Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh my goodness, hi guys, give it up one more time for the band, huh?
00:05Amazing.
00:07Hi everyone, y'all ready for a little more feminine energy, huh?
00:12I'm gonna eat your dick.
00:14Okay.
00:15Ha! No, I'm kidding, no, no.
00:17I'll nibble it like a lady, alright?
00:20I'm joking, I'll tear it from your body.
00:22Okay, hi, I know, you look a little, ha!
00:25She might, I know.
00:27I'll do it.
00:28Okay, hi, how's it going?
00:30Oh my god, happy pride, huh?
00:33It's exciting.
00:34Yes, yes, I'm not gay, I just wear the uniform.
00:37Hi.
00:39Yeah, yeah, I know, I look like I could build you a porch, I understand.
00:43I know, I've also built two porches, so that's fun.
00:47I know, I'm very practical, that's this body type.
00:50Oh, practical.
00:51I'm not fat, I'm not thin, I'm practical.
00:54That's, you are not, you are very small.
00:57Fuck you, alright.
00:59You are the size of my right thigh, I hope you die in a fire.
01:02Alright, no, you're great, good for you.
01:04You're so small, everything I wish I could be.
01:07You look great, but you are very impractical.
01:09That is your, yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do on moving day, huh?
01:16No, yeah, you're like, oh, I got the lampshade, oh!
01:19Yeah, meanwhile, I got a fridge strapped to my back.
01:23You get dick, I earn dick, okay?
01:27Anyway.
01:28It's different, hi, another small one, oh my goodness.
01:32No, I'm good, I do have a boyfriend.
01:34I know, curveball.
01:36I do, I have a boyfriend, he is younger than me.
01:40Thank you, yeah, I'm getting that young dick, thank you.
01:44Oh, I love a young guy, give me a 21 year old.
01:47They still think my drinking habit's fun, you know?
01:51Yeah, cause it's a nightmare, it is.
01:53Yeah, I black out when I drink, anybody else, huh?
01:56Yeah, who else is running from something?
01:59Okay, I'm with you, that's right, apparently this side of the room
02:03thinks they're better than us.
02:05I'm with you, I black out.
02:07One time, hand to God, I blacked out, woke up naked,
02:10alone, on top of the covers, which is a hell of a way
02:13to start a Tuesday, all right?
02:15I rolled over and I found a note.
02:18Yeah, it said, we did not have sex, you passed out,
02:22see you at work.
02:26Oh yeah, have you ever gone to work and played the fun game
02:29Who Saw These Titties, huh?
02:31There are no winners in that game, miss, no winners.
02:34Very easy to figure out who it was, though.
02:37The next day, he was telling all his friends
02:39what a nice guy he was.
02:41I know, right, he was like, I didn't do anything
02:44cause I'm just like a nice guy.
02:46Like, holy shit, you're not a nice guy,
02:49you're just not a criminal.
02:52Yeah, you don't get a trophy for not committing a felony.
02:55What the fuck is wrong with you, you know?
02:57I love that, the women always smile and laugh
02:59during that joke, and the men are always like,
03:01is this a fucking TED talk, what the hell?
03:05I came here to laugh.
03:09You didn't laugh, motherfucker.
03:15This isn't Netflix, I can see you.
03:22No, you're great, you look nice.
03:24You have a kind face, that's good.
03:26You're welcome.
03:28You drinking tonight, having a little sip, huh?
03:31Yeah, I drink, I drink a lot.
03:33Do you guys drink together?
03:35Yeah, that's good, that's healthy.
03:37I can't do that with my boyfriend.
03:39I thought it was gonna be a party,
03:41cause he's a young guy, it's not.
03:43He's not a big drinker, and I could tell right away
03:46because I saw him take NyQuil from the cap.
03:49So...
03:54I was like, we are different people, okay?
03:57I use a straw.
04:01He's sweet though, he's sweet.
04:03He didn't put me in the friend zone, which thank God, okay?
04:06I get put in that friend zone all the time, it happens.
