Beavis and Butt Head Do America Full Movie Watch Online 123Movies
Transcript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
00:00:10 [MUSIC]
00:00:20 [MUSIC]
00:00:45 [MUSIC]
00:00:55 >> This is cool.
00:01:13 [MUSIC]
00:01:23 >> Hey baby.
00:01:35 I'm like pretty tall.
00:01:38 Damn it, cut it out, I'm trying to score.
00:01:43 [MUSIC]
00:01:53 No way, Beavis, I farmed first.
00:02:01 >> Damn it, I'm gonna kick your ass.
00:02:03 >> Damn it, Beavis, I farmed first.
00:02:05 Get out of here.
00:02:07 Butt-head, Butt-head, Butt-head.
00:02:11 Butt-head, Butt-head, wake up.
00:02:13 Butt-head.
00:02:16 >> Damn it, Beavis.
00:02:18 I was about to score.
00:02:20 >> Yeah, but check it out.
00:02:22 It's gone.
00:02:24 >> What?
00:02:26 >> The TV.
00:02:29 >> Oh, yeah.
00:02:32 Well, where is it?
00:02:34 >> I don't know.
00:02:36 I just woke up and it was gone.
00:02:40 And look, the window is broken too.
00:02:43 >> I'll get a hundred bucks for this baby.
00:02:45 >> Oops.
00:02:47 [MUMBLING]
00:03:07 >> Whoa, I think I just figured something out, Beavis.
00:03:10 >> What?
00:03:12 >> This sucks.
00:03:14 >> Yeah, it really sucks.
00:03:18 >> This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
00:03:21 We must find this butthole that took our TV.
00:03:24 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:28 [MUSIC]
00:03:47 >> A couple of mean guys with fire in their eyes.
00:03:51 Known by the names of...
00:03:53 >> Beavis and Butt-head.
00:03:55 >> Yeah.
00:03:59 They'll chew you up and spit you out beyond a doubt.
00:04:03 It pays not to mess with them.
00:04:05 >> Beavis and Butt-head.
00:04:07 >> You got it.
00:04:09 [MUSIC]
00:04:16 If you cross Beavis and Butt-head,
00:04:19 they will throw down and blow your ass away.
00:04:25 Know what I'm saying?
00:04:27 >> Beavis and Butt-head.
00:04:29 [MUSIC]
00:04:38 >> Butt-head.
00:04:40 [MUSIC]
00:04:50 >> Yes.
00:04:52 [MUSIC]
00:05:11 >> It's not in here.
00:05:15 >> What are we going to do, Butt-head?
00:05:17 What if we never find it?
00:05:19 >> Settle down, Beavis.
00:05:26 >> Hey, wait a minute.
00:05:27 Where are we going?
00:05:28 I don't want to go to school.
00:05:29 We got to find our TV.
00:05:31 >> Shut up, Beavis.
00:05:32 I got an idea.
00:05:37 >> Let's just wheel this thing back to the house.
00:05:40 >> Yeah.
00:05:46 >> Hey, excuse me, boys.
00:05:49 What's going on here?
00:05:51 >> Someone stole our TV.
00:05:53 >> Yeah, we're just going to use this one.
00:05:55 Get out of the way.
00:05:57 >> I'm afraid that TV belongs to the school.
00:06:00 Okay.
00:06:01 You know, this could be a really positive experience for you guys.
00:06:05 There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover that we don't need TV to entertain us.
00:06:12 >> You said "ain't us."
00:06:19 Have you guys heard a word I've said?
00:06:22 >> Yeah, ain't us.
00:06:25 >> Yeah, I heard it, too.
00:06:28 >> Look, guys, just take the TV back to the AV room right now.
00:06:33 And try to be a little more open to life experiences, okay?
00:06:39 >> What a dork.
00:06:42 >> Get it over here.
00:06:46 >> Wait a minute.
00:06:47 >> No!
00:06:48 >> No!
00:06:51 >> That was cool.
00:06:53 >> No, it wasn't.
00:06:55 >> Oh, yeah.
00:06:59 >> What's going on out here?
00:07:01 Oh, no!
00:07:03 >> That belongs to the school.
00:07:05 >> Yeah, it's supposed to be in the AV room.
00:07:07 >> Get back here!
00:07:09 Beavis and butthead, you're both expelled!
00:07:13 >> Cool.
00:07:19 >> Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
00:07:21 I didn't know Anderson had a camper.
00:07:23 >> Yeah, maybe I'll have a TV.
00:07:29 >> Oh, hello.
00:07:30 Are you boys here to look at the refrigerator?
00:07:32 >> Uh, no.
00:07:34 >> We're here to look at the TV.
00:07:37 >> Oh, Tom didn't tell me it was broken.
00:07:39 Go on in.
00:07:41 >> Cool.
00:07:45 >> Well, that ought to hold her.
00:07:47 You know, the most important thing you can have on a camper is a good butane regulator.
00:07:54 And this here is the best one they make.
00:07:56 >> I sure hope we can get that fridge fixed.
00:07:58 >> Now, Marcy, we've been planning and saving up for this trip our whole lives, and we're going to go come hell or high water.
00:08:05 What in the hell is that?
00:08:08 >> 22 minutes of heroin seems to lighten the scent.
00:08:11 >> Must be them damn buzzard hawks.
00:08:14 >> I've got something to drink.
00:08:24 >> This crab is warm.
00:08:26 >> Leave us, you butthole, you broke it.
00:08:29 >> No, no, damn it.
00:08:34 >> Hey, what the hell's going on here?
00:08:36 >> They're here to fix the TV, Tom.
00:08:38 >> What?
00:08:39 The TV ain't broken.
00:08:40 >> Uh, yeah, it is.
00:08:45 >> Hey, wait a minute.
00:08:46 You two look kind of familiar.
00:08:48 Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my tool shed?
00:09:00 >> We still don't have a TV, butthead.
00:09:02 >> I know, Beavis.
00:09:04 >> Damn it.
00:09:05 I can't sleep without a TV.
00:09:07 >> Dumbass.
00:09:09 >> No.
00:09:11 Help.
00:09:13 No.
00:09:15 No.
00:09:16 >> What's your problem, Beavis?
00:09:19 >> I need TV.
00:09:21 I need TV now.
00:09:23 Damn it.
00:09:25 >> Whoa.
00:09:27 TV.
00:09:29 >> Yeah, yeah.
00:09:31 TV.
00:09:32 TV.
00:09:34 Damn it.
00:09:37 >> Uh, no.
00:09:39 >> Damn it.
00:09:41 >> Uh, no.
00:09:45 >> You sure these guys can pull this off, Earl?
00:09:52 It's got to look like an accident.
00:09:58 >> Oh, yeah.
00:10:03 Beavis and butthead, you little bastards.
00:10:07 >> Can we watch your TV?
00:10:09 >> No.
00:10:10 You're expelled.
00:10:12 Now get out of here.
00:10:15 >> Wait a minute.
00:10:17 Damn it.
00:10:18 I need a TV now.
00:10:20 We're missing everything.
00:10:22 >> Hold on a minute.
00:10:24 That must be them now.
00:10:26 Yeah, I'll call you back.
00:10:28 Come in.
00:10:29 >> TV.
00:10:30 >> You're late.
00:10:32 >> Really?
00:10:34 Did we miss bay watch?
00:10:39 >> No.
00:10:42 >> Man, Earl said you guys were young, but geez.
00:10:46 Oh, well, as long as you can get the job done.
00:10:49 What are your names?
