Rumpole of the Bailey. S07 E04. Rumpole and the Reform of Joby Jonson.
First broadcast 19th November 1992.
Rumpole defends a juvenile delinquent on charges of assaulting an elderly woman, and Hilda is concerned when a burglar breaks in to steal evidence from his briefcase.
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Patricia Hodge ... Phyllida Erskine-Brown
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Robin Bailey ... Mr. Justice Gerald Graves
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Denis Lill ... Mr. Bernard
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Christopher Milburn ... Dave Inchcape
Camille Coduri ... Dot Clapton
Julian Glover ... Sir Sebastian Pilgrim
Julian Fellowes ... Tom Mottram MP
Sara Coward ... Elspeth Dodds
John Simm ... Joby Jonson
David MacCreedy ... 'Snouty' Smedley
Osaze Ehibor ... Marvel Perkins
James McKenna ... D.S. Appleby
Brian Hall ... Fred Bry
Madeleine Moffat ... Mrs Parsons (as Madaleine Moffatt)
Rumpole defends a juvenile delinquent on charges of assaulting an elderly woman, and Hilda is concerned when a burglar breaks in to steal evidence from his briefcase.
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Patricia Hodge ... Phyllida Erskine-Brown
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Robin Bailey ... Mr. Justice Gerald Graves
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Denis Lill ... Mr. Bernard
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Christopher Milburn ... Dave Inchcape
Camille Coduri ... Dot Clapton
Julian Glover ... Sir Sebastian Pilgrim
Julian Fellowes ... Tom Mottram MP
Sara Coward ... Elspeth Dodds
John Simm ... Joby Jonson
David MacCreedy ... 'Snouty' Smedley
Osaze Ehibor ... Marvel Perkins
James McKenna ... D.S. Appleby
Brian Hall ... Fred Bry
Madeleine Moffat ... Mrs Parsons (as Madaleine Moffatt)
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00This is Rumpole and the reform of Joby Johnson. Joby Johnson is a young lad who is accused
00:10of a crime against an old woman and Rumpole is defending him. Strangely enough Rumpole's
00:17house is broken into during the night and his briefcase with papers in it is stolen.
00:24But he goes on with this defence of a sort of artful dodger and a man who appears to
00:31be a man of excellent goodwill, Sir Sebastian Pilgrim, is interested in looking after the
00:39children, particularly the slightly delinquent children of the area and he comes to court
00:45and thinks that young Joby Johnson should confess and purge his crime in that way. Rumpole
00:53isn't too fond of people pleading guilty and he wants to go on defending Joby Johnson.
01:01And as he goes on defending him he uncovers strange and dark secrets. Really one of the
01:09models I had for writing this episode was Oliver Twist and Fagin. In fact in the room
01:18where I'm sitting and talking to you I have a framed letter from Dickens telling someone
01:25not to complain about him losing their manuscript because he's far too busy. So here he is in
01:30the room and here am I remembering Fagin and Rumpole.
01:48Rumpole. Rumpole. Yes? Can you hear something? Yes. What? I can hear you Hilda, you.
02:17Rumpole. What is it now? There's someone in the flat. Of course there is. We are in the flat. We usually are at night.
02:29Don't shush me. I didn't start this conversation. Can't you hear? Hear what? Sounds. Be not afraid Hilda.
02:37The flat is full of noises, sounds and sweet airs that delight and hurt not. Sometimes a thousand
02:43twangling instruments will hum about thine ears and sometimes voices that if I then had
02:49waked after long sleep will make me sleep again I sincerely hope. Good night. It's no doubt one of
02:54your friends, one of your business associates. What on earth do you mean? But it's some sort of burglar.
02:58Why don't you go and find out what he's after? No need to disturb the fellow. Oh Rumpole are you afraid? Hilda there is no
03:07burglar. You've been dreaming. Then prove it. I can't. I'm asleep. Asleep. Or is that a job you'd
03:13rather leave to a woman?
03:36All right Gav, it's a fair cop. It's just like you Rumpole to make a joke out of burglars.
03:41Well the television set still seems to be with us. Did you leave that window open? Yes. No. Oh I can't
03:48remember Hilda. I'd make a terrible witness. Ah that is odd. What is? My brief for the Queen versus
03:58Joby Johnson. No one's stolen that. No but. But what? I left it in my briefcase. Somebody's been at that.
04:06Look at it. That's not my bow. And this is not the way I leave a brief I've been working on.
04:11Checkbook. Mrs. Oath. Thingam is money. Untouched. There's nothing missing. Something is. What? A proof of
04:20evidence of Joby Johnson, alleged robber of old age pensioners. His statement of defense such as
04:25it was has melted into air. Into thin air. So somebody was here. Yes you're usually right of
04:34course. Somebody was. Any sort of news in the paper Philly? Some sort of news yes. War in Bulgaria.
04:46Earthquakes in South America. A new threat of global warming. No I mean important news. The
04:52list of the new QC's for instance. Ah well. Look for yourself. No no I I don't want to look for
05:01myself Philly. I'm not brave enough to look for myself. I don't think I could put up with another
05:06disappointment. The list of new Queen's counsel will be announced by the Lord Chancellor next
05:13month. It's expected to include. Me? Tabitha Meriwether the brilliant Ghanaian woman civil
05:20rights lawyer from Miles Crudgington's radical chambers in the Edgware Road. Nothing to say I'll
05:24get it. Nothing to say you won't. I mean you've asked often enough. Only five times Philly. They'll
05:29probably give it to you for persistence. We all know you got it first time. Bit of a fluke
05:34actually. No it wasn't a fluke. It's because you're a woman. Doing your fitness classes is you Joby?
