasized because you're surrounded by people
05:45 who are happy with their jobs and their life and their income and their relationships.
05:51 Boyfriends, and stuff like that.
05:53 So it's not so much a "them" problem.
05:56 Sorry, but it's a "you" thing.
05:58 It's where you are in your life now and maybe you're projecting because...
06:02 You can't stop yourself from comparing yourself to them because they're happy and you're unhappy with yourself.
06:08 You need to properly sit down and really think about what's making you feel this way.
06:15 Do you still love your job?
06:17 Is this really something you like to pursue?
06:20 Should you maybe consider changing your career and pursue a passion?
06:23 Something new and exciting that will keep you...
06:27 Will make you happy?
06:28 Really, like if you're comparing yourself to others that means there's something happening to you
06:35 and the only way to fix it is you have to make some changes there.
06:41 The solution is not to cut ties with your friends or not to force things.
06:49 You know, you need to pursue your passion.
06:55 And the "the one" is not something you can find.
06:57 Where will that come from?
06:59 It's like a magnet.
07:00 When you're happy and you are content and you're glowing and you're just good to be around with,
07:06 you attract positive vibes and that also includes love.
07:12 So it will all come in due time.
07:15 Relax.
07:15 I'm pretty sure you're young.
07:17 Whoever sent this, you're still young.
07:20 That's true because even in the moments where I compared myself to others,
07:24 it's always because there's something within me that I was unhappy about.
07:28 It's not other people.
07:30 It's usually you or us.
07:33 Next one is, my fiancé and I are in an LDR but in a year's time we'll be married.
07:41 Oh congratulations.
07:43 How do we decide which location will be our forever home?
07:46 Girl, you should've talked about this a long time ago.
07:49 Okay.
07:49 For anyone who's just getting married, talk about the big things
07:55 and even the things that may not have happened yet or may possibly happen.
08:00 For example, where do you expect to live?
08:03 Are you gonna live in another country?
08:05 Is he going to go to you?
08:06 Are you going to go to him?
08:08 Are you gonna move into somewhere completely different?
08:11 This is something you have to talk about.
08:13 Now because it's gonna be a huge adjustment.
08:16 Either way, if he goes to you or you go to him,
08:19 you'll have someone to adjust to or you might end up living together.
08:22 And I hope you'll be able to live in even just for a bit.
08:27 Because if you're in an LDR and you're going to adjust,
08:31 you'll be living in another country,
08:33 and it's your first time to live in or to live together,
08:37 oh my gosh, you're already getting used to it.
08:39 There are still new little things that you learn about your partner
08:44 that you probably didn't know before.
08:46 Our car is being test-drived before you buy it, right?
08:49 Test-drive your relationship too.
08:51 So, test-drive it first.
08:54 Talk about it now before you tie the knot.
08:57 And not just where you're gonna live,
08:59 but what kind of job are you gonna have once you live together?
09:02 And even the really difficult questions like,
09:07 finances, you need to talk about that.
09:09 You need to talk about kids.
09:11 Do you want kids?
09:13 If yes, how many?
09:15 When?
09:16 What happens if one of you can't have kids?
09:20 What if you can't have kids?
09:23 Are you open for adoption?
09:25 Are you open to do IVF?
09:27 What if you have a miscarriage?
09:31 I know people are like, "Oh, don't say that."
09:33 No, but we gotta talk about it.
09:34 What if you don't want kids?
09:36 These are things you have to talk about.
09:39 Even the topics like, "Oh, don't say that."
09:43 Or this big topic also talk about,
09:47 what if one of your relatives or your parents
09:50 knock on wood and pass away?
09:52 What's the expectation?
09:54 How do you take care of the parent who will be left behind?
09:58 Are you gonna live with them?
10:00 Are they gonna live with you?
10:01 Who's gonna live with you?
10:02 Are you gonna live with them?
10:03 Are they gonna live with you?
10:04 Who's gonna take care of them?
10:06 'Cause that's inevitable.
10:07 One of these days, our parents are gonna go
10:11 and we're gonna have to take care of who's left
10:15 or your partner, people who are grieving,
10:20 things like that.
10:21 I know, I know.
10:22 It's like, "Oh my gosh, you're so morbid."
10:24 But those are the things you wanna talk about
10:26 while you're still in a good place.
10:28 'Cause if you're emotional,
10:30 and you're the one who's talking about it,
10:32 you won't make good decisions.
10:33 So the solutions have to be talked about now.
10:37 Okay, number six.
10:39 "I'm a breadwinner and I'm getting tired
10:43 of providing for my family
10:44 because I want to start a family
10:46 or even have a life of my own.
10:48 How do I open this topic to my parents and siblings?
10:52 Until when should I give?"
10:55 Oh my goodness.
10:56 This is tough.
10:58 A lot of Filipinos are breadwinners of their families
11:02 and it's hard to get used to it in a certain way.
11:06 And expect that there's gonna be a reaction.
11:09 Expect it.
11:11 Especially when they're used to a certain lifestyle
11:14 and you enabled it.
11:15 It's our fault as breadwinners.
11:17 So you need...
11:22 The only person who can fix this is you.
11:25 So you need to have the conversation with them
11:28 and you need to be honest and upfront.
11:30 You can also do it step by step.
11:32 Instead of completely cutting off financial support,
11:36 you can reduce it first.
11:38 Or maybe suggesting the idea that your siblings...
11:43 Is siblings right?
11:44 Yes, your siblings find the job of their own.
11:47 Or opening up the idea to your parents that...
11:51 "Ma or pa, I want to save money
11:55 because I also want to have my own family."
11:57 Think about it.
11:58 Then listen to it.
11:59 Start the conversation.
12:00 You don't have to shock them.
12:02 I don't think something like this will have a good reaction
12:05 if you just rip it off.
12:07 Like it has to be done slowly.
12:09 You taper off the support.
12:13 And it's not a bad thing.
12:16 It's not a selfish thing.
12:17 Breadwinners always have this guilt that...
12:20 "Oh, am I being selfish if I don't help anymore?"
12:25 Girl, in real life,
12:28 it's not our job to take care of everybody around us.
12:32 You just do it because you're kind, right?
12:35 And you love them, right?
12:37 But if you stop, that doesn't mean you're bad.
12:39 It's just like that.
12:41 Just remove the guilt in your mind.
12:43 And instead of giving financial support,
12:48 maybe you can offer opportunities instead.
12:51 They say, right?
12:53 "Teach a man..."
12:54 Oh, you already know that quote.
12:56 Until when do you really need to give?
12:59 As long as it's wholeheartedly.
13:01 When you start feeling trapped or start feeling bad
13:05 or when it starts feeling like a transaction,
13:08 then you know it's time to stop.
13:12 Or slowly stop.
13:14 You can do it.
13:15 It's gonna take a while but you can do it.
13:17 And it's for you, for your life, for your future.
13:20 And that's it for today.
13:23 So who do you want to be?
13:24 A Cosmo Challenge next?
13:26 Comment down below.
13:27 But please don't forget to like, share, and subscribe
13:31 to this Cosmo YouTube channel.
13:33 And give me a follow on my YouTube channel as well.
13:35 Bye!
13:37 [Music]