1985 Stitches Full Hot Movie
Stitches is a 1985 American hot comedy film directed by Rod Holcomb as Alan Smithee and starring Parker Stevenson, Geoffrey Lewis, Eddie Albert and Brian Tochi. It depicts the misadventures of three students in medical school.
Transcript
00:00:00My Outro For My 20th Birthday
00:00:30Terence Newton, our first Dean of Medicine at Brantford, once said,
00:00:38Human beings are limited by the mere fact that they understand almost everything else in this world better than the workings of their own bodies.
00:00:47These photographs and these sculptured busts represent the individuals who have charted the world's most important maps, the maps of the human body.
00:00:57This skeleton is no Halloween decoration. It is the framework for the most intricate and delicately balanced machine known to mankind.
00:01:07The skeleton epitomizes the ironies of life, sturdy enough to absorb the punishment of war,
00:01:14yet with such grace and dexterity that you can dance on your toes, make music with your fingers, and stroll upright on a beautiful day.
00:01:24The air in these halls is thick with tradition. The walls are made with knowledge. Consider it a privilege to be here.
00:01:34To grow, we must never cease trying to find out the how and the why. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what anatomy is about.
00:01:44Anatomy is the key to medicine.
00:01:57I'll give you your table assignments. Table 1, Ducal Wing Flower.
00:02:01Table 2, Campbell William Santori.
00:02:043, Morton Hernandez.
00:02:064, Clark Gordon.
00:02:085, Princeton Galliano.
00:02:106, Papas Robinson Rossi.
00:02:137, Brooks Thompson.
00:02:158, Miller and Stanford.
00:02:21These are human beings. Human beings who at one time had feelings, emotions, and famine.
00:02:30For most of your first year as medical students, they, not your professors, will be your teachers.
00:02:38Treat them with dignity.
00:02:41They have given their bodies to science.
00:02:45Treat them as you would want them to treat you if the roles were reversed.
00:02:51By the end of this course, you should be intimately acquainted with every part of your cadaver.
00:02:58Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time to meet your cadavers.
00:03:04Pull back the covering to expose the head.
00:03:34Hi!
00:03:50Hi!
00:04:02Let's go!
00:04:05Out of the dark and into the open, where do we go from here?
00:04:11Hi, boys!
00:04:13How you doing?
00:04:14Nothing more left to fear.
00:04:17We give it up for momentum, madness, it's all a fantasy.
00:04:22I'll tell you, may might escape, it's a show, a new dream, you can watch the sea.
00:04:28One down, one left to go, you push the needle to the rail.
00:04:34Ready, let's go, no one's slowing you down.
00:04:40Take off, leave me behind now, you're all I wanted.
00:04:45I promise to, no one's bringing you down.
00:04:51Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it's all in the game.
00:04:56Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it's all in the game.
00:05:04One down, one left to go, you push the needle to the rail.
00:05:08Ready, let's go, no one's slowing you down.
00:05:13Take off, leave me behind now, you're all I wanted.
00:05:18I promise to, no one's bringing you down.
00:05:22Take off, leave me behind now, you're all I wanted.
00:05:27I promise to, no one's bringing you down.
00:05:31I promise to, no one's bringing you down.
00:05:36Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it's all in the game.
00:05:42Sometimes you lose, sometimes you do, it's always the same.
00:05:48Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it's all in the game.
00:05:53Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it's all in the game.
00:05:59It's a disgrace, a damn disgrace.
00:06:02If those three students don't donate their bodies to science, I will.
00:06:06Come on, Gordon, this isn't a finishing school, we're here to teach medicine.
00:06:10That's your job. I've got the school's image to preserve.
00:06:13And believe me, I will.
00:06:15Do you honestly think Osgood Hamilton is going to donate money to an institute full of lunatics?
00:06:19Relax, Gordon, we're talking about a few students, not the entire student body.
00:06:24I'm sure you fooled around a bit in your time at medical school.
00:06:28Like hell I did.
00:06:30Let's forget about the kids for a moment and get back down to business, okay?
00:06:34I'm sure Francis here has a few more questions about his anatomy budget.
00:06:37Well, according to my calculations, my department had over $100,000
00:06:42before you approved of your special cryonics budget.
00:06:45And you know that cryo-freezing crap doesn't work, Gordon.
00:06:48Maybe not just yet, but if we figure out a way to freeze people
00:06:52and then bring them back to life before anyone else does,
00:06:56can you imagine what that'll mean to us?
00:07:00Us, Gordon? I hope to God you're not making any false promises to those people.
00:07:04No, no, maybe a few optimistic prognostications.
00:07:08Don't you understand?
00:07:10A human cryonic center will really put us on the map.
00:07:13In fact, I have convinced the Hamilton people
00:07:16to make a special freezing ceremony when the old man dies.
00:07:21And remember, Mr. Hamilton is old and sick.
00:07:26He could go any day now.
00:07:29Isn't that wonderful?
00:07:31What's the matter with you two?
00:07:33It's your priorities, Gordon. They're all screwed up.
00:07:36This isn't Disney World.
00:07:38Our main reason for being here is to turn out good doctors.
00:07:40And in order to do that, we need better research facilities,
00:07:43more equipment, and above all, top-notch professors.
00:07:46We even have a shortage of cadavers.
00:07:48We won't have a shortage of cadavers
00:07:50if I get my hands on those three student clowns down there.
00:07:54Gordon, Gordon, perhaps you should look around.
00:07:57And before you start building your reputation
00:07:59as a fundraiser to the stars,
00:08:01you better make sure that you're fulfilling your obligation
00:08:03as an educator to our students.
00:08:05Sidney, you were a very good assistant dean.
00:08:08But keep one thing in mind.
00:08:10I am the dean of medicine at Brantford University.
00:08:14Right, Gordon?
00:08:16Right.
00:08:22Breathe.
00:08:28Pop, you got the body of a two-year-old.
00:08:31I got nothing to worry about with you.
00:08:39Ooh, no trouble down here.
00:08:45If you don't mind, take a look.
00:08:50See what's going on down there.
00:08:52Might be a little chilly.
00:09:01Do you mind?
00:09:03Do you mind?
00:09:08Ah, here it is, Pop.
00:09:12Just a little bit of constipation.
00:09:15Ah, one of these ought to fix you right up.
00:09:21Like a charm.
00:09:23I'll check in with you tomorrow.
00:09:27Dead people are very hungry, though.
00:09:29Eat all of them, son.
00:09:30Oh, yes.
00:09:39Hey, Ralph.
00:09:41Hi, Ralph.
00:09:42Hi, Ralph. How's it going?
00:09:44Guys.
00:09:47You all right, Ralph?
00:09:49Yeah, anything we can do for you?
00:09:51I'm just not happy.
00:09:53Well, you had a human type emotion, like unhappy.
00:09:57You see this magazine here?
00:09:58It's entitled, You Become What You Eat.
00:10:01According to this magazine, I'm poisoning you kids with my food.
00:10:07And I just don't like what this stuff is doing to your health.
00:10:19Barber seems to like the food.
00:10:22Yeah, I'm running for class president.
00:10:24I know you're going to want to work on the campaign, so...
00:10:25Why don't you take the card and call the committee, okay?
00:10:27Sure.
00:10:28Excuse me.
00:10:29Dean Bradley?
00:10:31Dean Bradley, I just wanted to tell you, sir,
00:10:33how much I'm enjoying being a part of your medical school.
00:10:35Oh, well, thank you. Thank you very much.
00:10:37Well, I've admired your visionary leadership
00:10:39ever since I started here at Brantford.
00:10:41Well, even as a young undergrad,
00:10:43when I heard you speak on the subject of...
00:10:45I didn't catch your name.
00:10:47Pierce, sir. Howard Pierce.
00:10:49Howard Pierce.
00:10:51Yes, it was truly an inspirational speech, sir.
00:10:53I've never forgotten the basic tenets you outlined on that day.
00:10:55You've been a guiding light throughout my educational career.
00:10:57Pierce.
00:10:59Yes, sir.
00:11:01You know, I have your file dog-eared on my desk.
00:11:03You are the only student in this entire school
00:11:05whose career objective is to be a medical administrator.
00:11:07I'm happy to meet you, Mr. Pierce.
00:11:09Thank you, sir.
00:11:11One day I hope to follow in your footsteps
00:11:13and become dean of a medical school.
00:11:15Admirable.
00:11:17But being a dean is a lonely, tough profession.
00:11:19Much tougher than being a physician.
00:11:21Believe me, I know.
00:11:23I used to be one.
00:11:25Unfortunately,
00:11:27not everyone understands the importance
00:11:29of preserving our image, prestige.
00:11:32Our reputation as healers in this community.
