How Adam Would Book... WrestleMania 38

WrestleTalk

How Adam Would Book... WrestleMania 38 Whoooaa Whoooa WrestleMania! It's WrestleMania 38 weekend and that means speculation and rumours and fun conversation about what might happen at WWE's biggest show. This is how Adam Blampied would book WrestleMania 38 but let us know in the comments how you would book the biggest matches!  SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown Buy wrestling merchandise here: https://www.wrestleshop.com/ Read more Feature content here on WrestleTalk.com: https://wrestletalk.com/features/

Transcript

00:00 So here it comes, comes, comes, coming at you, so pick it up yo, you better catch it

00:06 the bad boys are back on the block, tip for the top we can't be stopped, someone will

00:10 put a timestamp in the comments so you can skip this bit, sorry about this bit.

00:14 We're new and improved and got the grand groove, pump it up, pump it up and raise the roof,

00:19 it swings, swings, swings like the mighty Thor, you need to call out the fantastic Thor,

00:24 so pick it up, pump it up, the bad boys are back, because we're blowing up the place,

00:28 yo you better catch it, still slamming the punks, because I'm coming at you, we're new

00:32 and improved, pump it up, just jump, none of this rhymes, the WWE spells danger, it's 22

00:39 and time for Wrestlemania, woah, woah, Wrestlemania, yes this is our life, pump it up, pump it

00:48 up, woah, woah, Wrestlemania, fighting to survive, just like that, just like that, just

00:57 like that, it's time for another f***ing Wrestlemania, and you know what, alright, it's not the worst

01:04 built Wrestlemania ever, that would be Wrestlemania 31, and it's not the best one either, of course,

01:09 but it's fine, you know Wrestlemania 17 wasn't actually that well built either, the Deborah

01:14 stuff, you know the Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit match, that's a classic Wrestlemania match,

01:18 they added that match on the Go Home Raw before Wrestlemania 17, wrestling's always been great,

01:22 a lot of the matches on the Wrestlemania 38 card are a bit random, a bit celebrity, Miz

01:28 and Logan Paul suddenly becoming best friends, Kevin Owens suddenly developing an immediate

01:33 hatred for Steve Austin that's never been mentioned before and from Monday onwards will

01:36 never be mentioned again, McAfee theories, weird, the women's tag match looks, doesn't

01:44 it, but hey a few of the big matches have been cooking for a while, Belair Lynch, Rousey

01:49 Flair, Knox Phil Zane, it has, Lesnar vs Reigns in a custody of Paul Heyman ladder match,

01:55 it's fine, it feels enough like Wrestlemania, sure, and should be a s*** ass easier to watch

02:01 spread over two nights, so fine, Wrestlemania, pump it up, pump it up.

02:06 But what should actually happen on Mania nights 1 and 2?

02:09 Who should be left standing, and who's left holding the Heyman?

02:13 I am Adam Hailing from partsFARknown and let me have a go.

02:20 Right, synchronise your watches, I am recording this on Friday the 25th of March, so if WWE

02:29 go mental in the final week before Mania and suddenly Bad Bunny's in the winner take all

02:34 match, which is possible, don't come crying to me.

02:37 I'm going to cover all the announced matches, one or two unannounced ones that I think would

02:42 be nice, and I'm going to do it all without splitting the video into two halves this time,

02:47 because just one is fine, it's the most stupendous two night one video fantasy booking of all

02:57 time and we are starting now, we have no time, we are starting now, go.

03:01 Night one on the pre-show we do not have the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal because

03:08 legitimately I don't think there's enough people on Raw and Smackdown to fill it anymore.

03:15 That's not a joke, I counted.

03:18 It's fine, the arm bar has never lastingly improved a single wrestler's career, so f***

03:26 it, it's dead, which means now WWE have to book an Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

03:31 Memorial Battle Royal, and that will just be our master in the hurt business, and it

03:36 humiliates the poor lads, and it does the arm thing.

03:40 F*** it all.

03:41 WrestleMania night one properly begins with Bianca Belair vs Becky Lynch.

03:46 Like their SummerSlam bout, the match begins with a handshake, but no, Becky tries to turn

03:51 it into a cheap shot, but Bianca catches her arm, shakes her head, hoists Becky up over

03:57 her head and just benches her out of the ring, then sits in the middle of the ring.

