• last year
Sam and Janet-SD
Transcript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
00:00:10 My parents always told me to try and help people.
00:00:28 I figured the best way to do that was to become Superman.
00:00:31 I found out early on that wasn't gonna happen.
00:00:34 So I went to college, got married, and
00:00:36 became a middle school counselor in Oklahoma City.
00:00:38 The job worked, the marriage didn't.
00:00:40 Let me give you some advice from a counselor.
00:00:44 If you're gonna get married,
00:00:45 you need to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
00:00:47 Maybe that's what she was looking for.
00:00:49 I was just never able to make the Superman thing happen.
00:00:53 [MUSIC]
00:01:03 [MUSIC]
00:01:13 [MUSIC]
00:01:23 [MUSIC]
00:01:33 [MUSIC]
00:01:58 [MUSIC]
00:02:08 The floor's granted.
00:02:19 [MUSIC]
00:02:29 [MUSIC]
00:02:47 [MUSIC]
00:03:09 [MUSIC]
00:03:34 [MUSIC]
00:04:01 Let me put this in terms you can understand.
00:04:05 More sex.
00:04:07 >> You probably still have some ass before you marry a steward in the freezer.
00:04:12 >> Yeah, just thought out.
00:04:13 That's what I'd do.
00:04:15 If I had any ass in the freezer.
00:04:17 Take a look around you at all the hot chicks in here.
00:04:20 You work at a school?
00:04:21 I'll be at a public school.
00:04:22 Do the math.
00:04:23 It's like a chick buffet.
00:04:24 You got your white meat, your dark meat, lots of protein.
00:04:29 >> Evan, it's clear our boy here doesn't like the menu.
00:04:32 We're gonna have to go to a nicer buffet.
00:04:35 Perhaps a smorgasbord?
00:04:39 >> Different species.
00:04:40 >> No. >> All you can eat.
00:04:42 >> No.
00:04:43 Hey, no.
00:04:44 >> Come on, get out of here.
00:04:45 Go see the manager.
00:04:47 >> Yeah, make it soul number one.
00:04:49 >> No.
00:04:50 >> Gentlemen, we have a special guest with us tonight.
00:04:54 He's just finalized his divorce.
00:04:57 Let's hear it for Sammy Vance.
00:05:00 [APPLAUSE]
00:05:02 [MUSIC]
00:05:12 >> I'm never getting married again.
00:05:23 [MUSIC]
00:05:33 >> I have a really good picture I want you to try it.
00:05:40 >> I'm glad you suggested it.
00:05:42 >> I told his cheating ass to shut the hell up, he was gonna wake up the baby.
00:05:45 He called me a bitch, yeah, I know.
00:05:49 I went upside his head with my fist.
00:05:50 >> Yeah, I know, if he wants that bitch, he can have her.
00:05:54 You know, hang on just a second.
00:05:58 Hi, would you guys like smoking or not?
00:06:00 >> Not. >> Okay.
00:06:02 So you're Dustin's girlfriend?
00:06:03 >> Yeah, how'd you know?
00:06:05 >> You guys know each other?
00:06:06 >> He told me where you worked.
00:06:08 I can see why he kicked your ass out.
00:06:10 >> Obviously.
00:06:11 >> And another thing, if you wanna call me a bitch, then say it to my face.
00:06:15 >> Here we go.
00:06:16 >> Get off me, you stupid.
00:06:18 [MUSIC]
00:06:29 >> Hey.
00:06:30 [MUSIC]
00:06:40 >> This one's better.
00:06:43 [MUSIC]
00:06:46 >> That's good.
00:06:47 [MUSIC]
00:06:48 >> I'll never go to a bar with a guy on a date on a Saturday.
00:06:52 If you go to a crowded bar on a Saturday and there's a cuter guy there,
00:06:56 total upgrade.
00:06:57 [MUSIC]
00:06:58 >> I dated a baseball player once.
00:07:00 >> Lipo or baking shit.
00:07:01 [MUSIC]
00:07:03 >> His name's Clint.
00:07:04 >> My ex-boyfriend thought I was psycho.
00:07:06 >> Back that, you know.
00:07:07 [MUSIC]
00:07:09 >> And then the upgrade's gonna peg me with having this loser boyfriend.
00:07:13 >> Started dating a guy named Richard, who I had dated before I dated Clint.
00:07:17 >> The truth is, all girls are psycho.
00:07:19 >> Ass.
00:07:20 [MUSIC]
00:07:22 >> My ex-boyfriend, Russ, who I had dated before any of these guys except for Adam.
00:07:27 >> Drive by your house late at night.
00:07:29 >> So I just go on first dates on Sundays.
00:07:31 >> If I get lipo, it's gonna take away all my vacation money.
00:07:34 [MUSIC]
00:07:36 >> I was dating somebody when I met him.
00:07:38 >> Who was I dating when I met him?
00:07:40 >> Log on to the Internet for your profile.
00:07:42 >> But I'm not going to go on vacation without lipo.
00:07:44 [MUSIC]
00:07:46 >> Every time I saw him, he had a different girl around.
00:07:48 >> But I'm not like that.
00:07:49 >> Ew.
00:07:50 [MUSIC]
00:07:54 >> Have you seen the dessert menu?
00:07:55 >> That way, if the guy turns out to be a total geek, I can soak it out of it earlier.
00:07:59 >> You can always do the whole, oh, God, I have to get up and go to work early tomorrow.
00:08:03 >> That routine.
00:08:05 >> Yeah.
00:08:06 >> All I'm trying to say is, if you need an upgrade, it's just meant to be.
00:08:10 >> You believe in destiny, don't you, Sam?
00:08:12 >> Yeah. Yeah, I do.
00:08:14 >> Well, we better run. I got to get up for work early tomorrow.
00:08:18 >> Yeah, Mondays can be.
00:08:20 [MUSIC]
00:08:27 >> Oh, hi, Sam.
00:08:29 >> Hey, Sharon.
00:08:30 >> How are you?
00:08:33 >> I'm good.
00:08:35 >> Oh, good.
00:08:37 >> Yeah, I have a student, so I'm going to --
00:08:41 >> Oh, right, yeah, I've got to teach class.
00:08:44 >> Listen, maybe I'll see you in the teacher's lounge later.
00:08:50 >> See how this one's taller than this one? I hate that.
00:08:52 That's why I wear this one, the whole horizontal thing.
00:08:54 It makes it look shorter, don't you think?
00:08:56 And this one is seasonal, because the iguana comes out in the summer.
00:09:00 And this one --
00:09:01 [MUSIC]
00:09:09 >> Hi, Sam.
00:09:10 >> How are you?
00:09:11 >> Good.
00:09:12 >> You're good to go, my friend.
00:09:13 >> Thank you, sir.
00:09:14 >> Have a good workout, Sam.
00:09:15 [MUSIC]
00:09:38 >> Need a spot?
00:09:41 >> Thanks.
00:09:43 >> You're welcome.
00:09:45 [MUSIC]
00:09:56 [MUSIC]
00:10:06 [MUSIC]
00:10:17 >> Need a spot?
00:10:19 [MUSIC]
00:10:23 >> The Cat is the Rick and Brad Morning Show 726.
00:10:25 We've got tickets to the sold-out Molly's Yes Show at the Ricktown Brewery next month.
00:10:29 Keep it here, we'll let you know when to call in to win.
00:10:31 Here's Molly's Yes Now with The Cat.
00:10:35 >> Mr. Eadney?
00:10:36 >> Yeah.
00:10:39 Hey, Darian, Melanie.
00:10:42 >> What's wrong with the water treatment?
00:10:45 >> Oh, it's just getting a drink.
00:10:48 >> Well, I'll see you later.
00:10:50 >> I know today's not a regular session, but can I talk to you about boys?
00:10:54 All boys want to have sex.
00:10:56 I walk down the hall and it's just like--
00:10:58 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:59 What boys?
00:11:00 >> All of them.
00:11:01 I want boys to like me and stuff, but I don't think I should have sex until I'm--
00:11:05 >> You're older.
00:11:06 >> No, until I'm in love, you know, really in love with someone.
00:11:12 >> Well, I think that sounds like a good idea.
00:11:15 >> But they don't care about love.
00:11:17 They're missing out on the greatest feeling in life.
00:11:21 That's why I think they're stupid.
00:11:25 >> I'm not going to argue with you there.
00:11:28 Look, I'll tell you what.
00:11:29 Will you do me a favor?
00:11:32 Will you come talk to me before you fall in love?
00:11:35 >> I can't.
00:11:36 I won't know.
00:11:37 It just happens.
00:11:38 >> Right, but if you start feeling like it's happening, will you come talk to me?
00:11:45 >> Hey, good evening.
00:11:46 Don't be stupid.
00:11:47 I'm not old enough to fall in love.
00:11:48 I have to go to class.
00:11:50 Thanks for talking to me again.
00:11:52 >> Okay, well, hey, my door's open anytime, so come by.
00:11:57 And hey, don't listen to what those boys say.
00:11:59 Boys are--they're stupid.
00:12:04 [train rumbling]
00:12:07 >> Take care.
00:12:16 >> Bye.
00:12:17 >> Bye.
00:12:18 [train rumbling]
00:12:22 [bells jingling]
00:12:25 [train whistle blowing]
00:12:35 >> Great band.
