1989 Transylvania Twist HOT MOVIE
In the film, a female member of the Orlock family inherits her family's ancestral castle in Transylvania. A vampire cousin of the heiress is trying to use a stolen magical book to summon a monster to Earth. A vampire hunter of the Van Helsing family tries to cope with his new life as a vampire.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:04:49Hi, friends!
00:04:50Slick Lambert here for Death City,
00:04:52the one-stop funeral emporium for all your post-mortem needs.
00:04:55Yes, Death City, ladies and gentlemen,
00:04:57where you won't take our prices lying down.
00:04:59Help me out of here, will you, lovely Rita?
00:05:01Sure thing, Slick.
00:05:02Yes, folks, we're burying the competition
00:05:04on all our brand-new 1989 copies,
00:05:06so I just take a gander at this baby over here.
00:05:09Sure, great paint job, full factory air,
00:05:11T-tops loaded with extras.
00:05:13And will you take a look at this incredible
00:05:14tuck-and-roll interior?
00:05:15Bet you'd love to spend eternity in there, huh, Rita?
00:05:17I can't wait to get inside.
00:05:19I'll bet you can't.
00:05:20Now, you might expect to spend as much as $1,000
00:05:22on a coffin like this, but this week only,
00:05:24this classy casket can be yours for, that's right,
00:05:27only $999.99.
00:05:30And while you're here, don't forget to ask
00:05:31about our special layaway program.
00:05:33A little in-house humor there, folks.
00:05:35I think it's funny.
00:05:36You think train wrecks are funny.
00:05:38Yes, friends, it's a tremendous inventory clearance
00:05:40on both new and used coffins,
00:05:41from sporty compacts to full-size luxury models
00:05:44like this one.
00:05:45Yes, and with your good credit,
00:05:47we won't put you in the hole
00:05:48until you're absolutely ready.
00:05:49Now, you're probably wondering,
00:05:50how do I get to Death City?
00:05:52How do I get to Death City?
00:05:53I'm glad you asked that question, sweetheart.
00:05:55All you do is take a freeway, any freeway.
00:05:57Do you see that big neon coffin in the sky?
00:06:00Yes, friends, that's the home of Death City,
00:06:01mortuary, crematorium, and cemetery
00:06:03all in one convenient location.
00:06:05And friends, remember, you can't take it with you,
00:06:07so you might as well spend it here
00:06:09at Death City,
00:06:11where we put the fun back in funerals,
00:06:14and I'll stand on my head to bury your dead.
00:06:16And now, let's get back to our movies,
00:06:18The Vampire DJs from Hell.
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00:06:55Excuse me, is this the service for Ephraim Ward?
00:06:57Indeed, sir. Are you related to the deceased?
00:07:00As far as I know, I'm his only living relative.
00:07:02My name is Dexter Ward.
00:07:04Oh, of course, Mr. Ward, I spoke to you on the phone
00:07:06when you made the arrangement.
00:07:07Right.
00:07:08We've opened the casket so that the bereaved
00:07:10may pay their last respects.
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00:07:34Goodbye, Uncle Ephraim.
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00:07:41Ah!
00:07:43The book, the book of all power.
00:07:47You must find it.
00:07:49It alone has the power to summon forth the evil one.
00:07:55What am I doing here?
00:07:58You're dead, Uncle Ephraim.
00:07:59Like hell I am.
00:08:01Get me out of this goddamn thing.
00:08:05What stupid son of a bitch pronounced me dead?
00:08:08I believe it was Dr. Mallory.
00:08:10That quack in this cheap-jack place
00:08:12didn't even bother to embalm me.
00:08:14Help me, help me, help me!
00:08:17Dear me, this was rather unexpected.
00:08:21You can all go home. I'm not dead.
00:08:24Dexter, my boy, give me your arm.
00:08:27Get out of here, you miserable toadies.
00:08:30Toadies?
00:08:31Phony bastards never saw one of them before in my life.
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00:08:38You're looking much better since the funeral, Uncle Ephraim.
00:08:40You know, I think death agrees with you.
00:08:42Dexter, you're the only person who seems genuinely happy I'm still alive.
00:08:46Well, remember what they said about that condition of yours.
00:08:48You sure it's such a good idea returning to work this soon?
00:08:51Oh, my boy, this library is my life.
00:08:53For 40 years, I've been responsible for the world's largest collection of books
00:08:58on witchcraft and the black arts.
00:09:00That's what I call job security.
00:09:02Dexter, have you ever heard of the Book of Ulthar?
00:09:05Nope.
00:09:06Ulthar was a sorcerer at a time before history
00:09:10when all the world was in darkness and chaos prevailed.
00:09:13Oh, yeah, I remember. The Reagan administration.
00:09:15No, no. It was the reign of the Evil One,
00:09:18an elder god that once walked the earth.
00:09:22Ulthar cast a spell which banished this unearthly creature
00:09:26to the eternal void beyond time and space.
00:09:29Yeah, I spent a weekend there once.
00:09:32You may scoff, but many authorities believe
00:09:35that the Evil One has been waiting these countless eons
00:09:39for the counter spell that would free it from its astral exile.
00:09:43Yeah, I know. And once again, we'll all be down the crapper.
00:09:45Correct. Ulthar placed all his mystic incantations in one volume
00:09:50which has been carefully guarded throughout the ages.
00:09:54Then, 20 years ago, I made a tragic error.
00:10:01I lent the book out.
00:10:03Isn't that what libraries are supposed to do?
00:10:05Not with such a priceless volume.
00:10:08The culprit's name was Marinus Orlock.
00:10:11His academic credentials were impeccable.
00:10:14And a few days later, he simply vanished with my book.
00:10:19For two decades, I vainly attempted to find some trace of him.
00:10:24Then finally, just recently, I unearthed a clue.
00:10:27A daughter living in Los Angeles.
00:10:30I was about to contact her when I had my attack.
00:10:34I had a feeling this was all leading someplace.
00:10:36You've been like a son to me, Dexter.
00:10:38I know it's a great favor to ask, but...
00:10:41Hey, don't, don't, don't.
00:10:42You know, I owe you more than I could ever repay.
00:10:44You give me that address, I'll find that book.
00:10:46Orlock's daughter is named Marissa.
00:10:49Marissa?
00:10:50You can contact her here.
00:10:53All right, everybody.
00:10:54Quiet for a picture.
00:11:11I don't like schematic.
00:11:13I don't play chess.
00:11:15I'm just not used to second best.
00:11:19I don't watch Wheel of Fortune or meet the press.
00:11:23I'm not the kind who gets depressed.
00:11:27Just give me action.
00:11:30Your love is the attraction.
00:11:34It's pure satisfaction.
00:11:38It's...
00:11:46No!
00:11:50I don't like blasting out of your screw gun control.
00:11:54I want some fun before I get old.
