Taskmaster NZ S05 E06
Taskmaster NZ S05 E07 >>> https://dai.ly/x94oiqu
Taskmaster NZ S05 E07 >>> https://dai.ly/x94oiqu
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle-biddle-chee!
00:09Oh!
00:10Yeah!
00:11Yeah!
00:12He-he-he!
00:13Tēnā koutou katoa and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40My name is Jeremy Wells, and while I think Kmart seats, Karma tests, and Mark's teats
00:47are all fine, the truth is that there's only one way I like those letters arranged.
00:52That's right.
00:53It's the title of Taskmaster.
00:55Tonight, we've invited five comedians to compete in a series of tasks.
01:02I'll give each comedian an appropriate level of points based on my infallible point-awarding
01:06system.
01:07Mostly, based on vibes.
01:09Whoever wins the most points at the end of the season will receive this.
01:16Competing for this trophy, and hoping not to look as foolish as they really are, it's
01:21Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:32Unfortunately, Topanga Tepelea'i can't be with us in the studio, so back again to defend
01:37his honour, and stand in his place, is the winner of Taskmaster Season 3, ladies and
01:42gentlemen, Josh Thompson!
01:46And by my side, as always, is my trusty sidekick.
01:50He's the Samwise to my Frodo, the Sundance Kid to my Butch Cassidy, and the Donkey to
01:56my Shrek.
01:58Please give a huge round of applause to Paul Williams!
02:02Before we got started tonight, my mum asked if I would use my platform to perform a song
02:10about bullying.
02:11So I'd like to do that, if that's okay.
02:14Hey everybody, haven't you heard?
02:19There's no better feeling in this world than picking on nerds.
02:26Bullying is the best.
02:27It makes you feel so alive.
02:31Let's find someone's insecurities and make them cry.
02:36Hold on, hold on, hold on.
02:37Bullying is the best.
02:38Hold on for a second.
02:39So is this an anti-bullying song, or a pro-bullying song?
02:43Pro, I guess, yeah.
02:46You sure your mum would want you to do that?
02:48Actually, that's a good point.
02:51Yeah, I guess maybe she wanted anti-bullying.
02:58We'll edit that out.
03:00Alright, should we start with tonight's prize task?
03:03So tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that's best from far away.
03:10Whoever has brought in the best thing from far away will receive five points and whoever
03:15wins the episode will get to take home all five great from far away things.
03:21Abby, what did you bring in?
03:22I brought in a lovely, beautiful, sexy lady.
03:26Oh my god, she's so sexy from far away and lovely.
03:30But if you look at her clothes, oh my god, her tattoos are so problematic.
03:36She's got a slur on her chest, she's got pestilence.
03:40And look at her legs, I looked into eugenics and it doesn't seem that bad.
03:47She's just best from far away, I think, even though she's a lovely, beautiful lady printed
03:52with sexy ink.
03:54If she was just wearing more clothes, it'd be fine.
03:56You wouldn't even notice.
03:57No, but she never does, that's the thing.
04:01And sexy ink, maybe, is the best.
04:02Ben, what did you bring in?
04:04Well Jeremy, have you ever seen the sun from close up?
04:09The sun close up is a massive, fiery ball of gas.
04:13But far away, it's a beautiful pinprick of light in the sky.
04:17It is a star, and I've purchased you a star.
04:20Wow.
04:21Woo!
04:26Ben gets five points.
04:27Well, you know, I just thought I'd...
04:29Wait, what did you just say?
04:30Well, hang on, hang on.
04:31We got it on camera.
04:32And Jeremy, when's your birthday?
04:33January 19th.
04:34That makes you a Gemini, and I made it in the Gemini, you know, thing.
04:45Constellation.
04:46Yeah.
04:47So, I'm a Capricorn.
04:48Right.
04:49Hayley, what did you bring in?
04:53I know we're having a lot of fun, Jeremy.
04:55And I don't want to have to bring down the mood.
04:57But for me, the thing that is best from far away is Paul.
05:01Sorry, Paul, that I have to do this, but you have been issued a restraining order against...
05:05Me?
05:06If I got a dollar for every time I got one of these.
05:16So how far is...
05:18It's roughly between four and five metres.
05:20So if you were to come forward, that's a breach.
05:23But if I'm back, you're fine.
05:26I know it's not your first one, but it's the first one from an individual, isn't it?
05:29Because normally it's a school, isn't it?
05:35It's actually not a school.
05:36It's all schools.
05:37Josh.
05:38Hello.
05:39You're representing Tofinga.
05:40What have you brought in?
05:41Yes, I'm here for my boy Tofinga.
05:46And I decided to bring in a beautiful silk pillow.
05:50If you see that in the distance, you'll think, I can't wait to put my head on there.
