Stassi Schroeder has experienced major life moments on camera, so she’s got plenty of hot takes when it comes to dishing out advice. The TV personality and New York Times bestselling author gets candid in our new series, “If It Were Me,” offering her hilarious insight on real-life scenarios submitted by Cosmo readers. Watch as Stassi tackles everything from immediately ending a marriage over her partner’s For You Page to warning against using hot sauce before things get spicy. Plus, she learns what having a “body count” really means and is not here for any guy wearing a flip-flop when they're not at the beach.
Order Stassi’s book ‘You Can't Have It All: The Basic B!tch Guide To Taking The Pressure Off’ here: https://www.stassischroeder.com/book/
#StassiSchroeder #IfItWereMe #Cosmopollitan
Order Stassi’s book ‘You Can't Have It All: The Basic B!tch Guide To Taking The Pressure Off’ here: https://www.stassischroeder.com/book/
#StassiSchroeder #IfItWereMe #Cosmopollitan
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PeopleTranscript
00:00Is he the one, or were all my exes just bad in bed?
00:03All your exes were bad in bed.
00:05Literally, that's it.
00:06Hi, I'm Stassi Schroeder,
00:07and this is If It Were Me with Cosmo.
00:12So today, I'm going through some real life scenarios
00:15from Cosmo readers,
00:16and I'm gonna tell you how I would handle them.
00:18Are these like really real?
00:19Yeah.
00:20Okay, ready?
00:22The crummy ex.
00:24My ex, who I still have feelings for,
00:26loves to breadcrumb me along
00:28and will text me noncommittal messages
00:30when he wants a quick hookup.
00:31It's like the age old story.
00:33You know, like everyone's gone through this.
00:35Am I lame for always giving in,
00:36or should I cut him off once and for all?
00:39You gotta go through this.
00:41I mean, we all do.
00:42Everyone goes through the breadcrumbing dude.
00:44You can keep letting him breadcrumb you for like,
00:46I'll give you another six months,
00:48but then it's like, just like cut it off.
00:50What are you doing?
00:51If you like me, you would ask to see me.
00:54This is why I always tell my friends this.
00:56If he wanted to, he would.
01:00The scorekeeper.
01:01The guy I've been seeing for five months
01:03casually mentioned his body count.
01:06What is that?
01:08How many people have you slept with?
01:09Oh my God, I didn't know that that's like the name for it.
01:12I thought this was like some sort of like
01:14metabolic rate number, like something with your body.
01:18Okay.
01:19The guy I've been seeing for five months
01:21casually mentioned his body count
01:24when we were talking about past relationships.
01:26To say I was shocked would be an understatement.
01:29Am I a prude to let it bother me?
01:34It's like, you know, personal preference,
01:36but I just feel like that must mean
01:39that he's had a lot of practice
01:40and will know what he's doing
01:42when you finally get to be with him.
01:44If you wanna around, you wanna around.
01:46Like where I have an issue is when it's like,
01:49you're cheating, you know?
01:51But if someone wants to be single
01:52and just like have sex with whoever they want
01:54and like rack up their body count number, like, okay.
01:57Like, good on you.
02:00The thirsty guy.
02:02My boyfriend barely posts on Instagram,
02:04but whenever I catch a glimpse at his For You page,
02:10it's always hot girls in bikinis.
02:12Do I call out his browsing habits
02:14or let him doom scroll through the gorgeous women?
02:18You call him out.
02:20The way I would end a relationship.
02:22I would end a marriage.
02:26If I looked at Beau's For You page
02:28and it was nothing but girls in bikinis, I'd be done.
02:32It's disrespectful.
02:34It's, you know what?
02:35No.
02:35Imagine if I, my For You page,
02:38was nothing but shirtless hot dudes all oiled up.
02:45Well, my hands would start shaking
02:46and I wouldn't be able to control myself
02:48and I would probably throw the phone
02:49and say, what the is this?
02:51What the is this?
02:52It would be a major fight.
02:53It would be like a huge dark passenger-y moment
02:55if I discovered.
02:56I wouldn't be able to just like calmly plan my like attack.
03:00Like I couldn't do that.
03:01Like, I don't know.
03:02No, I can't do things like that.
03:05In flight ick.
03:07Every time we're on a plane,
03:08my boyfriend will order apple juice.
03:12What?
03:13Serial killer.
03:16But only when we're on planes.
03:18It gives me such an ick.
03:20Do I let him enjoy his in-flight drink
03:22or make him order something else?
03:23Make him order something else.
03:24Like, I would be so embarrassed
03:29if I was sitting next to my husband
03:31and he just looked over at the flight attendant
03:34and was like, can I have some apple juice, please?
03:37What is the biggest ick that's like this
03:40that you've ever seen in a guy?
