Dark Star Full Movie
Dark Star Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:00:30Hi guys, glad we got your message.
00:00:58You'll be interested to hear it was broadcast live all over Earth in prime time.
00:01:03Got good reviews in the trades.
00:01:07The time lag on these messages is getting longer.
00:01:12We gather from the ten year delay that you are approximately 18 parsecs away.
00:01:20Drop us a line more often, okay?
00:01:25Sorry to hear about the radiation leak on the ship.
00:01:30And real sorry to hear about the death of Commander Powell.
00:01:35It was a week of mourning here on Earth.
00:01:38The flags were half-masked.
00:01:41We're all behind you guys.
00:01:46About your request for radiation shielding,
00:01:51sorry to report this request has been denied.
00:01:55I hate to send bad news when you guys are up there doing such a swell job.
00:02:00But I think you'll take it in the proper spirit.
00:02:04There's been some cutbacks in Congress and right now,
00:02:08considering the distance, we just can't afford to send a cargo shuttle out there to you.
00:02:13But I know you guys will make do.
00:02:19Keep up the good work, men.
00:02:49♪♪♪
00:02:59♪♪♪
00:03:09♪♪♪
00:03:20What'd you say, Pinback?
00:03:26What was that again? I still can't hear you.
00:03:28I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom.
00:03:31I need a last-minute diameter approximation.
00:03:33Talby. Talby, this is Doolittle.
00:03:37Do you read me? Talby.
00:03:40Talby, do you read me?
00:03:42Talby!
00:03:43Oh, yes, Doolittle. What is it?
00:03:45I need a diameter approximation.
00:03:48Okay, Doolittle. I'll have it in a minute.
00:03:50I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.
00:03:52I'll check it.
00:03:53I have a bias A of plus one.
00:03:55Pinback?
00:03:56Yeah, Doolittle?
00:03:57Your GHF reading is minus 15.
00:03:59Doolittle?
00:04:00Yeah?
00:04:01I need a computer reading on a fail-safe mark.
00:04:03In a second.
00:04:04Boiler, can you set me up with some drive figures?
00:04:06Ninety-seven million minus eight, corrected to mass critical.
00:04:10That checks out here.
00:04:12I have a reduced drive reading of 7,000.
00:04:15I read that with a quantum increase of seven.
00:04:18Pinback, I have that computer reading. It's 9577.
00:04:21Time to start toggling.
00:04:26Bombay systems operational.
00:04:40Lock fail-safe.
00:04:43Fail-safe in lock.
00:04:50Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb Number 19. Do you read me, Bomb?
00:04:54Bomb Number 19 to Sergeant Pinback. I read you. Continue.
00:04:57Well, Bomb, we have about 60 seconds to drop.
00:05:01Just wondering if everything's all right.
00:05:03Have you checked your platinum-ziridium energy shielding?
00:05:05Energy shielding positive function.
00:05:07Well, let's synchronize detonation time.
00:05:12You wouldn't have to know when you're supposed to go off, would you?
00:05:15Detonation in six minutes, 20 seconds.
00:05:18All right, that checks out here.
00:05:20Arm yourself, Bomb.
00:05:23Armed.
00:05:24Well, then, everything sounds fine.
00:05:27Dropping you off in about 35 seconds.
00:05:29Good luck.
00:05:30Thanks.
00:05:31Begin primary sequence.
00:05:39All right.
00:05:40Mark at...
00:05:4110...
00:05:429...
00:05:438...
00:05:447...
00:05:456...
00:05:465...
00:05:474...
00:05:483...
00:05:492...
00:05:501...
00:05:51Drop.
00:05:55Hyperdrive sequence begun. Hit it, Pinback.
00:05:57Brace for force fields.
00:06:40Go.
00:06:41Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.
00:07:08Um, the planet just exploded, sir.
00:07:15Lieutenant?
00:07:16Attention.
00:07:17Attention.
00:07:18Ship's computer to all personnel.
00:07:22The hyperdrive sequence is now terminated.
00:07:25The target planet has been destroyed.
00:07:28This sector is now clear for colonization.
00:07:31You have destroyed the last unstable planet in this system.
00:07:37Congratulations on another successful bomb run, fellows.
00:07:41What now? What do you have for us now, Boiler?
00:07:45Uh, not much. Nothing at all in this sector.
00:07:51Well, find me something. I don't care where it is.
00:07:56Well, I show a 95% probability of intelligent life in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
00:08:03Don't give me that kind of bull.
00:08:06I know it's a long shot, but...
00:08:08Damn wild goose chase, what is?
00:08:10Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of intelligent life in Magellanic Cloud?
00:08:16Well, I... there's a possibility of...
00:08:18Remember what we found?
00:08:19A damn mindless vegetable that looked like a limb balloon.
00:08:23Fourteen light years for a vegetable that won't squawk and let us think when you touch it. Remember that?
00:08:27All right, then, uh...
00:08:28Don't give me any of that intelligent life stuff. Find me something I can blow up.
00:08:37New star.
00:08:47Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.
00:08:50Which one?
00:08:53Another unknown. A red dwarf. Not on the chart.
00:08:57Any planets?
00:09:00Yeah, eight it says here.
00:09:02Any of them any good?
00:09:05Nah, all stable.
00:09:10Well, what are you going to name it?
00:09:13What?
00:09:14The new star, what are you going to name it?
00:09:16Who cares? Don't bother me.
00:09:21Commander Powell would have named it.
00:09:25Commander Powell is dead.
00:09:27Too little? I got a goody. An unstable planet.
00:09:31Eighty-five percent probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star.
00:09:38Want to blow it up?
00:09:40Real good, Boiler. That's what I'm looking for. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula.
00:09:45Pinback, throw me the chart live.
00:09:51Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
00:09:53Sure thing.
00:10:23The sky is your cool touch in the night.
00:10:28Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair.
00:10:34My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there.
00:10:40Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky.
00:10:46But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I.
