Letting my family meet my baby without my wife’s permission
Letting my family meet my baby without my wife’s permission
Transcript
00:00Been with my wife Mary for 3 years and we welcomed our first boy 3 months ago.
00:05My wife has always been close to my family and they get along pretty well.
00:09When she got pregnant everyone was excited,
00:11especially my parents since this would be their first grandchild.
00:15They were very involved, with boundaries of course,
00:18and my parents were the ones that actually helped making the pregnancy a bit easier.
00:23Helping with groceries, bought a lot of baby stuff and so on.
00:27When she was due to give birth my mom gave her this beautiful knitted shawl for our son.
00:32Each square had a different design, each with its own meaning, it was really beautiful.
00:37After labor and birth we had already gave our rules to all the family,
00:41we wanted a month just us and the baby. And they all respected it.
00:46After the month I was really excited to finally get my family to meet the baby
00:50but my wife was against it saying she wasn't ready yet.
00:54Though sad I agreed thinking that also meant she wasn't ready to see her family too.
00:58I came home one day after work to find her whole family
01:02seating in our living room passing the baby around.
01:05I thought this meant she was finally ready for my family to see my son too.
01:09I texted my family and told them they can visit now they were very happy.
01:14I told Mary what was happening and that she didn't need to worry about hosting
01:17since I was going to host. She got enraged that I had the nerve
01:21to invite them without her permission. I got angry too it had been 2 months now
01:26and my family hadn't even seen my kid, no pictures either.
01:30We had an argument and went to bed angry. I tried to be the bigger person
01:34and didn't let my family meet them till she was ready.
01:37I told my family this and they were disappointed my dad made a comment saying
01:42are we going to meet him when he's 18 or she's still not going to be ready.
01:47Seeing the comment I realized how unfair it was to them and decided to make it right.
01:52Yesterday I took my son an afternoon telling her I was going to the store.
01:56I brought him to my parents house they were over the moon to finally see him.
02:00Told my siblings and they came too. It was a nice time and we had a nice dinner.
02:05I went back home knowing it was going to be a fight and it was she yelled that I had no
02:09right to take our kid without her permission but I just ignored her fed my son and put him to bed.
02:15I slept in the spare room. Now her family has been harassing me
02:19and calling all sorts of names for hurting their daughter her dad has gone as far as threatening me.
02:24My family is on my side of course. I'm asking here for outside opinions.
02:45Concrete answer. Tell her gently but firmly that it's both of your child and you have a
02:51right for your family to know your child. It's concerning that her father threatened you.
02:56Tell her you didn't appreciate that and how sad it would be for her father to be in jail
03:01but you would absolutely press charges if necessary. Comment 2. NTA.
03:08Nor would you have been if you had cancelled the party she appears to have organized without your
03:12knowledge. Kids can create stress but be sure not to let that gunk up the communication between you
03:19both. If that happens then things start to resemble explosives rather than conversations.
03:25I'd be frank but firm with her this was unfair and inconsistent. We need to be on the same page
03:31about these sorts of things. Otherwise things can quickly come to resemble joint custody rather than
03:38parenting. Good luck dude. Comment 3. NTA. She's being unfair. That's your child too and your family
03:48deserves to meet your baby. Especially if her entire family already got to meet the baby.
03:55She may be suffering from ppa slash ppd though. I remember I had a hard time with anybody around
04:02for months after I gave birth. I especially didn't want anybody other than my family around.
04:08I sucked it up for my husband but it was hard to get around the fact I felt anxious when others
04:13held my baby. It doesn't excuse her fully but it may be worth it to have a conversation with her
04:19about her mental health. Comment 4. NTA. I, 27F, recently moved to the US from India for my master's.
04:29I have been working part-time and my experience so far has been a mixed bag.
04:34My first week at my job, I faced many microaggressions, particularly towards my
04:39cultural background. I am aware that India doesn't have the best reputation but some
04:44remarks on Indian food and culture from their end was completely unwarranted.
04:49The entire conversation was followed by two other colleagues commenting on how they changed their
04:54mind about trying Indian food after watching videos on TikTok. I told the manager after a
05:00day of being hesitant and he told them privately not to make such comments again. It has been some
05:06time since that incident and they, although aren't the most friendliest towards me, they haven't made
05:11comments or remarks that made me uncomfortable again. That was until my manager's wife threw a
05:17potluck at home and invited all of us recently. Since everyone was bringing some dish, I made
05:23chowmein and brought it to the potluck. Now, I have an Instagram page dedicated to my cooking,
05:29it isn't popular by any means but I had shared the ID to two girls I work with.