00:11:58I don't like causing accidents.
00:12:00I'm on a roll.
00:12:02Who cares if I'm on parole?
00:12:06Just give me action.
00:12:09Your love keeps me in traction.
00:12:13It's pure satisfaction, yeah
00:12:25Let's start a revolution
00:12:27Calling John Wayne
00:12:29Your love is driving me insane
00:12:33Let's storm a fort
00:12:35Missile base, start World War III
00:12:37Knock off the Ayatollah for me
00:12:41Just give me action
00:12:44Your love is the attraction
00:12:48It's pure satisfaction, yeah
00:12:59Come on and give me a little action, will you honey?
00:13:11Cut!
00:13:13That was beautiful, Marissa!
00:13:16Is everything all right?
00:13:18Babe, they only make one word to describe your performance.
00:13:20Simply sensational.
00:13:21That's two words.
00:13:22Right. Right now, I predict that song's gonna win a granny.
00:13:25That's granny!
00:13:26No, dearie, he meant granny.
00:13:29Here you go, chief.
00:13:31Okay, everybody, it's a wrap.
00:13:37Pardon me.
00:13:39Pardon me. Pardon me.
00:13:40You're Marissa Orlock, right?
00:13:42How did you know my last name?
00:13:43Not even my press agent knows that.
00:13:45I'm Dexter Ward.
00:13:46I've been tracking you down all over L.A.
00:13:48Hey, look, I love my fans,
00:13:49but don't let it get out of control, okay?
00:13:51You don't understand.
00:13:52See, I want to talk to you about your father, Marinus.
00:13:55What about my father?
00:13:57Well, you see my Uncle Ephraim?
00:13:58He's got...
00:13:59Wait. We can talk in here. It's private.
00:14:02Hey!
00:14:04Hey, this is the set for the last drive.
00:14:07It's where they used to film all those old sitcoms.
00:14:10Now, what information do you have about my father?
00:14:13Oh, uh, well, not much, I'm afraid.
00:14:15Apparently, sometime in the late 60s,
00:14:17your father borrowed a one-of-a-kind volume
00:14:19from the Arkham Public Library,
00:14:21the, uh, the Book of Othar.
00:14:22Now, supposedly, when translated,
00:14:24this book could open up a doorway
00:14:26to another dimension,
00:14:27What was that?
00:14:28It's one of those old laugh track machines.
00:14:31They used to use it on all these shows.
00:14:33Who's operating it?
00:14:34No one.
00:14:35I think they just forgot to turn it off.
00:14:37But don't worry.
00:14:38It's programmed to laugh at anything.
00:14:40See what I mean?
00:14:42Oh, where was I?
00:14:44Oh, yeah.
00:14:45Anyway, my Uncle Ephraim
00:14:46is the head librarian at Arkham,
00:14:48and he's a little eager
00:14:49to have this particular book returned,
00:14:51so I thought I'd give it a try.
00:14:54I was a little eager
00:14:55to have this particular book returned,
00:14:57so I was kind of hoping you could, uh,
00:14:59give me a current address on your father.
00:15:01Oh, I was hoping you could give me one.
00:15:03See, my father left when I was quite young.
00:15:05He arranged a Swiss bank account for our support,
00:15:08but neither my mother or I have heard from him
00:15:10in, like, nearly 20 years.
00:15:12And I'd give anything to see him again.
00:15:15Hey, that's not funny.
00:15:18Look, um, I'm sorry we had to meet
00:15:20under these circumstances.
00:15:21I, uh, I won't bother you anymore.
00:15:25Hello, everyone.
00:15:27Home reception video.
00:15:28You must be characters from the future.
00:15:31Let's see, this is where the plot thickens.
00:15:34Telegram, uh, telegram for Marissa Orlock.
00:15:37Oh, I'm Marissa Orlock.
00:15:38Yeah, well, this must be for you.
00:15:40Let's see.
00:15:41Let's start.
00:15:42Let's see.
00:15:43Let's see.
00:15:45Let's see.
00:15:46Will you come on?
00:15:49What a crouch.
00:15:52A message from Victor Van Helsing.
00:15:55I don't know anybody by that name.
00:15:58Come immediately to Castle Orlock in Transylvania.
00:16:05No.
00:16:13My father just died.
00:16:16How painful this must be for you.
00:16:19I'm gonna call the travel agency.
00:16:22Reserve tickets for two.
00:16:25For Transylvania.
00:16:34Ladies and gentlemen,
00:16:35we are now beginning our descent into Transylvania.
00:16:39Please fasten your seatbelts
00:16:41and extinguish all torches.
00:16:45The flight to Transylvania airwaves.
00:16:50The white zone is for immediate loading
00:16:52and unloading of coffins.
00:16:54There is no dying in the red zone.
00:16:56And at the signpost up ahead, the twilight zone.
00:17:02Oh, it's beautiful here.
00:17:05Now what do we do?
00:17:06According to the telegram,
00:17:07we'll go straight to Hansburg.
00:17:09It's a small village just west of here.
00:17:11Got any neat ideas on how to get there?
00:17:13Nope.
00:17:14Okay.
00:17:24Taxi!
00:17:26Oh, I'm not sure.
00:17:27We're trying to get to Hansburg.
00:17:29Look, lady, you either want a taxi
00:17:31or you don't want a taxi.
00:17:32Don't skin off my ass either way.
00:17:34But you're making.
00:17:35You got it, baby.
00:17:36Maxi Field.
00:17:37Big apple cab company.
00:17:39What are you doing here?
00:17:40Can I help it if they give me a bed area?
00:17:43Hey, I'm not taking a bed here for my health.
00:17:45You want a ride or not?
00:17:46You got it.
00:17:47Can you take us to Hansburg?
00:17:49I don't usually like to go into that area after dark,
00:17:51but hey, a fair's a fair, right?
00:17:54You know what I mean?
00:17:55Hop in.
00:18:03Those red caps, they don't look too well.
00:18:08Yeah, they're zombies.
00:18:09Forget about them.
00:18:10You get used to them.
00:18:11What?
00:18:12The walking's dead?
00:18:13Hey, New York, you got your junkies
00:18:15here, you got your zombies.
00:18:17What's the difference?
00:18:18They all look like Keith Richards anyway.
00:18:20They don't look particularly efficient.
00:18:25Yeah, they're dead.
00:18:26They're all messed up.
00:18:39Nice scenery around here.
00:18:41Hey, folks, you got your misshrouded moors,
00:18:44your bleak forest, desolate graveyards.
00:18:47Great place for picnics.
00:18:48You know, you didn't have to come.
00:18:50If I found the Book of Altar, I could have just sent it to you.
00:18:53You know.
00:18:54You don't mind me being here, do you?
00:18:55No.
00:18:56It's nice to have company, especially in a place like this.
