oe North is a cab driver in London, something that gives him many opportunities to have sex.Joe North is a cab driver in London, something that gives him many opportunities to have sex.Joe North is a cab driver in London, something that gives him many opportunities to have sex.
Release date: May 23, 1976
Duration: 01:29:00
Director: Stanley A. Long
Actors: Barry EvansJudy GeesonAdrienne Posta
Release date: May 23, 1976
Duration: 01:29:00
Director: Stanley A. Long
Actors: Barry EvansJudy GeesonAdrienne Posta
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30I'd like to take a ride with you
00:00:33Don't want to be tied to you
00:00:37I promise I'll try my very best
00:00:41To please you darling
00:00:44You know that there's more of me
00:00:48There's things you can share with me
00:00:51So take my tip
00:00:53And we could skip formalities
00:00:57Won't you be my cruisin' Casanova
00:01:02Click your fingers and I'll be over there
00:01:06Smoothin' your hair, smoothin' your cares away
00:01:11There's no profusin' Casanova
00:01:16Stop the clock and we're workin' overtime
00:01:20Cruisin' Casanova, be mine
00:01:25Taxi driver, love me
00:01:29Taxi driver
00:01:43Every major international city
00:01:45has that most popular means of transport
00:01:48The taxi
00:01:49That unique brand of conveyance
00:01:52Which combines efficiency with individuality
00:01:55Perhaps most popular for the personal service it provides
00:02:02Enthusiastic, hard-working, with never a moment's rest
00:02:06Probably the taxi driver's most lovable attribute
00:02:09is the warm welcome he is always eager to extend
00:02:13to foreign visitors
00:02:16The moment you hail a taxi
00:02:18you can be sure of being greeted by a friendly smile
00:02:21a concern for your well-being
00:02:23and someone at the wheel always ready to lend a helping hand
00:02:44There are at present literally millions of taxis
00:02:47operating throughout the world on a 24-hour basis
00:02:52Ensuring that at any time, day or night, within seconds
00:02:56you can be speeding happily away to the destination of your choice
00:03:02Renowned for their total lack of prejudice
00:03:05a taxi will stop for anybody
00:03:07irrespective of colour, class or creed
00:03:16Adored by the public for their whimsical charm
00:03:19and delightful disposition
00:03:21perhaps more than any other form of public transport
00:03:24the taxi driver holds a unique place in the hearts of the people
00:03:28Not least his fellow road users
00:03:30who appreciate to the full that quiet, courteous patience
00:03:34that affable, friendly manner
00:03:36that consideration for his fellow motorists
00:03:39with whom he is always ready to exchange a friendly wave
00:03:42and some merry little quip
00:03:45But possibly more than anything else to his credit
00:03:49the taxi driver bears the distinction of being a driver of knowledge
00:03:53experience and efficiency
00:03:55reassuring all who drive with him
00:03:57that the taxi is not only the safest vehicle on the road
00:04:00but holds the proud record for being involved in the least number of accidents
00:04:06Without a doubt, we the public owe much to these gallant knights of the road
00:04:12of whom it can truly be said
00:04:14everything we feel for them
00:04:17they feel for us
00:04:35That'll be seventy-five, Gav
00:04:45Thank you
00:04:50Thank you very much
00:04:52Well, you try smiling when you've been lumbered with a miserable tight-fisted git like him
00:04:57after you've fought through all the bleeding traffic
00:04:59and had him moaning on at you like it was all your fault
00:05:06Sorry about that
00:05:08Been a bit of a bad day, know what I mean?
00:05:10By the way, my name's Joe
00:05:12Well, with a name like that, I had to go in the cabbing business, didn't I?
00:05:15Been at it a year or so now
00:05:17Got me own cab
00:05:18Well, almost
00:05:19As soon as I finish paying for it
00:05:21Yeah, it's not such a bad job, really
00:05:23Hard work, but then so's anything these days
00:05:25Not that I mind
00:05:27Got me health and strength, know what I mean?
00:05:29Mind you, I'll be a lot happier when I get me own place
00:05:32Trouble is, you see, I live at home
00:05:34You need a bit of peace and quiet after doing this job
00:05:37And living at home, no joke, I can tell you
00:05:40Oh, yeah, makes a great start to the day
00:05:44Oh, come on, Mum, I'm late as it is
00:05:47Well, it's your own fault
00:05:49Coming in here last night, pissed us anew
00:05:51Crashing about all over the place and waking me up
00:05:54Lay off, Ma, will you?
00:05:56Do us a favour
00:05:57You're getting more like your father every day, you are
00:06:00And you're going to end up like him, mark my words
00:06:03And where were you last night?
00:06:05Out screwing some poor innocent little girl, I suppose
00:06:08Just like your father
00:06:10Don't make me laugh, you hardly knew him
00:06:12You only met him once
00:06:14Don't talk like that in front of the baby
00:06:16Woke her up and all, didn't he, my dear little pet?
00:06:21More consideration
00:06:23Twice I met him, twice
00:06:26Give me him!
00:06:28Mummy will give you something nicer than that to play with
00:06:31There's a good little girl
00:06:34Well, are you going to sit staring at that all day or are you going to eat it?
00:06:37I don't feel like eating, look, just give me a cup of tea, will you?
00:06:40Oh, I don't know why I bother, I really don't
00:06:43I mean, food is wasted just as though it costs nothing
00:06:46All right, all right
00:06:47Tell it's burning, porridge better smell
00:06:52Oh, it's all right, just at the bottom
00:06:54The top's all right
00:06:57I don't like porridge!
00:06:59Yes, you do, it's lovely
00:07:01It's porridge, porridge, porridge!
00:07:03Shut up!
00:07:05Now look what you've done
00:07:07You know it makes her cry
00:07:09All right, I'll give up, that's it, bloody hell
00:07:11I'm late as it is
00:07:13Where's me fares, good man?
00:07:14Oh, in the cupboard
00:07:20Oh, my God, that little tyke's been thieving again, hasn't he?
00:07:25Where is he?
00:07:26Peter, come in here!
00:07:28Peter!
00:07:29And he's like his father and all
00:07:31Wind up in the same cell with him, I shouldn't wonder, the way he's carrying on
00:07:35Peter!
00:07:36How am I supposed to get to sleep in all this racket, yeah?
00:07:39So, where's the fire then?
00:07:40Over here, come here
00:07:42Look, what have you got to say about all this lot then?
00:07:45Good gear, isn't it?
00:07:46I mean, it's not rubbish, is it?
00:07:48You said you got a proper job
00:07:50Well, I have
00:07:51I mean, I'm doing it proper now, aren't I?
00:07:53Been working very hard at it and all
00:07:55I've got a sharp little organisation together
00:07:57You're going to get us all into trouble one of these days
00:07:59I mean, anyone could just walk in
00:08:01Yeah, and all that lot lying there
00:08:03Not to mention 20 cartons of hairspray I found hidden under me bed
00:08:07Fell off the back of a lorry, didn't they, Mum?
00:08:09You're going to end up in the nick with ten years ahead of you
00:08:11Peter's going in the nick! Peter's going in the nick!
00:08:14Why can't you get an honest job for once?
00:08:16What, like driving a cab?
00:08:18Leave off
00:08:19Anyway, that's no more than bleeding highway robbery
00:08:21So what are you doing, telling me to go straight?
00:08:23Oh, choice! I like that
00:08:27Just don't ask me to bail you out, that's all
00:08:32It's your funeral
00:08:47What did I tell you, eh? It's always like that
00:08:49Makes it a pleasure going to work in the morning
00:08:57I tell you what would cheer me up, is to pick up a nice bit of crumpet
00:09:00Very handy for introductions, this motor
00:09:02Very handy for introductions, this motor
00:09:32Think it on, Mum, with me, forget the rest
00:09:36I'd like to test your driving style
00:09:40Won't you be my
00:09:42Cousin
00:09:44Casanova
00:09:46Click your fingers and I'll be over there
00:09:50Smoothing your hair, soothing your cares away
00:09:55There's no refusing
00:09:58Casanova
00:10:00Stop the clock and we're working overtime
00:10:04Cruising Casanova
00:10:06Be my
00:10:08Casanova
00:10:16Where to, darling?
00:10:17Lambeth Bridge, please
00:10:19Right you are, then
00:10:31Nice morning, innit? You off to work, then?
00:10:34Yeah, I thought so, I can usually tell
00:10:37Ah, being in this job, you have to be a bit of a psychologist
00:10:40What do you do for a living, eh? Now don't tell me, let me guess
00:10:43I'd say you're a secretary, right?
00:10:46Personal secretary to some oil magnate, eh?
00:10:49Really high-powered
00:10:51Don't let appearances fool you
00:10:53You'll be a right little ray for this one when it gets going
00:10:55Got a lovely little body on her, too
00:10:57No mistake
00:10:59Looks a bit miserable, though
00:11:01I know what she needs, right?
00:11:03That's another thing I can tell
00:11:05Whether a bird's had a good seeing to or not the night before
00:11:09I reckon that one's had a right thin time of it lately, don't you?
00:11:13Born in London, were you? Now don't tell me, let me guess
00:11:16I'd say, judging from your accent, that you're from somewhere up north, right?
