What if ginawa ko 'to?"
Ayon kay Maxine Giron, isang psychologist na espesyalista sa ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, kailangang alamin kung may magagawa ka nga ba para mabago ang isang sitwasyong hindi mo matanggap. Dahil kung wala ka namang magagawa, kailangan mo nang mag-move on.
Hindi talaga madaling mag-LET GO. And you know what? Okay lang 'yan.
'Yan at mga paraan para mas maintindihan ang proseso ng pag-move on ang pag-uusapan sa episode na ito ng #ShareKoLang, kasama ang ating safe space na si Doc Anna.
Ayon kay Maxine Giron, isang psychologist na espesyalista sa ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, kailangang alamin kung may magagawa ka nga ba para mabago ang isang sitwasyong hindi mo matanggap. Dahil kung wala ka namang magagawa, kailangan mo nang mag-move on.
Hindi talaga madaling mag-LET GO. And you know what? Okay lang 'yan.
'Yan at mga paraan para mas maintindihan ang proseso ng pag-move on ang pag-uusapan sa episode na ito ng #ShareKoLang, kasama ang ating safe space na si Doc Anna.
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NewsTranscript
00:00Hello mga kapuso, ako si Dr. Anna Tuazon, ang inyong kakwentuhan na psychologist sa
00:16Sharekola.
00:17Meron ka ba naging major life event na nahihirapan kang tanggapin?
00:22Yung kahit anong effort mo magmove on, parang may humihila sa'yo pabalik.
00:28So pagtatapos ng 2024, pag-uusapan natin sa Sharekolang kung ano ang pwede mong gawin
00:34para maging payapa ang pagpapaalam sa taon at maluwag ang inyong simula sa 2025.
00:41At ngayon, makakasama natin si Maxine Giron, isang licensed psychologist at acceptance
00:48and commitment therapy practitioner.
00:51Hello Maxine, welcome to Sharekolang.
00:53Hi Dr. Anna.
00:55Hello, nice to be here.
00:57So okay, so you practice acceptance and commitment therapy or ACT for short.
01:03Ano nga ba ang importanteng malaman natin about ACT and how it differs from, kasi baka
01:10yung iba akala nila pare-pareho lang ang psychotherapy.
01:13So ano yung main thrust ng ACT?
01:17So ACT is one of the approaches or acceptance commitment therapy is one of the approaches
01:22we use in psychotherapy.
01:24It differs from CBT or cognitive behavior therapy because ACT focuses on facing the
01:32distress rather than changing how you perceive it.
01:36So yung iba kasi di ba pag sinabi, tanggapin.
01:38Di ba ko sa Tagalog, tanggapin mo na lang.
01:41Yung iba kasi di ba nagre-resist diyan kasi parang ang passive, pakinggan.
01:45Parang hindi ka lumalaban.
01:47And yet the way you're describing ACT, Maxine, di ba it's actually a very active process.
01:53Sabi mo nga it's acting, it's facing, not running away, not avoiding yung reality or
01:59yung experience.
02:01Correct.
02:02So ano yung mga typical situations in your experience being a practitioner?
02:08Ano yung mga typical scenarios na naghihirapan yung mga tao when it comes to acceptance?
02:14So typical cases or concerns and issues na best gamitin yung ACT is yung mga taong nasa
02:21stock.
02:22So parang kunyari, breakup na mahal ko pa siya pero niloko niya ako, anong gagawin ko?
02:28It is a moment where you're confused.
02:32So meaning meron tayong hinaharap na ayaw natin.
02:36Tapos meron din tayong hinaharap na parang meron tayong tinatawag na intra-psychic conflict.
02:41Meaning we're confused as to how we will approach this because naglalaban mismo yung mga nasa
02:47loob natin.
02:48So yung goal ng acceptance commitment therapy is to look at the situation as what it is
02:54without judgment.
02:56So actually maraming cases like breakups na in the beginning marininig natin na nanghiwalay
03:02kami, binloko na siya, okay?
03:04Pero paano pag nakita na natin?