00:19:00Ah, who knows?
00:19:01Maybe they'll put up a Disneyland here someday.
00:19:04Yeah, I could see it all now.
00:19:06Vampires of the Caribbean right over there someplace.
00:19:09Hey, did you say that you were a librarian?
00:19:11No, no, no.
00:19:12My uncle's a librarian.
00:19:13I'm just helping him out during summer vacation.
00:19:15I studied pre-med at Arkham University.
00:19:17I was going to be a lawyer, but I couldn't
00:19:19stand the sight of blood.
00:19:20I never finished high school.
00:19:22Oh, really?
00:19:24Despite graduating from high school,
00:19:26Marissa's recording career prevented her
00:19:28from pursuing a higher education.
00:19:30I've been doing a little research.
00:19:33Well, at least that much is true.
00:19:36Wait a minute.
00:19:37That describes your perfect mate.
00:19:38Yeah, here we go.
00:19:39Tall, handsome, great sense of humor.
00:19:41You sound like anybody you know.
00:19:43Eh, one out of three, you bet.
00:19:48Sorry about the bumps.
00:19:50We got better roads in the Bronx.
00:19:52You know, I still don't understand
00:19:53what a New York cabbie is doing in a place like this.
00:19:56Talking to me.
00:19:57Nobody else here.
00:19:58Must be talking to me.
00:20:00I wanted to get out of the city.
00:20:01Big mistake.
00:20:03You can't even find a decent piece of pizza
00:20:05in this whole damn country.
00:20:08Want a bite?
00:20:09No, thanks.
00:20:28You know, we don't seem to be getting
00:20:30the media coverage off what we would.
00:20:32You missed the point, Mr. Mole.
00:20:34We'd be stopping any unauthorized grave robbers
00:20:36from sneaking in and nipping the old gentleman inside.
00:20:40Aye, and selling him to those medical chaps
00:20:42for a measly ten bob.
00:20:44Ten bob doesn't sound so bad here and now.
00:20:46We could buy another bottle.
00:20:48Help us keep warm.
00:20:50Oh, that we could, Mr. Sweeney, that we...
00:20:52Be you suggesting we cross our own picket line?
00:20:55Aye, that I be, Mr. Mole.
00:20:57Did you bring your tools with you?
00:20:59Would a good union man be without his tools of trade?
00:21:05Always a pleasure to see a professional at work, Mr. Sweeney.
00:21:10Why, thank you, Mr. Mole.
00:21:13Got these bloody alarms on everything these days.
00:21:18Off to you, Mr. Mole.
00:21:20Off to you, Mr. Sweeney.
00:21:23You think you bet we'd be saving him
00:21:25from being snatched by someone while eating, are you?
00:21:29I'm sure he'd be appreciating that fat, Mr. Mole.
00:21:34No!
00:21:36No!
00:21:44No, no, please!
00:21:46No!
00:21:48No!
00:21:50No!
00:21:52No!
00:21:54No, no, please!
00:21:56No, no, please!
00:22:12Oh, my God!
00:22:14Oh, my God!
00:22:16Oh, my God!
00:22:18Oh, my God!
00:22:20Oh!
00:22:32Oh!
00:22:45Thank God!
00:22:47Thank God, Governor?
00:22:50Thank God I got him before dinner.
00:23:15Oh, this place looks worse than an Italian deli.
00:23:19Pardon me. Pardon me.
00:23:22It's a lovely place you got here,
00:23:24but, um, how can you afford all this garland?
00:23:29Excuse me.
00:23:31Excuse me.
00:23:35Excuse me.
00:23:37Excuse me.
00:23:39Excuse me.
00:23:41Excuse me.
00:23:44Excuse me.
00:23:46Um, can somebody tell us how to get to Castle Orloff?
00:23:50Oh!
00:23:55I don't think they've heard of it.
00:24:06Perhaps I can help you.
00:24:08I am Sir Chief Constable.
00:24:10Oh, hello, there. My name is Dexter Ward.
00:24:12Hans hop
00:24:14No, no, that's my name. Oh, I see hop hands up. All right now hands down. Yes. What do you say?
00:24:21I'm not talking to your hands. I'm talking to him. That's hands down our local undertaker
00:24:27Constable with all these similar names. You must have your hands full. Yes
00:24:31knew it
00:24:34Perhaps you can help us Constable Hutch. All right
00:24:38What would be your business at Castle?
00:24:41Please see my name is Marissa or lock and my father
00:24:47Somehow I don't think dad was the president of the local Kiwanis Club
00:24:52Don't mean to say you're marrying us or locks daughter
00:24:57Yes, you don't mean to say no I do
00:25:00Let me rephrase this are you not marrying us or locks daughter? Yes. Yes. You're not
00:25:08Like this simple, this is Marissa or lock I'm Dexter Ward. We're looking for Castle or lock and we're all here to play super password
00:25:16young lady I
00:25:18Seriously suggest that you stay away from the Gaza. It has been boarded up since your father's death
00:25:24Yes, no, I'm not there now at least
00:25:28No one
00:25:40I received a telegram stating that my uncle Byron had already arrived there. He's back
00:25:46Byron or lock is back now. No one will be safe. Not our wives our children our mistresses
00:25:52And he's coming in on the new train
00:25:55Hey, wait a minute. I'm in the wrong movie
00:25:59You're not telling me that Byron or lock is back. No, no, wait a minute. Don't start that again
00:26:05But what's wrong with everybody? Oh
00:26:07I think it's wrong
00:26:10You must make allowances. These are but superstitious peasants afraid of the old shadows
00:26:17You
00:26:21See what I mean
00:26:23There is much to fear in the shadows and even more to fear from
00:26:37Vampires
00:26:40Oh
00:26:41There were legends many years ago, but
00:26:45Fairy-tales to frighten children tell me constable. Where do legends end and facts begin?
00:26:50What is the shadowy boundary between science and superstition and how can you tell the groom at a Polish wedding?
00:26:56I'm afraid you have me at a loss. Uh-huh. I thought as much
00:27:02You are Marissa Allah. Yes. I'm dr. Victor van Helsing. It was I who sent you that telegram my car
00:27:08For a good time call
00:27:10Victor van Helsing
00:27:12Vampire, I don't understand. I've been awaiting your arrival. You may show my coach. Oh, wait. Wait, wait
00:27:21Leave my son
00:27:23I once had a boy just like you here. Take this you could protect you from evil
00:27:30Thanks
00:27:31Wait a minute, buddy. That'll be a buck 75. Oh, man
00:27:37I
00:27:42You know my father
00:27:46Marinus and I were colleagues many years ago then
00:27:49Something happened and I never saw him again a few days ago
00:27:51I learned that he had died and I'd been named executor of the state and that's when he contacted me
00:27:55Correct, you and your uncle are the only two known living heirs. I believe Lord Byron and his family are already at the castle come
00:28:07The old lady in the gift shop if you must know there this might come in handy
00:28:16Drive up
00:28:37I
00:28:46Don't care what anyone says this hurts
00:28:49I
00:29:05You really a vampire hunter is that card some kind of job young lady I never joke about vampires
00:29:12I
00:29:15Know a we talking about furry flying bats. We are speaking of the undead undead. What do you mean not alive?