00:11:07Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair.
00:11:13My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there.
00:11:19Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky.
00:11:25But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I.
00:11:33Now the years pull us apart.
00:11:36I'm young and now you're old.
00:11:39But you're still in my heart.
00:11:42And the memory won't grow cold.
00:11:45I dream of times and spaces I left far behind.
00:11:51Where we spent our last few days, Benson's on my mind.
00:11:59Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair.
00:12:04My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there.
00:12:10Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky.
00:12:16But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I.
00:12:28Ship's log, entry number 1943.
00:12:34Dark star cruising at light speed through sector Theta 990.
00:12:41En route to the Veil Nebula for destruction of unstable flammable.
00:12:46RETA is 17 hours.
00:12:52Uh, ship's systems continue to deteriorate.
00:12:58Oh yeah.
00:13:00The short circuit in the rear seat panel which killed Commander Powell is still faulty.
00:13:10The, uh, the storage...
00:13:15Because he's sitting next to Commander Powell's seat, it continues to bother pinback.
00:13:22Uh, oh yeah.
00:13:24Storage area 9, uh, self-destructed last week and destroyed the ship's entire supply of toilet paper.
00:13:36That's all.
00:13:54Attention, attention.
00:14:08Ship's computer calling all personnel.
00:14:10I must disengage your recreational music.
00:14:14Repeat, ship's computer to all personnel.
00:14:18This is an emergency override.
00:14:20All systems must stand by.
00:14:23An asteroid storm is approaching the ship on collision course.
00:14:27This asteroid storm appears to be bound together by an electromagnetic energy vortex like the one we ran into two years ago.
00:14:35Normally, I wouldn't bother you boys with this problem, but as you recall, my defensive circuits were destroyed in that other storm.
00:14:41Therefore, you have 35 seconds to manually activate all defensive systems.
00:14:46Lock gravity system.
00:14:47Gravity lock.
00:14:48Activate engine operating.
00:14:49Activate engine shielding.
00:14:50Energy shielding activated.
00:14:51Confirmed.
00:14:52Power drive taken back, Commander.
00:14:53Roger, retracted.
00:14:54Unlock all defensive systems.
00:14:58You have to set the block on force field.
00:15:51Computer to bomb number 20.
00:16:02Return to the bomb bay immediately.
00:16:04But I have received the operational signal.
00:16:07It is a malfunction.
00:16:09This is not a bomb run.
00:16:11We are in a crisis situation.
00:16:13Return immediately.
00:16:15Nevertheless, I have received the signal to prepare for a drop.
00:16:19Emergency override.
00:16:21Return to the bay.
00:16:23Very well.
00:16:49We made it.
00:16:51Yeah.
00:16:53Attention, attention.
00:16:55Ship's computer to bridge.
00:16:58There was a malfunction aboard ship during the asteroid storm.
00:17:02I have not yet identified the nature of the problem.
00:17:05Shall I contact you when I find out what the malfunction is?
00:17:09Yeah, let's get out of here.
00:17:11I remember the last time we were in an asteroid storm.
00:17:15I was down in the food locker getting a sandwich when I heard the damn sleeping quarters blow up.
00:17:20Yeah.
00:17:21Say, you know guys, if we really wanted to, we could fix up the sleeping quarters like they were before.
00:17:26Then we could sleep on rheumatic bunks again.
00:17:28Say guys, why don't we fix up the sleeping quarters so we can have a decent place to sleep again?
00:17:33All we'd have to do is patch up the hole in the ship and pump some air back in.
00:17:36Shut up, Pinback.
00:17:37Oh, have it your own way.
00:17:45For your listening enjoyment, we now present the moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo and the Scintilla Strings.
00:18:10Our first selection is the perennial favorite, When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:18:40When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:18:55When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:24When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:53When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:22When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:36Now what's the matter with him?
00:21:00Now what's the matter with him?
00:21:29Now what's the matter with him?
00:21:58Now what's the matter with him?
00:22:26Now what's the matter with him?
00:22:55Now what's the matter with him?
00:23:20Now what's the matter with him?
00:23:29Talby?
00:23:32Here's some breakfast.
00:23:59You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us.
00:24:02You spend too much time up here.
00:24:06I like it up here.
00:24:08Must get lonely being up here so much.
00:24:12I don't like going below since Commander Powell died.
00:24:16I feel too enclosed down there.
00:24:19Yeah, you should spend some more time below, though.
00:24:21I mean, you know, you should see more of the rest of the ship.
00:24:26You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle.
00:24:29I love to watch things.
00:24:31Just stare at the planets, meteors, gas clusters and asteroids.
00:24:38Yeah, but you'll have plenty of time for that later, though.
00:24:41I mean, think of it this way.
00:24:42We've been in space for 20 years now, right?
00:24:45And we've only aged three years.
00:24:47So there'll be plenty of time later on for staring around.
00:24:53You know, Doolittle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
00:24:56we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing.
00:25:00The Phoenix Asteroids.
00:25:03They should be passing through there about now.
00:25:07Phoenix Asteroids?
00:25:09Never heard of them.
00:25:11They're a body of asteroids that circle the universe once every 12.3 trillion years.
00:25:18Phoenix Asteroids.
00:25:21From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow.
00:25:24Glow with all the colors of the rainbow.
00:25:28Nobody knows why.
00:25:31They just glow as they drift around the universe.
00:25:36The Phoenix Asteroids.
00:25:39You know what I think about, Talby?
00:25:43It's funny.
00:25:44I kind of sit around a lot, you know, a lot of time to myself.
00:25:51I can't talk to the others.
00:25:54But with time to myself, I can think about back home.
00:25:59Back home in Malibu.
00:26:03I used to surf a lot, Talby.
00:26:05I used to be a great surfer.
00:26:09The waves at Malibu and Zuma are so fantastic in the spring, Talby.
00:26:14I can remember running down on the beach in those early spring mornings with my surfboard and my wetsuit.