00:10:51 >> Uh, butthead.
00:10:53 >> I mean, Beavis.
00:10:56 >> That's all right.
00:10:58 I'd rather not know your real names anyway.
00:11:00 Mine's muddy.
00:11:01 Now, look, I'm going to get right to the point.
00:11:04 I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses all payable after you do this.
00:11:08 >> Uh, doer?
00:11:10 >> That's right, doer.
00:11:12 I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife.
00:11:15 We got a deal?
00:11:17 >> Actually, we just want to watch TV.
00:11:19 >> Shut up, Beavis.
00:11:21 >> Uh, yeah, we'll do your wife.
00:11:24 >> No, I want to watch TV.
00:11:27 >> Damn it, Beavis, you butt munch.
00:11:30 This guy wants us to score with his wife.
00:11:33 And he's going to pay us.
00:11:35 We can buy a new TV.
00:11:38 >> Really?
00:11:40 Cool.
00:11:42 >> Uh, we'll do it, sir.
00:11:45 >> Well, all right, then.
00:11:47 Let's get down to business.
00:11:49 Here she is, boys.
00:11:51 Her name's Dallas.
00:11:53 She ain't as sweet as she looks.
00:11:55 She stole everything from me.
00:11:57 You got to watch out, because she'll do you twice as fast as you do her.
00:12:01 >> Whoa.
00:12:02 Cool.
00:12:04 >> Yeah.
00:12:06 >> Just hold up in her room in Las Vegas.
00:12:08 I got your room right next to hers.
00:12:10 Your flight leaves in an hour.
00:12:12 Come on.
00:12:13 I'll drive you to the airport.
00:12:15 >> Hold up.
00:12:17 [laughing]
00:12:19 Hold.
00:12:21 >> Can we watch some TV first?
00:12:24 >> No.
00:12:26 [tires screeching]
00:12:28 Hey, listen to me.
00:12:30 This is real important.
00:12:32 My wife's got this leather satchel.
00:12:35 It's a black bag, about this big.
00:12:37 I need you to bring it back, boys.
00:12:39 Sentimental value, you know what I mean?
00:12:42 Any questions so far?
00:12:44 >> Uh, does she have big hooters?
00:12:47 >> Yeah, she sure does.
00:12:50 [laughing]
00:12:52 >> This is going to be cold.
00:12:54 [laughing]
00:13:00 >> You guys are funny.
00:13:02 Let's have a drink on it, huh?
00:13:04 [laughing]
00:13:06 >> Now don't let me down.
00:13:15 We're going to get paid to score.
00:13:21 >> Yeah.
00:13:22 And then we're going to get a big screen TV.
00:13:25 With two remotes.
00:13:27 >> Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
00:13:31 >> Yeah.
00:13:33 [laughing]
00:13:35 >> Here you are.
00:13:42 >> Hey, Beavis.
00:13:44 She touched my butt.
00:13:47 >> Hello there.
00:13:50 Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
00:13:53 >> Yeah.
00:13:54 We're going to score.
00:13:56 >> I hope to score big there myself.
00:13:59 I'm mostly going to be doing the slots.
00:14:02 >> I'm hoping to do some slots, too.
00:14:05 Do they have a lot of slots in Las Vegas?
00:14:08 >> There's so many slots, we won't know where to begin.
00:14:12 >> Hey, this chick is pretty cool.
00:14:15 She says there's going to be tons of slots in Las Vegas.
00:14:18 >> Cool.
00:14:19 It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
00:14:24 >> Yeah.
00:14:26 I'm going to have money and a big screen TV and there's going to be slots everywhere.
00:14:30 It's going to roll.
00:14:32 >> That's nice.
00:14:34 >> We ask that you turn your attention at this time to the front of the cabin for pre-flight safety instructions.
00:14:38 >> To fasten your seat belt, insert the free end into the coupling.
00:14:42 >> Insert.
00:14:44 [laughing]
00:14:46 [laughing]
00:14:48 [laughing]
00:14:50 [laughing]
00:14:52 >> Hi.
00:14:54 Can I help you with that?
00:14:56 [music]
00:15:02 There you go.
00:15:03 All set.
00:15:04 >> I love you.
00:15:05 [laughing]
00:15:08 >> Hey, cut it out.
00:15:10 I want her to do it.
00:15:12 >> Come to butt head.
00:15:14 [laughing]
00:15:15 >> Flight attendants, please prepare for takeoff.
00:15:17 >> Damn it.
00:15:19 [laughing]
00:15:20 >> Hey, wait a minute.
00:15:22 What's going on?
00:15:26 >> We're going to die.
00:15:28 We're all going to die.
00:15:31 >> Come to butt head.
00:15:41 >> Could you, like, do that thing with my belt again?
00:15:51 >> This is her.
00:15:53 >> Oh, she looks lovely.
00:15:55 >> I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, you know, get down.
00:16:01 You know what I'm saying?
00:16:02 >> I'm sorry you have to speak up, son.
00:16:05 I have this ringing in my ears.
00:16:08 I thought you said it could be related to my heart palpitations.
00:16:12 >> Really?
00:16:13 I poop too much.
00:16:15 >> Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
00:16:20 >> No, no, I poop too much.
00:16:23 And then I get tired.
00:16:25 >> Tired?
00:16:26 Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear.
00:16:30 I have just the thing for you.
00:16:33 Take a couple of these, they perk me right up.
00:16:42 >> Tastes like crap.
00:16:45 What else do you have?
00:16:47 >> Go right ahead.
00:16:48 Help yourself.
00:16:55 >> So, uh, going to Las Vegas?
00:17:17 >> Hi, we're serving dinner now.
00:17:19 Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
00:17:24 >> Excuse me, does the gumbo have corn in it?
00:17:26 >> I am cornholio.
00:17:27 I need piccata for my bunghole.
00:17:29 >> You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
00:17:31 >> Are you threatening me?
00:17:32 My bunghole will not wait.
00:17:39 >> Uh, hey, I got a beer.
00:17:43 >> Want some?
00:17:45 >> I am cornholio.
00:17:53 >> Get the hell out of the cockpit!
00:17:56 >> You said --
00:18:08 >> This is Las Vegas?
00:18:12 >> I thought there would be, like, casinos and lights and stuff.
00:18:15 This isn't very good.
00:18:20 >> Hey, buddhead, why is that guy holding a sign?
00:18:23 >> Uh, maybe he's blind.
00:18:27 Check this out.
00:18:33 >> Uh, excuse me.
00:18:37 You guys wouldn't know where I could find these guys, would you?
00:18:40 >> Oh.
00:18:43 >> Uh, B-A-B-A-B-A --
00:18:50 >> Boot?
00:18:51 Someone named boot?
00:18:53 >> This says beavis.
00:18:55 >> And boothead.
00:18:57 >> Uh, that's butthead.
00:19:00 Don't you get it, beavis?
00:19:02 These dudes have the same name as us.
00:19:04 >> Whoa, really?
00:19:05 We should party.
00:19:07 >> This way, sirs.
00:19:10 >> Where are those guys?
00:19:13 >> Where the hell is he?
00:19:15 >> You sure this is the right place?
00:19:23 >> You muddy?
00:19:24 >> What are you, the cops?
00:19:26 >> Uh, no.
00:19:27 Earl sent us.
00:19:28 You know, to take care of your wife.
00:19:30 >> What?
00:19:31 Take care of -- what the hell are you talking about?
00:19:34 Who are those other two clowns?
00:19:36 >> Huh?
