Best of Barstool Pizza Reviews 2023
El Presidente | Pizza Reviews
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00:00 All right, pizza view time.
00:02 I'm sensing a big score.
00:05 I left it all in the field.
00:09 Fuck you! Fuck you!
00:13 It's a public street, you motherfucker!
00:15 No pressure. He said his entire livelihood depends on this score. 7-9.
00:22 I actually didn't make my first pizza until about eight months ago.
00:25 Family affair, dad, daughter, wife, you want to be a songwriter, ends up doing pizza for 40 years.
00:30 My friends are like, "Hey Dave, why are you getting fat? I'd like to see you do this and look like me.
00:34 I look like a supermodel compared to what I make."
00:36 I've been told you're favorite sometimes before. I think it's a compliment from me, man.
00:40 Fucking damn right it's a compliment for you.
00:42 They say, "Dave, yeah, you don't feel good today. Think about the little Jimmy and the little Joe.
00:46 Grab your nuts, stick 'em on, and go review a pizza."
00:49 Thank you for coming. I've been wanting this for the longest time.
00:51 It's like 9pm, she's still in the store churning out pizza. That tugs at my heartstrings.
00:56 Yeah, it's just about my favorite I've had in Phoenix.
00:58 That's awesome, man.
00:59 I'm glad because you're one of the nicer people I've ever met.
01:02 Too happy for me, I'm a miserable fuck.
01:03 Best in Arkansas I've heard? 8-7.
01:06 [Cheering]
01:08 My name is Chris.
01:09 Where'd you come from, the woods? I don't know where Chris came from.
01:11 Sup, Chris?
01:12 Come on, put the box properly. Sit down, lady.
01:14 I'm getting absolutely pushed around the rink by Chris.
01:16 This is a done and done punch, I feel.
01:19 Give me chills.
01:20 You just put that up?
01:21 I've had it up for a long time.
01:22 It does New Haven justice. 8-4.
01:25 Ah! Hold on. Why do you have Patrick Mahomes on there?
01:27 Because I like him.
01:28 I have more Super Bowl rings than you have years of life.
01:31 Can you follow me on TikTok?
01:32 Wait, do you have home?
01:33 Alright, talk to me.
01:34 He doesn't know what he talks about.
01:35 This kid's an idiot.
01:36 This is the best chain pizza I've ever had.
01:38 You told me this was some guy in there, I don't know, Luigi? He could've got the 8s.
01:41 Is this a chain?
01:42 No.
01:43 I don't know what the hell's going on.
01:44 This is one of the strangest reviews I've ever had.
01:46 I don't even know what you're saying. I'm laughing to myself.
01:48 This is definitely like an 8.
01:50 How you doing? How we see you, man?
01:52 Can I pay for it?
01:53 No, you can't.
01:54 I'm like, what's this sign about?
01:55 He's like, you don't like it? Let's smash it.
01:56 For the new thing.
01:58 Honestly, I don't even care.
02:04 Ciao.
02:05 Uh...
02:06 Ciao.
02:08 Italy Day, back in action.
02:09 Ciao.
02:10 Scusi.
02:10 The meat.
02:11 The pizza.
02:11 I'll bring you to that city.
02:12 6-9, because I look like sex.
02:14 Don't get me wrong, I've eaten a lot of food.
02:16 Are you kidding me with those church bells right now?
02:19 It's like God is reaching out, touching me on the shoulder and saying,
02:21 "You did it, big man. You found the pizza place at the end of this journey."
02:24 Some random kid DM'd me the screenshot of a pizza named after me.
02:28 He's been waiting for it since he opened, two years, for me to come in.
02:31 When you put me on, I don't want to be interviewed.
02:32 I'm an undercover influencer.
02:34 I don't want that put...
02:35 I know, I'm telling you.
02:36 This is how I like my pizza.
02:40 8-1.
02:41 We're actually doing New Haven pizza tonight.