00:11:36In fact, Pierce,
00:11:38there are people right here in this medical school
00:11:40who demonstrate the kind of disrespect
00:11:43that tears down the system,
00:11:46humanizes medicine,
00:11:48makes us look like a bunch of fools.
00:11:50Pierce, we have got big projects brewing here.
00:11:53No benefactors.
00:11:55Who wants to be associated with a bunch of fools?
00:11:58Dean Bradley,
00:12:00is there anything that I can do to help?
00:12:02Pierce,
00:12:04you're only a second-year student,
00:12:07but I can use your help.
00:12:10Anything, sir.
00:12:12I'm putting you in charge
00:12:14of my special projects bureau.
00:12:16An honor, Dean Bradley.
00:12:19I want you to help me clean up this medical school
00:12:22to weed out those undesirables,
00:12:23those cadaver impersonators
00:12:25that streaked across the campus.
00:12:27Consider it done, sir.
00:12:29And Dean Bradley,
00:12:31I want to thank you for this great opportunity, sir.
00:12:33Good. Get started.
00:12:35Yes, sir.
00:12:39Kiss ass.
00:12:42Just a little bit more to the left.
00:12:45More.
00:12:47More.
00:12:49A little bit more.
00:12:51A little bit more. There.
00:12:54There, Barfer.
00:12:56You see what a difference that makes?
00:12:58When the dartboard is right,
00:13:00everything else falls into place.
00:13:03Yeah.
00:13:05It's really starting to feel like home now.
00:13:14Ruined the machine.
00:13:16It's the best machine.
00:13:18It's the best one I got.
00:13:20It's that sucker's stuff that I don't want to...
00:13:21I don't want to...
00:13:25Out of my way! Out of my way!
00:13:27Oh!
00:13:29God, look at what they've done to you.
00:13:33Oh, thank God.
00:13:35You're still alive.
00:13:41Wait a minute.
00:13:43What the hell did I do with the...
00:13:46Oh, no.
00:13:52Hey.
00:13:54Look, Alky.
00:13:57Things like this happen all the time.
00:13:59I'm under a lot of pressure in this business.
00:14:02Things haven't been going too good, and...
00:14:05I'm a little late with my malpractice,
00:14:07so if you could cover for me.
00:14:09Everything all right, Ralph?
00:14:11Hey, I got everything under control here.
00:14:13And you guys, from now on,
00:14:15watch how you handle this machine.
00:14:18Thanks, Alky.
00:14:19Hey, guys.
00:14:21I'd like you to meet Sam Boone-Tong.
00:14:23Boone's our new roommate.
00:14:25Boone, aren't you the exchange student
00:14:27I read about from Peking?
00:14:29Peking? Hey, you must know the Wongs.
00:14:31Oh, lots of Wongs in Peking.
00:14:33Yeah, yeah, but this guy wears glasses.
00:14:35Boone, this is Ralph.
00:14:37Oh, how do you do, Ralph?
00:14:39This is Bobby.
00:14:41Oh, how do you do, Bobby?
00:14:43And this charming gentleman is Barfa.
00:14:45Oh, how do you do... Barfa?
00:14:47Yeah, it's a nickname.
00:14:49Vomit. Be sick.
00:14:51It's slang.
00:14:53Oh, his family's sick all the time?
00:14:55No, no.
00:14:57You see, it's because the first time
00:14:59he saw a cadaver face to face...
00:15:01Oh, Barfa throw up.
00:15:03No, the cadaver threw up.
00:15:05Booze! Hold it! It's fixed!
00:15:07Ralph!
00:15:09Thank you.
00:15:11I need a drink.
00:15:13Come on, Al.
00:15:15All this housekeeping is tiring us out.
00:15:17Let's go.
00:15:19All right, perf.
00:15:21You found the right spot, finally.
00:15:28So, Cindy, you're a freshman, huh?
00:15:30Yeah, how about you?
00:15:32Med students.
00:15:34Med students? What a coincidence.
00:15:36I mean, like, wow, I'm thinking about going pre-med.
00:15:38It's just, you know, I'm just not sure
00:15:40if pre-med girls are popular on campus.
00:15:42I hadn't thought about that.
00:15:44I'll have to ask around.
00:15:46Well, guys, what do you think?
00:15:47Pre-med girls popular?
00:15:49Oh, yeah.
00:15:51Why are you guys putting me on?
00:16:01Hey, Cindy!
00:16:03Did you ever find out if it was...
00:16:05herpes?
00:16:12That was close.
00:16:14Yes.
00:16:15From now on, the flood test
00:16:17will precede all social intercourse.
00:16:19Good idea.
00:16:21And a good idea deserves a toast.
00:16:23Drinks on Barbara.
00:16:25Hey, everybody!
00:16:27Drink on me!
00:16:35That ought to cover it.
00:16:37Yeah, you can keep the change.
00:16:46Oh, Tina, how I've missed you.
00:16:48What, Tina?
00:16:50I know.
00:16:52But if you were, you'd miss me, too.
00:16:54Come on, let's dance.
00:16:57Hey, asshole,
00:16:59what are you doing with my Joanie?
00:17:02Oh, my God, you must be the lucky guy.
00:17:05Joanie wrote me all about you.
00:17:07Joanie, you're the lucky guy.
00:17:09Joanie, you're the lucky guy.
00:17:11Joanie, you're the lucky guy.
00:17:13Joanie, you're the lucky guy.
00:17:15Joanie, she's everything you said and more.
00:17:17Joanie, she's everything you said and more.
00:17:19Well, what you must be thinking.
00:17:21Joan and I are first cousins well more likely.
00:17:23Sisters, we grew up together.
00:17:25How long's it been, Joan? Seven years?
00:17:27Well, when I heard she was at Brantford,
00:17:29wait until I tell Aunt Penny
00:17:31who I ran into.
00:17:33Please, don't be strangers.
00:17:35And that goes for both of you.
00:17:37See you later, Sis.
00:17:45Yeah, come on, introduce me.
00:17:47I... I don't know her.
00:17:49So?
00:17:50What'd I say?
00:17:51Talk Chinese to her or something.
00:17:53Oh.
00:17:54Ha, ha, ha.
00:17:55Ma, I'm going to hang up.
00:17:57I'm going to go home for a moment.
00:17:59Do you know what the hell this guy's talking about?
00:18:01Uh, yeah.
00:18:02He just talks a little fast when he's nervous.
00:18:04But basically what he said was...
00:18:06Now, you correct me if I'm wrong here.
00:18:08He said that he's going to hang up.
00:18:10He's going to hang up.
00:18:12He's going to hang up.
00:18:14Now, you correct me if I'm wrong here.
00:18:16He said that I, Al Rosenberg,
00:18:18would like to suck the nail polish off your toes.
00:18:20Do you want to dance?
00:18:22Come on.
00:18:27Oh.
00:18:29Whoa.
00:18:30This has got a belt in it.
00:18:32You could do Shakespeare off of it.
00:18:34Wait, here's one you'll like.
00:18:36Bambi Belenka.
00:18:38Bambi Belenka? Are you serious?
00:18:40Bambi Belenka, the renowned space cadet.
00:18:43She slept with every professor in the undergraduate school,
00:18:45and she still never broke a C-minus.
00:18:48Must be a real battle.
00:18:50Oh!
00:18:52Hey, Bobby.
00:18:54Hey, Stevens.
00:18:55Doesn't that sound like Nancy McNaughton?
00:18:57Yeah, you know she transferred to Boston
00:18:59to marry that Daffy.
00:19:01Yeah.
00:19:02She sounds like her, though.
00:19:04Come on, man, you're hearing things.
00:19:05Forget the girl.
00:19:06You lost her.
00:19:07She's gone and married.
00:19:09Thanks for all the sensitivity.
00:19:11Hey, Stevens, over here.
00:19:16I'm not crazy.
00:19:17There's Nancy.
00:19:23What the hell are you doing back here?
00:19:25I thought you married that doctor in Boston.
00:19:28I couldn't do it.
00:19:30I just didn't love him.
00:19:32So, I'm back.
00:19:34Don't get any ideas, Stevens.
00:19:36You had nothing to do with it.
00:19:39Listen, I hate to hug and run, but I just got here,
00:19:41so I'll meet you in the library tomorrow morning at 10.
00:19:44Uh, Nancy,
00:19:46how about breakfast in bed instead?
00:19:50Too much.
00:19:52Right.
00:19:53The library.
00:19:57Ah.
00:19:58Well, is it my imagination,
00:20:00or are you happy to see that girl?
00:20:02We're just friends.
00:20:04Uh-huh.
00:20:09Uh-huh.
00:20:12Ah!
00:20:37Hello.
00:20:38Hi.
00:20:39Are you one of our new medical students?
