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00:00 Rick and Morty 2020 issue 5.
00:03 It turns out Summer's in a spacesuit and she signed up to work for Glug just so that she could get into the spacecraft herself.
00:11 Because she knew Rick was being kidnapped by someone working for Glug earlier.
00:16 A lot of the time spent reading the page is padded out by the podcast she's listening to.
00:24 Eventually after horrible panels by sadistic writer and artist, I have more horrible panels where an idiot who made a self-reading book for no reason is talking.
00:33 If he was really smart, he wouldn't need to ask a bunch of people out to get Rick to be his friend.
00:38 He's asked if he tried befriending him in a way that he already tried last issue.
00:44 And somehow he responds as if he didn't do that and only the poor tried befriending people the normal way.
00:51 He threatens Rick with a gun who stupidly doesn't decide to humor him so that he could get out of the cell and eventually find a way to betray him.
01:01 Rick shouldn't need to explain to him that threatening him would only get him angrier.
01:06 He arbitrarily says he'll be back tomorrow even though he already has an idea to bribe him and since he's saying it right now, he might as well give up on it because it hasn't worked.
01:18 Why did Rick take so long to figure out that the spaceship is alive for no reason?
01:22 He warns Glug that someone's messing with this infinite dog's heartbeat because seeing him lose because of his own stupidity is not the kind of victory he likes either.
01:33 He arbitrarily assumes it'll be fine and decides to leave and Good Writing would have him only pretending that he thinks it'll be fine to save face.
01:44 Rick hits his arm against the wall and it turns out he altered his own blood with nanobots so that doing that would let him telekinetically bring the bones to him,
01:53 forming a skeleton power armor suit that he'd easily not have if someone just took it out of the cell that lets him smash through the wall with super strength. That's the really confusing thing.
02:05 Or hopefully the black text bubble from the skull means that he's really doing this with magic because he found magical stuff on alien planets.
02:13 It seems like a dad sex machina because the writer's too lazy to explain it.
02:18 I assumed someone would rescue him, so this wasn't necessary.
02:22 There's a bunch of garbage where Morty says he was pretending Rick was the one suffering.
02:27 I hope this comic gets a Good Writer or gets cancelled soon because he's intentionally making unappealing stories and he thinks he can get away with it because it's based on an adult swim show.
02:40 But people only like stuff in spite of stuff like that.
02:44 Golden Fold says he's bald in every universe, even though he's balding instead.
02:50 The Thankgiver says that he has to do the work of inspiring the mortals because he needs worship.
02:56 So now I have to just assume that this is because fake worship doesn't mean anything.
03:01 So he's gonna waste my time trying to impress these people with stuff I have no reason to care about.
03:08 Although impressing someone doesn't mean they're actually gonna think you're worthy of worship.
03:12 So they could still be faking it.
03:15 Golden Fold wonders when Thankgiver invented the elephant.
03:18 So the only reason he'd say this is if he's being sarcastic.
03:22 At least Hat Golden Fold admits that he hates war.
03:25 But the robot Golden Fold gets his respect for being responsible for that because he was made in combat.
03:31 So the Thankgiver impresses the various other people here with the other things he's responsible for.
03:37 But it being so easy just keeps boring me anyways.
03:40 I like that Noel only pretends to like him because he threatens her.
03:45 So apparently he knows he doesn't need everyone here to genuinely worship him.
03:49 There's a portal and then it shows more blatantly unnecessary panels with just glug in it.
03:55 It doesn't matter to me what he says.
03:58 I don't think you should even read his dialogue anymore.
04:01 Because I've proven that he never makes sense and is never enjoyable.
04:05 Nothing I like happens until Morty's suggestion to glug to just stop being needy and drink a coffee is actually listened to.
04:12 And he says he'll find Noel for him.
04:15 I think Rick would've been able to make an AI capable of finding the universe he wants too.
04:20 He conveniently has a photo of Noel to show him when I never saw him in any position to get it.