02:43 Shut up.
02:43 I put this at 8-4.
02:44 Two different styles. Killed them both.
02:46 I think you're a pizza genius.
02:48 No.
02:48 That's a very nice view.
02:49 Good quality cheese.
02:50 Where the peppies are getting hollier.
02:52 Another shot?
02:52 Kind of.
02:53 How long you've won on this guy?
02:54 Not because they're muscling me and trying to, you know, influence the score.
02:57 You just went and got yourself a side pie because you didn't like the pie?
03:00 Is that what happened?
03:01 I got pissed off at the party line.
03:03 Are you Johnny Munch?
03:04 Hell, that's a dang thing.
03:05 Are you Johnny Munch?
03:07 When you eat a pizza and your hand looks like that,
03:08 you can almost guarantee that you have a New Haven pie.
03:11 This guy's getting a beautiful tan.
03:12 I thought you were dead for a minute.
03:13 I was.
03:14 You're just getting...
03:15 Just soaking in the rays here.
03:17 Italian sud-fat.
03:18 You never know who you're going to meet in the streets of Brooklyn, New York.
03:21 It's what makes the pizza reviews so great.
03:23 Hold on one second.
03:25 What kind of business is going on there?
03:27 Somebody tried to scam me from Nigeria one time, but I'm a street guy.
03:31 That painting don't go out unless the cash comes in.
03:33 I'm in pizza like history, pizza magic.
03:35 The bald guy making the pizza, he didn't give a fuck that I was there.
03:40 Won 9-1.
03:41 That was God's hand opening that box for me.
03:44 8-5.
03:45 Mr. Newton, score.
03:46 Show me your 2021 high-five size number four.
03:49 There's Bellucci.
03:50 That's the old Bellucci.
03:51 They're both called Bellucci.
03:52 The new Bellucci's called Adam Bellucci.
03:54 What's the old one called?
03:54 Bellucci's.
03:55 What's the new one called?
03:56 He's on first, I don't know who's on third.
03:57 I'm listening to it because it looks like a pizza guy I trust pizza from, but...
04:00 What are you trying to say, Dave? You bastard!
04:02 [laughter]
04:05 This is a round ball of dope.
04:07 Guess Frankie appearance.
04:08 I got the chills again, being back around the pizza reviews.
04:11 I missed it.
04:12 Fatima came out last time.
04:14 5-8.
04:14 I'm glad you're here. Nice to meet you.
04:16 Oh, really?
04:17 It's so much crispier.
04:19 It's a 7-3.
04:20 Big old pie, huh?
04:21 Bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee.
04:27 Handled that.
04:30 Okay.
04:31 We do food reviews.
04:32 I would have given this round to Frankie.
04:34 No, you wouldn't.
04:35 Can I give you another question?
04:36 Let's try again.
04:37 Let's start it over.
04:38 How old is the worker?
04:39 The worker?
04:40 She's a good girl.
04:41 8-2.
04:43 I love the family.
04:44 They've been here 40 years.
04:46 That is not a Dave Portnoy-type style pizza.
04:48 Do not care.
04:49 Love the people.
04:50 Love the place.
04:51 Big man, bro.
04:52 I got a sweet thing left for me out here.
04:54 What sweet thing?
04:54 It's like royalty in this shitty little city.
04:55 Don Burch Way.
04:56 And that your name is Don Burke?
04:58 Yeah, Don Burch.
04:59 Yeah, yeah, we gotta step it up, man.
05:00 Shit's evolving.
05:01 Ooh, sorry about that.
05:02 That's okay.
05:02 Flank line, I'm fucked up.
05:03 Shit's going in line.
05:04 Shit's going in line?
05:05 Yeah, yeah, can't see it.
05:06 Yeah, yeah, no, I believe it.
05:07 My jaw's about to start swinging, but I'm out of here.
05:09 Yo, dad, you know who the fuck this is?
05:11 That's my dad.
