May mga mommy na nakakaramdam ng lungkot at kaba na hindi maintindihan matapos nila manganak. Ngayon sa #ShareKoLang, pag-uusapan ni Doc Anna ang postpartum anxiety kasama ang first-time mom at aktres na si Kris Bernal.
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00:00I really want to return to the grind, but I don't know why I can't return.
00:07It's like, until now, I haven't returned to who I was before.
00:16Hello, Kapuso!
00:17I'm Dr. Anna Tuazon,
00:19your talkative psychologist in Shareko Lang.
00:22For my fellow mommies,
00:25some of you may have experienced a different kind of pain after giving birth.
00:30Others may be worried about why, instead of being happy with their child,
00:35they feel sad and anxious that they can't understand what they've experienced.
00:41So today, we'll talk about postpartum anxiety
00:46with a first-time mommy, actress Kris Bernal.
00:51Hi, Kris! Welcome to Shareko Lang!
00:53Hi, hello! Hello, first-time mom!
00:56Yes, we're both first-time moms.
00:58So, there are two first-time mommies in this show.
01:01We should really talk about it.
01:03So, please share with us what you experienced as a first-time mom to Hailey Luca.
01:09Is that right?
01:10Yes, Hailey Luca.
01:11I didn't expect it to be this hard.
01:14The pregnancy was easy.
01:17I didn't get sick, and I had a safe delivery.
01:20Everything was smooth.
01:21But then, I didn't expect the 4th trimester to be this hard.
01:25And that, I wasn't prepared.
01:27I thought it would be easy.
01:29But then, there's so much to consider, and there's so much to learn.
01:33It's a long process that I need to learn.
01:37So, it was really hard for me.
01:40I'll be honest, up to this day, I've been envious of other mommies
01:46who are able to go back to work.
01:48Why are they so thin?
01:50Why is their life back to normal?
01:52But I've been like this for 8 months.
01:54I still feel like this.
01:55I'm still having a hard time.
01:57I'm still sad.
01:58Sometimes, I cry.
01:59I really can't figure out what's happening in my life.
02:03Can you share with us a little bit, Chris, about your life before?
02:07Because they say that life is like an artist.
02:09And I'm sure it's not easy.
02:10It's not chill.
02:12Right?
02:13Long hours.
02:14How was your life pre-baby?
02:16And how was your life post-baby?
02:19Pre-baby, of course, I'm a workaholic.
02:22I have my businesses.
02:24We have a restaurant.
02:26I have cosmetics.
02:27I'm very active on social media.
02:30I'm very active on vlogging.
02:32All of a sudden, everything stopped.
02:35As much as I want to return, I keep crying.
02:38Because I really want to return to the grind,
02:41but I don't know if I can return.
02:43Until now, I haven't returned to who I was before.
02:46It's not that I'm in a hurry.
02:48I'm not in a hurry.
02:49In the first months, I was in a hurry.
02:51I want to work out.
02:52I want to look good.
02:53I want to be sexy again.
02:54So that I can return to the showbiz.
02:56But no.
02:57After a long time, I want to focus on my baby.
03:00I'm very hands-on.
03:01I can't leave her.
03:03Even if I have a baby, I can't leave her.
03:06I guess that's the problem with me.
03:08I can't trust anyone to take care of me.
03:11That's why I do it alone.
03:13I do everything alone.
03:14I bathe, I sunbathe.
03:16I do it all.
03:17Because I couldn't trust anyone.
03:19I guess that's where I struggled.
03:21Up to this day.
03:22Now, I closed my Samgyupsal.
03:24Because I can't handle it anymore.
03:26Things like that.
03:27Now, I have work.
03:29I haven't accepted a series yet.
03:32Because I can't do it.
03:33Because of breastfeeding.
03:34I have to breastfeed.
03:35But I have work.
03:36Even if it's online.
03:37Work from home.
03:38I can't do it.
03:40Even if I get free time.
03:42Because I have a lot of things to do.
03:44When my case was filed.
03:45About my baby.
03:46Because it's all about my baby.
03:47Even when I sleep with my baby.
03:49I can't do anything.
03:51So, I admit.
03:52Even if I get paid for my online work.
03:54I have a lot of pending.
03:56I have a lot to cancel.
03:58I'll just tell my client.
03:59Sorry, I can't do it.
04:01You know what?
04:02Why?
04:03I can't do anything.
04:04It's all about my baby.
04:05Why am I crying?
04:08It's frustrating, right?
04:11Because you said.
04:12Technically, you already have help.
04:15And you have your husband as well.
04:17And hopefully, you have family members.
04:19And friends that help out.
04:20But you said.
04:21A part of it is you.
04:22Who can't handle it.
04:24Right?
04:25You can't entrust your child to others.
04:28And then.
04:29You know what's weird?
04:30Because up to this day.
04:32Every time I wake up.
04:33At around 6 to 7.
04:36Even if I'm sleep deprived.
04:38Even if I don't sleep.
04:39I don't know why I wake up at that time.
04:41And between those times.
04:43It's like.
04:44I'm crying.
04:46Because it's our birthday.