05:54Don't put your head on there, because if you got that close, you'd realise that I farted
05:58on it.
06:00One thing you can do is you can sit on a pillow and you squash all the fibres and fart as
06:04you rise, and it will suck in the fart.
06:09This really works.
06:10You can keep a fart for six to eight weeks.
06:13So this distance, we're okay?
06:15I mean, that's just a picture of it, but I think you'd be okay.
06:19But you could even enjoy it from even further away.
06:22Okay.
06:23Tom.
06:24So I went for a walk in our neighbourhood.
06:26We found this beautiful piece of nature, and a photo was taken, and it's a really beautiful
06:31thing that you can appreciate from far away.
06:33So we'll just look at the first one.
06:34There we go.
06:35That's a waterfall.
06:36That's in my neighbourhood.
06:37It's pretty beautiful.
06:38Nice.
06:39But if you get up too close, it's a little bit of a case of where's Wally?
06:40So we'll just go to the next picture.
06:45What are you doing there, Tom?
06:47Are you preparing a pillow?
06:50Oh, yes.
06:52I'm coming out of nature.
06:54I think nature's coming out of you today.
06:57Very hard to judge.
06:59One point for Ben Hurley.
07:01He got the wrong constellation.
07:02Two points for Abby.
07:04You can always get tattoos removed.
07:06Three points for Hayley.
07:07Four points for Josh and the stinking pillow.
07:10And that leaves five points for Tom Sainsbury with the Nature Ablution.
07:15Amazing.
07:16I'd love the first task tonight, please, Paul.
07:20People are often trying to steal my look, and this task is no exception.
07:31Here I come.
07:33Hello, Taufinga.
07:34Hey, Paul.
07:35Hello, Tom.
07:36Wow.
07:37Wowee.
07:38Wow.
07:40Wow.
07:41How's some stumes?
07:42Stumes?
07:43Costumes?
07:44Nice.
07:45I'm excited to see what's in here.
07:48Match accessories with Paul.
07:51Paul will emerge every minute with a new accessory until you match him.
07:56You may only don one accessory at a time.
07:59And you may not don the same accessory twice in a row.
08:04No peeking.
08:05Fewest accessories tried on by Paul wins.
08:08Your time starts now.
08:11Do you understand it?
08:12No.
08:13Oh.
08:14Well, you could really spot the theatre nerds in amongst our comedians, couldn't you?
08:21As Abby, Hayley and Tom's eyes lit up when they looked at the costumes.
08:25What characters will be born today?
08:27All right, shall we get straight into it?
08:31Let's start in the menswear section.
08:33It's Ben, Taufinga and Tom.
08:35OK, let's get onto it.
08:39Ready?
08:43If you squeeze those...
08:45Oh, man.
08:48Lovely.
08:49But it's not a match.
08:50Ready?
08:51Yep.
08:54Why have you got gum boots on?
08:56You should have told me you had gum boots on.
08:58Oh, sorry.
09:01Ready when you are, Paul.
09:03Eeeew.
09:05It's quite hard for me.
09:06I know, you're not breathing.
09:07Yeah, I don't feel good.
09:08Your eyes are bulging.
09:10Sorry.
09:11You don't have to apologise every time.
09:12Sorry for apologising.
09:15I think I got it, but...
09:17Oh, dammit.
09:18We've got similar colour schemes.
09:20Yeah, does that help?
09:21No.
09:22No, OK.
09:23Next.
09:24Yep.
09:25Ready?
09:26Yep.
09:27Ready.
09:30Sick.
09:31It's not a match.
09:32It's a good look, though.
09:36I think I got it.
09:38Well, that's the one I just had on before.
09:40I feel like there's no method to this.
09:42I, H, A, B, D, I, M, E, F, G, G, G, G.
09:51Are you ready?
09:52Ready.
09:58It's a match.
09:59Mm.
10:00Congratulations.
10:02It's epitical.
10:05OK.
10:06Close.
10:07Not really.
10:08A good effort.
10:14Oh.
10:16What have you got on?
10:17The book.
10:18Oh, that's not actually one of the accessories.
10:20Sorry.
10:21Why'd you put the book here for then?
10:22I think I just left those there.
10:23Sorry about that.
10:24Huh?
10:25Huh?
10:26I'm going to make a complaint to the taskmaster and bail you out.
10:29What's his name?
10:31Jarrod.
10:32And action.
10:34Connection?
10:35I mean, vaguely.
10:36Vikings used to wear coats.
10:37Did they?
10:38Yep.
10:44E, side.
10:45Yeah, Paul.
10:46What a record.
10:47It's a match.
10:48Yeah, it's a match.
10:49Oh, we did it.
10:50And he took two, guys.
10:51I took more than two.
10:52I hope you get five.
10:53You suck, Paul.
10:54You suck, Paul.
