Taskmaster NZ Season 5 Episode 6

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Taskmaster NZ S05E06

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Transcript
00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woohoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here, come here.
00:07Jiggle a little, see?
00:08Oh!
00:09Oh!
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00:58Tonight, we've invited five comedians to compete in a series of tasks.
01:02I will give each comedian an appropriate level of points based on my infallible point-awarding
01:07system, mostly based on vibes.
01:10Whoever wins the most points at the end of the season will receive this.
01:17Competing for this trophy and hoping not to look as foolish as they really are, it's
01:22Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:31Unfortunately, Tofinga Tepelea'i can't be with us in the studio, so back again to defend
01:37his honour and stand in his place is the winner of Taskmaster Season 3.
01:42Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Thompson!
01:46And by my side, as always, is my trusty sidekick.
01:50He's the Samwise to my Frodo, the Sundance Kid to my Butch Cassidy, and the donkey to
01:56my Shrek.
01:58Please give a huge round of applause to Paul Williams!
02:01Before we got started tonight, my mum asked if I would use my platform to perform a song
02:10about bullying, so I'd like to do that if that's okay.
02:14Hey everybody, haven't you heard?
02:20There's no better feeling in this world than picking on nerds.
02:25Bullying is the best, it makes you feel so alive.
02:31Just find someone's insecurities and make them cry.
02:36Hold on, hold on, hold on for a second.
02:39So is this an anti-bullying song or a pro-bullying song?
02:43Pro, I guess, yeah.
02:46You sure your mum would want you to do this?
02:48Actually, that's a good point.
02:51Yeah, I guess maybe she wanted anti-bullying.
02:58We'll edit that out.
03:00Alright, should we start with tonight's prize task?
03:03So tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that's best from far away.
03:10Whoever has brought in the best thing from far away will receive five points
03:15and whoever wins the episode will get to take home all five great from far away things.
03:21Abby, what did you bring in?
03:22I brought in a lovely, beautiful, sexy lady.
03:26Oh my god, she's so sexy from far away and lovely.
03:30But if you look at her clothes, oh my god, her tattoos are so problematic.
03:36She's got a slur on her chest, she's got pestilence and look at her legs.
03:42I looked into eugenics and it doesn't seem that bad.
03:47She's just best from far away, I think, even though she's a lovely, beautiful lady printed with sexy ink.
03:54If she was just wearing more clothes, it'd be fine.
03:57You wouldn't even notice.
03:58No, but she never does, that's the thing.
04:01And sexy ink, baby, is the best.
04:03Ben, what did you bring in?
04:05Jeremy, have you ever seen the sun from close up?
04:09The sun close up is a massive, fiery ball of gas.
04:13But far away, it's a beautiful pinprick of light in the sky.
04:17It is a star, and I've purchased you a star.
04:20Wow.
04:26Ben gets five points.
04:28Well, you know, I just thought I'd...
04:29Wait, what did you just say?
04:30Hang on, hang on.
04:32We got it on camera.
04:34Well done.
04:36Damn it.
04:37And Jeremy, when's your birthday?
04:39January 19th.
04:41That makes you a Gemini, and I made it in the Gemini, you know, thing.
04:45Constellation.
04:46Yeah.
04:47So, I'm a Capricorn.
04:51Right.
04:52Hayley, what did you bring in?
04:53I know we're having a lot of fun, Jeremy, and I don't want to have to bring down the mood.
04:57But for me, the thing that is best from far away is Paul.
05:02Sorry, Paul, that I have to do this, but you have been issued a restraining order against...
05:07...me?
05:11If I got a dollar for every time I got one of these...
05:16So, how far is...
05:18It's roughly between four and five metres.
05:20So, if you were to come forward, that's a breach.
05:24But if I'm back, you're fine.
05:26I know it's not your first one, but it's the first one from an individual, isn't it?
05:29Because normally it's a school, isn't it?
05:35It's actually not a school. It's all schools.
05:40Josh.
05:41Hello.
05:42You're representing Tofinga. What have you brought in?
05:44Yes, I'm here for my boy Tofinga, and I decided to bring in a beautiful silk pillow.
05:51If you see that in the distance, you'll think, I can't wait to put my head on there.
05:54Don't put your head on there, because if you got that close, you'd realise that I farted on it.
06:00One thing you can do is you can sit on a pillow and you squash all the fibres and fart as you rise...
06:05...and it will suck in the fart.
06:09This really works. You can keep a fart for six to eight weeks.
06:13So, this distance, we're okay?
06:15I mean, that's just a picture of it, but I think you'd be okay.