00:19:37 >> God damn it!
00:19:40 You did it to me again!
00:19:42 I'm going to go to vegas, and I'm going to kill all three of them!
00:19:45 >> Hey, I noticed your TV was broken.
00:19:47 You want to buy a new one?
00:19:53 Just leave it, worthless piece of crap.
00:19:56 >> Yeah, really, man.
00:19:57 We got to start stealing from rich people.
00:20:05 >> You give me that funny feeling in my tummy.
00:20:12 >> Oh, shit!
00:20:14 Yeah!
00:20:15 That's right!
00:20:16 Roller coaster!
00:20:18 Oh, love.
00:20:20 Roller coaster!
00:20:22 >> Yeah!
00:20:23 >> Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:25 Roller coaster!
00:20:26 >> I'll tell you, you know what I'm talking about.
00:20:29 >> Roller coaster!
00:20:31 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:34 >> Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:20:38 I want to ride.
00:20:41 >> Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:43 >> Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:20:46 I want to ride.
00:20:48 >> Yeah!
00:20:50 >> Move on with that, because I'm a double-dipper.
00:20:53 Upside down on the zip, zip, zipper.
00:20:55 One, two, one, two, three.
00:20:57 I got a ticket, so ride with me.
00:20:59 Merry-go-round, merry-go-round.
00:21:01 Oh, it's the happy festival.
00:21:03 Let's go slow, let's go fast.
00:21:05 Licorice whip, going with your flow.
00:21:07 >> Roller coaster!
00:21:09 Oh, love.
00:21:10 >> Stay back.
00:21:11 >> Roller coaster!
00:21:12 >> Oh, yeah, it's a roller coaster.
00:21:15 >> Roller coaster!
00:21:17 Oh, love.
00:21:19 Roller coaster!
00:21:21 >> Can you get back?
00:21:22 Oh, love, roller coaster.
00:21:24 >> Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:21:28 I want to ride.
00:21:32 Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:21:36 I want to ride.
00:21:40 Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:21:44 I want to ride.
00:21:48 Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:21:52 I want to ride.
00:21:56 Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby.
00:22:01 I want to ride.
00:22:03 >> I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen.
00:22:13 We didn't realize you were registered guests.
00:22:16 If there's anything we can do to...
00:22:19 >> Damn it.
00:22:20 This thing is stuck.
00:22:22 >> It's attached to the...
00:22:24 >> Let me try.
00:22:27 >> Hey, check it out.
00:22:28 That guy's still standing there.
00:22:32 >> Could you, like, not stand there and stuff?
00:22:38 Some people are dumb.
00:22:40 >> Yeah, really.
00:22:45 >> Check it out, Beavis.
00:22:48 I wonder where this goes.
00:22:52 >> Whoa, I think I hear a chick.
00:22:56 >> Cool.
00:23:00 >> All right, who are you?
00:23:02 CIA, FBI, ATF?
00:23:05 >> It's her.
00:23:06 >> Whoa.
00:23:07 >> Yeah.
00:23:08 >> Hey, baby.
00:23:11 Are we, like, going to do it?
00:23:14 >> You got two seconds.
00:23:17 >> Is that going to be enough time?
00:23:21 >> Who sent you?
00:23:22 >> This drunk dude.
00:23:24 He thought he was going to pay us to do you.
00:23:27 >> Muddy son of a bitch.
00:23:30 What's he paying you?
00:23:33 >> Ten...
00:23:34 >> Ten grand?
00:23:36 That cheap ass.
00:23:38 All right, I got a better deal for you.
00:23:40 I'll double it.
00:23:41 I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
00:23:44 >> You want us to do a guy?
00:23:47 No way.
00:23:48 >> I don't know, but that is a lot of money.
00:23:51 Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
00:23:55 >> Damn.
00:23:57 You two wait right there.
00:24:04 >> I'm ready for love.
00:24:07 >> Yeah.
00:24:08 I don't believe it.
00:24:11 >> Give me the key.
00:24:22 >> Yeah, las vegas.
00:24:24 Give me the number for dream america tours.
00:24:26 Right.
00:24:30 Yeah.
00:24:31 You got a bus leaving today?
00:24:32 Where's it going?
00:24:34 Washington, d.C.
00:24:36 Five minutes?
00:24:37 Perfect.
00:24:38 Give me two tickets.
00:24:40 >> No way, butthead.
00:24:41 You always go first.
00:24:42 >> We've never done this before.
00:24:46 >> Well, uh...
00:24:49 Want to, you know...
00:24:51 >> Do it.
00:24:53 We're finally going to score.
00:24:55 >> Do it.
00:24:56 >> Ow.
00:24:57 >> You guys want to see me score?
00:25:00 >> Damn it.
00:25:02 >> Ow.
00:25:03 Cut it out.
00:25:05 >> You wait here.
00:25:06 >> Bunghole.
00:25:07 >> Damn it.
00:25:08 >> Ow.
00:25:10 [phone ringing]
00:25:34 >> No!
00:25:43 >> Don't wear yourselves out, boys.
00:25:45 Save some energy for me.
00:25:53 >> We're finally going to score.
00:25:55 >> Thank god.
00:25:57 >> Oh, yeah, we're going to do it all right.
00:26:02 >> Oh, yeah.
00:26:04 >> Boys.
00:26:06 Boys.
00:26:07 >> Boys!
00:26:10 >> First you have to do a little job for me.
00:26:13 Would you like to do a little job for me?
00:26:16 Here's what it is.
00:26:18 I want you to take the bus to Washington, d.C.
00:26:21 That's all.
00:26:22 And when you get there, I'll be waiting.
00:26:26 You're going to make a whole lot of money.
00:26:29 And I'm going to give you everything.
00:26:36 Until then, keep your pants on.
00:26:40 Your bus is downstairs waiting, so get going.
00:26:57 >> This is going to be cool.
00:27:09 >> Get out of there, beavis.
00:27:10 I want the window.
00:27:12 >> Why don't you take turns?
00:27:15 >> Hey, buddy, check it out.
00:27:17 It's that slut from the plane.
00:27:19 >> Oh, why, it's you two.
00:27:22 How did you do in Las Vegas?
00:27:24 >> We didn't score yet.
00:27:26 >> Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:27:29 Me, I took a beating.
00:27:32 >> Cool.
00:27:33 >> That's why I'm bussing it across America.
00:27:37 I'm so glad you're here.
00:27:39 Jim, Jim, I want you to meet two nice boys.
00:27:44 This is Travis and bob.
00:27:46 What's your last name, dear?
00:27:48 >> Uh, head.
00:27:51 >> My first name is butt.
00:27:59 >> Agent Fleming, atf.
00:28:01 So are you going to tell us where it is or am I going to have to have agent hurley give you another cavity search?
00:28:08 >> Is that a promise?
00:28:10 >> Look, mrs. Scum, we know who you are.
00:28:12 Tell her, bork.
00:28:14 >> Dallas grimes.
00:28:15 Married to muddy grimes.
00:28:17 >> I'm not going to give you any more money.
00:28:21 >> I'm going to give you a new mom and pop arm smuggling ring.
00:28:25 >> You got my bad side.
00:28:27 >> Three days ago you pulled a job at the army research facility in hadley, nevada, where you stole the x5 unit.
00:28:34 Now, we happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here.
00:28:37 So why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is.
00:28:40 >> You going to charge me with anything?
00:28:42 I didn't think so.
