telling my girlfriend she needs to get a real job and she will never be a famous comedian
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00:00I31M and my girlfriend is 28.
00:03Her and I have been together for 6 years and have been living together for the last 2.
00:08Going to attempt to keep this short so please ask for details if I leave something out.
00:13GF has always enjoyed doing comedy and has done open mic nights since we've met shortly
00:18after college.
00:19She had a real sales job though that was her Monday through Friday 9-5 job where she made
00:24decent money.
00:26I have a good but hard job and make almost triple what my GF was making when she had
00:30her job.
00:31I said had because last August she quit her job because it was taking away from her comedy
00:36ventures.
00:37She told me a year from now she thinks she can really make it.
00:41I was a bit skeptical but since I make enough to support us, I encouraged her because I
00:46want to be a supportive boyfriend.
00:48Since she quit her job, she began doing Uber and DoorDash which is where she makes 100%
00:55of her money.
00:56Her comedy has gotten us $0.
00:59Over the past few months I have started to resent her though.
01:02She constantly complains she has no money yet drives for Uber or DD maybe 3 times a
01:07week for maybe 4 hours at a time.
01:10I have been paying a lot more for household expenses and I'm not saving as much as I'd
01:15like to anymore.
01:16She sleeps till noon because sometimes her open mics run real late before she even gets
01:21to perform.
01:23And when she gets up she just bums around on TikTok and YouTube looking for inspiration.
01:28She also gets very moody with me if I don't come to 90% of her open mic performances.
01:33Even after working a 14 hour day she will get mad if I don't go to her open mic at
01:3811pm on a Tuesday.
01:40Last night I did the unthinkable.
01:42I asked her to consider going back to a full time job.
01:46I said she should still do her comedy but I'm struggling with taking care of our expenses
01:51all by myself.
01:52When she gave a dismissive answer I told her firmly that she will never be a famous comedian.
01:58I said she's 28 and it's time to grow the fuck up and join the real world because this
02:03is totally unfair to me that I bust my ass while she lives in la la land.
02:08And that she can't be this naive at this age by thinking she's going to support herself
02:12with this.
02:13She stared at me in silence for a few minutes, started crying and went to stay with a friend.
02:19She called me a ducking duckhead asshole and I'm the worst friend ever.
02:23She has not answered her phone today yet.
02:26Comment 1.
02:27NTA.
02:28The reality is people are flawed.
02:31You are frustrated taking care of a grown ass adult who is content freeloading off you
02:35while she sleeps till noon and barely works part time.
02:39So your anger boiled over and you said some harsh things.
02:43If she wants to be a comedian she can work a full time job and make her dream a side
02:47gig.
02:48Just like she would have to do she had to pay her own big girl bills.
02:53It's been almost year.
02:55Time to grow up pay them bills.
02:57For me it's not even an ultimatum.
02:59My partner would have to get a job that pays bills and half the rent or we would be done.
03:05Comment 2.
03:07NTA.
03:08She had a vague plan of being able to live off of her art after giving it a full time
03:13go for a year.
03:14That year is almost over and she's not making any money from it.
03:18It also sounds like she's not really doing as much as she could on this if she's got
03:23a lot of time to play on her phone, etc.
03:25She is bringing in some money in the gig economy but 12 hours a week of probably minimum wage
03:30is obviously nothing in comparison to a very time consuming, hard, and well paying job.
03:37You agreed to support her for a year.
03:39That year is almost over.
03:42Time for her to get a job again, one where she brings in a good amount so that she's
03:46not just living off of your earnings.
03:49Comment 3.
03:50I mean do you even want to be in a relationship with her anymore?
03:54You didn't say anything nice about her and the tirade you went on at the end was pretty
03:59nasty.
04:00Also you said you encouraged her to do this.
04:03Did you not have this conversation at the time about what her contribution would look
04:06like going forward and how long she would give it?
04:09It seems like you never communicated that and it's just ended with you blowing up.
04:17My wife, 29F, and I, 31M, bought our first house this past winter.
04:24The house is in decent shape, but the yard needed a lot of work.
04:28We spent the winter planning what we wanted to do with the yard in terms of landscaping.
04:33My wife has always wanted a garden, but I have a severe bee slash wasp allergy and I
04:38did not want to plant a bunch of stuff that would attract those insects to our yard.
04:43She kept begging me to let her build a garden and told me that there are going to be insects
04:48in our yard anyway.
04:49I carry an EpiPen with me pretty much all the time when I'm outside, but I would prefer
04:54not to have a deadly threat in my yard at all times.
04:58I went out of town for work for a week about six weeks ago.
05:02When I got back, I saw that my wife had done a lot of work in the yard.
05:07She had bought a few raised planting beds and started a little vegetable garden.
