All.At.Sea.s02e08.

think tv

https://mega.nz/#!FgN0XKZD!7pLtGMH43h4YYaoALPjAs5K8XhU-BkWW24IwPEvZqnE https://mega.nz/#!s1lQVb4D!dmwIoLoiL7jG-bk0Bd_ltfHSk4eXYKZVRAnvsTvueww https://mega.nz/#!p9VwADbB!HI63pR5GYWWT_RosqX-2MYBcx53EAcOf_zXtkk7zT98 https://mega.nz/#!pgNHGQKJ!_lsMB3PvVXL1UwHS866mcDmZV5-rNOxm8KF3DEfN8As https://mega.nz/#!kglAkTLI!Kvc5Su6HOMECywZhsvabUB0FG6iUPDnKOBfwZxWRxAk https://mega.nz/#!RpkFCYYI!-GKuetWBEhqTQRL6K4KvI8FYDYhr6HT_5IzL-xoahCM https://mega.nz/#!thdGwbQB!IUejV4JB7Wp5UZ8eKSvWMWatQB_HAUIOTdvHl5YuTcY

Transcript

00:30But it's educational.

00:32Please, how can a remote-control helicopter be educational?

00:34You're such an idiot.

00:36It's not an ordinary one. It's got a spy cam on the front. Brilliant for...

00:39Spying on people?

00:40Well, yeah, it could save lives as well.

00:42I mean, if I saw someone drowning, then I could...

00:44Charlie, you are not having a remote-control helicopter.

00:47A, because it costs £90,

00:49and B, because when we bought you a remote-control boat,

00:51you put Ben's hamster in it.

00:53Yeah, but that was science.

00:54We were just testing to see if hamsters are intelligent.

00:57They're not.

00:58Well, that depends on who you compare them to.

01:01I think this one's a bit better, is it?

01:02Well, it's unusual.

01:04By which she means pathetic.

01:06But really, you knew that, didn't you?

01:08You're making a scarecrow.

01:10I thought the stand would be the hard bit,

01:12but the head's a nightmare.

01:14Just give it to me.

01:16I could make you a brilliant one, for 90 quid.

01:19I think I'm going to need to get another pumpkin.

01:22Not now. Fergal's coming. Remember? Pat's husband.

01:25Yeah, yeah, spending the entire day with him.

01:27I've never met him before. Can't wait.

01:29Oh, he's nice. Really into hill-walking.

01:32Bet you'd like hill-walking.

01:34Translation, she wants you out the house.

01:36No. Although you are in a lot.

01:38No, no, that's not true.

01:40I went out for a drink with a book group, guys.

01:42Last month. When was it? February.

01:45Look, my old dance crew have made it through

01:47to the Scarborough heats of Yorkshire's top talent.

01:50And they've changed their name to Random Crew.

01:52What were they called before?

01:54Hannah Crew, obviously.

01:56Obviously? I dropped by rehearsals. Give them some tips.

02:00On what? Losing?

02:02You won't be laughing when we win 100 quid, you pov-o.

02:05What, 100...

02:08She's right. The winner of the heat gets 100 quid.

02:15Oh, that'll be Fergal.

02:17Oh, should be a laugh.

02:23Fergal, come in.

02:27Greetings. I've got burying gifts.

02:29Oh, we've already got those.

02:30But thank you, lovely thoughts.

02:32So, this must be the famous Kev.

02:34Kevin... Oh, mate.

02:38Right, I'll put the kettle on.

02:46So, how have things been, Fergal, since the, um...

02:49It's all right, you can say it. Since I got the boot, fine.

02:53Obviously, I miss the factory.

02:54Yeah. Fergal was a manager at the ventilator plant.

02:58Oh, that sounds fascinating.

03:03Kevin used to work in a bank, didn't he, Kevin?

03:05Yes, yes, but I've always been creative.

03:07Lots of outside interest.

03:09Inside interest, more like. He's never out of the house.

03:13If I put my detective hat on...

03:18I put it to you, sir,

03:20that one of those interests is woodworking.