00:28:44 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:47 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:49 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:51 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:53 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:55 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:57 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:28:59 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:01 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:03 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:05 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:07 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:09 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:11 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:13 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:15 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:17 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:19 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:21 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:23 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:25 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:27 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:29 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:31 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:33 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:35 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:37 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:39 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:41 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:43 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:45 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:47 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:49 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:51 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:53 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:55 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:57 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:29:59 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:30:01 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:30:03 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:30:05 >> I'm going to charge you with anything.
00:30:07 >> Talk to me, Bork.
00:30:09 >> Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived.
00:30:14 >> Did you give them a full cavity search?
00:30:16 >> Uh, the witness?
00:30:18 >> Yes, you can never be too careful, Bork.
00:30:21 >> Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary.
00:30:23 You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam.
00:30:26 Here, have a look.
00:30:28 >> What the hell?
00:30:30 >> They look like a couple of kids, Chief.
00:30:32 >> Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of?
00:30:35 >> Don't you read the papers?
00:30:37 >> What the?
00:30:40 >> Damn it.
00:30:42 All they have are these shows about water.
00:30:44 >> Yeah, really.
00:30:45 They need some shows about fire.
00:30:48 >> Uh, what are you doing, Beavis?
00:30:51 >> Something's wrong with my butt.
00:30:53 >> Your butt sucks.
00:30:56 >> Hey, how come there's no sound?
00:30:59 >> Uh, I'll fix it.
00:31:02 [alarm blaring]
00:31:08 >> Yeah, yeah, there you go.
00:31:09 Louder, Beavis, louder.
00:31:11 [laughing]
00:31:16 >> Uh, mafter a mafterbation?
00:31:22 [laughing]
00:31:35 >> You know, I tell you what, it doesn't get any better than this.
00:31:38 This here is God's country.
00:31:41 Unspoiled and--
00:31:43 [screaming]
00:31:46 >> I think I found the remote.
00:31:51 >> What the hell's going on?
00:31:57 [screaming]
00:32:00 >> I swear, that's all I know.
00:32:03 They got on the tour bus.
00:32:04 It was probably heading west.
00:32:06 Please, I'm gonna kill 'em!
00:32:12 >> That was boring.
00:32:14 Just the same thing over and over again.
00:32:19 >> Uh, wait a minute.
00:32:21 We can't leave Washington until we find that chick.
00:32:23 >> Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob.
00:32:26 This is the Hoover Dam.
00:32:29 >> Dam?
00:32:30 Tell me that.
00:32:38 >> You boys better show up.
00:32:45 >> You see what I see, Bork?
00:32:46 >> I see it, I just don't get it.
00:32:48 >> You got half the state looking for you.
00:32:50 How do you get away?
00:32:52 >> Cut the power.
00:32:53 >> Damn right.
00:32:54 Bork, we're dealing with real pros here.
00:32:56 My opinion, terrorists.
00:32:58 What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
00:33:00 >> Well, sir, it's not good.
00:33:02 Roll the tape.
00:33:04 The X-5 unit is a new top secret biological weapon, a man-made virus.
00:33:09 The deadliest known to man.
00:33:11 Could wipe out five states in five days.
00:33:14 Here's what happened when it was tested on a group of army recruits.
00:33:18 Look at these guys, chief.
00:33:20 This thing is a veritable doomsday device.
00:33:24 >> Jesus jumped up Christ, if this were to fall into the wrong hands.
00:33:28 >> It gets worse.
00:33:30 The unit wasn't finished.
00:33:31 It has a flaw, the casing.
00:33:33 If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
00:33:36 >> Okay, people.
00:33:37 So right now, these are the most dangerous men in America.
00:33:40 I want these faces in front of every fed and two-bit sheriff within a thousand miles.
00:33:45 The orders are dead or alive.
00:33:48 Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
00:33:51 >> Ow! Ow! Cut it out, butt head!
00:33:53 >> Get out of the way, believe us.
00:33:54 I want to sit by the window.
00:33:56 >> Okay, people.
00:33:58 Next stop, grand canyon.
00:34:00 [music]
00:34:29 >> It's like it's coming out of his ass, but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass.
00:34:35 It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass.
00:34:39 [music]
00:35:03 >> Why?
00:35:06 [music]
00:35:24 >> There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park.
00:35:29 Old Faithful here is one of the largest.
00:35:32 During an eruption, the water can reach as high as 200 feet.
00:35:37 >> So?
00:35:40 >> The geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons of water in a single eruption.
00:35:47 >> That's not that much, really.
00:35:48 >> Yeah, really.
00:35:49 >> Let's get out of here.
00:35:51 >> If you'll just step over here, the geyser is seconds away from its next...
00:35:56 [rushing water]
00:36:01 >> Oh, it's incredible.
00:36:03 >> Oh, yeah.
00:36:04 That's amazing.
00:36:06 >> That's incredible.
00:36:08 >> Oh, that's amazing.
00:36:11 [rushing water]
00:36:28 >> Can't wait forever.
00:36:33 >> Damn kids.
00:36:34 No respect.
00:36:36 Don't appreciate anything.
00:36:38 >> Oh, my God.
00:36:40 Wait, stop!
00:36:42 Darn it.
00:36:45 Get me the police.
00:36:49 >> This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
00:36:55 >> Chief, we got them.
00:36:56 They're on a senior citizens tour bus going south on Highway 89.
00:37:00 >> Ah, that was great.
00:37:03 >> Yeah.
00:37:10 >> Uh, is this the right bus?
00:37:19 >> Hey, Beavis, we're on a bus with chicks.
00:37:24 >> Hey, baby.
00:37:29 >> They're not on the bus.
00:37:31 >> These people know something.
00:37:33 I want full cavity searches.
00:37:35 Everyone, go deep on them.
00:37:37 >> Agent Hurley.
00:37:39 >> I tell you, Bork, these guys are smart.
00:37:41 Damn smart.
00:37:42 They're probably 100 miles away by now.
00:37:45 [music]
00:37:55 >> Hey, buddy, this book kicks ass.
00:37:57 There's a talking snake and a naked chick, and then this dude puts a leaf on his schlong.
00:38:03 >> Cool.
00:38:05 [music]
00:38:34 >> Check it out, butthead, porta-potties.
00:38:36 >> Cool.
00:38:38 I got to take a dump.
00:38:43 >> Uh, where's the toilet?
00:38:47 [music]
00:38:54 >> Forgive me, father, I've sinned.
00:38:56 I slept with a woman.
00:38:58 I'm sorry.
00:39:00 >> Forgive me, father, I've sinned.
00:39:04 I slept with a woman.
00:39:06 >> Really?
00:39:07 Was she naked?
00:39:09 >> Well, yes, father.
00:39:11 Please forgive me.
00:39:12 >> Cool.
00:39:14 Could you, like, see her boobs?
00:39:19 >> I'm sorry.
00:39:21 How many Hail Marys?
00:39:23 >> A thousand.
00:39:24 And I want you to hit yourself right now.
00:39:26 >> Now?
00:39:27 >> Yeah.
00:39:28 >> What?
00:39:30 >> Harder.
00:39:31 Do it again.
00:39:32 >> Ow!
00:39:33 [laughing]
00:39:43 >> Welcome to the petrified forest, the world's largest site of petrified wood.
00:39:49 [laughing]
00:39:52 >> Wood.
00:39:54 You may wonder, how can wood get so hard?
00:40:00 Well, the wood became hard over 2 million years ago.
00:40:23 >> Wood.
00:40:27 >> Hey, where'd those chicks go?
00:40:29 >> I think you scared them off.
00:40:32 >> The fuck?