04:02 I am f***ing ready for you, Becky Lynch.

04:06 Back and forth, Bianca hits the KOD, but can't put Becky away.

04:10 The referee goes down, Bianca considers using a chair to batter Becky, claim that killer

04:16 instinct that Lynch says she doesn't have, but decides against it.

04:20 Then Becky grabs the chair, tries to use it on Bianca, but Bianca drops her, wraps her

04:24 hair around Becky's face in an STF and just wrenches it until Becky taps out.

04:30 Bianca Belair is the new Raw Women's Champion.

04:33 Next up, Ricochet is your Intercontinental Champion, is he?

04:37 Neato.

04:38 Let's have a f***ing ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship then, please.

04:42 Combining another feud that would otherwise maybe be on the card?

04:46 I don't know.

04:47 Anyway, point is Ricochet vs Kofi Kingston vs Xavier Woods vs Sheamus vs Rich Holland

04:52 vs Pete Dunne.

04:53 I do not have time for the butch.

04:56 Just take my Walter Gunther rant and just copy and paste it, move on, I'm worn down.

05:01 Much of the match is going to be the Peak 3 Blinders vs The New Shea, but of course

05:07 heels are selfish, cost themselves the match, allowing Xavier Woods to win the belt, the

05:13 final member of the New Day to win a singles title, a title win he dedicates to Big E.

05:19 Get well soon, Big E. Everyone loves you.

05:22 F***ing everyone.

05:24 Call down match time, Drew McIntyre vs Happy Corbin.

05:27 Corbin walks to the ring, steps to the mic, opens his jovial Bob Stein's 101 Terrific

05:32 Texas One-Liners joke book and rattles off a tight five as Madcap Moss prolapses behind

05:38 him.

05:39 They say things are bigger in Texas and that's certainly true of the people in the front

05:44 row.

05:48 Madcap Moss is laughing so much his nose starts to bleed.

05:51 They call Texas the Lone Star State, but the only lonely superstar I know is Drew McIntyre.

06:00 Madcap Moss and Doge is gushing blood.

06:03 Anyway, point is, match starts, Drew hits a Claymore, pins Corbin in six seconds, then

06:07 we're done.

06:08 We are f***ing done with this.

06:10 We're f***ing done with this.

06:12 Seth Rollins is watching the show backstage because that match was so short.

06:16 He is begging, pleading Vince McMahon for a spot on the card.

06:20 Vince refuses, but Kevin Owens sidles up to him, promises Seth, "Don't worry, I have

06:25 put together a surprise and it features you."

06:28 A surprise worthy of the two of us, Seth, because you and me, in WWE, we are the elite.

06:36 Turn to the camera.

06:39 Next up, The MizTube vs. Stepney and Son.

06:44 Miz and Logan Paul use the power of being terribly insecure, number fixated, sad internet

06:49 boys to get the advantage over Rey and his gigantic son.

06:53 Absolutely, Logan Paul should be wearing his boxer cosplay, doing his Shane O'Mac fancy

06:58 footwork and mugging to the crowd, hitting moves such as the Subscriber Driver, the Copyright

07:06 Strikes and his finisher, the incredibly ill-advised trip to the Japanese Suicide Forest.

07:13 At one point, Jake Paul runs down, why the f*** not, straight into a drop toe hole so

07:17 both brothers are leaning on the ropes.

07:20 Mysterio and Son hit a double 619 to both Pauls, but then a miscommunication between

07:25 Rey and Dom leads to Logan Paul hitting Rey with a skull crushing finale, and The Miz

07:30 hitting Dom with a finale on top of his dad.

07:33 Logan Paul pins Rey Mysterio to huge booze.

07:38 After the match, Rey slaps Dominik, tells him to shape up.

07:42 This begins a long-running angle of Rey vs. Dom matches, where he realises the only way

07:46 to teach his son to become great is to show him in the ring.

07:52 Tony the Milkman and Kid Flip style.

07:55 Next up, Edge vs. AJ Styles, and Edge absolutely should not win this match.

08:00 Yes, I know, he's undergone a gimmick change where he's now a manager at a high-end Scandinavian

08:04 sex club that also serves as a front for the Hitmen.

08:07 But AJ Styles hasn't won a PPV match since f***ing July.

08:14 Money in the bank.

08:15 Breath goes down.

08:17 Edge goes for the concerto.