05:35Most of the food I have posted about is Indian and I believe the girls have shared my Instagram
05:40page to the others or at least talked about it. Once we were invited, they made a passing comment
05:46that they wanted to eat Indian food that I have cooked for them before. Context, after the first
05:52week at my job, whenever I bring some food with me in tiffin box, I eat it alone. However, one of
05:58the girls, A, saw me and asked if she could try it. It was dhokla, a Gujarati food, and she had
06:05loved it so I brought it for her the next day. The day of the party, I had brought chowmein that
06:11I made knowing that Chinese food is very popular and well-liked by all of them. Nothing happened
06:17in the potluck until almost at the end when B made a comment on how she expected that I would
06:22bring Indian food. That sentiment was resonated by some others so I said that I wasn't sure
06:27everyone would enjoy it here since I know for certain that some don't like Indian food and are
06:32not open to trying it. Was it petty? Yes but I didn't want anyone to feel entitled to me cooking
06:38Indian food for them after my first week at the job. I told A and B later that I would invite
06:44them to my house and cook them some of my favorite Indian recipes and they seemed very happy.
06:50But the next day at work, things seemed awkward and my manager said that my comment at the potluck
06:55had made his wife feel bad. Another person, C, stopped me later and said that I need to get over
07:02what happened or otherwise it would ruin the atmosphere for everyone again. I feel slightly
07:07angry at the situation and embarrassed. Comment 1. NTA. And wow that group needs some lessons in
07:15manners. You were in no way obligated to bring anything specific to the potluck. It was unbelievably
07:22rude of anyone to actually say you were expected to bring Indian food and then others piling on?
07:27And then your manager, unbelievable, and others having the nerve to say you made them uncomfortable?
07:34I am so sorry you've been treated this way. Those people should be ashamed. And I don't agree that
07:40the little remark you made at the potluck was petty, it was well deserved and good for you
07:45giving it back to them just a little. Comment 2. NTA. Honestly this feels like a lose-lose
07:52situation almost. If you had it made Indian, someone would have commented that they don't
07:58like slash aren't interested in trying Indian food. You didn't make Indian thinking you'd
08:03make something more likely to be universally enjoyed and they commented you didn't make
08:08Indian. I'd have maybe asked someone what they thought would be the better thing to make,
08:12possibly A if you've become close to her. Or even ask your manager what his wife would prefer
08:18and go by that. But like I said it feels a bit like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.
08:28My parents announced two months ago that they're getting divorced.
08:32I, 16F, did kinda see it coming but it still makes me sad. My half-sister, 25F, has been
08:39celebrating ever since she heard. She cheered when our dad told her. She has gloated in my mom's
08:46and my faces. She told mom she can forget about being a part of her life or going to her wedding
08:52now, half-sister is engaged. My half-sister always hated that dad remarried after her mom died,
08:59when she was five, and she said she never wanted to have my mom or me around. She was always praying
09:05for the end of the marriage. She used to try and break them up in the past. Dad would get so mad
09:11and frustrated with her but she never let the dream die and now her dream has come true.
09:17The last time mom or I saw my half-sister was when dad was moving out. She stopped by briefly
09:23and she gloated so hard. This was also when she told mom she was no longer invited to the wedding
09:29and no longer going to be a part of her life. My mom was upset. Despite my half-sister's dislike
09:36of her and constant disrespect, my mom loves her and she's sad to see it all end before they had a
09:42chance to be even friends. Though my mom always wanted to be family to my half-sister. My maternal
09:49aunt saw my sister had posted on social media a party she threw and it turned out she was celebrating
09:54the divorce. My parents were upset. I could shrug it off because I knew she'd be so happy about this
10:01and her celebration does not surprise me at all. But my parents asked me why I'm so calm and
10:07collected about this. I told them I expected her reaction and I always knew she wanted this badly.
