Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series Episode 64
00:03 It starts by boring me and ripping off James Bond.
00:07 I don't recognize these characters, so I don't care about the story until I see Harvey.
00:11 If this is seriously gonna waste the whole episode plagiarizing James Bond...
00:16 Oh good, it's not the whole episode.
00:18 Harvey was just dreaming.
00:20 He's able enough to jump on Sabrina's bed when she's just waking up.
00:25 He wants her to go to a spy movie with him.
00:28 She again has no good chemistry with him by not caring about him raving about a movie.
00:33 He didn't even let her stop for breakfast.
00:36 He says there's no point to living without this new movie he has to wait just a week for.
00:41 He's always bouncing between different franchises he's obsessed with.
00:45 What does she see in him?
00:47 He cares about everything but her.
00:49 What if they hear her and Salem talk in the next room?
00:52 The ants are gonna take karate lessons.
00:55 Zelda wastes time telling her because magic isn't the solution for everything...
00:59 ...and that Harvey needs to grow up and learn to deal with disappointment.
01:03 She uses magic, and finally I see Sabrina indirectly call out the ants on being hypocrites.
01:09 And I see Zelda react and say, "Do as I say, not as I do."
01:13 Why is Sabrina trusting Spooky?
01:16 And it doesn't matter that she's whispering, he'd still look at her and walk over to her.
01:21 And she stops whispering anyways.
01:23 She wants Spooky to make the spy movie release in theaters again earlier.
01:28 I have to assume that she's warped to Spooky's dimension for a bit.
01:32 How insecure is she she thinks she can't do this herself?
01:35 She doesn't even say that.
01:37 Spooky changes the whole world to be like the spy movie out of sadism.
01:42 Harvey asks why he's in a suit along with Sabrina.
01:46 He tells her to finish the movie to finish the spell.
01:49 Harvey would hear this.
01:51 I've never watched a James Bond movie, does it have a lot of violence in it?
01:55 She better hope it's a G-rated version of it.
01:59 Then he gets scared of seeing scientists in a huge room behind the fridge.
02:04 Harvey doesn't care that Sabrina's being mad at her cookie jar.
02:08 So why doesn't Sabrina ever use magic on Spooky until he reverses the spell?
02:13 I assume she just doesn't want to deal with him using magic on her.
02:17 But then she could just tell her ants what he did to her.
02:20 They never punish her for using it.
02:23 Hilda used it herself.
02:25 They run away scared from paintballs and Hug.
02:28 Harvey uses an umbrella to bounce it back.
02:31 At least the paintball is creative.
02:34 Then the writer makes the guys using a hose get tied up.
02:38 Harvey says this is a dream.
02:40 And quickly it's being used to give them exposition that they need to stop an organization of bad guys.
02:46 They stand on a manhole cover that takes an inexplicably long time to fall down like an elevator.
02:53 I really, seriously do not care about the story.
02:57 The only way it could have been exciting was if Sabrina was constantly using magic.
03:02 Why is Harvey being with her ruining it?
03:05 He thinks this is a dream.
03:07 So she would have thought she could get away with revealing she's a witch.
03:11 I guess she thinks that he'd still be terrified of her.
03:14 And this is totally not worth experiencing for a few seconds just to have the spy movie get finished much earlier.
03:20 The exposition is too boring to be memorable.
03:23 Do they have to get a MacGuffin?
03:25 Then Sabrina should just warp it to her to end the movie.
03:29 Same goes if you replace MacGuffin with person.
03:33 Gadgets get shown off, but the heroes don't need them to be used to survive.
03:38 They have plot armor.
03:40 At least the effects are interesting.
03:42 It sure would be lame if they never used those gadgets, though.
03:46 Harvey's given something useless, and Quake somehow thinks he'd get to use it in a rare situation.
03:52 That logic could be used to justify him saddling him with any object.
03:57 Then the story gets boring with nothing happening and cringey when a square dance with a lame singer starts happening.
04:04 I know padding.
04:06 Sabrina gets glared at by the audience, and they're threatened by her aunt who wastes time doing lame poses, so Sabrina lampshades it.
04:14 What was the point of Spooky getting her aunt involved in this?
04:18 I guess for extra sadism.
04:20 But if you really wanted to be sadistic, you would've had her aunt actually fight her.
04:25 And we get to see her punch them.
04:27 Why didn't he have Quakely fight Sabrina?
04:31 Harvey makes a pathetic excuse that it'd be lame if the fight scene didn't last very long to excuse all the lame poses.
04:38 But this isn't a fight scene because they aren't attacking anyone.
04:42 She also wastes time telling Salem he's under a spell, but he doesn't trust her enough to believe her, naturally because she doesn't explain what spell.