00:12:42 [train whistle blowing]
00:12:46 [train rumbling]
00:12:49 >> You going to the concert?
00:12:53 >> You're going?
00:12:54 Take care.
00:12:56 [train rumbling]
00:12:59 >> Most magazines recommend 100 grams of protein a day.
00:13:12 I personally like to take in about 200 grams before noon,
00:13:16 because I don't know where my next bar of shakes is going to come from,
00:13:18 and I've got to stay up until 1030.
00:13:20 Now, the reason--
00:13:21 >> Were you asking about Molly's Yes?
00:13:24 >> Uh, yeah.
00:13:25 Yeah, I love them.
00:13:26 >> Yeah, they're playing in Bricktown next month.
00:13:28 >> I heard on the radio.
00:13:30 >> You going?
00:13:31 >> Sold out.
00:13:33 I'm Sam.
00:13:35 Evening.
00:13:36 >> Evening.
00:13:37 >> No evening.
00:13:38 It's my last name.
00:13:39 >> No, it's just a joke.
00:13:40 Sorry.
00:13:41 Janet Clark.
00:13:42 I've actually heard about you.
00:13:44 >> Really?
00:13:45 >> A girl in aerobics class pointed you out the other day.
00:13:47 >> Who?
00:13:48 >> Her name was April.
00:13:50 >> Oh, April.
00:13:51 Yeah.
00:13:52 >> Yeah.
00:13:53 I don't know her.
00:13:54 She was just next to me and started talking.
00:13:55 >> April.
00:13:56 Talking.
00:13:57 >> She said you two went out a couple of Sundays ago.
00:13:59 Girlfriend?
00:14:00 >> Oh, no, it was just a date.
00:14:02 A Sunday date.
00:14:03 You know, the kind you can get out of if you have to.
00:14:05 >> I've been on a few of those.
00:14:07 Well, I should get going, so...
00:14:10 >> Yeah, me too.
00:14:11 It was nice meeting you, though.
00:14:12 >> Yeah, you too.
00:14:13 [ Music ]
00:14:23 >> So how goes the hunt?
00:14:25 >> Who's hunting?
00:14:26 >> Sam.
00:14:27 >> Sam saw a lovely doe at the gym today.
00:14:29 He hasn't quite been able to strap to the hood of his car yet.
00:14:33 >> Uh-oh.
00:14:34 >> No.
00:14:35 >> Shields are down.
00:14:36 >> What?
00:14:37 >> Parker.
00:14:38 >> Have you been bird-dogging for Sam down at the gym again?
00:14:41 >> I spot him, go up, sniff around him, then point at him like a setter.
00:14:47 So, Sam, who's the girl?
00:14:49 >> She's different.
00:14:50 >> She's a chick.
00:14:51 >> No, no, no.
00:14:52 She's different.
00:14:53 He got nervous.
00:14:55 >> Nervous?
00:14:56 >> I don't know.
00:14:57 Something.
00:14:58 >> She snuck up behind him.
00:14:59 He wasn't planning on engaging the enemy quite yet.
00:15:02 Just some reconnaissance.
00:15:03 >> Stealth attack.
00:15:04 Very similar to the old Klingon cloaking device.
00:15:06 >> Look, I talked to her for a second.
00:15:08 It's no big deal.
00:15:09 >> A wise man once said, when a man doesn't give details, he's hiding something.
00:15:14 >> Who said that?
00:15:16 >> Me.
00:15:18 >> She said she had to go before I did.
00:15:19 I was just about to say it, and then boom, she said it.
00:15:22 >> That's a hard one to master.
00:15:24 When you say, "Got to go," because if you say, "Got to go," too quick,
00:15:27 you're not getting enough information from her.
00:15:30 And she's going to think you're not interested in her.
00:15:33 But if you wait just a little longer--
00:15:35 >> Baseball.
00:15:36 >> If you wait too long to swing so you can see what the pitch is,
00:15:38 you're going to strike out every time.
00:15:41 >> You're smarter than Bob Costas.
00:15:43 >> Who are you, John Gray?
00:15:45 >> Who?
00:15:46 >> Who?
00:15:47 >> Who?
00:15:49 >> Books?
00:15:51 Mars, Venus?
00:15:53 Does anybody read?
00:15:55 >> All right, look, it's not like it matters because I'm not ever going to talk to her again anyway, okay?
00:16:00 >> True.
00:16:01 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:02 >> Never, ever, ever.
00:16:06 >> I was just about to say it.
00:16:10 >> Get away from me, freak.
00:16:12 >> Come on, Darian, you've been on that way too long.
00:16:15 How about a kiss?
00:16:16 >> The word "no" would get through that gel.
00:16:18 >> You're going to give it up one way or another.
00:16:20 >> Stop it, you oily perv.
00:16:21 >> Hey, ladies' men.
00:16:23 Think you're about due for an oil change, huh?
00:16:26 >> ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:33 ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:40 ♪ Why are you always waiting? ♪
00:16:43 ♪ I feel you hesitating ♪
00:16:47 ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:53 >> Okay.
00:16:54 >> ♪ I want to sing about it ♪
00:16:57 ♪ Show them ♪
00:16:58 >> What if on "Sing About It" we went up a third?
00:17:01 >> Okay, Natalie, can you do the hook for me one more time?
00:17:03 >> ♪ It's been around for a long time ♪
00:17:09 ♪ I want to shout it ♪
00:17:12 ♪ I want to sing about it ♪
00:17:15 ♪ Show them what we've done ♪
00:17:21 ♪ There's no one I'd rather ♪
00:17:24 ♪ Spend my days with ♪
00:17:27 >> Evan, that's-- that's that girl.
00:17:31 >> Blondie from the gym.
00:17:33 >> Oh, that's her.
00:17:35 And her friend.
00:17:37 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. >> What?
00:17:38 >> Don't worry, I'm not going to make any sudden moves
00:17:40 until we know their strategy.
00:17:41 They might have their perfecto shoot.
00:17:42 >> I can't remember her name.
00:17:44 >> That's Janet.
00:17:45 She comes in here every now and then.
00:17:47 >> That's it, Janet.
00:17:48 >> Shuttle, shuttle.
00:17:51 >> Hey, you guys want some tater babies?
00:17:54 >> No thanks, Park, you go ahead.
00:17:56 >> Suit yourself.
00:17:57 >> Do we go over there?
00:17:59 >> Uh, no, we shouldn't go over there.
00:18:01 Set up a tractor, bring a lift, and come to us.
00:18:04 >> Do what?
00:18:05 >> Take them some tater babies.
00:18:07 >> Oh, yeah, Park, that should attract them.
00:18:09 Hey, ladies, you look hungry.
00:18:10 How about some greasy, fattening, half-baked--
00:18:13 >> Hey, hey!
00:18:15 >> They're twice baked.
00:18:16 >> Sorry.
00:18:17 >> Plus, baked potatoes are very healthy, Sam.
00:18:20 >> Hey, Sam Evening.
00:18:28 >> Hey, Janet.
00:18:30 >> Great.
00:18:34 First tractor we've ever had.
00:18:37 >> Hey, come join us.
00:18:38 We just ordered some tater babies.
00:18:40 >> I love those.
00:18:41 >> Yeah, me too.
00:18:42 >> Uh, Janet, this is Evan.
00:18:44 He's a counselor with me.
00:18:45 >> Hey, Evan, nice to meet you.
00:18:47 >> Evan, this is Susan.
00:18:48 >> Hey.
00:18:49 >> And Susan, this is Sam.
00:18:50 >> Hey, Sam, evening.
00:18:51 >> Evening.
00:18:52 >> No, I was asking if--
00:18:53 >> Oh, it's a joke.
00:18:54 Yeah, it's my last name.
00:18:56 >> Hey, you guys grab a seat.
00:18:58 Um, does your friend want to join us?
00:19:00 >> Uh, no.
00:19:01 >> So you guys are counselors, huh?
00:19:02 >> Yeah, yeah, we work with some really great kids over at Cherokee Hills Middle School.
00:19:06 >> Oh, that's great.
00:19:07 Shaping the minds of our youth.
00:19:09 >> Yeah, yeah, something like that.
00:19:11 How about you?
00:19:12 >> We're producers at the Jungle Room Recording Studios.
00:19:15 Janet here is the Big Shot EP.
00:19:17 >> Really?
00:19:18 Guys, I hate to eat and run, but I gotta hit the gym.
00:19:22 >> Uh, Janet, Susan, this is Parker.
00:19:25 >> Hi.
00:19:26 >> Hey, Parker.
00:19:27 >> You know, you are the only guy at the gym that carries snacks in his workout bag.
00:19:30 >> She notices the snacks, but not the fact I'm slinging 260.
00:19:33 Um, not snacks so much, really.
00:19:36 More low-sodium potato chips.
00:19:38 Carbs, workout.
00:19:39 I'm sure you've read about that.
00:19:41 >> Well, I love a guy who loves to eat.
00:19:43 >> I steal another heart.
00:19:47 Ladies, Sam, see you at the gym?
00:19:50 >> See you there, Parker.
00:19:52 >> Well, we should get going, too.
00:19:54 Got an early start tomorrow.
00:19:56 >> Yeah, yeah, I guess I should head to the gym, but it's good to see you again.
00:20:00 >> Yeah, good to see you, too.
