Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00 [SFX]
00:00:02 [SFX]
00:00:04 [SFX]
00:00:16 [SFX]
00:00:28 [SFX]
00:00:30 [SFX]
00:00:40 [SFX]
00:00:48 [SFX]
00:00:50 [SFX]
00:01:16 [SFX]
00:01:18 [SFX]
00:01:20 [SFX]
00:01:22 [SFX]
00:01:34 [SFX]
00:01:36 [SFX]
00:01:38 [SFX]
00:01:40 [SFX]
00:01:42 [SFX]
00:01:52 [SFX]
00:01:56 [SFX]
00:02:02 [SFX]
00:02:06 [SFX]
00:02:08 [SFX]
00:02:10 [SFX]
00:02:12 [SFX]
00:02:16 [SFX]
00:02:20 [SFX]
00:02:24 [SFX]
00:02:28 [SFX]
00:02:32 [SFX]
00:02:38 [SFX]
00:02:40 [SFX]
00:02:44 [SFX]
00:02:48 [SFX]
00:02:52 [SFX]
00:02:56 [SFX]
00:03:00 [SFX]
00:03:06 [SFX]
00:03:08 [SFX]
00:03:12 [SFX]
00:03:16 [SFX]
00:03:20 [SFX]
00:03:24 [SFX]
00:03:28 [SFX]
00:03:34 [SFX]
00:03:36 [SFX]
00:03:40 [SFX]
00:03:44 [SFX]
00:03:48 [SFX]
00:03:52 [SFX]
00:03:56 [SFX]
00:04:02 [SFX]
00:04:04 [SFX]
00:04:08 [SFX]
00:04:12 [SFX]
00:04:16 [SFX]
00:04:20 [SFX]
00:04:24 [SFX]
00:04:30 [SFX]
00:04:32 [SFX]
00:04:36 [SFX]
00:04:40 [SFX]
00:04:44 [SFX]
00:04:48 [SFX]
00:04:52 [SFX]
00:04:58 [SFX]
00:05:00 [SFX]
00:05:04 [SFX]
00:05:08 [SFX]
00:05:12 [SFX]
00:05:16 [SFX]
00:05:20 [SFX]
00:05:26 [SFX]
00:05:28 [SFX]
00:05:32 [SFX]
00:05:46 [SFX]
00:05:50 [SFX]
00:05:54 [SFX]
00:05:56 [SFX]
00:06:00 [SFX]
00:06:04 [SFX]
00:06:08 [SFX]
00:06:12 [SFX]
00:06:16 [SFX]
00:06:22 [SFX]
00:06:24 [SFX]
00:06:28 [SFX]
00:06:32 [SFX]
00:06:36 [SFX]
00:06:40 [SFX]
00:06:44 [SFX]
00:06:50 [SFX]
00:06:52 [SFX]
00:06:56 [SFX]
00:07:00 [SFX]
00:07:04 [SFX]
00:07:08 [SFX]
00:07:12 [SFX]
00:07:18 [SFX]
00:07:20 [SFX]
00:07:24 [SFX]
00:07:28 [SFX]
00:07:32 [SFX]
00:07:36 [SFX]
00:07:40 [SFX]
00:07:46 [SFX]
00:07:48 [SFX]
00:07:52 [SFX]
00:07:56 [SFX]
00:08:00 [SFX]
00:08:04 [SFX]
00:08:08 [SFX]
00:08:14 [SFX]
00:08:16 [SFX]
00:08:20 [SFX]
00:08:24 [SFX]
00:08:28 [SFX]
00:08:32 [SFX]
00:08:36 [SFX]
00:08:42 [SFX]
00:08:44 [SFX]
00:08:48 [SFX]
00:08:52 [SFX]
00:08:56 [SFX]
00:09:00 [SFX]
00:09:04 [SFX]
00:09:10 [SFX]
00:09:12 [SFX]
00:09:16 [SFX]
00:09:20 [SFX]
00:09:24 [SFX]
00:09:28 [SFX]
00:09:32 [SFX]
00:09:38 [SFX]
00:09:40 [SFX]
00:09:44 [SFX]
00:09:48 [SFX]
00:09:52 [SFX]
00:09:56 [SFX]
00:10:00 [SFX]
00:10:06 [SFX]
00:10:08 [SFX]
00:10:12 [SFX]
00:10:16 [SFX]
00:10:20 [SFX]
00:10:24 [SFX]
00:10:28 [SFX]
00:10:34 [SFX]
00:10:36 [SFX]
00:10:40 [SFX]
00:10:44 [SFX]
00:10:48 [SFX]
00:10:52 [SFX]
00:10:56 [SFX]
00:11:02 [SFX]
00:11:04 [SFX]
00:11:08 [SFX]
00:11:12 [SFX]
00:11:16 [SFX]
00:11:20 [SFX]
00:11:24 [SFX]
00:11:30 [SFX]
00:11:32 [SFX]
00:11:36 [SFX]
00:11:40 [SFX]
00:11:44 [SFX]
00:11:48 [SFX]
00:11:52 [SFX]
00:11:58 [SFX]
00:12:00 [SFX]
00:12:04 [SFX]
00:12:08 [SFX]
00:12:12 [SFX]
00:12:16 [SFX]
00:12:20 [SFX]
00:12:26 [SFX]
00:12:28 [SFX]
00:12:32 [SFX]
00:12:36 [SFX]
00:12:40 [SFX]
00:12:44 [SFX]
00:12:48 [SFX]
00:12:54 [SFX]
00:12:56 [SFX]
00:13:00 [SFX]
00:13:04 [SFX]
00:13:08 [SFX]
00:13:12 [SFX]
00:13:16 [SFX]
00:13:22 [SFX]
00:13:24 [SFX]
00:13:28 [SFX]
00:13:32 [SFX]
00:13:36 [SFX]
00:13:40 [SFX]
00:13:44 [SFX]
00:13:50 [SFX]
00:13:52 [SFX]
00:13:56 [SFX]
00:14:00 [SFX]
00:14:04 [SFX]
00:14:08 [SFX]
00:14:12 [SFX]
00:14:18 [SFX]
00:14:20 [SFX]
00:14:24 [SFX]
00:14:28 [SFX]
00:14:32 [SFX]
00:14:36 [SFX]
00:14:40 [SFX]
00:14:46 [SFX]
00:14:48 [SFX]
00:14:52 [SFX]
00:14:56 [SFX]
00:15:00 [SFX]
00:15:04 [SFX]
00:15:08 [SFX]
00:15:14 [SFX]
00:15:16 [SFX]
00:15:20 [SFX]
00:15:24 [SFX]
00:15:28 [SFX]
00:15:32 [SFX]
00:15:36 [SFX]
00:15:42 [SFX]
00:15:44 [SFX]
00:15:48 [SFX]
00:15:52 [SFX]
00:15:56 [SFX]
00:16:00 [SFX]
00:16:04 [SFX]
00:16:10 [SFX]
00:16:12 [SFX]
00:16:16 [SFX]
00:16:20 [SFX]
00:16:24 [SFX]
00:16:28 [SFX]
00:16:32 [SFX]
00:16:38 [SFX]
00:16:40 [SFX]
00:16:44 [SFX]
00:16:48 [SFX]
00:16:52 [SFX]
00:16:56 [SFX]
00:17:00 [SFX]
00:17:06 [SFX]
00:17:08 [SFX]
00:17:12 [SFX]
00:17:16 [SFX]
00:17:20 [SFX]
00:17:24 [SFX]
00:17:28 [SFX]
00:17:34 [SFX]
00:17:36 [SFX]
00:17:40 [SFX]
00:17:44 [SFX]
00:17:48 [SFX]
00:17:52 [SFX]
00:17:56 [SFX]
00:18:02 [SFX]
00:18:04 [SFX]
00:18:08 [SFX]
00:18:12 [SFX]
00:18:16 [SFX]
00:18:20 [SFX]
00:18:24 [SFX]
00:18:30 [SFX]
00:18:32 [SFX]
00:18:36 [SFX]
00:18:40 [SFX]
00:18:44 [SFX]
00:18:48 [SFX]
00:18:52 [SFX]
00:18:58 [SFX]
00:19:00 [SFX]
00:19:04 [SFX]
00:19:08 [SFX]
00:19:12 [SFX]
00:19:16 [SFX]
00:19:20 When is the next train for Chicago?