00:40:33 What are we doing here?
00:40:35 >> Uh, I don't know.
00:40:40 Uh, do you know where Washington is?
00:40:43 >> Uh, yeah, about 2,000 miles that way.
00:40:46 >> Cool.
00:40:48 >> Thanks.
00:40:55 >> Didn't see which way they went.
00:40:56 Didn't see their vehicle.
00:40:58 I don't suppose you tried to stop them.
00:41:00 >> The most dangerous guys in America?
00:41:02 No, thank you.
00:41:03 I make $9 an hour.
00:41:05 >> National security is a responsibility of every American.
00:41:08 Bork.
00:41:09 >> Cavity search.
00:41:10 >> Deep and hard.
00:41:12 >> Agent Hurley.
00:41:13 >> They're not going to get away this time.
00:41:14 I want roadblocks.
00:41:15 >> Every road out of here for 200 miles.
00:41:29 >> Um, this sucks.
00:41:31 It's all hot and stuff.
00:41:33 >> This desert is stupid.
00:41:35 They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
00:41:38 >> Yeah, yeah, or like a 7-Eleven or something.
00:41:48 >> Something wrong, officer?
00:41:49 >> Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
00:41:52 >> Well, I'll be danged.
00:41:54 That's them two kids that have been quacking in my camper.
00:41:57 >> You saw these two?
00:41:58 >> I sure did.
00:42:00 Boy, I never seen two kids do so much damn quacking.
00:42:03 >> Blue den, this is post 9.
00:42:04 I have positive I.D.
00:42:06 >> Well, they're just like a couple little old spider monkeys.
00:42:08 I tell you what.
00:42:09 >> Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
00:42:11 >> Well, now, wait a minute.
00:42:12 Me and the missus here are on our way to Washington, D.C.
00:42:15 >> Now!
00:42:19 >> Now, wait right there.
00:42:20 You're dealing with the veterans of two foreign wars.
00:42:23 They're the ones that have been quacking.
00:42:25 If I find anything broken in there, you and I are going to tangle.
00:42:31 >> Master beating in a man's camper.
00:42:33 We're dealing with two sick individuals.
00:42:36 I want that camper torn apart.
00:42:37 Full cavity searches all around.
00:42:40 Something tells me he could be involved.
00:42:43 >> What in the hell?
00:42:44 Now, wait just a minute.
00:42:45 >> Chief just came in.
00:42:46 Two days ago, express airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself Cornholio.
00:42:52 Guess who matches the description?
00:42:55 >> Fine.
00:42:56 A real break.
00:42:57 Get me that flight's point of origin.
00:42:59 We're going to kick some ass.
00:43:02 [ Grunting ]
00:43:10 >> Uh...
00:43:13 >> Hey, one of you bastards got a match?
00:43:18 >> Uh, yeah.
00:43:20 My butt and your, uh, butt.
00:43:23 [ Laughter ]
00:43:36 >> And here's a song that might help you cope with some of those feelings.
00:43:40 Okay?
00:43:41 It's called "Lesbian seagull."
00:43:44 ¶ she flies so gracefully over rocks, trees, and sand ¶
00:43:52 ¶ soaring over cliffs and gently floating down to land ¶
00:43:59 ¶ she proudly lifts her voice to sound the mating call ¶
00:44:05 ¶ and soon her mate responds by singing ¶
00:44:09 ¶ call, call, call ¶
00:44:12 ¶ come with me, lesbian seagull ¶
00:44:19 ¶ settle down and rest with me ¶
00:44:24 ¶ fly high, lesbian seagull ¶
00:44:29 [ Screaming ]
00:44:31 >> That's him!
00:44:32 He's their teacher!
00:44:34 Yeah.
00:44:35 >> Uh, what's going on here?
00:44:37 >> I'll ask the questions.
00:44:39 Are these your students?
00:44:41 >> I assume you're a government agent.
00:44:43 I would think you would know there's something in this country called due process.
00:44:47 Okay?
00:44:48 >> That's about the kind of talk I'd expect from the guy who taught these two.
00:44:52 Take this scum away.
00:44:54 >> I believe I'm supposed to be read my Miranda rights?
00:44:57 Now -- [ Screaming ]
00:44:59 >> I always knew they were no good.
00:45:02 I hate them!
00:45:03 >> Shut up.
00:45:04 You've been harboring two criminal masterminds.
00:45:08 >> Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
00:45:11 >> Bork, you are a federal agent.
00:45:13 You represent the United States government.
00:45:15 Never end a sentence with a preposition.
00:45:18 >> Oh, uh, you know that guy in whose camper they --
00:45:23 I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking.
00:45:27 >> That's better.
00:45:28 Yes?
00:45:29 >> We've run a sample through the national criminal sperm bank
00:45:32 and come up with two possible genetic matches for a father.
00:45:35 Former motley crew roadies turned drifters.
00:45:41 >> You were a roadie for motley crew?
00:45:43 >> Yep.
00:45:44 [ Laughter ]
00:45:49 >> Fire.
00:45:50 >> Here's another true story.
00:45:53 About 15 years ago we stopped in this toilet called highland.
00:45:59 >> Really?
00:46:00 That's where we're from.
00:46:01 >> Well, then you know what I'm talking about.
00:46:04 Anyway, here's the story.
00:46:06 I scored with these two chicks.
00:46:08 True story.
00:46:09 >> Yeah, me too.
00:46:11 >> You scored with two chicks?
00:46:13 >> Yeah.
00:46:14 They were sluts.
00:46:16 [ Laughter ]
00:46:20 >> Shut up, dumbass.
00:46:22 You didn't score.
00:46:23 I scored with both of them.
00:46:26 >> Do you think these two sluts still live in highland?
00:46:30 >> That would be cool.
00:46:33 >> Hey, you want to see something really cool?
00:46:40 [ Laughter ]
00:46:47 >> Fire.
00:46:48 >> That would be cool.
00:47:02 >> Where'd those guys go?
00:47:09 >> Are we almost there yet?
00:47:12 >> Probably like another five minutes or something.
00:47:35 >> The sun sucks.
00:47:39 >> Cut it out, butthole.
00:47:43 >> Hey, butthead, isn't there supposed to be like water and
00:47:48 cactuses?
00:47:50 >> Uh...
00:47:59 >> Hey, beavis, check it out.
00:48:04 >> Well, no, I can't say that I've seen them, officer.
00:48:09 I sure hope it's safe to drive around here.
00:48:12 >> Don't worry, sir, just stick to the main roads.
00:48:15 If they're around, they're probably hiding out in the
00:48:18 desert.
00:48:19 >> That's good to know, officer.
00:48:21 >> Yeah.
00:48:22 >> Hey, butthead, are we going to die?
00:48:32 >> Uh...
00:48:34 >> Probably.
00:48:35 >> Uh...
00:48:36 >> Whoa.
00:48:37 >> I think my life is like flashing in front of my eyes.
00:48:55 >> Whoa.
00:48:56 My life was cool.
00:48:59 >> Wait a minute.
00:49:02 I think I'm seeing something, too.
00:49:05 It's like a really long time ago.
00:49:08 Yeah, this is going to be cool.
00:49:12 Hey, how's it going?
00:49:15 Hey, buddy, I'm starting to feel weird.
00:49:35 I think I'm freaking out.
00:49:38 >> Uh... okay.
00:49:40 >> Whoa, this is cool.
00:49:43 >> It's like everything looks all weird.
00:49:46 There's all these weird shapes, and it's sort of like -- it's
00:49:51 like a music video.