04:26 And for no reason he's given a scary tall robot who barely resembles Noel and doesn't really talk.
04:34 And somehow he takes more than a second to realize he's not really her.
04:38 You'd think glug would be smart enough to just keep it simple instead of making an enemy out of Morty.
04:44 And out of nowhere he decides to become the new Rick.
04:47 So that's the character derailment of the Sonic version of him but much faster.
04:52 Morty's desire to stand up to the bad guy is ruined by the awful art.
04:57 So I don't think it's worthy of being shown off either.
05:00 Other M was drawn better than a lot of Rick and Morty comics sometimes because it wasn't so unappealing to look at that I didn't feel like describing it.
05:07 Besides, gore isn't as bad if it's black and white.
05:11 At least Rick cared enough to rescue a baby.
05:14 He tells Morty he'll help him save Noel later.
05:17 Summer locks a lock because of the key she had no reason to be able to get so easily.
05:23 And that frees the dog's mind to make it start howling.
05:27 And again, he had no reason to not make a normal spaceship to avoid this.
05:31 Rick even said that it's not a satisfying victory if the bad guy loses to his own stupidity.
05:37 And he's right because his loss would feel so forced that it wouldn't be easy to accept.
05:41 Rick and Morty issue 6.
05:44 The story has a bunch of unappealing padding that basically just involves the main characters being thrown around because the spaceship has started heading for the Earth.
05:54 You'd think it would be interesting when they fall into a portal to a brand new universe.
05:59 But literally nothing happens.
06:02 There's just a crystal breaking for no reason and then they immediately get sent out of it.
06:07 I like that Rick tells Morty he'll grow him some new teeth.
06:10 Which I already assumed.
06:12 And somehow Glug doesn't recognize Rick's granddaughter.
06:17 I know she wouldn't have done anything on Earth near Rick to make her memorable to most people.
06:22 But he's not like most people.
06:24 The way he presented himself, you'd think it'd have been a stalker.
06:28 It turns out Summer's mandolin can glow.
06:31 Which means I have to assume that she made it awesome with Rick's technology because he taught her how to use some of it off-screen.
06:38 Again, I'm forced to make excuses for the sloppy writing just to enjoy it more.
06:43 Why is she provoking him saying she can't let him do something instead of instantly attacking him without warning him first?
06:49 Why would I want to see them hit their weapons together?
06:53 All I'd want is to see him get bashed a bunch of times.
06:56 But I won't.
06:57 So it's not satisfying.
06:59 With what does happen to him, it's forced that he even survives for as long as he does.
07:05 He should have been a robot.
07:07 It's smart of Rick to make a Morty reboot password, but it's just a shame that he's written to forget it so that it takes forever trying to reason with him.
07:16 The fact that Morty's talking like this would only make sense if he was only pretending to be crazy to guilt him into saying he's sorry.
07:23 Because him actually being like this isn't believable when the reasoning behind it is so petty.
07:28 I assume the reasoning is that it's the straw that broke the camel's back, but if it's that over the top, I don't care enough to take it seriously.
07:36 Rick using psychokinesis makes more sense than it could've because of Red Infinity Hour where there was a Rick that had psychokinesis because of his power armor, so that's what Rick's doing.
07:46 It's just a bit confusing here because he made his out of bones.
07:50 He says he'll make a rope and wire that stretches out of bones.
07:54 He tells Morty to grab AI portal stuff so that he could save the two of them, and Morty tells him to save everyone on the ship.
08:01 Morty tells everyone on the ship to grab the magical AI blobs and people start climbing the ladder.
08:07 Rick says he gave each blob a magical portal to another universe so that they could get in there and survive.
08:13 I'd prefer to think that they already had that portal.
08:17 Summer Season 2, the spacecraft ends up crashing to the Earth and we see Rick cure somebody of her science problem.