00:19:22 There's a train tonight about nine o'clock.
00:19:25 Thanks.
00:19:26 Only trouble is, it don't stop here.
00:19:30 Then I will have to go to a hotel.
00:19:34 Is there a vehicle around?
00:19:36 No.
00:19:37 No, there's a bus though.
00:19:39 There's a hotel bus makes the depot.
00:19:42 Only trouble is, it don't run no more today.
00:19:47 How far is it to the village?
00:19:53 Oh, about two and a half miles as a crow flies.
00:19:57 Only trouble is, I'm no crow.
00:20:01 Would you allow me to ride with you?
00:20:21 You're darned Kelton! Hop right in!
00:20:48 Can you direct me to the opera house?
00:20:51 We're standing right in front of it!
00:20:54 [SFX]
00:21:22 [SFX]
00:21:24 Well, how are you professor?
00:21:45 For the love of Mike, how did you get here?
00:21:48 Oh, I was vibrated here in a most unusual way.
00:21:52 See, I'm glad to see you. I'll see you after the show.
00:21:55 [SFX]
00:21:57 [SFX]
00:22:00 [SFX]
00:22:03 [SFX]
00:22:06 [SFX]
00:22:08 [SFX]
00:22:34 [SFX]
00:22:36 What a day! What a day!
00:22:41 Hello in Stamya.
00:22:43 All ladies, there.
00:22:45 And here comes the fairest of them all.
00:22:48 [SFX]
00:22:50 Ah, Antobio, you wait.
00:22:55 What about Prince D'Amelio?
00:22:58 My heart is light. I get it.
00:23:01 [SFX]
00:23:03 [SFX]
00:23:09 What do you think of that?
00:23:13 [SFX]
00:23:15 [SFX]
00:23:24 [SFX]
00:23:26 Well done, Antobio.
00:23:33 You said it, Prince. You said it.
00:23:36 And now, to my cackle and love.
00:23:40 I will love you always.
00:23:43 [SFX]
00:23:48 [SFX]
00:23:50 [SFX]
00:23:52 [SFX]
00:23:55 [SFX]
00:23:57 [SFX]
00:23:59 [SFX]
00:24:02 [SFX]
00:24:05 [SFX]
00:24:08 [SFX]
00:24:11 [SFX]
00:24:14 [SFX]
00:24:17 [SFX]
00:24:20 [SFX]
00:24:24 [SFX]
00:24:27 [SFX]
00:24:30 [SFX]
00:24:33 [SFX]
00:24:36 [SFX]
00:24:39 [SFX]
00:24:42 [SFX]
00:24:45 [SFX]
00:24:48 What a hit! It's stupendous!
00:24:50 Come on back, Professor, and give the folks a kick.
00:24:53 A kick? Why?
00:24:55 I thought they performed beautifully.
00:24:57 [Laughter]
00:24:59 You slay me with your cracks.
00:25:01 Come on back, Professor. You murder me.
00:25:04 [Laughter]
00:25:06 Come on, Professor.
00:25:09 Get that thing.
00:25:18 [SFX]
00:25:20 Oh, Miss Pansy.
00:25:24 I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your dancing.
00:25:27 Thank you, Professor.
00:25:29 Yours was surely the poetry of motion.
00:25:32 Well, it's never been called that before.
00:25:35 In fact, the entire entertainment was not only enjoyable, but instructive.
00:25:41 I predict big things for it.
00:25:43 Girls, come on.
00:25:45 Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Lay off that jig.
00:25:48 Nothing leaves this opera house.
00:25:50 Who says so?
00:25:51 Sheriff of Lincoln County.
00:25:53 This here stuff's all attached.
00:25:55 Billed for $250.
00:26:01 Hotel Hastings.
00:26:03 You gonna satisfy this attachment?
00:26:05 What do you think, Chief?
00:26:08 What I want to do is...
00:26:09 That's enough. Come on, Tom.
00:26:11 All right. Come on, Gale. Flip it.
00:26:13 Now, get off that trunk. Now, that's the law.
00:26:15 What's the matter, Miss Pansy?
00:26:17 Oh, it's nothing, Professor. Really.
00:26:20 But you're crying.
00:26:25 Is it because of this uncouth fellow?
00:26:27 Well, they're gonna take our trunks away from us and everything.
00:26:31 Yeah, well, I'm gonna put a seal on them trunks.
00:26:33 I'm gonna put a seal on that door.
00:26:35 Now, get off that trunk, all of you.
00:26:37 One moment, please. One moment.
00:26:39 Your manner is very offensive, and I'm free to say I do not like you.
00:26:43 Tom, where are them C.U.s?
00:26:50 Right here, Sheriff.
00:26:51 Don't start anything, Professor.
00:26:53 Back down.
00:26:54 You know you're not gonna get the first base out of them with a John Law.
00:26:57 I repeat, I do not like him.
00:26:59 James, pay this man and send him away.
00:27:02 Yeah? With what?
00:27:04 Us and the house just split 28 bucks tonight.
00:27:08 I will lend you the money.
00:27:10 You wouldn't clown with me, would you?
00:27:12 That's beside the point. I wish to pay this man.
00:27:15 One, two...
00:27:21 A 50.
00:27:26 Correct. Thank you, Doc.
00:27:28 Goodbye, folks.
00:27:30 Come on, Tom. Goodbye, Gail.
00:27:32 Gee, Professor, that was a decent thing for you to do.
00:27:35 Well, that's perfectly all right, James.
00:27:37 Yeah, but what I want to know is how we're gonna get to the next town.
00:27:41 I guess we'll walk.
00:27:43 Well, James...
00:27:48 If you're in need of further assistance...
00:27:51 Don't you do it, Professor. You keep your money in your pocket.
00:27:54 Say, what's the idea?
00:27:55 I don't care. I think it's a shame to turn a stranger like that.
00:27:58 He ain't no stranger. He's a pal.
00:28:00 Well, he helped you out of one hole, and now you're willing to take him for more.
00:28:03 I ain't trying to take him.
00:28:05 No? Well, how will you ever get his money back?
00:28:07 I got it.
00:28:08 Professor, to show you that I'm on the level, I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do.
00:28:11 I'm gonna let you take over the show and manage it.
00:28:14 But I know nothing whatsoever about the, uh, show business.
00:28:18 Well, who does?
00:28:19 That's what makes it a great game. It's packed full of wallops.
00:28:23 It would be a broadening experience.
00:28:26 You said it.
00:28:27 Running a show is one of the most broadening experiences there is.
00:28:31 But unfortunately, I am going to New York.