00:11:20Yes, I can usually tell
00:11:22Somewhere like Liverpool, maybe
00:11:25Yeah, Liverpool, I'd say
00:11:28She's weakling, what did I tell you, eh?
00:11:30Oh, yes, definitely softening up
00:11:32Stands out a mile
00:11:34Which side of the bridge, love?
00:11:36The middle
00:11:37The middle? Right then, middle it is
00:11:52That'll be, um...
00:11:53Here, hang on
00:11:54Hey, hang on a minute, darling
00:11:56What about my fare?
00:12:08Go away and leave me alone, please
00:12:10Just leave me alone
00:12:11But I never laid a finger on you
00:12:13What's the matter with you?
00:12:14Jesus Christ, I only want me bleeding fare
00:12:16Look, if you haven't got it, there's no need to panic
00:12:18I mean it, don't come any closer
00:12:20All right, all right, I'm going, I'm going
00:12:22You don't care, do you?
00:12:24Nobody cares
00:12:25Eh?
00:12:26No one will even notice I'm dead
00:12:27All right then, if that's the way it is, I'll jump now
00:12:30Oh, my God
00:12:31Don't try and stop me, it's too late
00:12:33My mind's made up
00:12:35No, wait, don't do it
00:12:37Pain, the suffering will only end when the icy waters close over me
00:12:41Carry me away into oblivion
00:12:43Funny bird
00:12:44Dreamless sleep of eternity
00:12:46Darling, why don't you tell me about it?
00:12:47I mean, I don't pretend to understand, I've only just met you, haven't I?
00:12:50But you know what they say, right?
00:12:51A trouble shared is a trouble aft
00:12:53And all I can say is, well, it seems to me a terrible waste
00:12:55A beautiful girl like you trying to do away with herself
00:12:58What do you say, eh?
00:12:59I mean, nothing's ever that bad, really
00:13:01Not when you come down to it
00:13:02It's too late for talking now
00:13:04Oh, please, darling, try, eh?
00:13:06I'm all alone in the world
00:13:08No one loves me, no one cares
00:13:10You don't know what it's like to be left alone
00:13:12Unloved, unwanted
00:13:14Hold on, I don't believe it
00:13:16A beautiful girl like you and no one wants to know
00:13:18Listen, I could love you
00:13:20I mean, the first time I saw you, I said to myself
00:13:22Now there's a girl I could really love
00:13:24There was a man, once
00:13:26I thought he loved me
00:13:28Oh, Ronald, Ronald
00:13:29Watch yourself, you fool
00:13:31He's never coming back
00:13:32I'll never see him again, never
00:13:33I want to die
00:13:34I can't face life without him
00:13:36Oh, Ronald, Ronald
00:13:40Phew
00:13:41I can't even kill myself properly
00:13:43I'm a failure at everything
00:13:45No, you just need cheering up, that's all
00:13:47Look, you've had a nasty shock, right?
00:13:49Why don't I take you home, eh?
00:13:51Where do you live?
00:13:52Do you really think I'll ever be able to forget Ronald?
00:13:54Of course you will, with a bit of help
00:13:56I need love, you see, that's what I need
00:13:58Lots of loving
00:14:00Well, I did just save her life, didn't I?
00:14:03I mean, the way I look at it, it's an offer I can't refuse
00:14:06And strong arms, strong arms to hold me
00:14:08Hold you?
00:14:09It's like trying to undress a bloody octopus
00:14:11I don't want you to think I'm promiscuous
00:14:13just because you caught me at a weak moment
00:14:15Oh, I don't, I don't
00:14:17Look, just lift up a bit, will you?
00:14:19It's just that without Ronald I feel so helpless
00:14:21Oh, I don't know, you seem to be doing all right
00:14:23I wish he was here right now so he could see
00:14:25Oh, I don't
00:14:28Linda!
00:14:29It's Ronald
00:14:31Ronald?
00:14:35Oh
00:14:36You got it all wrong, mate
00:14:37It's not like that at all
00:14:39I mean, I've just brought her back in my cab, you see
00:14:41And you're just collecting the fare, that right?
00:14:43Yeah, no
00:14:44You mustn't get it wrong
00:14:47I didn't dare leave her
00:14:49She was going to do herself in
00:14:51Throw herself off Lambeth Bridge
00:14:53Well, that makes a change
00:14:55Let's see, what's the score now?
00:14:57Westminster twice, Blackfriars, London Bridge, Tower Bridge
00:15:00And that's only in the last few months
00:15:02Well, how was I supposed to know?
00:15:03I mean, she was in a terrible state
00:15:05Said you'd left her
00:15:06And you did
00:15:07You just walked out without saying goodbye
00:15:08And you slammed the door
00:15:09Cover yourself up, will you?
00:15:10That's typical, that is
00:15:12Most of the time you want me to uncover myself
00:15:14That's different, that's when I'm with you
00:15:15Well, you're with me now
00:15:16So what's different?
00:15:17Admit it
00:15:18You only want me for my body
00:15:19Oh, Linda, don't be so ridiculous
00:15:20I'm not being
00:15:21You think you can treat me how you like
00:15:22As if I've got no feelings
00:15:24Now, you know that's not true
00:15:25Oh, calling me a liar are you now?
00:15:27Not content with only wanting me for my body
00:15:28I'm a liar as well
00:15:29I didn't say that
00:15:30Um, excuse me
00:15:31I knew it
00:15:32I just knew it
00:15:33You don't love me anymore
00:15:34Of course I do
00:15:35You wouldn't say such things if you did
00:15:37Look, I don't want to interrupt anything
00:15:38Look, if I didn't love you
00:15:39How the hell could I have put up with you?
00:15:40How the hell could I have put up with you for so long?
00:15:41I said, I don't want to interrupt
00:15:42Look, don't just mind your own business
00:15:43Keep your nose out of this, mate
00:15:44I've got to go to work sometimes, you know
00:15:46Without you thinking I'm leaving you
00:15:47And threatening to commit suicide
00:15:49You drive me to it
00:15:50You're so
00:15:51You're so cruel to me, thank you
00:15:53Oh, don't be so stupid
00:15:54You're sick, that's your trouble
00:15:56Oh, yes
00:15:57That's always your attitude
00:15:58You never think
00:15:59And you still haven't remembered
00:16:01Remembered what, for heaven's sake?
00:16:03It's my birthday
00:16:05So what's important about a birthday?
00:16:06It's very important
00:16:07You have one every year
00:16:08Come on, you've got a
00:16:10It's very important to have a birthday
00:16:22It's going to be one of those days
00:16:24I just know it
00:16:28I'd like to take her out
00:16:29And push her under a bus
00:16:30Don't you talk about your little sister like that
00:16:33I won't have it
00:16:34Sister?
00:16:35She's not even human
00:16:37Look at that lot
00:16:38A bleeding tan of soap powder ruined
00:16:40Do you know how much money she's lost me?
00:16:42And when I'd done a deal on it
00:16:44Knocked myself out and set it up
00:16:46Well, no one asked you to bring it in here, did they?
00:16:48Cluttering up my kitchen
00:16:49Well, I want it out
00:16:51Just get rid of it
00:16:52Do you hear me?
00:16:53Oh, yeah
00:16:54Now, what am I supposed to say?
00:16:55Like, listen, mate
00:16:56About that soap powder
00:16:58I did have it, see
00:16:59But it sort of vanished
00:17:00Sorry about that
00:17:01Or how about my little sister
00:17:02Decided to decorate the house with it
00:17:04Oh, they're going to love that
00:17:06After they've picked themselves up
00:17:07Off the bloody floor laughing, of course
00:17:08Joe, Joe
00:17:09You just tell him, will you?
00:17:10Just tell him to get rid of it
00:17:12No, no
00:17:13I've had as much as I can take
00:17:14I washed my hands of the whole bleeding lot of you
00:17:16That's it, as far as I'm concerned
00:17:19Why don't you get rid of the stuff you've already got
00:17:21Before you bring more in?
00:17:23It's getting so
00:17:24That I can't even move around me own house
00:17:26What's all that gear doing in my bedroom?
00:17:28I'll bring her bloody little neck so up me, I will
00:17:30Heda
00:17:31Little monster ought to have been put down at birth
00:17:33What?
00:17:34Heda
00:17:35What?
00:17:36What? I want to know what all that...
00:17:38Oh, never mind, forget it
00:17:41And where do you think you're going, Sonny Jim?
00:17:44I've got a nice little job for you
00:17:46First, dump it
00:17:49Oh, Ma, where?
00:17:51That is your problem, not mine
00:17:54And mind you, bring that bucket back
00:17:58Where do you think you're going with that?
00:18:00I told you, I'm leaving
00:18:01Oh, I see, just walking out and leaving me to cope
00:18:04A fine son you turned out to be
00:18:07Just like your father, whoever he was
00:18:10Here, what am I supposed to tell Carol when she comes?
00:18:13Well, you can tell her to...
00:18:15Hello, love
00:18:16Hello, love
00:18:17Carol, be steady
00:18:18Bit of a drag
00:18:19Got wedding bells in her ears
00:18:21I'm sorry
00:18:22I'm sorry
00:18:23I'm sorry
00:18:24I'm sorry
00:18:25I'm sorry
00:18:26Got wedding bells in her ears
00:18:27What are you doing with that, then?