05:54Getting you to share to beat up someone else's granny. That's a brave boy. Go in free rounds
06:02with an old lady. Oh never. You arguing with us boy? But I haven't been convicted. Oh he's innocent.
06:09Hear that snouty? They got you done as a granny busher. Do you want to argue? I'm not here to snouty. Not with you.
06:17I'm just in court. I mean me briefs gonna get me off. I'll leave it out will you? Leave it out. You put your
06:23hands up in court Joby. You've got no alternative. Trust us sunshine. You've got no better briefs than we
06:29are. Ah Erskine Brown. Ballard. I thought you'd be glad to know your name cropped up when I was
06:42speaking to old Keith from the Lord Chancellor's office. Did it? Ballard. Did it really? Naturally he was
06:48interested to hear my views as head of chambers on your application for silk. Interested? What do you mean
06:55really interested? I mean they're taking my application seriously. Naturally they take it seriously. Keith was
07:01saying it's become a sort of annual event like Christmas. You mean they look forward to it? Let's
07:07say they give it their serious consideration and I was able to let him have my views fairly fully.
07:14Thank You Ballard. Thank you very much. Yes yes yes of course. Yes I said I did not think there would be any
07:21repetition of the incidents in which you've been involved in the past. Such as the complaint I had
07:26to deal with lodged by our new typist Miss Clapton. You told Keith from the Lord Chancellor's department
07:33about the problem. Yes I felt it was my duty. It was some evidence which the Lord Chancellor might
07:38have to consider of your lack of gravitas. My lack of what? Bottom. What? It might be some
07:44indication that you are not fundamentally sound. Who said that Keith? From the Lord Chancellor's
07:50department. And I said it in your own best interests. You pompous prick! I don't think I heard that Eskin
08:00Brown. Oh yes you did Ballard and if you don't know what it means I suggest you ask Dot Clapton.
08:05It's a view of your character quite commonly held at number three Equity Court. Pompous? What exactly?
08:20What have you done to your face? Accident. Oh yes, mistook it for an ashtray did you? That's right yeah. We can
08:29help you make a complaint to the governor. Leave it out. Oi. What? You leave it out and all. You want to get me killed or something?
08:37No strange as it may seem Joby we're trying to get you off. Now then a Mrs. Louisa Parsons age 75
08:45living at an end house number one Ponder Cherry Road somewhere behind Euston station answered
08:51a ring at her front door on the morning of October the 19th. A youth was there who said you still
08:56living here Mrs. Parsons and then ran off. Later that day a person she identifies as the same youth
09:03though his face was partially covered again rang her doorbell and when she answered it forced his
09:08way in attacked her punched her in the face and stomach. Oh charming. Tied her up with some clothes
09:14from the kitchen kicked her broke up most of the crockery and some of the furniture in the house
09:18left with Mrs. Parsons post office savings book in which there was a balance of five pounds 79
09:24pence. She later identified the defendant Joby Johnson at an identification parade in Euston
09:32Nick. And that is the first time I ever set my eyes on the old bat at the ID parade. Joby it
09:39might be as well when you're giving evidence to resist the temptation to call the victim an old
09:44bat. It is not an expression likely to endear you to the jury. Oh by the way have you got a spare
09:49copy of Joby's statement. Mine seems to have warped in the night. The defense is an alibi Mr.
09:55Rumple if you remember. You read what I said didn't you? Yes Joby of course I did. Over the last few
10:00months it's been my sole bedtime study. So far as I can remember. That's a promising start isn't it?
10:06So far as I can remember at the time Mrs. Parsons was attacked I was hanging about near the super
10:12loo in Euston station with three girls down from Manchester who were singing and dancing a bit.
10:17Mr. Barnard says that you was a brilliant brief. Can't you even get me off on this? I may well be
10:24a brilliant brief Joby but I am unable to walk on water or transmute base metals into gold. Nor
10:32am I able to make use of a so-called alibi which ignores the most important piece of evidence in
10:37this case. Oh yeah what's that meant to be then? Your palm print on Mrs. Parsons front door. Yeah
10:46well I'm not for putting me hands up as long as that's clear. I don't care what day says. You've got that.
11:03Not exactly the most likable young man Mr. Rumple. Mr. Barnard that is the understatement
11:10of the year. Do you know what's deteriorated since the good old bad old days? The character
11:17of our young offenders. Where have all the artful Dodgers gone? And where are all those
11:22cheerful cockney pickpockets that stuck their thumbs in their waistcoats and says watch him
11:26you old corksperrer? It was a sad day for England and the artful Dodgers turned into the Joby Johnson's.
11:41Dot. Yes Henry. I couldn't have better staff than you Dot. A senior clerk would not wish for more efficient staff or more pleasant and I've done my very best to make you feel thoroughly at home here in Equity Court. But a barrister's chambers is well a barrister's chambers. You've got some criticism of my typing Henry. Quite frankly Dot your typing has been little short of perfection.