03:06Which is very common in my clinic because usually I would find clients come back and
03:12say, nakita ko yung ex ko after three months, bumalik ako sa zero.
03:17And I go, this is because you have avoided something and you have unconsciously taught
03:24yourself na hindi ko siya kaya harapin.
03:27So pag dumarating siya, it triggers this whole intra-psychic conflict again of like, di ko
03:32talaga kaya.
03:34So common cases are heartbreaks, people who are stuck, who are in conflict between anong
03:41gagawin ko, right?
03:43Or kaya changing the situation na kung bumalik lang siya, kung mag-sorry lang siya, okay
03:48na ako.
03:49But the question is, paano kung hindi yun mangyari?
03:52Then you will never be okay, right?
03:55So acceptance commitment therapy is, first step nyan is acceptance, meaning we don't
04:00want to change it.
04:01We want to look at it, evaluate it with curiosity, and then look back in ourselves who we are
04:08as people and commit in doing that in approaching the concern.
04:12So in essence, parang ganun yung approach ng ACT.
04:16And so, isa sa mga napansin ko, so there are six principles kasi in ACT, right?
04:21Meaning, these are the things we want the client to equip themselves with or skills.
04:27Unang-una is yung acceptance.
04:29Pangalawang nakikita ko dyan yung detachment from thoughts, meaning meron tayong tendency
04:35na punyara may naisap ako na namimiss ko siya.
04:37Huh?
04:38Ba't ko siya namimiss?
04:39Ba't ko yung naisap?
04:40Siguro hindi pa.
04:41We create so many interpretations from a thought, when in reality it is just a thought.
04:47It doesn't reflect who you are, it doesn't reflect the reality, but people dive into
04:52that thought, tas pinaparami nila.
04:55Ngayon that creates anxiety.
04:57So dahil sobrang dami na ng thought na yun, nakakaroon na sila ng anxiety as their reality.
05:03So then it creates this whole feeling of struggle between their true selves.
05:09Oo, may meaning lagi.
05:11And the thing is, thoughts, I mean, diba, they're just sets of neurons firing.
05:16If we have to detach ourselves talaga.
05:18Parang we can really reduce it.
05:20And thoughts can be true and thoughts can be false in terms of fact-checking.
05:25And thoughts are thoughts.
05:27Correct.
05:28Kasi nasabi sa mga clients ko, huwag kayo agad naniniwala sa thoughts nyo.
05:33Kasi hindi lahat ng iniisip natin totoo.
05:37Ang problema is pag hindi siya totoo, tas nilagyan natin siya ng dugtong, we feel, we
05:45start to be convinced that it is true.
05:48Right?
05:49And what we think eventually influences how we feel, and then it goes back to the thought,
05:55nasa totoo na talaga yung thought.
05:57Which makes everything complicated in fact, yeah.
06:01So sabi mo nga, there are six components to ACT, or six principles.
06:05Kompletuhin lang natin, Maxine, ano yung other four?
06:08So the first one is acceptance, meaning anything you resist will persist.
06:13So pag pinipigilan mo, lalong lumalala.
06:16Second is detachment from thoughts, meaning we want to look at our thoughts as just thoughts.
06:21They're not a reflection of anything true yet.
06:23The third one is present focus.
06:25Kadalasan kasi when we have a thought, or kaya meron tayong longing, bumabalik tayo sa past.
06:31We keep thinking about the past, thinking that it would change.
06:34Or kaya naman future, which causes anxiety.
06:37So the fourth one is, we call it observing self.
06:41Meron kasi tayong thinking self, at meron din tayong observing self.
06:45And then the fifth one is values clarification.
06:48Ibig sabihin, ito yung mga values kasi is our compass.
06:52For example, guilt. Guilt is very heavy.
06:55But guilt reflects na meron kang moralidad or konsensya.
07:02So hindi masamang ma-feel guilty.
07:04So kailangan natin siyang i-observe na san ito nang gagaling?
07:08Anong sinasabi ng emotion na ito?