08:19 Styles rolls through, wraps the chair around Edge's leg for a calf crusher.

08:22 That's a nice spot.

08:24 Absolutely everyone wants to see the spot of AJ going for the forearm and Edge spearing

08:28 him out of midair, but Styles is going to kick out of that two and a half, please.

08:31 Edge can't believe that AJ's kicked out.

08:34 He just sits on a steel chair in the ring, positively flabbergasted.

08:38 Gets up, goes out of the ring to grab a second chair for the concerto.

08:41 Styles runs, jumps off the open chair, onto the top rope, hits Edge with a forearm on

08:46 the outside.

08:47 Rolls Edge back in, hits one more phenomenal forearm, pins Edge.

08:52 One, two, three.

08:54 Fadabaddle.

08:55 Nakamura and Rick Boogs beat the Usos for their tag belts just to throw a bit of drama

09:00 into the House of Reigns before night two, and also because f*** yeah, Rick Boogs.

09:06 What?

09:07 All that s***?

09:09 Bloody hell.

09:10 It's Ronda Rousey versus Charlotte Flair now.

09:12 Just give them 15 minutes and let them go for it.

09:14 Now, we've already seen half this match at Survivor Series 2018, and that f***ing slap.

09:18 And as much as both performers suffer from a terminal case of not being a convincing

09:23 human being-itis, both women are amazing in the ring, especially in big match environments.

09:30 This should go on last.

09:32 This should be the main event.

09:33 I understand why it isn't, because you want an undiluted pop.

09:37 You might not get that when Ronda wins, ideally with an actual arm bar and not one where she's

09:42 making her opponent's arm bend like this.

09:46 Like arms bend.

09:47 Why does her arm bar do that?

09:49 That's how an arm bends.

09:50 I'm a jerk.

09:51 I'm really looking forward to this match.

09:53 Finally, Kevin Owens hosts the KO show with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

09:59 In the ring, behind Kevin Owens, is a table covered in cloth.

10:02 So it starts off as a normal KO show.

10:04 Owens makes fun of Texas a bit.

10:06 Austin calls him a mealy mouth son of a b***h.

10:13 Kevin Owens challenges Steve Austin to a retirement match right here in Texas.

10:17 Austin says no, I am retired and unlike you, you mealy mouth son of a b***h, my word actually

10:23 means something.

10:24 Well, Kevin Owens says, you know what Steve, you may not have a choice, because I brought

10:28 this from home.

10:29 Whips off the cloth.

10:30 There is a ring bell that Kevin Owens has bought out of his own pocket.

10:34 Then he points to the back and jogging down to the ring, looking really sad about it,

10:40 wearing a ref shirt, is Seth Rollins.

10:42 He's ref Rollins.

10:44 That's a bit of fun.

10:45 Anyway, while Austin is distracted by Seth KO, attacks him from behind.

10:49 While Austin is down, Kevin Owens rings the bell.

10:52 One, two, three.

10:53 Then lays in with corner stomp, shouting what, what, what, what every single time.

11:01 However, Austin fights back, hits Seth with a stunner, hits KO with a stunner, then pins

11:07 KO, and then takes Seth's unconscious hand and goes one, two, three with it.

11:13 And yeah, Steve Austin wins in Texas.

11:17 So yeah, he can have a match because some people want him to have a match, but also

11:21 he doesn't have to break his retirement so pedants like me can, you know, sleep easy

11:25 at night.

11:26 Best of both worlds.

11:28 Maybe.

11:29 But then everyone just like, yeah, it's Austin.

11:31 Texas.

11:32 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

11:34 Night two in the pre-show with about 20 minutes left to go of the pre-show, Seth Rollins comes

11:39 down to the ring and says he is refusing to leave until he gets a match.

11:46 Last night didn't count.

11:47 It didn't count.

11:48 It was not officially sanctioned.

11:50 Security rushed down to the ring, but Seth beats them up.

11:52 He hits several stomps.

11:54 He brandishes a chair.

11:55 He's like, "Fuck off.

11:56 I want him.

11:57 Fuck off.

11:58 I want a match."

11:59 He sets up the chair in the ring.

12:00 Anytime a security guard tries to get in, he stomps them.

12:04 Mania night two begins properly.

12:05 The video package ends and Seth is still in the ring.