00:28:34 My trunk is on the way.
00:28:36 I have a solution.
00:28:41 I'll go to New York.
00:28:43 And take the show with me.
00:28:45 No!
00:28:46 You mean to say you're gonna put this in the Broadway theater?
00:28:48 Why not? It's an excellent show, and I like it.
00:28:51 Can you swing it?
00:28:52 I mean, you got the mizuma?
00:28:55 The what?
00:28:56 The sugar. I mean, the kale.
00:28:59 You know what kale is, don't you?
00:29:01 Yes. Kale is a vegetable resembling a cabbage.
00:29:04 Listen, what I want to say is, have you got the kush?
00:29:07 The copex? The ode? The cartwheels?
00:29:11 Can someone tell me what he's trying to say?
00:29:13 He's trying to ask if you've got enough money.
00:29:16 Well, I don't know. I only have 750,000.
00:29:21 750 grand?
00:29:24 Grand what?
00:29:26 Don't let's start it again.
00:29:28 We will embark on the first train in the morning.
00:29:31 Go on, Jimmy!
00:29:33 Hey, you, don't pick that drop up in the middle.
00:29:36 That's big-time stuff you're handling.
00:29:38 Next stand, New York!
00:29:39 New York. What a town.
00:29:42 Broadway. What a street.
00:29:45 Boy, I've been waiting for years to get a crack at them Broadway bozos, and now I'm set.
00:29:54 I know darn well I can do without Broadway, but can Broadway do without me?
00:30:01 Hamilton, Times Square, Columbus City, Central Park, Green Street, the heart of the world.
00:30:07 I once read to be friendless on Broadway, just be broke and look.
00:30:12 But after they take one flash at me and my adornment, they'll know darn well I can do without Broadway, but can Broadway do without me?
00:30:20 No, no, can Broadway do without me?
00:30:24 I'm sorry, but, uh, out of the way.
00:30:27 I was so joyous, Pomp.
00:30:29 Good morning, everybody.
00:30:30 Oh, James, we've been waiting for you. Mr. Rayburn has seen our entertainment.
00:30:34 I have seen your show, but not your entertainment.
00:30:38 Well, what did he mean?
00:30:41 Oh, he's kidding.
00:30:42 No, I'm not kidding, Professor. Broadway stands for a lot of baloney, but it will never digest a piece of tripe like this.
00:30:49 I don't understand.
00:30:50 Oh, I suppose not. Then I'll try to make myself perfectly clear.
00:30:54 After 30 years of stage directing, this is the worst show I have ever seen.
00:31:00 I went over all right, didn't I?
00:31:02 Oh, you'll be all right after I've toned you down and polished you up.
00:31:06 I think James is exceedingly funny.
00:31:09 Say, I killed him at play center.
00:31:12 Yeah, well, in New York, it'll probably be the reverse.
00:31:16 Are you incinerating?
00:31:17 Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm willing to take over this show, but it's got to be built up from nothing.
00:31:24 So we'll start with him.
00:31:26 We've got to build and build and build till we put some sense into the thing.
00:31:32 What about comedy?
00:31:34 Why, we could take something from the Greek.
00:31:38 What Greek?
00:31:39 Well, Aristophanes is very humorous.
00:31:43 I never caught his act, but there's a million Greeks in New York. I'll take something from them.
00:31:48 What are you talking about?
00:31:49 The professor wants to take something from the Greek.
00:31:52 I think it's a great idea. We've had Chinese, Hawaiians, a shivvish of Ruffians. Why not the Greeks?
00:31:59 Well, all right, all right.
00:32:01 Now, another thing about this, Miss Peet, I'm afraid Broadway is not quite ready for you.
00:32:07 Meaning, of course, that I'm not quite ready for Broadway.
00:32:12 Oh, I'm afraid you won't do.
00:32:14 Won't do what?
00:32:15 She won't do for this show. Her style of dancing went out with his jokes.
00:32:21 Miss Peet dances unusually well.
00:32:24 Well, I'm sorry, but the audiences won't think so.
00:32:27 Oh, he's right, Professor. It's okay. I'll bow out.
00:32:31 That's the way to talk.
00:32:33 That's not the way to talk. Miss Pansy, I insist that you remain with us.
00:32:38 In fact, it was your artistry that decided me in giving financial support to this company.
00:32:43 You shall dance as planned.
00:32:45 Oh, it's one of those things.
00:32:48 Well, why didn't you tell me in the first place?
00:32:52 It's all right, Professor. It's all okay. I got you now. I got you now.
00:32:58 It's all right with me.
00:33:05 Did he mean that...
00:33:06 Yeah, it's an old Greek custom.
00:33:09 Mr. Rayburn.
00:33:11 Jimmy, just a minute.
00:33:16 Say, Jimmy, don't you think we ought to give this thing up?
00:33:23 Give what up?
00:33:24 This show. You know we're not good enough for Broadway.
00:33:27 Don't be funny. Everybody has to start, and that's what we're doing.
00:33:30 Yes, but it isn't fair to make the experiment with the Professor's money.
00:33:33 He's taking the chance, not us.
00:33:35 Say, he's getting a kick out of this. He's having fun.
00:33:38 Suppose he did lose 60 grand. He's got 750.
00:33:42 Miss Peet, Mr. Rayburn wishes you to report at the rehearsal hall.
00:33:47 I have enlightened him, and he now has a keener appreciation of your dancing.
00:33:52 Oh, Professor, you...
00:33:54 Gee, you're sweet.
00:34:01 What did she mean?
00:34:03 There's something about you, Professor. There's something about you.
00:34:07 Where's the guy that's putting on this brawl?
00:34:15 Who wants to know?
00:34:17 Eleonora Spear, the personality girl.
00:34:25 Miss Eleonora Spear and personality.
00:34:28 Send them both in.
00:34:30 Get a load of that. Big time sex appeal.
00:34:38 Is there any truth what they say outside, that there's a million dollars behind this show?
00:34:43 There is not.
00:34:44 I thought so. The regular hooey.
00:34:47 There's only 750,000.
00:34:50 I thought so. The regular hooey.
00:34:53 There's only 750,000.
00:34:56 Oh, Professor. I hope you'll excuse me for asking questions.
00:35:06 But after all, a young girl has got to know who she's doing business with.
00:35:10 Oh, that's all right. That's all right.
00:35:12 Hey, what Broadway show were you with last season?
00:35:15 Uh, the Sunrise Supper Club.
00:35:17 I put that saloon on its feet. Made it New York's hottest night spot.
00:35:21 And when I first went there, it was a speakeasy.
00:35:25 Speakeasy?
00:35:27 Yeah, speakeasy.
00:35:28 Speakeasy.
00:35:30 You have unconsciously committed a-a solicism.
00:35:34 You should purify the verb and say "speak easily."
00:35:38 Speak easily.
00:35:41 Speak easily.
00:35:42 It's here. It's here. It's here.
00:35:45 Did something arrive?
00:35:47 I'll say it has. The title for our show. Speak easily.
00:35:51 Oh, pretty good.
00:35:53 What do you mean, pretty good? It's perfect. Speak easily.
00:35:57 Oh, but Professor, to get back to me, I've got everything.
00:36:02 Everything?
00:36:04 And you know, I got medals for acting when I went to finishing school.
00:36:07 Oh, what finishing school did you attend?
00:36:10 Um, Notre Dame.
00:36:13 Notre Dame?
00:36:15 Notre Dame is not coeducational.