06:19But you could even enjoy it from even further away.
06:22Okay.
06:23Tom.
06:24So, I went for a walk in our neighbourhood, and we found this beautiful piece of nature.
06:29And a photo was taken, and it's a really beautiful thing that you can appreciate from far away.
06:33So, we'll just look at the first one.
06:34There we go. That's a waterfall. That's in my neighbourhood. It's pretty beautiful.
06:37Nice.
06:38But if you get up too close, it's a little bit of a case of where's Wally?
06:41So, we'll just go to the next picture.
06:45What are you doing there, Tom?
06:48Are you preparing a pillow?
06:50Oh, yes.
06:52I'm coming out of nature.
06:53I think nature's coming out of you today.
06:57Very hard to judge.
06:58One point for Ben Hurley.
07:00He got the wrong constellation.
07:02Two points for Abbey.
07:04You can always get tattoos removed.
07:05Three points for Hayley.
07:07Four points for Josh and the stinking pillow.
07:10And that leaves five points for Tom Sainsbury with the Nature Evolution.
07:15Amazing.
07:17I love the first task tonight, please, Paul.
07:20People are often trying to steal my look, and this task is no exception.
07:31Here I come.
07:33Hello, Taufinga.
07:34Hey, Paul.
07:35Hello, Tom.
07:36Wow.
07:37Wowee.
07:38Wow.
07:40Got some sterms.
07:41Sterms?
07:42Costumes.
07:44Nice.
07:45I'm excited to see what's in here.
07:47Match accessories.
07:49Accessories?
07:50With Paul.
07:52Paul will emerge every minute with a new accessory until you match him.
07:56You may only don one accessory at a time.
08:00And you may not don the same accessory twice in a row.
08:04No peeking.
08:05Fewest accessories tried on by Paul wins.
08:09Your time starts now.
08:12Do you understand it?
08:13No.
08:14Oh.
08:16Wow, you could really spot the theatre nerds in amongst our comedians, couldn't you?
08:21As Abby, Hayley and Tom's eyes lit up when they looked at the costumes.
08:24Yay.
08:25What characters will be born today?
08:28All right, shall we get straight into it?
08:30Let's start in the menswear section.
08:33It's Ben, Taufinga and Tom.
08:35OK, let's get on to it.
08:39Ready.
08:40Ready.
08:43If you squeeze those...
08:45Oh, man.
08:48Lovely.
08:49But it's not a match.
08:50Ready?
08:51Yep.
08:54You've got gumboots on.
08:56You should have told me you had gumboots on.
08:58Oh, sorry.
09:01Ready when you are, Paul.
09:05It's quite hard for me.
09:06I know, you're not breathing.
09:07Yeah, I don't feel good.
09:08Your eyes are bulging.
09:09Sorry.
09:10You don't have to apologise every time.
09:12Sorry for apologising.
09:15I think I got it, but...
09:17Oh, damn it.
09:18We've got similar colour schemes.
09:20Yeah, does that help?
09:21No.
09:22No, OK.
09:23Next.
09:24Yep, ready.
09:26Yep.
09:27Ready.
09:30Sick.
09:31It's not a match.
09:32It's a good look, though.
09:36I think I got it.
09:39Well, that's the one I just had on before.
09:41I feel like there's no method to this.
09:43Quiet.
09:46B.
09:47Take my hand.
09:48If you feel...
09:50G, G, G, G.
09:51Are you ready?
09:52Ready.
09:59It's a match.
10:00Congratulations.
10:02It's epitical.
10:06OK.
10:07Close.
10:09Not really.
10:10A good effort.
10:13H.
10:18What have you got on?
10:19The book.
10:20Oh, that's not actually on the accessories.
10:22Sorry.
10:23Why did you put the book here for then?
10:24I think I just left those there.
10:25Sorry about that.
10:28I want to make a complaint to the taskmaster, Bill.
10:31What's his name?
10:33Jared.
10:35And action.
10:37Dammit.
10:38Connection?
10:39I mean, vaguely.
10:40Vikings used to wear kilts.
10:41Did they?
10:42Yep.
10:48Isa.
10:50Yeah, Paul.
10:51What do you reckon?
10:52It's a match.
10:53Yeah, it's a match.
10:57Oh, we did it!
10:58And he took two, guys.
10:59I took more than two.
11:01Hope you get five.
11:02You suck, Paul.
11:04Love you, Paul.
11:05Thank you, Torfinga.
11:10Tom, who would have thought that knowing your ABCs
11:13were going to help you in later life?