05:12She had also dug up a couple areas on both sides of our driveway and planted a bunch
05:17of native plants and flowers as pollinator gardens.
05:21I'll admit, my first reaction probably wasn't the best.
05:25It was something along the lines of WTF are you thinking?
05:29We got into a pretty big fight about it because she kept downplaying how much of a problem
05:33it would be for me.
05:35She kept saying things like they won't sting you unless you bother them.
05:38They are going to be in our yard anyway.
05:41Native pollinator plants are important.
05:44You have an EpiPen anyway.
05:46Now, I'm not necessarily disagreeing with any of those statements.
05:51But to me, she is inviting deadly threats into our yard.
05:55And to make it worse, she is telling me it's not a big deal.
05:59I told her that if she wants to keep all of that stuff in our yard, she just signed up
06:04for doing all the yard work by herself because I am not going to put myself at risk just
06:08so that she can grow a few zucchinis.
06:11I am not going to mow the lawn or pull weeds if it means I might get stung.
06:16She told me I am overreacting but since she wants to keep everything she planted, she
06:21begrudgingly agreed to do all the yard work.
06:24Well, now that summer is in full swing, she doesn't like that arrangement.
06:29She complains that it's too hot and the yard work would go a lot faster if both of us were
06:33doing it.
06:35She complains that the grass grows too fast and doesn't like having to spend time every
06:39weekend mowing.
06:41But then she will also post videos on social media about all the bees that her pollinator
06:46garden is attracting.
06:48This past weekend she told me she was too tired to mow and asked me to do it.
06:53I told her that we already agree she would do all the yard work since she wanted to keep
06:57her gardens.
06:59She again told me I am overreacting and that I need to help.
07:03I told her that I am not putting myself at risk when we both know there are more bees
07:08in our yard now because of her gardens.
07:10I have taken on a lot more of the household chores to compensate for her doing the yard
07:15work, so it's not like I'm slacking off.
07:18She refuses to see things from my POV, comment 1.
07:23NTA.
07:24To begin with, it sounds like you and your wife were still in the planning stages when
07:28she went behind your back and planted her preferred garden.
07:32Second, she is being really dismissive of a deadly allergy.
07:36An EpiPen isn't a cure-all for your problem.
07:39You still need to go to the emergency room if you are stung, and there can be lingering
07:43effects for days afterward.
07:46By inviting bees into your yard, she's really increasing your chance of being stung.
07:51It's great that your wife is concerned about pollinators, but it would be nice if she was
07:56concerned about her husband too.
07:59Comment 2.
08:00NTA.
08:02On some level, I can agree with your wife.
08:05In many years of gardening and even having raised bees, I've never been stung except
08:09the one time a bee got in my cloth after I did some hive work.
08:13You're probably at more risk striving to work than you are in a garden.
08:17But, you don't duck with anaphylaxis, especially not someone else's anaphylaxis.
08:23The odds are low, but if it does happen, it's so dangerous.
08:27Not to mention anxiety and fear you may feel.
08:31Your solution of her doing the yard work is eminently reasonable.
08:35If she finds it too much work there are ways of reducing it if she wants.
08:39There are low-maintenance gardens and lawn solutions that take less mowing.
08:44Or she can just put in the work because this is her hobby and her choice.
08:49Comment 3.
08:50NTA.
08:51Can you even relax outdoors when tolerable?
08:54If petty, I would tell her you're changing your life insurance so she's not the beneficiary.
09:00But that may be too far lol.
09:05I'm a 23-year-old female, and I'm not sure if I'm the arsehole in this situation.
09:10So, here it goes.
09:12My sister, Anna, 27F, has always been the golden child.
09:18She's smart, beautiful, and now engaged to a wonderful guy named Mike, 29M.
09:24Mike is the kind of guy who makes everyone feel special, and I thought he was the best
09:28thing that ever happened to Anna.
09:30I couldn't be happier for her.
09:33Until recently.
09:34Three years ago, I started my dream job as a graphic designer at a prestigious company.
09:40It wasn't easy to get in, and I had to work my ass off to prove myself.
09:45Fast forward to a few months ago, our company started a big project, and I was chosen as
09:50the lead designer.
09:52This was my big break.
09:54One evening, Mike dropped by my apartment to discuss something important.
09:59I assumed it was about the wedding, but I was wrong.
10:02He told me he had a business proposal.
10:05Mike had recently started his own tech company and needed a creative mind like mine.
10:11He offered me a position as the head of design with a significant pay raise and promised
10:16equity in the company.
10:18It was tempting, but I politely declined.
10:21I loved my job, and I didn't want to mix family with business.
10:25Here's where things get messy.
10:27Mike didn't take my rejection well.
10:30He became pushy, trying to persuade me by any means necessary.