00:36:18 Uh, oh, well, uh, I was very young.
00:36:22 And you know, I can not only troop, but I can wear them.
00:36:26 Wear them?
00:36:27 Yeah, what I mean is tight.
00:36:29 You know, uh, I got legs.
00:36:32 I assumed as much.
00:36:36 Oh, assume nothing, say. Get an eyeful of this.
00:36:41 Sign her up, Professor.
00:36:43 Get away from your professor. He's great, I'm telling you.
00:36:46 If you see this gal...
00:36:47 Well?
00:36:49 Come on, come on down.
00:36:57 Come on down fast.
00:36:59 Down there.
00:37:00 Throw your leg out if you all got rheumatism.
00:37:04 Oh, you're right. You're right, Jack.
00:37:06 What's the matter with you? Keep climbing. Keep climbing.
00:37:09 Go back up. Go back up. Keep climbing.
00:37:12 What a day. What a day.
00:37:15 Throw in some...
00:37:17 Oh, never mind that. Never mind.
00:37:19 What about the music for the rowing number?
00:37:21 The rowing number?
00:37:23 I wrote that this morning.
00:37:26 Get a load of this melody.
00:37:29 (Humming)
00:37:32 You... you wrote that this morning?
00:37:42 Yeah. It's something they remember.
00:37:45 Yeah, I remember it already.
00:37:48 You know, they'll come out of the Theatre of Whistling, that tune.
00:37:52 They'll go into the Theatre of Whistling.
00:37:55 It is slightly reminiscent of singing in the rain.
00:37:58 No, this is different.
00:38:00 Well, Professor, how is that?
00:38:04 The song is very good, but the dance is anachronistic.
00:38:07 A lot?
00:38:08 The postures and movements are not early Greek.
00:38:11 No?
00:38:12 I will show you the dance as performed in Athens.
00:38:16 Young ladies.
00:38:18 Now, follow me.
00:38:24 (Humming)
00:38:27 It's here! It's here! It's here!
00:38:40 Has something arrived?
00:38:42 Has something arrived? I'll say it has.
00:38:44 A tune! A melody!
00:38:46 Professor, Professor, you're marvelous!
00:38:48 You inspire me!
00:38:50 This tune came from the depths of my soul.
00:38:52 Get a load of this.
00:38:54 We can't consider it.
00:39:02 Why?
00:39:03 That's old Susanna.
00:39:05 It won't be after I'm finished with it.
00:39:07 Give it a hit.
00:39:09 That's plagiarism.
00:39:10 No, that's "Speak Easily," the theme song for our show.
00:39:14 Just a minute, David. Just a minute.
00:39:18 I think I know what the Professor wants.
00:39:20 Does it go something like this?
00:39:22 That's something like it.
00:39:26 Only there should be more sinuosity of the hips.
00:39:28 Such as this.
00:39:30 Oh, you mean like this.
00:39:32 Now, that is authentic.
00:39:44 But it would be much more effective if you were in the nude.
00:39:49 Professor, Professor, that's out.
00:39:51 No nudes.
00:39:52 But James, it was done so in Athens.
00:39:55 Yeah, they might get away with that in Athens.
00:39:57 That's a college town.
00:39:59 Oh, Professor, I think I can do the dance for you.
00:40:01 And I've got just the costume.
00:40:03 A little bit here, you know, and the beads there.
00:40:05 In my dressing room.
00:40:06 Now, come along and I'll show it to you.
00:40:08 It's the darliest thing you ever saw.
00:40:10 There's not very much to it, you know.
00:40:11 It's just right across here and there's a few beads right there.
00:40:14 Oh, Professor, I'm this way.
00:40:18 Oh, yes, yes, yes, hello.
00:40:20 You know, I've been wanting to talk to you for a long, long time.
00:40:25 We should have some place where we can get sort of a get together and talk things over.
00:40:33 Why, we already have such a place.
00:40:35 My office.
00:40:36 Oh, Jimmy, don't be still.
00:40:42 And I was thinking...
00:40:45 that I would give you the key to my apartment.
00:40:48 So that when you felt like it, you could just run up and we could...
00:40:52 have a cup of tea.
00:40:54 Very well. If I should ever feel the need of a cup of tea.
00:40:58 Of course, I won't be able to pay for the rent right off the start.
00:41:07 That is, until the show opens.
00:41:09 But if I were to send you the bill, you'd take care of it, wouldn't you, Jimmy?
00:41:14 That's customary.
00:41:16 All right, everybody, out for the trio.
00:41:19 Oh, Jimmy.
00:41:26 Oh, Jimmy.
00:41:28 Oh.
00:41:57 Professor.
00:41:58 Oh, good afternoon.
00:42:00 What have you been doing with that spare woman?
00:42:03 We had a business conference pertaining to the rental of her apartment.
00:42:07 Did she ask you to pay her rent?
00:42:09 Yes.
00:42:10 Oh.
00:42:11 That's something I neglected to do.
00:42:13 I didn't know it was customary.
00:42:15 Professor, you come inside a minute.
00:42:17 I want to talk to you.
00:42:20 She kissed you, didn't she?
00:42:22 Oh, yes.
00:42:24 You know, she's a very appreciated girl.
00:42:26 Well, did you kiss her back?
00:42:28 Kiss her back?
00:42:30 Oh, you know what I mean.
00:42:32 Did you return her kiss?
00:42:34 No. Is that customary?
00:42:36 Oh, never mind.
00:42:38 What else did she do?
00:42:40 Why, she generously returned my kiss.
00:42:43 Oh, I see.
00:42:45 What else did she do?
00:42:47 Why, she generously gave me the key to her apartment.
00:42:51 Oh, she did?
00:42:53 You know, one would hardly expect such hospitality in a big city.
00:42:57 Oh, Professor, don't you understand what she means?
00:43:01 Oh, yes, yes.
00:43:03 She told me that any time that I wanted to come to her apartment, I could have a cup of tea.
00:43:08 Oh.
00:43:09 Well, I'll tell you what you do, Timsy.
00:43:11 Any time you feel the need of a cup of tea, you come to my apartment.
00:43:16 You know, I prefer cocoa.
00:43:21 Come in, Timmy.
00:43:31 Make yourself right at home.
00:43:33 Oh, Marie.
00:43:35 Marie.
00:43:37 Marie.
00:43:38 Oh, dear, old servant, you just can't keep them.
00:43:41 You don't mind if I do this myself, do you?
00:43:44 Oh.
00:43:45 Oh, come, Timmy. Come, come.
00:43:56 I'll take your hat and your umbrella.
00:43:59 Oh, it's cold.
00:44:06 There. Now sit down.
00:44:08 There.
00:44:12 Now while we're waiting for my brother, we'll have a talk.
00:44:15 A real intelligent talk.
00:44:18 Because I've got a mind.
00:44:20 Yes?
00:44:21 Oh, yes.
00:44:22 I can hold the interest of a man like you.
00:44:25 Tell me, Timmy.
00:44:28 Have you ever seriously thought of marriage?
00:44:32 Yes.
00:44:34 That's why I'm single.
00:44:36 Oh.
00:44:38 Well, supposing we have a nice little drink, eh?
00:44:42 Oh, thank you. I never drink.
00:44:44 Oh, I know, but a little Tom Collins won't hurt you.
00:44:48 Uh, what is the nature of this, uh, Thomas Collins?
00:44:53 Oh, um, it's sort of like a lemonade, only it's made from limes and a dash of that and a dash of that.