11:15I know.
11:16Finally.
11:17What was the book for?
11:18The books, I didn't mean to leave the books there,
11:20but they were there for everyone,
11:22and the top book was the A to Z of fashion.
11:25Oh, my goodness.
11:28So, speaking of letters, Ben got up to the letter N,
11:31which was 14 attempts.
11:33Torfinga, the letter L, which was 12 attempts.
11:36And Tom, the letter G, seven attempts.
11:39Yes, Tom!
11:41Broken out in front, yeah.
11:43More Changing Room montages coming up next.
11:46But first, we've got to sell you some clothes
11:49that you probably don't need.
11:50Your clothes are fine.
11:51You look absolutely amazing.
11:53We'll be back after these messages.
12:04Hoki mai anō.
12:06Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:08The only place you can put a camera in a changing room
12:11without getting a visit from the police.
12:13Paul, jog everyone's memory, please.
12:15Our contestants are trying to match accessories with me,
12:18but little did they know I was dressing up in alphabetical order.
12:22Next up, they've got a passion for fashion,
12:25a desire for attire,
12:27and the opposite of loathing for clothing.
12:30It's Abby and Hayley.
12:32Have fun in there.
12:34I miss you when you're gone.
12:37Ah.
12:38How cool are fedoras, though?
12:40The best hat.
12:44Oh, bugger it.
12:48I used to definitely wear something like that when I was 13.
12:51I was a goth.
12:52But I actually went to Animates and got a proper dog collar.
12:55Were you watching me change?
12:56No.
12:58What's that bit for?
13:01Oh.
13:02I don't know what that bit's for.
13:06Ah, we're getting there, I feel like.
13:08What's your viking name?
13:10Craig.
13:11Oh, do you look good in that?
13:13I feel good.
13:14Yeah.
13:15Going to the masquerade.
13:17Yes.
13:18Yes.
13:19Going to...
13:20To Dogtown.
13:23It doesn't feel right.
13:25It doesn't feel right.
13:28Oh, Paul!
13:30I had them and I changed.
13:34Oh.
13:36Beautiful.
13:37And beautiful.
13:38No.
13:45Alright.
13:46Back to Dorktown?
13:47Yeah.
13:49Would you look like Michael Jackson?
13:51Doreen.
13:52Yeah, it's really good.
13:54Okay, okay.
13:56Have you got the x-ray glasses on again?
13:59Um...
14:00No.
14:04Oh!
14:06I went and I picked it up.
14:08I can't stop.
14:10I'm compelled by them every time.
14:12What happens if we're here all day?
14:14Then we're here all day.
14:15Okay.
14:16Are you going to go umbrella hat again?
14:18No, I don't think so.
14:20Oh.
14:24Get back in there.
14:25Whoa.
14:26They drew me in again.
14:28We're well off again.
14:30The watch.
14:32Ready?
14:33I actually already know it's not a match.
14:36Oh.
14:37Because you could see through the curtain.
14:38Yeah.
14:39You ready?
14:40Yeah.
14:41Yeah!
14:43Looking good, Paul.
14:45I think there was only one more possible item.
14:48That zebra hat.
14:50Are you happy?
14:51Yeah.
14:55You ready?
14:56No.
14:57You said you were.
14:58I'm ready.
15:00Oh.
15:02You've got to be kidding me, Paul.
15:06We're back to bloody square one, aren't we?
15:08I'm feeling it.
15:11You ready?
15:15Yeah.
15:17Ah!
15:19We did it.
15:20That's for the Hatties.
15:25Hayley, between the necklace, the top hat and the zebra hat,
15:28it's like you've got a sixth sense for getting it wrong.
15:30I know.
15:31Now that I watch yours, I was like,
15:32I should have just picked one object
15:33and just put it on the whole time.
15:35It was a great tactic.
15:36Sadly, the object she chose was the X.
15:39Yeah, I alternated between the X and you.
15:44Yes, she chose the X-ray glasses nine times
15:47and she went to dork town four times.
15:51Where was your autistic superpower this time, Abby?
15:55I mean, look, Tom did well there.
15:57You now know a lot about Tom.
15:59He ain't diagnosed, I'm legit.
16:02Is this the first time you've ever been teased
16:04for not having autism?
16:07Where's your autistic powers now, bitch?
16:12So how many letters did we get around to?
16:16So Abby, the letter X, so 24 attempts.
16:20Hayley, the letter C.
16:22Great, but second time through, so 29 attempts.
16:26That means one point for Hayley, two points for Abby,
16:29three points for Ben, four points for Tefinga
16:31and five points for Tom Sainsbury.
