Die Hart 2: Die Harter (2024)

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Hart plans an innovative action film with unscripted, unexpected scenes to cement his legacy as the greatest. However, a blind spot leads him to fall victim to a vengeful plot from his past.

Transcript

00:00:00 [MUSIC]

00:00:10 [SOUND]

00:00:20 [MUSIC]

00:00:30 I mean, I'm 30,000 feet in the air, right?

00:00:49 They're saying, Kevin, come on, please.

00:00:50 Kevin, you gotta put on the parachute.

00:00:51 Everybody's going, please, please, Kev, at this point, they're begging me.

00:00:55 >> Tell me that the story ends with you wearing the parachute.

00:00:57 >> Absolutely fucking not, no.

00:01:00 >> [LAUGH] >> No, no, I want it to be authentic,

00:01:03 right? It's gotta be real.

00:01:04 >> Yeah. >> You know what Tom Cruise calls

00:01:05 parachutes?

00:01:06 Diapers.

00:01:07 >> Is that because they fill up when you're falling?

00:01:08 >> No, Tom told me, he said, Kevin, they put me in a parachute,

00:01:11 they might as well put a diaper on me and send me to pasture.

00:01:14 >> Look, Kevin, based on the success of the first one,

00:01:18 we see massive franchise potential with the Jeffersons.

00:01:21 And your agent just keeps saying that you might be waffling on doing a sequel, and

00:01:25 I'm just here to ask, is it about the money?

00:01:27 >> Look, Deb, the Jeffersons is amazing, right?

00:01:30 We did amazing work there, but I'll be honest, when I walk on that set,

00:01:34 I feel like I'm being babysat.

00:01:35 I mean, they give me goddamn stunt coordinators.

00:01:38 I have stage managers, wires, green screens.

00:01:43 >> Yes, and somehow you still manage to jump out of an airplane without a chute.

00:01:46 >> I wasn't telling the truth when I told you that, but

00:01:49 I forgot to say I was lying.

00:01:50 So let's take a pause, right, put a pin in that so you understand,

00:01:54 that wasn't the truth.

00:01:55 I had to make that up, it was pretending.

00:01:57 But you know why I gotta pretend?

00:01:59 Because I'm not a real action star, Deb.

00:02:01 >> Kevin, you took a sitcom about a dry cleaner and

00:02:03 you turned him into a motherfucking Jason Bourne, okay?

00:02:06 You are a real action star.

00:02:08 >> No, not yet.

00:02:10 >> Not yet?

00:02:10 >> No, but I will be when you fund my next project.

00:02:16 >> Okay.

00:02:18 >> Deb, now look, what I'm about to tell you is gonna seem crazy at first, but

00:02:21 I promise you, if you give it a chance, you'll get it.

00:02:23 Close your eyes.

00:02:24 >> Okay.

00:02:26 >> Deb, I want you to picture yourself going up a mountain.

00:02:28 [SOUND]

00:02:32 >> On the ground, let's go.

00:02:33 >> Come on.

00:02:34 [SOUND]

00:02:35 >> All right, you rich assholes.

00:02:37 [SOUND]

00:02:39 >> Do it.

00:02:40 >> Go like this.

00:02:41 >> Jewelry.

00:02:42 >> All your fancy shit.

00:02:43 >> Why did it take you so long?

00:02:44 >> Put it in the bag.

00:02:45 >> Let's go.

00:02:46 >> Stay calm, stay calm.

00:02:48 >> Everything shiny, let's go.

00:02:50 >> Let's go.

00:02:51 >> Keep it in the bag, let's go.

00:02:53 >> Hey, come this way.

00:02:55 >> I don't have all day here.

00:02:56 >> Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

00:03:00 >> Trying to hide, little man?

00:03:01 [MUSIC]

00:03:04 >> What the fuck did you just call me?

00:03:07 >> Bet you got a big wallet for such a little man.

00:03:10 Now put it in the bag.

00:03:11 [MUSIC]

00:03:14 >> You want my wallet?

00:03:15 >> Huh?

00:03:17 >> Give it back, I got this.

00:03:18 >> You got what?

00:03:22 >> I want your gun.

00:03:23 >> Shit, you believe this fucking clown?

00:03:26 [MUSIC]

00:03:28 Give me your head.

00:03:29 [MUSIC]

00:03:36 >> You're just gonna be the first man in history to shoot somebody with a safety on?

00:03:40 >> What?

00:03:40 >> Huh?

00:03:41 [MUSIC]

00:03:51 >> I don't like guns.

00:03:53 >> Shit.

00:03:54 [MUSIC]

00:03:56 >> No, no, no.

00:03:57 >> Damn it.

00:03:57 >> Shit.

00:03:58 [MUSIC]

00:04:08 >> Nice to beef you, motherfucker.

00:04:15 >> [APPLAUSE]

00:04:22 >> Hey, it's not about me, it's about you.

00:04:25 You got everybody safe.

00:04:27 It's a crazy world that we're living in.

00:04:28 A lot of nut jobs out here.

00:04:29 >> Kevin, Kevin, what just happened?

00:04:35 >> Real goddamn action.

00:04:38 That's what just happened.

00:04:39 >> Okay.

00:04:39 >> Real fucking action.

00:04:41 That's the adrenaline that I want audiences across the globe to feel, Deb.

00:04:45 >> Is that, that this was all staged?

00:04:47 >> Yeah, all of it, they're actors.

00:04:50 I just wanted to give you a little taste of what our movie was about, right?

00:04:52 This is the movie that we're gonna make.

00:04:54 So what I did was, I brought an outline, right?

00:04:56 Little rough outline, give you a little heavy idea about what we're gonna do.

00:05:00 >> Boy.

00:05:01 >> The world of our movie lives in improvised action.

00:05:05 It's spontaneous ass whoopings.

00:05:07 That's what this is about.

00:05:08 >> That guy spontaneously hit you with a gun.

00:05:10 >> He's my Larry.

00:05:12 Larry, hey, you got me good.

00:05:14 I'm gonna feel that one.

00:05:15 >> Yeah, you are.

00:05:16 >> Yeah, goddamn right.

00:05:17 Fucking Larry.

00:05:18 >> You're not well.

00:05:19 No, you're not well.

00:05:20 >> This is about me getting the respect that I deserve as an action star, Deb.

00:05:24 >> [LAUGH]

00:05:24 >> What is it that you want me to say here?

00:05:29 >> What do I want you to say, Deb?

00:05:30 I want you to say, I'll do it.

00:05:33 >> My answer is no.

00:05:35 Never, this is never going to happen, not at my studio or anyone else's.

00:05:40 No, please, no.

00:05:41 >> Can you just give it a- >> No, no, no, no.

00:05:43 >> Deb, can you just, can you just please give it a read, okay?

00:05:49 Here.

00:05:49 >> Okay, let's just see.

00:05:51 >> There you go.

00:05:52 That's all I want.

00:05:53 Can you just- >> I'll read it.

00:05:57 [MUSIC]

00:06:00 We did it, yeah.

00:06:02 [APPLAUSE]

00:06:12 [SOUND]

00:06:20 >> Hello, Mr. Greenlight.

00:06:23 She loved it, right?

00:06:24 I told you she was gonna love it.

00:06:25 What's the budget she gave you, $300 million?

00:06:27 $500 million for this?

00:06:30 >> This is drive.

00:06:30 >> I am so sorry, Kevin, that's not, that is not fair.

00:06:37 You are a king, and this town doesn't deserve you, do you hear me?

00:06:41 You are a king, you are my king.

00:06:43 Praise, praise.

00:06:44 Wait a second, is that her right there?

00:06:47 Is that her, the one throwing away the script, is that her right there?

00:06:50 Excuse me, ma'am?

00:06:51 Excuse me, ma'am in the red jacket, how are you?

00:06:54 Kevin Darnell Hart is a national treasure, a national treasure.

00:06:57 >> Just drive the car.

00:06:58 >> We're gonna drive the car, but honestly, get your shit together.

00:07:02 Nice to meet you.

00:07:03 >> Drive the fucking car.

00:07:04 >> Andre?

00:07:04 [SOUND]

00:07:10 [MUSIC]

00:07:15 >> Today is gonna be the most amazing day of your life, your paper.

00:07:19 >> You say the same thing every day, Andre, and every day you're wrong.

00:07:22 >> Well, come on, you're just cranky because you haven't had your tofu tahini

00:07:26 smoothie.

00:07:26 I'll get that for you right now.

00:07:27 Sophie, his TT.

00:07:29 >> I really hate that you call it that.

00:07:30 >> There we go, big gulps.

00:07:32 There you go.

00:07:33 >> No, I'm cranky because the movie of my dreams just flamed.

00:07:37 Okay, now I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.

00:07:39 >> Well, I mean, come on, man, you still love us.

00:07:41 That's amazing, right?

00:07:42 You have us.

00:07:43 >> The hell does that mean, who?

00:07:44 >> Hannah, Sophie, me, your man TJ right over here.

00:07:48 I'm talking about your village.

00:07:50 I know what you need.

00:07:51 I know what you need, a massage.

00:07:53 Nina, you all set up to do hot stones?

00:07:55 >> I can be in about ten minutes.

00:07:56 >> You can be in about ten minutes.

00:07:58 >> Kevin, the crew are ready whenever you are.

00:08:00 >> Yeah, I'm ready.

00:08:02 >> You got this.

00:08:03 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:04 There you go.

00:08:05 God, how you doing?

00:08:08 >> Good, great.

00:08:09 Kev.

00:08:09 >> Now just pretend you're biking through the Swiss Alps.

00:08:13 >> We'll CG the Alps in later.

00:08:14 >> What is that?

00:08:16 I'm on foot though, I need a bike.

00:08:18 >> Right, we'll CG that in too.

00:08:20 Action.

00:08:24 >> You just want me to- >> Just go for it.

00:08:26 >> Act like I'm riding a bike.

00:08:29 >> Exactly.

00:08:29 Straight arms, Kevin, look at this.

00:08:32 Kevin, look at this.

00:08:32 >> Hey man, no.

00:08:37 I can't do this shit.

00:08:38 I can't. I cannot do this shit anymore.

00:08:44 All right, I'm tired of the CGI and the goddamn green screens.

00:08:48 All this fake shit.

00:08:49 >> No.

00:08:51 >> I want real fucking action.

00:08:54 >> Kevin, no.

00:08:54 >> You know what's the ETA on those hot stones?

00:09:00 [SOUND]

00:09:01 [SOUND]

00:09:05 >> It appears A-list actor Kevin Hart is back in the news again.

00:09:09 Star of the high octane reboot of The Jeffersons,

00:09:12 Hart has spent his own money destroying a high end Hollywood restaurant.

00:09:17 In an attempt to woo a studio boss into financing what he refers to as a

00:09:21 cinema verite style action film.

00:09:24 >> This comes just a year after the actor famously fired his long time stunt man,

00:09:29 Doug Eubanks, in the middle of production.

00:09:31 A decision that left insiders dumbfounded.

00:09:34 >> Bring me this man.

00:09:35 Bring me this.

00:09:38 Kevin Hart.

00:09:40 >> Also known as Mr. 206.

00:09:42 [SOUND]

00:09:44 >> Wow, this is big, man.

00:09:47 No, like this is really big.

00:09:49 >> I don't think you understand.

00:09:50 I cast my dream out into the universe and guess what?

00:09:53 Carl Strumberg comes running.

00:09:54 >> Absolutely, yeah, yeah.

00:09:56 But I gotta say boss, I don't like it.

00:10:00 I mean, you don't even know this guy, right?

00:10:02 I tried to look him up and nothing came up on Google.

00:10:04 >> Duh, it's because he's European.

00:10:07 They got their own Google.

00:10:08 Everybody knows that, all right?

00:10:10 Listen, the guy's loaded.

00:10:11 Got tons of money.

00:10:12 And if his desire is to make my movie, so be it.

00:10:15 I'm good.

00:10:15 >> I can't do it, boss.

00:10:17 I am so sorry.

00:10:17 I can't do it.

00:10:18 My job is to look out for your best interest.

00:10:20 And I don't really think that- >> What did you just say?

00:10:22 >> My job to look out for- >> It is not your job.

00:10:25 As a matter of fact, that's the complete opposite of your job.

00:10:28 You know who looks out for me, Andre?

00:10:30 Me, that's who looks out for me, me, okay?

00:10:33 You know what, pull over.

00:10:34 >> What? >> Pull over,

00:10:35 I'm driving myself.

00:10:36 I don't want you to- >> Kevin, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:10:37 Kevin, you can't drive yourself.

00:10:38 You need me, you need me.

00:10:40 >> I do not need you.

00:10:41 Correction, I don't need you.

00:10:43 I didn't need my stunt man.

00:10:45 I damn sure don't need an assistant telling me how to live my life.

00:10:47 Pull over.

00:10:48 [SOUND] >> Don't hold the wheel in the middle.

00:10:53 >> Shut up, Andre.

00:10:54 I said shut up.

00:10:56 I don't know how to drive.

00:10:57 >> We know, we all know.

00:10:58 He knows how to drive a car, we know.

00:11:00 But let's say you put your hand down, you're popping in D.

00:11:03 >> Popping it first.

00:11:03 >> Nope, that's reverse.

00:11:05 You know what, why don't I help you out?

00:11:06 I'll get in there, I'll start her up, I'll roll out.

00:11:09 Everybody will think it was you.

00:11:10 >> I don't want you to- >> Good, good, good, good, good, good.

00:11:14 >> Smooth, very smooth.

00:11:16 >> You're leaning, fuck off.

00:11:18 I'll drive all the way home.

00:11:19 [SOUND]

00:11:29 >> So Carl, Carl, what is it, what is that you do for a living, man?

00:11:46 >> I made my fortune mining precious metals.

00:11:51 >> Mm.