00:49:53 What are you doing?
00:49:55 >> Cut it out.
00:49:57 >> What's going on?
00:49:59 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:50:25 >> What's going on?
00:50:35 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:50:45 >> Whoa.
00:50:56 >> What's going on?
00:50:58 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:00 >> What's going on?
00:51:02 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:04 >> What's going on?
00:51:06 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:08 >> What's going on?
00:51:10 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:12 >> What's going on?
00:51:14 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:16 >> What's going on?
00:51:18 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:20 >> What's going on?
00:51:22 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:24 >> What's going on?
00:51:26 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:28 >> What's going on?
00:51:30 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:32 >> What's going on?
00:51:34 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:36 >> What's going on?
00:51:38 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:40 >> What's going on?
00:51:42 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:44 >> What's going on?
00:51:46 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:48 >> What's going on?
00:51:50 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:52 >> What's going on?
00:51:54 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:51:56 >> What's going on?
00:51:58 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:00 >> What's going on?
00:52:02 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:04 >> What's going on?
00:52:06 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:08 >> What's going on?
00:52:10 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:12 >> What's going on?
00:52:14 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:16 >> What's going on?
00:52:18 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:20 >> What's going on?
00:52:22 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:24 >> What's going on?
00:52:26 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:28 >> What's going on?
00:52:30 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:32 >> What's going on?
00:52:34 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:36 >> What's going on?
00:52:38 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:40 >> What's going on?
00:52:42 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:44 >> What's going on?
00:52:46 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:48 >> What's going on?
00:52:50 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:52 >> What's going on?
00:52:54 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:52:56 >> What's going on?
00:52:58 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:00 >> What's going on?
00:53:02 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:04 >> What's going on?
00:53:06 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:08 >> What's going on?
00:53:10 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:12 >> What's going on?
00:53:14 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:16 >> What's going on?
00:53:18 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:20 >> What's going on?
00:53:22 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:24 >> What's going on?
00:53:26 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:28 >> What's going on?
00:53:30 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:32 >> What's going on?
00:53:34 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:36 >> What's going on?
00:53:38 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:40 >> What's going on?
00:53:42 >> I think there's a problem here.
00:53:44 >> You go first, Beavis.
00:53:46 >> I don't know, butthead, that road's like moving pretty fast and stuff.
00:53:51 >> Come on, Beavis. Just start running really fast as soon as you hit the ground. It'll work.
00:53:55 >> No way. You go.
00:53:57 >> Don't be a wuss, Beavis.
00:53:59 [tires screeching]
00:54:01 >> No!
00:54:03 [tires screeching]
00:54:05 [tires screeching]
00:54:07 [horn honks]
00:54:09 [tires screeching]
00:54:11 [tires screeching]
00:54:13 >> That was cool.
00:54:15 [tires screeching]
00:54:17 [horn honks]
00:54:19 [tires screeching]
00:54:21 [horn honks]
00:54:23 [horn honks]
00:54:25 >> Boy, what I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with them two little bastards.
00:54:29 [tires screeching]
00:54:31 [horn honks]
00:54:33 [tires screeching]
00:54:35 [rock music]
00:54:37 [rock music]
00:54:44 [explosion]
00:54:46 [crowd chatter]
00:54:50 >> Well, Bob, the news out here is not good.
00:54:53 Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the nation's history.
00:54:58 Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
00:55:02 >> Chief, look.
00:55:04 >> The police have not ruled out... >> Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
00:55:08 >> Where did these guys come from?
00:55:10 >> The question is, where are they going?
00:55:13 >> In other news, GPAC is set to begin at 2 p.m. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
00:55:18 >> What the hell?
00:55:20 >> ...in Washington for the first... >> Bork, that bus we picked up, where was it heading?
00:55:24 >> D.C., Chief. >> Jesus, jumped up.
00:55:27 Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our nation's capital?
00:55:31 Or even worse, if they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference?
00:55:35 Well, it's not going to happen.
00:55:37 [coughing]
00:55:40 >> Whoa, this kicks ass.
00:55:44 [woman singing]
00:55:49 >> Hey, buddy, it's that chick.
00:55:51 >> Uh, oh, yeah. Cool.
00:55:54 Maybe they can take us to Washington and we can finally score.
00:55:57 >> Um, isn't Seattle in Washington?
00:56:01 >> Uh, yep, it sure is.
00:56:04 >> Cool. I was thinking after we score, maybe we can go see Hole.
00:56:08 >> Hole.
00:56:11 [theme music]
00:56:14 ♪ ♪
00:56:41 [engine revving]
00:56:44 [engine revving]
00:56:47 [tires screeching]
00:56:50 [engine stops]
00:56:52 >> Inspecting somebody?
00:56:55 Well, well, look at this.
00:56:58 The love of my life.
00:57:00 [laughs]
00:57:01 Where have you been?
00:57:03 >> Honey, I was going to split it with you after I sold it.
00:57:06 Right down the middle, I swear, I just--
00:57:08 >> Sure you were, but now you don't have to go to all that bother, do you?
00:57:12 >> Come on, Muddy, what do you say we just forget about it and go get a room like old times?
00:57:17 >> I don't think so. Where is it?
00:57:21 >> All senators are requested for a vote.
00:57:23 All senators are requested for a vote.
00:57:26 >> Can I help you?
00:57:28 >> Uh, we're looking for Washington.
00:57:30 >> Yeah, yeah, we're going to meet this chick with really big hooters.
00:57:33 >> Sirs, you are in Washington.
00:57:35 >> Really? Well, where is she?
00:57:38 >> Uh, could you, like, make an announcement that we're ready to score?
00:57:42 >> No.
00:57:44 Just a moment.
00:57:46 Hello. Can I help you?
00:57:51 >> Uh, attention.
00:57:54 Attention.
00:57:56 We're looking for the chick with big boobs.
00:57:58 >> Yeah, yeah, we are ready to do you now.
00:58:01 [whispering]
00:58:08 >> I guess you forget who you're dealing with, honey.
00:58:11 You see, I got your mules right here in my trunk.
00:58:14 Hey! Damn! Damn!
00:58:17 I am going to kill him!
00:58:19 >> No, honey.
00:58:21 We are going to kill him.
00:58:25 >> Next stop, White House.
00:58:27 [humming]
00:58:33 >> Hey, wait a minute. What's going on?
00:58:35 Why are we getting back on the bus?
00:58:37 >> It's time to go, son.
00:58:39 >> We can't leave. We never met that chick.
00:58:41 Damn it. We were supposed to get some.
00:58:44 >> Settle down, Davis.
00:58:46 >> No! I won't settle down.
00:58:48 Not this time.
00:58:49 Damn it. This always happens.
00:58:51 I think I'm going to score, and then I never score.
00:58:53 It's not fair.
00:58:55 We've traveled a hundred miles because we thought we were going to score.
00:58:59 But now it's not going to happen. Damn it.
00:59:01 >> Hey, buddy. Sit down.
00:59:03 >> Shut up, asswipe. I'm sick and tired of this.
00:59:05 We're never going to score.
00:59:07 It's just not going to happen.
00:59:09 We're just going to get old like these people, but they've probably scored.
00:59:12 >> Hey, I'm older than you. Sit down!
00:59:14 >> It's like this chick's a slut.
00:59:16 And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times.
00:59:19 >> Oh, yeah.
00:59:21 >> But not us. We're never going to score.
00:59:23 We're never going to score.
00:59:25 >> All right. That's it, nut nuts!