10:55You suck, Paul.
10:56You suck, Paul.
10:57You suck, Paul.
10:58You suck, Paul.
10:59You suck, Paul.
11:00You suck, Paul.
11:01You suck, Paul.
11:02You suck, Paul.
11:03You suck, Paul.
11:04Love you, Paul.
11:05Thank you, Toshinger.
11:10Tom.
11:11Who would have thought that knowing your ABCs were going to help you in later life?
11:15I know.
11:16Finally.
11:17What was the book for?
11:18The books, I didn't mean to leave the books there, but they were there for everyone.
11:22And the top book was the A to Z of fashion.
11:25Oh, my goodness.
11:28So, speaking of letters, Ben got up to the letter N, which was 14 attempts.
11:33Toshinger, the letter L, which was 12 attempts.
11:37And Tom, the letter G, seven attempts.
11:39Yes, Tom.
11:41Broken out in front here.
11:43More changing room montages coming up next.
11:46But first, we've got to sell you some clothes that you probably don't need.
11:50Your clothes are fine.
11:51You look absolutely amazing.
11:53We'll be back after these messages.
11:58Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:00The only place you can put a camera in a changing room
12:03without getting a visit from the police.
12:05Paul, jog everyone's memory, please.
12:07Our contestants are trying to match accessories with me,
12:10but little did they know I was dressing up in alphabetical order.
12:14Next up, they've got a passion for fashion,
12:17a desire for attire,
12:19and the opposite of loathsome,
12:21they've got a passion for fashion,
12:24a desire for attire,
12:27and the opposite of loathing for clothing.
12:30It's Abbey and Hayley.
12:32Have fun in there.
12:33I miss you when you're gone.
12:38How cool are fedoras, though?
12:39The best hat.
12:44Bugger it.
12:48I used to definitely wear something like that when I was 13.
12:50I was a goth.
12:51But I actually went to Animates and got a proper dog collar.
12:54Were you watching me change?
12:55No.
12:56No?
13:00What's that bit for?
13:02Oh.
13:03I don't know what that bit's for.
13:07Ah, we're getting there, I feel like.
13:09What's your viking name?
13:11Craig.
13:12Oh, do you look good in that?
13:13I feel good.
13:14Yeah.
13:16Going to the masquerade.
13:18Yes.
13:19Yes?
13:20Going to...
13:21To Dogtown.
13:22It doesn't feel right.
13:26Oh, Paul!
13:28I had them and I changed.
13:32Oh.
13:34Beautiful.
13:35And beautiful.
13:36No.
13:43Alright.
13:44Back to Dogtown?
13:45Yeah.
13:47You do look like Michael Jackson.
13:49Doreen.
13:50Doreen.
13:51Yeah, it's really good.
13:52It's really good.
13:53Okay, okay.
13:55You got the x-ray glasses on again?
13:58Um, no.
14:03Oh!
14:05I went and I picked it up.
14:07I can't stop.
14:08I'm compelled by them every time.
14:11What happens if we're here all day?
14:13Then we're here all day.
14:14Okay.
14:15Are you going to go umbrella hat again?
14:17No, I don't think so.
14:20Oh.
14:24Get back in there.
14:25Whoa.
14:26They drew me in again.
14:28We're well off again.
14:30The watch.
14:31Ready?
14:33I actually already know it's not a match.
14:36Because you could see through the curtain.
14:38Yeah.
14:39You ready?
14:40Yeah.
14:41Yeah!
14:43Looking good, Paul.
14:45I think there was only one more possible item.
14:48The umbrella hat.
14:50Are you happy?
14:51Yeah.
14:55You ready?
14:56No.
14:57You said you were.
14:58I'm ready.
15:02You've got to be kidding me, Paul.
15:06We're back to bloody square one, aren't we?
15:08I'm feeling it.
15:10You ready?
15:15Yeah.
15:16Ah!
15:18We did it.
15:19That's for the Haddies.
15:24Hayley, between the necklace the top hat and the zebra hat,
15:27it's like you had a sixth sense for getting it wrong.
15:29I know.
15:30Now that I watch yours, I was like,
15:31I should have just picked one object
15:32and just put it on the whole time.
15:34It was a great tactic.
15:35Sadly, the object she chose...
15:36Was X.
15:37Yeah, yeah.
15:38Yeah, I alternated between X and U.
15:42Yes, she chose the X-ray glasses nine times
15:45and she went to dork town four times.
15:50Where was your autistic superpower this time, Abby?
15:54I mean, look, Tom did well there.
15:56We now know a lot about Tom.
15:58He ain't diagnosed, I'm legit.
16:01Is this the first time you've ever been teased
16:03for not having autism?
16:06Where's your autistic powers now, bish?
16:09So how many letters did we get around to?
16:13So Abby, the letter X.