12:09 I have been here for 20 minutes and I will be here for three hours until someone gives

12:15 me a match that I deserve.

12:18 Lights go out.

12:19 Dry ice.

12:21 Wrestling has more than one royal family.

12:24 "Dreaded man in my soul."

12:27 Cody Rhodes debuts in WWE wearing that full metal alchemist meets judge dread meets carnival

12:35 outfit he likes.

12:36 Good match.

12:37 Cody vs Seth.

12:38 Cody wins.

12:39 Doesn't cut a promo.

12:40 Save something for Monday Night Raw.

12:41 Shayna Baszler and Natalya vs Liv Morgan and Rhea Ripley vs Naomi and Sasha Banks vs Carmella

12:46 and Queen Zelina Vega.

12:48 I mean, who the fuck cares?

12:52 I hate feeling like that, but I do.

12:55 There is an outrageous array of talent in this match.

12:57 Ripley, Banks, Baszler, Morgan especially, but the women's tag belts are fucking albatrosses

13:03 around the neck of anyone who carries them, guaranteeing you a one-way ticket to bad Bookingsville,

13:08 USA.

13:09 Sasha and Naomi?

13:12 Why not?

13:13 I mean, I guess a Banks-Naomi break-up feud would be great.

13:16 So go for it.

13:18 Why not?

13:19 About time Sasha won at WrestleMania, eh?

13:21 Pat McAvee vs Austin Theory.

13:23 This match is weird, but I actually think it'll be really good.

13:26 Theory isn't quite the ring general that Adam Cole is, but he's very good in the ring, and

13:30 McAvee can go, even if it's mostly just that Shelton-Esser vertical leap to the top rope

13:34 he likes to do.

13:35 The two men come face-to-face in the ring when the ring announcer continues to speak,

13:39 introducing your special guest referee for this match, Vincent "Kennedy" McMahon.

13:47 I demand two things from this match.

13:50 Vince in the ref shirt.

13:51 I demand that.

13:52 And also, because nostalgia is a drug even I'm not immune to, I just want to see Vince

13:56 shaking hands with an Austin in Texas.

13:59 Look, shut up.

14:00 So this is going to be a fun match, but at the end of it, Vince kicks Austin Theory in

14:05 the ballocks.

14:06 Pat McAvee pins him, wins, and this is all part of a new storyline, well, kind of an

14:11 existing storyline of Vince's tough love.

14:14 Starts a long-running storyline of Vince putting Theory in increasingly unfair situations to

14:18 prove himself, slowly turning Austin Theory face, because with his moveset, I think he's

14:23 a fairly natural face.

14:24 The Street Profits vs Alpha Academy vs RKBro.

14:27 This match should be fun, and Chad Gable's getting a championship match at WrestleMania.

14:30 F*** yeah.

14:31 Not much more to say about it other than a fun idea for a closing spot.

14:35 So basically the heel teams is...

14:37 The Street Profits heel?

14:38 They kind of are a bit.

14:39 Anyway, the two heel teams kind of getting each other's way constantly, meaning they

14:43 can never put away the babyfaces.

14:44 Andrew Dawkins spears Chad Gable out of the ring.

14:47 Otis and Montez Ford pick up both members of RKBro, dump them in the ring, climb opposing

14:51 turnbuckles and go for opposing splashes.

14:53 Of course, Orton and Rheal nip up, hit both their opponents with midair, RKO's, double

14:57 pin, 1, 2, 3.

14:58 I'm just not interested in having RKBro lose the titles or break up.

15:03 Just yet.

15:04 SummerSlam maybe, but not here.

15:05 Like if they're an actual really, like, put them at the top of the tag division, just

15:08 keep them there.

15:09 For a bit.

15:10 Johnny Knoxville vs Sami Zayn.

15:12 Anything goes, and obviously anything goes means one thing.

15:15 Jackass s***.

15:16 I mean, look, Sami Zayn is very clearly having fun with all of this, but I'm really not

15:20 sure I can bring myself to say out loud, Johnny Knoxville pins Sami Zayn.

15:24 Those words burn my lips.

15:26 I would like to see Sami Zayn get humiliated with some pranks.

15:30 Sure.

15:31 Maybe.

15:32 Would it be fun to see the jackass crew put a firework up the bum and won the greatest

15:36 NXT stars of all time?

15:37 I don't know.