16:38What are the scores for the episode, Paul?
16:41With a perfect 10 points, out in front, it's Tom Sainsbury.
16:46All right, fast show's a good show.
16:48What's next?
16:49This task involves a list-ers.
17:01Hello, Paul.
17:02Hello, Abby.
17:06Got another one of these stupid challenges, eh?
17:08They're called tasks. Tasks.
17:10We generally don't say they're stupid.
17:12Oh, yeah.
17:13Write down the 20 public figures you know the most about.
17:17You have seven minutes. Your time starts now.
17:20Di Henwood.
17:22Season four of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:24Madeline Sami.
17:25Season one of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:27Joseph Parker.
17:29Stephen Adams.
17:30Elizabeth I.
17:32Henry VIII.
17:33How long have I got?
17:34You've got three minutes and 50 seconds.
17:36Oh, my God, I have to move quickly.
17:38Anthony Bourdain.
17:39And I will go poorly.
17:41And I will go poorly-go.
17:43Season three of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:45All right, it's been good.
17:46Wait.
17:49I knew there was a second part.
17:53Create a short biopic based on the life of your 20th public figure.
18:00You may not do any further research into your figure.
18:04You have one hour. Your time starts now.
18:09I'm going to put Beyonce down the bottom.
18:11I'm going to go with Christine Daae.
18:14From Phantom of the Opera.
18:16What's the producer's name?
18:18Current one.
18:19Current one.
18:20Chris Luxon.
18:21Christopher Luxon.
18:23And last of all, public figure I know least about.
18:27Matt Cameron.
18:29Who's Matt Cameron?
18:31He's the drummer for both Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.
18:36Oh, no.
18:39I'm drooling, miss.
18:43This is going to be quite obscure television.
18:45Is there anyone you would have rather made a biopic film about?
18:49Everyone knows but Luxon.
18:51Oh.
18:56So you get some plugs in for some previous seasons of Taskmaster, Paul?
18:59Yeah, and they were popular as well.
19:01Ben had six Taskmaster New Zealand contestants.
19:04Hayley, 11.
19:05Oh, wow.
19:06I had many kings and queens of yore.
19:10No-one on her list was born after 1970.
19:16To a finger's list, Chris Luxon was the only white person.
19:25He didn't even know who the Prime Minister was,
19:27so I don't know how he's going to make a biopic
19:29about someone who he doesn't know, Josh.
19:31To a finger?
19:32Luxon, they've kind of got a similar vibe.
19:37Look at Ebony and Ivory.
19:38You can see them doing a duet.
19:40Who are we watching first?
19:41We've all been wondering when Matt Cameron,
19:44the drummer from Soundgarden and also Pearl Jam,
19:47would be getting his biopic.
19:50Well, the wait is finally over thanks to Ben Hurley.
19:59Ben, what are you doing?
20:01Well, I'm cooking, son, because men cook too.
20:05One day you'll find something you're passionate about.
20:08Yeah.
20:10WHIRRING
20:31Man, I'm such a good drummer now.
20:34I just need a cool band with a cool name.
20:38Wow.
20:39There's so many sounds in this garden.
20:45Yeah!
20:48What is it, Chris Cornell, lead singer of my band Soundgarden?
20:52That's right, Matt.
20:53I'm Chris Cornell from our band Soundgarden,
20:55and it's time for our band to break up.
20:57I'm going to embark on a pretty average solo career.
21:00No!
21:08I'll never drum again!
21:14Eddie Vedder from the band Pearl Jam?
21:17Yeah!
21:18Would you like to be in my band called Pearl Jam?
21:23Again.
21:25Yes!
21:29Oh, that was good.
21:31There's so much to unpack there.
21:35It actually felt like a lot of TVNZ biopics, to be honest.
21:38It was using the same wigs.
21:40It's a wig-based production, basically.
21:42The Eddie Vedder impersonation was inspired.
21:45Yeah.
21:47If only you could do the biopic about him.
21:50No, imagine that.
21:52OK, if they were making a biopic about your life,
21:54this would be the part of the movie where the main character
21:57sits perfectly still and waits for the ads to be over.
22:00We'll see you in just a moment.
22:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:11Nomai Ano, welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:14We're currently watching comedians make biopics
22:17about famous public figures they know almost nothing about.
22:20Who have we got next, Paul?
22:22Destiny's Child, Beyonce.
22:25Meet Ross and Vicky's child, Tom.