00:11:53 >> Now I finance films, primarily in the Balkans, once in North Korea.

00:11:59 >> It's probably hard to get permits over there, huh?

00:12:01 >> Permits are for cowards.

00:12:03 Your outline is dangerous, is violent.

00:12:10 There's almost no narrative that makes sense to a regular human being.

00:12:15 >> I'm not a regular human being, no.

00:12:17 I am Carl Stromberg.

00:12:22 >> Yeah, and that is why.

00:12:23 >> I will finance this film for you.

00:12:28 >> What did you just say to me?

00:12:31 You telling me that you're gonna finance my goddamn movie?

00:12:34 Huh?

00:12:36 [LAUGH] Dude, you just made my day, man.

00:12:39 And I don't have to do my pitch.

00:12:41 My pitch is expensive.

00:12:41 I ain't gonna bring all this glass stuff in here,

00:12:43 cuz I know I gotta pay for it.

00:12:44 >> Dude, I was in a dark place, Carl.

00:12:47 I was in a real dark place, man.

00:12:49 You just pulled me out of a dark place.

00:12:51 >> It's cuz people underestimate you.

00:12:53 >> Yeah.

00:12:53 >> When you left comedy for action, they said you'd fail.

00:12:58 When you fired your stuntman to do your own stunts, they said you would fail.

00:13:04 >> You heard about that?

00:13:05 >> Everyone heard about that.

00:13:06 It's only you and Tom Cruise who do your own stunts now.

00:13:09 >> That's a fact.

00:13:12 Two peas in a pie, man.

00:13:13 >> What's going on? What you doing?

00:13:14 >> This film, Kevin, will put you in your own category.

00:13:23 One pea in one pot.

00:13:29 >> Yes, right.

00:13:31 That's right.

00:13:32 One pea, one pot.

00:13:32 Hell yeah.

00:13:36 That's what it's supposed to be, Carl.

00:13:38 You know what, man?

00:13:38 I know we just met, but I feel like I've known you for a long time,

00:13:42 because you get me.

00:13:43 I'm so sick of this CG and this green screen shit.

00:13:48 >> So what did you think of the story, Carl?

00:13:51 >> No one watches movies for their story.

00:13:54 >> Yeah.

00:13:55 >> They watch it for the action.

00:13:56 And the narrative.

00:13:59 >> I don't really have any dick in my script.

00:14:06 But if you want some, if you feel like people wanna see dick, I can add some dick.

00:14:12 I'm not afraid to go full frontal.

00:14:14 I'll do it, right?

00:14:16 If that's what the people want.

00:14:17 My biggest thing though is the action, man.

00:14:19 I just don't wanna see it coming, right?

00:14:21 I wanna be caught off guard.

00:14:22 >> You will shit your pants.

00:14:24 >> What you talking about?

00:14:24 >> We will have to change your pants a bit about all times for

00:14:28 when you shit your pants.

00:14:30 >> Cuz I'm scared.

00:14:33 >> You will shit.

00:14:34 >> I will shit.

00:14:35 >> You will shit your pants.

00:14:36 >> I'll shit my goddamn pants.

00:14:38 >> You will shit.

00:14:39 I wanna shit.

00:14:41 >> You will shit.

00:14:42 >> All right, I wanna shit.

00:14:43 >> You wanna shit?

00:14:43 >> Yeah, I will shit.

00:14:45 >> You shit your pants.

00:14:47 >> I'm ready to shit my pants, Carl.

00:14:50 I wanna shit my pants.

00:14:52 Right now.

00:14:53 When do we start slacking shit?

00:14:57 >> We already have.

00:14:57 There's a camera hidden right behind you.

00:15:00 [MUSIC]

00:15:06 >> I think I see it.

00:15:07 The little, the black, the space with the black, right?

00:15:10 [MUSIC]

00:15:20 [SOUND]

00:15:30 [MUSIC]

00:15:41 [SOUND]

00:15:51 >> Back up.

00:16:04 Get your ass back.

00:16:06 I don't know who you think you messing with, but I tell you, you got.

00:16:09 Shit.

00:16:10 You gonna fucking eat my ass.

00:16:13 You gonna eat my ass and set me on fire or some shit, ain't you?

00:16:15 Who are you?

00:16:17 Huh?

00:16:19 Where am I?

00:16:20 Tell me, tell me, tell me where I'm at.

00:16:21 Oh, wait a minute.

00:16:23 Do you work for, you work for Carl Strumberg?

00:16:25 [MUSIC]

00:16:30 I said, do you work for Carl Strumberg?

00:16:32 [MUSIC]

00:16:38 Okay.

00:16:41 Okay.

00:16:42 Okay, we in it.

00:16:43 This is it.

00:16:44 We're, we're doing it.

00:16:45 Okay, Carl.

00:16:46 I like it.

00:16:47 I like it.

00:16:49 Okay, shit.

00:16:50 Okay, let me see.

00:16:51 Where are we? Where are we in the script?

00:16:52 God, my adrenaline is flowing so much.

00:16:54 You got me.

00:16:55 I thought you was really trying to eat my ass.

00:16:57 All right.

00:16:58 Okay, three, two, one.

00:16:59 Okay.

00:17:01 Rice, peas, carrots.

00:17:02 Let's go.

00:17:02 [MUSIC]

00:17:09 You know, I've been searching the globe for you.

00:17:10 You're a hard man to find, Mr. Bartholomew.

00:17:14 [MUSIC]

00:17:20 I think you got a line.

00:17:21 You got a line.

00:17:23 You say your part, then I'll react off of that,

00:17:28 because what you say sets me up to now have my, unless you're not union.

00:17:32 All right.

00:17:32 Is he union or no?

00:17:34 Guys, can you not just.

00:17:37 Okay.

00:17:38 Oh, rewrite.

00:17:39 There must have been pink pages.

00:17:40 Okay, let me get back in it.

00:17:42 [MUSIC]

00:17:45 What you gonna do with those?

00:17:47 Chop off my finger?

00:17:48 Cut off my leg, my foot.

00:17:51 News flash, I only need one foot to kick your ass.

00:17:56 That is a trailer moment.

00:18:00 Guys, I only.

00:18:02 Good evening.

00:18:04 Do not use the shears on this man.

00:18:07 Is that, is that the producer?

00:18:09 Is that Carl?

00:18:10 Carl!

00:18:10 He must atone for his sins.

00:18:14 What is that?

00:18:15 Atone for my, I don't know.

00:18:17 He must feel the pain he has made others feel.

00:18:20 Yeah, I'm lost, guys.

00:18:24 I don't know where we are.

00:18:25 If we're gonna do rewrites, you guys gotta give me the pages.

00:18:30 I'll stay in it, I'll stay in it.

00:18:31 [MUSIC]

00:18:35 Okay, all right, okay.

00:18:37 Why don't we take it easy?

00:18:39 Cuz I know why you're mad, huh?

00:18:40 You mad because I, stop right there, stop right there.

00:18:42 No, no, no, let's make that your mark.

00:18:43 Nope, stop right there.

00:18:44 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!

00:18:48 No, no, no, fuck you!

00:18:51 Wait, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey man, hey!

00:18:54 No, no, no, no, no, don't cut my dick, don't cut my dick.

00:18:58 Okay, use it.

00:18:59 Use, I'm gonna use it.

00:18:59 I'm gonna stay in it.

00:19:00 And, yeah!

00:19:04 [MUSIC]

00:19:14 Come on, come on.

00:19:19 [MUSIC]

00:19:29 [SOUND]

00:19:33 Damn it.

00:19:34 No, not today.

00:19:37 Yeah!

00:19:39 Did we get it?

00:19:40 Huh?

00:19:41 [LAUGH] Spin it, we got it.

00:19:43 Yeah.

00:19:45 [MUSIC]

00:19:49 Coming for your ass, Montoya.

00:19:52 That stuff's incredible, so good.

00:19:54 [MUSIC]

00:19:58 Shit, it's Montoya's men.

00:20:01 [MUSIC]

00:20:11 [SOUND]

00:20:14 Jordan, what the hell are you doing here?

00:20:16 [INAUDIBLE]

00:20:20 Son of a bitch.

00:20:21 Did they hurt you?

00:20:22 [INAUDIBLE]

00:20:23 Did they hurt you?

00:20:24 Kevin, what the hell is going on?

00:20:26 The uranium heist, that's what's going on.

00:20:28 What do you want?

00:20:29 I already handled Bartholomew.

00:20:31 But you know what, Montoya?

00:20:33 He's not gonna let us off as easy.

00:20:35 What the hell are you talking about?

00:20:39 I was walking my dog, and someone hit me in the fucking neck with a tranquilizer dart.

00:20:44 Huh?

00:20:45 And I ended up here.

00:20:46 What are you talking about?

00:20:48 You didn't talk to Karl Strumberg?

00:20:50 Who?

00:20:51 Karl Strumberg about the movie.

00:20:53 Right now we're in it, this is the movie.

00:20:56 It's a live action movie.

00:20:57 We're improvving all the action scenes.

00:20:59 No green screen, no fucking cables.

00:21:02 It's real raw.

00:21:03 It's gonna take my acting career and my action status to the next level.

00:21:07 So this is all your fault?

00:21:09 I mean, it's my script.

00:21:10 It took me, I don't know how long to develop it, but Karl.

00:21:12 That was your problem.

00:21:13 Stop.

00:21:14 What are you doing?

00:21:15 He's wrong with you.

00:21:15 Shit.

00:21:16 Ow.

00:21:16 Stop it.

00:21:17 Stop it.

00:21:17 Shit.

00:21:18 Stop it.

00:21:19 How long were you laying on that?

00:21:21 Damn it.

00:21:22 Now why you got attitude?

00:21:24 This is a simple outline, it's a layup.

00:21:27 Okay?

00:21:28 I'm a triple agent.

00:21:30 In my seven, I'm the highest of high, right?

00:21:32 Like you can't get higher than where I am.

00:21:34 But you, you're my love interest.

00:21:36 They took you hostage 'cause they knew that's the only way to get to me.

00:21:38 So now I'm here and I gotta get you.

00:21:40 You understand what I'm saying?

00:21:41 You're pathetic.

00:21:42 And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is a felony.

00:21:45 Well, I'm pretty sure that when you're an adult, they don't call it kidnapping.

00:21:49 So, that's, that's pathetic.

00:21:51 Fuck you, Kevin.

00:21:52 What do you mean, fuck me?

00:21:53 Why you mad at me?

00:21:55 You should be mad at Karl Stromberg.

00:21:56 I do not know who that is.

00:21:58 Shh.

00:22:04 You don't want him to hear you.

00:22:06 Who?

00:22:07 Who will hear me?

00:22:08 There's no one here.

00:22:08 And do not say Karl Stromberg.

00:22:11 Are you saying Strom or Strom?

00:22:12 Is it Strom or Stromberg?

00:22:13 'Cause I don't know that.

00:22:14 Okay, hey, hey.

00:22:16 There are cameras everywhere.

00:22:18 We're filming a movie.

00:22:20 Where?

00:22:21 Where?

00:22:22 There are no cameras anywhere.

00:22:25 Will you look around?

00:22:26 There's cameras everywhere.

00:22:28 Okay, listen, listen.

00:22:29 All I need you to do is just grasp what's going on.

00:22:32 This is a big opportunity for both of us.

00:22:35 Okay, just get in character.

00:22:38 Please.

00:22:43 They got this place locked down tighter than Fort Knox.

00:22:46 Oh, God.

00:22:48 He wrote this dialogue?

00:22:49 Those motherfuckers knew I would come rescue you.

00:22:52 You're a beautiful damsel in distress like yourself.

00:22:57 Yeah, thank you for rescuing me.

00:23:00 Just like any woman, I wouldn't know what to do if a man didn't

00:23:05 show up to save me and tell me to eat so I don't starve and

00:23:10 breathe oxygen so I don't suffocate.

00:23:13 Let's cut.

00:23:14 Can we cut?

00:23:15 Can you work with me?

00:23:18 I'd rather not.

00:23:19 Please.

00:23:21 All right, guys, we're going to go again.

00:23:23 All right?

00:23:24 Self-action.

00:23:25 Do you have any idea what's on the other side of that door?

00:23:29 It's some dangerous men on the other side of that door.

00:23:32 I'm talking mercenaries, killers, ninjas, failed karate

00:23:36 school instructors, people that want to do bad things to me

00:23:39 just because they can.

00:23:40 It's a bounty on my fucking head.

00:23:44 I'll tell you what, Esmeralda.

00:23:48 I'll pay that bounty.

00:23:51 And I will give them my head if it meant saving your life so

00:23:56 that you can finish med school and open up that clinic that

00:23:59 you always wanted to open.

00:24:00 How the shit?

00:24:01 Open up that clinic that you always wanted to--

00:24:03 Esmeralda, wait.

00:24:05 Esmeralda.

00:24:07 Hey.

00:24:08 Oh, you fucking piece of shit.

00:24:14 You leave her out of it, you hear me?

00:24:16 She's got nothing to do with this.

00:24:19 This is between me, you, and 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium.

00:24:25 All right.

00:24:26 That's how you want to have it?

00:24:28 Let's have at it.

00:24:31 I'm so over this.

00:24:33 Kevin, next time you have a terrible movie idea,

00:24:35 leave me out of it, yeah?

00:24:38 Oh, shit.

00:24:39 I'm sorry, but did this central casting goon

00:24:45 just hit me in the face with a real fucking ax?

00:24:48 Cut. No, no, no.

00:24:49 We need to cut right now.

00:24:50 I don't know what we're productive misses,

00:24:52 but I need to speak to a producer.

00:24:54 [SCREAMING]

00:24:56 [GRUNTING]

00:24:59 Is that all you've got?

00:25:09 Jordan, let me get in there now.

00:25:13 You're in, you ass.