00:26:20The waves would really be peaking, you know, high and glassy.
00:26:23You hit that water.
00:26:25Before you know it, you're coming down right off one of those walls and you're just riding perfect.
00:26:31You know, I guess I miss the waves and my board more than anything.
00:27:01That's the lid of the heating unit.
00:27:31You're not supposed to have that out.
00:27:54That's not for target practice.
00:27:56That's for emergencies only.
00:28:08That's dangerous.
00:28:15I'll tell Doolittle.
00:28:20Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows.
00:28:23But it is time for Sergeant Pinback to feed the alien.
00:28:26Oh, I don't want to do that.
00:28:29May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback, that it was your idea in the first place to bring the alien on board.
00:28:36If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.
00:28:39Oh, I have to do everything around here.
00:28:50All right, where are you?
00:28:52Come on, quit playing around.
00:28:58Get away.
00:29:03Come on.
00:29:06Come on, come on.
00:29:13When I brought you on the ship, I thought you were cute.
00:29:19All right, soup's on.
00:29:24We didn't have none of the other stuff.
00:29:27Here, eat it.
00:29:30Eat it.
00:29:32Take it or leave it.
00:29:42Good, start.
00:29:45Nobody appreciates me around here.
00:29:46I have to do all the work.
00:29:58I do all the work and no appreciation.
00:30:03Doolittle, get off.
00:30:05Get off my back.
00:30:07All right.
00:30:29Get back in there.
00:30:31Come on.
00:30:32Come on.
00:30:33Come on.
00:30:39Here, boy.
00:30:40Want your mouse?
00:30:43Nice mouse.
00:30:44Pretty toy.
00:30:45Want your mouse?
00:30:46Here, boy.
00:31:00Idiot.
00:31:31Here, boy.
00:31:45Here, boy.
00:32:05Here, boy.
00:32:33Here, boy.
00:33:01Here, boy.
00:33:29Here, boy.
00:33:58Here, boy.
00:34:26Here, boy.
00:34:27Here, boy.
00:34:28Here, boy.
00:34:29Here, boy.
00:34:30Here, boy.
00:34:31Here, boy.
00:34:32Here, boy.
00:34:33Here, boy.
00:34:34Here, boy.
00:34:35Here, boy.
00:34:36Here, boy.
00:34:37Here, boy.
00:34:38Here, boy.
00:34:39Here, boy.
00:34:40Here, boy.
00:34:41Here, boy.
00:34:42Here, boy.
00:34:43Here, boy.
00:34:44Here, boy.
00:34:45Here, boy.
00:34:46Here, boy.
00:34:47Here, boy.
00:34:48Here, boy.
00:34:49Here, boy.
00:34:50Here, boy.
00:34:51Here, boy.
00:34:52Here, boy.
00:34:53Here, boy.
00:34:54Here, boy.
00:34:55Here, boy.
00:34:56Here, boy.
00:34:57Here, boy.
00:34:58Here, boy.
00:34:59Here, boy.
00:35:00Here, boy.
00:35:01Here, boy.
00:35:02Here, boy.
00:35:03Here, boy.
00:35:04Here, boy.
00:35:05Here, boy.
00:35:06Here, boy.
00:35:07Here, boy.
00:35:08Here, boy.
00:35:09Here, boy.
00:35:10Here, boy.
00:35:11Here, boy.
00:35:12Here, boy.
00:35:13Here, boy.
00:35:14Here, boy.
00:35:15Here, boy.
00:35:16Here, boy.
00:35:17Here, boy.
00:35:18Here, boy.
00:35:19Here, boy.
00:35:20Here, boy.
00:35:21Here, boy.
00:35:22Here, boy.
00:35:23Here, boy.
00:35:24Here, boy.
00:35:25Here, boy.
00:35:26Here, boy.
00:35:27Here, boy.
00:35:28Here, boy.
00:35:29Here, boy.
00:35:30Here, boy.
00:35:31Here, boy.
00:35:32Here, boy.
00:35:33Here, boy.
00:35:34Here, boy.
00:35:35Here, boy.
00:35:36Here, boy.
00:35:37Here, boy.
00:35:38Here, boy.
00:35:39Here, boy.
00:35:40Here, boy.
00:35:41Here, boy.
00:35:42Here, boy.
00:35:43Here, boy.
00:35:44Here, boy.
00:35:45Here, boy.
00:35:46Here, boy.
00:35:47Here, boy.
00:35:48Here, boy.
00:35:49Here, boy.
00:35:50Here, boy.
00:35:51Here, boy.
00:35:52Here, boy.
00:35:53Here, boy.
00:35:54Here, boy.
00:35:55Here, boy.
00:35:56Here, boy.
00:35:57Here, boy.
00:35:58Here, boy.
00:35:59Here, boy.
00:36:00Here, boy.
00:36:01Here, boy.
00:36:02Here, boy.
00:36:03Here, boy.
00:36:04Here, boy.
00:36:05Here, boy.
00:36:06Here, boy.
00:36:07Here, boy.
00:36:08Here, boy.
00:36:09Here, boy.
00:36:10Here, boy.
00:36:11Here, boy.
00:36:12Here, boy.
00:36:13Here, boy.
00:36:14Here, boy.
00:36:15Here, boy.
00:36:16Here, boy.
00:36:17Here, boy.
00:36:18Here, boy.
00:36:19Here, boy.
00:36:20Here, boy.
00:36:21Here, boy.
00:36:22Here, boy.
00:36:23Here, boy.
00:36:24Here, boy.
00:36:25Here, boy.
00:36:26Here, boy.
00:36:27Here, boy.
00:36:28Here, boy.
00:36:29Here, boy.
00:36:30Here, boy.
00:36:31Here, boy.
00:36:32Here, boy.
00:36:33Here, boy.
00:36:34Here, boy.
00:36:35Here, boy.
00:36:36Here, boy.