04:51 Why doesn't she brainwash him?
04:53 And Sabrina tells Salem with bad acting something that interests him.
04:58 So I assume that she wants her stuff to be taken.
05:01 Sleeping Gas knocks her out, and she and Harvey get stuck in a giant litter box.
05:06 I hate this episode.
05:08 What's the point if she's barely gonna use magic?
05:11 I wonder if this plot was stolen from something beat for beat.
05:15 But with a trap placed with kitty litter.
05:18 Even Sabrina knows about the James Bond stupidity trope already.
05:23 And Salem plays it straight because Spooky wanted it to be a James Bond movie to the letter.
05:28 At least the story wants to parody James Bond by mocking it a few times.
05:33 But it's not much of a mockery if it keeps playing it straight instead of subverting it to be interesting.
05:39 Sabrina uses the chicken whistle to summon chickens and save their lives.
05:44 Checkum's guns are always good, but I have to assume it's a magic chicken whistle because there's no reason the chickens would just appear.
05:53 They're not near a chicken farm.
05:55 They weren't being followed by chickens the whole time or people would have commented on it.
05:59 Smoke happens because of damage to the control panel, and Sabrina puts a bucket over a grunt.
06:06 And Salem rides off in a horse carriage.
06:09 Sabrina throws something to cause the horse to freak out and Salem to get thrown into the sky.
06:15 Again, slapstick with no shown impact.
06:19 I would have gotten to thoroughly enjoy the portrayal of him as the villain if I got to see tons of slapstick.
06:25 Harvey grabbing Salem without getting to hit him returns the world to normal.
06:30 And Sabrina plays dumb and Harvey tries moving the fridge.
06:34 Wanting to get his memory conveniently erased.
06:37 Oh, spooky statistics, that's why.
06:40 But his memory got conveniently erased instantly after he was sent out of the alien spaceship.
06:46 He's so scared he'd rather play outside than watch the spy movie quickly was going to get him to watch.
06:52 So even though they went through a scary experience, it was worth it.
06:57 He feels better about the spy movie not being released yet, so spooky spell got her exactly what she wanted.
07:04 That's a twist.
07:07 This agonizingly boring episode rips off James Bond the whole way through, just like Ken Pender's James Bond story.
07:14 Which had the benefit of being an actual action series where the setting could be anything for all I care.
07:20 And of being a short story.
07:23 This took forever and Sabrina had no reason to trust spooky to make Harvey's favorite movie come out again sooner.
07:30 I admit that I did appreciate the interesting things about the episode, like the way the heroes triumphed and the gadgets.
07:37 If the goal was always to stop Salem, she would've simply warped Salem to her and grabbed him.
07:43 The story's written by a better writer than the writers of James Bond films because it references and mocks the cliches of them.
07:50 But I don't find it interesting because I'm not a James Bond fan.
07:54 Maybe it'd be a good episode to someone who is.
07:57 But it's still bad because it only happens to demonize magic and it takes too long.
08:02 Barely even using magic.
08:04 Zelda explained the moral of the story that you should let someone put up with disappointment until it passes.
08:11 But I don't find it convincing.
08:13 Especially since Harvey stopped being disappointed that the spy movie wasn't released yet at the end of the episode.
08:19 So the spell worked.
08:21 There was nothing wrong with Sabrina wanting to get a movie released earlier.
08:26 Oh no, people get money earlier.
08:29 The only reason Sabrina's plan to use magic backfired was because of Spooky totally disobeying her order and putting her through a scary experience.
08:36 If he can do that, why does he ever get trusted?
08:39 Why does he think he can get away with this?
08:41 Why does he make it rain frogs on the person or something every time instead of giving them what they want, even a little bit?
08:47 The episode could've been all a dream of Harvey's for all it mattered.
08:50 This writer didn't want to write a Sabrina story.
08:53 The most disappointing thing about it is that Sabrina didn't get a real satisfying fight scene with any of the annoying members of her family.
09:01 I get making Quigley "Q" because his name starts with "Q".
09:07 Wouldn't it be cool if he got brainwashed into fighting her by the villain?
09:12 Then it could be explained that Quigley's immune to magic.
09:15 Why was the slapstick against Salem completely off screen?
09:18 What's the point of using Sabrina's family then?
09:21 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 65.
09:25 I'm tortured to happen to listen to a musician with a bad voice singing in front of bored people at a club Sabrina's at.
09:33 And blatantly unrealistic people show up that look like monsters.
09:37 Sabrina and Chloe would know they're vampires.
09:41 He has his eyes turn red and Slugloaf says "vampire" and drops stuff and runs.
09:47 Unrealistically screaming for his mother.
09:50 Why doesn't Sabrina instantly turn these vampires to stone?