00:25:15 [GRUNTING]

00:25:18 Jordan, let my character get something.

00:25:21 Tag me in.

00:25:22 [GRUNTING]

00:25:25 Hold it.

00:25:37 Hold it.

00:25:43 Yeah.

00:25:45 Woo!

00:25:46 We got that.

00:25:47 What a scene.

00:25:49 Good job.

00:25:50 Here.

00:25:51 I think I'm the one that was supposed to kick his ass,

00:25:53 though, because I'm the lead.

00:25:55 So I'm quite sure that was supposed to be me.

00:25:57 [GUNSHOTS]

00:25:59 Go, go, go!

00:26:00 Go!

00:26:01 [GUNSHOTS]

00:26:04 [GRUNTING]

00:26:07 That guy was trying to kill me.

00:26:09 Kevin, not acting, not a movie.

00:26:11 Literally trying to kill me.

00:26:12 No.

00:26:13 It's cinema verite.

00:26:14 I know it's a little different, but that's what it is.

00:26:16 Different?

00:26:17 A little fucking different, Kevin!

00:26:19 Whoa, are you OK?

00:26:20 Yeah, I know you're just trying to get me to apologize.

00:26:22 - Kevin. - Just give me a second.

00:26:24 What?

00:26:25 You've been hit with a real fucking bullet.

00:26:30 That's not real blood.

00:26:32 What?

00:26:33 Of course it's real blood.

00:26:34 No, taste it.

00:26:35 I'm not going to taste your blood, Kevin.

00:26:37 You can.

00:26:38 You can.

00:26:39 It's pig's blood.

00:26:40 It's not my blood.

00:26:41 Does that feel fake?

00:26:43 Ow!

00:26:44 Ow!

00:26:45 Shit, shit.

00:26:46 I gotta lay down.

00:26:48 I gotta lay down.

00:26:51 Kevin!

00:26:53 Kevin!

00:26:55 No, no, no, no, wait, look.

00:26:56 There's a photographer, look.

00:26:57 Watch a picture.

00:26:58 It's there.

00:26:59 Come on.

00:27:01 What the fuck?

00:27:04 Your friend had what now?

00:27:06 Just an unexpected accident with a very small,

00:27:11 flying, fast, like, projectile object through his shoulder.

00:27:15 And I just think some painkillers would really help him.

00:27:18 I know I don't have a prescription,

00:27:19 but I can assure you this is an emergency.

00:27:23 I see.

00:27:24 Want to score some good drugs?

00:27:30 Some Xanny, some Mox, Chuckleheads, Wet Garys,

00:27:33 Shriek and Jimmys, Moon Pie, Spider Pie?

00:27:35 Look, I'm not a drug addict.

00:27:37 I'm an actor.

00:27:38 Don't you recognize me?

00:27:39 Um...

00:27:41 Okay, it doesn't matter, all right?

00:27:43 My idiot friend got shot with a real bullet,

00:27:45 an actual fucking bullet from an actual fucking gun,

00:27:47 and now he's bleeding out in your alleyway,

00:27:49 and if you don't help me help him,

00:27:51 you're gonna have a body on your hands.

00:27:53 Would I know him from anywhere?

00:27:58 You're lucky it just grazed you.

00:28:02 Here, it's the best I could do.

00:28:05 The hell is this?

00:28:06 This is for the pain.

00:28:08 Pharmacist was a real piece of work.

00:28:11 Well, you're a piece of work for bringing this out here to me.

00:28:13 I can't drink this. This is my competitor.

00:28:15 You gotta go back in there and ask for Grand Corps Amino.

00:28:18 Are you being serious right now?

00:28:19 Kevin, you've been shot. I was kidnapped.

00:28:21 -It's grown woman, man. -You need to fix this.

00:28:23 -Okay. -You need to fix this now.

00:28:25 I told you, I can't.

00:28:27 Okay? Even if I wanted to, I can't do it.

00:28:29 And by the way, it's all by design.

00:28:31 I gave all the rights over to Karl Stromberg,

00:28:34 who is a great precious metals magnate.

00:28:37 You do hear how that sounds, right?

00:28:39 You hear the words?

00:28:41 You know, Andre was right.

00:28:43 Andre, your assistant?

00:28:45 Yes, my assistant. No, my former assistant.

00:28:49 He was right, though. You know what we're gonna do?

00:28:51 We're gonna pay Karl Stromberg a visit.

00:28:54 Yeah, that's exactly what we're gonna do.

00:28:56 We're gonna tell him he needs to get back on book.

00:28:58 'Cause right now, he's not following my guidelines at all.

00:29:02 And we're all over the place.

00:29:03 In order for this movie to be the best thing that we know that it can be,

00:29:06 we gotta get back on pace.

00:29:08 Okay? We're paying him a visit.

00:29:10 Well, at least my car is still here.

00:29:14 Yeah, but it's the only one. This place is dead.

00:29:17 Yeah, it's because it's the weekend. That's why.

00:29:19 Kevin, it's Tuesday.

00:29:21 Huh.

00:29:27 Hey, what the fuck?

00:29:29 Kevin, it doesn't look like anyone's been here for weeks.

00:29:32 No, that's not true. I was just here.

00:29:35 I was just here. Stromberg was right there.

00:29:38 Okay, that was last week, or it may have been a week before.

00:29:40 I don't know what week it was, 'cause I got knocked the fuck out.

00:29:42 But I was here. He was sitting at a desk right here.

00:29:46 This is where he was. He was...

00:29:48 Mm-mm.

00:29:55 You look shit. Your pants, your pants.

00:29:57 I'm not crazy. I knew he was here.

00:30:00 Would I have this if he wasn't here?

00:30:02 It's a butt to his cigar.

00:30:04 And you know what he was doing?

00:30:06 He was doing real weird stuff with the cigar.

00:30:08 Licking it, putting it in his nose, slapping all on it.

00:30:11 I was watching him while he was doing it.

00:30:13 Closing his eyes. All this dead...

00:30:16 Why did you have to drag me into your stupid fantasy death wish movie?

00:30:24 What are you talking about?

00:30:25 All I said was think somebody like Jordan King.

00:30:27 He wouldn't think. It was a suggestion.

00:30:29 Oh, great. Thanks for the suggestion.

00:30:31 He probably wanted you because you're one of the biggest stars in Sweden.

00:30:33 What if that's the case?

00:30:34 I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg is the biggest star in Sweden.

00:30:37 The environmental activist?

00:30:38 Yeah, they have their priorities straight.

00:30:40 Wait, whoa.

00:30:42 Wait a minute. Come here. What's this?

00:30:46 Look.

00:30:48 Look. Will you just look?

00:30:51 [The VHS player is playing]

00:30:53 Damn, it's stuck.

00:31:00 Whoa. It's a VHS.

00:31:05 I haven't seen one of these in years.

00:31:07 Hey, it's Brian McFadden, Dunn-Puff Hall Associates, reading for...

00:31:17 Sorry, is it a stopper or...?

00:31:19 That's Karl Strumberg.

00:31:21 It's him. I mean, he...

00:31:23 It's different hair, but it's him.

00:31:25 [The VHS player is playing]

00:31:27 Kevin, it's an audition tape.

00:31:34 Yeah, well, obviously.

00:31:35 I can see that. I see that it's an audition tape.

00:31:38 The question is why. Why is it an audition tape?

00:31:40 Oh, my God. Wait a minute. Is Karl Strumberg even real?

00:31:43 What? You didn't Google him before the meeting?

00:31:45 He's from Sweden.

00:31:46 You want me to go all the way to Sweden and Google?

00:31:48 It's ridiculous. Stop.

00:31:50 Are you on drugs?

00:31:52 [The VHS player is playing]

00:31:54 Craig Alteret!

00:31:59 [The VHS player is playing]

00:32:03 Hello?

00:32:09 Hello, Mr. Action Star. Congratulations. You escaped.

00:32:13 Uh, do you know you shot me with a real bullet?

00:32:16 Of course I know. That bullet was meant to kill you.

00:32:19 Oh, that's stupid. You killed me, and then you don't have a movie.

00:32:22 You moron. There is no movie. There never was.

00:32:25 What do you mean, there's no movie? You better stop talking like that.

00:32:28 That's blasphemy, and you know it. There is a movie.

00:32:31 Okay, who is it? Are you the producer?

00:32:33 You have forgotten who you are. Where you came from.

00:32:37 How did anybody forget where they came from?

00:32:39 And what was the name of your first elementary school teacher?

00:32:45 Mrs. Falkson.

00:32:47 No, Miss Clarkson. Clarkson.

00:32:50 Yeah, Miss Clarkson.

00:32:52 And the hospital where you were born?

00:32:54 What does that have to do with anything?

00:32:55 The name.

00:32:57 What?

00:33:00 Uh, St. Falkenstein.

00:33:04 That sounds right.

00:33:05 St. Falkenstein Hospital.

00:33:07 What the-- Hey, enough of this shit! Cut the shit!

00:33:10 Who are you? Who the fuck are you?

00:33:12 I'm the person who's brought an end to your life.

00:33:15 You are no longer Kevin Hart. You are nothing.

00:33:18 Uh, excuse me. Can I ask why I've been dragged into this?

00:33:22 Great, Kevin. You took all the phone time with him.

00:33:26 Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to figure out what's going on with my life.

00:33:30 Trying to hear a serial killer voice out.

00:33:33 I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you.

00:33:35 God damn it, Jordan.

00:33:37 Do you hear that?

00:33:41 It's the VCR.

00:33:43 What the fuck?

00:33:45 Oh, fuck! It's a bomb!

00:33:48 What?

00:33:49 It's a fucking bomb!

00:33:50 Well, disarm it!

00:33:51 You fucking disarm it!

00:33:53 Oh, yeah, 'cause I know how to disarm a bomb.

00:33:55 Oh, I do, 'cause I'm black.

00:33:56 That's what you think? Every black man know how to disarm a bomb?

00:33:58 That is not a thing, Kevin!

00:33:59 Oh, I bet it's not a thing. Get your racist ass back!

00:34:01 Move! Move!

00:34:03 Quick, quick, quick! Come on!

00:34:05 Oh, my God!

00:34:06 Open it! Open it!

00:34:08 Pull! Pull!

00:34:11 Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

00:34:15 Back! Get back! Get back! Get back!

00:34:21 Shit!

00:34:23 Okay.

00:34:31 Well, I guess it is just a movie.

00:34:33 Yeah. And that was a fake bomb that was...

00:34:35 Shit!

00:34:37 (coughing)

00:34:45 Oh, my God!

00:34:46 Oh, you're okay. You're okay.

00:34:48 What was that sound?

00:34:49 Andre?

00:34:50 What the hell are you doing here?

00:34:51 Come on, go!

00:34:52 What are you talking about?

00:34:53 I'll get the door for you.

00:34:54 No! No!

00:34:55 Kevin, that was a real fucking bomb.

00:34:57 A real fucking bomb!

00:34:59 Jordan, can you put yourself in my shoes?

00:35:01 I will not!

00:35:02 No, you can't!

00:35:03 Can you put yourself in my shoes?

00:35:04 I will not!

00:35:05 No, no, I do not have to do that.

00:35:07 Do you know what? Just shut up.

00:35:08 Shut the fuck up!

00:35:10 Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre.

00:35:11 I don't know if you remember me.

00:35:12 Hey, man, put your hand on the wheel.

00:35:14 You got it.

00:35:15 I'm actually-- I'm Kevin's protege.

00:35:17 Sorry.

00:35:18 Oh, I'm Kevin's assistant.

00:35:19 Uh, former assistant.

00:35:20 Fuck me!

00:35:21 Of course I remember you, Andre.

00:35:23 So what?

00:35:24 Kevin kicked you out in the middle of the street, did he?

00:35:26 Oh, pish-posh, no.

00:35:27 Of course not.

00:35:28 Technically, it was the sidewalk.

00:35:30 And I love Skid Row.

00:35:32 Everybody's got a story to tell.

00:35:33 So many teachable moments.

00:35:35 Wait, you didn't go home.

00:35:37 You just waited here this whole time.

00:35:38 Well, yeah, I mean, I always carry a spare key, right?

00:35:40 That's what I do, and I don't mind waiting.

00:35:42 It was a quick 25, 30 hours.

00:35:45 30 hours?

00:35:46 I would wait a lifetime to make sure Kevin is okay.

00:35:49 Stop it. Stop it.

00:35:50 I didn't ask you to do that.

00:35:51 Don't act like I did.

00:35:52 I know. I know.

00:35:54 And I know you fired me.

00:35:55 Oh, right.

00:35:56 You fired him because he tried to warn you

00:35:58 about the Swedish mobster that was actually a shitty actor

00:36:01 who was working for someone trying to murder us.

00:36:03 Okay, I don't understand what's happening.

00:36:05 I really don't.

00:36:06 And Jordan, I'm just gonna throw this out there right now.

00:36:08 I feel like you're still mad at me.

00:36:09 I will never not be mad at you for the rest of my life.

00:36:12 I am so sorry to interrupt, but where am I going?

00:36:14 Because I've just been driving.

00:36:16 Hey, hey, we're going to my house.

00:36:17 You got it.

00:36:18 Okay, go to my house.

00:36:19 No, I'm not going to your house.

00:36:20 I'm going to my house.

00:36:21 No, no, you're not going to your house

00:36:22 because I need to know that you're safe.

00:36:24 Oh, right, yeah, just like Andre wanted to make sure you were safe.

00:36:28 You know what?

00:36:29 I know what you're doing.

00:36:31 I know exactly what you're doing.

00:36:32 You're trying to do one of those things

00:36:33 where you make me evaluate who I am as a person, right?

00:36:37 That's what you're trying to do, but guess what?

00:36:39 I'm not going to do that because who I am as a person

00:36:41 is who I'm okay with, and I'm settled in.