00:18:29He's clearing off
00:18:31Walking out on his responsibilities
00:18:33That's what he's doing
00:18:34Oh, no
00:18:35No, I'm sure Joe wouldn't do a thing like that without telling me, would you, Joe?
00:18:38Yes, I would
00:18:39I've had enough
00:18:40I'm clearing out
00:18:41I've had enough
00:18:43Oh
00:18:44Oh
00:18:45I expect I'll see you later, then
00:18:47Joe?
00:18:48Joe?
00:18:49Joe Knowles, you come here
00:18:51Come here
00:18:52Do I comprehend the situation correctly?
00:18:55Are you leaving home?
00:18:56Dead right
00:18:57Without a word to me or even a bye or leave?
00:19:00It's got nothing to do with you
00:19:02You mean it's got nothing to do with me?
00:19:04I happen to be your fiancée
00:19:06And fiancées have a right to know these things
00:19:08So where are you going?
00:19:09I don't know
00:19:10What do you mean you don't know?
00:19:12Well, I just told you I don't know
00:19:14You can't just leave home and not know where you're going
00:19:16Well, as soon as I find somewhere, I'll get in touch, all right?
00:19:19Well, when's that, then?
00:19:21How should I know tonight, tomorrow, as soon as I'm settled in?
00:19:24You're not going to take me out tonight?
00:19:25How can I? I don't know where I'll be
00:19:27Gone with the wind
00:19:29What?
00:19:30That's what you were supposed to take me to
00:19:32Gone with the wind
00:19:33Oh, come on, you must have seen it ten times
00:19:35Eleven
00:19:36What with that and Lady and the Tramp every year at Christmas
00:19:38It's enough to drive anyone up the wall
00:19:40Well, you don't have to come
00:19:41I mean, nobody's forcing you to
00:19:43I mean, you don't have to care if I'm on my own
00:19:45Probably being molested in the back row
00:19:47Oh, come on, who's going to molest you?
00:19:49Lots of people, if I let them
00:19:51Anyway, you always do
00:19:53Yeah, well, I've got to find something to do, haven't I?
00:19:55Gone with the wind, it's a long film
00:19:56Well, if you won't take me to the pictures
00:19:58Why can't I come with you and help you find somewhere to stay?
00:20:01Carol, I'll be all right
00:20:03Supposing you're moving in with another woman?
00:20:06Oh, leave off, Carol
00:20:08Well, how am I supposed to know?
00:20:10Look, I'll ring you, all right?
00:20:12You see, if you would have told me you were leaving home
00:20:14I could have done the same
00:20:16And then we could have moved in together
00:20:18And got married before I originally planned
00:20:20Yeah, well, I'll ring you
00:20:22See, if you wouldn't mind hanging about for a bit
00:20:24I could belt home and start packing straight away
00:20:26I know, look, um...
00:20:2820 minutes, 15 at the outside if you took me back ahead
00:20:30Carol, I haven't got time for all this
00:20:37What is the matter?
00:20:38Do you not want to live with me anymore?
00:20:40Course I do, it's nothing to do with that
00:20:42Well, you wouldn't think so the way you go on about it
00:20:44You know, you'll have to get used to it once we're married
00:20:47Look, what's up with you?
00:20:48Don't you trust me or something?
00:20:50Quite frankly, no
00:20:51Charming
00:20:52Well, it's just that I don't like to think of you being unfaithful
00:20:55Especially as I spent all my savings last week buying my engagement ring
00:20:59Have I ever been unfaithful to you?
00:21:01No
00:21:02Have you ever caught me with another woman?
00:21:04No
00:21:05Have you ever caught me, when I've been out with you, even looking at another woman?
00:21:10No
00:21:11Well, there you are then
00:21:12You've got nothing to worry about, have you?
00:21:15That is besides the point
00:21:17Remember, a penny saved is a penny not spent
00:21:22What are you going on about?
00:21:24Do not put all your balls in one basket
00:21:27That is what I'm trying to say
00:21:29You see, if I caught you reclining in the embrace of another woman
00:21:34Do you know what I would do?
00:21:36I would chop it off
00:21:39Look, you can trust me
00:21:41As soon as I find somewhere, I'll ring you, alright?
00:21:44Well, I thought I was coming with you
00:21:46What?
00:21:47Well, that's what we agreed
00:21:49Yeah, well look, you go home and pack your things
00:21:52Yeah
00:21:53And then as soon as I find somewhere
00:21:54Yeah
00:21:55I'll see you later
00:22:00I haven't finished yet
00:22:17Tom, Tom, you about?
00:22:20With you in a minute
00:22:25Joe, how are things?
00:22:27Oh, not so bad
00:22:28Er, mind if I carry on?
00:22:30Busy, I see
00:22:31Ah, not bad
00:22:33Still got your picture gallery then?
00:22:35You dirty old bastard
00:22:38Well, I'll see you later
00:22:39Yeah, see you later
00:22:40Bye
00:22:41Bye
00:22:42Bye
00:22:43Bye
00:22:44Bye
00:22:45You dirty old bastard
00:22:47Make good dartboards
00:22:48Should see how my aim's improved
00:22:50Here, pass that grease gun, will you?
00:22:54So
00:22:56How's the cab business then?
00:22:58Oh, mustn't grumble
00:23:03Thing is, I er
00:23:05I did want to ask you a favour, mate
00:23:08Oh yeah
00:23:09Yeah, er
00:23:11You know that flat you've got upstairs?
00:23:13Yeah, what about it?
00:23:15Well, it's got two bedrooms, right?
00:23:17Just about, yeah
00:23:18Yeah, well, I've got this problem, see
00:23:20Like, I've got to find somewhere to live
00:23:22And er, well, seeing as how we're mates
00:23:24I mean, I'd help towards the rent and that
00:23:26Listen, Joe, any time
00:23:28You know that
00:23:29Unfortunately, it's not that simple
00:23:31I mean, if you'd asked me a couple of weeks ago, no problem
00:23:33But the trouble is, I've got a lady living with me at the moment
00:23:35Don't tell me you need two beds
00:23:37You must be slipping
00:23:38No, no, no, it's not that
00:23:40Look, Joe, I'll be straight with you
00:23:42You know women
00:23:43You never know how they'll react
00:23:44I mean, well, Nicky's a nice lady, but
00:23:46Well, she does work odd hours
00:23:48Yeah?
00:23:49Has its advantages, I suppose
00:23:51Yeah, well, I wouldn't ask
00:23:52Er, if I wasn't really desperate
00:23:54Just till I get something else fixed up
00:23:56All right, all right
00:23:57Just for a couple of weeks
00:23:58Till you find somewhere
00:23:59Yeah
00:24:00Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?
00:24:03Hello, talk of the devil
00:24:06I'll say this for Tom
00:24:07He certainly knows how to pick them
00:24:08I mean, he's obviously a bit of class
00:24:10Probably an air hose test or something like that
00:24:12This is Nicky
00:24:13She's a stripper
00:24:15Well, it can't always be right, can you?
00:24:17Joe's coming to stay with us for a while
00:24:20Oh, nice
00:24:21When?
00:24:22How about now?
00:24:23You weren't kidding, were you?
00:24:26Well, I don't believe in hanging about
00:24:27Once me mind's made up
00:24:28You, er
00:24:30Planning on staying long, then?
00:24:32Well, just till I get myself sorted out
00:24:34Find a nice little place to live
00:24:36Oh, if you hear of anywhere that's going
00:24:38Not too expensive
00:24:39Oh, yeah, sure
00:24:41She fancies me
00:24:42I can tell
00:24:43I could pull this one
00:24:44Dead easy, no problem
00:24:46I expect you're like me
00:24:48Work odd hours
00:24:50Yeah, I do a bit
00:24:52I suppose that means we won't
00:24:54See a lot of each other, then
00:24:56If I see a quick one before I go
00:25:00Oh, er
00:25:01No, thanks
00:25:02Better get out and earn some money
00:25:04Like me to drop you off?
00:25:05Oh, yeah, great
00:25:07Save me getting a cab
00:25:09Yeah, I could definitely make it with her
00:25:11But I think I'd better put in a bit of hard graft
00:25:13Earn myself some money
00:25:14Yes, that's what I'm going to concentrate on for a bit
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00:30:00You get to my age, you've done it all, haven't you?
00:30:02I'll get to your age, I'll need to have done it.
00:30:04Ah, get lost, mate.
00:30:06You reckon that's all there is to this job, don't you?
00:30:08Pulling birds.
00:30:10What do you reckon it's all about, then?
00:30:12You're all the bloody same.
00:30:14Out on the road for a couple of years, think you know it all?
00:30:16You'll find out.
00:30:18How's that dreadful brother of yours?
00:30:20What, Peter? Dreadful?
00:30:24What do you fancy, then?
00:30:26What do you think? Give us a dog roll, will you?
00:30:28Dog roll?
00:30:30He's going to get done one of these days, the way he carries on.
00:30:32More than likely. Still, I shan't be there to see it.
00:30:34Moved out. Couldn't stand it any longer.
00:30:36I'm on my own place now.