08:24 And Rick assumes because of the OC's miraculous stitching up that it's all because of this AI, who had no reason to exist, let alone save him,
08:34 who put himself in the mind of this idiot giving him access to all of humanity's knowledge, only to be disappointed by him.
08:42 I guess he did this for a amount of boredom.
08:45 This is a needlessly confusing bit of contrivance that didn't belong in the story,
08:49 but at least it tries to explain why this guy had Rick's talents, because basically he was upgraded by a god.
08:55 If the writer knew it made no sense for him to try this plan because he should have known better, why was his plan written?
09:01 He plans to try to get rid of Vronsky in a way that he'd know wouldn't work, because butchers don't think they're above the law.
09:08 How about writing him to get punched to death instead? Wasn't that obvious?
09:13 And he proclaims a baby to be the guardian of this planet because he's an idiot.
09:17 I hate that the story totally forgets that they already got a portal to escape to Earth with,
09:23 and instead pretends that they got a portal out of people worshipping these gods, even though those people didn't know they existed at all.
09:30 So the story ends with them returning to Earth, and I have to hope Morty will be able to reason with Noel.
09:36 It's bad enough the writer pulled a Fiona Fox on us when he should have known nobody wanted them.
09:41 Rick and Morty 2020 #7
09:44 There's some boring narration, as we somehow see some giant vegetables with eyes growing on the same planet as humans.
09:52 Because mad science, I guess.
09:55 The narration says that in this universe people were right about gods being responsible for things.
10:00 I'm just wondering how it could be possible that stuff wouldn't happen without the continued existence of gods, unless a spell was cast to make that the case.
10:08 It turns out mortals eventually got resentful of the gods and wanted to defeat them.
10:13 Why are there so many panels to this in a Rick and Morty comic?
10:16 You don't need to spend more than one panel establishing this.
10:19 Rick defeated more gods than anyone.
10:22 It's boring until we see the Thankgiver tell Jerry he needs his help killing Rick,
10:27 because somehow he thinks an idiot would be helpful to him.
10:31 Jerry's dad tells him that Jerry is not meant for anything and tells him off for getting his hopes up.
10:36 It's interesting to see what Jerry's dad used to look like.
10:39 He also tells him he loves him and calls him sweetie, but I didn't think it was normal to call a son that.
10:45 Why is such a stubborn god not insisting on getting Jerry anyways?
10:49 After the story is insanely boring and pointless again, when this guy has no reason to be making speeches,
10:55 it turns out Rick put Goop on Morty to try to convince the old weirdo who runs the underworld that Morty's dead to help get Noelle back.
11:03 He asks him why doesn't simply kill him, and Rick says he gave Morty 99 lives which could only be possible with Operation Phoenix.
11:11 And somehow he asks him how many he has so far, rather than being able to just look at a life counter for him.
11:19 Eventually they get greeted by a magical alien Rick had defeated earlier who alters their reality just to spite him.
11:26 Rick shoots him with fire from a cybernetic from his chest and instantly kills him,
11:30 showing him just how insanely stupid he was to try to challenge Rick again.
11:35 I assume he's gonna use this again. I assume he's gonna use this against every enemy from now on.
11:41 Him not doing that would only make sense if he used up all the energy for it in one blast.
11:47 What is the bad guy's side of any scenes to themselves?
11:51 They don't have personalities, so their dialogue is worthless.
11:55 And I already had enough of formal dialogue from penders.
11:59 The only interesting thing about this scene is Noelle had the smart idea to ask Thankgiver for some of his power.
12:05 Too bad it changes their design for no reason.
12:08 She uses magic against Thankgiver, all because he grabbed the idiot ball and empowered the one person who refused to worship him and had to be threatened into it.
12:17 It's almost like she should have worn a disguise.
12:21 Wait, why the hell is Thankgiver still alive?
12:25 The people around him think he isn't worthy of worship because someone with a fraction of his power was capable of attacking him,
12:31 so they start tearing his clothes off to spite him.