00:36:43 It's not working.

00:36:47 I'm going to try one more time.

00:36:48 Are you sure you punched it in the right hole?

00:36:49 Of course, man, it's your birthday, like I'd ever forget that.

00:36:52 It's tattooed on my inner thigh.

00:36:53 I rub it every morning.

00:36:55 See, I'm doing this all the time.

00:36:57 I'm a single...

00:36:58 It's not working.

00:36:59 Wait, wait, wait.

00:37:00 Maybe the person who's behind all of this changed the gate code.

00:37:03 Wait, and they think I'm dead.

00:37:05 So maybe this is to our advantage, right?

00:37:08 Maybe.

00:37:09 Yeah, no, there's...

00:37:10 Oh, shit.

00:37:11 Security.

00:37:12 Security, get back.

00:37:13 Maybe we just exit now?

00:37:14 Should I go now?

00:37:15 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

00:37:16 I'm going to leave, Kevin, okay?

00:37:17 You have to leave.

00:37:18 Stop, stop, stop.

00:37:19 You sure?

00:37:20 Stay here, stay here.

00:37:21 He doesn't like me.

00:37:22 Sir.

00:37:23 Hey, what's going on?

00:37:24 How are you, my man?

00:37:25 Nice to meet you.

00:37:26 What?

00:37:27 I was not aware, no.

00:37:28 Please reverse out and have a nice day.

00:37:30 You got it, my man.

00:37:31 No, do not reverse.

00:37:32 You can't reverse.

00:37:33 You know what?

00:37:34 I can't...

00:37:35 My boss actually lives inside there, so if I can just jump in there real quick, it'd

00:37:39 be great.

00:37:40 Reverse out now, and no one has to get pumped full of electricity.

00:37:43 Of course.

00:37:44 I'm positive nobody needs that.

00:37:45 Do not reverse.

00:37:46 Do not reverse.

00:37:47 You better not reverse.

00:37:48 I'm not going to reverse.

00:37:50 Do not fuck with me.

00:37:52 He's bluffing.

00:37:54 You're bluffing.

00:37:55 I assure you, I'm not bluffing.

00:37:58 He's fucking bluffing.

00:38:00 Fuck with him.

00:38:01 Fuck you.

00:38:02 You're fucking...

00:38:03 Oh, yeah.

00:38:04 [Mumbling]

00:38:07 Compliments to Mr. H.

00:38:09 Well, I didn't tell him to do that.

00:38:12 Is he okay?

00:38:13 Andre.

00:38:14 Andre.

00:38:15 Hey, Andre, maybe one of us should just drive.

00:38:23 No, you don't have to worry about it.

00:38:25 I got it.

00:38:26 I got you, my man.

00:38:27 Damn it.

00:38:28 I got a crook in my neck that's a bitch.

00:38:30 I swear I got to get to Nina so she can fix this.

00:38:33 Who's Nina?

00:38:34 Kevin's full-time masseuse.

00:38:35 Oh, she's my full-time masseuse.

00:38:37 Of course.

00:38:38 Oh, okay.

00:38:39 Well, I'm glad that my life getting destroyed amuses you.

00:38:41 What, didn't you basically ask for all of this?

00:38:43 No, I didn't basically ask for all of this.

00:38:44 I did not do that.

00:38:45 I asked for a movie.

00:38:46 There's a big difference.

00:38:47 A movie has cameras, has sound, lights.

00:38:49 That's what that has in it.

00:38:51 This is not the same.

00:38:52 It's not the same.

00:38:53 We need to go to the police.

00:38:54 No, no, we do not need to go to police.

00:38:56 Whoever this guy is, he thinks that we're dead, right?

00:38:59 So we use that to our advantage, okay?

00:39:02 We make them think that we're not here.

00:39:04 We disappear.

00:39:05 We just got to figure out where to go.

00:39:06 Man, this is where Natasha would come in handy

00:39:08 because she would know exactly where we should go.

00:39:10 And who the hell is Natasha?

00:39:11 She handles all my Airbnb stuff.

00:39:13 This is getting ridiculous.

00:39:15 Oh, my God, I know exactly where we can go

00:39:17 where no one would ever search for us.

00:39:19 Who's in?

00:39:21 Who's in?

00:39:22 Okay, make yourself at home.

00:39:25 Do you guys want anything to drink?

00:39:27 Kombucha, coffee, tea?

00:39:28 Yes, yes, kombucha would be great.

00:39:30 I don't have it. You called my bluff.

00:39:32 I don't have kombucha, I'm sorry.

00:39:33 No, water would be brilliant.

00:39:34 Water is going to be great.

00:39:35 Great, fantastic.

00:39:36 And you, you want some water?

00:39:37 I'm not putting my mouth on a cup in this house.

00:39:39 Nice, nice.

00:39:40 Jesus Christ.

00:39:41 You actually live here?

00:39:43 Yeah, my little slice of heaven.

00:39:46 Ugh.

00:39:47 What was that?

00:39:48 I said ugh.

00:39:49 I love it.

00:39:50 It's actually really charming.

00:39:52 Thank you.

00:39:53 You know, my mom and I are kind of always

00:39:54 messing with the motif in here.

00:39:55 Went through a huge Southwestern phase.

00:39:58 So much turquoise.

00:40:00 So your mom helped you decorate?

00:40:02 Oh, yeah, big time.

00:40:04 She's my roommate.

00:40:05 She's right there.

00:40:07 You gotta be shitting me.

00:40:08 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:40:09 Don't be afraid, don't be afraid.

00:40:10 Watch this.

00:40:11 Do you want to meet her?

00:40:12 No, I don't have to.

00:40:13 Here we go.

00:40:14 Mom.

00:40:15 You're okay?

00:40:16 Your mouth was open real wide.

00:40:17 Oh, my God.

00:40:18 Oh, my God.

00:40:19 Don't charge me.

00:40:20 Oh, my God.

00:40:21 Fix your brow.

00:40:22 It's Kevin Hart, America's treasure.

00:40:27 It's a family--

00:40:28 No, you don't have to.

00:40:29 No.

00:40:30 I'm Jordan King.

00:40:32 Or should I call you Wheezy?

00:40:34 No, that's just a role I'm not paid nearly enough to play.

00:40:38 Jordan, this way.

00:40:39 Oh, come here.

00:40:40 I gotta squeeze you.

00:40:41 Come here.

00:40:42 Oh!

00:40:43 You two gotta eat.

00:40:44 We're gonna have a feast.

00:40:46 Andre, go to the freezer.

00:40:47 We're gonna defrost this.

00:40:48 We're gonna defrost the Christmas pork chops.

00:40:50 We're doing the Christmas pork chops?

00:40:51 No.

00:40:52 We've been waiting for this for, like, six years.

00:40:53 We don't have that much time.

00:40:54 You don't have to do that.

00:40:55 We don't want to steal your love.

00:40:56 You gotta save that meat, okay?

00:40:58 You're eating my meat.

00:40:59 Tell him, Mom.

00:41:00 Tell him.

00:41:01 No, no, no.

00:41:02 You're gonna want my meat.

00:41:03 No, we don't want your meat.

00:41:04 People talk about it all the time.

00:41:05 Well, we don't--

00:41:06 Did you hurt yourself?

00:41:07 Uh, this is not--

00:41:08 Did you know there was--

00:41:09 Ah, shit!

00:41:10 Woman!

00:41:11 Did you know there was blood there?

00:41:12 Yeah, I--

00:41:13 And up here?

00:41:14 Ow!

00:41:15 Ow!

00:41:16 Stop!

00:41:17 I can't walk around with bloody clothes on.

00:41:19 You're too sophisticated.

00:41:20 Take your shirt off.

00:41:21 Come on.

00:41:22 I'm gonna wash it.

00:41:23 I'm already doing a bloody load.

00:41:24 Come on.

00:41:25 Take it off.

00:41:26 Come on.

00:41:27 Take it off, Kevin.

00:41:28 What are we doing?

00:41:29 Yeah.

00:41:30 Oh, somebody's got a cute tummy.

00:41:31 Come on.

00:41:32 Come on.

00:41:33 That's a lot.

00:41:34 Mom, look at--

00:41:35 Remember I was telling you about his belly button?

00:41:36 It's right there, Mom.

00:41:37 You got it.

00:41:38 Take my chance.

00:41:39 Let me--

00:41:40 Just please, let me get it.

00:41:41 Stop it.

00:41:42 Please.

00:41:43 Oh, my God.

00:41:44 Thank you.

00:41:45 You gotta--

00:41:46 Oh, my eyes.

00:41:47 That is--

00:41:48 That is--

00:41:49 That's a man right there.

00:41:50 Yeah, we were filming--

00:41:51 That is good.

00:41:52 We're doing an improv action--

00:41:53 I can't believe she's in there.

00:41:54 I love you so much.

00:41:55 --movie where basically all the action--

00:41:56 I love you so much.

00:41:57 I love you so much, my son.

00:41:58 Such nice people.

00:41:59 Nice people?

00:42:00 You're so mean.

00:42:01 How can you be mean to this guy?

00:42:02 Look at him.

00:42:03 He might be the nicest, sweetest person I've ever encountered.

00:42:09 How could you fire him?

00:42:10 Are you gonna start at the beginning?

00:42:11 I don't know.

00:42:12 Maybe because he doesn't respect boundaries.

00:42:13 He cares about you.

00:42:14 Oh, will you just stop it?

00:42:16 Man clipped my goddamn toenails one time.

00:42:19 While I was in bed.

00:42:21 With a woman.

00:42:23 Exactly.

00:42:24 Struggling, by the way, to perform.

00:42:27 Had a lot on my mind.

00:42:28 A lot on my mind.

00:42:30 Brown gummy worm was in full effect.

00:42:32 I don't--

00:42:33 Loose noose.

00:42:34 Call it what you want.

00:42:35 I look down, I see his face looking up at me.

00:42:37 Now I got no shot.

00:42:38 Okay, thank you for the context.

00:42:40 Just give me a--

00:42:41 Give me a play by play.

00:42:44 But, listen, when I go to set,

00:42:46 it's me acting, right?

00:42:48 But to get there, I've got reps,

00:42:50 my dialect coach, my assistant,

00:42:53 and then there's personal trainer,

00:42:55 hair stylist, makeup artist.

00:42:57 The list goes on.

00:42:58 And then there's family and friends

00:43:00 who have supported me and sacrificed for me.

00:43:03 I'm sorry, I got lost in what you were saying

00:43:05 'cause I felt it was bullshit.

00:43:07 You have that, too, Kevin,

00:43:08 and then some.

00:43:09 Okay? It's why you're a star.

00:43:11 No, that's not true.

00:43:12 I'm a star because I made myself a star with this.

00:43:16 Sure, yeah, that's the story you keep telling yourself,

00:43:20 but you had help.

00:43:22 Okay.

00:43:23 Hey, how are you guys doing?

00:43:25 The pork chops are smelling so much like shrimp right now.

00:43:28 It's amazing.

00:43:29 I got you a shirt, my man.

00:43:30 I think it'll fit perfectly.

00:43:32 Okay? Do you see it?

00:43:34 Nice.

00:43:35 Yeah, I made that myself.

00:43:36 Okay. Thank you for that.

00:43:40 Uh, I wanted to ask you earlier,

00:43:42 but I didn't get a chance to.

00:43:44 Who's that?

00:43:45 This one?

00:43:46 Yeah.

00:43:47 That's my dad.

00:43:48 He's been gone a long time.

00:43:50 Really?

00:43:51 Yeah.

00:43:52 Same.

00:43:53 And you know my mom raised me.

00:43:55 I know.

00:43:56 Did your dad, uh,

00:43:58 get a little afraid of parenthood and run off?

00:44:00 It wasn't anything like that, actually.

00:44:02 He was amazing.

00:44:03 He was kind.

00:44:04 Uh, he was gent--

00:44:06 By the way, Richard Pryor's assistant.

00:44:08 Your dad is Ri--

00:44:10 I guess you could say assisting just runs in the family, right?

00:44:13 No.

00:44:14 That's legendary, man.

00:44:15 It is, right?

00:44:16 That's huge.

00:44:17 It's huge.

00:44:18 Until it killed him.

00:44:19 What do you mean?

00:44:21 It's a big show,

00:44:22 and a crazy fan got through security.

00:44:25 So my dad jumped in the way of a knife

00:44:28 that was meant for Richard Pryor.

00:44:30 You didn't plan.

00:44:31 No.

00:44:32 Cut him from the stomach,

00:44:34 What?

00:44:35 right up, back down.

00:44:36 What?

00:44:37 Killed my dad in the spot.

00:44:38 Oh, my God, man.

00:44:40 I can't.

00:44:41 I can't process that.

00:44:42 Neither could I.

00:44:43 It was enormous for our whole family.

00:44:44 Why would somebody want to kill Richard Pryor?

00:44:47 Huh?

00:44:49 Who?

00:44:50 Yeah, why?

00:44:52 That's crazy, right?

00:44:54 Yeah.

00:44:55 I bet my--

00:44:56 I bet, by the way,

00:44:57 I bet my dad, when he was dying,

00:44:58 was looking up and was like,

00:44:59 "Why would you do this?"

00:45:00 or something like that.

00:45:01 It has to be, right?

00:45:02 Maybe, maybe, maybe not.

00:45:03 I mean, at that point,

00:45:04 that's not what's important.

00:45:05 Somebody tried to kill Richard.

00:45:06 Right, my dad was already dead.

00:45:07 Yeah.

00:45:08 So the thing we gotta worry about is,

00:45:09 who is this guy?

00:45:10 Are there more of them?

00:45:11 Yeah.

00:45:12 Okay, you can't rewrite that.

00:45:13 No, no, we can't.

00:45:14 I tried to.