00:20:02 Evan, it was nice to meet you.
00:20:03 >> Oh, hey, maybe we'll see you in here again.
00:20:05 >> Cool.
00:20:06 Take care.
00:20:07 >> You, too.
00:20:08 >> Bye.
00:20:09 >> Bye.
00:20:10 >> Did you just give her a Star Trek sign?
00:20:13 >> It's not the Star Trek sign.
00:20:15 It means "live long and prosper."
00:20:17 >> What was that split-finger thing he just did?
00:20:19 >> It's from Star Trek.
00:20:21 >> Really?
00:20:22 Oh, that's right.
00:20:24 You used to watch that, didn't you?
00:20:25 >> Yeah.
00:20:26 >> We were just getting comfortable up there.
00:20:28 >> Do you remember the other night?
00:20:29 It's better to "we gotta go" first.
00:20:35 >> True.
00:20:39 >> Okay, yeah, you're right.
00:20:40 Good move.
00:20:41 >> He's kind of cute, huh?
00:20:42 >> Yeah.
00:20:43 >> Yeah, but they all start out cute, working out, pretending to like the same bands.
00:20:47 >> Hey, what time is it?
00:20:49 Voyager's on tonight.
00:20:51 You still watch that?
00:20:53 >> Sometimes I do.
00:20:55 You know, I mean, uh-huh.
00:20:58 No, that's cool.
00:20:59 I need to go work out anyway.
00:21:01 Uh-huh.
00:21:03 >> Yeah!
00:21:06 Yeah!
00:21:08 [music]
00:21:18 [electronic sounds]
00:21:25 [music]
00:21:35 [music]
00:21:45 [music]
00:21:55 [phone ringing]
00:21:59 >> Come in.
00:22:01 >> Hi, Mr. Evening.
00:22:03 >> Hey, Darian.
00:22:05 How are you?
00:22:06 Come in.
00:22:07 Have a seat.
00:22:08 Been having any more problems from, uh, what's his name?
00:22:11 >> Who, Crisco Kid?
00:22:13 No.
00:22:15 >> Well, that's good.
00:22:16 Let me know if he gives you any more problems.
00:22:18 >> No, I will.
00:22:19 Don't worry.
00:22:20 He's one of those guys that reminds me of my dad.
00:22:22 Sex, sex, sex, with whoever and wherever.
00:22:26 Sex doesn't last forever, like love.
00:22:29 >> You think love lasts forever?
00:22:31 >> Yeah.
00:22:32 Even if one of them dies and they really, truly love each other,
00:22:35 they're still together, you know, in their hearts.
00:22:38 Like my grandma.
00:22:39 She's totally still hot for my grandpa, even though he died, like, five years ago.
00:22:43 She's not even interested in other guys.
00:22:45 >> Is that right?
00:22:46 >> Well, she will go to Luby's with Mr. Farley, but that's just so he'll mow the yard.
00:22:50 >> [laughs]
00:22:51 Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
00:22:53 >> I can't wait to be in love.
00:22:55 >> Why?
00:22:57 >> Because I want that look my grandma has when she talks about grandpa.
00:23:01 >> Well, I gotta go, Mr. Evening.
00:23:02 Thanks for talking to me again.
00:23:03 >> You're welcome, Darian.
00:23:04 I always enjoy our sessions together.
00:23:07 [music]
00:23:36 >> So tell me, how do you win these tickets again?
00:23:38 >> It's a combination of zen, the force, the Vulcan mind meld.
00:23:42 Next thing you know, call it number nine, my brother.
00:23:45 >> Hey, Sam.
00:23:46 >> Hey, Evan.
00:23:47 How have you been?
00:23:48 >> Great.
00:23:49 >> Working a lot.
00:23:50 >> So did you come here with, um...
00:23:52 >> Janet?
00:23:53 >> Yeah.
00:23:54 >> Yeah, she's with the band.
00:23:55 >> You're kidding me.
00:23:56 Wow.
00:23:57 I had no idea this was one of her bands.
00:23:58 >> Uh-huh.
00:23:59 Talking about me behind my back?
00:24:00 >> Hey.
00:24:01 >> Hey.
00:24:02 >> What's up?
00:24:03 >> Hey, Evan.
00:24:04 Saw you two from the side of the stage.
00:24:05 >> We're all here to pick up chicks.
00:24:06 This is the night.
00:24:07 >> Really?
00:24:08 >> Yeah.
00:24:09 This band really pulls them in.
00:24:10 >> I came to see the band.
00:24:12 Only.
00:24:13 No chicks tonight.
00:24:14 Just, uh...
00:24:15 We're just strictly groupies.
00:24:17 >> Groupies.
00:24:18 >> Well, cool.
00:24:19 I'll talk to the guys.
00:24:20 Well, look, we gotta get going.
00:24:21 They're about to come back on.
00:24:22 So...
00:24:23 >> Yeah.
00:24:24 >> Well, say, are you gonna be around after the show?
00:24:26 >> Yeah, probably.
00:24:27 >> No.
00:24:28 Uh, yeah.
00:24:29 Probably.
00:24:30 You know, unless some chicks drag us out of here or something.
00:24:33 >> Play a beer after the show?
00:24:34 >> Sounds good.
00:24:35 [ Music ]
00:24:43 >> You know what I was thinking?
00:24:44 >> I'd hate to even venture a guess.
00:24:46 >> If the planets were in perfect alignment and you were to marry Janet...
00:24:50 >> Evan, it's tough love, but I'm gonna have to put you in rehab.
00:24:55 >> Your names would be Sam and Janet Evening, like the song.
00:24:58 >> I know.
00:24:59 >> You know?
00:25:00 Ah-ha!
00:25:01 So busted!
00:25:02 So you've thought about this.
00:25:03 >> It's not about marriage.
00:25:04 It's just about the old name song thing.
00:25:06 >> Shut up.
00:25:07 Leave me alone.
00:25:08 Busted.
00:25:09 [ Music ]
00:25:38 [ Music ]
00:25:45 >> So we're at the grocery store the other night, and there's this guy standing in front of us.
00:25:48 >> Who is clearly over the 10-item limit.
00:25:50 >> Clearly.
00:25:51 He had at least 10 of those meat bucket things.
00:25:54 >> Not to mention the other crap.
00:25:55 Cuba beer.
00:25:56 >> And he had some of that, you know, the lunch meat that's got the fat around the borders?
00:26:00 >> And condoms.
00:26:01 >> Right, condoms.
00:26:02 >> Sounds like a big night.
00:26:03 >> So we get our stuff up to the front.
00:26:05 The clerk starts shopping.
00:26:06 >> And she's done.
00:26:07 She looks at him, and she goes, "So, we must be single, right?"
00:26:11 >> He goes, "Why, because of all the beer and the rubbers and stuff?"
00:26:13 >> And she goes, "No, because you're butt ugly!"
00:26:17 >> That did not happen.
00:26:19 >> You all made that up.
00:26:20 >> True story.
00:26:21 >> Scout's honor.
00:26:22 >> You're a scout?
00:26:23 >> I'm a scout.
00:26:24 I can tie eight different kinds of knots.
00:26:26 >> That's true.
00:26:27 If you ever need a knot tied, Evans, you're a man.
00:26:28 >> What about you?
00:26:29 >> What, tying the knot?
00:26:30 No.
00:26:31 Not very good at it.
00:26:33 >> But, hey, thanks for the beer.
00:26:35 >> Yeah, well, thank you for taking me home.
00:26:37 >> What about your car?
00:26:39 >> Tell Susan can come get me tomorrow.
00:26:41 It's no big deal.
00:26:43 >> So, I had a really great time.
00:26:47 >> Me, too.
00:26:49 >> I'd invite you in, but my place is --
00:26:52 >> It's okay.
00:26:53 It's getting late.
00:26:54 I should probably get going anyway.
00:26:56 >> Well, I enjoyed it.
00:26:58 >> I'm going to go.
00:26:59 >> Okay.
00:27:00 Well, I enjoyed it.
00:27:02 Really.
00:27:03 >> It was good to see you again.
00:27:05 >> You, too.
00:27:10 >> Good night.
00:27:11 >> Good night.
00:27:12 >> Good night.
00:27:14 I'll talk to you later.
00:27:16 >> Okay.
00:27:24 >> Good night, Janet.
00:27:26 >> Good night, Sam.
00:27:28 >> He is --
00:27:29 >> Awesome.
00:27:30 She loves the same --
00:27:31 >> Music I like.
00:27:32 And he likes the same --
00:27:33 >> Movies that I want to see.
00:27:35 Plus she's a huge --
00:27:36 >> Football fan, too.
00:27:37 >> Wow, Janet, maybe --
00:27:38 >> Don't even say it.
00:27:39 >> What is going on here?
00:27:41 >> Nothing is going on here.
00:27:43 >> I wonder if these guys are going to call us.
00:27:45 I mean, Evan knows where I work now.
00:27:47 >> And Sam knows where you live.
00:27:49 >> Hey, if they don't, they don't.
00:27:51 I'm definitely not waiting by any phone.
00:27:53 >> Me, either.
00:27:55 >> They need to print an idiot's guide on when to call a girl.
00:27:58 >> Maybe we can all just be friends.
00:28:00 >> Are you sure you want to get in the friend zone with these guys?