12:34 Why isn't it being drawn that he's getting punched a bunch of times instead?
12:38 I assume they're done with this character now, because that would be common sense.
12:43 I like that Teacher says she's gonna go hug her kids while she can, because the bad guys are attacking the city for no reason.
12:50 Rick warns his family that his enemies would be after them next if he doesn't take them with him to a new reality.
12:56 I guess Jerry only complained because he's tired of this.
13:00 Rick's portal gun glass breaks, and the only reason that happened would be if his next enemy is magical.
13:06 And he is, because he's got magic power over bad luck.
13:10 It'd be more enjoyable to see more of Rick's enemies if they all had good designs instead of making the story hard to watch.
13:16 At least the story's being exciting.
13:18 Rick gets grabbed by an enemy of his, and a bunch of them bore me calling him out on killing them,
13:24 even though most of the time Rick only kills in self-defense.
13:27 Someone's prevented from killing Rick by Noelle.
13:30 That only makes sense if she wanted to be the one to attack him.
13:34 Noelle ends up flying while holding Rick and Morty by their clothes,
13:37 and somehow she isn't the first one to talk to him in this conversation,
13:41 even though the way Morty looks would've instantly been a conversation starter.
13:46 So they don't get warned that she somehow thinks Morty wanted Rick to betray her.
13:51 So she doesn't get to instantly find out that Morty disapproved of that, which she should've seen anyways.
13:56 The writer says screw-making things happen naturally.
13:59 I wanna make melodrama frustrate the audience all the time.
14:02 It's a shame because Rick's obviously happy she's okay.
14:06 I guess she doesn't care just because she thinks he's only happy because she's helping him.
14:11 But it'd be so easy for it to turn out that he told her he was just trying to get her back from Morty.
14:16 Instead, because he wasted all of that time, she throws him,
14:21 and he says words to activate an unbreakable spine cybernetic.
14:25 You'd think it'd be unbreakable no matter what instead of him having to waste time saying the activation words first.
14:31 Not to mention the rest of them would still get hurt by the landing.
14:35 I guess he's gonna have a force field.
14:38 Morty tells Noelle that he tried so hard to get her back,
14:42 so now there's absolutely no excuse for her to keep hating him.
14:46 She also gets told that was Rick,
14:49 and the writer forces her to just tell him to shut up
14:52 when obviously she has no reason to think it was his idea and it clearly surprised him.
14:57 And Rick's dialogue made it obvious too.
15:00 Why would she think she would need his help stopping the evil gods?
15:04 It doesn't look like he can do anything.
15:07 He also says he's still happy to see her.
15:10 So again, it'd be obvious to anybody in the universe that she has no reason to be mad at him.
15:15 Why did the writer think we wanted this?
15:18 Why would he write something nobody would want?
15:21 Rick landed in garbage out in the ocean in a container.
15:24 I guess he had an invisible force field to make him survive that.
15:28 Jerry somehow thinks Rick wanted to go look for Beth to save her,
15:32 even though I have seen him do that in the old comic.
15:35 He must be lying.
15:37 Thank Heaver grabs Jerry and turns him into a zombie to work for him, just for the shock value.
15:42 Why didn't he do that in the first place?
15:45 And why was the artist told to ruin his design?
15:48 And the story ends with a text box lampshading that the next issue will be a whole bunch of bullshit.
15:53 If it doesn't have Noelle get it through her thick skull that she has no reason to be mad at Morty,
15:58 or reconcile with him just to get mad at him again, I'll agree.
16:03 It would have been better to be predictable and have Rick up with him in the third issue because he thinks other girls are pretty too.
16:09 It would be much faster instead of giving your audience false hope just to take advantage of and abuse them.
16:15 Tainting the good idea of the first issue.
16:18 Surprisingly, there's a second story where after Rick and Morty have a boring dialogue
16:22 where Rick somehow won't just let Morty enjoy a game of Mad Libs,
16:26 a future Rick warns Rick that in 8 hours Morty will die.