00:29:21They are neither dead nor alive
00:29:24I am referring to the evil spirits who inhabit the bodies of the deceased
00:29:28They rise from their coffins to feed upon the blood of the living. That's my agent
00:29:32All right, I've made the eradication of these creatures my life's work
00:29:35So there's a lot of money in this stuff and was always encouraged to uphold the family tradition even as a child
00:29:43No, even the projectionist is falling asleep or van Helsing's having a flashback
00:29:52Merry Christmas young victim
00:30:05Of course vampire hunting has its moments of tension even for a small boy
00:30:12Mr. Van Helsing. Yes, mrs. Caldwell. Are you responsible for that?
00:30:23Yes, mrs. Caldwell bring it here
00:30:33Now I want you to write on the blackboard
00:30:36I will not stake vampires in glass and I want you to do it 50 times
00:30:42Another flashback, don't worry. I think it's the last one
00:30:46Gosh, Betty Lou. I really like you and I really like you Victor. You're not like the other girls
00:30:53I was wondering when you get around to noticing that somehow you're more mature than the others. Well, I am 19
00:31:0119 but that's not old
00:31:051900
00:31:06That's old
00:31:09Perhaps we ought to start back home. It is getting rather late later than you think Victor
00:31:15Please no hickeys. Don't worry Victor. I'll still respect you in the morning. I
00:31:21Think we both need a drink first
00:31:24Perhaps you're right may help to warm our blood
00:31:28ladies first
00:31:38Oh
00:31:44Holy water don't leave home without it
00:31:49From that time onward I've dedicated my life to scourging the earth of this evil
00:31:56Sure you they exist like there's been a recent epidemic of vampirism in this vicinity. I destroyed one such creature before you arrived this evening
00:32:04Maybe you could mail me that book
00:32:07Now you two have nothing to fear while under my protection. I may be kindly dr. Van Helsing to you, but to the undead
00:32:13I am the son of Sam
00:32:17Brighton me
00:32:19You really expect me to swallow that day
00:32:22Hey, come on, miss Morris, we're riding here in a beautiful colorful countryside being pulled by a horse-drawn carriage
00:32:29Moonlight, what could be more romantic by noon on the Mojave Desert?
00:32:34Listen hills are alive
00:32:40Gonna sing folks. I'm at that snack bar
00:32:43Next you're not gonna sing. Uh-huh, but why throw a light-hearted song in at a time like this? Listen, let me tell you all about it
00:32:54Write some cutesy lyrics and just paste them together
00:32:58Oh, wow, think of the royalties
00:33:13And you can bet
00:33:19Hey
00:33:23And this little song of mine will climb up the charts now
00:33:28Think of the royalties
00:33:34Who cares if it's good
00:33:59Oh
00:34:12Do you get very many girls that way no, but it kills three minutes castle or lock just ahead
00:34:28I
00:34:55Alright girls it's party time
00:34:58Oh
00:35:29Well, you're getting no tip from me
00:35:32What's he feeding those horses? What frightened him? So it's as if a blight had settled over this land
00:35:38Notice the singular lack of vegetation the scarcity of animal life the absence of major league sporting events
00:35:47Sure, it's the best thing could afford on the budget
00:35:58Oh
00:36:07Maybe it's bingo night. Perhaps they can't hear us. Don't be ridiculous. We're making enough noise to raise
00:36:14The dead
00:36:16You must leave this place at once look I assure you we are not Jehovah's Witnesses
00:36:21Oh Byron left strict instructions that he was to receive no visitors nonsense. I'm dr. Victor van Helsing and I'm expected
00:36:28I'm Marissa Orlock and I'm also expected and you I'm Dexter Ward. I'm I'm along for the comedy relief
00:36:36And what is your name my good man Stefan sir, well Stefan sir, I insist you show us inside
00:36:43That's what it looks like. I meant escort us in very well
00:36:48Let it be on your heads
00:36:51What the honor?
00:36:58Oh
00:37:09Suppose our interior decorator is among the living I will announce you to Lord Byron
00:37:22As a matter of fact, I I didn't even know I had one until I received a telegram
00:37:27I never met him either, but I understand he was the black sheep of the family
00:37:31He was supposedly exposed from kindergarten for extreme brutality. I think I went to school with him according to Marinus
00:37:37He banished Byron from the castle some time ago
00:37:40Apparently they had a violent disagreement over one particular book a book. You don't have to recall the title day
00:37:46My memory is not quite what it used to be
00:37:48But it was either the book of Ulthar or the latest Jackie Collins novel. Does anybody know what happened to it?
00:37:54I would imagine both volumes are somewhere still here in the castle. Did you hear that Marissa Marissa?