07:10Instead of us pushing it away.
07:12And then the last one is values enactment, which is kunyari naramdaman natin yung emotion na yun,
07:18naintindihan natin saan siya galing,
07:20how can we be true to ourselves by following that value system?
07:26So the six components of ACT, dalawa yung nagiging components niya,
07:32which is iya-accept natin yung mga bagay without judgment,
07:36while we commit in reflecting to our own values as our compass in approaching the situation.
07:43Parang you need to accept something before you can let go.
07:47Siyempre tayo mga psychologists alam natin yan sa emotions and thoughts.
07:50We need to accept our emotions without judgment.
07:52Kunyari, let's accept our anger, accept our sadness,
07:56accept that it's lonely to end when you're coming out of a relationship.
08:02So kanina breakups, punto naman tayo sa mga ibang common na situation.
08:08How about letting go of your dreams?
08:11Mabigat yan. Malaki yan sa mga kapuso natin.
08:14Yung nag-let go sila ng dream job, ng dream path in life,
08:19yung letting go na kunyari, ah, hindi na ako magkaka-family.
08:25How do you let go of a dream?
08:30Okay. Mabigat yan.
08:33But I'd like to siguro describe or give definition to terms first.
08:40So when we say letting go, it kinda also means that you're accepting it.
08:46Kumbaga tinanggap mo na siya, hindi mo na siya ni-negotiate.
08:49So ano ngayon yung mga bagay na dapat natin tanggapin
08:53at ano yung mga bagay na kaya pa natin baguhin.
08:56So anything, when we talk about acceptance and the opposite of it which is control,
09:02anything within our control na kaya natin magawa ng paraan,
09:08yun yung mga bagay na makukommit natin.
09:11Sa kabilang part naman yung talagang hindi na natin hawak or kontrolado.
09:15For example yun, yung sinasabi nating mga dreams.
09:18Kunyari lang, unfortunately, may for some reason,
09:21hindi na talaga pwede mangyari yung dream na yun and it is within,
09:25outside of our control, we need to accept it.
09:28And some of that could include timing or kaya yung other people's actions.
09:35Kunyari, di mo alam kung babalik pa siya and you have to accept and let that go.
09:40Why? Because the truth is this, kahit isipin natin siya everyday,
09:46kahit hawakan natin siya everyday, it will not affect because it's not in our control.
09:52The brain kasi has a tendency to think about something over and over
09:57because it gives us a fake sense of control.
10:02I like to illustrate this point as kunyari lang,
10:05today is Monday and I have plans on Sunday and Sunday is very important to me.
10:11Tapos ayokong umulan, weather.
10:14So kahit Monday hanggang Saturday, may namonitor ko yung weather,
10:18sana hindi umulan, it doesn't change the weather on Sunday.
10:23So I need to let that go, meaning accept that I cannot control the weather on Sunday
10:29but I can commit na on Sunday kung umulan ito gagawin ko, kung hindi ito gagawin ko.
10:34Meaning we focus our attention and energy on the things within our control.
10:40So for example, a dream that used to be so important to us
10:44and for some reason it's just not gonna happen,
10:47kahit na mag-isip tayo na what if ginawa ko to, sana ginawa ko to, paano kung gawin ko to,
10:54the truth is this, ang sakit man sabihin but it is a waste of time
10:59at sinasaktan lang natin yung sarili natin
11:02because there's absolutely nothing we can do about it anymore.
11:06And that's okay because we can still commit to something
11:09na parang pwede tayo mag-reflect dun na bakit ko nga ba gusto yung dream job na yun
11:13because yung value system dun, pwede ko pa yun i-express on something else.
11:19So it's difficult but una natin kailangan go in is to understand may magagawa ba ako?
11:27Kasi kung meron, we need to commit to it.
11:30Pero kung wala, we need to let it go and accept it.
11:35I think baka hindi na malayan ng iba pero as a fellow practitioner,
11:40meron ka-important na sinabi is the opposite of acceptance is control
11:44because I don't think a lot of people realize na yun yung opposite.