12:10Or at the speed at which I get the fee notes out. You get the fee notes out Dot at the speed of light. What I wanted to say was well barristers. I mean some of them are what I suppose you'd call old-fashioned. Old-fashioned? I'd call them museum pieces still in wire fronts and braces if anyone cared to look.
12:29Something amusing you Mr. Erskine-Brown? No, no. Really nothing Dot. Honestly nothing. It's just that I haven't had much to laugh at recently that's all.
12:45I say Dot congratulations. That's what chambers need. Someone to make a statement. After all we're not all clones are we? We're not all imitation male lawyers in pinstripes. We're the Great Sisterhood of Free Spirits. Are you Miss Probert? I'm just trying to get on with Mr. Inchcape's typing. Dot there's a couple more pages of the particulars of negligence. Well leave them here Mr. Inchcape. I'll make you my top priority.
13:15Mr. Rumpole? It's the office of the undersecretary at the Home Office. I wonder if you'd find it convenient to call in for a brief word? Oh does it really? Tell him we'll try and fit him in with my other engagements. Sorry I'll have to call you back on that one. I'll have to find a little window of time in Mr. Rumpole's diary. Henry? Yes Mr. Ballard? I shall have to call a chambers meeting on the most serious situation that has just arisen. I hope you will all be able to attend as a matter of urgency.
13:42I don't know about that Ballard. It depends on my business with her majesty's government.
13:48Tom Wattram. Undersecretary Home Affairs with special responsibility for prisons. I'm the fellow
13:53who tries to keep them in. Horace Rumpole, counsel for the defense. I'm the fellow who tries to keep
13:58them out. Good. Was that good Elspeth? Elspeth Dodds, parliamentary private secretary. Hello.
14:06Do come sit down Mr. Rumpole. You may have wondered why I asked you to drop by. Please.
14:15It's about a young lad called Joby Johnson. Oh really? I'm a constituency MP. I hope a good one.
14:25I've had Joby Johnson's mother round at my surgery week in week out poor woman.
14:30She really is quite distracted. I expect she is. I've told the old girl that I'd see he was
14:35properly defended. Of course I was delighted to hear you were appearing for him. I know you'll
14:39see that he doesn't make things worse by putting up some sort of stupid defense. So can I tell
14:45her he's being well looked after? Oh yes he's having the time of his life. Banged up for 23 hours
14:51a day in a seven foot cell with a couple of chamber pots and a sworn enemy that passes the time by
14:58stubbing cigarettes out on his face. And of course Joby Johnson is entirely innocent.
15:04Innocent? Oh that's interesting. Is that your view of the matter? As innocent as we all are.
15:10Until 12 fellow citizens come back into court and tell him he's guilty.
15:15You're giving us your courtroom performance. It's very good. Isn't it Elspeth? Oh very good indeed.
15:23I was merely trying to point out the conditions endured by prisoners on remand.
15:29Worse than they were a hundred years ago. We know that don't we Elspeth? Only too well I'm afraid Mr
15:34Rumpole. And our minister will be the first to agree with you. Then why doesn't your minister
15:39do something about it? Unfortunately we live in a democracy. We have to listen to the instructions
15:44of our masters with the votes. So we prefer to leave prison reform to the private sector.
15:50People like you of course. And Seb Pilgrim. Who? You don't know Seb? He runs Yert.
15:58Runs what? Youth Enterprise Reform Trust. You must have heard of Sir Sebastian Pilgrim.
16:04He's an absolutely splendid fellow. He carried his bat for England. He does wonderful things
16:10with hopeless cases like Joby Johnson. Teaches them cricket. Gives them a bit of pride in
16:15themselves. Really reforms their characters. You two should get together. Oh really? Do you think
16:22so? I've never carried my batter anyway. Hilda! Hilda! What's wrong? Is it an air raid? Don't be so silly Rumpole. It's perfectly simple. You just press 34896 and the yellow button and you'll see it quiet immediately.
16:40What else have you installed? Death rays? Man traps? You're going to sit in the kitchen all night with
16:45a double barrel shotgun? Come on now darling. You've got to give the criminal classes a chance to
16:50earn their living. Oh hello. Good afternoon Mr Rumpole. Kensington CID DS Appleby. Your wife
17:00called us in again. Seems the villains have turned against you. What's the matter sir?
17:05Been losing their cases have you? Very amusing. I insisted Mr Appleby came back to look for
17:10fingerprints Rumpole. To you Mr Appleby. Thank you madam. A very thorough investigator you're a good lady
17:16Mr Rumpole. She knows my job better than I do. Oh yes Mrs Rumpole's one of nature's detective
17:22superintendents. I shouldn't worry about that if I were you. It's almost certainly a professional
17:27wearing gloves. And didn't take anything of value as I understand it sir. Just some papers out of
17:31one of your cases. Now I wonder who could have been interested in that? Yes I've been wondering about that myself.
17:43Hello yes Rumpole speaking.
17:47What? Sir Sebastian Pilgrim wants a word with me? What about?
17:52Joe B. Johnson. Yes all right join the queue. A pompous prick. I called him that. Our head of
18:00chambers. And the next table was full of solicitors. That Claude was the most persuasive and
18:07accurately phrased speech you ever made down the old bay. As well as the shortest. He told Keith
18:12from the Lord Chancellor's office that I had no bottom. Yes well he's got enough for both of you.