00:28:03 >> Once you're there, there's no way out.
00:28:14 >> Last call, guys.
00:28:15 Got to get out of here before the cops come.
00:28:17 >> I'm telling you, Sam, it's going to happen.
00:28:19 >> No, not me.
00:28:21 Never again, my man.
00:28:22 It's not going to happen.
00:28:23 >> Closer and closer, and then it starts.
00:28:26 Small at first.
00:28:28 She invites you to a friend's wedding just to see a reaction.
00:28:31 >> Exactly.
00:28:32 Then you guys head to the mall.
00:28:33 It's off to buy a wedding gift.
00:28:35 Sam, do you like this pattern?
00:28:37 >> Chicks mark this stuff down, dude.
00:28:39 They've got pie graphs, they've got charts, they e-mail each other.
00:28:42 They keep track of this stuff, and they file it later with their girlfriends at the find-a-husband tribunal.
00:28:47 >> Chicks know it all.
00:28:49 >> That sounds good.
00:28:50 >> I'll have some chicken fingers with that sauce.
00:28:53 >> Sorry, the grill is closed.
00:28:56 >> All right, look, they can have all the tribunals and all the meetings they want.
00:28:59 They just can't include me in them.
00:29:01 >> Not so fast, Captain.
00:29:03 Consciously, you don't know anything.
00:29:05 Subconsciously, you're being assimilated.
00:29:07 >> What's with all the $10 words?
00:29:09 >> I bet a $10 ride in my ma's car is your reward.
00:29:13 >> They connect you to the hive, and after that, my brother, there is no getting away.
00:29:18 >> What about Picard?
00:29:20 >> Yeah, what about Picard?
00:29:23 >> Well, yeah, Picard got away from the Borg somehow, but that was one of those season-premiered television ratings deals.
00:29:29 >> Right, as opposed to this real Borg stuff that you're talking about, right?
00:29:34 >> We mock, but I see the transformation has begun.
00:29:40 >> Yeah, well, beam back to Earth, pal, because it ain't going to happen.
00:29:42 >> Beam that ass on over here to Planet Mama, huh?
00:29:45 >> Last one, Evan.
00:29:47 >> Making sauce number one.
00:29:49 >> Hey, number one, my number seven, with the sauce.
00:29:54 >> The grill is shut down!
00:29:57 >> Darian was right.
00:29:58 Boys are stupid.
00:30:00 [music]
00:30:04 ♪ Pictures fill my head ♪
00:30:08 ♪ I feel so trapped instead, but ♪
00:30:12 ♪ Trapped doesn't seem so bad 'cause you are here ♪
00:30:19 [music]
00:30:34 >> That's a nice start.
00:30:35 >> I thought that saw her.
00:30:37 >> In the--
00:30:38 [music]
00:30:47 >> Sam, just pictures.
00:30:50 >> More pictures?
00:30:51 >> More pictures.
00:30:52 >> Oh, great.
00:30:54 >> You're going to look.
00:30:55 [music]
00:31:00 >> That right there is my dad's hair cut.
00:31:02 [music]
00:31:31 ♪ I can do everything I do ♪
00:31:35 ♪ You give me the strength to do anything ♪
00:31:39 ♪ I can be everything I try to be ♪
00:31:43 >> Want some?
00:31:45 >> Uh, no.
00:31:46 >> Lots of protein here.
00:31:49 >> All right.
00:31:51 >> Hmm?
00:31:53 >> I'm going to take a beer.
00:31:55 >> Coming up.
00:31:57 >> Susan.
00:31:59 >> No, none for me.
00:32:01 What are those?
00:32:02 >> That's chicken hand.
00:32:03 >> Chicken hand?
00:32:04 >> Yeah, five chicken fingers.
00:32:07 >> Want a thumb?
00:32:08 >> No, that's okay.
00:32:12 >> Want a pinky?
00:32:14 >> Okay.
00:32:16 >> Watch your bar.
00:32:22 >> Well, well, well, what's up?
00:32:24 >> Not a whole lot.
00:32:26 >> I'm at a cable show, "Sex and the City."
00:32:30 Them pretty young things drinking them, uh...
00:32:33 >> Cosmopolitan.
00:32:35 >> Yeah, and one of them fancy glasses.
00:32:38 >> Well, you don't need a fancy glass to drink a good Cosmopolitan.
00:32:42 >> I'll try one. It seems to work on TV.
00:32:46 >> You know you're a bona fide regular?
00:32:49 >> Yeah, I've been coming in here eight years and 42 nights.
00:32:54 >> I want to know what a sophisticated Cosmopolitan drinking beautiful woman is doing in here without a man.
00:33:01 >> I used to have a man back when I was young and pretty.
00:33:04 >> You're still pretty.
00:33:08 >> I used to. Three of them.
00:33:10 Every last one of them used me up and then left me for younger, prettier.
00:33:18 The kind that drink those Cosmopolitans.
00:33:21 >> I see it in here every night.
00:33:23 >> Vanished one-liners, lying, cheating.
00:33:26 >> Them young girlies, all they want to do is get married.
00:33:30 They should just find some men to bang their headboard against the wall, curl their toes.
00:33:36 Hey, that's what I do.
00:33:39 Two years ago, New Orleans, the last fellow to get front row seats to the Pointer Sisters.
00:33:46 And then that was just to put art on me.
00:33:50 >> That's beautiful.
00:33:53 >> Thank you.
00:33:54 >> You're welcome.
00:33:55 >> I'm going to need a drink.
00:33:57 >> The usual?
00:33:59 >> Make it a double.
00:34:01 >> Yeah.
00:34:10 >> What's going on?
00:34:11 >> I am cooking.
00:34:13 >> Well, what's for dinner?
00:34:15 >> Tonight the chef has prepared one of his all-time classics and one of your personal favorites.
00:34:20 >> My favorite?
00:34:21 Which one?
00:34:22 >> Pizza rolls.
00:34:24 Got it from one of Park's top secret recipes.
00:34:27 See, here, start with a clean plate.
00:34:30 >> Sounds good so far, Emeril.
00:34:32 >> And, yeah, just, you know, cook them.
00:34:37 Oh, oh, and you didn't think that there were pizza rolls just by themselves.
00:34:41 >> There's more.
00:34:43 >> Ranch dressing on the side.
00:34:45 >> Oh, you know how to treat a girl.
00:34:47 Now, if I could just get you to do my laundry, you could be my wife.
00:34:50 >> Yeah, and if I could learn to bitch and moan and not give a damn about anything my husband ever said, I'd be perfect.
00:34:55 I learned all about being a wife first hand.
00:34:58 >> Oh, now, baby, get over here.
00:35:01 Come over here and love on me.
00:35:03 You know you want it.
00:35:05 >> Oh, baby, why you got to be like that?
00:35:08 Why can't we just talk?
00:35:09 Why does it always got to be about my love cookie?
00:35:11 If you'd give me your love cookie every now and then, I wouldn't have to go to the bakery every chance I get.
00:35:16 >> I'll bet Parker's had the same conversation.
00:35:19 [ Music ]
00:35:34 >> You want to get out of here.
00:35:36 >> Okay.
00:35:40 >> These people are going to be pissed if we leave these great seas and don't come back.
00:35:45 >> So?
00:35:48 >> Good point.
00:35:50 Okay, we wait for them to clap, we make our move.
00:35:53 >> Gotcha.
00:35:54 [ Music ]
00:35:58 [ Applause ]
00:36:06 >> Do you think we wasted money on those tickets?
00:36:09 >> Oh, I don't know.
00:36:10 That cello solo that went on for about an hour was pretty great.
00:36:13 >> Which one was that?
00:36:15 >> Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
00:36:17 >> Oh, yeah, that one.
00:36:19 Yeah, but I love your version.
00:36:21 >> Yeah, well, thank you.
00:36:23 >> Where's our car?
00:36:26 >> We are over there.
00:36:28 [ Music ]
00:36:57 [ Music ]
00:37:02 >> Are you sure you don't need any help in there?
00:37:04 >> Yeah, I'm sure.
00:37:06 >> I don't know.
00:37:07 I just -- I feel like maybe we could conserve some water if we just both jumped in there together.
00:37:12 >> See, honey, another reason to like you.
00:37:15 You're concerned for the environment.
00:37:18 I'll be out in a second, and you can have what's left of the water.
00:37:21 >> Yeah, well, save some hot water for me.
00:37:23 >> Hot water?
00:37:25 Don't you mean cold?
00:37:27 >> And you're sure that you can reach all those places on your back?
00:37:30 >> Yes, I'm sure.
00:37:32 >> What about the front?
00:37:33 >> If I can, you'll be the first to know.
00:37:36 [ Music ]
00:37:46 [ Music ]
00:37:56 [ Music ]
00:38:06 [ Music ]
00:38:16 [ Music ]
00:38:26 [ Music ]
00:38:36 [ Music ]
00:38:46 [ Music ]
00:38:56 [ Music ]
00:39:06 [ Music ]
00:39:16 [ Music ]
00:39:26 [ Music ]
00:39:36 [ Music ]
00:39:46 [ Music ]
00:39:51 >> We've been canvassing the neighborhood looking for a home for homeless brown puppies.
00:39:55 >> He is precious.
00:39:57 Hi, little guy.
00:39:58 How are you?