09:54 They're evil because they're fine with scaring immortals so they don't want to keep magic a secret.
10:00 They'd be turning into frogs since Sabrina would tell Enchantra why she did it if she even found out.
10:06 I assume the reason Slugloaf is also here is that they're here on a field trip.
10:10 And since when do people have field trips to karaoke club at 12?
10:15 I just don't see the educational value in it.
10:18 These vampires are good singers so they deserve the applause.
10:22 They turn into bats to scare people out of the building.
10:26 So they want to make them happy just to get an ego boost not because they have empathy.
10:31 They're friends of Sabrina's aunts from the 1460s.
10:35 But the way they're dressed reminds me of the 20s.
10:38 Their hats!
10:40 We hear some fighting noises but one of the vampires left healed at the altar for another woman.
10:46 Which is why she was mad enough to summon a piano to land on him.
10:49 And as we were told she can't kill someone who's already dead.
10:53 I guess he heals really fast.
10:56 Why didn't she turn him into an inanimate object which is her spy gun?
11:00 I guess she assumes that if she did something that would kill him, which she could easily do,
11:07 someone who knew him would file a missing persons report and someone would know to go to Hilda.
11:12 She's just being paranoid.
11:14 Zelda tells them Hilda just ordered six pizzas with garlic which scares them even though that wasn't always the case in vampire fiction.
11:22 So it's just a wild coincidence that's accurate.
11:26 Soma says there's no way Hilda will help him do this job.
11:30 Sabrina was right across the staircase.
11:33 She would have heard them talking like they want Hilda to commit a crime.
11:37 It would make sense if she always knew but didn't fear anything because she's got magic.
11:42 One of them tries to convince Sabrina to go with them to the netherworld if they have her home by six.
11:47 Salem could prevent the plot by running away to tell on her.
11:51 Instead he decides to go with her and cheers about it.
11:54 So for once it's acknowledged that he's always in on it just to have fun.
11:58 Sabrina really has no common sense. Casually going off with complete strangers she just met today that did nothing but act sociopathic when she first saw them.
12:07 But again, with someone literally omnipotent, it makes sense that she would take risks easier.
12:13 A musical never makes me skip ahead wondering why it's in Sabrina and the story takes too long to have the ants find out Sabrina's gone.
12:21 The shower wall is still warm which is a convenient way to indicate to them that someone just used the shower portal.
12:27 I never knew that but it could make sense because you associate light with warmth.
12:32 It's just that I don't remember that being the case with the other realm closet.
12:37 Eventually, Salem acts scared of someone and someone near Sabrina calls him ugly.
12:43 It's needlessly annoying to have more than one of these vampires in the story.
12:47 Because how am I supposed to refer to them other than rewatching the part of the episode where they say their forgettable names?
12:53 Then I'd have to figure out where I was and it's not a good enough show for me to have the incentive to do that.
12:59 Especially when these characters are completely one dimensional without any sort of distinct personalities among them.
13:06 The zombie aliens get sent to slowly walk towards them in a half-assed way to intimidate them out of the room for no reason.
13:13 The vampire says dead cronies stole some of their blood in a blood bank.
13:17 Why doesn't Sabrina just instantly point to summon the blood?
13:21 Salem somehow never points out that they could tell Sabrina to warp the blood packs to them.
13:27 Instead he asks for help because he's above the guard and the protagonist sneaked past him.
13:32 I guess he's too slow to chase him.
13:35 Then why was he hired?
13:37 I also assume that the zombies aren't infectious.
13:40 Sabrina somehow decides to try to eat all the garlic when she should have known she could warp it away.
13:46 Or at least turn it into something else like she's done to Jem before.
13:51 She had plenty of time to think of this.
13:54 The vampires eventually open the vault.
13:57 Sure was easy.
13:58 Pretty sure witches could have technology as advanced as they want.
14:02 I know this is a zombies vault, but he could buy it from witches.
14:07 She burps and the alarm gets triggered by Salem.
14:11 So Tony sees camera footage of the burglary.
14:14 How is he here instead of at home by now?
14:17 Why would they try a burglary during working hours?
14:21 The ants hear and say a phone call about this, and Hilda is a little slipping to deal with because the wet mop flies a bit too close to the floor.
14:29 Which it could have easily not had to happen after centuries of experience.
14:34 Why didn't they instantly warp Sabrina back to them from home?
14:38 Sabrina warped Enchantress to her.
14:41 Somehow the ants are intimidated of these vampires even though they're witches.
14:45 I have to just assume that they're immune to magic.
14:48 The ants get framed, and Sabrina sees a convenient breaking news report showing the ants trapped.
14:55 They would have warped to safety much earlier.