16:15So 24 attempts.
16:17Hayley, the letter C.
16:19Great, but second time through.
16:21So 29 attempts.
16:23That means one point for Hayley, two points for Abby,
16:26three points for Ben, four points for Tefinga,
16:29and five points for Tom Sainsbury's.
16:35What are the scores of this round?
16:37What are the scores for the episode, Paul?
16:40With a perfect ten points out in front, it's Tom Sainsbury.
16:47Alright, fast show's a good show. What's next?
16:50This task involves a list-ers.
17:02Hello, Paul.
17:03Hello, Abby.
17:04Oh!
17:06Got another one of these stupid challenges, eh?
17:09Uh, they're called tasks.
17:10Tasks.
17:11We generally don't say they're stupid.
17:13Oh, yeah.
17:15Write down the 20 public figures you know the most about.
17:20You have seven minutes, your time starts now.
17:22Uh, Di Henwood.
17:24Season four of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:26Madeline Sami.
17:27Season one of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:29Joseph Parker.
17:31Stephen Adams.
17:32Elizabeth I.
17:34Henry VIII.
17:35How long have I got?
17:36You've got three minutes and 50 seconds.
17:37Oh my God, I have to move quickly.
17:39Anthony Bourdain.
17:40And I will go Paul Ego.
17:43Season three of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:45Alright, it's been good.
17:46Wait.
17:48I knew there was a second part.
17:52Create a short biopic based on the life of your 20th public figure.
18:00You may not do any further research into your figure.
18:04You have one hour, your time starts now.
18:08I'm going to put Beyonce down the bottom.
18:10I'm going to go with Christine Daae.
18:13From Phantom of the Opera.
18:15What's the publicist's name?
18:17Current one.
18:18Current one.
18:19Chris Luxon.
18:20Christopher Luxon.
18:23And last of all, public figure I know least about.
18:26Matt Cameron.
18:28Who's Matt Cameron?
18:30He's the drummer for both Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.
18:34Oh no.
18:39I'm drooling, miss.
18:43This is going to be quite obscure television.
18:45Is there anyone you would have rather made a biopic film about?
18:48Everyone knows but Luxon.
18:55Glad to see you get some plugs in for some previous seasons of Taskmaster, Paul.
18:59Yeah, and they were popular as well.
19:01Ben had six Taskmaster New Zealand contestants.
19:04Hayley, 11.
19:05Oh wow.
19:06I had many kings and queens of yore.
19:10No one on her list was born after 1970.
19:16So fingers list, Chris Luxon was the only white person.
19:24He didn't even know who the Prime Minister was
19:26so I don't know how he's going to make a biopic
19:28about someone who he doesn't know, Josh.
19:30Toughing it.
19:31Cameron, Luxon, they've kind of got a similar vibe.
19:36Look at Ebony and Ivory.
19:37Let's see them doing a duet.
19:39Who are we watching first?
19:40We've all been wondering when Matt Cameron,
19:43the drummer from Soundgarden and also Pearl Jam,
19:46would be getting his biopic.
19:49Well, the wait is finally over thanks to Ben Hurley.
19:58Dad, what are you doing?
20:00Well, I'm cooking, son, because men cook too.
20:04One day you'll find something you're passionate about.
20:07Yeah.
20:28Man, I'm such a good drummer now.
20:32I just need a cool band with a cool name.
20:37Wow.
20:38There's so many sounds in this garden.
20:47What is it, Chris Cornell, lead singer of my band Soundgarden?
20:51That's right, Matt.
20:52I'm Chris Cornell from our band Soundgarden
20:54and it's time for our band to break up.
20:57I'm going to embark on a pretty average solo career.
21:00No!
21:09I'll never drum again!
21:15Eddie Vedder from the band Pearl Jam?
21:17Yeah!
21:19Would you like to be in my band called Pearl Jam?
21:24Again.
21:25Yes!
21:27Oh, that was good.
21:32There's so much to unpack there.
21:35It actually felt like a lot of TVNZ biopics, to be honest.
21:38It was using the same wigs.
21:39It's a wig-based production, basically.
21:42The Eddie Vedder impersonation was inspired.
21:45Yeah.
21:47If only you could do the biopic about him.
21:50Oh, imagine that.
21:51OK, if they were making a biopic about your life,
21:54this would be the part of the movie where the main character
21:56sits perfectly still and waits for the ads to be over.
21:59We'll see you in just a moment.
22:11Nau mai anō!
22:12Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:14We're currently watching comedians make biopics
22:16about famous public figures they know almost nothing about.
22:20Who have we got next, Paul?
22:22Destiny's child, Beyoncé.
22:24Meet Ross and Vicky's child, Tom.
22:32In Texas in 1989, Tina Knowles and Papa Knowles
22:37welcomed their little cherub, baby Beyoncé.