04:48And I have a lot to do.
04:50But I can't do it.
04:52And then I'll miss what I'm doing.
04:54And then I'll say.
04:55I'll do it.
04:56I'll vlog today.
04:57I'll fix my schedule.
04:58But I can't do it.
05:00It's like.
05:01I'm frustrated.
05:03Though.
05:04At the back of my mind.
05:05A lot of people are telling me.
05:07It's like.
05:08Enjoy it.
05:09Because.
05:10Time flies.
05:11The baby grows fast.
05:12Enjoy it.
05:13You're lucky.
05:14Because.
05:15You're just at home.
05:16You're with your baby.
05:17You don't have to work.
05:18So.
05:19At the back of my mind.
05:20I'm also thinking.
05:21Okay.
05:22Calm down, Chris.
05:23Don't go back to your work.
05:24Your baby is your priority.
05:27Because.
05:28People always say.
05:29It's okay.
05:30Take things slowly.
05:31Yeah.
05:32But.
05:33I mean.
05:34That's what they told me.
05:35It'll go by in a flash.
05:36Because.
05:37My struggle.
05:38Was the first few weeks.
05:39Because breastfeeding.
05:40Was so hard.
05:41For me.
05:42As in.
05:43Honestly.
05:44I got mad.
05:45Right?
05:46I got mad at motherhood.
05:47It's like.
05:48They didn't tell me.
05:49It's not in the book.
05:50Breastfeeding is hard.
05:51I know.
05:52I know.
05:53Labor pains.
05:54I'm ready for that.
05:55Right?
05:56I know.
05:57They say.
05:58I won't be able to sleep.
05:59I'm ready for that.
06:00But.
06:01That's what I said.
06:02Oh.
06:03That's what I said.
06:04It hurts.
06:05Oh my God.
06:06It hurts.
06:07So.
06:08I had a hard time.
06:09And then the thing is.
06:10They said.
06:11Enjoy it.
06:12That's it.
06:13Right?
06:14It's just so fast.
06:15Well-meaning.
06:16But.
06:17Isn't it.
06:18In a way.
06:19Chris.
06:20It's pressuring.
06:21Maybe you can't let go of it.
06:22Because.
06:23Wait.
06:24I need to be here.
06:25For every milestone.
06:26Because.
06:27Milestones are fast.
06:28I can sense.
06:29Chris.
06:30That.
06:31It's really hard for you.
06:32To let go of the gig.
06:33To let go.
06:34Because.
06:35Being an artist.
06:36It's hard.
06:37That's my source of income.
06:38But.
06:39I don't want to.
06:40I don't do anything anymore.
06:41I know.
06:42My husband can provide.
06:43But.
06:44I'm not the type of person.
06:45That's very dependent.
06:46You know that.
06:47I'm used to.
06:48I have my own.
06:49I have my own job.
06:50I have my own business.
06:51I have my own.
06:52I'm used to that.
06:53But.
06:54It's all gone.
06:55Do you think you can allow yourself.
06:56Okay.
06:57Genuine pause.
06:58Because.
06:59I won't think about it.
07:00When the time comes.
07:01I will.
07:02I will.
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12:20So, you really think a lot.
12:22You remember a lot.
12:24So, I'm curious.
12:25And if you can, you know, humor me a little bit, Chris.
12:29Like if, you know, tomorrow you wake up and all your anxiety, all your anxiety, right?
12:35Let's say you can't get rid of your perfectionism, right?
12:39And what is your dream date with yourself and the baby?
12:45If you can control yourself, right?
12:47If you can control your fears, your anxiety.
12:50Maybe my dream date for me is a date where I can be separated from my baby.
12:58The one where I can be separated.
13:00Where I won't think, I won't think about anything.
13:03That's my dream date for me.
13:05But I don't want to be misinterpreted.
13:06That's why I don't share it on social media.
13:08Because I don't want to be misinterpreted by people who are like,
13:11Oh, you're not happy, you're blaming yourself, you don't want to have a baby.
13:15That's not what I mean.
13:17Maybe I'm just so attached to my baby, I'm so hands-on that I can't go out.
13:24So, my dream date for me is, I can go out, I did this, I vlogged, I shot, I taped, I went back to my business.
13:34When I don't think about my baby, I can be separated.
13:37Because now, I really can't be separated.
13:40This is our chance to normalize for people.
13:42Because you're not the only one who has a yearning for separateness.
13:47And then there's guilt instantly.
13:48Like, wait, am I a bad mom? Because I want her time away.
13:53And at the same time, it's a very reasonable need, actually.
13:58Because we're not just mothers.
14:01We have to have a balanced life.
14:03You need to be happy to be a good mother.
14:07You need to be fulfilled so you have energy for your baby.
14:13And actually, you have a daughter.
14:16And as she grows up, you want to be a role model for her.
14:20What a woman can do.
14:22What a mother can do.
14:24So, actually, that's really important.
14:27So, as much as there are comments like that, we know that they didn't understand.
14:34A mother needs time away?
14:37It's not extended.
14:39But we do need our breaks.
14:41We do need our breaks.