05:11 I don't remember him.
05:13 You can speed through here, do whatever you want here.
05:15 Just drop your name?
05:16 Hell no.
05:16 Don't ever name drop.
05:18 Not a move.
05:19 Savages out here.
05:20 It's connected.
05:21 Bull is, looks like he got attacked by a raccoon.
05:23 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:24 Don't ever put me up.
05:25 I'm in the witness protection program.
05:26 We're doing reviews.
05:27 I can't.
05:28 Why?
05:28 Because they're going to come after me.
05:30 I've reviewed Sauce before.
05:32 It gave a gigantic score.
05:33 There was an article in Slate.
05:35 Chief of Staff of Sauce is like, I fucking hate Rose,
05:37 and I hate Barstool.
05:38 It still may be great pizza, although that flop was nowhere
05:41 to be found first time around.
05:43 This is a 7-3 pizza.
05:44 Call me shitty in Slate magazine.
05:45 You're shitty.
05:46 A large order is beautiful.
05:48 It's green and white.
05:50 I love that for myself.
05:51 We had Kenji yesterday.
05:52 That guy's a piece of shit.
05:53 He's the owner.
05:54 I'm not speaking on his behalf.
05:55 Fuck you, Kenji.
05:56 You're not welcome here.
05:57 They have this sticking in their window.
05:59 Don't start making his pizza without calling us.
06:01 The Dave Portnoy protocol.
06:02 He's crying.
06:03 He's like, you came the one time I made pizza.
06:05 I never made a pizza.
06:06 He brings his own box.
06:07 So you bring your own box every time?
06:09 He brings it back every time.
06:10 I never have a box of it.
06:11 My name is Dom of the Year.
06:12 What does Dom of the Year mean?
06:13 Dom, my name is Dom.
06:14 Yup.
06:14 Made of VX.
06:15 Enjoy your pizza as any customer,
06:17 but I don't appreciate what you do,
06:18 coming in and judging a business with one bite.
06:20 Now I can say it peacefully, this pizza's trash.
06:22 Let me be a little clearer.
06:24 Move on.
06:24 Don't stand in front of my business.
06:25 Let me be clear.
06:26 Fuck you.
06:27 Let me be clear.
06:27 Fuck you.
06:28 Get the fuck out of front of my business.
06:29 Fuck you.
06:30 Dom of the Year.
06:31 It's a public street, you motherfucker.
06:32 Your shirt's six sizes too small.
06:34 I don't care.
06:35 I will tolerate your fucking joke.
06:37 Oh, you work hard?
06:38 Yeah, maybe.
06:38 [INAUDIBLE]
06:41 Clown.
06:42 I love Million Dollars Worth It game.
06:43 Have you checked out Port of Elliott?
06:45 I did.
06:45 OK.
06:46 Very good.
06:46 Yeah.
06:47 Whoa.
06:48 Yup.
06:48 That's awesome.
06:49 We are in Portland, Maine.
06:51 Yummy in my tummy.
06:52 Eight-four, I love it.
06:53 They're going absolutely ham in the background.
06:56 I've never been on a main for a famous person.
06:59 Tough start to the famous person streak.
07:01 Pizziolo's better.
07:03 He just said Pizziolo's better.
07:05 Pizzolo.
07:06 Pizziolo.
07:06 Pizzaiolo.
07:07 Pizziolo.
07:08 Seven-five.
07:09 The girl was right.
07:09 Point either on a lobster boat.
07:11 It was a lobster boat.
07:11 Now it's a boat.
07:12 So we're on the back of a former lobster boat.
07:14 Now just a boat.
07:15 Because I can definitely--
07:16 It's artisanal.
07:17 You don't agree with that?
07:18 I'm going to go seven-nine.
07:19 We already reviewed this place.
07:21 My man Anthony was stalking.
07:23 Welling up.
07:23 He was like, come back.
07:24 I need to tell the story.