00:20:41Yes, I'm Bambi Belenka.
00:20:44Bambi Belenka.
00:20:46I've heard a lot about you.
00:20:47Your name has been tossed around quite a bit lately.
00:20:49Are you a professor?
00:20:51Do I look like a student?
00:20:52Oh, I'm sorry.
00:20:53I hear you have quite an impressive undergraduate record.
00:20:56I barely made it through biology.
00:20:58Daddy gave the school a lot of money to get me in here.
00:21:01He's gonna kill me if I don't make it through this place.
00:21:03I understand completely.
00:21:05Before I decided to dedicate my life to the betterment of mankind,
00:21:08I wasn't the best of students, either.
00:21:10Really?
00:21:11In fact, I must admit,
00:21:14I went through quite a number of cerebral traumas myself.
00:21:20What did you do?
00:21:22Well, eventually, I developed a study technique.
00:21:25Turned my whole life around.
00:21:26Suddenly, everything became crystal clear.
00:21:28I wish I had a technique.
00:21:30I'd be willing to work with you.
00:21:32Seriously?
00:21:33But you'd have to put out.
00:21:34I mean, work hard and sacrifice.
00:21:36Hi, Bobby.
00:21:37Ah, Dr. Bogan.
00:21:39Dr. Rosenberg.
00:21:40I'd like you to meet Bambi Belenka.
00:21:45Bambi Belenka.
00:21:47Really, Bambi.
00:21:48Your name's been tossed around quite a bit lately.
00:21:52I'm beginning to feel like a baseball.
00:21:54Dr. Stevens,
00:21:56one of your associates, Dr. Nancy McNaughton,
00:21:58is headed this way, looking for you.
00:22:00She's early.
00:22:02Thank you, Dr. Bogan.
00:22:04Dr. Rosenberg.
00:22:05I'll meet you both at the faculty club.
00:22:07It's closed.
00:22:08The hospital lounge.
00:22:09They're redecorated.
00:22:10I'll find you.
00:22:11Ms. Belenka.
00:22:18Now, Ms. Belenka,
00:22:20let's get back to your study problem.
00:22:22The basic technique is very simple.
00:22:25It's merely to associate everything to your own body,
00:22:30both externally and within.
00:22:33Let's begin.
00:22:39Shoulders.
00:22:43Ah.
00:22:45Hi, Nancy.
00:22:46How you doing, Nancy?
00:22:47Hi, I haven't seen Bobby.
00:22:48Yeah, he's over there.
00:23:00Ah.
00:23:01Ah.
00:23:03Ah.
00:23:05It's getting a little late.
00:23:06Why don't we get together in a few hours and work?
00:23:10Nancy!
00:23:11Uh, Nancy, this is, uh, Nancy Belenka.
00:23:14I mean, Barbara Belenka.
00:23:15I mean, Bambi.
00:23:16This is Bambi Belenka, and...
00:23:18she wants to learn how to study.
00:23:20Bambi.
00:23:22And you want to learn how to study.
00:23:25Spumper here going to teach you?
00:23:32Nancy!
00:23:36Nancy!
00:23:37So you finally found someone you're smarter than.
00:23:39It's not what you think.
00:23:40I'm not interested, Roberts.
00:23:42Nancy, you're going to believe me?
00:23:43You're lying to us.
00:23:44What?
00:23:45Nancy.
00:23:48Let me explain.
00:23:49It's really very simple.
00:23:50Do you mind?
00:23:51We're trying to have a private conversation.
00:23:54Would you get out of here?
00:24:02What happened, Stevens?
00:24:03Your membership to the men's room expire?
00:24:19Hi, ladies.
00:24:20You know those three cadavers that were on campus?
00:24:22Uh-uh.
00:24:23If you have any...
00:24:24Woodstrom, how you doing?
00:24:25Later, man.
00:24:26Listen, Larry, you want to study together?
00:24:27No, no, no.
00:24:28I'm busy.
00:24:31Hi.
00:24:32No spare change.
00:24:35Rizzo.
00:24:40Ralph.
00:24:41My man, huh?
00:24:42Yeah.
00:24:43Looking good, Ralph.
00:24:45Anything new on the horizon, like a new comb machine or something?
00:24:48Hey, I don't know anything.
00:24:50But I haven't asked you anything.
00:24:52Fine.
00:24:53Goodbye.
00:24:54Wait a minute.
00:24:55You know, the dean and I...
00:24:57You're in trouble if you're holding out on me, Rizzo.
00:24:59Hold this.
00:25:01Hi, folks.
00:25:02You know, I was wondering if I could ask a couple of questions just about some things that...
00:25:05No!
00:25:06No!
00:25:08Tomorrow we shall break up into two groups for the living and atomic class.
00:25:11That is a class where you will be introduced to the techniques of physical examination
00:25:14by practicing on yourselves and on one another.
00:25:16Gentlemen, you will please report to room 205 at 9 a.m. in the morning.
00:25:20I will see you then.
00:25:21Ladies, please, you will report to room 317.
00:25:23At the same time, you will be required to strip to the waist.
00:25:25And so not to worry, you will have lady professors.
00:25:27Everyone, please remember your stethoscope.
00:25:29Stethoscope.
00:25:30Thank you very much indeed.
00:25:32What did he say?
00:25:37Ladies and gentlemen, please, please remain seated.
00:25:39I have an announcement to make.
00:25:40I am Howard Pierce.
00:25:41Howard Pierce of the Joint Student-Faculty Educational Research Committee here at Brantford.
00:25:45And I am happy to announce this year we have a new addition to our staff.
00:25:48A Dr. Randolph Reston, a curriculum scientist from Harvard,
00:25:51will be helping us to improve our learning and teaching techniques here at Brantford.
00:25:54Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Randolph Reston.
00:26:00Thank you.
00:26:07Thank you very much.
00:26:08Thank you very much, Mr. Pierce.
00:26:10I'm going to be making this very short and sweet
00:26:12because I know you would all rather be off doing something else,
00:26:15like getting drunk or taking drugs or having sex.
00:26:23I would like to talk today about your future role as doctors.
00:26:27Are we putting back into the system as much as we take out?
00:26:31I, for one, say no.
00:26:33We can do more.
00:26:35And what better place to start than right here in your first year in medical school?
00:26:39Now then, I'd like to introduce you to someone who can make this point much better than I can.
00:26:46Hi, Dr. Rosenberg.
00:26:58Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mr. Leonard Speedy Lotkin,
00:27:03as he appeared when we found him after impact.
00:27:06The finest ambulance driver in the history of Brantford,
00:27:10or any other city for that matter.
00:27:12Mr. Lotkin's accomplishments behind the wheel of an ambulance
00:27:15have reached legendary proportions within the medical institution.
00:27:19And you should be very proud that he was once a part of your hospital.
00:27:24Because daredevil anything for the sake of the patient's style of driving
00:27:27has saved more lives than any doctor's medicine or surgeon's knife.
00:27:32Speedy Lotkin, a man who let it all hang out for humanity.
00:27:38A man who has given much more back to the system than he will ever take.
00:27:55I am proud to call Speedy Lotkin my friend.
00:28:07I think that we all owe Speedy Lotkin something.
00:28:12And so does this administration.
00:28:14Five years ago, Dean Bradley initiated the Leonard Speedy Lotkin Fund
00:28:19so that we might all give something back to the Speedy Lotkins of this world.
00:28:24I am obliged to say that it is not mandatory,
00:28:28but your donations will be recorded on your official transcripts.
00:28:41Hear, hear, Speedy.
00:28:43What can I say but, good show.
00:28:49Thank you.
00:28:54Sit down, sit down.
00:28:56Inspiring. It was inspiring.
00:28:58And you can continue to make your donations on the way out.
00:29:01But first...
00:29:03I'm gonna kill you.
00:29:05All right, this concerns tomorrow's living anatomy session
00:29:08that Dr. Cayley had mentioned earlier.
00:29:10Ladies, there's been a change.
00:29:12Please go to room 403, not 317.
00:29:14That's right, 403.
00:29:16And gentlemen, be prepared.
00:29:18You'll be required to perform complete rectal examinations on each other.
00:29:21So please, eat a very light dinner tonight,
00:29:23skip breakfast in the morning, and give yourself an enema before coming to class.
00:29:26And please, wash your hands.
00:29:29Thank you. Thank you all.
00:29:32Shh.
00:29:43Gentlemen, if you'll kindly put on your trousers, we can begin the class.
00:29:46When are we going to examine each other's rectums?
00:29:49You can do whatever you please on your own time, but not during my class.
00:29:53But I had to give myself an enema this morning.
00:29:57Perhaps you're not eating enough raw fish.
00:30:00So, has Nancy spoken to you yet?
00:30:02Mm-hmm. She told me to get lost.