00:44:59 Sort of like a fruit compote, you know?
00:45:03 Very nice.
00:45:05 Sort of radiates a glow.
00:45:12 Oh, Timmy, and that's what you need, a glow.
00:45:17 [sighs]
00:45:28 Now, Timmy, I'll slip into something more comfortable and I'll be right back.
00:45:33 Oh, no, no, no. You stay right here.
00:45:37 I won't be a moment.
00:45:43 Good-lune.
00:45:51 [door slams]
00:45:53 [footsteps]
00:45:56 [footsteps]
00:45:58 [glass clinking]
00:46:11 [gulps]
00:46:21 [gulps]
00:46:23 [glass clinks]
00:46:36 [glass clinks]
00:46:48 Well, I'm back again, Timmy.
00:46:51 You gonna take a bath?
00:46:54 [laughs] You can crack wise, can't you?
00:46:59 I can pound a little drink for you.
00:47:14 Ooh.
00:47:17 Hmm. Well, here's to you and me, Professor.
00:47:21 [scoffs]
00:47:30 [phone rings]
00:47:34 [phone rings]
00:47:41 Oh, hi.
00:47:43 I'll go to pass out any minute, Timmy, any minute.
00:47:48 Push your arms around me, honey, and I'll give a great big hug, huh?
00:47:53 I don't understand you.
00:47:55 Oh, no? Oh, well, it goes something like this. Now watch.
00:48:00 Oh, no, you don't want those on there, you don't.
00:48:04 You must never catch anyone with glasses, honey, no.
00:48:08 Take a big, deep breath.
00:48:11 Oh, honey.
00:48:13 Hmm.
00:48:17 There. Everything's all right now, isn't it?
00:48:21 I don't understand you.
00:48:23 Oh, Timmy, you'll pay the rent, won't you, honey, huh?
00:48:27 Rent?
00:48:28 Yes, the rent, and then you and I get around to it, why, we'll be married.
00:48:34 Certainly not.
00:48:36 Oh, Timmy.
00:48:38 Oh.
00:48:40 Now, now, wait, now, wait.
00:48:47 Miss, Miss, Miss Beard, you, you, you gotta go home.
00:48:52 Oh, I'm going to something.
00:48:54 Oh.
00:48:56 Timmy.
00:48:59 Oh, Timmy, I've lost my Timmy.
00:49:02 Oh, Timmy.
00:49:03 Oh, there you are.
00:49:05 Timmy.
00:49:07 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
00:49:09 Oh, wait a minute, honey, little Nellie will help you.
00:49:12 Wait a minute, give me.
00:49:15 Wait a minute.
00:49:17 Oh, oh, Timmy, help me up.
00:49:20 Oh, good Timmy.
00:49:23 I know you're behind the couch, Timmy.
00:49:32 Come on, sit.
00:49:34 Oh, there you are.
00:49:37 Oh, I've got my Timmy.
00:49:51 Oh, Timmy.
00:49:53 Hushie, hushie, hushie, hushie.
00:50:18 Oh, Timmy, that's right, I see.
00:50:21 Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
00:50:24 It's awful good to have had you.
00:50:33 Now, you go right straight home.
00:50:36 Oh, right, right straight home.
00:50:39 I'll see you tomorrow.
00:50:41 Good night.
00:50:45 Good night.
00:50:49 [Sigh]
00:50:52 [Sigh]
00:50:55 [Sigh]
00:50:58 [Sigh]
00:51:25 [Laughter]
00:51:28 [Humming]
00:51:31 [Humming]
00:51:34 [Humming]
00:52:03 [Laughter]
00:52:06 Honest, ain't it a wow?
00:52:09 Jimmy Dodge and Pansy Pizza and Broadway.
00:52:12 Kid, I always said we'd get where we belong.
00:52:15 Gee, Jimmy, I'm all trembling.
00:52:18 It don't seem possible.
00:52:20 That's a swell profile of me, ain't it?
00:52:23 Yes, Jimmy, it is, every inch of it.
00:52:30 The whole thing seems like a dream.
00:52:33 Gee, I hope nothing happens.
00:52:35 There you go.
00:52:36 You dames are always looking for trouble.
00:52:38 What could happen?
00:52:40 Is Professor Post here?
00:52:43 No, we're waiting for ourselves.
00:52:46 Who are you?
00:52:47 Well, I'm from his lawyer's office.
00:52:48 I got to see the professor right away.
00:52:50 What about?
00:52:51 Well, about a mythical inheritance of $750,000.
00:52:55 Mythical?
00:52:57 What's that, Pansy?
00:52:59 Mythical is something that doesn't exist.
00:53:01 You mean the $750,000 that the professor's got, he hasn't got?
00:53:05 That's just what I mean.
00:53:07 We've made a complete investigation of the professor's claims, and he hasn't got a dime.
00:53:12 Gee, mister, you sure brought us some sweet news.
00:53:17 And we're opening tonight.
00:53:19 You mean you were opening tonight.
00:53:21 Oh, Jimmy, we've got the professor in a novel fix.
00:53:24 Since early this morning, we've been bombarded by people trying to collect for scenery, shoes, and costumes.
00:53:30 Listen, pal, if the professor's broke, there's only one chance for everybody to get their dough.
00:53:35 Let the show open.
00:53:36 It's bound to click, and then we can pay off.
00:53:39 Can't you do something?
00:53:40 Oh, couldn't you?
00:53:41 You know what I mean.
00:53:42 Stall him off until after opening night.
00:53:45 Well, there's only one chance.
00:53:46 Get the professor out of the state immediately.
00:53:48 Tell him to go over to Jersey for a little while.
00:53:50 I'll do it.
00:53:51 But remember, if he shows up at the theater tonight, somebody's going to slap an attachment on him, and your curtain never will go up.
00:53:57 I knew it couldn't happen.
00:54:02 It was too wonderful.
00:54:04 Poor professor.
00:54:06 I wonder where he is.
00:54:08 I went by the hotel, and they said he hasn't been home all night.
00:54:11 Good heavens.
00:54:13 I'll bet he went for that cup of tea.
00:54:15 Cup of tea?
00:54:16 Jimmy, he's with that spare woman.
00:54:18 He's been there all night.
00:54:20 Spare?
00:54:21 I'll get him.
00:54:22 Buck up, kid.
00:54:23 I'm going to get the professor, he's going to get Jersey, and Broadway is going to get us.
00:54:27 Yes.
00:54:29 [door opens]
00:54:32 [door opens]
00:54:59 [door opens]
00:55:01 [door slams]
00:55:21 [screams]
00:55:22 [door opens]
00:55:23 What are you doing here?
00:55:32 Oh, I remember.
00:55:36 You spiked my drink last night.
00:55:38 What happened after that?
00:55:40 I don't know.
00:55:42 Oh, oh, it's terrible!
00:55:45 It's terrible!
00:55:46 After a girl loses her reputation, she ain't hardly got anything left!
00:55:51 What are you going to do?
00:55:53 I can apologize.
00:55:55 Oh, Timmy, do you remember saying last night that if a gentleman compromised a lady, that he had ought to marry her?
00:56:03 [knocking]
00:56:06 Oh, it's my brother.
00:56:08 What are we going to do?
00:56:10 Maybe I can apologize to him.
00:56:12 What are we going to do?
00:56:14 What are we going to do?
00:56:15 Get in here, quick, quick.
00:56:17 Get in the bathroom, get in the bathroom.
00:56:21 Where's that man?