22:28LAUGHTER
22:32In Texas in 1989, Tina Knowles and Papa Knowles
22:37welcomed their little cherub, baby Beyonce.
22:41Early on in her life, little Beyonce met Kelly Rowland
22:45and they became fast friends.
22:47They loved going to church together and singing gospel.
22:51In their late teens, Beyonce, Kelly and two other people
22:55became a band known as Destiny's Child.
22:58Not to be confused with Destiny's Church,
23:01but due to some disagreements, the band split up.
23:05In the early 2000s, Beyonce then met Jay-Z.
23:10They had three children together
23:12and they all lived happily ever after.
23:17The end.
23:22I've got to say, right off the bat,
23:24Say My Name is a very good title for a biopic.
23:27Yes, guys, thank you.
23:29And I also thought, you know,
23:31I tossed up whether I should play Beyonce and Jay-Z, etc,
23:34but I decided not to.
23:36I think that's a good decision.
23:38He also got slightly confused because the Texas he held up
23:41for her birth, he wrote 1981, which is correct,
23:44but then he said 1989.
23:46I know. Oz and Taylor Swift mode.
23:49OK, who's biopic have we got next, Paul?
23:52Christine Sings, but Abbie Howells
23:56made this sitcom.
23:58What if we did The Phantom of the Opera like a sitcom
24:01after The Phantom of the Opera has happened?
24:03That would be great. Yeah.
24:17Hello, Eric, The Phantom of the Opera and my husband.
24:21Did you do any murdering?
24:23Maybe a little.
24:26Oh, Eric, you promised me no more murdering.
24:30OK. I'll believe that when I see it.
24:35I've got some news. What is it?
24:38I'm up for a big promotion.
24:40So I invited the boss of the Paris Opera House over for dinner.
24:47I hope dinner is ready soon.
24:49I am starving.
24:51Here comes Eric now.
24:53He's prepared dinner.
25:02Bon appétit. A hen?
25:06I have always wanted to eat a hen.
25:09Delicious.
25:13I'm going into labour.
25:18Eric, I think I'm going to die.
25:21Please write a musical about me one day.
25:41Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
25:43My characters have died in childbirth three times now.
25:48Three times this series?
25:50Also, you don't see many deaths in sitcoms.
25:53My favourite episode of Friends is the one where Rachel dies in childbirth.
26:03All right, I'd like to see another biopic, please, Paul.
26:06You've got it, Jeremy.
26:08He's New Zealand's current Prime Minister
26:10and before he started this task, Taufinga didn't know his name.
26:15This is the Christopher Luxon story.
26:18Luxon. Sounds like a soap bee.
26:21It does.
26:22Do you think he had little toy planes and stuff
26:24and then thought, oh, I want to be CEO of Air New Zealand?
26:28Possibly.
26:29And then loved honey and stuff and thought,
26:32oh, I want to own my own beehive.
26:38Once upon a time in a small town in Christchurch,
26:41there was a young boy who loved to play with aeroplanes
26:44and his favourite food was honey on toast.
26:47Christopher.
26:49Christopher.
26:51How many times have I told you to stop playing with those stupid planes?
26:54It's not a stupid plane.
26:56You're eating up all the honey as well?
26:58Remember, you are the future of our soap business.
27:00Luxon soap.
27:02I don't like soap.
27:04One day, I'm going to be CEO of Air New Zealand
27:07and I'm going to own my own beehive.
27:09Well, until then, you're going to be looking after our family business.
27:13Luxon soap.
27:15Oh, smells like Luxon.
27:17Feels like Luxon.
27:20Mmm.
27:21Even tastes like Luxon.
27:23Dad, you've got to stop eating soap.
27:26Mmm.
27:27Oh, Luxon.
27:32Kia ora.
27:33My name's Christopher Luxon
27:35and I'm the Prime Minister of Aotearoa New Zealand.
27:52Gosh, I love the way that Chris Luxon changed ethnicity
27:56just towards the end of that.
27:58It's a seamless transition, yeah.
28:01Pretty factually correct, as far as I can tell.
28:04He probably does like honey on toast.
28:07And his dad probably ate a lot of soap, so...
28:10And that's how he says Aotearoa.
28:12That's right.
28:14OK.
28:15Who have we got next?
28:16It's Taskmaster New Zealand Season 3 alum, Paul Ego.
28:20And who better to direct it
28:22than someone who knows him and his family intimately,
28:26Hayley Sproul.
28:28Two sons.
28:29Abe...
28:31Gabe...
28:32Abe and Gabe?
28:33No, it's not Abe and Gabe.