22:41Early on in her life, little Beyoncé met Kelly Rowland
22:45and they became fast friends.
22:47They loved going to church together and singing gospel.
22:52In their late teens, Beyoncé, Kelly and two other people
22:56became a band known as Destiny's Child.
22:59Not to be confused with Destiny's Church,
23:01but due to some disagreements, the band split up.
23:06In the early 2000s, Beyoncé then met Jay-Z.
23:11They had three children together and they all lived happily ever after.
23:18The end.
23:22I gotta say, right off the bat,
23:24Say My Name is a very good title for a biopic.
23:27Yes, God, thank you.
23:29And I also thought, you know,
23:31I tossed up whether I should play Beyoncé and Jay-Z, etc.,
23:33but I decided not to.
23:36I think that's a good decision.
23:37He also got slightly confused because the Texas he held up
23:40for her birth, he wrote 1981, which is correct,
23:43but then he said 1989.
23:45I know.
23:46I was in Taylor Swift mode.
23:49OK, who's biopic have we got next, Paul?
23:51Christine sings, but Abby howls.
23:56Made the sitcom.
23:58What if we did The Phantom of the Opera like a sitcom
24:00after The Phantom of the Opera has happened?
24:03That would be great.
24:04Yeah.
24:05Oh, hello, Eric, the Phantom of the Opera and my husband.
24:20Did you do any murdering?
24:22Maybe a little.
24:25Oh, Eric, you promised me no more murdering.
24:29OK.
24:30I'll believe that when I see it.
24:35I've got some news.
24:36What is it?
24:37I'm up for a big promotion.
24:39So I invited the boss of the Paris Opera House over for dinner.
24:46I hope dinner is ready soon.
24:48I am starving.
24:51Here comes Eric now.
24:52He's prepared dinner.
25:02Bon appétit.
25:03A hand?
25:05I have always wanted to eat a hand.
25:09Delicious.
25:12I'm going into labor.
25:17Eric, I think I'm going to die.
25:20Please write a musical about me one day.
25:35APPLAUSE
25:41Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
25:43My characters have died in childbirth three times now.
25:48Three times this series?
25:49Yeah.
25:50Also, you don't see many deaths in sitcoms.
25:53My favourite episode of Friends is the one where Rachel dies in childbirth.
26:00LAUGHTER
26:03All right, I'd like to see another biopic, please, Paul.
26:06You've got it, Jeremy.
26:07He's New Zealand's current Prime Minister,
26:09and before he started this task, Taufinga didn't know his name.
26:15This is the Christopher Luxon story.
26:18Luxon.
26:19Sounds like a soap opera.
26:21It does.
26:22Do you think he had little toy planes and stuff
26:24and then thought, oh, I want to be CEO of Air New Zealand?
26:28Possibly.
26:29He loved honey and stuff
26:31and thought, oh, I want to own my own beehive.
26:38Once upon a time in a small town in Christchurch,
26:41there was a young boy who loved to play with aeroplanes
26:44and his favourite food was honey on toast.
26:47Christopher!
26:49Christopher!
26:51How many times have I told you to stop playing with those stupid planes?
26:54It's not a stupid plane.
26:55You're eating up all the honey as well?
26:57Remember, you are the future of our soap business.
27:00Luxon Soap.
27:01I don't like soap.
27:03One day, I'm going to be CEO of Air New Zealand
27:06and I'm going to own my own beehive.
27:08Well, until then, you're going to be looking after our family business.
27:12Luxon Soap.
27:14Oh, smells like Luxon.
27:16Feels like Luxon.
27:19Mmm.
27:20Even tastes like Luxon.
27:22Dad, you've got to stop eating soap.
27:25Mmm.
27:27Oh, Luxon!
27:32Kia ora.
27:33My name's Christopher Luxon
27:35and I'm the Prime Minister of Aotearoa New Zealand.
27:39Tena koutou, tena koutou, minna koutou, minna moa.
27:46Mmm.
27:47Luxon.
27:52Gosh, I love the way that Chris Luxon changed ethnicity
27:56just towards the end of that simplistic...
27:58Seamless transition, yeah.
28:00Pretty factually correct, as far as I can tell.
28:03I mean, we don't...
28:04He probably does like honey on toast.
28:06And his dad probably ate a lot of soap, so that's...
28:10And that's how he says Aotearoa.
28:12That's right.
28:14Who have we got next?
28:15It's Taskmaster New Zealand Season 3 alum, Paul Ego.
28:20And who better to direct it than someone who knows him
28:23and his family intimately, Hayley Sproul.
28:27Two sons, Abe...
28:30Gabe.
28:31Abe and Gabe?
28:32No, it's not Abe and Gabe.
28:34I've forgotten his wife's name.
28:36I've met her so many times.