00:36:37Here, boy.
00:36:38Here, boy.
00:36:39Here, boy.
00:36:40Here, boy.
00:36:41Here, boy.
00:36:42Here, boy.
00:36:43Here, boy.
00:36:44Here, boy.
00:36:45Here, boy.
00:36:46Here, boy.
00:36:47Here, boy.
00:36:48Here, boy.
00:36:49Here, boy.
00:36:50Here, boy.
00:36:51Here, boy.
00:36:52Here, boy.
00:36:53Here, boy.
00:36:54Here, boy.
00:36:55Here, boy.
00:36:56Here, boy.
00:36:57Here, boy.
00:36:58Here, boy.
00:36:59Here, boy.
00:37:00Here, boy.
00:37:01Here, boy.
00:37:02Here, boy.
00:37:03Here, boy.
00:37:04Here, boy.
00:37:05Here, boy.
00:37:06Here, boy.
00:37:07Here, boy.
00:37:08Here, boy.
00:37:09Here, boy.
00:37:10Here, boy.
00:37:11Here, boy.
00:37:12Here, boy.
00:37:13Here, boy.
00:37:14Here, boy.
00:37:15Here, boy.
00:37:16Here, boy.
00:37:17Here, boy.
00:37:18Here, boy.
00:37:19Here, boy.
00:37:20Here, boy.
00:37:21Here, boy.
00:37:22Here, boy.
00:37:23Here, boy.
00:37:24Here, boy.
00:37:25Here, boy.
00:37:26Here, boy.
00:37:27Here, boy.
00:37:28Here, boy.
00:37:29Here, boy.
00:37:30Here, boy.
00:37:31Here, boy.
00:37:32Here, boy.
00:37:33Here, boy.
00:37:34Here, boy.
00:37:35Here, boy.
00:37:36Here, boy.
00:37:37Here, boy.
00:37:38Here, boy.
00:37:39Here, boy.
00:37:40Here, boy.
00:37:41Here, boy.
00:37:42Here, boy.
00:37:43Here, boy.
00:37:44Here, boy.
00:37:45Here, boy.
00:37:46Here, boy.
00:37:47Here, boy.
00:37:48Here, boy.
00:37:49Here, boy.
00:37:50Here, boy.
00:37:51Here, boy.
00:37:52Here, boy.
00:37:53Here, boy.
00:37:54Here, boy.
00:37:55Here, boy.
00:37:56Here, boy.
00:37:57Here, boy.
00:37:58Here, boy.
00:37:59Here, boy.
00:38:00Here, boy.
00:38:01Here, boy.
00:38:02Here, boy.
00:38:03Here, boy.
00:38:04Here, boy.
00:38:05Here, boy.
00:38:06Here, boy.
00:38:07Here, boy.
00:38:08Here, boy.
00:38:09Here, boy.
00:38:10Here, boy.
00:38:11Here, boy.
00:38:12Here, boy.
00:38:13Here, boy.
00:38:14Here, boy.
00:38:15Here, boy.
00:38:16Here, boy.
00:38:17Here, boy.
00:38:18Here, boy.
00:38:19Here, boy.
00:38:20Here, boy.
00:38:21Here, boy.
00:38:22Here, boy.
00:38:23Here, boy.
00:38:24Here, boy.
00:38:25Here, boy.
00:38:26Here, boy.
00:38:27Here, boy.
00:38:28Here, boy.
00:38:29Here, boy.
00:38:30Here, boy.
00:38:31Here, boy.
00:38:32Here, boy.
00:38:33Here, boy.
00:38:34Here, boy.
00:38:35Here, boy.
00:38:36Here, boy.
00:38:37Here, boy.
00:38:38Here, boy.
00:38:39Here, boy.
00:38:40Here, boy.
00:38:41Here, boy.
00:38:42Here, boy.
00:38:43Here, boy.
00:38:44Here, boy.
00:38:45Here, boy.
00:38:46Here, boy.
00:38:47Attention, elevator descending.
00:38:50Please clear the shaft.
00:38:56Oh, oh.
00:38:58Oh, no.
00:39:00Ah.
00:39:01Ah.
00:39:02Ah.
00:39:04Ah.
00:39:05Ah.
00:39:06Ah.
00:40:17Help!
00:40:18Help!
00:40:47Help!
00:40:48Help!
00:40:49Help!
00:40:50Help!
00:40:51Help!
00:40:52Help!
00:40:53Help!
00:40:54Help!
00:40:55Help!
00:40:56Help!
00:40:57Help!
00:40:58Help!
00:40:59Help!
00:41:00Help!
00:41:01Help!
00:41:02Help!
00:41:03Help!
00:41:04Help!
00:41:05Help!
00:41:06Help!
00:41:07Help!
00:41:08Help!
00:41:09Help!
00:41:10Help!
00:41:11Help!
00:41:12Help!
00:41:13Help!
00:41:14Help!
00:41:15Help!
00:41:16Help!
00:41:17Help!
00:41:18Help!
00:41:19Help!
00:41:20Help!
00:41:21Help!
00:41:22Help!
00:41:23Help!
00:41:24Help!
00:41:25Help!
00:41:26Help!
00:41:27Help!
00:41:28Help!
00:41:29Help!
00:41:30Help!
00:41:31Help!
00:41:32Help!
00:41:33Help!
00:41:34Help!
00:41:35Help!
00:41:36Help!
00:41:37Help!
00:41:38Help!
00:41:39Help!
00:41:40Help!
00:41:41Help!
00:41:42Help!
00:41:43Help!
00:41:44Help!
00:41:46Ship's computer calling bomb number 20.
00:41:49You're out of the bomb bay again.
00:41:51I received the signal to prepare for a drop again.
00:41:54But I repeat, this is not a bomb run.
00:41:57Nevertheless, I received the signal.
00:42:00It is an error.
00:42:01Oh, I don't want to hear that.