00:39:59 Oh, how cute.
00:40:03 Where did you find them?
00:40:05 >> I found them in the paper.
00:40:07 I went to this guy's house.
00:40:08 I walk in the door.
00:40:09 There's six of them staring at me.
00:40:11 I told them, I go, "They look like the Brady bunch."
00:40:14 And this guy ran right over to me, so I said, "Okay, that's it.
00:40:17 I'll take the one that thinks I'm funny."
00:40:19 >> Smart doggy.
00:40:21 Pretending Sam is funny so you can come live with me.
00:40:24 >> Well, thanks a lot.
00:40:26 >> What's his name?
00:40:28 >> That's up to you.
00:40:31 >> Brady?
00:40:34 >> Brady it is.
00:40:36 You like your name Brady?
00:40:38 Yeah, I like Brady.
00:40:40 Okay.
00:40:42 [ Music ]
00:40:47 >> Uh-oh, flowers.
00:40:49 >> Why, uh-oh?
00:40:51 >> Looks like somebody's being tame.
00:40:54 >> Marty, he's --
00:40:56 >> No, no.
00:40:57 You start getting flowers and your guy might be a cheetah.
00:41:00 Cheetah!
00:41:01 [ Laughter ]
00:41:04 >> Okay, you guys go.
00:41:05 Get out of here.
00:41:06 I got to get Vans booked.
00:41:07 >> Yeah, girl, somebody has to work around here.
00:41:10 Right, Janet?
00:41:11 Eye of the tiger.
00:41:12 >> Thanks, Marty.
00:41:16 >> So is tonight going to be the big night?
00:41:20 >> I don't know.
00:41:22 I feel so guilty.
00:41:24 >> I know.
00:41:25 It's not your fault, though.
00:41:27 >> Maybe.
00:41:28 >> God, I want to.
00:41:31 >> Go for it.
00:41:32 We'll see.
00:41:33 >> You know what happens when you're younger and you get your ears pierced and you haven't put the studs in for a really long time?
00:41:40 The holes grow back together.
00:41:42 [ Laughter ]
00:41:45 >> Okay, go.
00:41:46 Get out of here.
00:41:49 [ Music ]
00:41:53 [ Music ]
00:42:21 [ Music ]
00:42:35 >> Sam?
00:42:37 >> Yeah, it's me.
00:42:39 >> I know, it's you, silly.
00:42:41 I was thinking.
00:42:45 >> You were thinking?
00:42:47 >> Yeah.
00:42:53 >> I know you and I haven't --
00:42:55 >> No, no, we haven't.
00:42:59 >> Well, I don't want you to think that it's because I don't think you're attractive.
00:43:03 I do.
00:43:05 >> I feel a lot better about living the life of a middle school counselor monk.
00:43:12 I'm just kidding.
00:43:13 I know how you are.
00:43:15 >> You do?
00:43:16 >> Yeah.
00:43:18 Hey, you've heard.
00:43:19 >> Huh?
00:43:21 >> About the creature.
00:43:24 >> Oh, no, not the creature.
00:43:26 >> You may have even gotten some pre-shower glimpses of the creature.
00:43:29 >> I've got some post-shower glimpses of the creature.
00:43:32 >> But that's not the same creature.
00:43:33 That one's weakened.
00:43:34 Water to the creature.
00:43:36 It's like kryptonite to Superman.
00:43:38 >> It doesn't kill him, does it?
00:43:40 >> No, it just makes him weaker until he can regain his strength.
00:43:46 >> Thank you, Sam.
00:43:48 You're so understanding about this.
00:43:51 >> I know how you are.
00:43:53 Sometimes I catch the way you look at Park.
00:43:56 >> Busted.
00:43:57 >> When he's eating that fried protein.
00:43:59 >> You know, it's not exactly what he eats but how he eats it.
00:44:04 >> I mean, when he orders a plate of those heavily breaded deep fried cheese things
00:44:11 and he dips them in ranch dressing, which slowly runs down his arm onto his sleeve,
00:44:17 I can't help myself.
00:44:19 >> When the ketchup runs down his cleavage.
00:44:22 >> It drives me insane.
00:44:28 >> I'll be back.
00:44:31 >> Where are you going?
00:44:42 >> You're in the ketchup, huh?
00:44:45 Well, here you go.
00:44:47 >> Oh, my God.
00:44:48 You are so dead.
00:44:49 >> Is it putting you on?
00:44:50 >> Oh, my God.
00:45:09 >> You liking this, huh?
00:45:30 >> What's up?
00:45:31 >> So I'm watching Star Trek the other night with Susan.
00:45:34 >> Well, you always knew how to work the ladies.
00:45:36 >> And then I suddenly realized that Susan is watching Star Trek with me.
00:45:41 >> Yeah, you just said that.
00:45:42 >> No, I said I was watching Star Trek with her.
00:45:46 Then I realized that Susan was watching Star Trek with me, actually watching it,
00:45:49 asking questions about the board, getting into it.
00:45:52 >> Well, good for her.
00:45:53 Maybe you should take her to one of those conventions, Commander.
00:45:57 >> Oh, okay.
00:45:58 Shoot a photon torpedo at a friend.
00:46:01 And you know I'm not a Commander yet.
00:46:03 >> My bad.
00:46:04 >> Forgiven.
00:46:05 >> So you're saying you guys were watching Star Trek?
00:46:06 >> Yeah, we're watching Star Trek.
00:46:07 Not just Star Trek.
00:46:08 It was Rerun of Voyage or Janeway.
00:46:11 >> In English.
00:46:13 >> I think I'm already connected to the hive.
00:46:17 >> Dude.
00:46:18 >> And I know how you are about marriage and all that.
00:46:20 >> Wait a second.
00:46:21 Are you saying what I think you're saying?
00:46:24 >> Sam, save the speech.
00:46:25 >> No, no, no, no.
00:46:26 I'm happy for you.
00:46:28 Get over here.
00:46:33 >> Hey, live long and prosper.
00:46:36 >> Thanks, Sam.
00:46:37 That means a lot.
00:46:40 >> You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you first like someone?
00:46:44 I still have that feeling.
00:46:46 >> Me too.
00:46:48 >> Susan?
00:46:49 >> What?
00:46:50 I just love that feeling.
00:46:52 >> Actually, I love it and I hate it because you have no control over it.
00:46:55 >> So what?
00:46:56 Just soak in it.
00:46:58 >> There's more going on here.
00:47:00 >> Susan.
00:47:02 >> Evan and I are, you know, we --
00:47:05 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:06 >> I knew it.
00:47:07 >> You guys are thinking about getting married?
00:47:09 No lying?
00:47:10 >> No lying.
00:47:11 >> Marty.
00:47:12 >> Susan.
00:47:13 >> Janet.
00:47:14 >> Susan.
00:47:15 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:17 >> You're engaged?
00:47:19 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:23 >> I think it's ridiculous.
00:47:24 >> Why do you have to be so stubborn?
00:47:26 You need to start thinking in a new way.
00:47:28 >> I disagree.
00:47:29 Look.
00:47:30 I've done it before and it sucked and I vowed never to do it again.
00:47:33 >> What was so bad last time?
00:47:35 >> If you were a guy, you'd understand.
00:47:37 >> Oh, so it's a guy thing.
00:47:40 >> If the guys even knew I was talking about it, much less doing it, they'd fall on their asses laughing.
00:47:48 >> Come here, sweetie.
00:47:50 >> Plus it made me break out last time.
00:47:54 >> Only about one more minute.
00:47:58 >> It's sounding great, really.
00:48:00 Just to give it a little lift, introduce something into the outro.
00:48:03 That sounds great.
00:48:04 >> Yeah.
00:48:05 Really good.
00:48:06 >> Okay, guys, let's try it like that.
00:48:13 >> ♪ You can't stop me now ♪
00:48:35 >> Did you know Evan was going to ask Susan?
00:48:38 >> I heard something about that, yeah.
00:48:41 >> Well, why didn't you tell me?
00:48:44 >> I don't know.
00:48:45 I just didn't think about it.
00:48:47 >> How could you not?
00:48:48 Susan told me first thing.
00:48:50 >> Well, I don't know.
00:48:51 I guess we just think differently.
00:48:54 >> Meaning?
00:48:56 >> Meaning I didn't want to get into this conversation.
00:48:59 >> Oh, yeah.
00:49:00 How repulsive.
00:49:01 A conversation between two people who love each other about marriage.
00:49:05 >> Why are you attacking me?
00:49:07 >> I'm not.
00:49:08 >> I don't know why we can't talk about it.
00:49:11 >> I don't know.
00:49:12 >> What are you so afraid of?
00:49:14 You say that you love me.
00:49:16 >> I do.
00:49:18 >> I do.
00:49:19 See, that wasn't so hard.
00:49:21 >> You're really funny.
00:49:23 I do love you.
00:49:26 >> Then what is it?
00:49:28 >> Marriage just changes relationships.
00:49:30 I don't know why it does, but it does.
00:49:32 Ask anybody who's married.
00:49:34 >> Of course it changes it.
00:49:36 You become a family.
00:49:37 You live together and work together.
00:49:39 You love each other.
00:49:40 Eventually you have kids.
00:49:42 >> Kids?
00:49:44 You know what that means.
00:49:46 Sex.