03:23Hey, lovely bit of join in.

03:26The filigree, did you do that?

03:29Oh, it was just something I knocked up, yeah.

03:31You're right, mate. You are creative.

03:36Do you know a bit about woodworking?

03:37No, I'm all thumbs with timber.

03:39What about pumpkins?

03:41Yes, I've been known to carve the odd bit of fruit.

03:44Really? Oh.

03:46Well, listen, I suppose you could do better than that.

03:51These humble instruments are at your disposal, sir.

03:54Oh!

03:55HE LAUGHS

03:56It's gone invisible now.

04:04And now I shall put this pencil through this coin.

04:13Whoa! How do you do that?

04:14A magician never tells.

04:17But it's so cool.

04:20It's a trick coin, look. It's got a flap and everything.

04:23Outstanding.

04:26But seriously, do you think I'm good enough to win Yorkshire's top talent?

04:29No.

04:32But I think you're good enough to win Scarborough's heat and then...

04:35a helicopter with spy cam.

04:37Now, just promise me that we're not putting animals in it.

04:41Definitely not. It'd wreck it.

04:43This is expensive hardware.

04:45That's what you said about the boat.

04:47Then you put Monty in it.

04:48Bet he made it to Ireland.

04:55And one, and two, and three, and four...

04:57Stop the cover, guys. The H-bomb's back.

05:02Hannah, heard about the old Yorkshire's top, Taz?

05:05Obviously, me quitting was the wake-up call you needed.

05:08So I'm back.

05:10Actually, we've got a new lead dancer now.

05:13Vicky, the substitute backing dancer.

05:17Are you having a laugh?

05:19Watch and learn, hobbit.

05:22DJ, hit it.

05:30This is for those who'd like a moment.

05:33MUSIC PLAYS

05:35Is your hat on straight? I love what you've done with the hair.

05:37OK, look at it. The hair is lovely.

05:40Fine, OK.

05:42Ta-da!

05:44MUSIC CONTINUES

05:46MUSIC CONTINUES

05:48MUSIC CONTINUES

05:50MUSIC CONTINUES

05:52MUSIC CONTINUES

05:54MUSIC CONTINUES

05:56MUSIC CONTINUES

05:58MUSIC CONTINUES

06:00MUSIC CONTINUES

06:02MUSIC CONTINUES

06:05Don't worry, love, it's not real.

06:07I know. It doesn't have legs.

06:10It can't catch me.

06:13I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and not be here.

06:19So, what do you think?

06:21I think you should make sure it doesn't face next door.

06:23Mrs Campbell's got a weak heart.

06:25Oh, the eyes. The eyes are Fergal's idea. Classic Fergal.

06:28It turns out I do have a creative side.

06:30Not that they cared at the factory.

06:33Well, thanks for your help, Fergal.

06:35Fergal was gonna stay for lunch.

06:36We're gonna pop this in the garden,

06:38then we're just gonna chill and watch DVD.

06:40Rhapsody in Wood, 100 Years of Chairmaking. Sounds brilliant.

06:44Lunch. Er, I haven't got much in.

06:46I'll eat anything, Helen.

06:48A couple of chops, peas, roasties, whatever.

06:51Right, erm...

06:57What else can we do? I don't know.

06:59MUSIC PLAYS

07:03MUSIC CONTINUES

07:14Let's skip to the... Hannah Carew.

07:21So, I'm back, yeah?

07:23Erm, maybe I should dance before you make a final decision.

07:26If you want to embarrass yourself.

07:29Hit it.

07:30MUSIC CONTINUES

07:32MUSIC CONTINUES

07:48Let's skip to the good bit.

07:55Yeah, it was all right. A few bits you need to work on.

07:58Hands up, who wants Mia's lead?

08:01Sorry, Hannah, you can be with my pointers.

08:04They showcase my skills. Watch.

08:17When I get on stage, I need to project an aura of confidence.

08:20You'll be fine. Stop worrying about it.

08:23You're right. Worryers never look confident.