00:38:20But I doubt she had trouble finding a date on a Saturday night
00:38:25I
00:38:40Don't you know better than to put your hand on someone's shoulder in a spooky place like this, I'm sorry
00:38:45I just want to show you something. There are any number of ways of attracting one's attention
00:38:49Damn, I hate cheap shocks like that. Come on. You gotta check this out
00:38:52Marissa just discovered something that I
00:39:01Got a dream of combinations like that
00:39:05Marissa
00:39:06Come forward dear cousin. We want to give you a kiss
00:39:11Yes, dear cousin. Come closer. I want to give you a big wet gooey one
00:39:23Oh
00:39:33My lord, I could have been killed
00:39:35But chandeliers probably been hanging there over a hundred years at the moment one of the steps underneath
00:39:41It falls. Oh, they remember staring at the portrait and then
00:39:44I
00:39:53See the chandelier that's fallen again. It always does that when we have guests
00:40:05The Lord or lock I am by Renault luck
00:40:09And you are welcome
00:40:11Yes, we've
00:40:13Met your welcoming committee
00:40:15Legally, the point of ownership has yet to be established. I am dr. Victor van Helsing executive your brother's estate
00:40:22Then you have Mellon. This is last will be tested along with specific instructions concerning his funeral arrangements and honors
00:40:31And you are Marissa
00:40:33Family resemblance is truly astonishing
00:40:37My condolences to you at this time
00:40:40Thank you
00:40:42But I don't seem to recognize this young man. This is Dexter Ward. Uncle Byron. He's a friend of anyone in particular
00:40:50or just generally well like
00:40:55Lord or luck. We were just remarking on the amazing similarity between Marissa and the lady in that portrait
00:41:03The first Marissa or luck
00:41:06You are her namesake my dear. I was hoping to find out more about my father. Uncle Byron. Well, it's not very much to tell
00:41:13There was always a great deal of animosity between us
00:41:17Even as a child
00:41:19Mellon is disapproved of my torturing small animals
00:41:25Come now you've had a long and tiring journey no doubt permit me to show you to your
00:41:33Rooms
00:41:35Did you and my father ever straighten out your differences even towards the end we didn't get along particularly well
00:41:43His last letter to me began dear shithead
00:41:50Born into a most remarkable family my dear
00:41:54These are but a few of our illustrious ancestors
00:41:58This is Roderick or luck
00:42:01Thief drug addict professional assassin and part-time used car sales
00:42:13And this is Renault or luck
00:42:16blackmailer
00:42:18harlot
00:42:20Murderous and two-time president of the local PTA
00:42:25She died
00:42:27in the madhouse
00:42:31I'm
00:42:34Surely this must be the best of the lot
00:42:37Pants or luck
00:42:40sodomist incest
00:42:42pedophile and member of the Nixon administration
00:42:51I wax nostalgia
00:42:55Devon
00:42:57Yes, my lord
00:42:59Where did he come from Stefan automatically materializes whenever he's needed
00:43:05I've never figured out quite how
00:43:07trade secret my lord Stefan
00:43:11Gather their luggage and take it to their room
00:43:15Yes
00:43:18He dematerializes the same way totally perplexing
00:43:24Come with me
00:43:27You have a few hours to freshen up before the service
00:43:32Well
00:43:46And it is a commonly held misconception that the undead can transform themselves into bats pure nonsense true
00:43:52They can change into frogs flounders outbox pelicans baboons and warthogs, but never bats
00:44:02Say you help me I must leave this place. You're my only hope woman. What seems to be the matter?
00:44:07It's Lord or luck. He keeps me locked in this castle. He's taken everything away
00:44:11my freedom my
00:44:14My travelers checks and I'll bet they weren't American Express. Oh, you must help me. You're my only hope you must
00:44:22They're there
00:44:38I've told you once I've told you a thousand times
00:44:43No between meal snacks I go to your room you're grounded
00:44:52My
00:44:55Apologies doctor
00:44:56My daughter sometimes becomes overly agitated
00:44:59You see we do not get too many visitors to the castle
00:45:04Difficult to imagine why a lord or luck. Hmm. You have something on your mouth
00:45:14Too much ketchup on my french fries
00:45:22I
00:45:36Wish that
00:45:41How did I know
00:45:43I
00:45:59What is the meaning of this intrusion
00:46:02I'm looking for Marissa or luck. Does that give you the right to burst into my room unannounced? No, no, and I apologize for
00:46:10Hey, wait a minute
00:46:13You're you're Boris Karloff, aren't you? Yeah
00:46:16Sure. I just I just saw you in that movie with with Jack Nicholson the um, the terror will give me for reviving painful memories
00:46:28Nobody's seen or heard of you since
00:46:311969 20 years. I've lived here alone. You're kidding me
00:46:37I
00:46:39Drive me crazy. You think I'm mad, don't you?
00:46:43No
00:46:44Hey, I've only been here an hour in the spook house and and I'm already starting to go Looney Tunes
00:46:52Perhaps we're both bad
00:46:55maybe I
00:46:57Gotta go boys
00:47:00Try and get out
00:47:08Oh
00:47:12So that's how they made all those movies
00:47:37I
00:48:07Oh
00:48:25Well, no one ever said I was handsome
00:48:29What are you doing here merely standing here?
00:48:32Here, ominously, ma'am. Does that displease you?
00:48:35I didn't hear you come in. Don't you believe in announcing yourself?
00:48:38Very well. Here's Stephen.
00:48:43What do you want, then?
00:48:44Oh, yes. Lord Byron sent me with some good news and some bad news.
00:48:50What's the bad news?
00:48:51Master Marius is still dead.
00:48:54What's the good news?
00:48:57There is no good news, ma'am.
00:49:02What?
00:49:26Ah, come, Alyssa.
00:49:30I would like you to meet my family.
00:49:33These are my adopted daughters, Patti,
00:49:39Maxine and Laverne.
00:49:43We've met.
00:49:45Now, for a final tribute to Marius,
00:49:48Stephen will play his favorite musical recording.
00:49:53Hit it.
00:49:59Hit it.
00:50:30Hit it.
00:50:41It's an old family custom.
00:50:44Now, if the doctor and your young friend will assist Stephen and I,
00:50:48we'll take the coffin below.
00:50:51Below?
00:50:52Yes, all the Orloks are interred in the family crypt beneath the castle.
00:50:58Where else?
00:51:05I don't like this.
00:51:18What's that?
00:51:19A rubber bat.
00:51:21We keep them down here for atmosphere.
00:51:24Put it up, Eagle.
00:51:28Hey, what's that noise?
00:51:30Rubber rats, no doubt.
00:51:32No, it's coming from inside the coffin.
00:51:35Muscular contractions.
00:51:37Not uncountable after death.
00:51:39Muscular contractions?
00:51:41This guy's doing the team founder workout in here.
00:51:44Allow me to assure you, Marius Orlok is dead.
00:51:49Oh, you've assured me and I want you to try convincing him.
00:51:52As I was saying, Marius has taken his place with the rest of our family.
00:51:57Now I wait my turn to share their endless nights of eternal darkness.
00:52:06Gee, it's a little like looking forward to Christmas, isn't it?
00:52:12Now, in accordance with your father's last wish, we shall view the will.
00:52:16View?
00:52:17Apparently, Marinus videotaped his last will and testament.
00:52:20I suppose you might call it the late show.
00:52:27You know, call me frivolous, but do you ever wonder what a nice Peruvian tile would look like in here?
00:52:40Maybe not.
00:52:42Hello.
00:52:52I, Marinus Orlok, being of sound mind and in full possession of my mental faculties,
00:52:59herewith declare my last will and testament.
00:53:03But let this not be a somber occasion.
00:53:07Come on, kiddies, let's have some fun.
00:53:12Today, two heirs will compete for a fortune in cash and prizes on the Newly Dead Games.
00:53:20And now, here is your host for the Newly Dead Games, the late but irrepressible Marinus Orlok.
00:53:27Hey, Marinus, come on down.
00:53:36Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:53:41Thank you, friends and heirs.
00:53:43But first, let us meet our two contestants.
00:53:47That's right, Marinus.
00:53:48She's a singer, musician, and composer living in Los Angeles, California.
00:53:52Let's hear it for Marisa Orlok.
00:53:56Contestant number two currently resides in Transylvania.
00:54:00His hobbies include stamp collecting, leather craft, and necrophilia.
00:54:04Ladies and gentlemen, Byron Orlok.
00:54:10Now, I know that Marisa and Byron are both in our viewing audience tonight.