00:56:38 What man?
00:56:39 Don't stall, Nell.
00:56:40 There's a man here, he's been here all night.
00:56:42 Oh!
00:56:43 Oh, Nell.
00:56:44 Nell.
00:56:46 What would mother say?
00:56:48 I didn't think you were that kind of a girl.
00:56:51 Well, I've always acted like a lady.
00:56:53 And when a gentleman spikes your drink, well, what are you going to do?
00:56:58 Gee, it's a shoot.
00:57:05 Well, I'll spike him.
00:57:06 No, no, you mustn't shoot.
00:57:08 Come on.
00:57:10 If you don't come out before I count three, I'll shoot.
00:57:13 One, two, three.
00:57:16 Put that gun away.
00:57:19 Don't shoot.
00:57:20 I'll marry her.
00:57:21 Nell.
00:57:22 Who are you?
00:57:26 I'm a gentleman with scruples.
00:57:28 And I'll marry her.
00:57:29 Nell.
00:57:30 Shut up.
00:57:32 Say, who's making a sacrifice, you or me?
00:57:35 And what right have you got to interfere with this girl's happiness?
00:57:38 Honey, take all of me.
00:57:41 [door closes]
00:57:42 [gunshot]
00:58:09 [gun cocks]
00:58:10 Reservations for Mr. Hancock.
00:58:31 Yes, sir.
00:58:32 Here you are.
00:58:33 Thank you, sir.
00:58:34 Mrs. Morrison's reservations.
00:58:36 Mrs. Morrison.
00:58:37 Yes, three.
00:58:38 I'll go.
00:58:39 Gee, that's great.
00:58:40 Come on, Professor, get right in.
00:58:42 Oh, James, I'll see you later at the theater.
00:58:48 Yeah, yeah.
00:58:49 See you later at the theater.
00:58:51 Here, take him to Jersey and keep him there.
00:58:55 Okay.
00:58:56 Go ahead, step on it.
00:58:57 Reno, Reno.
00:59:06 Why isn't somebody here to help me?
00:59:09 Reno.
00:59:10 Yes, sir.
00:59:11 Put it over there, will you?
00:59:12 Reno, listen.
00:59:13 Where is that gadget you promised me?
00:59:15 That gimmick, that magoo, where is it?
00:59:18 I got it, Mr. Redman.
00:59:19 I got it, yes, sir.
00:59:20 That round masking piece, don't forget it now.
00:59:22 Bring it here where it belongs and stay around where I can find it.
00:59:25 Mr. Redman.
00:59:26 Mr. Redman.
00:59:27 What's the matter?
00:59:28 I've been got in my thing.
00:59:29 Your what?
00:59:30 My thing.
00:59:31 Your thing.
00:59:32 What is it?
00:59:33 Am I a mind reader?
00:59:34 I cannot do a job for me.
00:59:35 Tell me what you...
00:59:36 Reno.
00:59:37 Reno, where are you?
00:59:38 Yes, Mr. Redman.
00:59:39 Take this guy and find his thing, whatever it is.
00:59:42 I'll get your scarf and I'll tell you anything.
00:59:44 Come on.
00:59:45 What's the matter?
00:59:47 Have you seen my dressing room?
00:59:49 What's the matter with your dressing room?
00:59:50 You should take a look at it and then ask me what's the matter with it.
00:59:53 Am I supposed to rebuild the theater?
00:59:55 Oh, how do you expect me to keep my nerves on?
00:59:57 People are this out of me, people are that out of me.
01:00:00 And me giving a performance tonight.
01:00:02 You have got the best dressing room in the...
01:00:04 Reno, Reno, where are you?
01:00:06 Take Mrs. Farron and give her the star room.
01:00:09 The star room.
01:00:10 I can do it.
01:00:11 You're on a tough night.
01:00:12 Oh, boy, they're pouring in, they're pouring in.
01:00:20 Gee, it looks like a sell out.
01:00:27 If we don't give a good smooth performance tonight, the show might get by at that.
01:00:30 Sure we will.
01:00:31 Yeah, yeah.
01:00:33 Say, who's that guy over there with the derby on, that flat footed fellow?
01:00:36 What's he doing in here?
01:00:37 I knew something was going to happen, but I'll take care of him.
01:00:43 All right, all right, come on now.
01:00:45 Was you wanting something, mister?
01:00:49 Yeah, where's the manager of this show?
01:00:51 How do I know?
01:00:52 Well, you'd better find him.
01:00:54 Here's an attachment, joint action, amount $10,000.
01:00:57 $10,000?
01:00:59 A mad bag it fell.
01:01:01 Why, Professor Post will pay it the minute he gets here, if you'll just sit down and wait.
01:01:05 I ain't waiting, young fella.
01:01:07 I've got an injunction and I'm going to close this show.
01:01:10 Yeah, I know, mister, but you can't serve that paper on me.
01:01:14 You've got to serve it to the owner of the show.
01:01:16 That's what I'm asking you.
01:01:17 Where's the owner?
01:01:18 I'm telling you, he'll be here.
01:01:20 Now, here's a nice chair.
01:01:22 Just sit down and rest your feet.
01:01:25 Please.
01:01:26 Don't hold me, don't hold me.
01:01:38 We've got to get the show on or it'll be stopped before we start.
01:01:41 Well, what's the trouble now?
01:01:42 It's the law.
01:01:45 Oh, Jimmy, right back where we were in Vicious Witch.
01:01:50 Yeah, to keep your equilibrium.
01:01:52 You've got to serve the professor and the professor is a dear old Jersey.
01:01:56 Here, I told you girls to stay off that piano.
01:02:00 Stay off the furniture in this place.
01:02:02 Here, here, here.
01:02:05 Clear the stage, please.
01:02:07 Clear the stage.
01:02:08 You're musicians.
01:02:09 Go on, get down, bring it along.
01:02:11 Leave the peanut butter games alone.
01:02:13 You've got work to do.
01:02:14 Clear the stage, will you?
01:02:15 Please, clear the stage.
01:02:16 I want this stage to work.
01:02:17 Go on, get on.
01:02:18 Get on.
01:02:19 Reno!
01:02:29 Yes, Mr. Wright.
01:02:30 Why don't you show somebody where to put that thing?
01:02:33 I want to congratulate you and wish you all the success.
01:02:37 Come on, will you get in there?
01:02:41 Come on, girls, come on.
01:02:42 Yes, come on.
01:02:43 Get over there and wait your performance, will you?
01:02:47 Come on, now, where's that other guy?
01:02:48 Hurry up with that.
01:02:49 Miss Wildman!
01:02:50 Miss Wildman!
01:02:51 Get over there and wait your performance, will you?
01:02:53 You find my thing.
01:02:55 You find my thing, please.
01:02:57 I can't do the job.
01:02:58 I wrote it and I'm here to go to class.
01:03:01 Please.
01:03:02 Get...
01:03:03 Please, boy.
01:03:04 I'll put it, please.
01:03:05 I'll put...
01:03:06 I'll put...
01:03:07 I figure...
01:03:18 Come on, we're late.
01:03:19 We gotta get going.
01:03:20 It's all over now.
01:03:24 Why didn't you stay where you were?
01:03:26 You...
01:03:27 James, James, control yourself.
01:03:29 You know, I was with a new informed taxi man
01:03:33 who took me into a tunnel underneath the Hudson River.
01:03:36 I realized immediately that he was not familiar
01:03:38 with the geography of the city.
01:03:40 And I...