00:30:38Moved in with Carol, have you?
00:30:40Not bloody likely.
00:30:42Yeah? When are you going to invite me round, then?
00:30:44Any time you like, darling.
00:30:46Well, I'm free tonight.
00:30:48Funny you should say that. So am I.
00:30:50Pick you up about seven, all right?
00:30:52All right.
00:30:54Hooray!
00:30:58Thank you.
00:31:06Joe, if I let you,
00:31:08you know,
00:31:10you wouldn't think me cheap, would you?
00:31:12Cheap?
00:31:14No, course not.
00:31:16Drinking double gins all evening?
00:31:18Course not.
00:31:20It's being emotionally honest.
00:31:22What could be wrong with that?
00:31:24Sigh, it's with a fabulous figure like you got.
00:31:26Tell me not to hide it away now, wouldn't it?
00:31:32I'll tell you something.
00:31:34You've got the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen.
00:31:36Have I?
00:31:38I have dreams about them.
00:31:40You don't? Really?
00:31:50I'll tell you something else, too.
00:31:52They're even better with nothing on.
00:31:56Oh.
00:32:20Oh, Joe.
00:32:26Oh.
00:32:28Oh.
00:32:30Oh.
00:32:32Oh.
00:32:34Oh.
00:32:36Oh.
00:32:38Oh, Joe.
00:32:40Oh, darling, you're fantastic.
00:32:44But I haven't even got me trousers off yet.
00:32:46Oh.
00:32:48Joe.
00:32:50Oh!
00:32:56Oh!
00:33:16What a scene that was last night.
00:33:18Makes you wonder whether it's all worthwhile, doesn't it?
00:33:20Just got to deliver this parcel.
00:33:22Should be fairly straightforward.
00:33:24I don't think I can take any more excitement. Not for a while.
00:33:36Mrs de Villabalca. Parcel for you.
00:33:40Oh, hmm. Bring it in, would you?
00:33:44Oh, if you'd just like to pop it down over there. I daren't touch it, you see. It's my nails.
00:33:56It's your what, love?
00:33:58Nails. Tropical green, number three.
00:34:02Very exotic.
00:34:04The second they're dry, I'll be able to pay you, only I just daren't touch anything while they're like this.
00:34:08No, it's all right. You just stand there and dry off. I'm in no hurry.
00:34:12Oh, you wouldn't like a drink while you're waiting, would you?
00:34:15No, thanks. I'm driving. But thanks all the same.
00:34:17Oh, not even a cold beer, something like that?
00:34:20Well, I wouldn't mind a beer, actually.
00:34:22Oh, do help yourself.
00:34:29Actually, darling, you couldn't do me a large Campari and soda, could you, while you're there?
00:34:34Yeah. A large one.
00:34:37Yes, please.
00:34:40Say when.
00:34:42I never do.
00:34:48Oh, be an angel, would you, and just slip it between my lips.
00:34:53Oh, the glass. Yes, of course.
00:34:59Sorry to put you to all this inconvenience.
00:35:02Don't mention it.
00:35:03It's just I always seem to get caught out when someone arrives.
00:35:06Yesterday, it was the television repairman.
00:35:09The day before, it was the plumber.
00:35:11And as for the window cleaner, well, every time he comes now, I seem to be in the bath.
00:35:16I see.
00:35:18Oh, you wouldn't be an angel, would you, and undo it for me.
00:35:24It's for a dinner tonight.
00:35:26My husband's in cement.
00:35:28Oh, must be uncomfortable for him.
00:35:30It's a presentation dinner, you see.
00:35:32So, I thought I'd wear green to go with my nail varnish.
00:35:36Very nice.
00:35:38Seems to be all right now.
00:35:40You're not in a rush, are you?
00:35:42It's just I'd like to try it on to make sure it fits.
00:35:46No, no, of course not.
00:35:48Oh, good.
00:35:56Chunk half this, innit?
00:35:58Must cost a packet.
00:36:00I bet she does and all.
00:36:02Make yourself at home, won't you?
00:36:04I shan't be long.
00:36:06What about her, then?
00:36:08Bit of all right?
00:36:10Shan't be long. My husband's in cement.
00:36:12Bloody hell.
00:36:25Have you lost something?
00:36:29Balls.
00:36:31They fell off.
00:36:33Never mind.
00:36:35You couldn't give me a hand with a zip, could you?
00:36:38It seems to be stuck and I don't want to break a nail on it.
00:36:41These birds and their zips.
00:36:44Jesus.
00:36:46It's a bit stiff.
00:36:48It won't be the only thing if she carries on like this.
00:36:51Yeah, see what you mean? It is stuck, isn't it?
00:36:54Maybe if you pull it.
00:36:56That had crossed my mind.
00:36:58Have you done it?
00:37:00Yeah, I think so.
00:37:02Seems a bit loose.
00:37:04Look at that. Just look at it.
00:37:06Just so typical of today's workmanship.
00:37:08That's the last dress I shall buy from there.
00:37:10Yeah, disgraceful.
00:37:12Now, what shall I do?
00:37:20Well, it was the only thing I could think of, wasn't it?
00:37:26I don't know.
00:37:56MUSIC PLAYS
00:38:16Another satisfied customer.
00:38:18And the dress did fit, after all.
00:38:20Six pou...
00:38:22I suppose I can't really ask her to be fair now.
00:38:26ENGINE ROARS
00:38:46Promise that Nicky I'll pick her up from the club.
00:38:49Mustn't be late, in case she sets that snake on to me.
00:38:52This is the one, I think.
00:38:55ENGINE ROARS
00:39:15MUSIC PLAYS
00:39:17How about it, then, guys?
00:39:19Twelve beautiful girls do everything.
00:39:21All naked, and they dance.
00:39:23Oh, gee.
00:39:25Hey, where do you think you're going?
00:39:27Inside.
00:39:28Not without pay, no?
00:39:29Oh, I'm not going in. Not to see the show.
00:39:31I'm just picking up Nicky, that's all.
00:39:33Yeah, you and a few others.
00:39:35No, honest, I'm a cab driver. Look, my cab's just outside.
00:39:38Yeah, it could be anyone's.
00:39:40Look, if you think we're all going to go and admit cheer without paying,
00:39:42you've got another thing coming here.
00:39:44I'm telling you, I'm only here to collect Nicky.
00:39:46I mean, do us a favour, mate. I'll give you my licence number, if you like.
00:39:48You can check it.
00:39:50All the taxi drivers are out here, mate. I don't know your face.
00:39:52Well, that's cos I don't normally do this patch.
00:39:54I'm only here to collect Nicky.
00:39:56I live in the same flat as her, see?
00:40:00Well, look, the one who went to bed with Monty.
00:40:02HE SOBS
00:40:06Oh, no, my accident, was it, or did you need the help?
00:40:09HE SOBS
00:40:21HE SIGHS
00:40:26Sorry, mate.
00:40:51HE SIGHS
00:40:58Joe, would you mind hanging on just a minute?
00:41:00I've just got to nick back and get Monty.
00:41:02No rush. OK.
00:41:20HE SIGHS
00:41:38OK? What?
00:41:40Are you coming or not?
00:41:42Well, if you're not quite ready, I don't mind.
00:41:51That's Helga.
00:41:53Oh?
00:41:55You can put your eyeballs back in.
00:41:57I've invited her for supper tonight.
00:41:59Foreign, is she?
00:42:01No.
00:42:03She's a nun from Scunthorpe.
00:42:05Come on.
00:42:11It was lovely, Nicky.
00:42:13Mm.
00:42:15Oh, it was nothing special.
00:42:17I enjoyed it. Now what?
00:42:19I'm going to the fridge.
00:42:21What shall we do now?
00:42:23You decide.
00:42:25Why don't we play a game?
00:42:27What about strip poker?
00:42:29Oh, come on, it might be fun.
00:42:31What do you say, Tom?
00:42:33No, he doesn't want to play.
00:42:35Oh, come on, just for a giggle.
00:42:37Got any cards?
00:42:39Cards? Er, no.
00:42:43Well, how about spilling the bottle instead?
00:42:46OK.
00:42:50Well, I think I'll read my book.
00:42:53You can always play strip Ouija board, if you prefer.
00:42:55Ouija board?
00:42:57And a spinner bottle.
00:43:15OK.
00:43:45Oh, come on.
00:44:15Er...
00:44:17I'll get it.
00:44:25Where's Joe? I came to see him.
00:44:27Oh, er, he's not in, he's out.
00:44:29No, his taxi's here.
00:44:31It's all right, he's expected to be here.
00:44:33I'll get it.
00:44:35I'll get it.
00:44:37I'll get it.
00:44:39I'll get it.
00:44:41I'll get it.
00:44:43His taxi's here.
00:44:45It's all right, he's expecting me.
00:44:53Hello.
00:44:55I'm Carol. Carol Hotchkiss.
00:44:57Joe's fiancée.
00:44:59I expect you've spoken of me.
00:45:01Which is his room? That one?
00:45:03Thank you, dear.
00:45:09Carol, listen.
00:45:11I can explain.
00:45:19It's the third house along, on the right.
00:45:21Number 42.
00:45:23Right you are.
00:45:25Do you want a hand with those?