00:30:13Boone?
00:30:15What's this called?
00:30:17Uh, list.
00:30:19And what's this called?
00:30:21Uh, phonics.
00:30:23Good.
00:30:25Boone, I don't understand why Bradley put you back in second year.
00:30:28Uh, he say I need to learn more English words.
00:30:31Well, it seems to me you got the rap down pretty good.
00:30:34We'll try a few more.
00:30:36What's the English term for this?
00:30:38Uh, pectoral legion.
00:30:40Boone, if I were you, I wouldn't repeat that.
00:30:42People will think you're old-fashioned.
00:30:44We haven't called it pectoral legion in years.
00:30:46Today, we just refer to the legion as the chugs.
00:30:49Chugs.
00:30:51Yeah.
00:30:53Um, what do you call this?
00:30:55Uh, mons pupus.
00:30:57No, that's changed, too.
00:30:59Now we just call it pussy.
00:31:01Pussy.
00:31:03Yeah. Good, Boone. Very good.
00:31:05Pussy. I'm glad you brought that up.
00:31:08Party upstairs!
00:31:10We are upstairs.
00:31:12Well, then, party downstairs!
00:31:14Now, let's go!
00:31:16He's crazy, but I love him.
00:31:18Me, too.
00:31:20Come on, let's check it out.
00:31:25Hey, Chairman Boone! Take a break.
00:31:27I can't break now, Bobby.
00:31:29I have a big immunology exam tomorrow.
00:31:31That's immunology, Boone.
00:31:33That's not a big exam. It's just a small quiz. It's easy stuff.
00:31:35No, not for me, Bobby.
00:31:37Exam in English.
00:31:41Well, I don't feel like partying.
00:31:43Why don't you and the nose sniff out the action,
00:31:45and I'll catch up with you later.
00:31:47We can always party.
00:31:51Yeah, I guess I could practice my English a little, too.
00:31:54So, Boone,
00:31:56what seems to be giving you all the trouble?
00:32:10Hello. Hello. Come right in.
00:32:12Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:32:16Gentlemen.
00:32:18Thank you. That's it?
00:32:20That's it.
00:32:22All right, all right, all right.
00:32:24Back row.
00:32:34You got a dollar?
00:32:36Thanks.
00:32:38Bye.
00:32:44Sorry, full house.
00:32:46There might be room for one more.
00:32:48Thank you. Enjoy the show.
00:32:50And, Bucks, ringside.
00:32:52Hey, Skalkon.
00:32:54Skalkon.
00:32:56Skalkon.
00:32:58Skalkon.
00:33:00Skalkon.
00:33:02Skalkon.
00:33:04Skalkon.
00:33:16It's showtime.
00:33:34God, we never have any fun.
00:33:47Ooh.
00:33:49Holy smoke.
00:34:01Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
00:34:03The third one to the left,
00:34:05what would your prognosis be?
00:34:17Looking good.
00:34:21Ooh, yeah.
00:34:23Shh.
00:34:25Shh.
00:34:27Shh.
00:34:29There's no more room.
00:34:31What's going on in there?
00:34:33Behavioral experiment in self-control, sir.
00:34:35Oh, excuse me. Carry on.
00:34:42Gentlemen,
00:34:44another diagnosis?
00:34:46A little blonde and a girl in the back.
00:34:48All right.
00:34:52You guys are cruel.
00:34:54You're real cruel.
00:35:00Ooh.
00:35:08Don't film me.
00:35:14Oh, my God. She's waving at you.
00:35:26Hot dog. I got your hot dog right here.
00:35:28Run, run, run.
00:35:30Run, run, run.
00:35:38Shh, shh.
00:35:45Oh, my God.
00:35:51Shh, shh, shh.
00:35:53Behavioral experiment in self...
00:35:55Nancy.
00:35:57Aw.
00:35:59Bobby, you're not supposed to bring a date to this.
00:36:06A fundraiser for charity.
00:36:08Bob Stevens relief fund.
00:36:10What a cheap stunt.
00:36:12You guys are absolutely revolting.
00:36:15This isn't funny.
00:36:17It's an invasion of privacy.
00:36:19It has nothing to do with sex.
00:36:21It has to do with common decency.
00:36:24What's the matter?
00:36:26You guys never seen tits and ass before?
00:36:28I'll show you tits and ass.
00:36:30Nancy, why don't we discuss this out in the hallway?
00:36:32You hold this.
00:36:34Well, boys, what do you think?
00:36:37You know what these are?
00:36:39That's jocks.
00:36:41That's pussy.
00:36:43Come on, now, Boone.
00:36:55Remember, annual physicals are on Saturday.
00:36:57Saturday?
00:36:59Come on, Dr. Berman.
00:37:01We lose the entire afternoon.
00:37:03Yeah, can't we, like, check ourselves out?
00:37:05Sorry, guys.
00:37:07No physicals, no grapes.
00:37:09Got to see a man about some flowers.
00:37:11What?
00:37:21Come on.
00:37:23You scared me.
00:37:25Nancy, what is it you want?
00:37:27I have a small favor to ask of you.
00:37:30Small favor?
00:37:32Well, if you can get your brother Biff down here,
00:37:34let me buy him a dozen roses, I'll do anything for you.
00:37:36You know that.
00:37:38Uh, okay, okay, I'll see what I can do.
00:37:40Okay, this is it.
00:37:46Oh, that's...
00:37:48Oh, it's a deal.
00:37:50I knew it.
00:37:52Ruining another Saturday on this shit.
00:37:54Wasting hours of sleep
00:37:56so some guy can shove his thumb up our ass.
00:37:58Had an effer up all night studying.
00:38:00Boone, stop it.
00:38:02Dictionary?
00:38:04All right, gentlemen, we've got a little privacy now.
00:38:08Let's stop our complaining, huh?
00:38:12And drop your pants now!
00:38:16I guess it's time to make sure we're all men.
00:38:24All right.
00:38:26That's a little cold, huh?
00:38:28Yeah, it'll warm up in a little while.
00:38:30All right, cough.
00:38:32Now, one more time. Cough again.
00:38:34How long you had this cough?
00:38:36Well, looks like this myth is really a myth, huh?
00:38:38Hey, brother, give me five.
00:38:40Oh, looks like about nine there. That's pretty good.
00:38:42All right, cough.
00:38:44Let's form an Oreo cookie, what do you say sometime?
00:38:46Just kidding.
00:38:48Hey, a farm boy. All right.
00:38:50Well, looks like you've been overworking that little pecker, huh?
00:38:52Nothing right there but stretch marks.
00:38:54All right, cough.
00:38:56Never mind, farm boy, give me a...
00:38:58Oh, I love you.
00:39:00Oh, what a mess.
00:39:02There's nothing there. It's a damn shame.
00:39:04What do you use, tweezers when you take a leak?
00:39:06All right, let's go for it.
00:39:08Cough.
00:39:10Do you feel anything? Me neither. There's nothing...
00:39:12Hey, where's the beef?
00:39:14There it is.
00:39:16My breath.
00:39:18It just went out of my mouth up there somewhere.
00:39:20Oh, you are a big sucker too.
00:39:22Looks like you could kick this shit out of me.
00:39:24Yeah, let's lock him into that.
00:39:26Nipples are hard. I love to breastfeed.
00:39:28You know you're beautiful when you're angry.
00:39:30You really are.
00:39:32Cough for me, okay? Cough louder.
00:39:34Oh, I love when you dominate.
00:39:36Oh, heaven can wait.
00:39:38This must be a man called Horse.
00:39:40Let me guess, let me guess.
00:39:42Eight inches right from the floor.
00:39:44Oh, my...
00:39:46Call me Friday, we'll pick out furniture.
00:39:48It's your turn to cough.
00:39:50Talk dirty.
00:39:52Fuck you.
00:39:54Was it good for you?
00:39:56Yep.
00:39:58Oh, hi, big guy, you're next. Come on, Al!
00:40:00Come on!
00:40:12Oh, thanks, Ramon.
00:40:14I was heaven. I'm in heaven.
00:40:18Okay.
00:40:20The category is antibodies.
00:40:22Win $100 and a chance to win that welfare family.
00:40:24Name three types of receptors
00:40:26on the macrophage.
00:40:28General, FC, and complement
00:40:30are all in the macrophage.
00:40:32I wonder if that's any relation to...
00:40:34Would macrophage be binding with antibodies?
00:40:36She'd bind with anybody.
00:40:38But it's the FC receptor that enables it to bind.
00:40:40Now it's your turn.
00:40:42Ask me anything
00:40:44about baseball.
00:40:46Whoa, look out there. Watch your needle.
00:40:48Huh? What do you think?
00:40:50Ralph. Hi, Boone.