14:42What were the things you were interested in before you had a baby?
14:48I used to watch a lot of TikTok videos.
14:51Then I would do it, I would copy it.
14:53I was addicted to TikTok.
14:54Then I said I wanted to go back to vlogging.
14:56Because my YouTube channel became stable.
14:59I was earning money.
15:00But now, I feel like it's just a job.
15:03I don't need to vlog anymore.
15:05It's tiring.
15:06That's how I feel.
15:07I wasn't like before where I enjoy being around people.
15:12You know, I wonder if, because it's very important.
15:16We have what we call behavior activation.
15:19Especially for depression.
15:21Depression doesn't mean being sad or crying.
15:26Depression is when we lose our motivation.
15:29That's actually more central.
15:31I have no motivation.
15:32I'm not interested anymore.
15:33And yet the thing is, the more you don't do it.
15:36You have limits.
15:38You can't just go without sleeping.
15:41You can't just have a baby even if that's what you actually want to do.
15:46At a certain point, you need these breaks.
15:50Even if it's 5 minutes, 10 minutes.
15:53So that you can at least re-energize.
15:56And then you go back.
15:58At least your worries can be put aside.
16:01What's going to help assure you that I can go back to these other interests?
16:06I just need someone that I can entrust my baby with.
16:09Someone that I know will take care of my baby.
16:12Just like how I take care of my baby.
16:14Or someone that I don't have to worry about what might happen to my baby.
16:18What I heard from your story, from your share, Chris.
16:23Is the importance of support.
16:26You said that it's night and day when you're with your husband.
16:30When he's there.
16:32It's not hopeless.
16:36It's not bleak.
16:38The feeling when you're with someone.
16:41And then when you feel like, wow, I have someone.
16:45I can rely on other people.
16:47That's why I really need it.
16:49Because when I was lacking, the support system.
16:53Of course, I'm not just sharing my experience.
16:59But I want to learn from other moms how to do this.
17:03For example, in breastfeeding, you have to think a lot.
17:08How many hours do you have to store your milk?
17:10When you heat it up.
17:11Things like that, right?
17:12So I just want to learn from others.
17:16That's why I'm a mom.
17:18That's why when I found out for the first time, I was happy.
17:21I said, oh my God, I have someone to talk to.
17:24So what I wish for you.
17:26I wish for you.
17:27That you can find a group of mommies that can ground you.
17:31Not like, hey, calm down.
17:33You can do this.
17:35And if you can, we're here.
17:37Right?
17:38You can see their practices.
17:41We can get inspired by them.
17:43And then actually, they can validate for you.
17:48Hey, actually, you're doing great.
17:51Honestly, you've been a source of help for me.
17:54And it's funny because I'm a psychologist.
17:57Technically, I have some training in this.
18:00But your experience is really different.
18:03There's no training.
18:06There's no book that will make us perfect moms.
18:10Not really.
18:12Yes.
18:13I realized that when I became a mom.
18:15I still have a different view of mothers.
18:18Shocks, I could have been more understanding to them.
18:21I wish I understood my mother better.
18:24Do you have any advice for other mommies
18:27who are going through this struggle?
18:29That's going through anxiety.
18:34That's maybe going through some crisis, right?
18:37As new moms.
18:40Maybe I can say this.
18:44I said this earlier.
18:46Take things slowly.
18:48Be gentle to yourself.
18:50Don't rush.
18:51Take time to heal.
18:53Take time to grow.
18:54Take time to learn.
18:56And it's okay to make mistakes.
18:59Baby won't blame you if you make a mistake.
19:03Because you're still learning.
19:05You're still a learning parent.
19:08Avoid perfectionism.
19:10You need to remove your mistakes.
19:13There's a lot of joy.
19:17There's a lot of joy in the process.
19:19My wish is that you allow yourself to fully enjoy it.
19:24Without guilt.
19:25That you won't be distracted by other expectations.
19:29That you have for yourself.
19:31There will be a next time for that.
19:34And for now.
19:36In a way, it's precious.
19:38Not everyone can enjoy it.
19:41The fact that you are,
19:43I say, stay in that moment.
19:45Don't rush it.
19:46Don't try to get yourself out of it.
19:49Rush yourself out of it.
19:51If there's an opportunity,
19:53and you feel you can,
19:54if you say, okay,
19:56take a deep breath.
19:57Let go.
19:58Back away.
19:59Don't look.
20:00So you won't micromanage.
20:02If you do that often enough,
20:04you'll get used to it.
20:07And for now,
20:08the most important thing for me,
20:11is that you're enjoying.
20:13You're enjoying it.
20:15Even if you cry in the morning,
20:17you enjoy the rest of the day.
20:18Yes, that's right.
20:20Thank you, doctor.
20:22Thank you so much, Chris.
20:24If you want to talk about something,
20:26just leave a comment below.
20:28Or email us.
20:30And I'll just share it at gmaynews.tv
20:33We're also streaming on Spotify,
20:36Apple Podcasts,
20:37and Google Podcasts.
20:39Thanks for tuning in.
21:03Have a great day.
21:33.