28:37This is so rude.
28:38Hi, it's me.
28:40You know who I am.
28:41But do you know the man behind the voice?
28:44It's time to get to know the real Paul Ego.
28:49Yeah, yeah, yeah!
28:51Young Paul Jones enjoyed a privileged and lovely childhood
28:55growing up in New Zealand.
28:58I love the 70s!
29:00Then one day, as a young man,
29:02he met his beautiful petite wife, Jane.
29:06The only love of his life.
29:09Hi!
29:10After some delicious marital sex,
29:13Jane gave birth to Gabe,
29:16and then Gabe's brother, or vice versa.
29:21But after some time,
29:22he began his historic rise as a comedian.
29:26I've got two children,
29:27lovely Gabe and Gabe's brother.
29:28And I love them very much as a father.
29:30But my question is,
29:31when the hell do they shuffle on out?
29:33Love you, Paul Ego!
29:34Goodbye!
29:36Recently, he joined More FM's breakfast show.
29:39It's not as good as ZM, but it's still alright.
29:42That was Robbie Williams' angels here on More FM Breakfast.
29:46And we're asking you currently at the moment,
29:48when did you fart in public?
29:51So what's next for Paul Ego, aka Paul Jones?
29:56Perhaps a starring role on the celebrity bake-off?
30:05Considering you didn't know their names,
30:07do you think maybe you focused on Paul's children
30:09just a wee bit too much?
30:11I have to apologise to Paul's family,
30:13whom I've met so many times,
30:15in particular his wife Janine, not Jane.
30:19You got Gabe right.
30:20I got Gabe right, and then I forgot...
30:22Isaac.
30:23Isaac.
30:25This is going to be quite difficult,
30:27because I think they were all very good.
30:28They were.
30:29But unfortunately, there have to be winners and losers.
30:31This is Taskmaster, that's the way it goes.
30:33Okay.
30:34And Abby is a loser.
30:36I mean, look, you tackled it by a pic,
30:38and then did a multi-camera, you know, sitcom.
30:43I thought Tom deserves two for his stick puppets.
30:46Hayley, it's difficult making something about someone you know,
30:49especially when you don't know the names of their children.
30:52So I'll give you three points.
30:53That's fair.
30:54I thought Tofinga's effort with Christopher Luxon
30:56was particularly good.
30:58Four points.
30:59And I think Ben Hurley's, I thought, was outstanding.
31:03Five points.
31:07We've run out of biopics.
31:08Give us a few minutes to come up with another task,
31:10and we'll see you in a moment.
31:13Welcome back to Taskmaster.
31:15The only show on television still giving out
31:17sexually attractive women as a prize.
31:19And correct me if I'm wrong, Paul,
31:21but I believe it's time for another task.
31:24Aye, aye, Captain.
31:25If you're watching this episode illegally,
31:28this task is inspired by you.
31:30And it's called,
31:31How to Make a Man Out of a Woman.
31:33And it's called,
31:34How to Make a Man Out of a Woman.
31:36And it's called,
31:37How to Make a Man Out of a Woman.
31:39And it's called,
31:40How to Make a Man Out of a Woman.
31:42MUSIC
31:52Ahoy there.
31:53I don't even know what's going on there, but hi.
31:55Um, where's the task, Paul?
31:57The task is on the cassette tape.
31:59Oh.
32:04Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
32:09Cross the seven seas
32:11and circle where X marks the spot.
32:15Fastest wins.
32:17Your time starts now.
32:20I wasn't listening.
32:26OK, Paul.
32:27Cover one eye, turn you into a pirate,
32:29cross the seven seas and circle the X.
32:32Sounds pretty achievable.
32:34Who are we going to see first?
32:35Up first, it's Sailor Sainsbury and Captain Hurley.
32:39So cover one eye,
32:41Exhibit A.
32:43What was the rest?
32:45And turn you into a pirate.
32:47Done. Tick.
32:48Arr.
32:49Cross the seven seas
32:51and circle where X marks the spot.
32:54Come on.
32:56Fastest wins.
32:57I hope there's a boat.
32:58You want to come with me, Squire?
33:00Tell you what,
33:01having one eye is quite hard.
33:03I feel like there's a little disparity in our weights.
33:06Land ahoy.
33:08There must be an X around here somewhere.
33:14Oh, no.
33:15I didn't listen to the instructions.
33:17There must be an X around here somewhere.
33:19Did it say go to the X and dig it up
33:21and find some treasure?
33:22All the information you need is in the task.
33:24Oh, it's on the tape.
33:25OK, I have to run back.
33:27Turn. Turn.
33:29I feel it was foolish not to bring the map.
33:32And circle where X marks the spot.
33:35Let's go.
33:37What have I missed?
33:40I'm starting to get tired of this character.