00:49:47 >> Sam, I'm serious.
00:49:49 You grow together and take care of each other.
00:49:52 You know, all that real awful stuff.
00:49:55 >> That's not what I meant.
00:49:57 Hey, all those things sound great when you talk about them, but does it ever really happen?
00:50:01 Because it didn't when I was married.
00:50:04 When people get married, they just--they stop trying.
00:50:08 I don't know why.
00:50:09 Ask any of my guy friends who are married.
00:50:11 They'll tell you the same thing.
00:50:13 >> You're listening to your guy friends about marriage?
00:50:16 God, all these guys have somehow stumbled into your life like the dream team for bachelorhood.
00:50:23 Sam, marriage is not that awful.
00:50:26 If you give 100% of yourself to the other person--I mean, it's not perfect, but what is?
00:50:31 >> How would you know?
00:50:33 I've been married.
00:50:34 Trust me.
00:50:35 It can be awful.
00:50:37 It can be the worst experience of your life.
00:50:45 >> I need to tell you something.
00:50:49 [typing]
00:50:56 >> Does he know?
00:51:09 >> I told him last night.
00:51:11 >> About L.A., or--?
00:51:13 >> Yeah, about L.A.
00:51:16 >> So, did you guys--?
00:51:18 >> No.
00:51:21 I'm sorry.
00:51:24 I don't know, Susan.
00:51:28 >> Sorry to interrupt.
00:51:29 Janet, you have a call.
00:51:30 Line three.
00:51:31 >> Thanks, Angie.
00:51:33 I'll let you take that.
00:51:34 >> Okay. Bye.
00:51:38 >> This is Janet.
00:51:39 >> Can you meet me?
00:51:42 >> What?
00:51:44 No.
00:51:45 I just need to talk to you, that's all.
00:51:47 Please.
00:51:48 >> No.
00:51:49 Why?
00:51:50 >> I'm downstairs in the lobby.
00:51:52 Just come meet me.
00:51:53 Give me five minutes.
00:51:55 Please.
00:51:59 >> I'll be down there in a minute.
00:52:11 Janet.
00:52:13 I'll be back in a minute.
00:52:14 >> Is that who I think it was?
00:52:15 >> Yeah.
00:52:16 I'm going downstairs.
00:52:17 He's in the lobby.
00:52:18 >> You're kidding.
00:52:19 How long has it been?
00:52:21 >> A year and a half.
00:52:23 I'll be back.
00:52:25 What was that all about?
00:52:27 >> What's going on, guys?
00:52:28 >> Steven is downstairs.
00:52:30 >> Oh, my God.
00:52:32 >> Who?
00:52:37 >> I can't believe you two haven't done it yet.
00:52:39 >> Yeah, well, believe it.
00:52:41 Me and Susan are hitting it like bunny wabbits.
00:52:46 >> It's something.
00:52:47 Maybe it's her way of trapping me into a marriage proposal.
00:52:50 >> Just to get some?
00:52:51 Don't they usually work the other way around?
00:52:53 They give you sex to get you and then after the honeymoon, it stops.
00:52:57 >> You're the one getting married.
00:52:59 >> Yeah, well, Susan is a different breed.
00:53:02 She's all whapping.
00:53:04 >> Look, I love her.
00:53:06 I don't want to force her into anything if she's not ready.
00:53:08 If she wants to wait, that's fine.
00:53:10 I just -- it's something.
00:53:14 I don't know.
00:53:17 >> Scotty, get me out of here.
00:53:19 I think he could explode at any moment.
00:53:24 >> I can't believe he shows up now.
00:53:26 >> And he said he comes in here a lot.
00:53:28 >> Probably alone.
00:53:30 He's a freak.
00:53:31 >> There's a guy that comes in here alone every week.
00:53:34 And he sits right back there.
00:53:37 >> What did he tell you?
00:53:40 >> I don't know.
00:53:42 He asked me to dinner.
00:53:46 >> I didn't know he could talk.
00:53:49 >> So what are you going to do?
00:53:51 >> God, what can't I do?
00:53:56 I have been lying, lying to Sam for a year.
00:54:01 I can't just casually mention to Sam, oh, by the way, in case you were ever interested in marrying me, you can't.
00:54:06 Because I already have a husband.
00:54:08 >> Gina, you're separated.
00:54:10 Legally, he just won't sign the papers.
00:54:12 That is not your fault.
00:54:18 >> God, why didn't I just tell him?
00:54:22 [ Sighs ]
00:54:24 [ Music ]
00:54:39 >> Okay.
00:54:40 All right.
00:54:43 >> Susan.
00:54:45 >> Looks like they're going to miss you.
00:54:56 >> Yeah.
00:54:58 >> What do you want me to do?
00:55:09 >> I'll tell you what I want you to do.
00:55:12 I want you to marry me because you want to be with me.
00:55:15 Not because I want you to or because I'm moving or for any other reason but that you cannot stand to be away from me.
00:55:25 >> I'm just not ready to get married again, Janet.
00:55:29 I've still got too many problems and questions from my last marriage.
00:55:33 I'm the counselor, and I'm probably the one that needs counseling because -- because I love you, and I've never felt this way about anybody before.
00:55:46 But I'm just scared that I'm going to ruin it by marrying you.
00:55:50 >> Ruin it?
00:55:52 >> We've talked about this before.
00:55:54 You know what I mean.
00:55:57 I got married at 19 years old, and I lost six years of my life to a bad marriage like that.
00:56:03 And I still remember the way everything changed.
00:56:05 She changed.
00:56:06 She didn't even resemble the woman I remember marrying.
00:56:08 >> I'm not her.
00:56:09 >> I know that.
00:56:10 It's me.
00:56:11 If you'd been married before, you would understand.
00:56:14 [ Music ]
00:56:23 >> I can't do this.
00:56:26 I don't want you to be there when I leave.
00:56:30 And I don't want you to call me.
00:56:34 It'll just make it that much harder.
00:56:37 [ Music ]
00:56:41 >> I don't want you to go.
00:56:44 >> I have to.
00:56:47 It's not fair.
00:56:50 >> Let me help you with this stuff.
00:56:53 >> I've got it.
00:56:55 [ Music ]
00:57:24 >> I love you.
00:57:26 [ Music ]
00:57:51 >> Mr. Evening.
00:57:55 You look terrible.
00:57:57 >> Darian, it's confusing.
00:58:01 >> What are you confused about?
00:58:02 Maybe I can help you.
00:58:08 >> I thought I was supposed to be the one helping you.
00:58:11 >> Sit back in your chair, Mr. Evening, and tell me all about it.
00:58:19 >> Okay.
00:58:22 I told you about Janet, right?
00:58:24 >> Some.
00:58:26 >> Okay, well, she -- I don't even know where to begin.
00:58:30 She got a job offer, and she has to move to --
00:58:33 >> Are you going?
00:58:35 >> Well, it's not really that easy.
00:58:37 >> Why not?
00:58:38 She wants you to go, right?
00:58:39 >> Well, yeah, but --
00:58:40 >> So go.
00:58:42 >> And just leave my job, my friends, everything that --
00:58:46 >> Why don't you tell me the real story?
00:58:51 >> I can't believe I'm doing this.
00:58:52 Okay.
00:58:56 After my divorce, I went -- so what do you think?
00:59:02 >> Stupid boys.
00:59:05 >> That's it?
00:59:06 Stupid boys?
00:59:08 >> That's it.
00:59:09 [ Music ]
00:59:25 [ Music ]
00:59:45 >> I wanted to see if you guys had any --
00:59:48 [ Music ]
01:00:02 >> It's okay.
01:00:03 You'll be fine.
01:00:07 >> No, I won't.
01:00:08 >> Yes, you will.
01:00:12 >> You're sad and single.
01:00:15 >> No.
01:00:17 [ Music ]
01:00:21 >> I'm suffocating.
01:00:26 I wish he would just come get at me.
01:00:33 I'm just going to tickle my back and play with my hair and go to the games with me.
01:00:38 >> Shegana, you have this great job.
01:00:40 >> I don't care about the job.
01:00:42 I would trade it in a second.
01:00:48 I've messed up, haven't I?
01:00:49 >> No.
01:00:51 No, you haven't.
01:00:52 >> No, I think I have.
01:00:53 I think I messed up.
01:00:55 I think I pushed him too hard.
01:00:56 >> Shegana, if he's not going to commit, it's not your fault.
01:01:05 >> I have the one person I wish I had with me all the time, you.
01:01:14 >> I think this is the last box.
01:01:17 I'm in the movers.
01:01:18 I'm just going to do the rest.
01:01:21 >> I'm going to miss you.
01:01:24 >> I'm going to miss you too.
01:01:29 >> I should go.
01:01:30 >> Okay.
01:01:31 >> You call me at every stop and let me know you're okay.
01:01:33 >> I will.
01:01:34 >> Okay.
01:01:35 I love you, Susan.
01:01:36 >> Me too.
01:01:37 [ Music ]
01:01:39 [ Music ]
01:01:42 [ Music ]
01:01:44 (ominous music)
01:01:46 (door creaking)
01:01:49 (sighs)
01:02:04 (knocking)
01:02:10 - What are you doing here?
01:02:16 I told you when you came to my office the other day
01:02:18 that I did not want to see you again
01:02:20 unless you had some signed papers.