01:03:42 That man.
01:03:46 I will not permit strangers backstage.
01:03:49 I'll object him immediately.
01:03:50 No, no, professor.
01:03:52 Come on, will you?
01:03:54 Get in there.
01:03:56 No!
01:03:57 No!
01:03:58 What are you doing?
01:03:59 Piano.
01:04:06 Hey, man.
01:04:12 I have to have action.
01:04:13 Where is your boss?
01:04:15 I told you he'd be here any minute
01:04:17 if you just sit down and wait.
01:04:18 What kind of guy is he?
01:04:23 Oh, tall man, blonde, dark glasses,
01:04:28 and he walks with a limp.
01:04:29 On account he's got a wooden leg.
01:04:31 Oh.
01:04:32 Get out of my way.
01:04:38 What are you doing here?
01:04:40 I told the professor to fire you.
01:04:42 Listen up there, I'm warning you.
01:04:44 You leave the professor alone.
01:04:45 What?
01:04:46 Why, we're going to be married.
01:04:49 If I didn't know you were lying,
01:04:50 I'd shake the silly little head off you.
01:04:52 I'll do it anyway.
01:04:53 Stop it, you little fool, you.
01:04:55 Professor, professor!
01:04:57 She's gone crazy.
01:04:59 Miss Pansy.
01:05:00 Oh, you little nitwit, you.
01:05:02 All right.
01:05:07 Be brave.
01:05:08 Look sharp beyond your toes now.
01:05:09 Beyond your toes.
01:05:10 All right, flash him.
01:05:12 Take it away.
01:05:13 I want to know what happened last night
01:05:19 and just what that woman means to you.
01:05:21 Well, there was many things happening last night.
01:05:24 But that woman means absolutely nothing to me.
01:05:27 You're not going to marry her?
01:05:29 Certainly not.
01:05:30 Oh, Timsy.
01:05:31 Listen, you're on the stage.
01:05:46 (THUD)
01:05:47 Ladies and gentlemen,
01:06:09 as Lord Chesterfield said,
01:06:11 an honest error is to be pitied and not ridiculed.
01:06:15 (LAUGHTER)
01:06:17 He's screwed, he's played.
01:06:20 Bring down the curtain.
01:06:21 Bring down, bring down nothing.
01:06:23 Keep waiting, I'd curtain you.
01:06:24 Can't you hear them laughing?
01:06:26 Of course they're laughing.
01:06:27 They're kidding the show.
01:06:28 They're not kidding.
01:06:29 They think the professor is part of the show.
01:06:31 Oh, you're...
01:06:32 Now, young ladies,
01:06:33 just line up at that part where we do this.
01:06:36 Just continue.
01:06:38 (ALL SINGING)
01:06:41 (ALL SINGING)
01:06:43 Get that piano.
01:06:49 Get it all.
01:06:50 Due to my unfamiliarity with stage procedure,
01:06:52 there has been a slight departure from routine
01:06:54 in this part of the entertainment.
01:06:56 Drop, drop, drop.
01:06:58 You're kind indulgence, we will continue.
01:07:01 (LAUGHTER)
01:07:06 (LAUGHTER)
01:07:08 (LAUGHS)
01:07:16 The game will entertain.
01:07:18 Why is it every time that I go places,
01:07:24 someone always picks on me?
01:07:25 Tell me, what's the psychology of that?
01:07:28 Why, only this morning I took a walk
01:07:30 with my family of ten children
01:07:32 when a cop comes up to me and says, "Under arrest."
01:07:35 I said, "For what? I didn't do nothing."
01:07:37 He said, "You must have done something
01:07:39 with that crowd following you."
01:07:41 And that's not all.
01:07:43 Why am I always snubbed
01:07:45 by pretty girls in debutantes?
01:07:47 I know I'm not good-looking,
01:07:49 but what's my opinion against thousands of others?
01:07:52 And to add to my humiliation,
01:07:55 last night I went into a drugstore
01:07:57 to get myself a drink of pop,
01:07:59 went out of a clear sky and for nothing,
01:08:01 a guy comes up to me and hits me on the head with a bottle
01:08:03 and said, "Consider yourself launched."
01:08:05 Was I amazed?
01:08:07 Look here, Professor, you've got to keep off that stage.
01:08:11 You're putting this whole show on the fritz.
01:08:13 I was only trying to repair the damage I had done.
01:08:16 Keep off that stage. Get me?
01:08:18 Mr. Rayburn, I shall do my duty as I see it.
01:08:22 And if you dare to interfere, I will expel you.
01:08:25 (GROANS)
01:08:27 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
01:08:30 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES)
01:08:33 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES)
01:08:36 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES)
01:08:40 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES)
01:09:08 Reno! Reno!
01:09:10 -Yes, Mr. Rayburn. -Don't you speak up, Mr. Bubbly.
01:09:12 -Yes, Mr. Rayburn. -Hurry up.
01:09:13 Never in 30 years of the theater.
01:09:15 Just be calm.
01:09:16 Hurry up with those boxes.
01:09:21 (GROANS)
01:09:22 (GROANS)
01:09:23 (GROANS)
01:09:24 -Go on. -Yes, sir.
01:09:27 Hurry up.
01:09:28 Put that stick. Hurry up.
01:09:30 (GROANS)
01:09:32 (GROANS)
01:09:37 Yes, sir, I've asked you now. I'm telling you to keep off backstage.
01:09:41 Get out there and do something.
01:09:52 I don't care what you steal, but do something.
01:09:55 I steal nothing.
01:09:56 Originality, personality, and unction.
01:09:58 -That's me. -Well, get out there and do it.
01:10:06 What do you mean by coming out here and biting my hand?
01:10:09 My brother, my dick is here!
01:10:12 Oh, Mrs. Spear, maybe you could tell me where is my dick?
01:10:19 Give me that bottle, quick!
01:10:24 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:27 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:29 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:31 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:34 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:37 (SIREN WAILING)
01:10:39 (GUNSHOT)
01:11:05 It's all right.
01:11:06 (GUNSHOT)
01:11:32 Send the girls on for the torch number.
01:11:34 Somebody give James a bottle.
01:11:42 Get up there, quick.
01:11:53 Formation.
01:12:01 Move!
01:12:02 Retire!
01:12:03 Retire!
01:12:04 Execute!
01:12:06 You look at my finger!
01:12:08 You got to find the right guy!
01:12:10 Lisa, how do you...
01:12:12 Retire!
01:12:18 Oh, it's a madhouse!
01:12:23 They're crazy! I'm crazy!
01:12:25 -Give me that stone. -Yes, Mr. Wright.
01:12:28 They want stone!
01:12:30 (GRUNTS)
01:12:31 -Give me that stone! -No!
01:12:35 -Where? -It's in the mail, Mr. Wright!
01:12:40 I don't care! Here, get me over here!
01:12:57 Say, who's the owner of this show?
01:13:00 I am.
01:13:02 Oh, boy, you're great.
01:13:07 You've got a funny comeback for everything.
01:13:10 Say, I've caught a lot of comedians,
01:13:14 but you wear the funniest clothes I've ever seen.
01:13:18 (LAUGHS)
01:13:19 I've got to get the professor off this stage.
01:13:41 Now, what do you suggest, Guido? What?
01:13:44 We could put him up at a fly gallery.
01:13:47 Huh?
01:13:48 It's a great idea, Professor.
01:13:51 Professor, I want to be sure that you get a good view of this bicycle race.