18:18But I wasn't fundamentally sound. I've a good mind to tell the Lord Chancellor a few home truths about our leader.
18:26Like the fact that he's a smarmy hypocritical god-bothering vegetarian. No Claude the time
18:31for speeches is over. The time for action has come. The hour of decision. Oh Philly
18:37what does that mean exactly? It means Claude I am on the case.
18:41Mr Rumpole. That's me. I'm Fred Bry. I've come to take you to Sir Sebastian Pilgrim. Thank you.
19:11Thank you.
19:26Yours Mr Rumpole.
19:30Oh I'm I'm sure it's yours.
19:33Oh not in the least. I'm allergic to any form of sport. Except for teasing her majesty's judges.
19:40You're very famous among our lads.
19:44You're not allergic to a drink I hope. I thought you'd never ask.
19:49I'm sorry Mr Rumpole. The lads have voted this uh smoke-free zone. Oh really? What are you running
19:56here? A monastery? Oh very funny. Delightful wit. That's what old Tom Mottram told me about you.
20:02No I don't make the rules. The boys do. Self-discipline. That's the name of the game.
20:08Oh I thought it was cricket. No alcohol. No smoking and of course if anyone catches one of
20:13their number dropping an E. A what? Ecstasy. Anyone indulging in any sort of drug gets a
20:19hard time from the other fellas. A very hard time indeed. It's no good imposing rules from above.
20:26How's the coffee? I'm afraid we're not up to your gastronomic standards Mr Rumpole.
20:32We have more important things to think about. Yes. Joby Johnson for instance. Ah yes Joby.
20:40I must admit I'm worried about Joby. Most people seem to be. What we find here is that the first
20:46step to reform is to admit to what you've done. If only to your mates. Plead guilty you mean?
20:52Even if you only admit it to yourself. Look over there. What we call our quiet corner.
20:59What is it? A prayer meeting? Oh yes something like that. Now the young lads over there are
21:04coming out with all their crimes. They talk them through and then Fred Bright tells them where
21:09that sort of thing leads. Your driver? And Fred should know he just done six years for robbery
21:15when I found a job for him. So you believe confession's good for the soul do you? Don't you?
21:22Oh perhaps. It's not much good at keeping you out of the nick. If you could just get him to admit
21:28what he's done if only to himself you could get him to face up to it. Not to tell any silly lies.
21:35It could be the beginning of his way back to reality. It could be the beginning of about
21:39five years in choking. He's come here often over the last two years. He's had his talking sessions
21:45in the pit with Fred and the other fellows. I just don't want to write him off. It's one of my
21:50failures. I'm sure we both want to do what's best. I'm sure. Tell me what can I do to help?
21:59Well I could call you as a character witness. A bit more impressive than a shrink or the local
22:05picker. I call Sir Sebastian Pilgrim. You can count on me Mr Rumpole I tell you. You can count on me.
22:14You were talking about Joby Mr Rumpole. You and Seb? Oh uh yes we were yes.
22:22Big disappointment to us Joby. Terrible disappointment.
22:27We did our best with Joby. We both tried hard. Well it's over to you now Mr Rumpole.
22:35Get the boy to own up to what he's done. It's the only way. Certain standards of civilization have
22:42to be maintained at Equity Court. I mean we couldn't have people turning up in war paint
22:46could we? No Sam. You're absolutely right of course. Well thank you very much Mrs Erskine Brown.
22:53I don't see why not. What did you say Rumpole? I said I don't see why not. I'm all for anything
22:59that adds a bit of drama to the surroundings. Now if you'd come into the clerk's room this morning
23:03ballard wearing full war paint waving an ass a guy on your way to particularly bloody summons under
23:09Rumpole we are at something of a crisis in Equity Court. I mean if this sort of thing goes unchecked
23:14we could be off down the slippery slope towards... What? Suede shoes. What? They tell me there are
23:22men in Miles Crutchington's set who go into chambers wearing suede shoes. Shock horror. Yes
23:27so you see what this sort of thing can lead to. Oh you're so right Sam. That is the most terrible
23:31warning. I agree with you ballard 100 percent. Dot was making an unacceptable statement of female
23:38submission. It was nothing but a kind of harem signal to any would-be sheik foolish enough to
23:44take her up on the offer. Dot's nose not to put too fine a point on it is politically incorrect.
23:51Erskine Brown do you not have an opinion on this matter? Oh I don't imagine I've got enough
23:57bottom to express an opinion. Of what? Gravitas. Ballard doesn't think I've got enough of it.
24:03Gravitas. Sounds like a breakfast food. Well sorry it must be our pressure of business. Can't
24:09spend any more time on this discussion fascinating though it may be. Just before you go Rumpole I
24:14suggest we leave all further action in this matter to our head of chambers. I'm sure Sam Ballard
24:18will deal with it with his usual wisdom. You're feeling quite well Portia. Oh perfectly well thank
24:25you Rumpole. Yes I am positive that Sam can be trusted to have a tactful word in the appropriate
24:30quarter can't you Sam? Oh Inchcape. You uh you didn't say what you thought about the rich ornament
24:42in Dorothea Clapton's nostril. To be quite honest Rumpole I never even noticed it was there.