00:45:27Would you? Oh, thank you.
00:45:41Thank you.
00:45:49You can just put them down here.
00:45:51Oh, that's all right. I don't mind carrying them in for you.
00:45:53That's very kind of you.
00:46:03I can't find my key.
00:46:05Are you sure? Perhaps it's in your bag loose.
00:46:07I'll try.
00:46:11It's not there.
00:46:13What about pockets?
00:46:15I haven't got any.
00:46:17What am I going to do?
00:46:19Perhaps you could go to a neighbour's.
00:46:21Till your husband gets home.
00:46:23He's away on a business trip.
00:46:25I can't even get hold of him.
00:46:27Don't you have a spare somewhere?
00:46:29Yes, of course.
00:46:31It's inside.
00:46:33I thought you might have one under a flowerpot or something.
00:46:35Harold. That's my husband.
00:46:37Harold's nervous about birth.
00:46:39Very well, but how do I get in?
00:46:41I could try to climb in, I suppose.
00:46:43But you have to help me.
00:46:45You will, won't you?
00:46:47I can't leave a lady in distress, can I?
00:46:51Let's see if there's a window open somewhere.
00:46:53Oh, there won't be one of those.
00:47:09Oh, there won't be one of those.
00:47:39Thank you.
00:47:51You will be careful, won't you?
00:47:53Safe as houses, darling.
00:48:05Are you all right?
00:48:07What's happened?
00:48:09Are you all right?
00:48:11Say something to me!
00:48:15What's happening up there?
00:48:19I didn't know what had happened to you.
00:48:21I called and called, but you didn't answer.
00:48:23Are you all right?
00:48:25Yeah, I think so.
00:48:27Look, you go down and I'll open the front door.
00:48:29I can't. I'm stuck.
00:48:31What do you mean, stuck?
00:48:33Just go back down the way you came.
00:48:35I'll fall. I'm frightened of heights.
00:48:37Look, it's quite simple.
00:48:39If you can't go down, you'd better come on up.
00:48:41I can't move. I'm scared.
00:48:43All right, then. Go back down the way you came.
00:48:45Help me.
00:48:47All right. Now, don't panic.
00:48:49You're quite safe. Just do as I say, OK?
00:48:51Now, put one hand on the next rung up.
00:48:53Go on, one more.
00:48:55Now the other one.
00:48:57Keep going. You're OK.
00:48:59I'm watching you. Up a bit.
00:49:01No, down just a little.
00:49:03Now in towards the wall. That's it.
00:49:05Go on. You're doing fine.
00:49:07Come on.
00:49:09It's all right. You're nearly there.
00:49:11That's it. Now give me a hand.
00:49:13Lovely.
00:49:15I can't.
00:49:17You're doing wonderful.
00:49:19There you go.
00:49:21You're there. And through the window.
00:49:27Oh, you're all wet.
00:49:29Oh, I should have warned you.
00:49:31I'm sorry. I completely forgot.
00:49:33And, of course, that's why I left the window open.
00:49:35Let the smell of paint out.
00:49:37Oh, and look at your clothes.
00:49:39They're covered in it.
00:49:41You have to let me wash them for you.
00:49:43You can't go out like that.
00:49:45Oh, well, that's very nice of you to offer.
00:49:47Well, I think the least I can do is clean your clothes
00:49:49and give you a bath, don't you?
00:49:55I do like hearing lovely ones, don't you?
00:49:57Yeah.
00:49:59That's about right now.
00:50:03Oh, I can't wait to get in.
00:50:05Neither can I.
00:50:07Bubbles make me go all tingly all over.
00:50:09You as well?
00:50:15Oh, it feels all lovely.
00:50:17All tingly.
00:50:19What a way to go.
00:50:27Marion?
00:50:35Marion?
00:50:37Marion?
00:50:57Marion?
00:50:59Marion?
00:51:03Marion, where are you?
00:51:05Marion, are you in the bath?
00:51:07Ah, there you are.
00:51:09Didn't you hear me shouting?
00:51:11Oh, darling, what a lovely surprise.
00:51:13I wasn't expecting you.
00:51:15What a complete shambles, the whole trip.
00:51:17Oh, you poor love.
00:51:19Why don't you go downstairs, put your feet up
00:51:21and pour yourself out a nice long drink
00:51:23and I'll join you and you can tell me all about it.
00:51:25Well, there's nothing to tell.
00:51:27You know who's responsible, don't you?
00:51:29Well, I told him. I warned him.
00:51:31Yes, you did.
00:51:33You put Peters in as acting managing director
00:51:35and you've got nothing but trouble on your hands, I said.
00:51:37He can't cope with responsibility.
00:51:39He's got no initiative.
00:51:41Runs a Ford Anglia and doesn't play golf.
00:51:43You've marked my words.
00:51:45I've been proved right yet again.
00:51:47That's wonderful.
00:51:49Now, why don't you just go downstairs?
00:51:51Wonderful?
00:51:53It's frustrating. It's insulting.
00:51:55Oh, I quite agree.
00:51:57Now, why don't you just let me finish my bath
00:51:59and I'll be straight with you.
00:52:01Yes, I could do with a drink.
00:52:07What was that?
00:52:09Nothing. Just knocked the plug, that's all.
00:52:11Oh.
00:52:15Oh, darling, can I get you anything?
00:52:17What?
00:52:19To drink.
00:52:21No, just go downstairs and I'll...
00:52:23Bath?
00:52:25You only bought this last week and you've already finished it.
00:52:27You really must be more careful in future.
00:52:29I can't afford extravagance of this sort.
00:52:31I mean, how you expect me to raise
00:52:33my housekeeping allowance in the face of such
00:52:35flagrant wastage.
00:52:37I really don't know.
00:52:39You really must put yourself together, you know.
00:52:41You're getting very careless lately.
00:52:43One do you know. One do.
00:52:45It's all right.
00:52:49Marion, I meant to ask you,
00:52:51what on earth have you been doing in the bedroom?
00:52:53There's paint all over the place.
00:52:55It's a terrible mess.
00:52:57It's the decorators. It was meant to be a surprise.
00:52:59Surprise? Well, I should think
00:53:01the only surprise I'll get will be the bill.
00:53:03Don't suppose you thought to get an estimate first?
00:53:05Oh, Harold!
00:53:07Never mind. Don't upset yourself.
00:53:09I mean, no, I expect you...
00:53:11You meant well, yes.
00:53:13Like Peter said.
00:53:15He meant well, I expect. Incompetent clodhopper.
00:53:17But would the board listen? Would they listen?
00:53:19Please, Harold, the water's getting cold.
00:53:21Jo, ah,
00:53:23yes, well,
00:53:25yes, but you have your bath and
00:53:27don't you worry about a thing.
00:53:29It was a lovely surprise
00:53:31to find paint all over the bedroom.
00:53:33Yes, I think I do
00:53:35need a drink.
00:53:37It's all right now. It's all right now.
00:53:39Come on, quick.
00:53:50I brought you a drink, darling.
00:53:52I thought you might like one.
00:53:54Oh, you mustn't stand about like that.
00:53:56Not with the window open.
00:53:58No, no, no. Catch your death.
00:54:19No, no, no.
00:54:49Sorry, mate, I'm not...
00:54:51St Barry's Convent, Upton Road.
00:54:53Yes, but...
00:55:20Of all the rotten luck,
00:55:22anyone else but a nun.
00:55:24I couldn't very well tell her to F off now, could I?
00:55:36I wonder if I could trouble you
00:55:38to help me with my cases.
00:55:49I don't think so.
00:56:19Are you all right?
00:56:24Oh, I thought I heard you coming.
00:56:26It's cost me a bloody fortune in jeans, this job.
00:56:28How come?
00:56:30I keep losing them.
00:56:32Oh, by the way, your brother phoned up while you were out.
00:56:34What, Peter?
00:56:36Yeah, he said something about having a whole lot of television sets.
00:56:38Did we need one?
00:56:40Bloody hell.
00:56:42Why, what's the matter?
00:56:44Look, if he phones up again, tell him, I don't know,
00:56:46tell him I've left the country, anything.
00:56:48I'm sure he can avoid it.
00:56:50I've got enough problems in my own life
00:56:52without getting lumbered with him and his thieving.
00:56:54I may get into a few scrapes now and again,
00:56:56but that's one thing I've always stayed well clear of,
00:56:58crime and all that.
00:57:18You know what this is, buddy?
00:57:20It's a gun.
00:57:26Just keep your mouth shut.
00:57:28Do as you're told and you won't get hurt.
00:57:30I said shut up and get going.
00:57:32Now, you make one wrong move
00:57:34and you're dead.
00:57:36Understand?
00:57:38Just stick to the driving.
00:57:40Keep your eyes on the road
00:57:42and you and me will get along just fine.
00:57:44Now, drive south.
00:57:46And no funny business.
00:57:48I know this town like I know my own face.
00:57:50If you asked me, we should have run her out there and then.
00:57:52I'll get no troubles with her stiff.
00:57:54Nobody's asking you, so shut up.
00:57:56Supposing an old man wants to talk to her,
00:57:58ain't nobody going to pay no ransom for a stiff,
00:58:00dumb head.