10:14They said they would expect me to be upset. I told them maybe if I expected different from her but I
10:20didn't. I pointed out that everyone in her comments knew too. There were loads about how
10:25she always called it and how glad they were she got this win. To me it's so dumb. My aunt confronted
10:32me afterward and told me I should be making a bigger deal out of it because it looks like I
10:37don't care about the weird and over-the-top reaction from my half-sister. She said mom must
10:42feel like I don't care about her heartache at all. That it's rough to see a child she loved and helped
10:48raise cheer on the fact she's getting divorced from dad. Comment 1, NTA. Your sister is hurting
10:55you and both your parents with her lack of empathy. And to be frank, it doesn't sound like you're
11:00happy she's celebrating the end of your parents' marriage, you're just acting very maturely in the
11:05face of her childishness, and even said so to your parents. Your aunt seems to think that you reacting
11:11aggressively, while legitimate, your sister sounds immature, would make things better, while this
11:17might not necessarily be the case and it might even cause more stress in an already stressful
11:22situation. Comment 2, NTA. Honestly you seem like the only one in this situation with any emotional
11:30intelligence. Tell your mother that you understand why she is upset and that you empathize with her.
11:36However you are not going to invest any more emotion into a person that never gave a damn
11:40about you or your mom. Hopefully your mother can understand. As for the aunt, her to stay in her
11:47lane. She doesn't have the right to dictate how you feel. If she doesn't like, that's her problem
11:53to deal with. And let her know this topic is no longer up for debate. If the adults have a problem
11:59with anything, they can deal with it amongst themselves and should leave you out of it.
12:05Comment 3. Waiting for the update when dad starts dating someone new, half-sister realizes it went
12:12from her version of bad to worse and wants your mom and dad to get back together. Or somehow
12:17circles back around to use the we were family once. It's coming.
12:25I, 16M, have speech issues. I have a stutter and I also have trouble making certain sounds as well.
12:33I did speech therapy when I was younger and I'm better than I was but still can't say some things
12:38correctly. I was my parents' only child until now. My mom is pregnant with my baby sister.
12:45And they chose her name which is something I can't say correctly. The name is Michelle. I have
12:51a lot of trouble with the Chelle part and I don't say words like Chelle right either. My parents are
12:56really frustrated by it and they are saying I'm doing it intentionally because I don't like the
13:01fact it's a traditional name. They use the fact I want to change my name to say I'm being
13:07intentionally difficult. It hurts. They know I always struggled with this but now it's a great
13:13big issue. My stutter got worse because of the stress of my parents and now the name sounds even
13:19worse out of my mouth which angers them more. But I'm not doing it intentionally. I worked so hard
13:26for so long on the sounds. My maternal grandparents spoke in my defense but mom told them to shut up
13:33and said they were encouraging me. She was already pissed because they offered to pay for me to
13:38change my name. My mom said it was so wrong and this was just another way for them to undermine
13:43her and my dad as my parents. This led to me telling my parents it's unfair for them to blame
13:49me for saying the name wrong. I said it when they got on me again for how I was saying the name.
13:55They keep making me repeat it so I get it right. But I get worse because the pressure makes my
14:00stutter so bad. My parents told me I shouldn't talk to them about fare when I keep shitting on
14:06the names they love. Which I don't. I never said anything about Michelle and I regret telling them
14:12I hate my name and want something different. My name is Richard. Comment 1. NTA and I am going to
14:19be completely honest with you. They are absolutely making it worse for you to be able to say the name
14:24correctly due to stressing you out. Stress slash anxiety impacts people's ability to speak even if
14:31they don't have diagnosed issues when it comes to speech. There is a very famous study, completely
14:37unethical practices might I add, that proves this. Children were left with lifelong speech issues
14:43when they didn't have any prior because those conducting the study kept belittling those
14:47children for their speech. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Comment 2. NTA. I honestly
14:56cannot believe your parents would be giving you such a hard time knowing you have a speech issue.
15:01If you struggle with Shell, it's logical that Michelle would be difficult.
15:06Of course stressing over the pronunciation is going to make your stutter worse,
15:10not better. As a parent of a kid with speech issues it breaks my heart that they are making
15:15this worse for you. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and hard feelings built up around
15:21you not liking your own name. Perhaps that is blinding them to the fact that this isn't about
15:26you liking slash disliking the name. Either way I'm sorry this is happening. If your parents stick
15:33with the name perhaps you can call her Sissy or M. My friend Michelle goes by Michi, pronounced
15:39Michi. I'm sure you can find something that won't make you self-conscious every time you try to say
15:44her name.