15:38 I don't feel things anymore.

15:40 Let Sami slip and slide and fall in the vomit.

15:42 Cross eyes go, whoa, what a palaver.

15:45 But just let him hallouba kick Johnny Knoxville's head off and win at the end.

15:50 Please.

15:51 Please.

15:52 Damian Priest vs Finn Balor.

15:55 I don't know.

15:57 This one feels like it's going to be the DQ of WrestleMania, doesn't it?

16:00 Because Balor's just won the belt and Damian Priest just turned heel.

16:03 They're absolutely going to do a DQ.

16:04 They shouldn't do, though.

16:05 They should just have Balor win by a roll up and then Priest do something memorably

16:10 horrible to him.

16:11 Like aftermath, like breaking his hand with a hammer.

16:14 Why not?

16:15 It's something to carry the feud over into next month.

16:17 And finally, your main event of WrestleMania 38, night two, WWE Champion Brock Lesnar

16:25 vs Universal Champion Roman Reigns.

16:28 Winner takes all.

16:29 And look, when I say this, I am only 40% joking.

16:33 I want to see him hit the shooting star.

16:35 Like keep Roman close to the turnbuckle.

16:38 Lads, I think he could do it.

16:40 So what makes this match different is the Paul Heyman element.

16:43 Who will he choose?

16:44 He should choose Roman.

16:46 Because otherwise that's big show levels of heel turn on top of heel turn.

16:49 That would be very silly.

16:51 No, thank you.

16:52 But tease it.

16:53 Throughout the match, why not have both men down?

16:55 Paul standing in the ring holding the Universal title.

16:58 He then gives it to Brock.

17:01 Then he thinks better of it, grabs the WWE title and gives it to Roman as well.

17:05 Couple of times do something like that.

17:07 Like he doesn't know which side he's going to pick.

17:10 He looks like he's about to, but he doesn't pick a side.

17:13 However, after the F5 and then he climbs up and he does the shooting star, Heyman finally

17:19 picks Roman Reigns.

17:20 He rushes into the ring and breaks up the pin.

17:23 For the first time since Brock's return to WWE in 2012, he hits an F5 on Paul Heyman.

17:31 But that costs him everything.

17:34 Reigns hits Brock with the title.

17:36 He hits him with three spears and then pins him.

17:39 One, two, three.

17:41 With his foot simply planted on Brock Lesnar's chest.

17:47 One two three as Roman Reigns holds up that one pose.

17:52 Because this is a series wrap on Brock Lesnar.

17:57 After the match, after Roman walks away with both titles, because don't have Brock end

18:03 Roman's reign.

18:06 Don't have that happen.

18:07 Roman walks off with both titles and Brock just stands there and announces he is officially

18:12 retiring from wrestling.

18:14 Because to be fair, he unofficially retired at the end of WrestleMania 36.

18:19 He just didn't publicly say it and then they paid him.

18:23 So he came back.

18:24 But now after this last run, we've actually got to see a proper human side of Brock Lesnar.

18:30 That's the end.

18:32 He hits the shooting star.

18:34 He finally does away with Paul Heyman.

18:36 He comes up short and bloody hell what a rub for Roman Reigns.

18:40 Who can unseat Roman?

18:44 That's probably a story for WrestleMania 39.

18:48 And that's my WrestleMania 38.

18:50 Did you hate it?

18:51 If you did, don't tell me.

18:53 I'm not interested in that.

18:55 If you loved it, let me know.

18:57 That would be great.

18:58 Also, subscribe to parts far known.

19:00 Make sure you check out WrestleTalk podcast.

19:02 Of course, we've been doing a lot of coverage of WrestleMania this weekend.

19:05 Make sure you check out WrestleTalk.

19:07 Check out No Rolls Barred as well.

19:08 Sully's going to be doing a lot of WrestleMania coverage.

19:11 So subscribe to No Rolls Barred as well.

19:13 My board game channel is really great.

19:15 You subscribe to it, please.

19:16 That would be nice.

19:17 That's my WrestleMania weekend treat for me.

19:20 How about that?

19:21 Anyway, goodbye.

19:22 Goodbye.

19:23 You're welcome that it's one video.

19:26 Goodbye.

19:28 Whoa, whoa.

19:31 WrestleMania.

19:32 Oh, and jam that jam.

19:34 You know that thing.

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