04:08You know, one time I got put in the friend zone,
04:10I was devastated, but then we actually became friends,
04:13and that was the best thing that could've happened.
04:15Yeah, ladies, if you wanna get over a guy,
04:17just get to know him.
04:21Yeah, he was an idiot, yeah, yeah.
04:23I was like, no, your favorite color cannot be the Patriots.
04:26What the fuck are you talking about?
04:28It was so dumb.
04:31It's dumb, good for him though.
04:33My boyfriend's great though, he's pretty, okay?
04:35I like a pretty boy.
04:37Look at you, very pretty, look at you.
04:39Yeah, you know, alright.
04:41Pretty boys are the best because they got those high cheekbones,
04:43easier to sit on, okay?
04:48He looks comfortable, yeah.
04:51Are we doing ladies, are we sitting on faces?
04:53Are we doing it, huh?
04:55You gotta do it, gals, fight the patriarchy,
04:57sit on a man's face, alright?
04:59Yes, did you know when you sit on a man's face,
05:01they have to shut up?
05:03Mwah!
05:05Oh my God, it's wonderful.
05:07What was that about the wage gap? Boop, have a seat.
05:09Yes, do it for Ruth, God bless her, huh?
05:13Yes, Ruth sat so we could also sit, okay?
05:18Sit on his face, do it for America, alright?
05:23Oh, my boyfriend is so pretty,
05:26he's also so small, I like a tiny guy,
05:28a little pint-sized cutie, you two are just too much tree to climb,
05:30I couldn't do it, alright?
05:32No, thank you, I like a short guy,
05:34that's what I, I think you ladies are crazy right now,
05:36on the dating app saying you want someone who's six feet and above,
05:39what?
05:41No, get yourself a short guy, get yourself a fight you can win.
05:45Yeah, we've all seen a Lifetime movie,
05:47the call's coming from inside the house, alright?
05:50My boyfriend is five-six,
05:52if he wants to kill me, he has to use poison.
05:56He is not a planner, I'm gonna live!
06:00He is so small, alright?
06:02He's an extra small narrow, that is tiny,
06:04he's got the kind of body you just want to breastfeed, you know?
06:07And boy, does he latch on like a champ, huh?
06:11Yeah, he's my little suckle prince, I love him!
06:14He is short, he is very short,
06:16but don't worry, gals, I know you're a little worried,
06:18don't worry, he's only short when he's standing on his feet.
06:22That little slut got it, do you get it over here?
06:25He's got a huge penis, okay?
06:27He's got a massive dick, I deserve it,
06:29I work hard, alright?
06:31He's got a huge penis, okay?
06:33He's got a massive dick, I deserve it,
06:35I work hard, alright?
06:37He's got a big dick, and don't think I got tricked,
06:39I made him measure that shit, thank you very much,
06:41yes, I was like, I gotta know if this is big in general,
06:44or just looks big, because you're small.
06:48It's not an optical illusion, he's got a big dick.
06:51And whenever I tell my friends, they're always shocked,
06:53always, they're always like, Stephen?
06:56But he's so small!
06:58I wasn't shocked, not at all, he hit on me.
07:01He approached this, the Bass Pro Shop of women,
07:04are you kidding me?
07:06Of course he's got a big dick, this is big dick energy, okay?
07:10Everything about me says, I demand girth, okay?
07:15I always get big dicks, that's what comes with the territory,
07:17alright, this is terrifying, alright?
07:19That guy hasn't made eye contact the whole fucking time,
07:21I get it, I get it, it's a lot, Mr. No Socks, okay?
07:25It's too much, it's too much, I get it, okay?
07:28It's intimidating, it is!
07:30Every man who makes the first move on me
07:32is always fucking pecking, alright?
07:35It's the only reason I feel sorry for small women.
07:43Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but it's a crapshoot
07:45what kind of dick you're gonna get, you know?
07:47Is this your boyfriend?
07:49Yeah, so he's gonna be a big boy, isn't he?
07:51You're gonna be a big boy, you got a big dick, don't you?