11:47Isang misconception nila is if I don't accept it, then it means I'm still solving it.
11:53That's why a lot of people think to accept is to give up,
11:57is to be passive, is to be resigned to something na parang sige tanggapin ko na lang.
12:03Lalo pag sa Tagalog, nag-re-feel mo talaga yung passivity.
12:06Sige, tatanggapin ko na lang.
12:08Sabi, ay, nagpapakamartir ka.
12:11Yung connotation eh, yung pagtanggap na ayaw mo na magbago yung realidad mo.
12:17And what you're saying is actually, hindi naman lahat i-accept natin.
12:23What we are accepting is something that we have no choice but to accept.
12:28Kasi ito na yung reality.
12:30These are the things outside of our control.
12:32Weather, traffic.
12:34Correct.
12:36You know that there are these gatekeepers in every job, dream job, etc.
12:43And actually, the more natanggap natin na wala tayong control doon,
12:47then sabi mo nga, it's a waste of time because time is precious.
12:51Because the time we spend wishing on the what-ifs,
12:54we can use that towards the things na may control talaga tayo.
12:58Nasabi mo nga, okay, kung hindi pwede sa company na to,
13:01let's say my dream job is nakatali doon sa specific company.
13:04And at least for the moment, for the present,
13:07medyo walang movement in terms of actualizing that dream.
13:12Yes.
13:13Kung baga, hindi naman parkit hindi na siya nangyari doon.
13:17Hindi na siya pwede mangyari ever.
13:19So for example, tama yun, meron tayong gustong dream,
13:23eh kaso hindi talaga siya timing today.
13:25My first question to that person is, bakit mo gusto yun?
13:28What is going on inside of you that really pushes you to pursue that?
13:34Huwag natin siya sayangan kasi totoo yun sayo, eh.
13:37Importante siya sayo.
13:38Humanap tayo ng ibang paraan or options na magiging totoo ka pa rin sa sarili mo
13:44pero sa ibang bagay na kontrolado mo na, right?
13:48Kasi ang nangyayari when we ruminate or we focus on the things that we can control,
13:53again, nasa stock tayo lalo.
13:55Ibig sabihin, kasi kung dati sana, kung dati sana.
13:59And then, because you start to negotiate with something you cannot change,
14:04you're basically putting less and less hope in you, right?
14:09So acceptance to me is like this.
14:13You see it for what it is.
14:15Instead of wasting your energy changing it,
14:19you're going to use that energy to cope through it, right?
14:24Kumbaga hindi na natin ito mababago.
14:26We need to accept the fact that this is what it is.
14:28And acceptance commitment therapy kasi is for me the most effective way
14:33to understand yourself as well.
14:35Kasi hindi na para natin tinuturo sa mga tao or even sa sarili natin
14:40na hindi mawawala ang problema ng buhay, right?
14:44Hindi natin siya pwedeng iwasan.
14:46And then minsan, parang kung hindi pa nila talaga,
14:49wala pa sila doon, completely moved on or accepted the whole...
14:55It's a process of grieving when you end something
14:58or when you let go of a dream, di ba?
15:01May grief din yun.
15:02So pag hindi pa sila doon, minsan sabihin ka talang,
15:04ang i-accept na lang natin na impatient ka.
15:08Accept the impatience without judgment, with kindness.
15:11It's okay, I know this is what I need to go through
15:14and I'm also accepting that there is impatience in here.
15:18That's why it's even harder to go through.
15:21Correct. That's a really nice one.
15:23Just accept that this is what you're feeling today.
15:27I agree with that.
15:28So merong iba, aside from, kasi talagang breakups,
15:32and there are other life events also na talagang may hirap tanggapin
15:37and perhaps, yun na nga, wala tayong choice pero tanggapin.
15:41Pero ang hirap pa rin kahit alam natin wala tayong choice.
15:43Of course.
15:44Ang hirap pa rin, which is, for example,
15:46if something changes in our lives na hindi reversible.