10:34I stood my ground, thinking it was over.
10:37But then, weird things started happening at work.
10:41Rumors about me slacking off and missing deadlines spread like wildfire.
10:46My boss, who had always trusted me, started questioning my work ethic.
10:51Projects were reassigned, and my reputation took a hit.
10:55Last week, I was called into a meeting with HR and my boss.
11:00They had evidence of me leaking confidential information to a competitor.
11:04I was in shock and denied everything.
11:07They showed me emails sent from my work account, which I had never sent.
11:11I was suspended pending further investigation.
11:15Devastated, I went to Anna's place to seek comfort.
11:19As I was explaining everything to her, Mike walked in.
11:22He looked guilty, and it hit me.
11:25I confronted him, demanding to know if he had anything to do with this.
11:30After a tense standoff, he admitted to hacking into my email and sending those emails to
11:34sabotage me.
11:36He thought if I had no job, I'd be forced to join his company.
11:40Anna was horrified and broke off the engagement on the spot.
11:44Now, my family is divided.
11:47My parents are furious with Mike but are also blaming me for provoking him by rejecting
11:51his offer.
11:53They think I should have just accepted the job to keep the peace.
11:57Anna is supportive, but she's devastated.
12:00My friends are telling me to take legal action, but I'm scared of the repercussions, comment
12:051.
12:06I am calling fake.
12:08So this guy was able to somehow get into her emails and fake that she was leaking confidential
12:13information?
12:14What was so special about her that he needed her to work with him to where he would do
12:18this?
12:19More importantly, what family is divided over this?
12:23Who would think she should have taken the job to get keep the peace?
12:27I don't know anyone in my family who wouldn't be furious with this guy.
12:31Also, how low is your self-esteem that you are wondering if you are the R?
12:36This whole story is completely stupid.
12:39Comment 2.
12:41Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this is fictional.
12:44Most graphic designers at prestigious companies have college degrees.
12:49I don't know about anyone else's work emails, but we have two-party verification for signing
12:54onto email just so no one hacks our accounts.
12:57And if wannabe Bill ruined her reputation, what would be the point of hiring her?
13:03Rumors about missing deadlines don't matter when people actually make deadlines.
13:07And slacking off isn't believable when people produce the work.
13:11This is not how rumors actually work.
13:14Finally, how would Bill know the confidential information she supposedly leaked to a competitor?
13:20How would he know what to put in an email?
13:23Too many questions for me to take this one at face value.
13:27Comment 3.
13:29I, 28F, and my husband, 32M, have three beautiful boys together aged 8, 7, and 4.
13:38Almost every evening we sit together at the table as a family and enjoy dinner.
13:43We have a strict rule that if you don't finish your plate, you don't get a snack later or
13:48dessert.
13:49If our kids are full before their plate is gone, we let them leave the table but save
13:53their plate in case they ask for a snack later.
13:56This really hasn't been an issue until recently and specifically tonight where my husband
14:01and I got into a fight in front of the kids disagreeing if they could have a snack or
14:05not after dinner.
14:06For background purposes, financially I would say we are equal when it comes to income.
14:12My husband makes twice as much as me and pays all of the bills except the mortgage.
14:17I pay the mortgage, our youngest's daycare, and I buy our groceries and any household
14:22necessities.
14:24We don't fight about finances.
14:26Recently my husband has been not allowing the kids to have a snack after dinner even
14:30if they finish their plate.
14:32I've been arguing back saying they finished, they're allowed a snack.
14:37Tonight our 7-year-old asked for a snack after dinner and my husband flipped saying don't
14:41ask again you're not having any more food tonight.
14:45I told him he was being unreasonable and snuck my 7-year-old down to have a clementine and
14:50a banana.
14:51My husband thinks I'm the arsehole for undermining his decision that the kids won't have snacks
14:56but I think he's being unreasonable and if we have the means to fed our kids dinner and
15:01snacks after why wouldn't we?
15:03Comment 1.
15:04Your and your husband's behavior toward food is weird as hell.
15:08ESH.
15:09What you're doing is forcing your kids to eat, perhaps past the point of satiety, if
15:14they want, idk, ice cream.
15:17And everyone wants ice cream.
15:19The keeping the leftovers in the fridge in case the offending child is hungry later is
15:24just, beyond.
15:26What do you say?
15:27Ok, you two kids finished your meal so for a snack you get two pieces of candy.
15:32You, third child, didn't finish your meal, so you get cold broccoli.
15:38Keep on this way if you want to give your kids an eating disorder.
15:42Comment 2.
15:43Wow.
15:45YTA, as well had your husband, for making dinner and food a battleground.
15:50Nothing good is going to come from you and your husband's mentality about food when it
15:54comes to your children.
15:56It's unhealthy.