16:30 But I was already told he has 99 lives.
16:33 The only reason this would be intimidating would be if it was explained that he's going to lose all 99 lives.
16:39 And I guess it seems that's what he means.
16:42 Rick whispers to Morty that he doubts that guy is him,
16:45 and he finds out he is by just asking him a bunch of questions that he instantly knows and answers.
16:51 The artist didn't have to draw a future Rick's coat to have stains like that.
16:55 Future Rick says Morty's gonna explode in 6 hours.
16:59 Then he would have sent Morty to a clone body to avoid that.
17:02 This would only be a threat if all of Morty's backup bodies were also infected that way.
17:08 This would only be a threat if someone infected the clone making machine
17:13 so that there was no way he could make a new clone that wouldn't be infected that way.
17:17 Future Rick gets asked why he didn't go back further in time to find out what's wrong with Morty.
17:23 And he doesn't know.
17:25 That just makes him look guilty.
17:27 What he should say is that he can't do that because he doesn't know where to go to find out what's wrong with him,
17:32 because he doesn't know who did it to him,
17:34 or where he was and when he was when he first infected him.
17:37 If his clone making machine is infected,
17:40 why doesn't he just go to another universe and take the one that isn't?
17:45 This would be solved in seconds.
17:47 Rick asks when he even builds the cube from Portal.
17:51 Future Rick hasn't built it yet either.
17:53 But somehow that causes Rick to say that this is why he hates time travel adventures,
17:58 because they never follow the same rules but always think they're clever.
18:01 But right now I haven't seen any paradoxes.
18:04 This could have been built by someone who doesn't hate time travel.
18:08 But I'm loving this story.
18:10 The tone's surprisingly light-hearted.
18:12 Rick asks why a time-based event would be a threat when they have a time machine.
18:17 Rick says there's no urgency because they have an infinite amount of time to save Morty.
18:22 They could just go back in time any time he explodes after all.
18:26 So they decide to have fun,
18:28 not counting that Rick's right in front of them impatient,
18:31 meaning that he could do something rash.
18:34 If all you have to do to solve the problem is warp to another universe and transfer yourself to a clone,
18:40 why doesn't he just take his Portal gun and do that?
18:43 Rick tells Jerry to fetch him his blowtorch,
18:45 or he gets confused at seeing Future Rick there.
18:48 Jerry comes back to Rick and says he was just in the garage.
18:51 There's no reason he would instantly assume that the one in the garage is an alternate universe Rick instead and warn him about it.
18:58 Rick lies to him that he needs his blowtorch or this device in front of them is gonna kill them all.
19:03 And Future Rick blames him for them being in danger.
19:06 And Morty listens to an explosion behind him, looking annoyed at the prank.
19:11 Somehow he has a book on how not to explode.
19:14 I have to assume it's about witches' talismans and potions about preventing it.
19:19 And Rick just conveniently has it because he has a book for everything.
19:23 Then in the late 1800s, Rick impresses an audience in a magic act using his future self to cheat at it.
19:30 For no reason, one that says he's an atheist now, surrounded by people who would judge him for it.
19:35 So good thing nothing bad happens.
19:38 Back in the caveman days, Rick and the Future Rick talked to cavemen when they should know they won't be understood.
19:45 Rick should have expected no response.
19:47 And they were very lucky the cavemen didn't instantly attack them out of fear for their different outfits.
19:52 Which makes it look like they're from different tribes.
19:55 Especially since one of them somehow still kept wearing his stained coat.
20:00 Rick says they wanted to take a killing tour through time.
20:03 It's lampshade that sounds like a cliche premise, but they come home to Morty anyways.
20:08 Rick says they defeated Hitler and Mussolini.
20:11 And for no reason, they also wanted to get rid of someone who's mostly a hero for balance.
20:15 When Rick's not supposed to be an outright card-carrying villain.
20:18 Future Rick says he's glad Rick had fun.