28:35I've forgotten his wife's name.
28:37I've met her so many times. This is so rude.
28:39Hi, it's me.
28:41You know who I am.
28:42But do you know the man behind the voice?
28:45It's time to get to know the real Paul Ego.
28:50Yeah, yeah, yeah!
28:52Young Paul Jones enjoyed a privileged and lovely childhood
28:57growing up in New Zealand.
28:59I love the 70s!
29:01But then one day, as a young man,
29:03he met his beautiful petite wife, Jane.
29:07The only love of his life.
29:10Hi!
29:11After some delicious marital sex,
29:14Jane gave birth to Gabe
29:17and then Gabe's brother.
29:19Or vice versa.
29:21But after some time, he began his historic rise as a comedian.
29:26I've got two children, lovely Gabe and Gabe's brother.
29:29I love them very much as a father, but my question is,
29:31when the hell do they shuffle on out?
29:33Love you, Paul Ego, goodbye!
29:36Recently, he joined More FM's breakfast show.
29:39It's not as good as ZM, but it's still alright.
29:42That was Robbie Williams' angels here on More FM Breakfast.
29:46And we're asking you currently at the moment,
29:48when did you fart in public?
29:51So what's next for Paul Ego,
29:54aka Paul Jones?
29:56Perhaps a starring role on the celebrity bake-off.
30:05Considering you didn't know their names,
30:07do you think maybe you focused on Paul's children
30:09just a wee bit too much?
30:11I have to apologise to Paul's family,
30:13whom I've met so many times,
30:15in particular his wife, Janine, not Jane.
30:19You got Gabe right.
30:20I got Gabe right, and then I forgot...
30:23Isaac.
30:24Isaac.
30:26This is going to be quite difficult,
30:27because I think they were all very good.
30:29They were.
30:30But unfortunately, there have to be winners and losers.
30:32This is Taskmaster, that's the way it goes.
30:34Okay.
30:35And Abby is a loser.
30:37I mean, look, you tackled it by a pick,
30:39and then did a multi-camera, you know, sitcom.
30:43I thought Tom deserves two for his stick puppets.
30:46Hayley, it's difficult making something about someone you know,
30:50especially when you don't know the names of their children.
30:52So I'll give you three points.
30:54That's fair.
30:55I thought Tofinga's effort with Christopher Luxton
30:57was particularly good.
30:59Four points.
31:00And I think Ben Hurley's, I thought, was outstanding.
31:04Five points.
31:07We've run out of biopics.
31:09Give us a few minutes to come up with another task,
31:11and we'll see you in a moment.
31:14Welcome back to Taskmaster,
31:16the only show on television still giving out
31:18sexually attractive women as a prize.
31:21And correct me if I'm wrong, Paul,
31:23but I believe it's time for another task.
31:27Aye, aye, Captain.
31:28If you're watching this episode illegally,
31:30this task is inspired by you.
31:33And it's called,
31:34What is it?
31:35What is it?
31:36What is it?
31:37What is it?
31:38What is it?
31:39What is it?
31:40What is it?
31:41What is it?
31:42What is it?
31:43What is it?
31:44What is it?
31:45What is it?
31:46What is it?
31:47What is it?
31:48What is it?
31:49What is it?
31:50What is it?
31:51What is it?
31:54I don't even know what's going on there, but hi.
31:57Where's the task, Paul?
31:59The task is on the cassette tape.
32:01Oh!
32:06Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
32:11and circle where X marks the spot.
32:16Fastest wins.
32:18Your time starts now.
32:21I wasn't listening.
32:26OK, Paul, cover one eye, turn you into a pirate,
32:30cross the seven seas and circle the X.
32:33Sounds pretty achievable.
32:35Who are we going to see first?
32:36Up first, it's Sailor Sainsbury and Captain Hurley.
32:40So cover one eye.
32:42Exhibit A.
32:44What was the rest?
32:45And turn you into a pirate.
32:47Done.
32:48Take R.
32:49Cross the seven seas and circle where X marks the spot.
32:55Come on!
32:56Fastest wins.
32:57I hope there's a boat.
32:58You want to come with me, Squire?
33:01Tell you what, having one eye is quite hard.
33:03I feel like there's a little disparity in our weights.
33:07Land ahoy.
33:09There must be an X around here somewhere.
33:15Oh, no, I didn't listen to the instructions.
33:18There must be an X around here somewhere.
33:20Did it say go to the X and dig it up and find some treasure?
33:23All the information you need is in the task.
33:25Oh, it's on the tape.
33:26OK, I have to run back.