24:48Oh did you not? No. How very interesting. Hello Dot. I just popped in to see what's on for tomorrow.
24:58Mr Rumpole I wanted your advice. Ah now well I don't have any opinion one way or the other. I
25:03suppose it does add a touch of color to chambers. What adds a touch of color? Oh nothing in particular.
25:10About my dad. He lives not far from here actually. Oh I thought you and Henry hailed from Bexley Heath.
25:16That's where my mum lives. They split up when I was about seven. Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Don't
25:21worry it wasn't a great tragedy. My dad's an awkward sort of customer. Call him bloody minded
25:25and you'd be paying him a compliment. The thing is they want to do some new development down his
25:30street but he won't sell them his house. Tells them he's too old to move now anyway and tells
25:35them to sod off if you pardon my French. Ah well now that's a property Lord Dot. It's hardly my
25:42speciality de la maison. Now if your dad had committed a murder. Perhaps he will if they go
25:46on asking him to sell up. They send people around with letters now telling him he's got to move
25:51and what a lot of good it'll do him. He's got them ringing on his doorbell all hours.
25:55Oh that must be highly irritating. Well where does he live exactly? McGlinty Terrace. Oh yeah.
26:02Round behind Euston Station. Do you know the area? I think I might do. Yes.
26:11You were superb today Sam. Well thank you for your support Mrs. Eskin-Brown. Phyllida.
26:16Yes of course Phyllida. Think nothing of it. What I admired was the way that you managed to
26:22dominate the proceedings and yet everything was well fun. Well I do try to make our chambers
26:26meetings enjoyable occasions. And you succeed Sam. You really do. I suppose it's just your
26:31personality. Really? Do you know something? All these years that you and I have been the only two
26:37silks in chambers. Do you know we've never had lunch together. Wouldn't that strike you as rather
26:44strange? No not really. No um I mean you're a member of Inner Temple and I'm at Grey's Inn
26:50and we've just never had lunch in the same place. Sam why don't you invite me?
26:56All right then Phyllida I will. There's a very nice little health food bar in Fetter Lane.
27:03Oh that doesn't sound terribly romantic to me. What about the Savoy Grill?
27:09Savoy Grill? That's the one I thought you'd never ask.
27:12There's a profile of one of your friends here Rumpo. You ought to be proud of him.
27:17Oh what friend is that? Well not one of your criminal classes certainly. Not one of your
27:21beloved burglars who entered by way of the fire escape to rob us. No no this is someone you ought
27:26to be proud of. You might invite him round to dinner one night. Invite who round to dinner
27:31Hilda? Sir Sebastian Pilgrim. One time all rounder for England. Oh I see.
27:37Invite who round to dinner Hilda? Sir Sebastian Pilgrim. One time all rounder for England.
27:43Seems he spends much of his time trying to reform young criminals. You don't spend much of your
27:48time trying to do that do you Rumpo? That wouldn't be your sort of thing at all.
27:52Neither is Cricket. He's also a brilliant businessman. Chairman of Maidenover Holdings.
27:57Seb told his shareholders recently I believe in England. Oh good for him. I suppose the rest of
28:04us think it's a figment of our imagination do we? He was in partnership with Tom Mottram MP
28:09until Mr Mottram joined the government and resigned all his directorships.
28:13They're planning to build a multi-story hotel and shopping centre. Tom Mottram. So that's the
28:19connection. Did they say where this monstrous carbuncle is going to be dumped? Why? You were
28:23thinking of investing. Oh perhaps a little of my time. Behind Euston station.
28:34I've been away such a lot doing these boring big cases all over the world I didn't realize
28:40what I was missing. Didn't you? And what were you missing exactly? Well to be honest Sam my head of
28:46chambers. My head? Well in a word you. I do think about you quite a lot you know when I'm all alone
28:54in places like Hong Kong. You think about me in Hong Kong? You don't mind do you? Well of course
29:00not mrs Eskin Brown. Phyllida. I mean I can't stop thinking about whoever you like.
29:04Phyllida. But I've never been to Hong Kong. Oh yes you have in my thoughts.
29:11Really?
29:15I didn't know. Oh Sam I can see you've had lots of practice chatting up women over lunch.
29:21Well not really no. I quite often send miss Clapton out for sandwiches.
29:26Which reminds me. I've asked Henry to have a tactful word with her about the subject we
29:32were discussing. Her nose. Yes exactly. Splendid. Takes a real man to act as decisively as that.
29:38You know the odd thing is that Claude believes that he might do better with the Lord Chancellor
29:42if he were a woman. What do you think of that? I think that's very silly. So do I. I mean Claude
29:47Eskin Brown couldn't possibly be a woman could he? I think he found it extremely difficult. Yes
29:51so much as well forget the idea and settle down to being himself. I think that's what he's afraid
29:55of. He said you'd had a little chat about his application with dear old Keith from the Lord
30:00Chancellor's office. Yes Eskin Brown doesn't seem too pleased about that. In fact he used an
30:04expression which I couldn't possibly repeat. Well not in a public place. Oh that's right. Yes he
30:09called you a... Phyllida Phyllida um pas de vent le waiter. Um is this champagne? Of course it is.