00:58:02We've got to keep her alive to get the dough.
00:58:04Do you get it?
00:58:06Yeah, but she's already seen us,
00:58:08so why bother with all this stuff?
00:58:10So when we call up her old man, you want her to tell him
00:58:12where we stashed her?
00:58:14I don't give a damn about his dumb head.
00:58:16What she don't know, she can't tell.
00:58:18Okay?
00:58:20Then we rub her out.
00:58:22Just stick to the road, pal, like I told you.
00:58:24Shut that moron up, will you?
00:58:26Do her right. Now!
00:58:30Listen, birdbrain,
00:58:32we don't snuff her unless there's no other way.
00:58:34What if something goes wrong?
00:58:36So long as you follow orders, nothing will.
00:58:38Take the next turning on the left
00:58:40and keep it real cool and steady.
00:58:42I am going to do something,
00:58:44as soon as I get the chance.
00:58:46A bit difficult with a gun pointing at my head, though.
00:58:52Okay, buddy.
00:58:54Turn left through those gates.
00:59:02Keep going.
00:59:06Further.
00:59:08That's it.
00:59:10That's it. Now pull up.
00:59:14Get that broad out of the cab.
00:59:16Here, give me order to rub him out too.
00:59:18I mean, what's to stop him shooting his mouth off?
00:59:20Okay, buddy.
00:59:22Out of the cab. Nice and easy now.
00:59:24No sudden moves
00:59:26or this baby goes off.
00:59:28All right, buddy, out of the cab.
00:59:30Keep it cool.
00:59:32Put your hands on your head.
00:59:34Now turn around. Come on, turn around.
00:59:36Now get moving.
00:59:38Turn around.
00:59:52Get up.
00:59:54Get up.
01:00:06Come on, hands against the wall.
01:00:16Come on, you can relax now.
01:00:18Look at him. He fell for it.
01:00:20I don't believe it.
01:00:22Yes.
01:00:24I'm sorry if we scared you.
01:00:26The whole thing was a joke. Everything.
01:00:28You see, we were at this party
01:00:30and someone suggested
01:00:32that we wouldn't dare try it in the street
01:00:34and the no cabbie would believe it.
01:00:36So they bet us 20 quid to do it.
01:00:38No hard feelings?
01:00:40No hard feelings. I've been losing fares while you've been doing all this.
01:00:48Oh, don't forget to get the paper signed.
01:00:50I almost forgot about that.
01:00:52Look, we have to bring back some kind of proof that we actually did it.
01:00:54Look, do you think you'd mind signing your name to this bit of paper?
01:00:56And if you could add your cab number,
01:00:58that would be great.
01:01:08Thanks, mate.
01:01:20Yeah!
01:01:50We're gonna have a good time
01:01:54It's true
01:01:56Cause the roof
01:01:58Is gonna get me down off this roof
01:02:00It's a lie
01:02:04I just can't live
01:02:06Right off in this car now
01:02:10I wanna say
01:02:12To everyone here
01:02:14Today
01:02:16It's true
01:02:18We're gonna have a good time
01:02:22We're gonna have a good time
01:02:28Hello, Maisie.
01:02:30Hello, Joe.
01:02:32Well, come on, love. Don't be nervous.
01:02:34I won't bite you off.
01:02:38Where to, darling?
01:02:40Oh, the usual, love.
01:02:42What, round the block?
01:02:44Yeah, that'll do. Just keep on driving. I'll give you a yell when I'm finished.
01:02:46You heard about Glenda, didn't you?
01:02:48Oh, sorry, love. Be with you in a minute.
01:02:50Glenda?
01:02:52Yeah. She married an Arab she picked up.
01:02:54I thought I hadn't seen her around.
01:02:56Yeah, an Arab.
01:02:58With oil wells and everything.
01:03:00Mind you, it was only a matter of time
01:03:02before she hooked some old geezer.
01:03:04It's funny. I'd never have thought that about her.
01:03:06What, getting married? But Glenda, you're joking.
01:03:08Every time she opened her mouth, a wedding bell popped out.
01:03:12So how's business with you?
01:03:14Oh, well, it's quietened down a bit
01:03:16now the tourist season's over,
01:03:18but I don't do too bad.
01:03:20Tell you what, love.
01:03:22You get it out and start practising, and I'll join you in a minute.
01:03:24Here, Joe.
01:03:26Could I have this one on credit?
01:03:28You know, I've just had the electricity bill in.
01:03:30Yeah, that's OK.
01:03:32Oh, you are lovely. I'll make it up next time, I promise.
01:03:34Don't worry about it.
01:03:36It's my pleasure.
01:03:38Tell you what, I didn't half get a flight the other week.
01:03:40I thought I'd caught a dose, didn't I?
01:03:42It's all right. Don't worry.
01:03:44You have a very nasty cough there.
01:03:46You should get it seen to.
01:03:48It might be serious.
01:03:50That's the fourth one I've had this week with a cold.
01:03:52Only hope to God I don't go down with it.
01:03:54That's my trouble, you know.
01:03:56Anything that's going around, I seem to pick up.
01:03:58Yeah, I had noticed.
01:04:00Anyway, love, I can't sit here chatting all day.
01:04:02I've got to get back to work.
01:04:12Oh, my God!
01:04:42APPLAUSE
01:04:54Something tells me this could be my lucky night.
01:04:56Number 24, you said?
01:04:5824, yes.
01:05:00Oh, a right little sex bomb, this one.
01:05:02I mean, you can tell from that voice, can't you?
01:05:04All husky and sexy.
01:05:06I reckon this one will need
01:05:08the smooth, suave, James Bond-type chatter.
01:05:10You, uh...
01:05:12You in the movies, then?
01:05:14Sorry?
01:05:16No, it's just that I thought I recognised your face from somewhere.
01:05:18I'd swear I'd seen you on the telly
01:05:20or the pictures, somewhere like that.
01:05:22Possibly.
01:05:24I knew it. I knew you were in show business.
01:05:26Are you famous, then?
01:05:28Well, if I was, you'd know who I am,
01:05:30wouldn't you?
01:05:32Yeah, well, I do.
01:05:34It's just that your name escapes me for the moment, that's all.
01:05:36Bunny McQueen.
01:05:38Bunny McQueen, of course.
01:05:40How could I ever forget that?
01:05:42Bunny McQueen?
01:05:44Oh, I get it, Bunny.
01:05:46Must work at that Playboy club.
01:05:48You know, one of those birds with long, floppy ears
01:05:50all dressed up like rabbits.
01:05:52Oh, yeah, probably been in that
01:05:54Playboy magazine, you know?
01:05:56Playmate of the month.
01:05:58I bet if I looked, I'd find
01:06:00a picture of you on Tom's garage wall.
01:06:02Who's Tom?
01:06:04Oh, he's a guy I live with.
01:06:06Yeah, he's all right. He's not as nice as you, though.
01:06:10She fancies me, don't she?
01:06:12Oh, I'm in here if I play me cards right.
01:06:24Make yourself at home.
01:06:32Sit down. Relax.
01:06:34Well, I should sit over there, if I were you.
01:06:36It's more comfortable.
01:06:40I'll just get the wine.
01:06:46There we are.
01:06:48Well, here we are, then.
01:06:50Have you been together long?
01:06:52What?
01:06:54This boy you live with.
01:06:56Oh, Tom? No, just a few weeks.
01:06:58Well, we've known each other for a couple of years now,
01:07:00but we've only been living together a short time.
01:07:02Well, he's not going to get jealous
01:07:04if he comes back and finds me here.
01:07:06No, he'll probably fancy you himself.
01:07:10Oh, let me.
01:07:14Ah, must need a new flint.
01:07:16Hang on, I've got some matches somewhere.
01:07:24Sorry about that.
01:07:32Thank you.
01:07:40I think that's a really great outfit you're wearing.
01:07:42Oh, do you like it?
01:07:44I design all my own clothes.
01:07:46Yeah, well, it looks terrific.
01:07:48I suppose I shouldn't really be wearing it now,
01:07:50but after I've finished work, I just want to get away.
01:07:52I can't be bothered to change.
01:07:54Oh, no, you mustn't change. I mean, you look great as you are.
01:07:56A real turn-on. Honest.
01:07:58It's a tough one, this.
01:08:00Oh, do you want me to do it?
01:08:02No, no, it's all right.
01:08:04Get it out in a minute.
01:08:06Come on, why don't you let me try?
01:08:08No, you'll never do it.
01:08:12Have you got the glasses ready?
01:08:14What? Oh, yeah.
01:08:18Sorry, we're a bit short on glasses.
01:08:26Well,
01:08:28this is very nice.
01:08:30Thank you.
01:08:32I think you're very nice.
01:08:34You, uh,
01:08:36comfortable, are you?
01:08:38Mm, thank you.
01:08:40I think you're really something.
01:08:42Really, I do.
01:08:44I hope you won't mind
01:08:46if I say this, but, uh,
01:08:48I think you've got the most beautifully shaped
01:08:50breasts I've ever seen.
01:08:52Really beautiful.
01:08:54Yes, you're much better now.
01:08:56I told you, they cost me a fortune.
01:08:58So, um,
01:09:00why don't we give them a little air to breathe, eh?