33:30I feel it was foolish not to bring the map.
33:33And circle where X marks the spot.
33:36It's go.
33:39What have I missed?
33:41I'm starting to get tired of this character.
33:47I circled X.
33:48What do you mean?
33:50Ahoy!
33:52A shovel.
33:53No X, though.
33:55Have you seen an X?
33:57On the map.
33:58Right.
33:59Surely that wasn't it.
34:02Back in the boat, Squire Paul.
34:04X, what am I missing?
34:06Do I need to go back and listen to it again?
34:10Magic, innit?
34:12Come on, Paul.
34:13Please, Pirate Paul.
34:15House ahoy, Cap'n.
34:16Aye!
34:17Your time starts now.
34:20I've got to go back and get the map.
34:22Do you think I'm a bit of a stupid at the moment?
34:24No, I never could think that, Cap'n.
34:27I should have known.
34:29This would be a trick.
34:31Oh, my God.
34:33So there are seven C's.
34:35Then turn you into a pirate.
34:37So I've got to turn you into a pirate?
34:39No, you've got to turn you into a pirate.
34:41Is there a U on here?
34:43A hat.
34:45Not unlike yours.
34:47I'm going to draw a little parrot here.
34:49Cover one eye.
34:50Cross the seven C's.
34:51Turn you into a pirate.
34:53Circle X.
34:54I'll stop the clock.
34:55Okay.
34:56Stop the clock.
34:57Oh, my God.
34:59What a journey.
35:01I reckon that's pretty good.
35:08When you figured out the trick,
35:10did you want to hurt Paul in any way?
35:12I wanted to hurt him throughout.
35:14How many times did you...?
35:16He ran from the study to the lake three times.
35:19For clarification, it was sort of a letter-based task.
35:23So cover one eye.
35:25Turn you into a pirate, the letter U.
35:27Cross the seven C's.
35:28Cross those out and then circle the X.
35:30So it was very simple task.
35:32I don't know why they would go to the lake.
35:36How long did it take them?
35:38Ben, 31 minutes 15.
35:41Oh.
35:42Tom, 41 minutes 24.
35:45Oh.
35:46Who have we got next?
35:47Up next, it's Ahoy Leigh Sproul,
35:49I.I.B. Howells
35:51and Toffing...
35:52Arr, Fepuliai.
35:55Cross the seven C's and circle where X marks the spot.
35:58I have to cross the lake?
36:00All right, let's go.
36:02I'm going to take this.
36:03Circle where X marks the spot.
36:05And circle where X marks the spot.
36:08I could just do that.
36:09I could just circle it now.
36:11I'm just going to double-check that this isn't a trick.
36:14It says circle where X marks the spot.
36:16Just double-checking, is that it?
36:18You've completed part of the task.
36:20OK, let's go, let's go, let's go.
36:22Sailor V, to the dock we go.
36:25Are we going to the dock?
36:26Fully up to you.
36:27Let's go.
36:29I must have completely misunderstood this, Paul.
36:32And all the instructions were on what he just said?
36:35Was it on the tape?
36:36It's on the tape.
36:44Cover one...
36:46Oh, cover one by...
36:49APPLAUSE
36:52Bon voyage, Captain.
36:54Crossing the seven seas.
36:57Crossing the seven seas.
36:59OK.
37:02Circle where X marks the spot.
37:04Where X marks the spot.
37:06Surely this is it.
37:08Are you sure this isn't me completing the task?
37:10Do I dig?
37:12Maybe there's treasure.
37:14If this is just a pile of dirt with nothing in it,
37:16I'll be quite unhappy.
37:18Is there anything under here?
37:19I don't think so.
37:21Oh, there's nothing here.
37:23Yeah, what are you digging for?
37:25Well, there was a hole, I just started digging.
37:27We're going to have to go back and listen to the tape again.
37:29All right, off we go.
37:31You into a pirate.
37:35Turn you into a pirate.
37:37Oh, I'm a pirate.
37:39Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
37:42Done.
37:43You've not done it.
37:44Are you sure?
37:47I reckon that's us, brother.
37:49I've stopped the clock.
37:50Thank you, sir.
37:51Thank you, Toppinger.
37:53Look at me, Paul.
37:54I'm losing my mind.
37:55I have completed the task.
37:56You've not completed the task.
37:58I think I have.
37:59Can I see the pump?
38:03Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
38:11And then I cross the seven seas.
38:13Covered one eye.
38:18Stop the clock.
38:23Lord have mercy.
38:25Thank you, Hayley.
38:27Oh, my God.