08:26I need to stop worrying.

08:29I can't. Now I'm worrying about worrying.

08:32Oh, this isn't good.

08:34Gumballs, three o'clock!

08:36Jawbreakers! Ben, lend them to me.

08:38All right. Let's not get too distracted.

08:40I need to practise my act, you need to give me feedback.

08:43Yeah, but I'll be able to concentrate better when I've had gumballs.

08:46I feel like a brightly coloured ball of sugar to focus the mind.

08:52It's not working.

08:54Come on.

08:59I've gone and given you my trick coin.

09:01Oh, that's one of my best bits, we need to get it back.

09:05Oh!

09:07Stuck.

09:08I'm against the use of force, unless it's absolutely necessary.

09:12No!

09:14You can't do that.

09:15You can reach up.

09:19Oh.

09:23My hand's stuck.

09:25Oh, hang on.

09:27Hang on.

09:33We need to get you out of there, Ben.

09:35A wolf in a trap would gnaw off its own leg.

09:39Just saying.

09:41Oi, what are you doing?

09:44Not again.

09:47You can stare all you like for a man, but you'll never catch me.

09:51I've got legs.

09:59I've phoned the engineer, and he can't get here for four and a half hours.

10:04What? We can't wait four hours, he's got a magic show to do.

10:07I look at him there, I don't see him, I can't see him.

10:12What does he have a magic show to do?

10:14I look at him there, I don't see a magician.

10:18Come on, son, have a sit down, and a cup of tea.

10:21What, no, he's highly allergic to milk.

10:24His throat, it swells up, it's horrible, it's like a...

10:27HE GROANS

10:35I'll get you some lemonade.

10:39What did you tell him that for?

10:41Four hours, we'll have to fix it ourselves.

10:43Ben, we're mobilising.

10:46You can't do this! This is insane!

10:50Oi!

10:52Let off.

10:54Oh.

10:56Oh, lovely hammer technique.

10:58Oh, it's amazing. Every time I watch this, I find something new.

11:01Here we go.

11:03Lovely jubbly.

11:07No roasties? Yeah, Fergal did ask for roasties, love.

11:10Do you know, I've not had time.

11:12You know, with shopping, looking after the kids, running a B&B.

11:18Right, then.

11:20Yeah, just a little bit of brown sauce, Helen.

11:22Oh, and some mint sauce, room temperature.

11:24Oh, yeah.

11:26Oh, here comes the claw hammer.

11:29Look at that.

11:40No, Chloe, it's not...

11:42It's...

11:45Don't have a go at Chloe.

11:47She might be a rubbish dancer, but she's a human too.

11:50I say it's time for a change.

11:52I think Jemma for lead dancer.

11:54Me? No, I'm not good enough.

11:57You've got to believe in yourself, hun.

11:59But you're right, you're not good enough.

12:02So, who else could it be?

12:06Someone who has experience in leading a crew?

12:11But who?

12:13What are you, thick? Obviously it's me.

12:16What about this?

12:18Hands up, who thinks we should kick Hannah out of the crew?

12:25Let's give me the brown sauce.

12:27They are useless.

12:35Shh! It's not me, it's this machine.

12:37Shh! Get up to my room.

12:40Charlie, do you want some lunch?

12:42Freeze!

12:44What's that noise? I didn't hear anything.

12:48Hi, guys. Do you want some lunch?

12:50No, thanks, Mrs Enright, we're fine.

12:52Affirmative. Meaning negative on the food.

12:55We had a lovely dinner at Ben's.

12:58Pork, chicken and cake.

13:03OK, well, let's get on.

13:05It's an Italian recipe.

13:07Venice, I think.

13:09I'd love to go to Venice, see all the canals.

13:12Oh, a gondola at sunset.

13:15Magical.

13:17Fascinating.

13:19Now, I really must get on.

13:21I'll do it, Mum.

13:23Changing the bed sheets and that.

13:25What? Why would you?

13:27I've been thinking, I need to help out a little more.

13:29What have you done?