00:54:16So let's take a look at their wonderful prizes.
00:54:19It's a castle.
00:54:21Yes, it's Castle Orlok, one of the most dreaded places on earth.
00:54:25This stately manor comes complete with antique furnishings and an ancient family curse.
00:54:29But wait, that's not all.
00:54:31You'll also receive this Swiss bank account.
00:54:35Total retail value of this wonderful prize, $7.5 million.
00:54:40And now, it's time for you, right here in our studio audience,
00:54:45to pick the winner with your applause.
00:54:48Ladies and gentlemen, who will receive this fabulous estate?
00:54:53Is it to be contestant number one, Marisa?
00:54:58Or will it be contestant number two?
00:55:05And the winner is Marisa Orlok.
00:55:10But no one walks away a loser.
00:55:13Johnny, tell Byron about his consolation prize.
00:55:18It's a matching set of Transylvanian tourister luggage.
00:55:21Yes, Byron, you'll probably have to leave the castle now.
00:55:24So here are the bags to send you on your way.
00:55:27And everyone will receive a copy of our home game for playing with family and friends.
00:55:33That's the newly dead game from Parker Bradley, Inc.
00:55:38And now, on to our bonus round.
00:55:41Hidden somewhere in the castle, some lucky viewer may find the Book of Ulthar.
00:55:48Is that a book?
00:55:50Is that a book?
00:55:51Now, let's take a look at our bonus prize clue.
00:55:57If anyone in our viewing audience can solve the mystery clue,
00:56:01the Book of Ulthar could be yours.
00:56:06And that's all our time tonight on the newly dead game.
00:56:12For now, this is your host, Marisa Orlok, saying,
00:56:16Goodnight and goodbye, Penny!
00:56:30Oh, Uncle Byron, I can tell you're upset.
00:56:33Congratulations, my dear.
00:56:36I know you'll be quite happy at Castle Orlok.
00:56:40As long as you live.
00:56:47I will have that book.
00:57:00He didn't take that very well, did he?
00:57:02Oh, hell, I don't even want this place. Uncle Byron can have it.
00:57:05I think he was a little more concerned about the Book of Ulthar.
00:57:08Then I'd say it's imperative you get your hands on that book before he does.
00:57:12Oh, right. I only have three little problems, pal.
00:57:15One, I don't know where it is. Two, I don't know where to look.
00:57:18And three, I have no idea what that clue meant.
00:57:21Then perhaps we should ask someone who does.
00:57:25Marinus Orlok himself.
00:57:43Spirit World is troubled tonight. This seance could be dangerous.
00:57:47Do you think we'll be able to reach my father?
00:57:50Perhaps. Can't you feel it? Death is nearby.
00:57:54Do we have to do this now?
00:57:57I think the night reads are lower.
00:57:59Everyone, join hands.
00:58:02With each other.
00:58:06Now, everyone, concentrate.
00:58:10Oh, Spirit World, we reach out for you.
00:58:14Do you wish to receive us?
00:58:16If so, give us some sort of sign.
00:58:22I think that's a no.
00:58:25Maybe. But we must press on.
00:58:28Oh, Spirit World, we seek audience with Marinus Orlok.
00:58:33Send us a guide that we may find him.
00:58:37What's he doing?
00:58:39He's channeling.
00:58:42Wait a minute. Wrong channel.
00:58:45This is ridiculous. This is absolutely absurd.
00:58:53Doctor, who have we reached?
00:58:55Well, it ain't Howard Hughes, ma'am.
00:58:57Are you our guide to the Spirit World?
00:59:00That's right, sir. Just a couple of things I want to get out right up front.
00:59:03Speak, Spirit.
00:59:05Well, first of all, I just found out all my money's still good up here.
00:59:08So have RCA send all my back royalties to me.
00:59:10And second, tell them gumsuckers at the Enquirer that I really am dead.
00:59:14I go through circulation.
00:59:16Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
00:59:19I feel the Spirit. It's a little stronger than the rest.
00:59:22I'm fading away. I'm fading away.
00:59:25I can feel myself fading away.
00:59:27And don't forget to keep buying my albums.
00:59:30And now, the end.
00:59:36Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the body.
00:59:57Marissa?
00:59:59Marissa, are you okay?
01:00:01Keep away!
01:00:03Marissa, what's wrong?
01:00:05Your mother so sucks at health.
01:00:07My mother does what?
01:00:09She's obviously possessed.
01:00:11You're right, Doc.
01:00:13I haven't seen anything like this since they canceled Star Search.
01:00:16Uh...
01:00:32Well, that does it for this jacket.
01:00:39Cream the mint.
01:00:41Dexterminate, are you all right?
01:00:44Never felt better.
01:00:47Marissa?
01:00:49Marissa, are you okay?
01:00:51I am the Lady Marissa.
01:00:54Her ancestor?
01:00:56What do you want with Marissa?
01:00:58Byron Orlock must not gain possession of that book.
01:01:01I alone have the power to challenge him.
01:01:04This body shall serve as my dwelling.
01:01:07Uh, I think it's already occupied.
01:01:10No!
01:01:12You know not what horrors you face.
01:01:15The evil one waits beyond.
01:01:17Beyond where?
01:01:19The evil one waits...
01:01:23...beyond.
01:01:25Quickly! We must perform an emergency exorcism!
01:01:27What?
01:01:28Fortunately, I took that to my first-aid class.
01:01:30Can I waste the time on mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
01:01:32Hold her tightly, lad.
01:01:34Evil spirit, I cast you out!
01:01:36Begone. Depart. Withdraw.
01:01:38Get lost! Get the lid on! Hit the road, Jack!
01:01:40I'm scray!
01:01:42Marissa?
01:01:44What happened?
01:01:45Oh, not much. We just met another family member, that's all.
01:01:48I don't understand.
01:01:49Come, Dex. She needs rest.
01:01:51You can all use a little sleep.
01:01:53Sleep? In this place?
01:01:55It's all the same to you, Jack.
01:01:57I think I'll stay here and watch the rest of Carson.
01:02:00It's getting a little weird, a little strange.
01:02:08What's going on up at that cursed castle?
01:02:11Tell me that!
01:02:12No one knows. No one wants to know.
01:02:15I want to know!
01:02:17Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
01:02:19Byron Orlok is in that castle,
01:02:22and he's brought death and destruction with him.
01:02:25Now, Orlok can stay,
01:02:27but death and destruction have got to go!
01:02:30Yeah!
01:02:32God knows what unholy rites he's performing there.
01:02:35We sit here like sheep!
01:02:38All this evil must end!
01:02:40Yeah!
01:02:41What do we do about it?
01:02:42Let him go on with his black magic,
01:02:45or send him back to the hell he came from!
01:02:48Yeah!
01:02:49Can you put that to a vote?