30:16Did I order this? Of course you did. I think you wanted to celebrate the fact that we're going out
30:21together at long long last. Causes a rather curious sensation in the nose. You've got to
30:30forgive Claude. He had a deprived childhood. That's the sort of language chaps pick up at Winchester.
30:36You um you didn't think he ought to take silk? In his own best interests Phyllida. Oh you're
30:45fibbing Sam. You were thinking entirely of me. Was I? You thought that I'd get less leading briefs
30:51with Claude competing. Well look I want to be entirely honest with you now that we've become
30:58real friends. Do you? Of course I do and I want you to be the first to know.
31:06I shan't be looking for leading briefs in the future. You shan't? I'm leaving the bar. Phyllida!
31:11For good. I've made up my mind. Oh don't look so sad Sam. I'm not leaving the country or anything.
31:17We'll still be able to meet and um you know what might make it really easy for me? Easy?
31:25If Claude were away in let's say Hong Kong doing leading briefs for long periods of time
31:33you and I could have lunch together. You'd like that wouldn't you?
31:38Yes Phyllida. I believe I would. Well look do me a small favor. Help us both. How?
31:49Just pick up the phone to dear old Keith in the Lord Chancellor's office. Tell him there can be no
31:55possible objection to Claude being entirely wrapped in silk even though he is a man.
31:59And that would make it easier for you and help you and Claude? It would help you and me Sam
32:05considerably.
32:11Here's to us both.
32:17Regina versus Johnson coming up next Mr Rumpole. Yes indeed. Doesn't look like a winner. No and be
32:24warned Mr Bernard. We are up against one of the most subtle tacticians. The artfulest dodger
32:32Daniel Berry. Oh who's that Mr Rumpole? Mrs Phyllida Ruskin-Brown QC. Oh the Porsche of our
32:39chambers. Yes a silk to prosecute? Yep. Putting us up before the red judge. I heard a whisper in
32:45the mist Otis our boy was getting the start treatment. Oh well mugging is the flavor of
32:48the month isn't it? The powers that be want to show that they're all terribly concerned.
32:53Still never despair Bonnie Bernard. There are still a few things we can do. Oh such as? Oh just
33:00routine inquiries. Here you are. There. Get in touch with a Mr Clapton of McGlinty Terrace.
33:08That's around near Euston station. See how far that is from Pondicherry Road. Would you?
33:15Go and discover everything you can about these people. Maiden over holdings? Maiden over holdings
33:22yes and any estate agents that they might employ. Oh and we're well we're still on the subject of
33:29young Dawkins. Dawkins? Dawkins? Who's Dawkins Mr Rumpole? Oh John Dawkins the original artful
33:39dodger. Let us not forget that he was only part of a much wider organization
33:45being run from old Fagin's thieves kitchen.
33:52I don't know if you've had much experience with this judge have you Portia?
33:56Graves? No never been before him. You? To my deep regret. Silence in court. All stand.
34:05Mr Injustice Graves is an absolute four-letter man. He's humorless, tedious, unsympathetic,
34:12and unjust. In a word Portia our judge is a complete pain in the fundament. Mr Rumpole
34:19it may come as a surprise to you to know that the acoustics in this court are absolutely perfect.
34:25And my hearing is exceptionally keen and I can hear absolutely every word that is spoken
34:33on counsel's benches. See what I mean? Henry it's still there. I saw it this morning. The
34:43undesirable ornament. I thought you were going to speak to Miss Clapton. Didn't the chambers meeting
34:47decide as you were going to do that Mr Ballard as head? Yes yes yes they most certainly did
34:51and I deputed the task to you. Now I'm sorry sir but no that is well outside normal clerking
34:56duties. It's not for me to make personal and provocative remarks to valued staff. Very well
35:01very well I shall have to do it myself but not now. I'm due before the recorder in 10 minutes.
35:05Um is mrs Erskine Brown in this court? She is indeed sir prosecuting Mr Rumpole. Yes well I
35:11expect she'd appreciate it. I just popped my head in and said good morning.
35:15We say that Johnson viciously attacked this lady old enough to be his grandmother and robbed her
35:22of what were no doubt her small lifetime savings. £5.79 pence. Did you say something Mr Rumpole?
35:31I was just reminding my learned friend my lord that the amount concerned in this case is exactly
35:35£5.79 new pence. Mr Rumpole I have no doubt we shall be hearing from you later. Now I think we
35:42might let mrs Erskine Brown open her case without any more frivolous interruptions. Yes mrs Erskine
35:48Brown. Yes mrs Erskine Brown.
36:02It remains to be seen members of the jury what sort of defense if any will be put forward for
36:08Johnson. It is alleged that while this appalling attack was taking place Johnson was dancing with
36:20some girls from Manchester outside the super loo at Euston station. What is a super loo exactly?
36:28It is I believe my lord a kind of superior laboratory. A kind of superior laboratory?
36:36Hmm. McGlinty Terrace. There we are. Turning off Pondicherry Road. Right behind Euston station.
36:44Did you say something Mr Rumpole? Oh nothing more at the moment my lord no.
36:56Some weeks later mrs Parsons did you attend an identification parade?
37:00I did and the police officers they were very kind to me. They made me a cup of tea and yes.