15:50So kunyari, chronic conditions.
15:53Di ba yung mga people with chronic pain?
15:56You find out you have diabetes, asthma, you know, things like that.
16:01And I know ACT kasi is used really well as a pain intervention for this.
16:10Pero when it comes, kasi yung breakup, parang in a way,
16:14merong kapag-sense, oh makakamove on ako dyan.
16:16After a while, talaga genuinely moved on na ako.
16:20What about things that stay with you?
16:23Di ba? Accepting the things that stay with you.
16:26That's a really good one.
16:28I like what you said there about pain,
16:30na it is actually really used for even body sensations.
16:35I don't know if you've seen yung mga ice bath.
16:38Yung mga players, di ba, pag mga athletes.
16:41And you know when you dip your arm in a bowl full of ice,
16:45di ba masakit siya? Parang it's very uncomfortable.
16:49But if you notice the mechanism behind why can people do this?
16:53Yung nakalubog sila sa sobrang sakit yun eh.
16:56Masakit yung sensation in the body.
16:58It's really them breathing through it.
17:02Meaning, they put a distance between the pain
17:06and how they're perceiving it.
17:08How?
17:09It's when you get yourself immersed in something uncomfortable.
17:14Our instinct is, ayo ko to!
17:16But if you...
17:19Mas dumadali siya.
17:20Of course, nandun pa rin yung sakit, yes.
17:23But there's another concept and act na tinatawag natin
17:26na parang distancing yourself or observing yourself.
17:30When we create this space na medyo kaya natin siya matolerate,
17:35that's why one of the things I encourage my clients to do is
17:39don't use your symptoms as who you are.
17:44That's why we don't want any diagnosis to be that person's identity
17:48because we can get fused in it.
17:51So ang lago sinasaba sa mga clients ko is,
17:53pag dumarating na yung anxiety.
17:55Because if we think we are the anxiety,
17:57then how we create a solution if we think we are the problem.
18:01So in terms of pain and really being immersed into something chronic,
18:07sometimes we have to create na hindi lang naman ako yung pain na to.
18:11There's more to me than what's happening.
18:14There's more to me than just having this disorder.
18:18I'm a good mom, I'm a parent, I'm a friend.
18:21And so we create ways to allow that experience to be there
18:25without changing it.
18:26But it's not all that there is to it.
18:29Meron pang isa eh.
18:30Kasi yung iba, iniisip nila.
18:31Pag sinabi mo kasi, oh acceptance.
18:34Parang you encourage them to accept.
18:36Parang iba, oh you're napaka-invalidating mo naman.
18:39Parang they get offended sometimes.
18:41Tanggapin mo na lang.
18:44Again, sa Tagalog talaga, tanggapin mo na lang.
18:47Move on ka na.
18:49So how can we encourage people towards acceptance
18:54in a manner na hindi naman nakaka-invalidate?
18:57Para siguro sa mga well-meaning friends and loved ones
19:00who want to encourage others.
19:04I really like that.
19:05Kunyari lang, I'll use an example.
19:07Let's say may gathering na family reunion.
19:10Tapos makikita na naman natin si tita or si lola or si relative
19:13or si anyone na lagi sinasabi,
19:14oh tumaba ka or bakit wala ka pang asawa, yung mga ganyan.
19:17Very invalidating.
19:19Acceptance in that sense means ganoon talaga si tita.
19:23But it doesn't mean na mataba ako.
19:27It's not about you.
19:29It's about accepting that they are the way that they are
19:32and how they respond and treat you is a reflection of themselves
19:37and not you.
19:38Kung naiintindihan ko na that's really just how she is,
19:42hindi ko itotolerate yun.
19:43So I will commit to my values of self-respect, confidence,
19:48that I would assert myself,
19:49I would assert myself, tita.
19:50Naiintindihan ko na ganito.
19:52Some people, pag tinitignan natin yung context na,
19:54yeah, muna magmove on ka na.
19:56I always look at intentions.
19:58Maybe she doesn't know what else to say.