13:31I'm beating something in your bedroom.

13:33Is that why you won't let me up the stairs?

13:35No, there's nothing in my room.

13:37Get out of the way.

13:44Mum, there's nothing in my room.

13:46Get out of the way.

13:52It's after me.

13:54Oh, Louie, I moved it.

13:56What's the emergency?

13:58Will you tell him that's not real?

14:00I've got to go and sort Charlie out.

14:02It's up to something.

14:04Louie, that scarecrow is just a pumpkin

14:07and a couple of sticks.

14:09You've probably heard stories, haven't you,

14:11about them coming to life

14:13and about how they hunt down kids

14:15and put them on a stick.

14:17Then they turn the kids into scarecrows

14:19and just leave them in a field forever,

14:21for all eternity.

14:23But...

14:25But they're just silly stories.

14:27You don't need to worry.

14:30Hey, Faggot, do you want some of your trail bits?

14:32Yeah, yeah.

14:38Hi, Mum.

14:40Just tell me,

14:42have you done something really bad?

14:44What? No, it's Ben.

14:46He's in the heat for Yorkshire's top talent later.

14:48I'm just having a bit of R&R.

14:52All right.

14:54Good luck, Ben.

15:01The stress of this!

15:03Get it off me!

15:05Mind you, if you can't get it off,

15:07you could always do an act with it.

15:09You could dance with it, you could... Ow!

15:12It was just a thought.

15:20Don't suppose you've seen three kids

15:22with a gumball machine, have you?

15:24Nah. Well, they've stolen it, so if you do...

15:26Actually, I did see some girls

15:28down the community centre

15:30smashing up a gumball machine,

15:32saying they had to destroy the evidence.

15:34They must be connected.

15:36Definitely.

15:38Well, I've heard their leader, Vicky Carter,

15:40is a right little crim up to all sorts.

15:46And then I showed them my moves

15:48and they said I was way better

15:50and they asked me to be lead dancer.

15:52That's fantastic, Hannah.

15:54Parents can come, too.

15:56So I was thinking you and Dad could make a huge banner

15:58that says, Hannah, she's the greatest dancer.

16:00No.

16:02All right, better go and get ready.

16:06I like a nice bit of pine,

16:08but you're the boss, Kev.

16:10No, no, I like pine. Pine is da bomb.

16:12Hey, Fergal's had a brilliant idea.

16:14We are going to build a proper garden shed.

16:16At Fergal's?

16:19No, no, here. You know, you were saying we should get one.

16:21Just take a couple of weeks.

16:23Well, that's a lot of work, Fergal.

16:25Are you sure you can spare the time?

16:27No, I could be here seven days a week.

16:29I mean, I've got nothing else to do.

16:31We've got to go.

16:33My Vicky's in it, too.

16:35Oh, well, great, well, we can go together, then.

16:37Oh, Vicky, just talking about you.

16:39What? What? Calm down.

16:41What?

16:43Look, don't worry, darling.

16:45I'm coming.

16:47It's my little princess.

16:49She's been taken down the police station.

16:55Decoupling complete.

16:57Brilliant.

17:00How is this brilliant?

17:02Well, it's less obvious. Maybe now you could do the magic show.

17:04Are you out of your mind?

17:06How am I supposed to do delicate sleight of hand

17:08with a giant gumball hoof?

17:10He's right.

17:12But a wolf would gnaw if its own...

17:14Will you stop saying that?

17:16I'm not gnawing. Nobody's gnawing.

17:18There's only one thing for it.

17:20You're right. Go back to the shop, apologise to the shop...

17:22You coach me.

17:24I'll do the magic show.

17:26Sorry, what? Excellent, the old switcheroo.

17:28That's ridiculous.

17:30You don't know the first thing about magic.

17:32The wardrobe of disappearance. How's that going to work?

17:34You put someone in it and they disappear.

17:36Yeah, but how? How do they disappear?

17:38And soar into my own health?

17:40How are you going to do that?

17:42I don't know. You'll teach me. I'll practise.