37:06And did you identify the youth who visited you twice on the 19th and attacked you on the second
37:12occasion? There he is. You are pointing to the defendant Joby Johnson. Thank you very much. Mr
37:18Rumpole I managed to get copies of the letter to your friend Mr Clapton. Ah not uh not a friend
37:24just the father of a friend. Thank you Bonnie Bernard. I suppose you have questions Mr Rumpole.
37:33Uh mrs Parsons do you own your little house in Pondicherry Road? My husband saved for it. Worked
37:39all his life. He's a booking clerk at the station. Yes were you not offered a considerable sum of
37:44money for that little house? I wasn't going to move no matter how often they asked me.
37:50Now mrs Parsons you say that on that morning a young man rang at your front door
37:57and said are you still living here mrs Parsons? Yes he did. Did you think that there was any
38:04connection with that question with the repeated requests to you to sell your house?
38:09Not at the time no. My lord this witness can't be invited to speculate. We should leave such
38:15such flights of fancy to my lonely friend. My sentiments entirely mrs Erskine Brown.
38:20Move on to the next matter Mr Rumpole. Oh nice one Portia. You've got old death head eating out
38:25of your hand. Mr Rumpole. I didn't hear that. Oh did you not my lord? Must be the acoustics.
38:35Mrs Parsons later that day a young man rang at your front door. When you went to answer it he
38:40attacked and robbed you. I heard the bell I thought he's back again so I'll give him a piece
38:45of my mind. So you weren't frightened when you went to answer the door the second time? Not then
38:50no. I was when I saw him though. Oh why? Well he had this um what they call it um balaclava.
38:58A balaclava yes. Yes you say in your statement that the caller's face was hidden at that time.
39:06It was hidden a bit yes. Well mrs Parsons how do you know it was the same boy?
39:12Right jury. Confession time. Confessions good for the soul they say. Come on admit it. Somebody told
39:21you to go to mrs Parsons house and say you're still living here mrs Parsons and then Scarpa
39:25didn't they? That was in the morning. What'd you do in the afternoon? I told you. Yes and for once
39:30I believe you. Dropping an E you'd bought from some girls down from Manchester which led to an
39:37unseemly display of folk dancing outside the super loo in Euston station and doubtless a horrible
39:43reaction of shivering thirst and a certain loss of memory. How comes you know so much about doing
39:50an E mr Rumpole? How come mr Rumpole knows about everything? I know you went to that house in the
39:56morning because your palm print was on the door and mrs Parsons saw you. That's why she picked you
40:01out at the ID parade. I know you did not go there in the afternoon because the group you work for
40:08was so desperate to find out our defense they burgled my flat. They're dead scared you're going
40:12to tell the truth Joby. They're scared you're going to tell them that another lad came after
40:17you and did the serious business. You're going to have to tell the truth before this case is over.
40:22What's this um this group you're on about? Oh don't you play games with me sunshine. You know
40:29perfectly well who I mean. You are sir Sebastian Pilgrim? I am. Needing no introduction to us I'm
40:37sure. At least not to those of us who witnessed your century against Pakistan at Lord's and your
40:44final test. I've no doubt the jury remember. And do you run an organization called the Youth
40:52Enterprise and Reform Trust allegedly to help young men who have fallen into criminal ways?
41:00Once again sir Sebastian your wonderful work with Yurt is well known to many of us. I do run that
41:07organization to help delinquent boys yes I don't know why mr Rumpole uses the word allegedly. No
41:12doubt a slip of the tongue. Wasn't it mr Rumpole? Not exactly my lord no if I may go on a little my
41:19meaning will become clear. Are you also the chairman of Maiden Over Holdings which plans
41:25a development behind Euston station of a large hotel and a tourist shopping centre? I am. And
41:31weren't you having trouble with certain householders who refused to sell their homes to you to make way
41:37for this magnificent and palatial development? No particular trouble. Oh were you not Usher?
41:46Do you employ among others a firm of estate agents called Jebba and Jonas?
41:53The name's familiar. Oh please answer the question do you employ them or not?
41:57From time to time. Is that a letter from Jebba and Jonas to a Mr Peter Clapton
42:03of McGlinty Terrace asking him to sell his home to make way for a new development?
42:09It would appear to be so. Was that your hotel development? I don't know anyone else with
42:14similar plans. Perhaps no one else is so anxious to invest in the future of this great city
42:20mr Rumpole. And was a mrs Parsons of Pondicherry Road another householder who refused to sell
42:28her house to your company? I really don't remember. Oh do try. In any event I'm sure she
42:35was made a very fair offer. Sir Sebastian do you hold the view that delinquents should admit
42:41what they have done and tell the truth about it? Oh yes I believe that is the start of reform.
42:47Do you really want Joby Johnson to tell the truth about this case? Yes. Very well. He came to your
42:55club after having been in trouble over some minor matters. Yes my lord I thought there was some good
43:02in the lad. I hoped I might make rather a useful spin bowler out of him. Not so useful as yours
43:07sir Sebastian if we remember the Australian wickets in 1975. Went down like nine pins members of the jury.
43:18And quite a useful messenger to send around about your company's business.
43:23Well of course not. Oh why not sir Sebastian? I don't wish to be unkind but Joby's not exactly
43:29the brightest of lads. He's not the sort of boy you could trust with any sort of business.