33:46I circled X.
33:48What do you mean?
33:49Oh.
33:50Ahoy.
33:51A shovel.
33:52No X, though.
33:54Have you seen an X?
33:56On the map.
33:57Right.
33:58Surely that wasn't it.
34:00Back in the boat, Squire Paul.
34:03Cross, what am I missing?
34:06Do I need to go back and listen to it again?
34:10Magic, innit?
34:12Come on, Paul.
34:13Please, Pirate Paul.
34:15How's ahoy, Cap'n?
34:16Aye!
34:17Your time starts now.
34:20I thought I'd go back and get the map.
34:22Do you think I'm a bit of a stupid at the moment?
34:24No.
34:25I never could think that, Cap'n.
34:27I should have known.
34:29This would be a trick.
34:31Oh, my God.
34:33So there are seven seas.
34:35Then turn you into a pirate.
34:37So I've got to turn you into a pirate?
34:39No, you've got to turn you into a pirate.
34:41Is there a U on here?
34:43A hat.
34:45Not unlike yours.
34:47I'm going to draw a little parrot here.
34:49Cover one eye.
34:50Cross the seven seas.
34:51Turn you into a pirate.
34:53Circle X.
34:54I'll stop the clock.
34:55OK.
34:56Stop the clock.
34:57Oh, my God.
34:59What a journey.
35:01And it's pretty good.
35:07When you figured out the trick,
35:09did you want to hurt Paul in any way?
35:11I wanted to hurt him throughout.
35:13How many times?
35:15He ran from the study to the lake three times.
35:17For clarification,
35:19it was sort of a letter-based task.
35:22So cover one eye.
35:24Turn you into a pirate, the letter U.
35:26Cross the seven seas.
35:27Cross those out.
35:28And then circle the X.
35:31So it was very simple task.
35:33I don't know why they would go to the lake.
35:37How long did it take them?
35:39Ben, 31 minutes 15.
35:41Oh.
35:42Tom, 41 minutes 24.
35:45Oh.
35:46Who have we got next?
35:47Up next, it's Ahoy Leigh Sproul,
35:49I.I.B. Howells,
35:51and Tofing Arr,
35:53Fepuli Ah E.
35:55Cross the seven seas
35:57and circle where X marks the spot.
35:59I have to cross the lake?
36:00Alright, let's go.
36:02I'm going to take this.
36:03Circle where X marks the spot.
36:05And circle where X marks the spot.
36:08I could just do that.
36:09I could just circle it now.
36:11I'm just going to double check that this isn't a trick.
36:14It says circle where X marks the spot.
36:16Just double checking, is that it?
36:18You've completed part of the task.
36:20Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.
36:22Say love me to the dock we go.
36:24Are we going to the dock?
36:26Fully up to you.
36:27Let's go.
36:28I must have completely misunderstood this, Paul.
36:31And all the instructions were on what he just said?
36:34Was it on the tape?
36:35It's on the tape.
36:44Cover one...
36:45Oh, cover one eye.
36:51Bon voyage, Captain.
36:53Crossing the seven seas.
36:56Crossing the seven seas.
37:00Okay.
37:01Circle where X marks the spot.
37:03Where X marks the spot.
37:05Surely this is it?
37:07Are you sure this isn't me completing the task?
37:10Do I dig?
37:11Maybe there's treasure.
37:13If this is just a pile of dirt with nothing in it,
37:15I'll be quite unhappy.
37:17Is there anything under here?
37:19I don't think so.
37:21Paul, there's nothing here.
37:23Yeah, what are you digging for?
37:24Well, there was a hole.
37:25I just started digging.
37:26We're going to have to go back and listen to the tape again.
37:28All right.
37:29Off we go.
37:30You into a pirate.
37:34Turn you into a pirate.
37:36Oh, I'm a pirate.
37:37Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
37:41Done.
37:42You've not done it.
37:43Are you sure?
37:46I reckon that's us, brother.
37:47I've stopped the clock.
37:48Thank you, sir.
37:49Thank you, Topanga.
37:50Look at me, Paul.
37:51I'm losing my mind.
37:52I have completed the task.
37:53You've not completed the task.
37:54I think I have.
37:55Uh, Cassandra?
37:59Cover one eye.
38:05And turn you into a pirate.
38:07And then I cross the seven seas.
38:09Have you covered one eye?
38:14Stop the clock.
38:17Stop the clock.
38:22Lord have mercy.
38:24Thank you, Hayley.
38:26Oh, my God.
38:34Hayley, you were far more focused on acting like a pirate, really, than...
38:37I thought maybe I hadn't nailed the turn you into a pirate,
38:41so I was trying to drop in deeper.
38:44I thought you had to do it the entire time.
38:46I was so sick of talking like that.