00:59:27 [grunting]
00:59:29 >> What's wrong?
00:59:30 >> I'll kick your ass.
00:59:32 [music]
00:59:36 >> Well, look what we have here.
00:59:38 You two make me sick.
00:59:40 Book 'em, Bork.
00:59:41 >> You don't have anything on us, and you know it.
00:59:43 >> Oh, I don't, huh?
00:59:44 How about lewd conduct?
00:59:46 Maybe indecent exposure.
00:59:47 Here's what's going to happen.
00:59:49 One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit.
00:59:51 The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.
00:59:54 >> That's where you're wrong, boy.
00:59:56 Me and my wife are back together, and you will never--
00:59:58 >> He stole the unit.
00:59:59 Said he put it in some kid's pants.
01:00:01 >> Why, you damn little four-legged--
01:00:04 Hey, take it easy!
01:00:06 I'm going to rip your--
01:00:08 [music]
01:00:11 >> Now, Travis, it doesn't do a body good to get all worked up.
01:00:16 Here. This should help you relax.
01:00:20 Does that say Xanax?
01:00:23 >> Uh, me? Yeah.
01:00:25 Uh, me? Yeah, probably.
01:00:27 I don't know.
01:00:28 [chewing]
01:00:46 >> Okay, boys and girls, our suspects are on a tour bus
01:00:49 believed to be heading for the White House?
01:00:52 Chumpin' Jesus!
01:00:54 I want everyone there.
01:00:56 Our people, locals, orders are shoot to kill.
01:00:58 Repeat, shoot to kill.
01:01:00 [chewing]
01:01:14 [train passing]
01:01:20 >> [laughing]
01:01:22 You know what's really cool?
01:01:24 Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
01:01:26 >> Shut up, beaver.
01:01:28 >> [laughing]
01:01:30 [chewing]
01:01:36 >> He'll be your tour guide.
01:01:38 In case you don't know, you've come on a very special day.
01:01:41 Gathered at the White House today for an historic global conference
01:01:44 called Give Peace a Chance, or GPAC,
01:01:47 are representatives from around the world.
01:01:50 [chanting]
01:01:52 >> This is the East Room.
01:01:54 Many of the portraits you see were saved from the fire
01:01:57 set by the British in 1814.
01:01:59 [chanting]
01:02:01 >> What's your problem, Beavis?
01:02:03 >> The site for the White House was chosen by President Washington
01:02:07 and Pierre Lanfant.
01:02:09 [chanting]
01:02:13 >> Sir? Sir, are you okay?
01:02:16 >> Are you threatening me?
01:02:18 I am Cornholio.
01:02:20 >> Okay, uh, sir, maybe you should wait out in the lobby.
01:02:26 >> Okay.
01:02:28 In this lobby, will there be tippy for my bunghole?
01:02:33 >> The room was originally designed--
01:02:36 [screaming]
01:02:39 [chattering]
01:02:42 >> Boy, where are you when we need you, Ike?
01:02:45 I tell you what, honey, even with all we've been through,
01:02:48 it don't change a thing.
01:02:50 I said it before and I'll say it again,
01:02:52 this is the greatest country on Earth.
01:02:55 Now, say, that looks kind of like--
01:02:59 No, it couldn't be.
01:03:01 [chattering]
01:03:05 [dramatic music]
01:03:08 >> Are you threatening me?
01:03:10 I am Cornholio.
01:03:12 >> Ah, yes, the president does plan to speak today
01:03:15 at the GPAC conference.
01:03:17 >> Mr. Secretary, Mr. Secretary,
01:03:19 what about the rumors that a biological weapon
01:03:21 has been stolen and smuggled out of the country
01:03:24 during this conference?
01:03:26 >> Those rumors are entirely unfounded.
01:03:28 [chattering]
01:03:31 >> I am the great Cornholio.
01:03:34 I'm a gringo.
01:03:36 I have no bunghole.
01:03:38 Bungholio.
01:03:40 >> Mr. Secretary--
01:03:42 [dramatic music]
01:03:45 ♪ ♪
01:03:48 >> This is the state dining room,
01:03:51 where the most powerful world leaders are entertained.
01:03:54 >> Hey, uh, where's the TV?
01:03:57 >> Uh, there are no TV sets in this room.
01:04:00 There are no TVs in the dining room.
01:04:02 >> This house sucks.
01:04:04 >> Please follow me.
01:04:06 >> Evacuation?
01:04:08 It's probably just another bomb threat or something.
01:04:10 Okay.
01:04:12 [dramatic music]
01:04:14 [chattering]
01:04:16 >> Is this tea loving?
01:04:18 I am Cornholio.
01:04:21 I need TV for my bunghole.
01:04:24 [dramatic music]
01:04:27 [phone ringing]
01:04:29 >> Yes, Mr. President.
01:04:31 >> I am Cornholio.
01:04:33 My bunghole, it goes...
01:04:35 >> Mr. President.
01:04:37 Mr. President, I can't make out what you're saying.
01:04:40 [chattering]
01:04:42 Sir, the President sounds strange.
01:04:44 Something's going on. I don't think it's a drill.
01:04:46 >> Washington may be under attack.
01:04:48 Go to DEFCON 4.
01:04:50 [dramatic music]
01:04:52 [chattering]
01:04:55 [chattering]
01:04:57 [laughing]
01:04:59 [laughing]
01:05:01 >> Moving along, folks.
01:05:03 Moving along.
01:05:05 [laughing]
01:05:07 >> Whoa.
01:05:09 >> Hey, baby.
01:05:11 [laughing]
01:05:13 I noticed you have braces.
01:05:15 I have braces, too.
01:05:17 [laughing]
01:05:19 [laughing]
01:05:21 [glass shattering]
01:05:23 [laughing]
01:05:25 >> That was cool.
01:05:27 [laughing]
01:05:29 >> Whoa.
01:05:31 >> This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
01:05:34 >> All right, where's the unit?
01:05:36 >> Uh, my unit?
01:05:38 [laughing]
01:05:40 In my pants?
01:05:42 [laughing]
01:05:44 >> Not on him, Chief.
01:05:46 >> Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search.
01:05:49 I'm talking Roto-Rooter.
01:05:51 Don't stop till you reach the back of his teeth.
01:05:53 >> Yeah.
01:05:55 [laughing]
01:05:57 >> Sir, we're awaiting your final orders.
01:05:59 >> I order you to surrender your teepee.
01:06:01 >> Give me that.
01:06:03 Mr. President, in the name of all that's holy,
01:06:05 I must have those launch codes.
01:06:07 [laughing]
01:06:09 >> I am Cornholio.
01:06:12 You will cooperate with my bunghole.
01:06:14 For there is but one bunghole.
01:06:17 The almighty bunghole.
01:06:19 [laughing]
01:06:21 >> Hmm.
01:06:23 >> He's clean, Chief.
01:06:26 >> Uh, did I just score?
01:06:29 [laughing]
01:06:31 >> The other guy must have it.
01:06:33 He's got to be in here somewhere.
01:06:35 [speaking in French]
01:06:40 [speaking in French]
01:06:44 [speaking in French]
01:06:47 [speaking in French]
01:06:51 >> Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, gentlemen,
01:06:54 but we're going to have to wait outside for a moment.
01:06:57 Follow me, please.
01:06:59 [speaking in French]
01:07:01 [speaking in French]
01:07:03 [speaking in French]
01:07:05 [speaking in French]
01:07:07 >> Let these gentlemen through, please.
01:07:09 They're with the conference.