01:02:51Oh, why bother?
01:02:52They're all in this together, those Americans and that Van Helsing fellow.
01:02:55I say we go up there,
01:02:57destroy Byron Orlok,
01:02:58burn down the castle,
01:03:00and kill everyone inside!
01:03:02Yeah!
01:03:04Wait a minute!
01:03:05I'd rather go up there, destroy Byron Orlok,
01:03:07but leave the castle intact!
01:03:08No, no, no, let's burn the castle,
01:03:10kill everyone inside,
01:03:12but let Byron Orlok be!
01:03:14All right, all right, all right.
01:03:15Who's for destroying Byron Orlok?
01:03:17Yeah!
01:03:19Right, you are group one, go in the back there.
01:03:21Now, who would like to burn down the castle?
01:03:23Yeah!
01:03:25Right, you are group two, over here.
01:03:27And finally, who would just like to kill everyone inside?
01:03:31Yeah!
01:03:32Yes, yes, you four stay right there.
01:03:35What about you, Hans?
01:03:37I'm still considering all the options.
01:03:39Oh, come with us, Hans.
01:03:41Think of the fun we'll have burning down the castle.
01:03:44No!
01:03:46Come with us.
01:03:47We're going to have more fun killing everyone inside!
01:03:50I just don't know!
01:03:52Never mind!
01:03:53You'll make up your mind when you get there.
01:03:56All right!
01:03:58Take torches, weapons,
01:04:00anything you can carry!
01:04:02Come on, guys!
01:04:04Let's get a real lynch mob mentality going here!
01:04:08Are you ready?
01:04:11Yeah!
01:04:25Hey, fellas, wait up!
01:04:31They're hot in their rooms.
01:04:33Or in their coffins.
01:04:35Listen, Marissa, I have to find that book.
01:04:38Even if it means searching this entire castle from top to bottom.
01:04:41So, you stay here.
01:04:43Oh, no, you're not leaving me behind.
01:04:45I'm here with three homicidal cousins, one lumbering butler,
01:04:48and an uncle who turns off the television with a bazooka launcher.
01:04:51Yeah, wait till you meet my relatives.
01:04:53You ever consider the fact they're really trying to scare you?
01:04:55Yes, and they're doing a fine job.
01:04:57Yes, and they're doing a fine job.
01:04:59From now on, we stick together.
01:05:01And after this is over, we stay together then?
01:05:04Is that even possible?
01:05:06I think the more's the proposition.
01:05:08You want to hear something funny?
01:05:10I could really go for a guy like you.
01:05:12You want to hear something funnier?
01:05:14I could really go for you.
01:05:16You're right, that is funnier.
01:05:18Come on.
01:05:28Come on.
01:05:47Trick or treat.
01:05:49Creature of evil, be gone!
01:05:51What are you, some kind of religious nut?
01:05:54Stand back, lest I cast your soul into eternal perdition.
01:05:58You're taking this whole thing far too seriously.
01:06:01Crucifix, it doesn't repel you?
01:06:04Not particularly.
01:06:06Besides, this whole thing is only a dream sequence.
01:06:10Dream sequence?
01:06:12Take my word for it, it's only a dream.
01:06:15You shouldn't have had those anchovies at dinner.
01:06:17Well, then I guess I'm in no immediate peril.
01:06:20Not exactly.
01:06:22Whatever happens in a dream could also be happening in real life.
01:06:26I see.
01:06:28Well, in that case...
01:06:30You're right, you're up to your neck in trouble.
01:06:53Ow.
01:07:03Hmm.
01:07:05One could acquire a taste for this stuff.
01:07:14Is it just me, or are things getting weird?
01:07:17I don't know.
01:07:19Is it just me, or are things getting weird?
01:07:22No, it's just you.
01:07:24Here, you hang on to these. I'll trip over the furniture for a while.
01:07:28Hey, what's behind this door?
01:07:30I think I'd rather have what's behind the curtain.
01:07:34Oh, my goodness!
01:07:36It looks just like...
01:07:38Yeah, 3-D!
01:07:40Wow, this is wild!
01:07:42Look, Dex.
01:07:44Put on your 3-D glasses now.
01:07:47Did you bring them?
01:07:49I don't have them.
01:07:51Damn! Too bad. This could have been a great sequence.
01:07:54What kind of nutty family did I get myself born into?
01:07:57Oh, relax, will you?
01:08:00Uh-oh.
01:08:09I'll flip you to see who faints first.
01:08:13You've played a good game, boy.
01:08:17Now your time has come.
01:08:20Marissa, duck!
01:08:30A swing and a miss on Dexter Ward.
01:08:32I'll tell you, it's a great night for a baseball game.
01:08:35I'm Stu Nahan, and we're here at the Castle Orlock.
01:08:38Now, Dexter's having a great year.
01:08:40He's hitting .498.
01:08:42I'll tell you, that's a big batting average.
01:08:44Four home runs, something like 49 RBIs,
01:08:47and 16 stolen bases.
01:08:49All right, here's the wind-up.
01:08:52And the pitch.
01:08:54There's a deep drive going out to right field.
01:08:56Lebesky going back.
01:08:58He's hit the track. He's hit the wall.
01:09:00My gosh, it's out of here!
01:09:10Oh!
01:09:16Forward, men!
01:09:18We must not falter in our purpose!
01:09:32What is it?
01:09:34There's some sort of supernatural sphere
01:09:36with the damnedest Christmas ornament I've ever seen.
01:09:38Oh, no! Up is down!
01:09:40I'm down! He's half!
01:09:42Well, let's get up! Up! Hand full!
01:09:44Sure, but I can still help.
01:09:46Let's get the wheel up on his feet!
01:09:48Help me with his hands!
01:09:50Whose hands?
01:09:52His hands!
01:09:54There, no! There, no!
01:09:56Are you all right?
01:09:58Who am I? What film is this?
01:10:00Off! He's coming through!
01:10:02Oh, yes! I remember you! Hans Hoff!
01:10:04If you say so.
01:10:08All right, all right. That's you enough already.
01:10:10You gotta be. It's keeping me going.
01:10:12It's raw nervous energy.
01:10:14Hang on a second.
01:10:16We've looked upstairs. We've looked downstairs.
01:10:18We've looked everywhere except...
01:10:20Wait a minute.
01:10:22That's it. That's gotta be it.
01:10:24Come on.
01:10:26What's it? What's gotta be it?
01:10:28Oh, look, look! She's been pointing the way the whole time.
01:10:30I don't see anything.
01:10:32Yeah, sure. Look!
01:10:34Doorway to the crypt.
01:10:36Come on.
01:10:52We sure haven't been lost before.
01:10:54It's gotta be here.
01:10:56Marissa?
01:10:58Marissa?
01:11:00Oh, my God.
01:11:30Oh, my God.
01:11:40I did take it with him.