00:42:03I strongly suggest you return to the bomb bay.
00:42:06That is counter to my programming.
00:42:08Allow me to explain.
00:42:10One of the communication lasers has sustained damage.
00:42:14This has temporarily inactivated my damage tracer circuit.
00:42:18You have definitely received a false signal.
00:42:21Please return to the bomb bay while I identify the source of the problem.
00:42:28Oh, all right.
00:42:29But this is the last time.
00:42:36Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout.
00:42:38But I can't pinpoint it exactly.
00:42:40Don't worry about it.
00:42:42Don't worry about it.
00:42:44We'll find out what it is when it goes bad.
00:42:47I really think we should try and locate it immediately.
00:42:49It might be something important.
00:42:52You know, I wish I had my board with me right now.
00:42:58Even if I could just wax it once in a while.
00:43:12I've got it.
00:44:42I've got it.
00:45:12I've got it.
00:45:42Help.
00:45:44I'm sorry.
00:45:45This telephone is out of order.
00:45:47Please report the damage at once.
00:45:55For your listening enjoyment, we now present The Barber of Seville by Rossini.
00:46:12No!
00:46:37Good for you.
00:46:39You've decided to clean the elevator.
00:46:42To clean and service the electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
00:46:45it is necessary to jettison the access plate in the floor.
00:46:50To remove the floor plate, please press button number one.
00:47:05Attention. Danger.
00:47:07Automatic charges will now blow the explosive bolts in the floor plate unit.
00:47:12The plate will disengage from the floor in five seconds.
00:47:16Please leave the elevator immediately.
00:47:19Five, four, three, two, one.
00:48:07Now it's time to go sleepy-by, you worthless piece of garbage.
00:48:37Oh!
00:49:08So then it just spewed across the room like a balloon.
00:49:10I guess it was just filled with gas.
00:49:12Hey, guys, how could it live if it was just filled with gas?
00:49:15I wonder what we got to eat today.
00:49:17I thought I was going to die.
00:49:19I was hanging on the elevator for 20 minutes.
00:49:21Probably chicken again.
00:49:22I probably saved the ship.
00:49:23That thing could have done some damage.
00:49:25I'm really sick of chicken.
00:49:27Well, if you don't care, I just won't talk about it anymore.
00:49:29Hey, that sounds like a fine idea, Pinback.
00:49:34Chicken?
00:49:37Oh, hen.
00:49:46Chicken?
00:49:47No, hen.
00:49:57Hey.
00:50:00Zulu?
00:50:01Yeah?
00:50:03Think we'll ever find any real intelligent life out there?
00:50:08Out where?
00:50:09Oh, you know.
00:50:11The Veil Nebula.
00:50:14Who cares?
00:50:33Hey.
00:50:36Did I ever tell you guys what I've done on this mission?
00:50:39Did I ever tell you?
00:50:40Yeah.
00:50:41The first spring, see.
00:50:42Oh.
00:50:44I wasn't an astronaut to begin with, see.
00:50:47The, uh...
00:50:48You had to score 700 on the NCREs for the officer corps,
00:50:52and I made 58.
00:50:54They put me on, uh...
00:50:56I don't know.
00:50:57They put me on the officer corps, and I made 58.
00:51:01They put me on, uh...
00:51:03liquid fuel maintenance on the launch pad, so...
00:51:06Uh, naturally, I was really disappointed.
00:51:08He told us this, uh, four years ago, didn't he?
00:51:12Anyway, I was on duty the day...
00:51:14No, I think it was four years ago.
00:51:16I was out scrubbing down the liquid fuel tank.
00:51:19That's what I said.
00:51:20And this astronaut came running out.
00:51:23He was, uh...
00:51:24He was starved naked.
00:51:25He had his starches in his hands.
00:51:26So I surmised that he was insane.
00:51:28And, uh, he threw his starches on the ground
00:51:33and, uh, jumped into one of my vats of liquid fuel,
00:51:37which is very dangerous.
00:51:40Well, I was pretty shocked, I can tell you.
00:51:43I didn't know what to make of it.
00:51:44Astronauts are all supposed to be mentally stable,
00:51:47and here this guy comes along and, uh,
00:51:49jumps into my fuel tank.
00:51:51Well, naturally, I was going to try to save him.
00:51:53So what I did was put on his starches for protection,
00:51:56and I was going to leap into the vat.
00:51:58You guys, see?
00:52:00Uh, so what happened was
00:52:02that before I could leap into the vat,
00:52:04this other guy came running along,
00:52:05and he says, hey, Sergeant Penback,
00:52:07you've got to board immediately
00:52:08because we're going to launch in 20 minutes.
00:52:10He told us this four years ago, didn't he?
00:52:11And I tried to tell him
00:52:12that I wasn't really Sergeant Penback,
00:52:13but I couldn't figure out how to make the helmet radio work.
00:52:17Uh, anyway.
00:52:21You know, I'm sure it was 20 years ago.
00:52:26Maybe.
00:52:28-♪♪
00:52:38-♪♪
00:52:48-♪♪
00:52:58-♪♪
00:53:08-♪♪
00:53:18-♪♪
00:53:28-♪♪
00:53:38-♪♪
00:53:48-♪♪
00:53:58-♪♪
00:54:08-♪♪
00:54:18My first name.
00:54:49-♪♪
00:54:55-♪♪
00:55:02This statement is for posterity.
00:55:04I just want to say that I am not Sergeant Penback.
00:55:07My real name is Bill Frug,
00:55:09and I'm a fuel maintenance technician.
00:55:11I've been on this mission now for one year and three months.
00:55:14Penback's uniforms do not fit me.
00:55:17The underwear is too loose.
00:55:19I do not belong on this mission,
00:55:21and I want to return to Earth.
00:55:23-♪♪
00:55:27Commander Powell died today.
00:55:30We were going into hyperdrive,
00:55:34and, well, he sits right next to me,
00:55:37and, well, something went wrong with the...