01:07:11 It's okay.
01:07:13 [speaking in French]
01:07:15 From your own
01:07:17 I
01:07:19 Am
01:07:21 Oh
01:07:48 Boy I tell you what it really makes you proud I could stay in here all day sir
01:07:53 I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now. Wait just a minute now. Hey now, that's enough
01:07:58 I've been planning this trip my whole life and hey, hey, what do you think you're something about a cornhole?
01:08:03 Now let go of me
01:08:08 Say chief
01:08:11 Isn't that the guy who's camper they were whacking. I mean off in whose whacking camper not now Bork
01:08:18 I tell you what, honey. This country's going to hell in a handbasket
01:08:22 I'm gonna go over right now and talk to my congressman about this
01:08:26 What the hell?
01:08:29 Wait here a minute
01:08:31 Oh
01:08:33 If I ever catch you whacking in here again, I'm gonna hog tie you
01:08:53 Damn it. Now. I got a straightened up in here
01:08:57 We just cleared all four floors. No sign of him. Damn. Where the hell is he?
01:09:02 Say chief. Isn't that the camper Bork? Not now chief look
01:09:08 Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-ass. Don't go attention all units. We've got him
01:09:14 He's in front of a white camper on Pennsylvania Avenue
01:09:18 Oh
01:09:20 Okay, nobody shoot you can still have the unit on him keep your distance
01:09:36 Don't want to take a chance on hitting it. Where's pants?
01:09:40 Who knows
01:09:42 You have me keep me for my bungalow get you whatever you want get that other kid we might need
01:10:08 Yeah, this is pork listen we need some TP and some what did he say
01:10:14 Whoa the rules can I have a gun -
01:10:22 You must bow down to the almighty bunghole
01:10:26 This is your last chance give us the unit now, why does everybody want to see my
01:10:36 Swamp
01:10:38 He's jerking us off I think we're gonna have to take him out get ready to fire on my orders
01:10:48 This is your last chance I'm gonna give you three seconds
01:10:55 Okay, boys get ready to fire on the count of three
01:10:59 I
01:11:01 Will show you my mom - I have no
01:11:11 What's going on
01:11:17 Take your damn pants with you. Hold your fire. What in the hell the pants? He's got the unit
01:11:26 Drop the pants now
01:11:28 Wait a minute. I ain't the one
01:11:31 Oh
01:11:33 There you go
01:12:01 Now
01:12:03 Wait just a minute mister
01:12:08 How do you explain this?
01:12:11 What in the hell are you talking about?
01:12:14 So using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh? Look I already told you
01:12:20 I don't know what in the hell this is about. Take him away. Hey get your damn hands off me
01:12:25 Ah
01:12:27 I always thought there was something wrong with him. Yeah, she had a lot of problems
01:12:48 He used to hit me too
01:12:53 Hey, does anyone want to see my unit I
01:12:56 Got to admit it I had you boys figured wrong
01:13:02 I thought you were scum but you saved more lives today than you'll ever know
01:13:07 You led us to one of the sickest criminals in our history. This country owes you a debt
01:13:12 Does that mean we're gonna get like money and stuff?
01:13:18 We were supposed to score
01:13:20 Security reasons your actions will have to remain top secret. Yeah, but someone very special wants to give his thanks
01:13:28 Babish and butthead on behalf of your fellow Americans. I extend my deepest thanks
01:13:37 You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country
01:13:46 He said extend
01:13:48 In recognition for your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of alcohol tobacco and firearms
01:13:57 Whoa
01:14:00 Alcohol and tobacco
01:14:02 Cigarettes and beer kick-ass
01:14:08 We're in the Bureau of beer
01:14:11 Fire and cigarette maybe the bitch
01:14:14 You know what sucks we never scored and we never got any money
01:14:31 And my butt still sore and that chick
01:14:37 Is bright and quiet but it look
01:14:39 Hey buddy, do you think we're ever gonna score?
01:14:57 I probably will but not you
01:15:00 You're too much of a butt monkey
01:15:05 Dell hole but dumpling turd burglar
01:15:09 Ass goblin
01:15:13 He doesn't Tom Anderson live on the street
01:15:18 Yeah, I just need to stop by his tool shed
01:15:25 For a couple minutes
01:15:27 You know
01:15:29 I
01:15:31 I
01:15:33 I
01:15:35 I
01:15:37 I
01:15:39 I
01:15:41 I
01:15:43 I
01:15:45 the
01:15:52, baby
01:15:54 the lesbian singer
01:16:20 Oh
01:16:23 Sit down and rest
01:16:26 Oh
01:16:28 Let's be insecure
01:16:34 To my little nest by the sea
01:16:40 When you're
01:16:52 You're with me
01:16:54 I
01:17:21 The best when it comes to making love all night throw your butterscotch body beneath the red light blaze it up girls
01:17:27 I'm a lazy real tight go deep till the full moon turn the sunlight till the darkness is gone
01:17:32 Love remains strong like the barn sween mother a child is so warm to the touch
01:17:36 Passionate interludes as such when you're gone your body's what I during the clutch just imagine ecstasy floating in the cloud
01:17:43 Animal attraction burn it through the crowd heaven on earth paradise for price is cool. No, I'll pay for the rest of my life
01:17:50 You know why?
01:17:52 You can take it girl stop running
01:18:06 Oh, you can take a girl stop running on you can take a girl stop running on you can take a girl stop running
01:18:13 Oh, I'm exploring your body in your erogenous zones like a black tiger caged up till you come home
01:18:18 Lovely you make a man swoon like a boy
01:18:21 The love is so soft but gets hard to a joy cuz the mind flies and sometimes the sex lies
01:18:26 Smooth little girls fall in love with rough guys, but you could chop a big heart down to pipe size
01:18:31 I guess that's what it sounds like when the dove cries
01:18:33 The whole world is trapped up in the maze, but you say this real good loving for rainy days
01:18:38 The Lord works in mysterious ways. He must have put you on this earth for all men to praise
01:18:43 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:18:47 It makes me happy to say, it makes me feel this way
01:18:52 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:18:57 You can take it girl stop running
01:18:59 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:01 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:04 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:06 Oh, as I travel through your body our souls become one indivisible
01:19:10 Heart is getting critical son, I'm on the run from love and chase me out the bed
01:19:14 Get the point boo, you hit it right on the head
01:19:16 It's an endless adventure, two bodies collide
01:19:19 King fulfilling dreams with a queen by his side
01:19:21 Forever, infinite time we intertwine
01:19:24 Destiny, we fall in love by design
01:19:26 What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours
01:19:28 The road less traveled is ours to explore
01:19:31 I adore you, heavenly angel shine light
01:19:33 Hold my hand, I'll be your guide through the night
01:19:36 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:19:40 It makes me happy to say, it makes me feel this way
01:19:46 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:19:50 You can take it girl stop running
01:19:52 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:54 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:56 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:19:59 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:01 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:03 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:05 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:07 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:09 Oh, you can take a girl stop running
01:20:11 Come on now, a man don't choose a woman
01:20:13 A woman chooses a man
01:20:15 I'll give you half for a second
01:20:17 Then I'll give you the full plunge
01:20:19 Once you on, once you off
01:20:22 Iced out ankle bracelet for scenery
01:20:24 Know what I mean?
01:20:26 It's bananas ain't it?
01:20:28 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:20:34 It makes me feel this way
01:20:36 That's right
01:20:38 Ain't nobody, nobody, can turn me back time
01:20:43 [no audio]