00:45:15 God, I've been to so much therapy

00:45:16 trying to rewrite that moment.

00:45:17 What could I have done, you know,

00:45:18 if I was a child,

00:45:19 but maybe I could have jumped in the way

00:45:20 or something like that.

00:45:21 Yeah.

00:45:22 Yeah.

00:45:23 On the bright side, though,

00:45:24 if you think about it,

00:45:25 he died doing what he loved the most.

00:45:27 Mm.

00:45:28 Assisting.

00:45:29 He was so happy that he brought joy

00:45:31 to someone who brought joy to so many people.

00:45:35 He told me every single thing I knew.

00:45:37 Mm.

00:45:38 You know, man, maybe, uh,

00:45:42 maybe I didn't mean to fire you.

00:45:45 I think your exact words were,

00:45:47 "I didn't need a stuntman.

00:45:49 I sure as hell don't need an assistant."

00:45:51 You said it to me, you yelled it,

00:45:52 and then you tell me to get out of your car.

00:45:55 Right?

00:45:56 Oh, no, you're absolutely--

00:45:57 you're--you're right,

00:45:58 but I'm just saying now,

00:45:59 looking back, I'm saying maybe--

00:46:01 maybe I do--

00:46:03 maybe I still do need an assistant.

00:46:06 I mean, if you--

00:46:07 Oh, God.

00:46:08 All right?

00:46:10 I need you, too.

00:46:11 No.

00:46:12 I need you, too.

00:46:13 Not the same.

00:46:14 Oh, fuck.

00:46:16 Yeah.

00:46:17 I have never been this hard.

00:46:19 All right, I'm gonna tell my mom.

00:46:20 Mom, you'll never believe it!

00:46:22 Congratulations.

00:46:27 Something else, huh?

00:46:30 [both sigh]

00:46:33 Where are you?

00:46:35 Shut up.

00:46:37 You know, if you start treating everyone

00:46:40 in the Kevin Hart universe with that level of respect,

00:46:42 I think you'll be happy with your life.

00:46:44 You really are something else.

00:46:46 I mean, you pay me out to be such a monster.

00:46:48 Name one other person that I have disrespected.

00:46:51 Just one.

00:46:52 Give me one.

00:46:55 I can absolutely name someone.

00:46:58 Hey, Jordan.

00:47:02 Yeah, hi.

00:47:03 I just looked at the call sheet.

00:47:04 I didn't see your stunt double on there.

00:47:06 Oh, I sent her home.

00:47:07 Why?

00:47:08 Well, I grew up on motorcycles,

00:47:09 and it's a simple one today.

00:47:10 I just have to drive through the glass

00:47:12 of our dry cleaning business before it explodes.

00:47:14 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:47:15 Simple for who?

00:47:16 Who--who's it simple for?

00:47:18 You?

00:47:19 Well, that's what you have dug for.

00:47:20 Do you know what this will look like

00:47:21 if you go do all your own stunts and I don't do mine?

00:47:24 Do you know what people will think of me?

00:47:26 Uh, they'll think you're an actor.

00:47:28 And listen, I'm not jumping off the cliff.

00:47:30 I'm not jumping out a plane,

00:47:31 and I ain't fighting no alligator, friend.

00:47:32 You don't think I can do my own stunts?

00:47:34 What? No!

00:47:35 You don't think I'm tough enough?

00:47:36 That's what Doug is for.

00:47:37 For exactly this thing.

00:47:38 You think I need Doug?

00:47:40 Absolutely.

00:47:42 Maybe I don't.

00:47:43 Maybe I don't need Doug.

00:47:45 I think I just heard you.

00:47:49 Hey, Doug.

00:47:54 I'm gonna go talk to Doug.

00:47:56 Kevin.

00:47:58 Hey!

00:47:59 There he is.

00:48:00 My guy!

00:48:02 Ooh. Ooh.

00:48:04 [laughs]

00:48:06 You ain't gonna believe this shit.

00:48:07 I'm talking to Jordan.

00:48:08 I just found out Jordan sent her stunt double home.

00:48:11 You know what she's trying to do.

00:48:12 You know exactly what she's trying to do.

00:48:13 She's trying to show me up,

00:48:14 and I'm not gonna have that.

00:48:16 I can't have that.

00:48:17 I'm Kevin Hart, right?

00:48:19 [laughs]

00:48:21 So here's the thing, right?

00:48:23 Let's get into this relationship.

00:48:25 It's one of the best that I've ever had.

00:48:26 How long you been with me, man?

00:48:28 Damn, that long, huh?

00:48:29 It's been a long time.

00:48:31 I know you gonna be fine.

00:48:32 And it's time for you to fly, right?

00:48:34 So with that being said,

00:48:36 uh, we're done.

00:48:38 I'm gonna go ahead and--

00:48:39 Is it--is "fired" the word?

00:48:41 I guess--I guess it is "fired."

00:48:43 So I'm gonna fire you,

00:48:44 but in a dope way

00:48:46 to where we still cool.

00:48:48 I'm gonna go on and get ready.

00:48:51 My guy.

00:48:53 It's stunt time.

00:48:54 Kevin, this is a terrible--

00:48:55 It's stunt time!

00:48:57 Listen, I'm not trying to show you up.

00:48:59 Hey!

00:49:00 Enough, Jordan!

00:49:01 It's all good, Mr. Action Star.

00:49:05 Now you listen to me, all right?

00:49:11 I've been in this business for goddamn--

00:49:13 goddamn how long?

00:49:15 How long?

00:49:16 You telling me my goddamn reputation

00:49:19 doesn't speak for myself?

00:49:21 It's fucking good!

00:49:24 When--when--when does Cat 4 shoot?

00:49:26 Does Mackie have a guy?

00:49:28 He does.

00:49:29 You get it.

00:49:30 Everybody's got a fucking guy, huh?

00:49:32 What about Adam Driver?

00:49:33 Now you said he's available, huh?

00:49:35 I can--I can--listen.

00:49:36 I can do work for him.

00:49:37 I can--I can be Adam's driver, right?

00:49:40 I can--yeah, no.

00:49:41 Listen, I'm serious about that.

00:49:43 I don't give a fuck.

00:49:44 I'll drive.

00:49:45 I'll--I'll be Adam's driver--

00:49:47 driver, driver if I have to.

00:49:49 Goddamn it, Scott!

00:49:51 Fuck you!

00:49:52 I've been in the goddamn business for years.

00:49:55 [sobbing]

00:49:58 Yeah.

00:50:01 [tense music]

00:50:04 ♪ ♪

00:50:11 ♪ ♪

00:50:18 You know what?

00:50:32 This is my me time.

00:50:33 I really enjoy working.

00:50:34 I find a lot of, uh, peace, happiness,

00:50:37 and, uh, solace in creating.

00:50:40 And now my creating is about

00:50:42 putting other people in positions to win,

00:50:44 um, amplifying other careers and opportunities,

00:50:47 not just me, so hopefully it continues to grow.

00:50:50 I can't believe my stuntman would do this to me.

00:50:53 Ex-stuntman.

00:50:54 No, I gotta do something about this--

00:50:57 Oh.

00:50:58 Oh, whoa, whoa, come in.

00:50:59 Uh-oh.

00:51:00 Oh, no, let Mom look at this.

00:51:01 Hold on.

00:51:02 Oh, oh, we gotta change this dressing.

00:51:04 Take him to the bedroom, prop him up.

00:51:06 Here we go.

00:51:07 Get some wet towels.

00:51:08 Shouldn't he go to a hospital?

00:51:10 No, I'll get him back on track.

00:51:12 It's what I do.

00:51:13 Wait, you're a doctor?

00:51:15 I'm better than a doctor.

00:51:17 I'm a mom.

00:51:19 Left, right, left, right.

00:51:21 Oh.

00:51:23 He's gonna be fine.

00:51:24 My mom is a miracle worker.

00:51:26 How about you? Are you okay?

00:51:28 Uh, well, not really.

00:51:30 This is my problem, too.

00:51:31 Doug probably blames me for losing his job.

00:51:34 That's why he's put me in this deadly little game of his,

00:51:37 for payback.

00:51:38 Yeah.

00:51:39 Okay, that's fine.

00:51:40 When Kevin gets back to full health,

00:51:41 he will think of an incredible plan for all of us.

00:51:43 No, no, fuck that.

00:51:44 We can't just sit here.

00:51:45 We need to do something.

00:51:46 We need to get to the bottom of this.

00:51:48 Who is the person Kevin trusts the most?

00:51:50 His agent.

00:51:51 Really?

00:51:52 Yeah.

00:51:53 Let's pay them a visit.

00:51:55 Right now? We can't go right now.

00:51:57 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jordan, we can't go right now.

00:51:59 But what about this?

00:52:00 What about this? You're famous, Jordan.

00:52:01 You get in there, they're gonna recognize you.

00:52:03 That's a problem.

00:52:04 Second is, Doug actually thinks that you're dead, right?

00:52:07 You blew up.

00:52:08 Shit, you're right.

00:52:11 Oh, my God, I just thought of something amazing.

00:52:13 Thank me, thank me now.

00:52:15 Let me hear it first.

00:52:16 Smart, that's a smart move, okay?

00:52:18 In the back, there's a disguise.

00:52:19 I always keep a spare disguise for Kevin in the back.

00:52:21 Grab that bag real quick.

00:52:22 You have spare disguises?

00:52:24 Yes.

00:52:25 I mean, sometimes Kevin likes to live anonymously, right?

00:52:28 Whether he wants to go grocery shopping,

00:52:30 feed the ducks, heckle a stranger.

00:52:33 I love them.

00:52:35 [scoffs]

00:52:37 Yeah, I'm not wearing this.

00:52:39 Come on, did you see all of them real quick?

00:52:41 Like, this one right here, okay?

00:52:43 This one right here.

00:52:44 Andre, the bridge!

00:52:45 I'm doing it!

00:52:46 It's a hard left with my knees, baby!

00:52:47 Look at this!

00:52:48 [music playing]

00:52:51 This is so embarrassing.

00:52:57 Just, we're lucky that you and Kevin are the same size,

00:53:00 you know what I mean?

00:53:01 This is your greatest acting role to date.

00:53:03 You got this.

00:53:04 You got this.

00:53:05 Look.

00:53:06 [music playing]

00:53:08 That's fantastic.

00:53:09 Okay, and--

00:53:11 Uh, we're here to see, uh, Scott Heyman.

00:53:15 Okay.

00:53:16 And you are?

00:53:21 Ronald Mondolvia III.

00:53:24 A pleasure to meet you.

00:53:26 And this is the wickedly talented--

00:53:29 Bill.

00:53:30 My name is Bill.

00:53:33 Bill Mondolvia!

00:53:35 We're both Mondolvias!

00:53:36 This is my uncle, on my mama's side.

00:53:40 Shit fuck, can this man cook a goose?

00:53:43 What was all that before?

00:53:48 Mondolvia, that's nobody's surname.

00:53:50 What did you expect, okay?

00:53:51 I couldn't concentrate.

00:53:52 Your accent was fucking insane.

00:53:54 My accent?

00:53:55 Yes!

00:53:56 [mimics a deep voice]

00:53:57 It wasn't great, but I mean--

00:53:59 My accent, I nailed my accent.

00:54:01 It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter,

00:54:02 because there's no way they're letting us go back

00:54:03 to see Kevin's agent, okay?

00:54:05 They've probably already called security.

00:54:06 So if security comes, we just pretend to be

00:54:09 Ronald and Bill Mondolvia,

00:54:10 the very famous Instagram influencers

00:54:12 who make unboxing videos.

00:54:14 What is this?

00:54:15 We unbox it, and it's a smaller box, okay?

00:54:17 No, no, no, no, no.

00:54:18 She's going to the loo.

00:54:19 I don't think that Bill called the loo.

00:54:21 I feel like he's more old school.

00:54:23 I feel like she's about to take a shit.

00:54:26 Take it cool, okay?

00:54:28 Cool.

00:54:29 Like and subscribe, please!

00:54:32 Stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:54:35 Right there, right there.

00:54:36 Right there, that's Kevin's agent.

00:54:38 Who's he talking to?

00:54:40 It's not Kevin.

00:54:46 [mimics a deep voice]

00:54:49 Shh.

00:54:51 Try not to move.

00:54:53 Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength.

00:54:56 [mimics a deep voice]

00:54:57 As long as it takes, you'll be here.

00:55:01 In my house, listening to my stories,

00:55:06 eating my Christmas pork chops.

00:55:09 [mimics a deep voice]

00:55:11 Shh.

00:55:13 [mimics a deep voice]

00:55:15 When my husband was wounded years ago,

00:55:18 I couldn't save him.

00:55:19 But now I've got a second chance with you, Kevin Hart.

00:55:25 America's treasure.

00:55:28 Cynthia's treasure.

00:55:31 Hello?

00:55:35 Mom, Mom, put Kevin on.

00:55:37 I can't, he's sleeping.

00:55:38 It's an emergency.

00:55:39 Put him on right now, Mom.

00:55:40 Come on, wake him up.

00:55:42 Hello?

00:55:43 Are you here to rescue me?

00:55:45 I think I've been poisoned.

00:55:46 Kevin, listen up very closely, okay?

00:55:48 We've just been on a deep cover reconnaissance mission,

00:55:51 and we've not been--

00:55:52 Doug is you, you've been replaced by Doug.

00:55:54 Wait, what?

00:55:55 Replaced? I don't understand.

00:55:56 That's because my mommy just gave you

00:55:58 a very low-dose narcotic.

00:55:59 Don't worry about it, but when you come to,

00:56:01 you have to understand that Doug is trying

00:56:03 to convince people that he is you.

00:56:05 He's fixed his teeth, he's changed his hair.

00:56:07 I mean, his mannerism.

00:56:08 Oh, my God, he's, he's you.

00:56:11 He can't fool my staff.