01:02:22 - I need to talk to you.
01:02:23 - About what?
01:02:24 - Us.
01:02:25 - Are you joking?
01:02:27 Why haven't you signed the papers yet?
01:02:28 - I just can't.
01:02:29 I cannot live without you anymore.
01:02:31 This past year has been--
01:02:32 - Steven, I'm so sorry.
01:02:33 Did she find out you were cheating on her too?
01:02:36 - This doesn't have anything to do
01:02:37 with anybody but you and me.
01:02:39 - There is no you and me.
01:02:41 - Janet, I'm--
01:02:42 - Did you hit her a little too?
01:02:45 - I'm not like that anymore.
01:02:47 I've changed.
01:02:48 I'm just ready for you and me to pick up where we left off.
01:02:51 - Well, great.
01:02:52 I'll see you at the courthouse.
01:02:53 - Look, in the beginning we were so good together.
01:02:56 Let me come to L.A. with you.
01:02:58 We can spend some time together.
01:02:59 Start fresh.
01:03:00 - You're not going anywhere with me.
01:03:02 - Just give me a chance here.
01:03:04 We can be together.
01:03:05 Oh.
01:03:10 Is it Sam?
01:03:14 Is he going?
01:03:15 - How do you know about Sam?
01:03:17 How do you know his name?
01:03:18 - I was at the bar one night
01:03:20 when you guys were there together.
01:03:22 I asked the bartender who he was.
01:03:23 He doesn't seem like your type.
01:03:26 - Look, Steven, you need to leave.
01:03:28 And don't ever try to contact me again
01:03:30 unless you've got some papers signed.
01:03:31 - Here.
01:03:33 Look at these pictures.
01:03:34 We were so happy together that day.
01:03:37 It can be just like that again.
01:03:38 It'll be even better.
01:03:40 (dramatic music)
01:03:42 - Just leave.
01:03:49 (car door slams)
01:03:52 (dramatic music)
01:03:54 ♪ I'm fading ♪
01:04:20 ♪ A cool breeze blows me away ♪
01:04:25 ♪ Faces changing ♪
01:04:31 ♪ Different names but still the same ♪
01:04:36 ♪ Faded picture ♪
01:04:43 ♪ Come and take them all away ♪
01:04:49 ♪ Fading into blue and gray ♪
01:04:54 ♪ I think I'm falling ♪
01:05:00 ♪ Oh won't you take me down ♪
01:05:05 ♪ Before I fade away ♪
01:05:12 (dramatic music)
01:05:14 ♪ Want to feel them ♪
01:05:29 ♪ Got my hands around this fake ♪
01:05:34 ♪ It can seal this ♪
01:05:40 ♪ I've got it down but it's too late ♪
01:05:45 ♪ I think I'm falling ♪
01:05:52 ♪ Oh won't you take me down ♪
01:05:57 ♪ Before I fade away ♪
01:06:03 (dramatic music)
01:06:06 (phone rings)
01:06:15 (phone rings)
01:06:17 (phone rings)
01:06:20 (phone rings)
01:06:22 (birds chirping)
01:06:26 (phone clicks)
01:06:28 (water rushing)
01:06:31 (water rushing)
01:06:34 (water rushing)
01:06:36 (dramatic music)
01:06:58 (water rushing)
01:07:01 (dramatic music)
01:07:03 (water rushing)
01:07:06 (dramatic music)
01:07:09 (phone rings)
01:07:34 (phone rings)
01:07:36 - He hasn't called you?
01:07:47 - I've tried him a bunch of times, but there's no answer.
01:07:52 He doesn't even have his answering machine on.
01:07:54 - Have you heard from him?
01:07:56 - No, that's strange.
01:07:58 - I thought so too.
01:07:59 I mean, I did tell him not to call me.
01:08:04 - He knows what that means
01:08:05 when a girlfriend says not to call, right?
01:08:08 - Thought so.
01:08:08 - I guess he never got that idiot's guide
01:08:11 on when to call a girl, though.
01:08:13 - Oh, Evan's been really weird ever since you left.
01:08:17 We're gonna talk tonight at the bar after work.
01:08:20 Maybe Sam will be there.
01:08:21 - He went over to see her and saw some guy kiss her.
01:08:24 He recognized the guy from in here
01:08:25 and I'd seen him in here before too.
01:08:27 - Does he know who that guy is?
01:08:28 - Well, he does now.
01:08:30 - I told him.
01:08:32 - Sorry.
01:08:34 - How does he know that Janet's--
01:08:35 - Still married?
01:08:36 Yeah, why didn't you tell me?
01:08:37 - Don't look at me.
01:08:38 - How does he know?
01:08:39 - Well, he asked the guy
01:08:41 and we were over here a couple of nights ago
01:08:42 helping to close up.
01:08:43 He sees him over in the corner.
01:08:45 Of course, Sam had been over served again
01:08:47 and he decides to confront him.
01:08:48 It was like Kirk versus Khan.
01:08:50 - Hey, dude.
01:08:54 You go anywhere, I'll be right back, all right?
01:08:57 (suspenseful music)
01:09:00 Just make sure you shoot straight or you're walking.
01:09:08 (gunshots)
01:09:25 - What the hell are you looking at?
01:09:28 - Get away from me, you're wasted.
01:09:31 - I've seen you before, I know you.
01:09:32 - You know me, really?
01:09:35 - You kissed my girlfriend at her house.
01:09:39 I saw you do it.
01:09:40 - You're a girl.
01:09:42 I can kiss her any time I want.
01:09:44 She's my wife.
01:09:45 Yeah, Janet, my wife.
01:09:49 - Stand up.
01:09:53 - You don't wanna do this.
01:09:55 - Yeah, I do.
01:09:56 - Come on, Sam.
01:09:57 - Or stand up.
01:09:58 - Time to go home.
01:09:58 - Sam, let's go.
01:09:59 - Get this drunk ass out of my face.
01:10:00 - Get him out of here.
01:10:01 - This fool says he's married to Janet.
01:10:02 - What?
01:10:03 - I say we kick his ass.
01:10:04 - I say you go home.
01:10:05 - Let's get out of here, man.
01:10:06 - Where the hell did you get these?
01:10:12 - From my wedding book.
01:10:13 - Come on, Sam.
01:10:16 - Ask her.
01:10:17 - Sam, come on, let's go.
01:10:17 - She's been lying to you, ask her.
01:10:19 - Yeah, she wouldn't marry you.
01:10:20 - Ask her.
01:10:21 - Ask her.
01:10:25 - Stephen told him?
01:10:26 - You know him?
01:10:27 Why didn't you tell me?
01:10:28 We're getting married, communication.
01:10:30 - Sorry, Evan, it wasn't my place to say anything.
01:10:33 They've been separated for over a year and a half,
01:10:35 long before Sam ever came into the picture.
01:10:37 - Well, he left out those details.
01:10:39 He just said he was Janet's husband.
01:10:41 - Oh, God.
01:10:42 - He's got wedding pictures on.
01:10:43 What kind of guy carries wedding pictures?
01:10:45 He pulls them out and he showed them to Sam.
01:10:47 - He just showed up recently
01:10:48 and tried to hook back up with Janet.
01:10:49 She doesn't want anything to do with him.
01:10:52 - I can't believe she's married.
01:10:53 Separated, legally separated.
01:10:55 He just won't sign the papers.
01:10:58 You've gotta talk to Sam.
01:10:59 - Well, I'd like to, but he's on vacation.
01:11:01 - Where?
01:11:02 - I don't know, I've been trying to reach him at home,
01:11:04 but he's not answering his phone.
01:11:05 (phone beeping)
01:11:21 (phone ringing)
01:11:23 - Hello?
01:11:26 - Evan.
01:11:28 - Sam, where the hell have you been, man?
01:11:30 I've been trying to call you for the past couple of weeks.
01:11:33 - On another planet.
01:11:34 - That's my line.
01:11:35 Hey, man, I'm glad you finally called.
01:11:36 I got some information about her husband.
01:11:39 - What?
01:11:40 - Turns out he's been stalking Janet.
01:11:43 - Steven?
01:11:44 - Yeah, con.
01:11:44 They're separated.
01:11:45 - Legally.
01:11:46 - Legally separated.
01:11:47 So it's like they're not even married.
01:11:50 - For how long?
01:11:51 - For how long?
01:11:52 - About a year and a half.
01:11:53 - So why not just get divorced?
01:11:55 - She wants to, she's trying.
01:11:56 He won't sign the divorce papers.
01:11:58 - Hi, Susan.
01:12:00 - Hey, Sam, are you okay?
01:12:01 - This whole thing is crazy.
01:12:05 - Sam, please call her.
01:12:06 She misses you so much.
01:12:08 This guy is the whole reason she wouldn't sleep with you.
01:12:11 - She's sleeping with him?
01:12:12 - No, no.
01:12:13 She's just felt guilty this entire year.
01:12:16 She just didn't think it was fair to you.
01:12:17 She wanted to tell you,
01:12:18 but it was never the right time.
01:12:21 - She hid this from me.
01:12:22 We talked about getting married.
01:12:24 She never even told me this.
01:12:26 - I know, Sam.
01:12:27 She wanted to tell you.
01:12:28 She wishes she would have.
01:12:29 - I can't just call her.