07:25 He felt like the original review,
07:27 he didn't give you enough credit.
07:28 That was the reason that I thought--
07:30 that almost made me tear up.
07:32 I'm biting the score.
07:34 Oh, my god.
07:35 It's good.
07:36 This is a shame.
07:37 And I'm about to go give me a slice of pussy
07:39 when everything ain't good.
07:40 All right.
07:41 What'd she say?
07:44 She's going to get a slice of pussy when it's done?
07:46 Is that what she said?
07:47 It's Taylor Swift and Chrissy's pizzas right now.
07:49 Those are the two hardest things to get in the world.
07:51 Scotty Bags.
07:51 Scotty Bags?
07:52 Yeah, yeah.
07:53 I got the nickname Bags from selling handbags.
07:55 Is that a scream mask?
07:56 Two months ago, I was up selling drugs.
07:57 I can't really remind me all life, you know what I mean?
07:59 But she's going to punish me all the time.
08:01 Yeah.
08:02 Yeah, it's your mother you get punished.
08:03 That's why I moved out too.
08:04 Roma Pizza, 93 years old.
08:06 They showed the picture of his granddad.
08:08 He wore like a suit every day.
08:10 Pizza Finici isn't real.
08:12 It's one of those--
08:14 what is that?
08:15 Artsy, looks good type places, but then they're
08:17 never open when you go there.
08:19 What did that quote say out there that you blacked out?
08:22 [INAUDIBLE]
08:23 Bullshit.
08:23 That's a hard-- that's what it was.
08:25 He's like, I know what you're going to score.
08:26 1, 2, 3, 7, 6.
08:30 OK.
08:31 OK.
08:32 8, 3.
08:32 I don't know what else to say.
08:33 I love it.
08:34 Put the pizza in your mouth.
08:35 You're right.
08:36 You are so cute.
08:37 They're nicer than me.
08:38 I don't think they're going to be around.
08:39 Austin, I don't know what the fuck you're
08:40 doing picking this place.
08:41 What the fuck, bro?
08:42 How could you ever pick this place?
08:44 This is one of your lowest moments.
08:45 People would have crucified me if I was in Lake Geneva
08:48 and didn't try Next Door Pub.
08:49 And you tried to keep me from it, Austin.
08:51 You did.
08:51 I may give it just a high 9 just to spite you
08:54 for trying to make me look like an idiot in my field of work.
08:57 You guys got enough alcohol?
08:58 [LAUGHTER]
09:00 I felt like Superman or something.
09:02 The guy in there, he's calling me cuz.
09:04 We'll tell you how we meet it, cuz.
09:05 Nice to meet you.
09:06 That's my sweetheart.
09:07 We've been married 25 years.
09:08 [INAUDIBLE]
09:10 Yeah, I will.
09:11 They're just happy fucking people.
09:13 And actually give you faith in humanity.
09:15 It's the guy.
09:17 You don't need car stallion signals
09:19 when you're just running it up their face for fucking 75 yards.
09:23 Get out of the way.
09:24 Now, do you think he hated me or you thought I was in the way?
09:29 Maybe both.
09:30 Yes.
09:30 Worth it.
09:31 When you think pizza and my legacy,
09:33 and you think Dave Port and what he does in one bite,
09:35 this is what I want my pizzas to look like.
09:37 Eight-four.
09:38 Joni is challenged for it.
09:39 Not good, not great, spectacular.
09:42 I don't--
09:42 Take it.
09:43 Are you sure?
09:43 I don't want to--
09:44 I'm positive.
09:44 I think there's a tiny bit more crisp.
09:46 Oh, yes.
09:46 They're pumping them out fast.
09:48 Eight-one.
09:49 Fine.
09:49 You bullied me.
09:50 Merry Christmas.
09:51 You too.
09:51 Oh, she can't say Merry Christmas.
09:53 Didn't have the heart to be like him a Jew.
09:56 (whooshing)
09:58 (whooshing)