20:00Maybe she's doing that because in her mind, okay na yun
20:04or kaya uncomfortable siya.
20:07Siya mismo, ayaw niya magstay doon sa sad, unpleasant emotions.
20:12Correct.
20:13Kung baga, nai-impose natin na sinasabi niya yun kasi ganito ako.
20:17Sinasabi niya yun kasi yun siya.
20:20So let's always, ang lago sinasabi is,
20:22how will you respond to that?
20:24Because that gives you the power to understand that it's not about you
20:27and it gives you the ability to become true to yourself
20:31as you respond to that very invalidating comment.
20:36So Maxine, actually we asked yung mga kapuso,
20:39kung ano para sa kanila yung ibig sabihin ng acceptance and move on sa buhay.
20:45Actually, ang ganda nung mga response nila.
20:47Sabi ko, mga psychologist ba ito?
20:50Yung isang kapuso, sabi niya,
20:52acceptance is the bridge between heartache and healing.
20:56It's not about erasing the past but embracing the present.
21:01Moving on doesn't mean forgetting.
21:04It means learning to carry the memories with grace
21:07and finding strength in letting go.
21:10O, diba?
21:12Wow!
21:13Andun na lahat yata nung act, principle.
21:15Exactly.
21:16Kumbaga, tinignan niya yung experience niya.
21:18It wasn't negative or bad that I need to change.
21:22It happened for a reason.
21:24And what did that teach me?
21:25That I can accept today as part of who I am
21:28and use that to move forward in life.
21:31Beautiful.
21:33Acceptance means you're just being in the present.
21:36That's what it means.
21:37Acceptance keeps you in the present
21:40and that's why acceptance keeps you moving.
21:43Exactly.
21:45May isa pang kapuso, sabi niya,
21:47acceptance is acknowledging the choices made in life
21:50whether you gained nothing or something.
21:53Moving on is learning to live with your past experiences,
21:58whether they were good or bad,
21:59as they have shaped who I am today.
22:02It is the past that has made me who I am.
22:06O, diba yung pananaw niya about the past?
22:08Yeah.
22:09Talagang na-accept niya,
22:10maganda, masama ang nangyari,
22:13it made me who I am today.
22:15So, today is still in the present.
22:18Parang I go, wow.
22:20Ang galing nung answer na yun
22:21kasi actually that's how you can heal your trauma.
22:24Meaning, yes, it happened.
22:26There's nothing I can do about it anymore.
22:28Not to say that trauma is something
22:30that we can just downplay and minimize,
22:32but allowing yourself to say,
22:34kasi kadalasan when we react,
22:36it means that there is something in us
22:38that is unhealed yet,
22:39or we didn't want to process,
22:40and so we hate that part of us.
22:43One of the things I try to reframe thoughts
22:46when things are very distressing
22:48is that maybe that time,
22:51that's all you knew what's best.
22:53Maybe that time,
22:54you were doing your best with the resources you had,
22:57and you can't blame yourself
22:58for choosing what you thought was best
23:00during that time,
23:01because it equipped you today
23:03to use your experiences there
23:05to become a better human being moving forward.
23:12Yung iba namang mga kapuso natin,
23:14parang tinanong din kasi namin,
23:16ano yung mga first step nila
23:18para makamove on
23:19wala sa major life event?
23:21Yung isa, umiyak ng umiyak,
23:23which is, it's very,
23:25sabi, minsan sometimes,
23:26di ba, we just normalize.
23:28It makes sense.
23:29You've gone through something messy,
23:32unpleasant,
23:33na nag-blindside sayo.
23:35It makes sense to have strong emotions about that.
23:40I'm curious about what you think about this one.
23:43Yung isa ka po sa sabi niya,
23:44unfriend anyone who made me suffer.
23:48What would ACT say about that?
23:51I would like to create a difference
23:54between suffering,
23:56meaning if it's abusive,
23:58that it causes your safety to be compromised,
24:01definitely.