01:12:33 What am I gonna say?
01:12:34 That over the last few weeks,
01:12:36 I decided that it was cool
01:12:37 that you were married this whole time
01:12:38 and just didn't tell me?
01:12:39 - Sam, she regrets not telling you.
01:12:41 It's killing her.
01:12:42 - Yeah, well, it's killing me too.
01:12:44 - Sam, call her, please.
01:12:47 (somber music)
01:12:50 - I don't know.
01:12:51 I'll talk to you guys later.
01:12:57 I gotta go.
01:12:58 (phone beeps)
01:13:02 (dramatic music)
01:13:10 (birds chirping)
01:13:13 (somber music)
01:13:26 (rain pattering)
01:13:28 (thunder rumbling)
01:13:36 (somber music)
01:13:43, (engine rumbling)
01:13:48 (phone ringing)
01:14:13 (Sam grunts)
01:14:15 - Hello?
01:14:17 - I'm going to LA.
01:14:19 - What?
01:14:20 - Who is it?
01:14:21 - Sam.
01:14:22 - Did you build a transport room?
01:14:24 'Cause I don't think a no advance round trip
01:14:27 to LA is in your budget.
01:14:28 - No, it's not, but a one-way ticket is.
01:14:31 I booked a flight last night.
01:14:33 Got the first good night's sleep
01:14:34 that I've had in a long time.
01:14:35 Yes, Los Angeles.
01:14:40 It leaves at 1:15.
01:14:41 Okay, thanks.
01:14:44 (dramatic music)
01:14:46 - Ah, full speed ahead.
01:14:57 Warp factor 10, Captain.
01:14:59 - Look, I gotta go.
01:15:01 I got a lot of errands to run before I leave town.
01:15:03 - Did you call her?
01:15:04 - Nope, gonna surprise her.
01:15:06 As a matter of fact, I got a lot of surprises.
01:15:08 - Well, do me a favor, Sam.
01:15:10 Live long and please, please try to prosper.
01:15:13 (dramatic music)
01:15:16 (upbeat music)
01:15:19 - Mr. Hething?
01:15:44 Where have you been?
01:15:46 - I've been kinda out of it.
01:15:48 I'm sorry.
01:15:49 I was worried about you.
01:15:50 Look, I did a lot of thinking about what you,
01:15:56 what we were talking about,
01:15:58 and you were right about love.
01:16:01 So I wanted to come by and thank you
01:16:04 on my way out of town.
01:16:06 - California?
01:16:07 - Yeah.
01:16:09 - Mr. Hething, I knew you were in love.
01:16:11 I just knew it.
01:16:12 - Well, I got a plane to catch.
01:16:14 (dramatic music)
01:16:17 - You know, Daryn, you don't need counseling anymore.
01:16:22 You're one of the smartest,
01:16:24 most well-adjusted people I know.
01:16:26 - I know.
01:16:27 I just figured sometimes you needed to talk about stuff.
01:16:30 (dramatic music)
01:16:33 - Well, how do I look?
01:16:38 - Like my grandma.
01:16:44 - Go get her, Mr. Hething.
01:16:45 (dramatic music)
01:16:48 (tires screeching)
01:17:07 (engine revving)
01:17:10 (engine revving)
01:17:18 (metal clanking)
01:17:23 (tires screeching)
01:17:35 (tires screeching)
01:17:38 (engine revving)
01:17:46 (water running)
01:17:51 (water running)
01:18:03 (water running)
01:18:06 - Drink next Wednesday night.
01:18:18 - The man is identified as Stephen Harwood.
01:18:20 Eyewitnesses say they saw him run the other car
01:18:22 off the road and police tell me there is evidence
01:18:25 he had been drinking.
01:18:26 A quick check of police records also reveals
01:18:28 Stephen Harwood Hething's jail time for spousal abuse.
01:18:32 Stephen Harwood was pronounced dead at the scene
01:18:34 here moments ago.
01:18:35 The other victim has been taken to University Hospital
01:18:37 where right now he is in critical condition.
01:18:39 His name will not be released pending notification
01:18:42 of his relatives.
01:18:43 Reporting live from Airport Road, I'm Lynn Parker.
01:18:46 (soft music)
01:18:48 (water rushing)
01:18:51 (soft music)
01:19:06 (soft music)
01:19:09 (soft music)
01:19:11 (beeping)
01:19:21 (soft music)
01:19:25 (soft music)
01:19:30 (soft music)
01:19:32 (beeping)
01:19:47 (beeping)
01:19:59 (beeping)
01:20:01 (beeping)
01:20:08 (beeping)
01:20:16 (beeping)
01:20:28 - Hi. - Hi.
01:20:29 - What's the time of death?
01:20:32 - 1711.
01:20:33 - Okay.
01:20:36 There are two people down in the waiting room
01:20:41 I need to go talk to.
01:20:43 - Okay.
01:20:44 (soft music)
01:20:57 - I'm very sorry.
01:20:58 (sobbing)
01:21:08 Even if one of them dies and they really, truly
01:21:17 love each other, they're still together, you know,
01:21:20 in their hearts.
01:21:21 (soft music)
01:21:25 (airplane engine roaring)
01:21:28 - This is your pilot speaking.
01:21:29 Welcome aboard our flight to Los Angeles International
01:21:32 Airport.
01:21:33 It'll take us approximately four hours and 10 minutes.
01:21:35 The same thing, we should touch down at LAX
01:21:37 right on time at 1052.
01:21:39 Sit back and enjoy the flight.
01:21:40 If there's anything we can do to make your flight
01:21:42 more pleasant, don't hesitate.
01:21:44 - Brady?
01:21:53 (breathing heavily)
01:21:56 - Well, how do I look?
01:22:03 - Like my grandma.
01:22:08 Go get her, Mr. Evening.
01:22:12 (soft music)
01:22:15 (dramatic music)
01:22:18 (soft music)
01:22:47 - My God, you see that?
01:22:49 - These crazy ass drivers.
01:22:51 We should stop, but I know you gotta catch that flight.
01:22:53 Let me call this in to dispatch.
01:22:54 There's an IMSA station just around the corner.
01:22:57 - I'm sorry you came all this way,
01:23:09 but that's not your friend who died in there.
01:23:11 I'm not surprised the guy who ran him off the road
01:23:13 made a mistake as much alcohol was in his system.
01:23:16 (dramatic music)
01:23:18 (dramatic music)
01:23:21 (dramatic music)
01:23:24 (dramatic music)
01:23:27 (dramatic music)
01:23:30 (knocking)
01:23:36 (dramatic music)
01:23:39 (dramatic music)
01:23:56 (dramatic music)
01:23:59 - Brady?
01:24:14 (dramatic music)
01:24:17 - Hey.
01:24:36 - Hey.
01:24:38 - Where'd you go?
01:24:42 (soft music)
01:24:44 - I...
01:24:45 I was looking for you.
01:24:49 I'm so sorry.
01:24:56 - Hey, it's okay.
01:25:01 It's okay.
01:25:02 While you were gone, I was talking to Brady
01:25:09 and he told me that taking care of you
01:25:12 is a pretty tough job to do all by himself.
01:25:15 I told him I'd help him take care of you.
01:25:19 Always.
01:25:24 - Okay.
01:25:29 - Okay.
01:25:36 (sobbing)
01:25:38 I love you so much.
01:25:41 (crowd chattering)
01:25:48 - Are we gonna do this?
01:25:59 (crowd cheering)
01:26:02 (dramatic music)
01:26:07 (crowd cheering)
01:26:10 (dramatic music)
01:26:17 (crowd cheering)
01:26:19 (crowd cheering)
01:26:30 (dramatic music)
01:26:34 (dramatic music)
01:26:37 (dramatic music)
01:26:40 - As it turned out, to be married,
01:27:06 you don't have to be able to leave tall buildings
01:27:07 in a single bound.
01:27:08 It's okay just to be Clark Kent sometimes.
01:27:13 Especially if you find the lowest lane.
01:27:16 ♪ I was rising up ♪
01:27:20 ♪ Into the clouds ♪
01:27:24 ♪ I could see the earth ♪
01:27:27 ♪ Fall beneath somehow ♪
01:27:33 ♪ I could feel the wind ♪
01:27:38 ♪ Rushing by ♪
01:27:42 ♪ A flash of red ♪
01:27:45 ♪ In the evening sky ♪
01:27:50 ♪ I wish that I could show you ♪
01:27:55 ♪ Make you understand ♪
01:27:59 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:28:03 ♪ If it only didn't mean a chance ♪
01:28:08 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:28:13 (dramatic music)
01:28:15 ♪ Other men ♪
01:28:33 ♪ Are tied to the crowd ♪
01:28:38 ♪ I can leave the building in a single bound ♪
01:28:43 ♪ Faster than ♪
01:28:52 ♪ A speeding train ♪
01:28:56 ♪ You're left behind me ♪
01:28:58 ♪ I can do anything ♪
01:29:05 ♪ I wish that I could show you ♪
01:29:09 ♪ Make you understand ♪
01:29:13 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:29:17 ♪ If it only didn't mean a chance ♪
01:29:22 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:29:32 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:29:35 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:30:01 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:30:05 ♪ If it only didn't mean a chance ♪
01:30:10 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:30:17 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:30:22 ♪ I hope you're ready to listen ♪