07:53Yeah, monster dick, yeah!
07:55And that's true because she's not gonna keep around
07:57a small thumb, you know?
07:59She's gonna keep around a guy who gets the job done,
08:01so that's you, get a boy, you know?
08:03That's great, yeah, but before him
08:05he probably got a lot of fucking peanuts,
08:07you know what I mean?
08:08It's just because you're like a size nothing,
08:10you're so small, it's like
08:12you're less daunting to fill,
08:14does that make sense?
08:17These are all compliments, alright?
08:19You are beautiful, you are fantastic,
08:21you're wearing fucking gingham
08:23on your fucking dress?
08:25That's insane, alright?
08:26With a little slit, that's thin bitch shit, okay?
08:28Look at your little ankles,
08:30you have your ankles out?
08:31God damn, you look fantastic, alright?
08:33You look fantastic, I couldn't do that,
08:35my ankles just go straight down, alright?
08:37I also can't wear a skirt, I chafe, alright?
08:39It's very uncomfortable, hide your boner, I know,
08:41but it's just, it's very upsetting,
08:43it's very upsetting, your outfit is phenomenal,
08:45I could never pull off that outfit,
08:47you look great.
08:49But I'm getting pounded, okay?
08:51Every fucking time, alright?
08:53Yes, okay?
08:55Because no man is gonna try and climb Everest
08:57without the right equipment, okay?
09:00This is a pickaxe, pussy, god damn it!
09:02You are a stroll in the park, my dear.
09:07But you get to wear a sundress, that's nice, you know?
09:10I can't wear those, I can't wear those,
09:12you look great, you look great.
09:16Oh, you look young too, how old are you?
09:1926, yeah, you have your whole life.
09:22Yeah, I could smell the student loan debt on you, you know?
09:26Liberal arts, blue hair, I see it.
09:29No, you got a good one, what'd you get?
09:33Hospitality, that's still, you're making money,
09:35that's good.
09:37Not the last year, yeah, you're right, you're right,
09:39you're right.
09:41Yeah, that sucked.
09:43Well, I, this is what I did, okay?
09:45I went to art school for six years, on purpose.
09:49Yeah, you're looking at a master, motherfuckers, okay?
09:52Yeah, I spent $127,000 to be a video performance artist.
09:59Sure, yeah, that sounds like I do porn, okay?
10:03Video performance, yeah, I'm doing classy porn,
10:05no butt stuff, you know what I mean?
10:07But I do butt stuff, are you kidding me?
10:09Of course I do, I'm a woman in my 30s,
10:11put it anywhere, I just wanna feel, okay?
10:13I wasn't doing puzzles during COVID,
10:15I'll tell you that much.
10:18Pfft, pfft, pfft.
10:21COVID made me want a baby,
10:23that's what happened to me during COVID,
10:25which is a nightmare, because this doesn't want a baby,
10:27this wants a career, you know?
10:29At most, I could be a divorced dad, you know?
10:31Weekends and holidays, that's it,
10:33but this is like, I need a macaroni necklace, you know?
10:35It's a fucking, it's a very weird thing,
10:38and it takes over all of your thoughts
10:40when you want a baby, like, even my dirty talk,
10:42that's not where it belongs, but there it is,
10:44I'm just like, ooh, yeah, honey,
10:46flip me over and make me a mom.
10:49Come on, give me a boy, I wanna raise him right!
10:52You know?
10:54It's not good, it's not good.
10:56It's such a clear dip, right before the pandemic,
10:58I wanted a career, so I was like,
11:00we're not risking it.
11:02When we had sex, I was like, you finish
11:04as far away from me as possible.
11:06You know, lower back, no, trash can,
11:08where it belongs.
11:11And now I'm just like, give me all your cum,
11:13I'm gonna store it for winter, you know?
11:15I'm digging it out of the trash
11:17like some kind of jizz raccoon.
11:19Oh my God, give it to me!
11:21Come on!
11:23But we all know that saying,
11:25one man's trash could be my son!
11:27You know?
11:29It's a real nightmare.