24:02But if it's inconvenient,
24:04it reminds you of something,
24:06again, if we do not face it kasi,
24:09ang nangyayari is natututunan natin
24:11na hindi ko talaga kaya.
24:13So when we avoid something
24:15that we know we can do,
24:17but it makes us somehow uncomfortable,
24:19we are actually teaching ourselves na,
24:21again, not being able to learn
24:24how to overcome that.
24:25But again, I'm drawing a line between safety.
24:27Obviously, pag safety,
24:29hindi ka talaga okay don,
24:30harmful na siya,
24:31definitely.
24:32Lalo na pag abuse.
24:33Because if you are constantly
24:36allowing that in your life,
24:38it can change your thought process.
24:40Right?
24:41Abuse can create realities
24:44that are not your truth.
24:46To the point, minsan nga
24:47sa sobrang lalanong abuse,
24:48nagkakaroon na ng
24:49hindi ko alam yung katotohanan.
24:50Pag dumarating na sa ganung point,
24:52definitely cut them out.
24:54But if it's something that
24:56ayaw mo lang maalala just because,
24:59I'd suggest na,
25:01sabi ko nga ganito yan eh,
25:03kunyari breakup,
25:04tas nakita niya yung photos, di ba?
25:06Sabi ko,
25:07the worst thing already happened,
25:09which is the breakup.
25:10Ibig sabihin,
25:11that's the worst thing that could happen
25:12in the relationship.
25:13Maghiwalay kayo at magkaroon siyang iba.
25:14Those already happened,
25:16and you survived it.
25:18So looking at a picture
25:20will not hurt as much as that,
25:22but it's grounding you to the reality.
25:24Kasi ang nangyari,
25:25pag binablock natin siya,
25:27hindi tayo nakaground
25:28sa totoong reality,
25:30gumagawa tayo ng
25:31baka mamaya iniisipan niya ako,
25:32and we comfort ourselves
25:34with things that are not real.
25:36Therefore,
25:37pag nakonfront tayo nung real,
25:38parang, ah,
25:39ang sakit!
25:40Kasi hindi siya nagmatch
25:41dun sa gusto mo.
25:43So confronting the reality
25:45means,
25:46kakayanin mo to,
25:47kasi kinaya mo na yung worst thing.
25:49Mahirap, oo,
25:50but that will just give you
25:52the opportunity to face
25:54the reality of life,
25:56and it will equip you
25:57to overcome it.
25:58Kung baga,
25:59hindi ka matatalo
26:00kung haharapin mo,
26:01kasi natututunan mo
26:02yung sarili mo
26:03magkaroon ng skills
26:05para ma-overcome
26:06yung mga darating pang problema.
26:09At saka, di ba,
26:10pag ayaw mo kang harapin
26:12yung masakit,
26:13and then sinubukan mo,
26:14di ba,
26:15yun na nga,
26:16i-avoid,
26:17o i-compartmentalize.
26:18Kung kanina sa time,
26:19parang you're freezing
26:21that moment in time.
26:22So actually,
26:24paradoxically,
26:25pino-prolong mo.
26:27Yung sinasabi sa mga tao,
26:28parang it's sort of
26:29counterintuitive, di ba?
26:30The more you refuse to accept,
26:31the longer the actual suffering
26:33will be.
26:35But if you don't freeze it
26:37in time,
26:38you allow the natural course of,
26:40di ba, parang,
26:41okay, eventually,
26:42di ba, everyday,
26:43it gets a little bit,
26:44di ba?
26:45I mean, not,
26:46hindi naman linear,
26:47minsan may talagang
26:48rollercoaster.
26:49Parang waves of emotions.
26:50Yes.
26:51But still,
26:52you allow the,
26:53di ba,
26:54nature's course
26:55to take its place.
26:56Correct.
26:57But if you sort of,
26:58with your thoughts
26:59and in your emotions,
27:00di ba,
27:01kinahon mo,
27:02freezes mo,
27:03that's why every time
27:04you look back,
27:05it's still as scary.
27:06Yes.
27:07Yes.