20:21 Why is Rick surprised that he isn't having fun?
20:24 He says he already did this stuff, and at this point he'd rather save Morty and move on.
20:28 And somehow this is all giving him a migraine.
20:31 It's clear they've run out of time.
20:33 And the dialogue implies that Rick's gonna go through the same thing that Future Rick went through.
20:38 And Future Rick somehow doesn't know what to do.
20:41 This story by Alex F. has Rick escape the cell on his own in a way that at least takes advantage of how talented or experienced with the multiverse he is.
20:50 Even if it feels like a deus ex machina.
20:53 And eventually Summer frees the mind of the spacecraft.
20:56 Both of these ideas are great.
20:59 So it should be a good story, but everything else was unappealing garbage only sadists would like.
21:05 I could enjoy Slapsick against Morty, but not with gore.
21:09 He should've triumphed because of cybernetics Rick would've given him.
21:13 Like one that creates a rope for him to launch out of his hands like a spider.
21:17 Editors are supposed to have power over the writer and artist, and use it at times like this.
21:23 They shouldn't just assume their audience would like literally anything because they like an adult swim cartoon.
21:29 At least you could skip most of the garbage and not be confused later.
21:33 This story had Rick apologize to Morty to snap him out of it, and Morty convince Rick to make sure everyone survives the crashing of the spacecraft by going to a safe pocket dimension.
21:43 And gear somebody.
21:45 And then the story has a baffling revelation that explains why someone was like Rick.
21:50 Everything else is just unappealing making me impatient for the story to end.
21:54 And that's a shame because it's good on paper.
21:57 Getting Rick to save people.
21:59 It's not a bad story compared to other ones I reviewed.
22:02 It just has one bit of bad imagery that goes on too long.
22:06 It's inconsiderate to the audience.
22:08 Somehow it takes a long time to tell a story with such a basic plot.
22:12 So luck should've been shown getting smacked around for most of it instead to have a karmatic payoff after how annoying he was.
22:19 The first story by Alex F is about Rick's various enemies threatening him, and then Noel somehow getting empowered by someone that shouldn't trust her, and saving Morty with a plan to get rid of the other bad guys.
22:31 What ruins this lazy story is a combination of factors.
22:35 It gives the paper thin villains scenes to themselves boring everyone.
22:39 We don't see the unlikable characters get smacked around a bunch of times to make the fight scenes have a point.
22:45 And somehow Noel still won't get it through her head that Morty's opposed to what Rick did to her when the stupidest person in the world would instantly get it.
22:54 And the second story by Raffer Roberts is a surprisingly lighthearted story where Rick and his future self realize they don't have to rush to save Morty from exploding because they have infinite time to do it if they have a time machine.
23:07 Because the writer is smart and blessed us with a story with self-awareness.
23:12 So we see them trick people of the past for fun.
23:15 Which ranges from making them happy to no consequences at all.
23:20 It's nice that their killing spree is kept off screen and is mostly just focused on killing bad guys.
23:25 Somehow, it never gets to the part where they see who did this to Morty and undo the problem.
23:30 And neither of them ever get the idea to transfer Morty to a clone.
23:33 And Morty could've done that too, so he's just too dumb to live here.
23:37 I have to assume the past Rick always assumes that all of his clones were infected too, and so is the clone making machine.
23:44 Or else the future Rick wouldn't be worried.
23:46 But he wouldn't be worried anyways because he'd know he could just portal onto another dimension and use that clone making machine to save him.
23:53 There's no way all of them would also be infected.
23:57 I love that the story doesn't take itself seriously.
24:00 Why can't all the stories in this comic be like this?
24:03 You have the show to take itself seriously.
24:06 There's nothing wrong with every story in this comic being episodic and stuff.
24:11 I wish this person wrote every story in the comic right now.
24:14 The only thing I hate in it is the gore, which has no excuse for being shown to us.
24:19 (upbeat music)