17:45Yeah, but who's going to be stupid enough to let you...

17:47Libby!

17:49Do you want to help us with our magic act, buddy?

17:51I don't like it here.

17:53I don't want to be a scarecrow.

17:55Me neither, buddy. Me neither.

17:58THEME MUSIC PLAYS

18:05Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Yorkshire's top talent...

18:08Hey, I've made some in the heat.

18:10You're early!

18:12Yeah, I'm a magician. Got to set up my equipment.

18:14Name?

18:16Ben.

18:18Oh, and I'm Jim.

18:20Just a little inch or two under him.

18:22You know, good old Jim.

18:24Jiminy cricket, Jim, Jim, Jiminy Jiminy room.

18:26You're a ventriloquist.

18:28Oh. Yeah, I'm not performing.

18:30Oh, last-minute stage fright, eh?

18:33Come on, show me. I bet you're brilliant.

18:37Get back in the box, Jimmy Brown.

18:39No, I don't want you to get back in the box.

18:44Well, there's always next year.

18:48I'm going to bend down here.

18:50Oh, um, he's got a stage name.

18:53The Great Decepto.

18:56I thought it would sound a bit more...mysterious.

19:06Daddy! Daddy!

19:08It's all right, love. What's going on?

19:11Witness saw Vicky smashing up a stolen gumball machine with a hammer.

19:14I didn't, Daddy, I didn't. I'm sure we can sort this out.

19:17No, no, no, Fergal, don't be reasonable.

19:19The last thing these people respect is reasonable.

19:21Now, listen, my name is Kevin J. Enright.

19:24And J stands for justice, and so do I.

19:27Yes, exactly.

19:29And now...

19:32Empty.

19:34Cool.

19:36Where's she gone?

19:38Into another world far, far away.

19:40But soon she'll be back, because when we open the door...

19:44Grr!

19:45Et voila! Piece of cake.

19:47Now, what about that one?

19:49Wait, you've got to get this absolutely right.

19:52Louis has made sure he has tucked his feet into the top half of the coffin.

19:56Right, Louis? Yeah.

19:58So this is empty,

20:00and the fake feet can be activated by a button here.

20:04Which creates the illusion that Louis is in the full length of the coffin.

20:08Which makes it absolutely terrifying for the audience,

20:11when I do...

20:16When I do...

20:19Totally unrealistic.

20:21You've severed major arteries.

20:23There should be massive blood spatters.

20:25In your version, where the whole audience needs years of psychotherapy.

20:29OK, got it.

20:30Why all the fuss, Ben?

20:32I'm going to be amazing at this.

20:35But what happens when the little man fights back?

20:38Oh, yes.

20:39What happens when the little man has the heart of a giant?

20:43Well, you...

20:45Nah, she's not one of them.

20:48All right, you can go.

20:49Hang on, I haven't finished yet. I had a big bit about...

20:52OK, four down, Gryffindor.

20:56Well done to Brian Phelps for his farmyard impressions.

20:59And in a moment, we have...

21:02You're beautiful.

21:03When I die, I want to have a coffin just like you.

21:10Scarecrow head, it's come for me!

21:12Scarecrow head, it's come for me!

21:14I must escape to another world!

21:17Still no sign of her.

21:19I can't believe Vicky let us down like this.

21:21There's only one thing we can do.

21:23Go back to the old routine.

21:25Old dance lead, all right.

21:28But we'll keep the pointing.

21:30But only now, you're pointing at me.

21:33Kevin, I'm at the talent show now.

21:35Just give me a call and tell me everything's all right at the police station.

21:39Not that I'm worried, just...

21:41Anyway, call me.

21:45He's brilliant. He catches them every time.

21:47Yorkshire's top talent.

21:48Why didn't you call me?

21:50I got caught up in a fight against police oppression.

21:52He was fantastic.

21:54Next one, I'll try on my nice clothes.

21:56Yeah, go on, go on.

21:58One, two...

22:00No, no, leave.

22:06And now, give it up for the great Decepto.