00:40:52Ralph. Boone.
00:40:54Hey, Boone, in this country, doctors wear traditional whites.
00:40:56I know it's boring, but we find it very functional.
00:40:58Yeah, you'd better change
00:41:00before we get to the hospital.
00:41:02I am surprised at you guys.
00:41:04All right, Ralph, what gives?
00:41:06As honorary director of this year's medical school review,
00:41:08I have finally come up with
00:41:10a theme.
00:41:12We are gonna put on a grand Ziegfeld-type pageant.
00:41:14But rather than the elegance
00:41:16and the dignity of the old Ziegfeld girls,
00:41:18our pageant is going to exhibit
00:41:20distinct bad taste.
00:41:22Yeah.
00:41:24We're gonna be costumed in everything medical.
00:41:26Hearts, lungs, organs,
00:41:28heat rash. This will be an
00:41:30absolute spectacular.
00:41:32Costume department is working right now.
00:41:34Boone, here's the prototype.
00:41:36Boone, do what I showed you.
00:41:38Oh, we'll not hear of that now.
00:41:40Come on, Boone. Come on.
00:41:42Boone, go ahead. It's in your blood.
00:41:44One, two, three, four.
00:41:47Whoo!
00:42:06Would you people please keep it down?
00:42:08We are trying to hold a student council meeting
00:42:10downstairs, and we can barely hear ourselves think.
00:42:12Aw.
00:42:14Party time!
00:42:20Come on, Bobby.
00:42:22Find some chicks out there. Now you go.
00:42:24Hey. Come on.
00:42:26Forget her.
00:42:28Nancy McNaughton is trouble.
00:42:30She's a smart girl with integrity.
00:42:32If you want somebody like that,
00:42:34I'll set you up with my mother.
00:42:36But she's got no sense of humor, that's for sure.
00:42:38None at all. And you're a fun guy.
00:42:40Look, Bobby, you've got no
00:42:42commitment to her. I mean, if she doesn't
00:42:44like you the way you are, forget her.
00:42:46Tell her to meet the sidewalk.
00:42:48Because guys like you and me,
00:42:50we got one thing that's real
00:42:52special.
00:42:56Thanks, Al.
00:42:58I feel better already.
00:43:12Here come the new
00:43:14rookies.
00:43:16Yeah, another wave
00:43:18of invitations for beer and pretzels
00:43:20at the local tavern.
00:43:26All right, this is not a social event.
00:43:28Make way for the real medical people. Come on.
00:43:30There's sick people here.
00:43:32Move over toward the wall.
00:43:34How about a magazine?
00:43:36Where are you going?
00:43:38Terminal.
00:43:40I think you need a change of address card.
00:43:42Move over toward the wall.
00:43:44All right, ladies
00:43:46and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?
00:43:48Come away from the wall. Come on, gather around.
00:43:50I'd like you to meet Dr. Hillary Green
00:43:52and Dr. Mitchell Lambert.
00:43:54Top-notch physicians will be helping me take you on your rounds.
00:43:56We'll divide into two groups later.
00:43:58Let's go. Ladies!
00:44:00Wait until you see the
00:44:02stud in room 444.
00:44:04What's he in for?
00:44:06You'll find out.
00:44:08You're spending a lot of time in that wing of the hospital.
00:44:10Now, for God's sake, don't be afraid to ask for assistance.
00:44:12Remember, there are no dumb questions,
00:44:14just dumb mistakes.
00:44:16Ah, here's the temporary home of Osgood Hamilton,
00:44:18the man your medical building
00:44:20was named after.
00:44:22Now, Mr. Hamilton is suffering from an incurable disease
00:44:24called old age.
00:44:26He's 90-something years old.
00:44:28We've got to make his last days here as comfortable as possible.
00:44:30And, of course, as you probably already heard,
00:44:32when he dies, we're going to freeze him
00:44:34until such a time as one of you young geniuses
00:44:36So, that's the end of the tour.
00:44:38You can break back to your groups and go on your rounds, huh?
00:44:40Break!
00:44:46This is it,
00:44:48room 444.
00:44:56Good morning.
00:45:02Ladies and gentlemen, this
00:45:04is Mr. Ted Fletcher.
00:45:06Hi, Doc.
00:45:08Hi, girls.
00:45:10Hi, Ted.
00:45:12Mr. Fletcher is here for a hernia operation.
00:45:14Oh.
00:45:16By the way, Doc, I've been here two weeks now.
00:45:18When do I get the operation?
00:45:20Soon, Ted, soon.
00:45:22We don't like to rush
00:45:24into these things.
00:45:26Ah.
00:45:28Mr. Fletcher's condition gives us the opportunity
00:45:30to practice a genital urinary examination
00:45:32and see what a real hernia feels like.
00:45:34Okay, Mr. Fletcher,
00:45:36would you mind standing up
00:45:38and, uh,
00:45:40lowering your pajamas?
00:45:42For you, Doc, any time.
00:45:54Ah!
00:45:56Oh.
00:45:58Ah.
00:46:00Um, but it's also
00:46:02important, as doctors, that you
00:46:04know what a healthy patient feels like, too.
00:46:06Mr.
00:46:08Stevens.
00:46:10Perhaps you can help us out.
00:46:12Why don't you step over here next to Ted
00:46:14and drop your drawers so we can
00:46:16compare yours to his.
00:46:22Whoa, big fella.
00:46:24Whoa, big fella.
00:46:26Easy, boy. Easy, boy.
00:46:28Whoa, Trigger.
00:46:30Ted, this hospital
00:46:32ain't big enough for the two of us.
00:46:34So Trigger and I will mosey on down to the corner.
00:46:36Ooh. Red.
00:46:42Mr. Stevens.
00:46:44I'm busy.
00:46:48I'll catch up with you.
00:46:50Bobby.
00:46:55Nancy.
00:46:57Oh, Nancy. Yes, Howard.
00:46:59I'm the special guest at Dean Bradley's
00:47:01reception this Saturday, and I wanted to know
00:47:03if you'd be my escort. The dean and I are
00:47:05working on a couple of things together.
00:47:07There'll be a lot of important people there.
00:47:09I wouldn't miss it if I were you.
00:47:11It's not your normal riff-raff, you know.
00:47:13Saturday? Gee, Howard,
00:47:15I'd love to, but
00:47:17give me a few moments and I'll get right back to you
00:47:19with a good excuse.
00:47:21Hey, Bobby. Wait, wait. Isn't this, uh,
00:47:23Miss Herpes?
00:47:25Yeah.
00:47:27And it's a good thing, too. Why's that?
00:47:29Because I have a favor to ask her.
00:47:31Hi, Cindy.
00:47:33Hi. How are you? Oh, nice to see you.
00:47:35Are you, uh, could I
00:47:37have a word with you? Sure.
00:47:39That's right. The, uh, the dean and I
00:47:41are very close. Oh, really? Mm-hmm.
00:47:43I expect it to be quite an enlightening evening.
00:47:45Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Now, do you really
00:47:47think Pierce deserves that? Al,
00:47:49a guy like Howard Pierce was put on this earth
00:47:51for a reason, to spread disease.
00:48:05You sure you saw them in here this afternoon?
00:48:07Positive.
00:48:09Great picture of the financial aid bond.
00:48:11Maybe she made an amount.
00:48:13No, she hasn't.
00:48:15Yeah, they are. Here's the original, too.
00:48:18How sweet it is.
00:48:20Dear first-year student,
00:48:22as dean of this institution, it's my pleasure to welcome you
00:48:24to the halls of Brantford University School of Medicine.
00:48:26Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.
00:48:28I'll be giving a formal outdoor buffet dinner at my home
00:48:30on Saturday, September 17th at 4 p.m.
00:48:32I very much hope that you will be able to join us at that time.
00:48:34Yours sincerely,
00:48:36Gordon E. Bradley, dean of medicine.
00:48:38A little bit stuffy, don't you think?
00:48:40I'll type.
00:48:42Use Xerox.
00:48:45I wonder if Mayo had a beard.
00:48:47Judith,
00:48:49we have got to make this affair
00:48:51particularly special.
00:48:53Ozzie Hamilton, Jr.,
00:48:55son of the old man, will be there.
00:48:57He'll be looking over our new crop of students,
00:48:59and he's the one that controls the money.
00:49:01Oh.
00:49:03We'd better have music.
00:49:05Yeah, Patignify.
00:49:07String quartet.
00:49:09Now, if I get that Hamilton money,
00:49:11that will open the door
00:49:13that will open up the floodgates,
00:49:15the wealthy people will stand outside our door,
00:49:17and I'll be on my way.
00:49:19I'll hold a press conference.
00:49:37You sure you have the right invitation?
00:49:39Yes, there's a punk party at the dean's house.