03:41I can't stand a flip-flop unless you're on the beach.
03:45Like when a guy wears a flip-flop
03:49and he is not on vacay.
03:51Get out of here.
03:52The spice girl.
03:54After a guy cooked me dinner,
03:56we got naked and he started stroking my nether regions.
03:59I felt a burning sensation.
04:01It's hot sauce, isn't it?
04:02I knew it.
04:03I felt a burning sensation
04:05and realized it was the spicy peppers from our meal.
04:07Should I flee his place and never text him again
04:10or brush it off and drag him in the shower with me?
04:13You gotta say no to the Cholula, you know?
04:16No to the Cholula.
04:17Like, come on.
04:18But if you like him, bring him in the shower
04:20and say, no more Tapatio.
04:22Like, why would you not?
04:23Why would you not what?
04:24Use Tapatio on your vagina?
04:27More like, why would you not say something?
04:31You're so right.
04:33Like, why didn't she say something?
04:36My vagina is on fire.
04:38Like, it must be the hot sauce.
04:41She should have spoke up.
04:43I hope she sees this.
04:44The standup.
04:46I missed my friend's comedy show
04:47because I was hooking up with this guy
04:49I've been crushing on for weeks.
04:51I made up a lie, but it's eating away at me
04:53because she was really disappointed.
04:55Should I tell her the truth?
04:57Yes.
04:58The truth will set you free.
04:59Like, lies only make you feel worse.
05:01And then it builds
05:02and then you remember it periodically throughout the day.
05:04And then you can't go on and enjoy the rest of your life.
05:06All of a sudden,
05:07you realize that like six months has gone by.
05:09You've been living a miserable life
05:10because you have this little lie
05:11that's in the back of your head.
05:13Always tell the truth.
05:15Do you feel like the truth
05:15is always gonna come out no matter what?
05:17There are people who like bury dead bodies
05:19and we never find them.
05:20So technically the truth doesn't always come out,
05:23but it does make you feel better.
05:27The Tinder triumph.
05:29The first time I finished during sex
05:31was with a random guy I met on Tinder.
05:33Is he the one or were all my exes just bad in bed?
05:36All your exes were bad in bed.
05:38Literally, that's it.
05:40Like, that's it.
05:41I'm so sorry.
05:42What advice would you give her?
05:44The second that you fake something or you pretend,
05:48then that becomes the norm.
05:49Then you have to do it the next time
05:51and the next time and pretend the next time.
05:53That needs to be a rule.
05:54Everyone in this room listening,
05:56don't ever pretend.
05:58Not one time because then it'll happen again.
06:04Steamy grief.
06:06I had sex in the car with my extremely hot guy friend
06:09on the day of his dad's funeral.
06:11Am I a horrible person
06:12or do some people just grieve in horny ways?
06:14You're not the one grieving,
06:15so like, you're not the weirdo.
06:18Does grief meet people?
06:19Not me.
06:20Is that like a thing?
06:22You guys work at Cosmo.
06:23Is that a thing?
06:24I would feel so guilty.
06:26I'd feel like the ghost was with me.
06:28Have some respect for the dead.
06:32Okay?
06:34The first mate.
06:36My coworker and I have been hooking up after work
06:39for the past two months.
06:40He asked me to wear a remote control vibrator
06:43to the office and let him steer the ship all day.
06:46Am I out of my mind for considering it?
06:48No, that sounds fun.
06:49Go do it.
06:50There's like, there's like nothing
06:51like having a work flirtation.
06:55Like I remember that.
06:56I remember those days.
06:57It gives you something to look forward to
06:58when you're just like bored at work.
07:00Like, yeah, go get on with it.
07:01Like, you know what?
07:02Yo, Lo, you only live once.
07:06We need to bring that back around.
07:08Okay?
07:10Now it's time for the rapid round.
07:13Block your ex on all platforms
07:15or stalk him on everything.
07:17Block him.
07:18But like, it's really fun to stalk sometimes, but block.
07:20Receive a sexy text or a romantic love note.
07:23Romantic love note.
07:24I'm 36.
07:26Morning sex or late night sex?
07:27Morning sex.
07:28I hate having sex at night.
07:29Your friend hooks up with your ex.
07:31Do you drop her or let it go?
07:34Been there.
07:36Tried to drop them.
07:38It came back.
07:39Mile high club or blue light club?
07:41What is the blue light club?
07:43On a train.
07:44Oh, train.
07:46Definitely.
07:46Like, no question.
07:48That sounds fun.
07:49Okay, that's it.
07:50Thanks for watching.
07:52If you want more of my, you know, hot takes on things,
07:55you can go buy my book.
07:57You Can't Have It All
07:58because you can't have it all.
07:59Sorry.
08:08You can't have it all.