38:50Also, what you cut out was that I spent ages on the side going,
38:53I'm terrified of water, I can't swim,
38:55and then Paul going, you don't have to do this.
39:00And then I was like, no, I'm going to get in the boat
39:02and we're going to face my first pull.
39:04Yet again, Josh, it seems like Topanga's unwillingness to move
39:09really helped him out.
39:12It's a good tactic.
39:13It's a hell of a good tactic.
39:14So, the current time to beat is 31 minutes 15.
39:17Hayley was 35 minutes 55.
39:20OK.
39:21Abbey, 29 minutes and 10 seconds.
39:23Oh, not too bad.
39:25Topanga, 14 minutes and 40 seconds.
39:28It's the hardest time to beat!
39:3114 minutes!
39:33So...
39:35Topanga, with most of the tasks, he would sort of read the task
39:38and then he'd have kind of 10 minutes of just relaxation.
39:42OK, so where does that leave the scores for that task then, Paul?
39:45That means one point for Tom, two points for Hayley,
39:49three points for Ben, four points for Abbey,
39:52and five points for Topanga.
39:54OK.
39:56Now it's time for some ads, unless you pirated this episode,
39:59in which case you don't have to watch the ads,
40:01but you do have to spend eternity in hell.
40:04We'll give you a moment to think about which is worse,
40:07and we'll see you after this.
40:09Welcome back to Castmaster.
40:12We're about to see our comedians tackle a live task
40:15and find out, once and for all,
40:17who has won a restraining order against Paul.
40:20But before we do, Paul, a scoreboard update, please.
40:24In first place, with 17 points,
40:26Abbey, with most of the tasks,
40:28has won a restraining order against Tom,
40:31three points for Hayley,
40:33four points for Ben,
40:35three points for Topanga,
40:37and in first place, with 17 points,
40:39it's Topanga Whetulia'i.
40:44OK, everyone, head up onto the stage
40:46for the final task of the show.
40:52Oh, this looks interesting.
40:54What's going on here, Paul?
40:56Josh Thompson.
40:58An honour, thank you.
41:02Listen for your note
41:04and move forward when you hear it.
41:06When you hear your note, you may move one spot forward.
41:10If you move forward on someone else's note,
41:13you must move two spots back.
41:15Highest score at the end wins.
41:18OK, these are your notes.
41:20Abbey.
41:22Ben.
41:25Hayley.
41:27Josh.
41:29Tom.
41:32Can we have it one more time, please?
41:34No, sorry.
41:36Can I give you a note?
41:39I'd love to have it one more time.
41:48Are you ready?
41:50MUSIC PLAYS
42:00Two steps back, Ben.
42:04MUSIC CONTINUES
42:20MUSIC CONTINUES
42:29Two steps back, Abbey.
42:34MUSIC CONTINUES
42:36MUSIC CONTINUES
42:49Abbey, back two steps, please.
42:53MUSIC CONTINUES
43:06MUSIC CONTINUES
43:12Two steps back, please, Ben.
43:18MUSIC CONTINUES
43:26MUSIC CONTINUES
43:32Those are 15 notes.
43:35Yay!
43:39Come on down, everyone.
43:41Let's score it.
43:46I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:48All right, how are we going to score this?
43:50Because we've got a couple of last places
43:52and a couple of first places.
43:54Yes, so Ben and Abbey shared last,
43:56then Tom, and then first equal was Josh and Hayley.
43:59OK, so one point for Abbey and Ben,
44:02three points for Tom,
44:04and then five points for Hayley and Josh,
44:06representing Tofinga.
44:10So, where does that leave the episode, Paul?
44:13That means, with 22 points,
44:15the highest episode score of the season,
44:18and his first episode win,
44:20represented by Josh, it's Tofinga Whipuliahi.
44:25Congratulations, Josh, on behalf of Tofinga.
44:28Please head up to the stage
44:30and get nice and close to things
44:32that are only good from far away.
44:34Away you go, Josh.
44:36And that's it.
44:38Thanks for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster.
44:41Especially our favourite viewers, Gabe,
44:43Gabe's older or younger brother,
44:45and a woman possibly called Jane.
44:48And what did we learn tonight?
44:50We learned that Abbey Howells
44:52can't resist a pair of x-ray specs,
44:54and our Prime Minister can't resist
44:56the delicious taste of soap.
44:59But most importantly,
45:02we learned that the winner of episode six
45:04of Taskmaster season five
45:06is Tofinga Whipuliahi.
45:09We look forward to seeing you next time
45:11from Marie. Good night.
45:28You stupid boy, you stay there!
45:30When I put this on, I'm going to completely change.
45:33I'll do whatever you want, any of your bidding.
45:35Vegetarian options, unbelievable.
45:37That's chicken.
45:39What? What's happening?
45:42It's been quite the show for us.