01:11:42But...
01:11:44Where'd he go?
01:11:54Daddy will be so proud.
01:12:00Daddy will be so proud.
01:12:14Good laugh would be worth a lot of money right now.
01:12:16Ah, young man.
01:12:18From the first moment I did not recognize you,
01:12:20I knew you would lead us to this book.
01:12:22How can I ever repay you?
01:12:24U.S. currency, large.
01:12:26I mark bills. Thank you.
01:12:28No, I'm afraid you'll never have the opportunity
01:12:30to spend it.
01:12:32That's reassuring.
01:12:34Why is that book so important to you anyway?
01:12:38I've been seeking this volume
01:12:40for nearly 50 years.
01:12:42But now, finally,
01:12:46it's mine.
01:12:48And what do you intend to do with it?
01:12:50Hmm?
01:12:52Contained within this volume
01:12:54are the mystic incantations
01:12:56which can summon forth
01:12:58the evil one.
01:13:00Once again, the forces of darkness
01:13:02shall reign, complete
01:13:04and utter
01:13:06chaos.
01:13:08Why
01:13:10would you want to do that?
01:13:12Because I'm evil.
01:13:14Haven't you figured that out yet?
01:13:22Van Helsing!
01:13:24We've got to stop him!
01:13:26There are several distinct
01:13:28advantages to being a vampire, dear boy.
01:13:34Oh, ancient evil one,
01:13:36hear these mystic
01:13:38incantations
01:13:40and come forth!
01:13:44Hocus-pocus,
01:13:46shooby-dooby,
01:13:48doo-doo, rum-rum,
01:13:50pa-boom, ow-ow,
01:13:52what am I?
01:13:54Doo-wah-diddy-diddy,
01:13:56la-ga-da-be-da,
01:13:58cha-boom!
01:14:06I don't mind dying,
01:14:08but I hate the preliminaries.
01:14:10Fire in our lock!
01:14:12Ah!
01:14:20Ah, Lady Marisa, you've come back.
01:14:22And in time
01:14:24for my greatest triumph.
01:14:26I came back to stop you,
01:14:28Byron. You started
01:14:30as a wicked child,
01:14:32grew to a malevolent young man,
01:14:34and now you're a vicious,
01:14:36vile adult.
01:14:38Well, you can't blame a guy
01:14:40for trying. I should have never
01:14:42sent you to that progressive school.
01:14:44But now it's finally
01:14:46time to take things in hand.
01:14:48And I have a few scores to settle
01:14:50with you, dear.
01:14:52Ben Helsing, what are you doing? You're supposed to be
01:14:54one of them. Just because you're
01:14:56a vampire, that doesn't make you a bad
01:14:58person. I have absolute power
01:15:00over the evil one.
01:15:02At last, all mankind
01:15:04shall grovel at my
01:15:06feet, and even you, Lady Marisa,
01:15:08will bow
01:15:10and beg my mercy.
01:15:12You know, Byron,
01:15:14you're really starting to
01:15:16piss me off.
01:15:18Oh.
01:15:20Well, adieu, then.
01:15:22Even...
01:15:24to the death.
01:15:34Hey, Orlock!
01:15:38Hey.
01:15:42Oh, boy.
01:15:48Don't you know
01:15:50the devil always
01:15:52wins?
01:15:54Hmm.
01:15:56Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:15:58Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:00Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:02Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:04Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:06Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:08Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:10Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:12Huh? Huh?
01:16:14Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:16:16Ha! You fools!
01:16:18You fools! I'll be back
01:16:20in part two!
01:16:32Dexter.
01:16:34What's going on here Marissa? I was hoping you could tell me
01:16:44Yeah, it's even worse than my son
01:17:04Come forth to conquer the world
01:17:10Bad Helsing, what are we gonna do? Don't ask me dear fellow vampires. I know but this lovecraft stuff is out of my league
01:17:27Marissa
01:17:29Oh Marissa, she's being possessed again. Yes, she's being repossessed
01:17:37Sorry folks to save yourself. You must destroy the book
01:17:43You're kidding
01:17:45For this body will never put out for you
01:17:49You got it lady
01:17:59I
01:18:01I
01:18:25Think so
01:18:28For a moment, we thought you weren't gonna make
01:18:30You better get him back to the castle. I'll take care of things here. Wait a minute doc. You're a vampire now
01:18:36What are you gonna do? Oh, they're not a bad sword. Really mostly misunderstood
01:18:42Besides I always wanted to see how the other half lived if that's the right word. Well you two run along
01:18:47Maybe we could turn this place into a trailer park
01:18:55Hey, thank you think this is a good look for me. Oh, do you ever stop? Oh, come on miss Marissa tomorrow's gonna be great
01:19:01Hey things will look a lot differently in the morning. It's never morning around here's this one and listen I
01:19:08Don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about
01:19:11I don't know what you're talking about
01:19:13It's never morning around here's this one and listen I
01:19:21Believe this is the same everywhere. You miss one lousy payment. They shut the power off. Oh
01:19:28Dear
01:19:30I
01:19:42Suffer from catalytic spells which give the appearance of death
01:19:46I need to leave home without any word a family legacy
01:19:51It is the responsibility of the eldest child to guard the dimensional gateway on our land
01:19:58Hey, come on now all's well that ends well, huh? I mean the books gone and so's old ball-bearing head over there
01:20:04Yeah, good riddance to bad rubbish
01:20:07Daddy a lot of strange things happen around here
01:20:10You get used to it. It is your responsibility
01:20:13now as the eldest child you are obliged to stay here and
01:20:19Prevent access of the evil one as for me
01:20:24I'm gonna go trout fishing in Canada
01:20:27Daddy I have a career. I've got a record album and a video do out by the end of the year. Hey, I
01:20:35Got an idea
01:20:37Why don't we put on a show right here?
01:20:39sweetie
01:20:41What's this guy?
01:20:43Right up on the no, I don't wanna know
01:20:57So many
01:20:59You
01:21:22Tell me is it true none of us cast reflections and mirrors
01:21:26Yes, it makes it a real bitch putting on makeup every night
01:21:39What's that for Helen is the movie to end with a bang I think it's going to
01:21:55You
01:22:25I
01:22:56Told you we should have asked for instructions at that last Arco station never mind
01:23:01Where are we somewhere between Omaha and Mint's and where is the castle or lock according to this map?
01:23:07We should be in the living room right now
01:23:09Something is wrong here
01:23:11No wonder this is a map of the Dominican Republic
01:23:18Man I say we give up forget everything and go home
01:23:25Wait a minute. I say we give up forget everything but not go home. Oh, oh, we should forget that easy go home
01:23:33But never give up. I'll make it compromise. You'll give up go home, but remember everything
01:23:55You
01:24:25You
01:24:55You
01:25:25You
01:25:55You
01:26:25You