01:09:06You've got lovely legs, you know.
01:09:08Really lovely.
01:09:10I had to shave them, of course.
01:09:14Bloody hell!
01:09:16What's the matter?
01:09:18You! You're Othello!
01:09:20But of course I am. What did you think I was?
01:09:22I wonder if I could have him
01:09:24under the Trace Descriptions Act.
01:09:54Fast, your Majesty!
01:09:56Get going, Mr. Fast!
01:09:58Never mind now, just drive!
01:10:00How? How? I'm enrolled!
01:10:06Must have gone to the same party.
01:10:08Still, tenner a time, I should care.
01:10:10I'll play the game.
01:10:12Can't you go any earlier?
01:10:14I'll play the game.
01:10:16I'll play the game.
01:10:18I'll play the game.
01:10:20I'll play the game.
01:10:22OK, I'll play the game.
01:10:24Can't you go any faster?
01:10:26I'll do my best, but watch out for the law.
01:10:28We'll take care of that, just drive.
01:10:30Left!
01:10:42What do we do, stop them all?
01:10:44Turn right, just where that van is.
01:10:46Wouldn't it be easier if you told me where we're making for?
01:10:48We could have an accident at this rate.
01:10:50There's a lot of cars round here, so shut up and keep driving.
01:10:52Oh, well, I suppose I've got to come on heavy,
01:10:54otherwise it wouldn't count.
01:10:56I wonder when they get round to the bit about doing me in.
01:10:58Not as good as the last lot.
01:11:00Ah, much more realistic, they were.
01:11:02We being followed?
01:11:06Don't think so.
01:11:08That's all right, they're going in the opposite direction.
01:11:12It's all clear, he'll drop us off at the end here.
01:11:14Are you kidding? He's coming with us.
01:11:16We may need a hostage.
01:11:18Just like your mate suggested, eh?
01:11:20Then I can sign your paper and you can be on your way.
01:11:22Paper?
01:11:24I just think it would save us all a lot of time, that's all.
01:11:26What paper? What are you talking about?
01:11:28You know, for your mates. I hereby declare I've done the dreadful deed and all that rubbish.
01:11:30I won't tell them I cottoned on.
01:11:32Listen, just shut up and keep driving.
01:11:34Oh, come on now, don't let's get carried away.
01:11:36I mean, a joke's a joke, but I keep losing business during this lot.
01:11:38Yeah, it won't be the only thing you'll lose.
01:11:40You don't boot up!
01:11:42Oh, look, fair is fair, but you go too far.
01:11:44I'm not going to sign your paper, I'm warning you, so just watch your step.
01:11:46Left! Sharp left!
01:11:48Hang about!
01:11:50What's all this then?
01:11:52Go right down the end of the garage, drive right in.
01:11:54Oh, I get it, I get it.
01:11:56You will if you don't boot up.
01:11:58It's bleeding Tom, innit?
01:12:00I mean, I told him about the other kidnap and he thought...
01:12:02Very funny.
01:12:16What are you doing here?
01:12:18You should know.
01:12:20What a bloody prank.
01:12:22Look, it's costing me money, this game.
01:12:24You know him?
01:12:26Of course he bloody knows me, I live here, don't I?
01:12:28Er, what happened?
01:12:30Where's the car?
01:12:32Parked on a double yellow line, didn't he?
01:12:34We do the job, come rushing out with the stuff.
01:12:36There's a getaway car being done for parking.
01:12:38Had to come back by cab.
01:12:40I never thought the cab's in London.
01:12:42You had to pick...
01:12:44Oh no!
01:12:50I still say we can't trust him.
01:12:52I'm telling you, he's a mate.
01:12:54He's not going to shop us.
01:12:56I won't, I won't.
01:12:58I say we shouldn't chance it.
01:13:00Look, I'm not going to say anything.
01:13:02As far as I'm concerned, it never happened.
01:13:04I don't know nothing about us.
01:13:06See, now I'll guarantee you, now don't worry.
01:13:08Don't worry?
01:13:10How much do you think I'm worth?
01:13:12I knew I'd look good in expensive things.
01:13:14Yeah, you look lovely, now get them off.
01:13:16Right, well, if you've all finished with me,
01:13:18I think I'd better get back to work.
01:13:20Sit down, you ain't going anywhere.
01:13:22Yeah, well, I just thought...
01:13:24Well, don't.
01:13:26You expecting anyone?
01:13:28It's all right, it's not the law.
01:13:30And I thought taxi driving was a strain.
01:13:32Right, let's get this stuff away somewhere.
01:13:34It's making me nervous lying around the place.
01:13:36Yeah, where are you going to put it?
01:13:38I know a place where no one will look.
01:13:40Oh, I'm here, Monty.
01:13:46Christ almighty.
01:13:48Hello, what are you doing here?
01:13:50You two know each other?
01:13:52Yeah, he's my brother, isn't he?
01:13:56Bloody hell, what's that?
01:13:58A hippopotamus.
01:14:00What the hell are you doing mixed up in all this?
01:14:02Well, I'm in the bedtime now, aren't I?
01:14:04I don't believe it, I just don't believe it.
01:14:06I was driving the getaway car, wasn't I?
01:14:08Oh, yeah, parked in a double yellow line.
01:14:10I've done it before and never gotten nicked.
01:14:12So tell us what happened.
01:14:14Nothing happened, I got a bollocking.
01:14:16You lot came running out of the shop with the stuff.
01:14:18Well, the copper, he forgot about me, so I drove off.
01:14:20Yeah, we should have been with you.
01:14:22Well, it looks like you managed to pick up a cab all right, don't it?
01:14:24Little bleeder. Oh, do you?
01:14:26I saw what happened.
01:14:28Didn't know it was Joe driving it, though.
01:14:30How much did he charge you?
01:14:32I think you're very funny, don't you, eh?
01:14:34Come on, Harry, lay off.
01:14:36I wasn't followed, bloody amateur, coming straight back here.
01:14:38So what else was I supposed to do?
01:14:40It wasn't me that were following.
01:14:42Yeah, well, any more cheating and I'll lay one on you so hard
01:14:44my fist will come out the back of your head.
01:14:46Take it easy, Harry, yeah?
01:14:48The kid didn't mean nothing, just let it rest, OK?
01:14:50Trouble is, my friends, what do we do now?
01:14:52I mean, for all we know, they might have taken Joe's number.
01:14:54For all we know, they might be on the way round here right now.
01:14:56Taken my number?
01:14:58Oh, that's great, that is, that's really landed me in it.
01:15:00Tom's right, we ought to split before they get on to us.
01:15:02Yeah, we'll meet up tomorrow like we planned.
01:15:05Too late, they're here.
01:15:09Can't see anyone.
01:15:11Well, it's not ringing on its own.
01:15:13Who is it?
01:15:15If nobody makes a sound, perhaps they'll go away.
01:15:17Look, maybe you'd better go and see who it is.
01:15:19What?
01:15:21Do you want me to go?
01:15:23You stay right where you are.
01:15:25Yeah, go on.
01:15:27It's no use hiding, I know you're in there, John North.
01:15:29Bloody hell, that's all I need.
01:15:31Answer this door or I'll scream the place down.
01:15:33You let me in or I'm warning you, I'll get the police and lock the door in.
01:15:38Oh, Carol.
01:15:40You took your time, didn't you?
01:15:42Where is he?
01:15:44Who? Oh, Joe.
01:15:46Who do you think I meant? Mickey Mouse?
01:15:48He's out.
01:15:50Working.
01:15:52What? When his taxi's here?
01:15:54What's he driving? Awesome cart?
01:15:56His taxi's not here.
01:15:58He's out, isn't it?
01:16:00Really?
01:16:02Well, I have just bumped into the tall lady from number three
01:16:04with a toy poodle and a blue rinse.
01:16:06And according to her,
01:16:08Joe's taxi drove into your garage ten minutes ago.
01:16:11So unless he's gone straight through your back wall,
01:16:13it's still here, isn't it?
01:16:16Well, you see, I wouldn't know about that
01:16:18because I was asleep.
01:16:22He's up there, isn't he?
01:16:24He's up there with another bloody bird!
01:16:27Joe, get rid of her.
01:16:29What am I supposed to do?
01:16:31If I find you in a compromising position with your knickers down, I'll...
01:16:34Hello.
01:16:37Didn't know you had company.
01:16:39Hello, Carol.
01:16:41I just came to tell you that I've forgiven you
01:16:44for what you was doing last time I saw you.
01:16:46Oh, er, thank you.
01:16:48Yes. I've thought it over very carefully
01:16:50and I decided that what you did
01:16:52was a moment of weakness on your behalf.
01:16:54So, I have forgiven you.
01:16:56Great.
01:16:57I thought you'd be pleased.
01:16:59Yeah, great.
01:17:01Well, aren't you going to introduce me?
01:17:05To your friends?
01:17:07Oh, yes, um, this is Peter.
01:17:09Yes, I know Peter.
01:17:11And Tom and that Nicky as well.
01:17:13And, um, this is, er, Jeremy.
01:17:15Jimmy, pleased to meet you.
01:17:17And, er, Rupert.
01:17:19Pleased to meet you.
01:17:21I'm Joe's fiancée, Carol.