00:56:13 They'll know it's not me.

00:56:15 They're my village.

00:56:17 Kevin! Kevin!

00:56:19 You get a raise. You get a raise.

00:56:21 You get a raise. You get a raise.

00:56:23 You get a raise. That's right.

00:56:25 Everybody gets a raise. Huh?

00:56:27 You know why? 'Cause I'm Kevin.

00:56:29 I'm Kevin!

00:56:31 Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very tired.

00:56:33 He needs his rest. Bye.

00:56:35 Mom, no, Mom, Mom, do--

00:56:36 [moans]

00:56:37 Shh.

00:56:39 If Kevin wants to get through to Doug,

00:56:44 there's only one man he can talk to.

00:56:46 Mr. 206.

00:56:48 I don't--who's Mr. 206?

00:56:50 He's a pretty famous stuntman,

00:56:52 and he's Doug's mentor.

00:56:53 Okay. Okay, fine, then this is easy.

00:56:55 We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206.

00:56:58 We? Nope, no way.

00:57:00 I will not be going to see 206.

00:57:02 He is a complete psychopath.

00:57:04 He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal

00:57:06 and then tried to make me apologize.

00:57:07 Jordan, Jordan, Kevin needs you right now.

00:57:09 He needs me? He does, right now.

00:57:11 Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need anyone

00:57:13 until he needs everyone.

00:57:15 Okay, fine.

00:57:17 Then I'll take him to see Mr. 206.

00:57:19 Why? This is Kevin's problem.

00:57:20 He should just let go on his own.

00:57:22 No.

00:57:23 As long as I'm Kevin's assistant,

00:57:26 he'll never drive himself anywhere.

00:57:28 It's in neutral.

00:57:32 I am so sorry, we're slowing down.

00:57:34 I was trying to go faster. We did the opposite.

00:57:37 [siren wailing]

00:57:39 I am so happy my mom was able to nurse you back to health.

00:57:52 What did you just say to me?

00:57:53 The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop.

00:57:56 She tried to poison me.

00:57:57 She's amazing, right?

00:57:59 Look at you now.

00:58:00 Okay, come on, come on.

00:58:01 So tell me, why did they call him 206?

00:58:03 'Cause there's 206 bones in the human body.

00:58:06 They said before he became a mentor in a stunt game

00:58:08 that he broke every single one of them.

00:58:09 Actually, no, it was 205.

00:58:10 But then on his last day of filming,

00:58:12 they said he broke the torch in the sixth one.

00:58:14 What? Which one was that?

00:58:15 Pinky toe, right foot, snapped into it.

00:58:17 Goddamn.

00:58:18 Uh...

00:58:23 Hello?

00:58:24 Uh, 206?

00:58:28 Hey, Mr. 206?

00:58:31 It's 206.

00:58:32 Sign says no soliciting. Go away.

00:58:35 Yeah, no, we didn't see a sign.

00:58:37 There's no sign.

00:58:38 Who took my fucking sign?

00:58:39 We didn't take it.

00:58:40 Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit.

00:58:42 We're not selling anything.

00:58:45 You don't even recognize my voice.

00:58:47 You know who's at the door right now?

00:58:49 This is Kevin Hart.

00:58:51 Comedian, actor.

00:58:52 I just told you...

00:58:54 to go...

00:58:57 Okay, okay, okay.

00:58:58 -Okay, okay. -The fuck away!

00:59:00 Hey!

00:59:01 Hey!

00:59:02 Shit!

00:59:03 Come on, baby, it's me!

00:59:05 It's me. It's Kevin Hart.

00:59:08 Give me one good reason

00:59:11 why I shouldn't kill the both of you right now.

00:59:13 Kevin's about to have a movie that's gonna get him an Oscar.

00:59:15 Well, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:59:17 Your protege.

00:59:18 We're here because of your protege.

00:59:19 Doug, Doug Eubanks?

00:59:20 What about him?

00:59:21 Well, he, he, we, we're here 'cause he's losing his shit.

00:59:24 Yeah. No, he's, he's absolute--

00:59:26 That's not, that's not true, 'cause you don't deserve a lie.

00:59:29 I'm not here to lie to you.

00:59:30 I'm gonna, I'm gonna be honest with you, man.

00:59:32 I screwed him over.

00:59:34 I screwed him over, and I'm here because I want to make things right,

00:59:37 and I can't do that without you, Mr. 206.

00:59:40 Well, how do you like your tea?

00:59:49 Hmm?

00:59:51 [♪♪♪]

00:59:53 Do I make you uncomfortable?

01:00:07 No, I'm just, I'm just so nervous for you, sir,

01:00:09 because you got really hot tea,

01:00:11 and it's just right above your, your balls, so...

01:00:13 What are you doing?

01:00:15 What are you--

01:00:18 Oh, God, what the fuck?

01:00:20 Oh, man, come on.

01:00:21 What the fuck? Come on, man.

01:00:22 The ancient Babylonians believed that undergarments were a sign of weakness.

01:00:26 I tend to agree.

01:00:29 I respect that.

01:00:32 I respect that.

01:00:34 I just, um...

01:00:36 [clears throat]

01:00:38 Mm.

01:00:40 I just wanna, I wanna thank you for taking the time,

01:00:44 'cause I know you didn't, um--

01:00:45 Cut the compliments. Tell me why you're here.

01:00:47 I, um...

01:00:48 I know you're Doug's mentor.

01:00:50 Right?

01:00:52 If there's anyone who knows how he operates, how he thinks, it's...

01:00:56 I need your help.

01:00:58 Watch your eye. Watch your--

01:01:05 Let's walk.

01:01:11 Doug Eubanks is more than just a former student of mine.

01:01:17 He's my friend.

01:01:18 My confidant.

01:01:20 Briefly, in 2003, he was my lover.

01:01:23 Doug's the most fearless stunt performer that I've ever trained.

01:01:27 One time, he asked me to stab him with an ice pick,

01:01:30 'cause he needed to know how it felt,

01:01:32 so he could replicate that reaction when the cameras were rolling.

01:01:34 Did you do it?

01:01:35 With pleasure.

01:01:36 As a stuntman, you embrace pain.

01:01:38 Lay your life on the line for your actor.

01:01:41 Every day, you step on set.

01:01:42 And occasionally, the actor says thanks.

01:01:45 Sometimes, they don't say thanks.

01:01:46 Sometimes, they just fire you without warning,

01:01:48 'cause all of a sudden, they think they're John fucking Rambo,

01:01:50 but they're nothing but a little bitch with a giant ego.

01:01:52 Yeah, yeah, so, hey, are you gonna talk to him for me?

01:01:55 Actors talk.

01:01:58 Stuntmen...

01:02:00 stunt.

01:02:02 You're gonna have to fight, Doug.

01:02:04 And you're gonna lose.

01:02:07 Well, shit, then why are you--

01:02:09 Why are you even talking to me, then?

01:02:11 Only reason I'm talking to you is 'cause...

01:02:13 every person is trapped in a story of their own design,

01:02:15 and I know the exact story you're trapped in.

01:02:17 Yeah. It's a revenge story.

01:02:19 That's not revenge.

01:02:20 It's redemption.

01:02:22 No, I'm pretty sure it's revenge.

01:02:24 What do you really want?

01:02:27 I want my life back. I want to defeat Doug.

01:02:30 Defeat Doug.

01:02:32 Doug's the enemy. Doug's the bad guy.

01:02:34 You're the good guy.

01:02:35 I just want to make sure I'm hearing this right.

01:02:37 Okay, maybe we're both bad guys.

01:02:39 No, Kevin.

01:02:41 No, Jeffy.

01:02:42 You're both good guys.

01:02:45 Did you hear that?

01:02:51 Yeah, I'm trying to figure it out.

01:02:53 You fucked Doug.

01:02:56 I didn't hear that. What?

01:02:58 You fucked Doug.

01:03:00 I didn't catch that. I was--

01:03:02 Right at the top. He said it. Right over there.

01:03:04 No, I saw a ladybug. I got one of those.

01:03:06 So that means he's kind of fucked you before.

01:03:07 No. No, wait a minute. No, he hasn't.

01:03:10 [FOOTSTEPS]

01:03:12 This is my dojo.

01:03:15 Well, it kind of looks like a bunch of trees if you ask me, but all right.

01:03:21 Goodness gracious.

01:03:22 Excuse me.

01:03:24 Sorry.

01:03:25 Coming through.

01:03:26 Yep, yep. Coming through.

01:03:27 Sorry.

01:03:28 You really got to share the trail, guys.

01:03:30 It's our fault.

01:03:31 Sorry.

01:03:32 We didn't even know it was a trail, to be honest.

01:03:33 I had no idea.

01:03:34 So this is where you're going to train me to face Doug, huh?

01:03:38 Let me explain something to you.

01:03:39 Stuntman's Creed.

01:03:41 Midai actor.

01:03:42 Every role you ever trained for, Doug trained harder.

01:03:45 Every martial art you supposedly learned, Doug learned it for real.

01:03:49 He had to.

01:03:50 Because when the cameras were rolling, it was his ass on the line, not yours.

01:03:53 Sitting in Video Village, sipping lattes, eating sushi off of nude models.

01:03:57 Hey, first of all, I got a bad case of pink eye.

01:04:00 I learned my lesson.

01:04:01 It hasn't happened since.

01:04:02 You never appreciated Doug.

01:04:04 Actors never do.

01:04:07 Yeah, well, I recently learned there's a lot of people that I may have underappreciated.

01:04:11 Good, Kevin.

01:04:13 That's growth.

01:04:15 See that branch up there?

01:04:17 Yeah.

01:04:19 Climb that tree, crawl off to that branch, and give me a dead drop to the ground.

01:04:22 Uh...

01:04:26 How am I supposed to...

01:04:27 You want to know how Doug thinks.

01:04:29 You want to know how he operates?

01:04:30 You must see the world as he sees it.

01:04:32 Without fear.

01:04:34 Without hesitation.

01:04:36 Without hesitation.

01:04:37 I'm a little scared, though.

01:04:41 I'm just gonna throw that out there.

01:04:42 It's not like I'm...

01:04:44 I volunteer as tribute.

01:04:45 Damn right you do.

01:04:46 This is Kevin's journey. That's his dead drop branch.

01:04:50 No, that's what you don't understand.

01:04:51 You know why?

01:04:52 Because what's Kevin's is mine.

01:04:53 Well...

01:04:54 Well, right. I mean, not your material wealth.

01:04:55 No.

01:04:56 Or your income.

01:04:57 No.

01:04:58 Or your success.

01:04:59 No.

01:05:00 Or your rare collection of cars, which are amazing.

01:05:01 No.

01:05:02 Right? None of that. But his pain?

01:05:03 His anguish.

01:05:04 I mean, anything that's bad, anything that's bad,

01:05:05 that's mine, too. That is my journey.

01:05:07 Wait.

01:05:12 Oh, my God.

01:05:18 What's happening, guys?

01:05:22 Guys, this don't look good for the back.

01:05:24 What's going on?

01:05:25 [Groaning]

01:05:28 [Screaming]

01:05:31 [Groaning]

01:05:34 Kevin, you can't compete with that.

01:05:39 But you clearly have the one thing he will never have.

01:05:43 You have a sidekick.

01:05:46 Andre?

01:05:48 No, Andre's my...

01:05:49 Andre's like my...

01:05:50 What was your...

01:05:51 [Mumbling]

01:05:52 No, no, no.

01:05:53 No, no.

01:05:54 Hey, hey, hey, no, no.

01:05:55 Andre's your what?

01:05:57 I want you to say it.

01:05:58 He's right there.

01:05:59 No, no, he's right there.

01:06:00 Andre's your what?

01:06:01 You don't have to do this, man.

01:06:02 He's right there. Say it. He's your what?

01:06:03 He's... Whoa, he's...

01:06:04 My sis... My sis...

01:06:05 Hey, hey, hey.

01:06:06 He's...

01:06:07 He's...

01:06:08 Say it.

01:06:09 Andre's my... He's my sidekick.

01:06:10 Say it.

01:06:11 He's... Andre's my sidekick.

01:06:12 Say it.

01:06:13 He's my sidekick.

01:06:14 Yeah, I need you to say it.

01:06:15 Okay, Andre... Andre is my sidekick.

01:06:16 Goddamn it, Kevin, I need you to fucking say it!

01:06:19 And I need you to believe it deep down in your fucking bones!

01:06:22 Andre is my sidekick!

01:06:25 I said Andre is my sidekick!

01:06:28 Who's your sidekick?

01:06:29 I said Andre is my sidekick!

01:06:31 I'm your sidekick!

01:06:32 Andre!

01:06:33 I'm your sidekick!

01:06:34 Is my side...

01:06:35 I'm your sidekick!

01:06:38 What's happening to me, man?

01:06:40 That's growth, Kevin.

01:06:42 Growth hurts.

01:06:44 That's a pain that no double can take for you.

01:06:47 You see, Kevin, you came here seeking a mentor.

01:06:51 But it's you.

01:06:55 You are the mentor.

01:06:58 Hell yeah.

01:07:00 Hell yeah.

01:07:01 You know what? You know what?

01:07:04 Why don't you, uh...

01:07:05 take this moment, talk.

01:07:07 Talk over your new bond.

01:07:10 I'm gonna go...

01:07:12 get my tea.

01:07:14 What a fucking day.

01:07:19 I mean, now that I'm essentially...

01:07:22 I've been deputized as your sidekick,

01:07:24 I have an idea for Doug.

01:07:25 We can work together on this.

01:07:26 We gotta get close to him.

01:07:27 Okay? We don't have to record him or anything.

01:07:29 Like...

01:07:30 What's wrong? What's wrong?

01:07:31 That scar on his hand.

01:07:34 Yeah?

01:07:35 I think I recognize that scar.