38:34Hayley, you were far more focused on acting like a pirate, really, than...
38:37I thought maybe I hadn't nailed the turn you into a pirate,
38:41so I was trying to drop in deeper.
38:44I thought you had to do it the entire time.
38:48I was so sick of talking like that.
38:51Also, what you cut out was that I spent ages on the side going,
38:54I'm terrified of water, I can't swim,
38:56and then Paul going, you don't have to do this.
39:01And then I was like, no, I'm going to get in the boat
39:03and we're going to face my first pull.
39:06Yet again, Josh, it seems like Toppinger's...
39:09unwillingness to move really helped him out.
39:14It's a good tactic. It's a hell of a good tactic.
39:16So the current time to beat is 31 minutes 15.
39:20Hayley was 35 minutes 55.
39:23Abby, 29 minutes and 10 seconds.
39:25Oh, not too bad.
39:27Toppinger, 14 minutes and 40 seconds.
39:31It's too hard to get to 14 minutes.
39:37Toppinger, with most of the tasks,
39:39he would sort of read the task
39:41and then he'd have kind of 10 minutes of just relaxation.
39:46OK, so where does that leave the scores for that task then, Paul?
39:49That means one point for Tom, two points for Hayley,
39:52three points for Ben, four points for Abby
39:55and five points for Toppinger.
39:57OK.
40:00Now it's time for some ads, unless you pirated this episode,
40:03in which case you don't have to watch the ads,
40:05but you do have to spend eternity in hell.
40:08We'll give you a moment to think about which is worse
40:10and we'll see you after this.
40:23Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:25We're about to see our comedians tackle a live task
40:28and find out once and for all
40:30who has won a restraining order against Paul.
40:34But before we do, Paul, a scoreboard update, please.
40:37In first place with 17 points, it's Toppinger Whetuliahi.
40:44OK, everyone, head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
40:53Oh, this looks interesting. What's going on here, Paul?
40:56Josh Thompson. An honour, thank you.
41:00Ahem.
41:02Listen for your note and move forward when you hear it.
41:07When you hear your note, you may move one spot forward.
41:11If you move forward on someone else's note,
41:14you must move two spots back.
41:16Highest score at the end wins.
41:19OK, these are your notes.
41:21Abby.
41:23Ben.
41:26Hayley.
41:28Josh.
41:30Tom.
41:33Can we have it one more time, please?
41:35No, sorry.
41:37Can I give you a note?
41:40Love to have it one more time.
41:49Are you ready?
41:58Two steps back, Ben.
42:29Two steps back, Abby.
42:49Abby, back two steps, please.
42:58Two steps back, Ben.
43:17Two steps back, please, Ben.
43:29Those are 15 notes.
43:32Yay!
43:37Come on down, everyone. Let's score it.
43:43I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:46All right, how are we going to score this,
43:48because we've got a couple of last places
43:50and a couple of first places?
43:52Yes, so Ben and Abby shared last,
43:54Yes, so Ben and Abby shared last,
43:57then Tom, and in first equal was Josh and Hayley.
44:00OK, so one point for Abby and Ben,
44:03three points for Tom,
44:05and then five points for Hayley and Josh,
44:07representing Tofinga.
44:10So, where does that leave the episode, Paul?
44:13That means, with 22 points,
44:15the highest episode score of the season,
44:18and his first episode win,
44:20represented by Josh,
44:22it's Tofinga Te Pulea'i.
44:25Congratulations, Josh.
44:27On behalf of Tofinga,
44:29please head up to the stage
44:31and get nice and close to things
44:33that are only good from far away.
44:35Away you go, Josh.
44:37And that's it.
44:39Thanks for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster.
44:42Especially our favourite viewers, Gabe,
44:44Gabe's older or younger brother,
44:46and a woman possibly called Jane.
44:49And what did we learn tonight?
44:51We learned that Abby Howells can't resist
44:53a pair of X-ray specs,
44:55and our Prime Minister can't resist
44:57the delicious taste of soap.
45:00But most importantly,
45:02we learned that the winner of episode six
45:04of Taskmaster season five
45:06is Tofinga Te Pulea'i.
45:09We look forward to seeing you next time.
45:11Ko marie. Good night.
45:21APPLAUSE
45:27All right.
45:29Stupid boy, you stay there!
45:31When I put this on, I'm going to completely change.
45:33I'll do whatever you want, any of your bedding.
45:35Vegetarian options, unbelievable.
45:37That's chicken.
45:39What? What's happening?
45:41It's been quite the show for us.
45:43LAUGHTER