00:49:41Yes, mine.
00:49:52May I have your invitation, please?
00:50:04Oh, this is not right.
00:50:06Don't worry, Boone, you look great.
00:50:08It's some of our best work.
00:50:10It's you, Boone, it's you!
00:50:12But there's something missing.
00:50:40Nice catch.
00:50:42This is the best fan Gordon's ever thrown.
00:50:44Yes, I'd like to shake the hand of whoever's responsible.
00:50:46I'll catch you later.
00:50:50Where is Gordon?
00:50:52He and his wife went to personally escort
00:50:54the Hamilton party with a limousine.
00:50:56He wants to make sure they get the royal treatment.
00:50:58Should we call to warn him?
00:51:00About what?
00:51:02Yes, officer,
00:51:04these damn kids are making a terrible racket.
00:51:06And I smell drugs, too.
00:51:08I can't hear you.
00:51:14What? What?
00:51:16Help!
00:51:38You're like me!
00:51:40You're just like me!
00:51:44You're like me!
00:51:46You're just like me!
00:51:50All right, all right, all right!
00:51:52We have a totally rotten time of one!
00:51:56And here is the man
00:51:58who brought it all to a sting,
00:52:00Gordon Bradley!
00:52:02Gordon Bradley!
00:52:08You'd better come back, Bradley.
00:52:10A man of Oscar Hamilton's stature
00:52:12cannot be associated with another dimension.
00:52:14Don't mention this to your father.
00:52:16I'll find out who did this.
00:52:18I'll purge them from my medical school.
00:52:20May I have the honor of this dance?
00:52:26Why me?
00:52:28Pierce!
00:52:30You mean Cindy?
00:52:32How in the hell can you let a thing like this happen?
00:52:34This is what I brought you here to prevent?
00:52:36I want you to find out who did this to me.
00:52:38No excuses. Action!
00:52:40He's gonna make a fool out of me.
00:52:44Balloon.
00:52:56Arrest him.
00:53:00No!
00:53:06Thank you, everybody, and I'll see you on Thursday.
00:53:08Settle down.
00:53:10One minute. Before we disband,
00:53:12Howard Pierce would like to have a few words with you.
00:53:18Thank you.
00:53:20Are you finished?
00:53:22Good.
00:53:24Now,
00:53:26I don't know how many of you
00:53:28are aware of the fiasco that occurred
00:53:30at Dean Bradley's house.
00:53:32Well, I don't think it's very funny.
00:53:34And neither does Dean Bradley.
00:53:38That was a cruel joke.
00:53:40I was there,
00:53:42and I felt embarrassed for the school.
00:53:46Now, we all have a good idea
00:53:48of who's responsible for this,
00:53:50but we need proof.
00:53:52We need proof.
00:54:06Are you happy, Mr. Mendelbaum?
00:54:08Yes, Dr. Fowler.
00:54:10Are they treating you nicely?
00:54:12Oh, yes, Dr. Fowler.
00:54:14Good. We want you to be happy here at Brantford.
00:54:16Oh, I am, Dr. Fowler.
00:54:18Mr. Tone, Mr. Pierce,
00:54:20I want you to follow the questioning
00:54:22on this phone,
00:54:24to take Mr. Mendelbaum's history.
00:54:26Enjoy your lunch, Mr. Mendelbaum.
00:54:28Oh, thank you, Dr. Fowler.
00:54:30I just love hospital food.
00:54:36Mr. Tone?
00:54:40All right, Slant Eyes.
00:54:42I need some information, and I think you've got it.
00:54:44What do you mean, Howard?
00:54:46What do you mean, Howard?
00:54:48You speak English. You're an American now, you ignorant commie.
00:54:50Howard, I don't understand.
00:54:52Don't play dumb with me, Chinky.
00:54:54Nobody does that better than I do.
00:54:56You know what I'm talking about.
00:54:58You're hanging out with the wrong people, Mr. Boom.
00:55:00They've embarrassed this institution,
00:55:02and our dean, and you, of all people,
00:55:04should be grateful to Dean Bradley
00:55:06for giving you the opportunity to study in this country.
00:55:08I am. I am.
00:55:10Why are you protecting those fools?
00:55:12Let me tell you something.
00:55:14I'm going to give you some time to reconsider,
00:55:16and I'm going to cut your ass off.
00:55:18You compulsive,
00:55:20over-eating, fat slob.
00:55:22You absolutely disgust me.
00:55:24I hope you choke.
00:55:28Oh, Mr. Mendelbaum.
00:55:30Not another examination.
00:55:32Practice makes perfect, Ted.
00:55:36Half of them aren't even doctors.
00:55:40How about a cup of coffee?
00:55:42Actually, I was planning on visiting Ted.
00:55:44See you later.
00:55:46Bye.
00:55:48How about you, Dr. Fields?
00:55:50It's Richard, please.
00:55:52I'd like to, Nancy,
00:55:54but there are a few more lives
00:55:56I'd like to save today.
00:56:02We're still on for seven.
00:56:04Of course.
00:56:06And if you can't get a ride, call my service.
00:56:10Okay.
00:56:14Stevens.
00:56:20It is Stevens, isn't it?
00:56:22Yes, Dean Bradley.
00:56:24I'm curious as to why you've chosen
00:56:26to attend Brantford University School of Medicine.
00:56:28Well...
00:56:30It isn't because you want to become a doctor, is it?
00:56:34From the reports I've
00:56:36received on you recently,
00:56:38you have no reason
00:56:40to be concerned about that.
00:56:42You won't.
00:56:50Nice talking to you, Dean Bradley.
00:56:54Somebody help me!
00:56:56My husband is dying!
00:56:58Please, help me, somebody!
00:57:00Senor, please, help me!
00:57:02My husband!
00:57:06Senor, help me, please!
00:57:08Get the emergency team inside!
00:57:10The emergency team, hurry!
00:57:24Come on!
00:57:26Come on!
00:57:38Come on!
00:57:44Come on!
00:57:46You've got to move, Mother!
00:57:52He's alive!
00:57:58Look out! Look out!
00:58:04Stevens.
00:58:06Good work, son.
00:58:08Welcome aboard.
00:58:32Can I buy you dinner?
00:58:34No.
00:58:36Unfortunately, I'm already late for...
00:58:40Is it the doctor?
00:58:44Can I take a rain check?
00:58:46Sure.
00:59:04You see, Nancy,
00:59:06in choosing a specialty,
00:59:08one must study the demographics
00:59:10of a particular region,
00:59:12as I did when I selected Brantford.
00:59:14First, you must determine
00:59:16whether human need exists
00:59:18for your particular brand of medicine,
00:59:20and second, you must determine
00:59:22whether the local economy
00:59:24can afford your fee structure.
00:59:26I, of course, chose cardiology,
00:59:28but that was purely for emotional,
00:59:30humanitarian reasons,
00:59:32but in the community,
00:59:34the financial end worked out very well.
00:59:36I'm a very wealthy man.
00:59:38Richard, I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well.
00:59:40Oh, I'm sorry, Nancy.
00:59:42I'll get you an aspirin, a Darvon, a Lude.
00:59:44No, that won't help.
00:59:46Please, go see the show.
00:59:48I don't want to ruin your evening.
00:59:50Well, I'll drive you home. I insist.
00:59:52No, Richard, please. I'd rather go home alone.
00:59:54Thank you.
00:59:56Taxi!
00:59:58I'll call you in the morning.
01:00:02Thank you.
01:00:12Bobby!
01:00:16Bobby.
01:00:28Bobby!
01:00:30Oh, hi, Nancy.
01:00:32Uh, how was the show?
01:00:40Okay!
01:00:46One, two, three, four,
01:00:48and a two, three, four,
01:00:50and you want to make the beat,
01:00:52you gotta get up with your hands,
01:00:54and a two, three, and a zing, and a zing,
01:00:56and a rap, and a rap, and a zing,
01:00:58and a rap, and a zing.
01:01:00I want everybody in this group over here to be hot.
01:01:02Oh, no!
01:01:04Not you three back there. Yeah, you.
01:01:06You three fellas, you're gonna be penises.
01:01:08All right.
01:01:10Let's try it once more, and this time,
01:01:12penises stand erect.
01:01:14All right, that's it for today.
01:01:16But remember, next Thursday,
01:01:18back here, one o'clock, dress rehearsal,
01:01:20and don't forget the blood clinic this afternoon
01:01:22in the main building. Be a sport.
01:01:24Give a quad.
01:01:28Thank you.
01:01:40Nancy?
01:01:46Look, uh,
01:01:48I know you were upset about the other night,
01:01:50but I thought you were interested in Dr. Fields.
01:01:52Bobby, Bobby, look.