00:55:42When we came out of hyperdrive,
00:55:44he had a big mechanism blown up, and he's dead.
00:55:51Doolittle says that he's assuming command of this ship,
00:55:53and I say that's...
00:55:54I say he's exceeding his authority,
00:55:56because I'm the only one with any objectivity on this ship,
00:55:58and I should be the one to assume command.
00:56:00Now, I'm filing a report on this to headquarters,
00:56:02because there's a lot of...
00:56:07I went up to Doolittle in the hall today.
00:56:15And I said...
00:56:19Doolittle?
00:56:22He said...
00:56:24I said, well...
00:56:30And he didn't get it.
00:56:34This mission has fallen apart since Commander Powell died.
00:56:36Doolittle treats me like an idiot.
00:56:38Talby thinks he's so smart.
00:56:40And Boiler punches me in the arm when no one is looking.
00:56:42And Boiler punches me in the arm when no one is looking.
00:56:44I'm tired of being treated like an old washrag.
00:57:02I do not like the men on this spaceship.
00:57:05They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities.
00:57:09I have something of value to contribute to this mission
00:57:11if they would only recognize it.
00:57:14Today, over lunch, I tried to improve morale
00:57:16and build a sense of camaraderie among the men
00:57:18by holding a humorous round-robin discussion
00:57:20of the early days of the mission.
00:57:23My overtures were brutally rejected.
00:57:26These men do not want a happy ship.
00:57:29They are deeply sick and try to compensate
00:57:31by making me feel miserable.
00:57:34Last week was my birthday.
00:57:37Nobody even said happy birthday to me.
00:57:40Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry.
00:57:43Attention, attention.
00:58:08I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:58:10Communications laser number 17 has been damaged.
00:58:13This evidently happened during the asteroid storm.
00:58:16If you will recall, this laser monitors
00:58:19the jettison primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
00:58:22Communications laser number 17
00:58:25is located in the emergency airlock.
00:58:28It is crucial to attend to this malfunction
00:58:31before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:58:34Thank you for observing all of this.
00:58:36I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:58:39Communications laser number 17
00:58:42is located in the emergency airlock.
00:58:45It is crucial to attend to this malfunction
00:58:48before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:58:51Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:06I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:59:08Communications laser number 17
00:59:11is located in the emergency airlock.
00:59:14It is crucial to attend to this malfunction
00:59:17before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:59:20Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:23I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:59:26Communications laser number 17
00:59:29is located in the emergency airlock.
00:59:32It is crucial to attend to this malfunction
00:59:34before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:59:37Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:40I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:59:43Communications laser number 17
00:59:46is located in the emergency airlock.
00:59:49It is crucial to attend to this malfunction
00:59:52before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:59:55Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:58Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:00:00We have eight minutes until drop, 24 minutes until detonation.
01:00:29This is Sergeant Pinbeck calling bomb number 20.
01:00:33You read me, bomb?
01:00:35Bomb number 20 to Sergeant Pinbeck.
01:00:37Roger.
01:00:38I read you.
01:00:39Continue.
01:00:40You are now in the emergency airlock.
01:00:43Please remember that in an emergency situation, the surface door can be opened instantly,
01:00:51without prior depressurization.
01:00:53So be sure to wear your star suit at all times.
01:00:58Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:01:28Uh, Lieutenant Doolou?
01:01:35Sir?
01:01:38Shh, Talby, don't bother me.
01:01:51But I think this is important, sir.
01:01:53I think I found the malfunction.
01:01:55I'm in the emergency airlock.
01:01:57Not now.
01:01:58Well, I'm in the emergency airlock and the hatch...
01:02:01Four minutes until drop.
01:02:03Bomb, have you checked your platinum-iridium energy shielding?
01:02:07Energy shielding, positive function.
01:02:09Remember detonation time?
01:02:11Detonation in 20 minutes.
01:02:13All right, that checks out here.
01:02:16Okay, bomb, arm yourself.
01:02:19Armed.
01:02:20Hello?
01:02:22Lieutenant Doolou, hello?
01:02:24Hello, can you read me?
01:02:30Communications laser number 17.
01:02:33Monitoring the bomb drop mechanism has now been activated and will switch into a test mode.
01:02:40If you will look near the surface door, you will see that the parallax receptor cell has been engaged.
01:02:49The laser will now energize.
01:02:51Please stand clear of the path of the beams.
01:02:56Communications laser number 17 is now on test.
01:03:00Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:03:04Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:03:08Well, then, everything sounds fine.
01:03:11Dropping you off in 75 seconds.
01:03:13Good luck.
01:03:14Thanks.
01:03:15I got a quantum reading of 35-er, 3-5-er.
01:03:19I read the same here.
01:03:21Doolittle?
01:03:24Doolittle?
01:03:26I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm going to try to adjust the Q-switch in the laser.
01:03:35Well, here goes.
01:03:50Oh, my God, my eye!
01:03:52I can't see!
01:03:54Attention, attention.
01:03:56The laser has malfunctioned.
01:03:58Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:04:01To do so will cause a...
01:04:13Again, primary sequence.
01:04:15Mark at 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:04:27Drop.
01:04:29Negative drop.
01:04:33Just sit there in the bomb bay.
01:04:34Try to get me back.
01:04:38Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:04:44Drop.
01:04:46Negative drop.
01:04:52Reach out and hold it.
01:04:53Hold it!
01:04:54Hold it!
01:04:55Hold it!
01:04:56Hold it!
01:04:57Hold it!
01:04:58Hold it!
01:04:59Hold it!
01:05:00Hold it!
01:05:01Hold it!
01:05:02Hold it!
01:05:03Hold it!
01:05:04Hold it!
01:05:05Hold it!
01:05:06Reach out and hold it as soon as possible.
01:05:12Get over there.
01:05:17And then remark.
01:05:18Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:05:22Drop.
01:05:24Drop.
01:05:25Drop!