27:08Meron nga ako analogy diyan
27:09recently eh.
27:10Because I have a son,
27:114 years old na lalaki
27:12na magulo,
27:13syempre ang daming energy.
27:14Pag nasasaktan yung anak ko,
27:15tas nagkakasugat siya,
27:16this is how I look at it eh.
27:17Parang physical wound,
27:19let's say nagkasugat
27:20yung anak ko,
27:21and because ayaw niya
27:22laging ng gamot,
27:23masakit,
27:24ganun din tayo eh,
27:25we want band-aid.
27:26So yung anak ko,
27:27sasabihin niya,
27:28Mom, can I have band-aid?
27:29So pag nilagyan natin
27:30yung sugat ng band-aid,
27:33without treating it,
27:34nakakaroon ng infection.
27:36Right?
27:37And so ang nangyayari,
27:38nakakaroon siya ng,
27:39hindi na siya dumudugo,
27:40pero meron siyang skin on top,
27:42and that infection,
27:43pag napipindot,
27:44sobrang sakit.
27:46So like a psychological wound,
27:48okay na yan,
27:49huwag na natin isipin yan,
27:50okay na yan.
27:51Tapos may nag-trigger
27:52that reminds you of that,
27:53sobrang sakit.
27:55Ibig sabihin,
27:56in therapy,
27:57like a physical wound,
27:59we want to be able
28:00to open it again
28:01to drain it out.
28:03Meaning,
28:04we have to talk about it again
28:06for you to understand
28:07those feelings
28:08and drain it out
28:09because that's where
28:10true healing happens.
28:12And I was just talking
28:13to one of my good friends,
28:14sabi niya sakin,
28:15ganda nung analogy na yun
28:16kasi ang doctor siya,
28:17he explained to me that
28:19an infection
28:21na hindi ginamot,
28:23pumupunta sa dugo,
28:25pumupunta sa buong katawan.
28:27Similar to a psychological wound
28:29na yung takot mo dito,
28:30lumalaki siya,
28:31napupunta rin siya
28:32sa iba't-ibang
28:33aspeto ng buhay mo.
28:35So,
28:36don't take the shortcut
28:38because the shortcut
28:39will continue to damage
28:40many other things,
28:42right?
28:43And you're not being true
28:44to yourself.
28:45Kaya nga sabi ko yung,
28:46patulad ng physical
28:47na nag-workout,
28:48yung lifestyle change
28:50is the one that we want
28:52compared to the quick result.
28:54So,
28:55don't take the shortcut.
28:57There's nothing
28:58around it,
28:59only through it.
29:01Okay,
29:02and with that,
29:03thank you, Maxine.
29:05So, sana,
29:06meron pa tayong
29:07a few,
29:08you know,
29:09a few days, mga kapuso,
29:10para at least,
29:11kung naniniwala kayo
29:12sa pagpag, diba?
29:13Para by the time
29:14mag-2025,
29:15diba?
29:16Less burdens.
29:17Let's choose
29:18what we want to take with us
29:20to the new year,
29:22diba?
29:23So,
29:24ayan, thank you, Maxine.
29:25Thank you, Dokana.
29:26And thank you for sharing
29:27with us today.
29:29With the end of 2024,
29:32kami din sa Shareko Lang
29:33ay magpapaalam.
29:35After four years
29:37of sharing stories
29:38of emotional truths,
29:40of adversity,
29:41and of triumph,
29:43this will be
29:44our last episode.
29:46Our team behind the scenes
29:47ay binupoon ng mga tao
29:49na ang simpleng hangarin
29:50ay magbigay insight
29:52na hindi natin
29:53madalas naririnig,
29:54at mag-alloc ng informasyong
29:56makakatulong
29:57sa ating kapwa Pilipino.
29:59Sana ay nakapagbigay
30:01linaw at kinhawa
30:02ang aming munting palabas,
30:04whose episodes
30:05will remain available online.
30:08Once again,
30:09thanks for sharing,
30:10mga kapuso.
30:17music plays
30:47music fades out