01:01:54Look, the year's just begun,
01:01:56and so far, I have walked in on you and Bambi Belanca
01:01:58twice, and once
01:02:00watching little girls undress
01:02:02in the psychology observation lab.
01:02:04It was just something that we were... Everywhere I go,
01:02:06you're doing something. I don't dare
01:02:08walk into the bathroom. For fear I'm gonna find you
01:02:10jerking off to a gynecology textbook.
01:02:12I don't want to be your mother,
01:02:14Bobby.
01:02:16I don't always want to be catching you doing something.
01:02:18Do you understand?
01:02:20I'm not mad.
01:02:22I'm just tired of all this nonsense.
01:02:24Change.
01:02:26I wish you could,
01:02:28but I'm afraid you'll always see women as nothing
01:02:30more than potential conquests.
01:02:34So please, just leave me alone.
01:02:36Shit!
01:02:46Come on, don't be a dud. Give some blood.
01:02:48Right over here. Thanks.
01:02:50Give some blood. This.
01:02:52Right over there. Thank you very much.
01:02:56It's Bobby.
01:02:58He's crazy to give blood.
01:03:00He fainted last year, too.
01:03:04Just relax now.
01:03:06Stay here a minute.
01:03:08I'll take care of him.
01:03:12Hi, Maisie. Are you all right?
01:03:14Yeah, I guess I got a little dizzy.
01:03:16It's the old fainting pickup trick.
01:03:18Why did you give blood
01:03:20if you knew you were going to faint?
01:03:22Well, I always...
01:03:24Well, every year I feel that I should...
01:03:26It's...
01:03:28Uh...
01:03:30Actually,
01:03:32I wanted you to talk to me.
01:03:36I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry
01:03:38and that you're really important to me.
01:03:40I mean it.
01:03:42Bobby, you're one crazy guy.
01:03:46I really don't think my leaving
01:03:48will affect the school that much.
01:03:50I'm not a bad biochemistry teacher,
01:03:52but that's not even my specialty.
01:03:54Basically, I'm a researcher.
01:03:56You can replace me.
01:03:58That's not the point.
01:04:00The point is you're black.
01:04:02The faculty, the teachers, the trustees,
01:04:04the equal opportunity people,
01:04:06they love black teachers.
01:04:08Thanks for the compliment.
01:04:10No, no, please.
01:04:12But if somebody doesn't start putting
01:04:14a little more money into the research facilities around here,
01:04:16a lot of your faculty is going to start looking elsewhere.
01:04:18Oh, excuse me.
01:04:20I'm expecting an important call.
01:04:22Yes.
01:04:24The Mayo Clinic returned your call, Dr. Bradley.
01:04:26Yes, Dr. Mayo did have a beard
01:04:28at times during his career.
01:04:30Ah, Cliff,
01:04:32place is a madhouse today.
01:04:34I've got an important meeting.
01:04:36We've got to cut this short.
01:04:38If you have a problem any time,
01:04:40my door is wide open to you.
01:04:42Yes, now,
01:04:44was that early or late
01:04:46in Dr. Mayo's career?
01:04:48They didn't say.
01:04:50But I'm also waiting to hear from the dean's office
01:04:52at Harvard and Yale.
01:04:54Oh, yes, and Howard Pierce is here.
01:04:56Hmm.
01:05:08Well, what have we got here?
01:05:12Miss Marshall,
01:05:14where did you get this?
01:05:16Oh, I found that by my typewriter
01:05:18a couple of weeks ago.
01:05:20Nobody's claimed it, though.
01:05:22Cute, isn't it?
01:05:24Yes.
01:05:26Miss Marshall, has Robert Stevens been in this office
01:05:28for any reason that you know of recently?
01:05:30No, he hasn't.
01:05:32This is
01:05:34Bobby Stevens' stethoscope, sir.
01:05:36Are you sure?
01:05:38Yes, sir. He used to wear it all the time.
01:05:40I got him.
01:05:42I got the SOB.
01:05:44He'll never make a fool of me again.
01:05:50Mr. Stevens,
01:05:52the dean is in a meeting now.
01:05:54Please take a seat.
01:05:56Well, does the dean know I'm a busy man?
01:05:58Well, I'll give him another minute or so.
01:06:02Hi, Howard.
01:06:04Come on.
01:06:06I didn't recognize you without your face buried in the dean's ass.
01:06:08How are you?
01:06:10For God's sake, he's a good boy.
01:06:16A fly in my ointment, a chink in my armor,
01:06:18a cockroach in my suit,
01:06:20a wart on my... He's a pain in the ass!
01:06:26Yes, Dr. Bradley?
01:06:28Mr. Dean,
01:06:30we'll see you now.
01:06:32Time to get off work tonight, dollface.
01:06:36Oh, by the way, Howard,
01:06:38Cindy never did have herpes.
01:06:40What?
01:06:42Don't bother to sit down.
01:06:44This will only take a minute.
01:06:46Mr. Stevens, I found something of yours.
01:06:48I thought you might want it back.
01:06:52You recognize this?
01:06:54Looks like a stethoscope
01:06:56one might find in a toy doctor's kit.
01:06:58Yes, have you ever seen this
01:07:00particular stethoscope?
01:07:02No, I can't say that I have.
01:07:04Take another look.
01:07:08No, still nothing.
01:07:12Maybe Mr. Pierce can help us out.
01:07:16Pierce?
01:07:18Uh, yes, Dean Bradley.
01:07:20That's Bobby Stevens'
01:07:22toy stethoscope, sir.
01:07:24He used to wear it all the time.
01:07:26Any second-year student
01:07:28can vouch for that, sir.
01:07:30All right. Uh, suppose I tell you
01:07:32that I'm expelling your friend
01:07:34Sam Boon Tong from this medical school,
01:07:36sending him back to China
01:07:38with a full report of his activities,
01:07:40such as sabotaging
01:07:42my reception, breaking into
01:07:44the dean's office, sending
01:07:46a cadaver to the mayor's office in a taxi
01:07:48with Pierce's name pinned to the lapel,
01:07:50impersonating a professor, impersonating
01:07:52a cadaver, making fun of people
01:07:54who donate their bodies...
01:07:56All right.
01:07:58I get your point.
01:08:00What's the deal?
01:08:02See, Pierce, I told you.
01:08:04Everyone has a weak spot.
01:08:08I'll tell you the deal.
01:08:10I want a full confession.
01:08:12And you're gonna write a letter
01:08:14of apology to me and a letter
01:08:16of apology to the Hamilton Foundation.
01:08:18And then, Mr. Stevens,
01:08:20I never want
01:08:22to see your ass
01:08:24on this campus again.
01:08:26And if I agree to that?
01:08:30Sam Boon Tong stays.
01:08:34Now do you remember?
01:08:38I'm really trying, Dean Bradley.
01:08:40It just doesn't ring a bell.
01:08:42It just doesn't ring a bell.
01:08:46Boon, do you ever get the feeling
01:08:48that maybe you're just wasting your time here?
01:08:50Oh, no.
01:08:52Already put me back one year to catch up.
01:08:54So what are you gonna do
01:08:56if you fail here?
01:08:58Then I must do the honorable thing.
01:09:02It is our way, Bobby.
01:09:04So I must work harder.
01:09:06I cannot afford to waste time.
01:09:08My family depend on me
01:09:10to become skillful doctor.
01:09:12I didn't realize
01:09:14it was this important to you.
01:09:16Oh, very important.
01:09:18There are many, many people
01:09:20in China.
01:09:22We need more technology,
01:09:24more scientists, more physicians,
01:09:26more surgeons.
01:09:28We close ourselves off from outside world
01:09:30too long.
01:09:32So I must learn here
01:09:34and go back and teach others
01:09:36so they be fine doctors, too.
01:09:38And all I have to worry about
01:09:40is passing physiology.
01:09:44I guess what I meant was
01:09:46do you think you're learning enough
01:09:49You know,
01:09:51I'm very surprised at how much
01:09:53I learned at Bradford.
01:09:55The most important thing I learned
01:09:57is that medicine,
01:09:59being good doctor,
01:10:01not only come from here,
01:10:04it's come from here.
01:10:08That's heavy stuff.
01:10:10Where'd you learn that?
01:10:12From you, Bobby.
01:10:18Listen, ship these to me
01:10:20in a couple days, will you guys?
01:10:22And I'm warning you, I don't want to find
01:10:24any lab specimens tucked in the sides.
01:10:26Bobby, I don't understand.
01:10:28Why are you leaving?
01:10:30Well, it's like this, Chairman Boone.
01:10:32I just decided that medicine wasn't for me.
01:10:34Come on, Bobby.
01:10:36Don't leave us alone here, man.
01:10:38We'll go crazy.