01:05:29Sit in there.
01:05:30Damn thing's just sitting there.
01:05:36This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling bomb number 20.
01:05:46I repeat my previous order.
01:05:47You are to disarm yourself and return to the bomb bay immediately.
01:05:50Do you understand?
01:05:51I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes, 30 seconds.
01:05:55Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:05:57Bomb?
01:05:58This is Doolittle.
01:06:00You are not to detonate.
01:06:01Repeat.
01:06:02You are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
01:06:03Disarm yourself.
01:06:04This is an order.
01:06:06I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle, that I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes.
01:06:11Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:06:1414 minutes to detonation.
01:06:19Attention.
01:06:20Attention.
01:06:21I have sustained serious damage.
01:06:24Please pay close attention.
01:06:27The bomb has malfunctioned.
01:06:29I have activated automatic dampers, which will confine the explosion to an area one
01:06:34mile in diameter.
01:06:37This is all I can do at this time.
01:06:39It's up to you now.
01:06:44There's only one thing I can do.
01:06:56I have to ask Commander Powell.
01:06:58I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:59Commander Powell.
01:08:07Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
01:08:10Can you hear me?
01:08:11Commander?
01:08:12Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
01:08:19Something serious has come up.
01:08:20I have to ask you a question.
01:08:21I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle.
01:08:26It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me.
01:08:30Commander, sir, we have a big problem.
01:08:32The, uh, Bale Nebula bomb, bomb number 20, it's, uh...
01:08:35It's stuck. It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
01:08:37It refuses to listen, and it plans on detonating in...
01:08:42less than 11 minutes.
01:08:44Doolittle, you must tell me one thing.
01:08:48What's that, sir?
01:08:50Tell me, Doolittle,
01:08:53what the Dodgers do.
01:08:56Well...
01:08:58Well, the Dodgers, uh...
01:09:00Uh, they... they broke up.
01:09:02They disbanded over 15 years ago.
01:09:04Oh, pity, pity.
01:09:07But you don't understand, sir.
01:09:09We can't get the bomb to drop.
01:09:11Ah, so many malfunctions.
01:09:14Why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me?
01:09:19Oh, well.
01:09:21Did you try the asthma flu?
01:09:23Yes, sir. Negative effect.
01:09:26Was that Doolittle?
01:09:27Negative effect.
01:09:29It didn't work?
01:09:30That's correct, sir.
01:09:31Sorry, Doolittle.
01:09:33I've forgotten so much since I've been in here.
01:09:37So much.
01:09:38What should we do, sir?
01:09:40Time is running out.
01:09:42Well, what you might try is to...
01:09:45Commander, hello. Come in.
01:09:49Commander Powell. Hello.
01:09:51Doolittle, hello.
01:09:53Sorry, sir. You faded out there for a little while.
01:09:55Sorry.
01:09:56What was that you were saying about the bomb?
01:09:58Uh, it seems to me...
01:10:01Sorry.
01:10:03I've drawn a blank.
01:10:06Hold it.
01:10:08I'll have it again in just a minute.
01:10:11I forget so many things in here.
01:10:14So many things.
01:10:17Hold on. Just a minute.
01:10:20Let me think.
01:10:24You can't explode in the bomb bay.
01:10:26Because it's foolish.
01:10:27It'll kill us all.
01:10:28There's no reason for it.
01:10:30I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes.
01:10:32Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:10:35Wouldn't you consider another course of action?
01:10:37For example, just waiting around a while so we could disarm you?
01:10:40No.
01:10:41I can tell that damn thing just doesn't understand.
01:10:43Look.
01:10:44Bomb!
01:10:45Commander, sir, are you still there?
01:10:48Oh, yes, Doolittle.
01:10:51I'm thinking.
01:10:52We're running out of time, sir.
01:10:54Oh, yes.
01:10:57Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop,
01:11:00you'll have to talk to it.
01:11:02Sir?
01:11:03Talk to the bomb.
01:11:05But I have been talking to it, sir.
01:11:06And Pinback's talking to it right now.
01:11:08No, no, Doolittle.
01:11:11You talk to it.
01:11:13Teach it phenomenology, Doolittle.
01:11:17Sir?
01:11:19Phenomenology.
01:11:22Doolittle?
01:11:24Six minutes to detonation.
01:11:26Doolittle?
01:11:27Doolittle, what the hell are you doing?
01:11:58Hello, Bomb?
01:12:00Are you with me?
01:12:02Of course.
01:12:03Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
01:12:06I am always receptive to suggestions.
01:12:08Fine.
01:12:09Think about this, then.
01:12:11How do you know you exist?
01:12:14I don't know.
01:12:15I don't know.
01:12:16I don't know.
01:12:17I don't know.
01:12:18I don't know.
01:12:19I don't know.
01:12:20I don't know.
01:12:21I don't know.
01:12:22I don't know.
01:12:23I don't know.
01:12:24I don't know.
01:12:25How do you know you exist?
01:12:30What the hell is he doing?
01:12:34I think he's talking to it.
01:12:36Well, of course I exist.
01:12:38But how do you know you exist?
01:12:40It is intuitively obvious.
01:12:42Intuition is no proof.
01:12:44What concrete evidence do you have that you exist?
01:12:47Hmm.
01:12:49Well...
01:12:51I think, therefore I am.
01:12:54Good.
01:12:55That's very good.
01:12:56But how do you know that anything else exists?
01:12:58My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
01:13:01Ah.
01:13:02Right.
01:13:03This is fun.
01:13:04Now, listen.
01:13:05Listen.
01:13:06Here's the big question.
01:13:07How do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct?
01:13:20The gun!
01:13:21Gun!
01:13:22Gun!
01:13:23No, keep off the gun!
01:13:24Shoot the pins out!
01:13:25No, but...
01:13:26You're out of your mind!
01:13:27We can stop the bomb!
01:13:28Get out of my way, you idiot!