01:13:56 Yeah, we want to get your reaction, Professor.
01:13:58 Yes, I want you up in the flies.
01:14:00 -You want me up in the flies? -Yes.
01:14:03 Well, I'm already well up in domestic insects.
01:14:06 Oh, no, no. I want you up in the fly gallery.
01:14:09 I want you to get an uninterrupted view of everything that goes on, you see?
01:14:14 That's very thoughtful of you.
01:14:15 Yes, I just thought of it this minute. Just this minute.
01:14:17 That's just like Mr. Ray Point, Professor.
01:14:19 Always giving somebody else a break.
01:14:21 -Yeah, right up there, Professor. -Yeah, we go up there now, you can see it.
01:14:23 Right up there. Right up there.
01:14:24 Guido, tie him to something.
01:14:26 Yes, sir. Come on. Come on.
01:14:27 Come on.
01:14:28 Come on, Professor. Where's the spanner?
01:14:30 He's right there, Professor.
01:14:31 Come on! Not up there, Professor.
01:14:34 You get dizzy up in those high altitudes.
01:14:36 Here, hang on now. Come here. Here.
01:14:38 Get my hand on the...
01:14:39 What are you doing here? Get over where you are.
01:14:42 Come on.
01:14:43 Where's Jimmy? Where's the spanner?
01:14:45 Where am I?
01:14:46 Reno.
01:14:48 He can't win. He can't win. I've got the bicycle's fixed.
01:14:56 Oh, Father, Father, you must win. You...
01:14:59 A little faster, Charlie. A little faster.
01:15:01 Yes, sir.
01:15:02 Father, Father, what a fight! What a fight!
01:15:05 It's play or pay-up.
01:15:06 It's play or pay-up.
01:15:07 I mean, I don't...
01:15:14 Reno, stop the motor. Stop the motor.
01:15:21 Hey, it's play or pay-up.
01:15:26 Oh, he'll kill himself. He'll kill himself.
01:15:29 Reno, stop the motor. What's the matter?
01:15:32 The main shaft, Mr. Rayburn.
01:15:34 Can't you stop it?
01:15:35 No.
01:15:36 I told you to tie him up there. What's the matter with you?
01:15:45 Hey, what's going on?
01:15:52 Oh, my God.
01:15:53 Hey, what's going on?
01:15:54 Oh, my God.
01:15:55 Hey, no.
01:15:56 Hey, you're hurting him.
01:15:57 You're hurting him.
01:15:58 You're hurting him.
01:15:59 You're hurting him.
01:16:00 You're hurting him.
01:16:01 You're very unfortunate.
01:16:16 I haven't been seen in a week.
01:16:18 Bentley, what...
01:16:22 There has been a slight departure from the...
01:16:27 ...of the business.
01:16:30 Section of the entertainment.
01:16:32 What do you want me to do?
01:16:38 Oh, walk on your hands. I don't care.
01:16:40 Me walk on my hands?
01:16:41 Yeah.
01:16:42 Remember, I'm a...
01:16:43 I'm a...
01:16:44 Get a bike.
01:16:45 Due to a few mishaps, there has been a slight delay in our performance.
01:16:50 But now that we are well organized, we will continue until it's over.
01:16:56 Hey!
01:16:57 Thank you.
01:17:06 Reno.
01:17:16 Yes, Mr. Mayboy.
01:17:17 Can't they stop that psychorama?
01:17:18 No, I told you they broke the main chair.
01:17:20 Oh.
01:17:24 I told you.
01:17:25 Reno.
01:17:27 Shoot him.
01:17:30 They'll think it's part of the show.
01:17:33 (laughing)
01:17:35 Ladies and gentlemen.
01:18:00 Ladies and gentlemen.
01:18:02 What a night.
01:18:09 They listen to them, they still applaud.
01:18:11 It's a smashing.
01:18:14 Listen, Raymond.
01:18:15 You double-crossed me.
01:18:16 Why didn't you show me all this stuff at rehearsal?
01:18:18 Why didn't you tell me the professor was a comedian?
01:18:21 Where is Postman?
01:18:22 Out there somewhere. Out there.
01:18:24 What did I tell you? What did I tell you?
01:18:28 Didn't I tell you we'd knock him dead?
01:18:30 Mr. Billingham's looking for you, Professor Post.
01:18:32 Mr. Billingham.
01:18:33 What do you mean?
01:18:34 Is this Post?
01:18:35 Yes.
01:18:36 Why didn't you say so? I've been looking for him all night.
01:18:39 Are you T.Z. Post?
01:18:41 Yes.
01:18:43 What do you mean, a tall guy?
01:18:45 Can I help him if he shrinks?
01:18:47 From process service?
01:18:48 Hey, what about this injunction?
01:18:51 $10,000 in cost. Are you going to settle it?
01:18:53 James will take care of the matter.
01:18:54 Here he is, Mr. Billingham.
01:18:55 Congratulations, Professor. Congratulations.
01:18:57 You fooled me all right, but you got a hit.
01:18:59 But don't let it go to your head.
01:19:01 Come on, I want to talk business.
01:19:02 This gentleman comes first.
01:19:04 Oh, all right, all right. I can wait.
01:19:06 But remember, don't sell the show till you get my figures.
01:19:09 What about the $10,000?
01:19:10 Oh, don't listen to that piker.
01:19:12 $10,000. I'm talking regular money.
01:19:15 $100,000.
01:19:16 $100,000 for a half-interest in the show.
01:19:19 Now, what do you say?
01:19:20 Take it. Take it.
01:19:21 I accept. Fine. Fine.
01:19:23 I'll have the contract made out the first thing in the morning.
01:19:25 Good night. Good night.
01:19:26 What about our account? Are you going to settle it or not?
01:19:29 Mr. Billingham, our junior partner, takes care of the small details.
01:19:33 Hey! Hey, you!
01:19:34 Miss Pansy.
01:19:38 We're in. We're in. We're in.
01:19:40 What did I tell you? What did I tell you?
01:19:42 Please, do something.
01:19:46 One act. Two acts.
01:19:48 Then everything is all over.
01:19:50 I'm not finding my finger yet.
01:19:52 Now, wait. Wait.
01:19:53 Let us settle this definitely.
01:19:56 What is it you are looking for?
01:19:59 My finger. My finger.
01:20:01 All right, boy. What is this?
01:20:02 It ain't on the prop list.
01:20:04 Ah! Ah!
01:20:07 That's my finger!
01:20:09 That's my finger!
01:20:11 Reno! Reno!
01:20:13 Reno!
01:20:15 That's my finger!
01:20:17 But what is it?
01:20:18 That you put in the mouth.
01:20:21 [Muffled]
01:20:26 Oh, Reno. Reno.
01:20:27 Where's the professor?
01:20:28 I don't know. Maybe he beat it.
01:20:30 All right. Take it away, will you?
01:20:32 Timoleon. Timoleon.
01:20:38 We've got an engagement.
01:20:41 And you're going to have to do plenty of explaining.
01:20:48 I am fully aware of the fact that the events of the past few minutes have not been of a strictly conventional order.
01:20:54 Therefore, I feel it necessary to clarify a situation which otherwise might be filled with doubt.
01:21:00 This I will do through the medium of a much quoted but pungent phrase.
01:21:06 And that's to you.
01:21:08 [Gasps]
01:21:09 Oh! Oh!
01:21:12 [Music]
01:21:25 [Music stops]
01:21:26 [Sound effect]
01:21:30 [Silence]