01:17:23Fiancée? Carol Hotchkiss?
01:17:25Actually, Harry, um, Bernard and Jim
01:17:27were just about to leave.
01:17:29Er, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going.
01:17:31Yeah.
01:17:33Bye, Rupert.
01:17:35Nice to have met you.
01:17:38What did you say they do for a living?
01:17:40Insurance. Bank computers.
01:17:45What's going on?
01:17:47What do you mean? Nothing. Why?
01:17:49Is there something I'm not supposed to know about?
01:17:53It's just that I get the impression...
01:17:56I mean, what's he doing here for a start?
01:17:58Just come to see my brother, haven't I?
01:18:02You've got someone here, haven't you?
01:18:04Another woman? Another naked tart in the bedroom?
01:18:07Oh, for God's sake, look, there's no-one here but us, that's all.
01:18:10How am I supposed to know that?
01:18:12Well, you've just got a suspicious mind, that's your trouble.
01:18:14Worse than the CIA, into everything.
01:18:16If I caught you with another woman,
01:18:18Joan will also help me. I would kill you, I would.
01:18:20Especially after I've forgiven you
01:18:22for your misdemeanour.
01:18:24Listen, darling, you know you're the only girl in the world for me.
01:18:27It's just that I've learnt my lesson.
01:18:30Come on, let's go down to the pub and have a drink, eh?
01:18:32Do you really mean that?
01:18:34Yes, I'm thirsty. I could do with one.
01:18:36No, about me being the only girl in the world.
01:18:38Of course I do. Come on.
01:18:40Oh, well, don't push me, all right?
01:18:42I mean, the pub's aren't even open yet.
01:18:44So, we can wait.
01:18:46Do you want to go and tell anyone?
01:18:48Oh, come on.
01:18:50Thank God for that.
01:18:52Good day, sir.
01:18:54Madam?
01:18:56Going somewhere, were we?
01:18:58Who are you?
01:19:00Do you mind if we step inside, sir?
01:19:02What did you want?
01:19:04If you don't mind, sir.
01:19:08No, you see, we were just on our way out.
01:19:10I had noticed.
01:19:12Yes, we were waiting till the pub's opened.
01:19:14Inspector Rogers, CID.
01:19:16And this is Sergeant Jeeves.
01:19:18Afternoon, all.
01:19:20I rather thought you might be able to help us
01:19:22with our enquiries.
01:19:24Oh, what's been happening?
01:19:26Oi, you've got to search, Warren.
01:19:28Why? You hiding something?
01:19:32You're with him,
01:19:34and you're with him.
01:19:36Right?
01:19:38So,
01:19:40who were you with?
01:19:42Myself.
01:19:44Joe, what's this all about?
01:19:46You don't need to be in this sort of league, don't you?
01:19:48I did know there was an age limit.
01:19:50What are we supposed to be helping his enquiries with?
01:19:52Carol, love.
01:19:54It's to do with sex, isn't it?
01:19:56You've been having orgies up here, haven't you?
01:19:58That's what it is, isn't it? Orgies.
01:20:00No, ma'am.
01:20:02Well, it must be something like that.
01:20:04I mean, if Joe's anything to do with it, it must be sexy.
01:20:06You've got a one-track mind, you have.
01:20:08All right, if it's not orgies, what is it then?
01:20:10You might say it's a little treasure hunt.
01:20:12Joe, what have you got yourself mixed up with now?
01:20:14Nothing.
01:20:16I bet you have, especially if there's a woman involved.
01:20:18Listen, there's nothing up here.
01:20:20Not according to your two friends.
01:20:22We've got them outside.
01:20:24Picked them up a few minutes ago.
01:20:26What two friends?
01:20:28We know all about your little caper at the jeweller's.
01:20:30I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about.
01:20:32Why don't you just come clean?
01:20:34Your friends have.
01:20:36Found any little trinkets yet?
01:20:38Not yet, sir.
01:20:40You're not going to find anything, you know.
01:20:42Life's full of little surprises, isn't it?
01:20:44Jesus Christ!
01:20:46I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to shout.
01:20:48It's just there's a bloody snake in there.
01:20:50That is Monty. He is my speciality.
01:20:52And he's very highly strung.
01:20:54Please don't upset him.
01:20:56He's got a performance tonight.
01:20:58There's nothing there, sir. Told you.
01:21:00Yeah, I've just realised.
01:21:02You're looking for stolen property.
01:21:04Callum, why don't you belt up?
01:21:06Look at the cheek of it.
01:21:08I mean, coming in here and searching this place
01:21:10for criminals.
01:21:12Tell him, Joe. Go on, tell him.
01:21:14Carol, Carol, will you shut up, Carol?
01:21:16Go on, go on, tell him.
01:21:18Ask to see his search warrant.
01:21:20Go on, ask, ask.
01:21:22If you don't ask, I shall never speak to you again
01:21:24even though I have forgiven you.
01:21:26Have you got something to say, then?
01:21:28Well, um, Inspector...
01:21:30Go on, go on, tell him to get out.
01:21:32Yes, um...
01:21:34And tell him to apologise. Tell him you know your rights.
01:21:36Tell him you'll sue him for liable if he don't apologise.
01:21:38She'll get me jailed for life.
01:21:40Go on, Joe, tell him. Joe is my fiancé.
01:21:42Well, um, Inspector,
01:21:44as you don't appear to have found anything...
01:21:46That's right, really lay it on him.
01:21:48I suggest we, um, call it a day.
01:21:50Don't you?
01:21:52That's a bit pathetic, isn't it?
01:21:54Carol!
01:21:56I mean, he's just called us a bunch of criminals. We could sue him for that.
01:21:58Excuse me, ma'am. I haven't called any of you criminals.
01:22:02Yet.
01:22:04Oh, yes, you did. I heard you. You said we had stolen goods.
01:22:06What sort of people do you think we are?
01:22:08Accusing us of being criminals.
01:22:10We are respectable. We are.
01:22:12I have never done anything criminal in my life.
01:22:14I work in a supermarket.
01:22:16And as for Joe, well, he's a taxi driver.
01:22:18And Peter is, well...
01:22:20And as for Tom, well, you could hardly call him a criminal.
01:22:22He's a mechanic.
01:22:24And Nicky, well, she's respectable.
01:22:26She's a stripper.
01:22:28And so the last thing you could ever find in this place
01:22:30would be stolen property.
01:23:06Just been visiting Tom.
01:23:08Poor bastard.
01:23:10Got five years, him and his mates.
01:23:12I thought I was going to go down myself at one point.
01:23:14But as I explained to them,
01:23:16I was a victim of the circumstances.
01:23:18And they let me off with a caution.
01:23:20Mind you, I think they were glad to see the back of me.
01:23:22Because Carol was pestering the life out of them.
01:23:24Nicky got out of it all right.
01:23:26Probation, first offence.
01:23:28Tom's asked me to keep an eye on her for him.
01:23:30That's a favour I shall do.
01:23:32And I'll do it.
01:23:34Keep an eye on her for him.
01:23:36That's a favour I shan't mind doing.
01:23:38Lost me a lot of time, though.
01:23:40All this business with the law.
01:23:42Lost me a place to live and all.
01:23:44Guess where I've ended up.
01:23:46Nothing like home cooking, is there?
01:23:48Not like your home cooking, there isn't.
01:23:50Carol rang up, said she'd be round at six.
01:23:52You were taking her out.
01:23:54Oh, yeah, that's really lumbered me in it, that is.
01:23:56Well, the only good thing that's come out of this is you.
01:23:58Getting off on probation.
01:24:00Really shook you up, that bus with the law.
01:24:02A new leaf, you have.
01:24:04You still eat anything that lies stood on a plate, though, don't you?
01:24:06So, you've learnt your lesson.
01:24:08I'm glad to see it.
01:24:10Good to see you going straight.
01:24:12Well, I'm off. Where's me fares book?
01:24:18Bloody hell!
01:24:20Don't you bloody swear in front of the baby.
01:24:22Teachers are bad habits.
01:24:32Hello.
01:24:58Hello, darling.
01:25:00Which do you want this time?
01:25:02Post Office Tower, please.
01:25:30Smoothing your hair.
01:25:32Soothing your cares away.
01:25:34There's no refusing.
01:25:36Casanova.
01:25:38Stop and block
01:25:40and we're working overtime.
01:25:42Cruising,
01:25:44Casanova be mine.
01:25:46Casanova be mine.
01:25:48Casanova be mine.
01:25:50Casanova be mine.
01:25:52Casanova be mine.
01:25:54Casanova be mine.
01:25:56Casanova be mine.
01:25:58Casanova be mine.
01:26:28Casanova be mine.
01:26:30Casanova be mine.
01:26:32Casanova be mine.
01:26:34Casanova be mine.
01:26:36Casanova be mine.
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01:26:40Casanova be mine.
01:26:42Casanova be mine.
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01:26:48Casanova be mine.
01:26:50Casanova be mine.
01:26:52Casanova be mine.
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01:26:56Casanova be mine.
01:26:58Casanova be mine.
01:27:00Casanova be mine.
01:27:02Casanova be mine.
01:27:04Casanova be mine.
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01:29:18You
01:29:48You