22:12That's the boy! That's the boy!

22:17Ladies and gentlemen,

22:19you are about to witness the greatest carnival of conjuring

22:22ever seen by human eyeballs.

22:24For my first trick, I'd need a mobile telephone.

22:27You, madam?

22:32Now watch, if you dare.

22:35Charlie, the double.

22:37Swap it for the double.

22:39Charlie!

22:41Charlie, no!

22:43Charlie!

22:45Charlie!

22:52As you can see, I've smashed the phone.

22:55But watch in amazement as...

22:57The phone is...

22:59The phone is...

23:07It'll be all right in about an hour.

23:10Woo-hoo!

23:12Thank you, thank you.

23:16Now, for my next trick, the wardrobe of wonder.

23:23Now, I need another volunteer from the audience.

23:26Anyone?

23:28Melanie White, you're volunteered.

23:31Step into my magic door.

23:33I'll do some magic which will make the crowd go caw.

23:39Are you from the other world?

23:41You should stay there.

23:43My world's scary.

23:45Ooh!

23:46And to your astonishment, she has this...

23:49Ooh!

23:51..turned into a boy.

23:53Is this the other world? It's just like mine.

23:56Hello? Hello?

23:58Am I the king here?

24:00Let me out! Anybody there?

24:02Hello?

24:04And in an hour, he'll turn back into a girl.

24:06Hello? Hello?

24:08Let me out!

24:10And for my final trick, the coffin of chaos.

24:13You'd better pull something out of the bag.

24:18And for this, I need a member of the audience to volunteer

24:21so I can saw in half. Anyone?

24:24I'll do it.

24:26Thank you, Fergal. You're my best mate, Kev.

24:29Don't want to see your boy hanging.

24:32Did you hear that? We're best mates.

24:37And point.

24:39Gemma, lose that bendy banana finger.

24:43Sorry, Hannah.

24:46Sorry I'm late.

24:48Vicky, when are we on?

24:50We? I don't think so.

24:52You couldn't be bothered showing up.

24:54We had to change the whole routine.

24:56We don't care. We want Vicky.

24:58You want a crim for lead dancer?

25:00She's been charged with stealing a gumball machine.

25:03How do you know?

25:05Just heard.

25:07From who? You've been here. You haven't talked to anyone.

25:11It was you. You lied to the police to get rid of me.

25:14No, I... I'm telling my dad. You're toast.

25:18Ladies and gentlemen,

25:20behold as I, the great Deceptosaurus, human in half.

25:23They're not the fake feet.

25:25He hasn't told him to tuck his legs.

25:27Charlie's a big-picture guy, not good on details.

25:30Details? He's about to cut someone in half.

25:33Charlie! Charlie!

25:35Dad! Dad! I found it! Who lied to the police?

25:37Her!

25:39Wait till I get hold of her. Let me out!

25:42Shh! I'm trying to win £100.

25:44Let me out, sod.

25:46Don't worry, I'm not actually going to saw you in half.

25:49Look, fake feet.

25:51I felt that! I felt that!

25:53Help, he's going to chop me in half!

25:55Don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, it's all part of the act.

25:58Charlie!

26:00No, stop!

26:02No!

26:07Errol!

26:10Shut it down!

26:12Now or never, guys.

26:16No!

26:23What's the matter with you?

26:25The slog who framed my Vicky.

26:27What's the matter with me?

26:29You've probably done the wrong thing.

26:31Make sure she's punished.

26:33Of course I will, whoever that is.

26:36Hannah! Hannah! Come here!

26:39Your dad wants to punish you.

26:42What's that?

26:44I planned the garden shed, don't throw that away.

26:46You're dead to me, Kev. Kevin!

26:56Can I have my £100?

27:01At least we secured the gumballs. Want one?

27:04I forgot what to say. I'm allergic.

27:12I like it here.

27:17How can this be right? Public humiliation.

27:20And for what? For trying to bring a bit of magic into people's lives?

27:24What kind of lesson's that for a child?

27:26It's a travesty of justice.

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