01:10:40We'll wind up like Howard Pierce.
01:10:42Look, Bobby, most people would sacrifice
01:10:44their next of kin just to get into medical school.
01:10:46Are you sure you're doing the right thing?
01:10:50Without a doubt.
01:10:52All right, Stevens.
01:10:54What's the real story?
01:10:56Congratulations. I hear you're going to be
01:10:58heading up to the new chronic center.
01:11:00Just as soon as the old man dies.
01:11:05I'll be in charge of these plots.
01:11:08Okay.
01:11:16Mr. Hamilton.
01:11:34Mr. Hamilton.
01:11:38Mr. Hamilton.
01:11:40I'm not hungry.
01:11:42Mr. Hamilton.
01:11:46Are you my new
01:11:48night nurse?
01:11:50No.
01:11:52I just want to talk to you for a few moments.
01:11:54I know it's crazy
01:11:56busting in on you in the middle of the night like this,
01:11:58but you're the only man who can really help me.
01:12:00You see, Dr. Berman,
01:12:02the assistant dean and a great doctor,
01:12:04said that your friend
01:12:06Dean Bradley
01:12:08drew my friend Bobby Stevens out of school
01:12:10today for pulling some dumb prank.
01:12:12And I don't think that the medical profession
01:12:14can afford to lose a young man
01:12:16of his caliber.
01:12:18Mr. Hamilton.
01:12:20Mr. Hamilton.
01:12:22Look, I don't want to
01:12:24tire you out or nothing, but
01:12:26this is very important to me.
01:12:28What's your name?
01:12:30Rob.
01:12:32Oh, that's a
01:12:34cute name for a girl.
01:12:38Mr. Hamilton, I just want to ask you
01:12:40to use your influence on Dean Bradley.
01:12:42Ask him...
01:12:44Mr. Hamilton.
01:12:46Oh, every little thing, Ralphie.
01:12:48Why don't you just hop in there
01:12:50and bed next to me and...
01:12:52Mr. Hamilton, I don't...
01:12:54Mr. Hamilton, I don't think you understand.
01:12:56Oh, I understand perfectly.
01:12:58You're everything I want.
01:13:00No, I'm not, Mr. Hamilton.
01:13:02Come to Ozzie, Ralphie.
01:13:04Mr. Hamilton, it's not what you think.
01:13:06Oh, I want you, Ralphie.
01:13:08I want you.
01:13:10Oh, but I must, I need you.
01:13:12I must have you.
01:13:28Whoops.
01:13:36Alma, look.
01:13:38That's Mr. Hamilton's room.
01:13:40Oh, my God, it's heart stopped.
01:13:46Guard, get that nurse.
01:13:48Not in Neil's room, 203.
01:13:50Not in Neil's room, 203.
01:13:54Neil's a genius. He'll save him.
01:14:02Time to call.
01:14:04Bradley?
01:14:06It's time for the ceremony.
01:14:08Osgood Hamilton is dead.
01:14:10Are you sure?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:14He's a goner.
01:14:16What's going on here?
01:14:18Oh, my God.
01:14:20Get him downstairs and pack him in ice.
01:14:22We've got to lower his body temperature
01:14:24until we freeze him at the ceremony.
01:14:26Get a couple of orderlies down here
01:14:28to pack up Mr. Hamilton.
01:14:30Yes, ma'am.
01:14:46Huh?
01:14:56Phew.
01:14:58Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Hamilton.
01:15:00Ralphie, my love.
01:15:02I knew you'd come back to me.
01:15:08You were supposed to be dead.
01:15:10Oh, but I can adjust, Ralphie.
01:15:12Really, I really...
01:15:14You just be quiet for a second.
01:15:16Shh.
01:15:18He died peacefully around 1 o'clock this morning.
01:15:20Mr. Hamilton's heart appears to have failed
01:15:22short-circuit.
01:15:24Mr. Hamilton's heart appears to have failed
01:15:26shortly after he left his bed
01:15:28to make his way to a small desk
01:15:30to make out checks to a charitable organization.
01:15:32Mr. Hamilton will be frozen at a special ceremony
01:15:34at Brantford Medical School at 2 p.m. today.
01:15:36$10 million will be donated
01:15:38toward the establishment
01:15:40of a cryonics research center in his name.
01:15:42Thank you, gentlemen.
01:15:44Mr. Hamilton, did you have a chance
01:15:46to say goodbye to your father?
01:15:48Mr. Hamilton's body was packed in ice,
01:15:50sealed immediately.
01:15:52Were you hoping against hope?
01:15:54No, no, I didn't.
01:15:56No, he didn't.
01:16:14Bobby!
01:16:16I didn't want to go through a mushy goodbye scene.
01:16:18No, no, no, Berman explained everything.
01:16:20He talked to the board of trustees on your behalf,
01:16:22and he thinks that there's a really good chance
01:16:24that you'll be reinstated. Yeah?
01:16:26But he wants you to keep your nose absolutely clean,
01:16:28not even a wrong number,
01:16:30and most important,
01:16:32stay away from the dean.
01:16:34Stevens, come on,
01:16:36we got dress rehearsal today.
01:16:38Yeah.
01:16:40No, no, I think that's just the sort of thing
01:16:42that Berman wants Bobby to avoid.
01:16:44I don't believe you two.
01:16:46Where's your sense of responsibility?
01:16:48I've got a pageant to put on.
01:16:50Oh, God.
01:16:54Who the hell is that?
01:16:56Ah, some derelict
01:16:58I picked up at the hospital.
01:17:00I'm just taking him for a ride.
01:17:02Nice to meet you.
01:17:04People are crowded in around me
01:17:06as the start of history's first cryonic ceremony
01:17:08is less than a few minutes away.
01:17:10It's beginning to look like a who's who
01:17:12in Brantford down here on the floor
01:17:14of the Gaylord Harper Memorial Auditorium.
01:17:16When the ceremony begins,
01:17:18Mr. Hamilton will be removed
01:17:20from a sealed container
01:17:22and placed into a tank of nitrogen
01:17:24where he will be frozen to death.
01:17:26Mr. Hamilton,
01:17:28I'm sorry.
01:17:30Mr. Hamilton,
01:17:32Mr. Hamilton,
01:17:34Mr. Ham-
01:17:36You've had a shag day.
01:17:38We're going to start the ceremony
01:17:40in the tank of nitrogen
01:17:42where he will be frozen
01:17:44until medical science finds a way
01:17:46to bring him back.
01:17:48Let's get organized.
01:17:50In one hour,
01:17:52we have to go into the auditorium
01:17:54and put on a show.
01:17:56I don't know about this, Bobby.
01:17:58I don't worry.
01:18:00fall by yourself again, okay?
01:18:02Okay.
01:18:03We're in this together, right?
01:18:05Right.
01:18:05One for one and all for all.
01:18:08Works for me.
01:18:09Great.
01:18:12Bobby, thank you.
01:18:16You're welcome.
01:18:20Hey Ralph, bad news.
01:18:22The pageant's off.
01:18:23Hamilton died and they took over the auditorium
01:18:25for his freezing ceremony.
01:18:26Aww.
01:18:29You believe the old fart picked a day to die?
01:18:32Oh, the old fool.
01:18:34Ruining your ceremony.
01:18:36I am proud to be associated
01:18:39with the loving, generous Hamilton family.
01:18:43Only yesterday, in his hospital room,
01:18:47Osgood and I were sharing a moment together.
01:18:51When he turned to me and he said,
01:18:52Gordy, when I go, don't let them cry for me.
01:18:59Tell them the old man is just taking a few days off,
01:19:03gathering strength for the rest of his life.
01:19:08Ladies and gentlemen, Osgood Hamilton will be back.
01:19:13I'll make sure of that.
01:19:14And now,
01:19:23let the ceremony of life begin.
01:19:26♪ Like the mountains and the valleys ♪
01:19:31♪ He will stay with us forever ♪
01:19:36♪ In the timeless place we know he will stay ♪
01:19:44♪ He will dwell among the angels ♪
01:19:49♪ And we know that he will never have to leave us ♪
01:19:55♪ When he comes along to stay ♪
01:20:02♪ We will know him when the angels speak his name ♪
01:20:11♪ And he'll say he's come to be with us again ♪
01:20:19♪ So let's stand and thank the sleeping Lord ♪
01:20:25♪ Oh yeah ♪
01:20:27♪ We'll share his love we'll share his love, we'll share his love ♪
01:20:36♪ Oh yeah we'll share his love we'll share his love, we'll share his love ♪
01:20:41Music
01:21:07Maybe we've misjudged Gordy.
01:21:09This looks like fun.
01:21:11Woo!
01:21:12Woo!
01:21:13Woo!
01:21:14Woo!
01:21:15Woo!
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