01:07:39 [♪♪♪]

01:07:41 [BELL DINGS]

01:07:43 [♪♪♪]

01:07:46 [♪♪♪]

01:07:54 [♪♪♪]

01:08:06 [♪♪♪]

01:08:08 We don't have any scheduled deliveries.

01:08:16 Please turn around.

01:08:17 Hey, pal, I got a hot date with my old lady in 30 minutes.

01:08:21 Meatball sub night.

01:08:22 And all I know is I got a package from Deborah Simon at the studio.

01:08:27 Now, I could either leave it here or I could take it over.

01:08:30 You gotta tell me what you want me to do.

01:08:34 Go ahead.

01:08:35 That's what I thought. I'll see you in a bit.

01:08:37 Hop up.

01:08:38 Okay.

01:08:41 Hey!

01:08:43 Ronald Mondovia, Mondovia Plumbing.

01:08:45 Licensed and bonded.

01:08:47 You know, some guys are licensed, not bonded.

01:08:49 Other guys, they're bonded, not licensed.

01:08:51 It's me, I'm both licensed and bonded.

01:08:53 Deborah Simon's a plumber?

01:08:54 Not a plumber, my man!

01:08:56 The plumber. I can plumb anything with pipes.

01:08:58 Fuck it. Sometimes I don't even need pipes.

01:09:00 One time I plumbed a vanilla envelope.

01:09:02 Water was spouting fucking everywhere. It was insane.

01:09:04 So what's in the van?

01:09:05 Oh, my God.

01:09:06 Hold on to your fucking beautiful, beautiful balls,

01:09:09 because this, my man, it's a commode.

01:09:13 Imported Italian marble, beautiful one-piece construction,

01:09:16 12-speed bidet.

01:09:18 We got a little air fryer on the right.

01:09:19 You want to cook, eat, circle of life,

01:09:21 shitting, eating at the same time.

01:09:22 There's only a couple of these in the entire world.

01:09:24 This, my friend, probably one of the best presents in the universe.

01:09:27 So can you, uh, you know, uh...

01:09:30 Eh?

01:09:33 You, uh...

01:09:36 You gonna help me fucking bring a nit or no?

01:09:40 All right, fuck it. Whatever.

01:09:41 Yeah, okay. I'll supervise.

01:09:44 Bring it up. Use your back.

01:09:46 Whoa, big boy, big boy coming through.

01:09:48 Big boy coming through. Big boy.

01:09:49 Okay. Andre has the guard's attention.

01:09:52 You sure you're ready for this?

01:09:54 In our family, if an A-list actor is in trouble,

01:09:57 we don't stand quietly by.

01:09:59 We fight, and if we must, we die.

01:10:02 Wow, well, the world could use more people like...

01:10:07 Wait, what is your last name?

01:10:09 Oh, Mandovia.

01:10:11 Where the hell does this thing go?

01:10:17 Oh, that is the million-dollar question, huh?

01:10:20 Think about this.

01:10:21 Well, you could powder room it,

01:10:23 show it off like a prized pony,

01:10:25 or you put it in the main bath,

01:10:28 keep all that for yourself, hmm?

01:10:30 Now, there's a third option, right?

01:10:32 Listen up closely, 'cause this one's fucking insane.

01:10:35 You can put the commode right here,

01:10:37 smack dab in the middle of the living room,

01:10:39 and you take a big, greasy shit right here,

01:10:42 look everybody right in the eyes,

01:10:44 make them wonder what your deal is.

01:10:46 And I know what you're thinking.

01:10:47 "Holy shit, that's aggressive," right?

01:10:49 But they'll respect the shit out of you.

01:10:51 Wait a minute. Don't I know you?

01:10:52 Don't you know...

01:10:54 Don't you know...

01:10:55 (scatting)

01:10:57 Oh, you know what it is?

01:10:58 Isn't this the place you took a shit so big up there

01:11:00 that people thought there was a dog loose in the pipes?

01:11:02 How the hell am I gonna take a shit?

01:11:04 Man, what are you talking about? No.

01:11:06 What, no you?

01:11:07 No. No?

01:11:08 A dog in the pipes?

01:11:09 You think there's a dachshund?

01:11:10 Look like a dachshund?

01:11:11 You think...

01:11:12 Oh, no, is that the dog?

01:11:13 Wait right here. I'll deal with you in a minute.

01:11:15 Yeah, run away right here.

01:11:17 In the New York City, you know what I mean?

01:11:19 (door creaks open)

01:11:20 Kevin? Kevin, you okay, baby?

01:11:22 Everything went incredible up here. You all right?

01:11:24 Yeah, I'm all right.

01:11:25 Sweating my goddamn ass off, though.

01:11:27 Jesus Christ, how do they cut no holes in here?

01:11:29 Let's get you out of here and kick some fucking ass.

01:11:31 What do you say, huh?

01:11:32 All right, come on. Let's go.

01:11:33 Yes!

01:11:34 (upbeat music)

01:11:38 What are you doing?

01:11:49 Funny story.

01:11:50 You're gonna lose your goddamn mind.

01:11:52 I, uh, drilled this puppy a little bit too hard.

01:11:55 I can't get it out without the aid of some tools.

01:11:58 Give me a second. I'm gonna grab some tools.

01:12:00 I'll be right back.

01:12:01 Hey, talk to him.

01:12:02 Hey, Andre, you better stop playing.

01:12:04 Seriously, man.

01:12:05 Andre!

01:12:06 (knocking)

01:12:07 Andre!

01:12:08 (fire crackling)

01:12:10 Hey, were those fireworks?

01:12:19 I live next door at the Mondovia estate.

01:12:22 Did you set those off? You know that that is illegal.

01:12:25 They're not ours.

01:12:26 I don't know who set these off.

01:12:28 It scared the bejesus out of me,

01:12:30 and I have a pacemaker.

01:12:32 What do you have to say for yourself?

01:12:34 Look, lady, I told you they're not my fireworks,

01:12:36 and I didn't shit in any pipes.

01:12:37 What?

01:12:38 (fire crackling)

01:12:40 That's for Andre.

01:12:47 (door slams)

01:12:49 (knocking)

01:12:52 Andre!

01:12:53 (knocking)

01:12:54 Andre!

01:12:55 Come on, man, I'm serious.

01:12:57 There you go.

01:12:59 What took you so long? Where you go?

01:13:01 Leave me in this box with all that goddamn quiet.

01:13:04 Don't do that.

01:13:05 (fire crackling)

01:13:07 The fuck is that?

01:13:09 Hey!

01:13:10 Andre, that's a chainsaw!

01:13:12 Andre, hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

01:13:14 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

01:13:16 Stop, stop, stop!

01:13:17 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

01:13:19 Slow down, slow down, slow down!

01:13:22 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

01:13:24 No more chainsaw!

01:13:26 No more chainsaw! No more chainsaw!

01:13:29 No more chainsaw! Okay?

01:13:31 Jesus Christ!

01:13:33 Shit!

01:13:34 What the fuck, Andre?

01:13:35 Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

01:13:37 Oh, shit!

01:13:39 I mean, I have stunt actors everywhere.

01:13:42 I'm excited to say...

01:13:44 this is your day of reckoning!

01:13:47 (laughing)

01:13:49 Hold on!

01:13:51 You trying to tell me a big old stunt legend like yourself

01:13:53 need a chainsaw?

01:13:55 Huh?

01:13:57 That's what the fuck I'm talking about.

01:14:01 Two men. How about two dogs and a bowl?

01:14:03 I want to eat.

01:14:05 (laughing)

01:14:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:08 You got a knife?

01:14:10 For a little old man like yourself?

01:14:12 Stunt legend, you need a knife?

01:14:14 For a little old me, that's what you need?

01:14:16 Fuck it.

01:14:18 I'm just gonna use my hands.

01:14:19 What? What you gonna--oh, oh, oh!

01:14:21 (grunting)

01:14:23 Oh, oh.

01:14:25 Yeah.

01:14:27 You don't think it'd go too good for you

01:14:29 in that little shitty hallway?

01:14:30 Me and Jordan whooped your ass.

01:14:32 Mask I was wearing was 100% polyester.

01:14:34 Unbreathable.

01:14:36 Sweating into my contacts,

01:14:37 held a child could have kicked my ass.

01:14:39 That's a real elaborate excuse, don't you think?

01:14:41 Superman punch!

01:14:43 Oh, shit!

01:14:47 Ah, shit!

01:14:49 Ah! Shit!

01:14:56 Andre! Andre, do the sidekick stuff!

01:14:59 I made all that shit up about your sidekick.

01:15:02 You think I'd help you?

01:15:04 You think I'd put a greedy, unappreciative,

01:15:07 overrated actor over a stuntman?

01:15:10 I just thought it'd be fun to give you some false hope

01:15:13 before you die!

01:15:15 Ah, shit!

01:15:17 You're gonna break my arm!

01:15:18 Add in every other one of the 206 bones in your body,

01:15:21 and then I'm gonna eat your ass!

01:15:23 I knew it! I knew you were a ass-eater!

01:15:25 (laughing)

01:15:27 Oh, hey, cute knife.

01:15:34 What are you gonna do with that?

01:15:35 You're gonna hurt me with that? Huh? Huh?

01:15:38 No. But she is.

01:15:40 Oh, shit.

01:15:45 Oh, you got him.

01:15:47 It's-- Okay. Um...

01:15:49 Holy shit.

01:15:51 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

01:15:53 Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:15:54 Look at me. Look at me. Eyes.

01:15:56 You good.

01:15:58 Thirsty.

01:16:00 You what?

01:16:01 Thirsty.

01:16:03 I'll get you something to drink.

01:16:05 You fucking threw a knife at me.

01:16:09 I didn't know what else to do.

01:16:11 I meant for his shoulder.

01:16:12 How did you mean for his shoulder?

01:16:13 He's fucking stabbed in a fireplace.

01:16:15 This is him.

01:16:17 He's awake. It's a good sign.

01:16:21 It's a good thing. He's-- Look, he's fine. He's fine.

01:16:23 What are you talking-- He's fine.

01:16:25 Yeah, look, I mean, he's--

01:16:26 He's a fucking zombie.

01:16:28 What do you mean he's fine?

01:16:29 Oh, God, he's gonna burn himself.

01:16:31 He's gonna get a burn on his hand or something.

01:16:33 It's not really the worst thing that could happen to him at this point.

01:16:35 That's true.

01:16:37 Hey, there he is.

01:16:39 How you doing, man?

01:16:41 Jesus Christ.

01:16:43 He's just-- He's okay.

01:16:45 He's just neck-tight. He's not dead. He's fine.

01:16:47 He's okay? Yeah.

01:16:49 Wait. Where's Andre?

01:16:51 Where's my sweet boy?

01:16:53 Yeah, don't you worry, 'cause I found him.

01:16:56 Sorry. I'm sorry.

01:16:58 I made an oopsie-daisy. I got captured.

01:17:00 I thought I heard your voice, but it wasn't your voice.

01:17:02 It was his voice. I'm the worst sidekick in the world.

01:17:04 Hey, hey, shut up. I'm gonna shut up.

01:17:06 Shut up. I'm gonna shut up.

01:17:08 You hurt one hair on my son's head, I swear to God.

01:17:11 Motherfucker, I will split you from chin to balls.

01:17:15 Who the fuck are you?

01:17:17 That's my mom. I love you, Mom. If I die, I love you in heaven.

01:17:19 What the hell is your mother doing, little boy?

01:17:21 I'm here for moral support, and I love him.

01:17:24 I love you, Mom.

01:17:26 But I will fuck you up! Try me!

01:17:28 Mom, I love you.

01:17:30 How come y'all don't have no guns?

01:17:32 'Cause we're not here to kill anybody, Doug.

01:17:34 Oh. Well, is that right?

01:17:36 Then where's Mr. 206 at?

01:17:39 He's...making breakfast.

01:17:43 'Cause it's a fucking joke to you.

01:17:50 It's a fucking joke to you.

01:17:52 Shut your ass up.

01:17:56 What the fuck you crying for?

01:17:58 I can feel it in your soul.

01:18:00 That man was my mentor.

01:18:02 He was my muse, my rock.

01:18:06 In 2003, for a brief period,

01:18:08 when I was confused about my sexuality, he was my lover.

01:18:10 Okay. Sounds like a very special...

01:18:12 Shut your ass up. Don't bother me.

01:18:14 Hey, hey, listen to me. Doug, we are sorry for your loss, man.

01:18:17 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

01:18:19 We're sorry.

01:18:20 Oh, oh, oh. Oh, you're sorry, huh?

01:18:22 Hmm? See, y'all a bunch of brainiacs.

01:18:25 I thought I had all you dead in that...

01:18:27 the goddamn business office. I did.

01:18:29 All right, Doug.

01:18:30 Doug, listen to me. Don't you hurt him, man.

01:18:33 You hear me? Don't hurt him.

01:18:35 Oh, 'cause you care all of a sudden? Hmm?

01:18:37 All of a sudden, you got a fucking hot tin man.

01:18:41 You don't care about nothing.

01:18:43 This man ain't nothing but an employee of yours.

01:18:46 Which means he's disposable. Ain't that right? Hmm?

01:18:49 That's not true.

01:18:51 That man is the complete opposite of that.

01:18:54 Andre is 34 years old.

01:18:56 35.

01:18:57 He's left-handed.

01:18:58 Right-handed.

01:19:00 Afraid of scorpions.

01:19:01 I love scorpions.

01:19:03 He won a sixth-grade spelling bee.

01:19:05 I got fourth place.

01:19:06 He memorized every single line of "House Party," both kids and plays.

01:19:09 You did that. I did do that. That is me.

01:19:12 Andre is the one man that I cannot live without.

01:19:15 I'm with you ride or die.