43:33Well uh what sort of boy would you trust? I don't know what you mean. Who did you choose
43:39then to terrorize mrs Parsons into selling her house to you? What? Isn't that the sort of job
43:45you offer to enterprising young men sir Sebastian Pilgrim? That is an absolutely ridiculous suggestion.
43:52There is no truth in it at all. Mr Rumpole you will confine yourself to questions about your
43:58client's character. Delighted my lord. Always anxious to please. Well sir Sebastian I'm glad
44:04we can agree about some things. Joby Johnson's talents are strictly limited. Good enough perhaps
44:11to send round before lunch with the final warning but the afternoon terrorist attack had to be done
44:17by another of your protégés partly shrouded in a balaclava helmet. Mr Rumpole this is quite
44:22intolerable. You persist in attempting to involve this most distinguished gentleman in the terrible
44:27crime of which your client stands accused. That is not the way in which we play the game
44:34in these courts. I'm so sorry my lord. I have never entirely understood the rules of cricket.
44:40Oh Dot give my regards to your dad. Tell him he's been a great help. Are you going to win Mr Rumpole?
44:53I have hopes. Dare I say great hopes. Oh tell him to watch out for young men in balaclava helmets.
44:59I reckon dad can look after himself. He's an old terror daddies. Good good. Oh by the way Dot. Yes
45:05Mr Rumpole? About that precious ornament in your nose. We had a chambers meeting about that.
45:10You never. Yes we did. Oh nothing much was decided. Young Dave Inchcape. Yes Mr Rumpole?
45:18He said he'd never even noticed it.
45:24Oh Philidor. I did it a couple of weeks ago. Congratulations. Did what exactly? Spoke to old
45:30Keith from the Lord Chancellor's office. I told him I'd been quite wrong about Claude and that
45:34recently he'd been showing a good deal of gravitas. How about bottom? Yes quite a lot of that too.
45:40Oh good good. Well I'm glad you put that right. So Philidor. Philidor!
45:46So how about lunch? Honestly it really is very nice in the health food bar and there's a little
45:53corner table and I wouldn't have to send a taxi back to chambers like last time for an extra sub
45:58from petty cash. Sorry by lord I'm going to be rather too busy if a lunch is out in the foreseeable future.
46:10Could I just um glance at the times?
46:30Oh I say. Fabulous day. Absolutely fabulous. Keep the change. Buy yourself a drink old chap.
46:39Two drinks if necessary with the compliments of one of her majesty's council. Learned in the law.
46:53Johnson the jury reached a verdict with which I entirely agree. You chose through your
47:00representative Mr Rumpole to make an entirely unwarranted attack on a great British sportsman
47:07and public figure. A man who has devoted his life to the reform of youths such as yourself.
47:17Unhappily you have proved to be quite unreformable. You will be detained for five years. Take him down.
47:28Bowled out in Bonnie Bernard by the bloody umpire.
47:39Excuse me sir.
47:43Rumpole. Hello there dear old Rumpole. You've read the times today of course. No not much of it.
47:50I've had other things on my mind. The silk list. I shall be leading you my dear old fellow.
47:55I shall be sitting in front of you. Well after today's result I probably deserve it.
48:03It's gone. Thank you Henry. I said nothing Mr Ballard. It not being my place to advise staff
48:08on such matters. Yes yes yes yes yes. Well no doubt she understood my feelings on the matter
48:12and now we have Miss Clapton's nose in a state of decency. Well that's another rather difficult
48:17problem in chambers solved. My sole success. Oh Eskin Brown by the way. Congratulations.
48:22Oh thank you Ballard. Seems that gravitas is no longer called for. No no no no. I meant your wife
48:29Philly. You must be very very proud. What about Philly? Well haven't you seen the front page
48:33with the photograph? No I was only looking for the silk list. Good heavens. Well she never told me.
48:42Mrs Erskine Brown never told anyone. Not even her clerk. Oh Portia how thou art translated.
48:47So that's what she meant when she said she was leaving the bar.
48:53So that's in court. All stand.
49:01If your ladyship pleases. Yes Mr Erskine Brown. Your ladyship has of course with your ladyship's usual
49:20firm judgment put your finger upon the hearth the very nub of this case. Mr Erskine Brown if you have a point please get to it.
49:27If your ladyship pleases. Yes Mr Erskine Brown. Your ladyship has of course with your ladyship's usual firm judgment
49:32put your finger upon the hearth the very nub of this case. Mr Erskine Brown if you have a point please get to it.
49:50Yes. Yes Rumpole speaking. Oh detective. No no I don't mind you ringing late.
50:00Hilda. Sh Rumpole I meant to be asleep. I thought you'd like to know you were right about the
50:06fingerprints. They found one. Hilda are you awake? I am now. The thumbprint of someone sent down for
50:14robbery with violence many years ago. The old con who drives for the great cricketer and reforms
50:20the young Fred Bry. It was Fred Bry who entered our premises by night. You know what this means
50:27don't you? It means that the case of Joby Johnson is not entirely over. Good in which case I'm very
50:34glad I had that burglar alarm installed. Good night Rumpole.
50:44Hilda. Yes. You still awake? Yes unfortunately. Thank you for insisting about chasing up those
50:53fingerprints Hilda. Well it just goes to show how important it is to have a woman on the case.