14:57 Why is the story going to waste my time with a trial instead of good content padding things out?
15:03 Who ever wants to see a trial with main characters in it?
15:07 Hilda lampshading that they have no lawyer makes it obvious that the trial is not worth writing.
15:13 Sabrina says she can't believe she thought these vampires were cool.
15:17 T.D.M. happens, and Sabrina somehow tries to save her ants the mortal way.
15:23 She tells them she went with the vampires because of a promise of how nice looking the place she'd be taken to would be.
15:30 And she takes responsibility, but no one believes her.
15:33 Eventually the vampires admit that they're the guilty ones.
15:37 This is forced. What criminals would do this?
15:39 I guess it's just barely believable because Sabrina's a kid.
15:43 Gangsters aren't usually known for dealing with kids, or bothering kids.
15:48 Eventually, one vampire reveals he can sing high enough to break the window and let in sunlight.
15:54 This is like Twilight where random vampires have random amazing powers like they're the X-Men.
16:01 It seems all the more arbitrary to have random people have one random power.
16:08 Sabrina's being threatened with banishment too, and her garlic breath starts saving the day.
16:13 It wouldn't travel far enough to save the day, but Chekhov's guns are always good.
16:19 The bad guys get sent into the portal, and somehow the witches decide to merely run away to escape rather than warp home.
16:26 If only it was explained that they're out of magic, but they're not because Hilda uses magic here to summon a backpack for the vampires to get into for an escape.
16:35 It's nice of her not to leave them behind, but since they were portrayed as slimy criminals who'd endanger a 12 year old,
16:41 rather than ask one of the witches in the house to summon a sentient being to help them instead, why should I sympathize with them?
16:49 The story ends with too much time wasted on the vampires singing well again.
16:54 Goes to show how much they cared about the show that this is the last episode of the show.
16:59 The last episode of the show isn't about magic at all, and instead has Sabrina be unrealistically oblivious to stranger danger,
17:06 and get convinced to follow some clearly evil vampires out of curiosity.
17:11 This is like a parable against lazy parenting. They constantly don't tell her enough.
17:17 You'd think that if not her, then one of the many people around her would think to tell her to warp the blood bags to them,
17:24 instead of them making a risky heist that the ants got framed for because they somehow didn't just warp Sabrina and Salem home.
17:32 This whole show is written like the worst of bad movies are, where the whole plot wouldn't happen if characters were acting like actual human beings.
17:40 At least the story doesn't demonize magic. But it's so boring with blatant padding all the time like musical numbers,
17:48 and the characters being so incompetent just insults my intelligence that I'm not supposed to question it, when even kids would, just from watching a past episode.
17:57 The whole plot wouldn't happen because Sabrina would have panicked upon seeing the vampires and turned them all into frogs.
18:03 Or it could have been explained that they're immune to magic.
18:07 I don't feel like it would be too much of a stretch because in the Saturdays cartoon, when Sabrina used magic on the monsters, strange things happened.
18:14 So them being immune to magic outright would be more believable.
18:18 Why did the ants let themselves get arrested and put through a trial instead of warping home?
18:23 It should have been explained that they knew that witches would be in the trial, so they just get warped to the courtroom even if they did warp home.
18:30 I assume the lesson was not to go off with adults you just met, even if one of them has a history with your aunt.
18:36 Who you were told were untrustworthy enough to leave your aunt at the altar and didn't care if they scared people,
18:42 in a place that you'd think would have security cameras to catch criminals.
18:46 Why doesn't the story end showing the vampires get arrested by Enchantia for revealing magic to the world?
18:52 That'd be a great ending to the show as a whole.
18:55 Too bad Sabrina's secret life got released.
18:58 But at this point I'm thinking, how could it possibly get any worse?
19:03 Chloe's unnecessary doing almost nothing, so that has to be why she wasn't included in the show.
19:10 She did nothing that Sabrina couldn't have done.
19:13 But getting rid of her would be pointless if there's still gonna be the same amount of padding.
19:17 People still like her for being friends with Sabrina.
19:20 So how is the marketing that bad?
19:23 I read that Sabrina's even stupider and meaner in that show.
19:27 As if she didn't have stupid and mean moments in the show before that.
19:31 But they also got rid of shitty characters like Spooky, Quigley, and Jem.
19:36 So the only problems with the show are the ones that were already in the animated series,
19:42 except they're made more obvious.
19:45 It sounds like it makes up for it by getting rid of the shitty characters.
19:49 I won't argue that it's not a bad show.
19:52 I'm sure it's still a bad show, I'm just wondering why the people who hate Sabrina's secret life think the animated series is a good show.
20:00 I'm not sure.
20:02 [MUSIC PLAYING]