01:19:17 Although I was hoping for a little bit more ride and little less die,

01:19:20 I think I'm gonna die, like, really soon.

01:19:22 Okay, whoa, hey! Doug!

01:19:24 Now, stop it!

01:19:25 You don't even want him, man.

01:19:27 You want me. I'm the one that messed up.

01:19:29 I'm the one that threw you out,

01:19:31 like Tuesday's trash and left you on the side of the goddamn curb.

01:19:35 Without the blink of an eye, I did that.

01:19:37 You want me, not him.

01:19:39 So let him go.

01:19:41 Let him go and take me.

01:19:43 That's what you want, you want me to let him go?

01:19:46 Hmm? Say it. Say it again.

01:19:48 I want you to let him go.

01:19:49 Mama, how about you?

01:19:51 Please let him go.

01:19:52 Let him go, huh?

01:19:53 Let me go, Doug.

01:19:54 You want me to let you go?

01:19:55 Please, Doug, that'd be so nice.

01:19:56 Everybody tell me to let you go.

01:19:57 Please.

01:19:58 I should just let you go?

01:19:59 Hey, Mama, let him go.

01:20:00 Hey, baby, make sure you watch.

01:20:01 Huh? You watching?

01:20:02 Thank you.

01:20:03 You get your ass!

01:20:04 (gunshot)

01:20:05 (screaming)

01:20:06 Shit!

01:20:07 Oh, no!

01:20:08 He let go. He literally let go.

01:20:10 You gotta let him go good.

01:20:11 Doug, this ends now!

01:20:13 Oh, well, that's okay with me, little boots.

01:20:17 (gunshots)

01:20:20 Then let's do it the hard way, motherfucker!

01:20:24 I got your ass.

01:20:25 Honey, oh, my baby's alive.

01:20:31 He's alive?

01:20:32 He's alive.

01:20:33 I'm okay.

01:20:34 I'm fine, I'm fine.

01:20:35 The table actually broke my fall.

01:20:36 You see me?

01:20:37 That was the dead drop I never got to do in the woods.

01:20:40 That was my tribute to you.

01:20:41 Okay, come on, let's get you up.

01:20:42 (groaning)

01:20:44 (indistinct chatter)

01:20:46 Okay, we gotta get him-- oh, my God.

01:20:48 What happened? What's going on?

01:20:49 Nothing.

01:20:50 Nothing's good?

01:20:51 The table just...

01:20:52 Where is it? What part?

01:20:53 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

01:20:56 Don't touch it.

01:20:57 It's nothing-- it's nothing crazy.

01:20:59 It's a little splinter.

01:21:00 It's fine.

01:21:01 Get the tweezers! Let's get it out!

01:21:03 Why are you holding me back?

01:21:04 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

01:21:06 Stop fiddling with it!

01:21:07 Let's go get him to the hospital.

01:21:08 If it looks like something's in my kidney, right?

01:21:10 I don't know what.

01:21:11 Come on.

01:21:13 Okay.

01:21:14 Jesus.

01:21:15 (groaning)

01:21:16 What the hell is that?

01:21:18 Oh, I installed customizable lights in here,

01:21:20 but you never had time to learn how to use them.

01:21:22 All them years!

01:21:24 I was your stunt man, Kevin!

01:21:27 Get him to the hospital, Mom.

01:21:29 Jordan, come with me.

01:21:30 Okay, be careful.

01:21:31 Come on, honey, help me up.

01:21:33 See, Kevin, it wasn't just taking falls

01:21:36 and getting kicked in the face

01:21:38 and getting set on fire.

01:21:39 Mm-mm.

01:21:40 That's not all I was doing to make you look good.

01:21:43 You remember "Justice Squad Part II"?

01:21:47 You decided to gain 30 pounds for the part.

01:21:51 That meant that I had to gain 30 pounds, too, Kevin.

01:21:55 I'm afraid to die of a bed of your selfish fuck.

01:21:57 I almost put myself in a coma.

01:21:59 Okay, hey, hey, Doug.

01:22:01 Easy.

01:22:02 All right?

01:22:03 I'm sorry, man, I made a mistake.

01:22:05 Shut your ass up.

01:22:06 Mom, no, Mom, no, Mom, no.

01:22:07 I can't, Mom, I can't leave.

01:22:09 No, I'm not gonna let you die.

01:22:11 I'm not losing another.

01:22:12 Mom, Mom, Mom, listen, okay?

01:22:14 Look at me.

01:22:15 I-I know, I know you wish you could have saved Dad.

01:22:18 Yeah.

01:22:19 I know, I know.

01:22:20 But this is different.

01:22:21 I'm not just Kevin's assistant.

01:22:23 I'm his sidekick,

01:22:24 and you want to know the first rule of sidekick?

01:22:28 Do no harm.

01:22:29 No, that's doctor's mouth.

01:22:31 The first rule of sidekick is there is no sidekick.

01:22:34 It's Fight Club, Mom.

01:22:35 You know that, Brad Pitt.

01:22:36 Okay, just tell me that.

01:22:37 That Ed Norton's in that, Mom.

01:22:38 Just tell me that.

01:22:39 Okay, listen to me, and listen good, man.

01:22:41 Back when I was a sidekick,

01:22:42 I was always jealous of the lead actor

01:22:44 and all the glory they got.

01:22:46 And I told myself, Doug,

01:22:47 I said, "When I become a lead actor,

01:22:49 I'm gonna get that same glory.

01:22:50 I want it.

01:22:51 I want to taste that."

01:22:53 And I did.

01:22:54 But when I tasted it, I handled it wrong.

01:22:56 I was selfish.

01:22:57 I was stupid, man.

01:22:59 And now I realize how much I need my village,

01:23:01 and, Doug, you're part of that village.

01:23:03 Okay?

01:23:04 I need you.

01:23:06 I fucking need you.

01:23:07 Now, give me-- give me a chance

01:23:09 to make it up to you.

01:23:10 Give me a chance to prove to you

01:23:12 that this is what I want,

01:23:14 that I want you, I need you.

01:23:16 How about I give you the chance to suck my dick?

01:23:19 Hmm?

01:23:20 I'm living the life, boy.

01:23:22 I'm in your goddamn mansion.

01:23:24 Hmm?

01:23:25 I live here.

01:23:26 I got your career.

01:23:28 Your agents love me.

01:23:30 Them boys love me good.

01:23:31 Got me a part in a movie and everything.

01:23:33 I'm about to be Chucky in "A New Child's Life."

01:23:35 You took that shit!

01:23:36 Shut up, man!

01:23:37 Get back before I goddamn skin your fucking lip.

01:23:39 And I signed up for a new Woody Allen movie.

01:23:42 Can't wait to see the press around that.

01:23:44 [shrieking]

01:23:45 No, no, no, no!

01:23:46 Come on, come on, come on.

01:23:48 Come on, wake up.

01:23:49 Wake up, come on, Doug.

01:23:50 [yells]

01:23:51 What?

01:23:52 What's happening?

01:23:53 I think what you were about to do

01:23:55 was to try to convince me

01:23:57 that even though you've been impaled

01:23:59 by a large piece of restoration hardware,

01:24:03 you want to go back in there

01:24:05 and fight some lunatic

01:24:07 who is physically superior to you

01:24:09 in every possible way

01:24:11 because you're not just his sidekick.

01:24:14 You're his best friend.

01:24:17 You're goddamn right I am.

01:24:20 So why go through all this trouble?

01:24:22 The Swedish actor, the torture chamber.

01:24:25 You think it's easy stealing a man's identity, hmm?

01:24:28 You think it's as easy as stealing his face?

01:24:30 Well, it's not, little pretty.

01:24:32 It's much harder than that.

01:24:34 Had to get his goddamn fingerprint first.

01:24:36 After that, I had to take all your goddamn passwords.

01:24:39 Once I got that, I said, "Let me get your voice ID,

01:24:42 all the other secrets that you're holding."

01:24:44 I got it, I got it good.

01:24:46 So now you have everything you need to be Kevin.

01:24:48 Mm-hmm.

01:24:49 You removed your mole, you sick son of a bitch.

01:24:52 Yeah, I did.

01:24:53 You know why?

01:24:54 'Cause I'm Kevin Hart.

01:24:55 I'm Kevin Hart.

01:24:56 I got all the money in the world.

01:24:57 I got the best dermatologist in the world

01:24:59 'cause I'm Kevin Hart.

01:25:00 [laughs]

01:25:01 Dr. Sanchez would never touch that rough-ass skin of yours.

01:25:04 Well, she did, motherfucker!

01:25:05 She did!

01:25:06 Ah, shit!

01:25:07 [yelling]

01:25:08 [thudding]

01:25:09 [grunting]

01:25:10 [thudding]

01:25:11 [grunting]

01:25:12 [thudding]

01:25:13 [grunting]

01:25:14 [thudding]

01:25:15 [grunting]

01:25:16 [thudding]

01:25:17 [thudding]

01:25:18 [grunting]

01:25:19 [yelling]

01:25:20 [thudding]

01:25:21 No, boy!

01:25:22 [thudding]

01:25:23 Smack your ass!

01:25:24 [thudding]

01:25:25 No!

01:25:26 [thudding]

01:25:27 Hold on.

01:25:28 What?

01:25:29 [thudding]

01:25:30 Superman punch!

01:25:31 [thudding]

01:25:32 [grunting]

01:25:33 [thudding]

01:25:34 [grunting]

01:25:35 No, not today!

01:25:36 [thudding]

01:25:37 [grunting]

01:25:38 Oh.

01:25:39 I told you.

01:25:40 Nice!

01:25:41 I wouldn't have done with you.

01:25:44 [chuckles]

01:25:45 Oh, yeah.

01:25:47 Yeah.

01:25:48 See, I got your body.

01:25:50 Thug, you ain't got to do this, man.

01:25:52 Give me a chance.

01:25:53 But now--

01:25:54 Thug, no!

01:25:55 Now I want your soul!

01:25:56 You want to take my soul?

01:25:57 I'm gonna get your fucking soul!

01:25:58 [thudding]

01:25:59 [yelling]

01:26:00 You're messing with me.

01:26:01 What the fuck you just do to me?

01:26:02 Oh, shit.

01:26:04 Just that?

01:26:05 My goddamn scapular voice!

01:26:07 Hey!

01:26:08 Huh?

01:26:09 That's a wrap on Thug.

01:26:10 [thudding]

01:26:11 Oh, got me good.

01:26:13 Motherfucker!

01:26:15 [dramatic music]

01:26:18 ♪ ♪

01:26:23 Ah, ah.

01:26:24 Hold on, Andre.

01:26:25 Is that the piece of wood that was lodging in your side?

01:26:28 Sidekick.

01:26:30 No, Andre, that was supposed to stay in

01:26:32 to stop the bleeding.

01:26:33 I told him it was a dumb idea,

01:26:35 but does he listen to his mom?

01:26:36 I'd do anything for you, man.

01:26:38 Hey, hey, look at me.

01:26:39 You're the best damn sidekick I ever seen.

01:26:42 All right, guys, call the cops,

01:26:44 stay with Doug until they get here.

01:26:46 Okay?

01:26:47 We got to get you to the hospital.

01:26:49 This time I'm driving.

01:26:51 ♪ ♪

01:26:53 You know, actually, I will drive.

01:26:55 I'm gonna drive.

01:26:56 I saw the way you drove last time,

01:26:57 so I think I'll take it from here.

01:26:59 Why don't we just--

01:27:00 when we get in the car, we'll figure it out.

01:27:02 Yeah, but I'll use my feet and hands,

01:27:03 and you can sit on my lap or some shit.

01:27:05 He's in shock.

01:27:06 I got you, buddy.

01:27:07 Keep an eye on Doug.

01:27:08 I got you, buddy.

01:27:10 ♪ ♪

01:27:12 I mean, I was foolish.

01:27:14 I let my ego run the show,

01:27:16 and I'm--I'm honestly--

01:27:18 I'm lucky to be alive.

01:27:20 We both are.

01:27:21 Why is he here with us again?

01:27:23 [laughs]

01:27:24 'Cause he's a vital part of my team.

01:27:26 Ah, okay.

01:27:28 Hi, hi, hi.

01:27:29 Sorry.

01:27:30 Sorry I'm late.

01:27:31 And so is she.

01:27:33 And so are they.

01:27:35 [cheering]

01:27:37 All right.

01:27:39 Um, who is the older lady?

01:27:40 You're talking about that gorgeous woman in the back?

01:27:43 That's my mama.

01:27:44 Mama!

01:27:45 How's the food?

01:27:46 Oh, it's so confusing.

01:27:48 Yeah.

01:27:49 I love it, though.

01:27:50 I'm not really sure what her role is yet.

01:27:52 We're still trying to iron out the kinks.

01:27:54 But what I do know is it takes a village

01:27:56 to operate the world of Kevin Hart,

01:27:58 and she's a villager.

01:27:59 What's a village?

01:28:00 Wow, Kevin.

01:28:02 I gotta say, you certainly have changed.

01:28:04 No, I just learned to appreciate the people that--

01:28:07 that matter the most in my life.

01:28:09 Well?

01:28:13 Does that mean that you're in for Jefferson's two?

01:28:15 Yeah.

01:28:16 Just gotta check with my stuntman first.

01:28:18 Isn't he in prison now?

01:28:24 [scoffs]

01:28:26 He is.

01:28:27 Yeah, I don't know.

01:28:28 It slipped my mind.

01:28:30 Oh, I forgot.

01:28:32 [laughing]

01:28:34 I forgot.

01:28:35 [laughing]

01:28:37 [music playing]

01:28:40 Hey.

01:28:43 Hey, guard.

01:28:44 Guard!

01:28:45 Hey, let me out of here!

01:28:47 I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy.

01:28:49 I'm Kevin Hart!

01:28:51 I'm Kevin Hart!

01:28:53 [music playing]

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