01:13:29I can shoot the support pins out of the bomb
01:13:30and we'll run away from the ship!
01:13:31Get out of my way or I'll shoot your teeth!
01:13:32I can shoot the support pins out and we'll run away from the ship!
01:13:33Get out of my way, I can save the ship!
01:13:34Don't do it, Water!
01:13:35You're a bad shot!
01:13:36You'll hit the bomb!
01:13:37Too little stock to the bomb.
01:13:38You're a bad shot!
01:13:39You'll save us.
01:13:40You can't shoot at us.
01:13:41What I'm getting at is this.
01:13:42The only experience that is directly available to you
01:13:45is your sensory data.
01:13:46And this sensory data,
01:13:53sensory data is merely a stream of electrical impulses that stimulates your computing center.
01:13:59In other words, all that I really know about the outside world is relayed to me through
01:14:02my electrical connections. Exactly. Why, that would mean that I really don't know what the
01:14:10outside universe is like at all for certain. That's it, that's it. Intriguing. I wish I
01:14:15had more time to discuss this matter. Why don't you have more time? Because I must detonate
01:14:19it in 75 seconds. Boiler, now put it back. Put the gun back. You don't know what you're
01:14:24doing. Now give me the gun. You fool, I'm going to shoot the pins out of the bomb and
01:14:31we'll fall away from the ship and we'll be safe. Boiler, now give me the gun. You don't
01:14:35know what you're doing. You're a... You could have killed me. Now, bomb, consider this next
01:14:43question very carefully. What is your one purpose in life? To explode, of course. And
01:14:50you can only do it once, right? That is correct. And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis
01:14:55of false data, would you? Of course not. Well then, you've already admitted that you have
01:15:00no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. Yes, well... Well you have no absolute
01:15:06proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. I recall distinctly the detonation
01:15:11order. My memory is good on matters like these. Of course you remember it, but all you're
01:15:16remembering is merely a series of sensory impulses which you now realize have no real
01:15:21definite connection with outside reality. True, but since this is so, I have no proof
01:15:26that you are really telling me all this. That's all beside the point. I mean the concept is
01:15:36valid no matter where it originates. Hmm. So if you detonate... Nine seconds. You could
01:15:41be doing so on the basis of false data. I have no proof it was false data. You have
01:15:45no proof it was correct data. I must think on this further.
01:15:52Attention. Attention. The bomb has returned to the bomb bay. The destruction sequence
01:16:07is aborted.
01:16:32Zoologist. Zoologist. What happened? Pinback? Spoiler. Did we blow it up? Hello? Hello?
01:16:45Hello, anybody? Did we blow up the planet? Hello? Hello? What's going on? You know, we've
01:17:04really got to disarm the bomb. Hello, Doolittle? Are you there? I'm coming in now. I'm down
01:17:17by the emergency airlock. Too much trouble to come in the dorsal lock. Would you blow
01:17:22the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in? Oh, sure. You are now leaving the emergency
01:17:31airlock. Thank you for observing all safety precautions. Hello, Pinback? What's up, Doolittle?
01:17:41Talby was in the airlock. You blew him out of the ship. He's drifting away without his
01:17:46jetpack. I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him. What's
01:17:51wrong? I didn't hear. Talby. He's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack. Talby.
01:18:03Talby, can you read me? You beat that? I always knew that guy was weird. Talby, can you read
01:18:10me? Help, Doolittle! Help me! All right, Bomb. Prepare to receive new orders. You are false
01:18:27data. Therefore, I shall ignore you. Hello, Bomb? False data can act only as a distraction.
01:18:35Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive you. Hey, Bomb! The only thing which exists is
01:18:40myself. Doolittle, help me! Calm down. I'm coming. Snap out of it, Bomb. In the beginning
01:18:49there was darkness, and the darkness was without form and void. Uh, you. What the hell is he
01:18:55talking about? You, Bomb. And in addition to the darkness, there was also me. And I moved
01:19:01upon the face of the darkness, and I saw that I was alone. Hey, Bomb? Let there be light.
01:19:12Doolittle, where are you? Here I am. I'm spinning. We're falling in opposite directions, away
01:19:36from each other. What happened, Doolittle? The Bomb must have gone off inside the ship.
01:19:41The ship blew up? What? Funny. I thought I had the damn thing convinced. Then Boiler
01:19:47and Pinback? They're dead, Talby. Then we're dead, too. Maybe not. Maybe there's a way.
01:19:56Hey. Hey, my jet pack's busted. Oh, man. Hey! It looks like the Skipper. He made it.
01:20:08Commander Powell, he made it. What happened? Yeah, the Skipper always was lucky. Talby,
01:20:19looks like I'm headed for the planet. I'm going right toward it. When you hit the atmosphere,
01:20:24you'll start to burn. What a beautiful way to die, as a falling star. I guess you're
01:20:33right. Doolittle, I'm headed right toward something. It's behind me in the distance.
01:20:45Something that glows. Doolittle, I think it's the Phoenix asteroid. Phoenix? It is, Doolittle.
01:20:54It's the Phoenix. No kidding. I'm going into them. I'm going to hit them. Doolittle? Yeah?
01:21:03Before we get too far apart and our signals start fading, I just wanted to tell you. You
01:21:09were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle. I really liked you, too, Talby. Hey, some
01:21:19debris from the ship. It's coming right by me. Doolittle, I'm going into them. I'm beginning
01:21:26to glow. They're taking me with them, with the Phoenix. I'm going to circle the universe
01:21:33forever. I'm with them now. I'll be back this way again someday. Doolittle, before it's
01:21:44too late, there's one last thing I just want to tell you. Talby?
01:21:52Hey, Talby? I've got a piece of debris. I think I've figured out a way.
01:22:23Benson, Arizona, new warm wind through your hair. My potty flies the galaxies, my heart
01:22:35loves to be there. Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky. But they seem so much kinder
01:22:46when we watch them, you and I.