Marriage - DJ
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00:00Releasing this fall, The Coming Golden Age,
00:03a new prophecy book by Dr. David Jeremiah.
00:06Inside, he reveals 31 fascinating biblical insights
00:09into the millennium, a future era of 1,000 years of peace
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00:48Just six chapters, 2,000 words, and 20 minutes of your time,
00:52yet its impact lasts a lifetime.
00:56It succinctly and powerfully explains what it means
00:59to believe and how to discover God's calling for you,
01:03how to find purpose, overcome obstacles, connect with others,
01:07claim a life you love, endure difficulty, experience
01:12the fullness of life, love without limits,
01:15and ultimately be the follower of Christ
01:18you've always wanted to be.
01:20Join me in God's Word as we find the proven way
01:24to build a belief that thrives, impacts, and endures,
01:28a belief that behaves.
01:30It all starts with the book of Ephesians.
01:37Coming up on Turning Point.
01:39By the grace of God, I'm going to be the person in marriage
01:43that God has called me to be and trust Him
01:46to deal with my partner.
01:48If you do that, you have a better chance
01:51than anything I can tell you for your marriage to be whole.
01:57Discover a belief that restores, relates, rejoices, and behaves
02:01in Dr. David Jeremiah's new book,
02:03Belief That Behaves, The Book of Ephesians.
02:06In this rich study of Paul's beloved epistle,
02:09Dr. Jeremiah explores what it means to be a follower of Christ
02:12in practical terms and how we should act or behave as believers.
02:16Through 19 chapters, you'll discover God's how-to guide
02:20to the Christian life, including resolving conflict with others,
02:23successful marriage and parenting, finding purpose,
02:26overcoming spiritual attacks, and praying effectively.
02:29Ephesians has the power to change your life,
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03:04new from Dr. Jeremiah, when you contact Turning Point today.
03:10Thank you for watching Turning Point.
03:13And now, here is Dr. Jeremiah with his message,
03:17Marriage.
03:21In Ephesians 5, Paul gives us some of the Bible's
03:23most practical and important instruction about marriage.
03:27He begins with, first of all, a word to the wives
03:31in Ephesians 5, 22 and 24.
03:34Here's what he says.
03:36Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
03:40For the husband is the head of the wife,
03:42as also Christ is head of the church,
03:44and he is the Savior of the body.
03:46Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ,
03:49so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
03:55As we examine the instruction to wives here in Ephesians,
03:59we are immediately struck with the fact
04:01that only three verses are employed to get the wives straight,
04:04but it takes nine verses to get the husband straight.
04:07If there is one word that causes some women to bristle
04:11in this section of Scripture, it is the word submit.
04:14In Paul's day, as well as in our day,
04:17the concept of submission is a negative.
04:20Culturally, back then, it conveyed the idea of slavery
04:24and the loss of identification.
04:26Willing submission by Christians in the first century
04:29made them the targets of ridicule
04:32because people said they were submissive, weak people.
04:36I think we will discover today
04:39that a great deal of resistance and fear about submission
04:42is the result of a faulty understanding of it.
04:46Sometimes, if you don't know what it is
04:48and you're still against it,
04:50you're down a road you can't come back from.
04:52But when submission is understood from God's perspective,
04:55it is embraced as an evidence
04:58of spiritual strength and godliness.
05:01So, let's unpack these three verses to the wives
05:04and see if we can get to the very heart
05:07of God's desire for us in our marriages.
05:10Here are five thoughts about this subject
05:12from this passage of Scripture.
05:14First of all, the concept of submission.
05:17An important observation to make as we study this together
05:20is that there is mutuality of submission,
05:23not only in marriage, but in all of the Christian life.
05:27Paul begins this whole section back in chapter 5, verse 21,
05:31where we read,
05:34submitting to one another in the fear of God.
05:37Here is a setting for the stage of all relationships
05:40that will follow, wives and husbands,
05:43children and parents, employees and employers.
05:47But all of these relationships
05:49could be equally included in reverse.
05:52As a man of God and a follower of Christ,
05:54a husband is to have submissive attitudes toward his wife,
05:58and parents are to have that same spirit
06:00toward their children,
06:02and employers are to model that same spirit
06:04toward their employees.
06:06Submission is not an ugly quality.
06:09It is a godly quality, and I can prove it to you.
06:13In Philippians chapter 2, we read about how Christ
06:16submitted himself to the will of the Father
06:19and set aside his privileges, and he came to this world,
06:23and he went to the cross to die.
06:26So, ladies, if submission is a repulsive, outdated term,
06:30then it must describe God that way as well,
06:33because Christ was submissive to his Father.
06:37So, we need to get off this idea
06:39that every time you submit to someone else
06:41or every time you let somebody else's opinion
06:43rule over your opinion, that that's a weakness,
06:46that's strength, the concept of submission.
06:49Notice, secondly, the center of it,
06:51submitting to one another in the fear of God.
06:54When a Christian submits to another,
06:57including a wife submitting to her husband,
06:59it is to be done in the fear of God.
07:02Verse 22 says,
07:04the wife is to be subject to her husband as to the Lord.
07:08When a wife is submitting to her husband,
07:10she is submitting to the Lord,
07:12and I believe that's the way a wife submits to her husband,
07:15and it's a barometer of her relationship to Jesus Christ.
07:18Lack of submission to the husband
07:20can be an indicator of lack of submission to Christ
07:23in other areas.
07:25Why is this true? Here's why it's true.
07:27Because the primary relationship in a wife's life
07:30is not her relationship with her husband
07:33but her relationship with her Lord.
07:36And the priorities in a wife's life are the Lord first,
07:40her husband second, her children third,
07:42and her other responsibilities after that.
07:45Therefore, obedience at the first level of priority
07:48will help you with obedience at the remaining levels.
07:52You're to submit to your husband
07:55because in doing it, that's a way of submitting to the Lord.
07:59Here's the third thought, the context of submission.
08:02Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
08:07Now, over the years, I have heard preachers and teachers
08:11use this passage to convey a sort of global submission
08:16that all women are to be submissive to all men.
08:19That is not true.
08:21It's never been true, and it's certainly not true
08:23from the Word of God.
08:25Notice how carefully Paul crafts this.
08:27He says, wives, be in submission to your own husband.
08:33That's the length of it and the breadth of it
08:36and the depth of it and the height of it.
08:38It doesn't extend beyond that.
08:40Your relationship to your husband, wives,
08:42is one of being submissive,
08:45even as he has a relationship with you
08:48that has submission written all over it.
08:51So, don't take the idea that this is somehow a way
08:54of raising men above women in their status before God.
08:58Here is a verse of Scripture that will take that away from you.
09:01Galatians 3, 28,
09:03there is neither Jew nor Greek,
09:05there is neither slave nor free,
09:07there is neither male nor female,
09:09for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
09:13So, don't try to take the guidelines for the home
09:15outside of the home,
09:17or you will be in violation of the Scripture.
09:20Number four, the criterion of submission.
09:24For the husband is the head of the wife, verse 23,
09:27as also Christ is head of the church,
09:29and he is the Savior of the body.
09:31Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ,
09:34let the wives be to their own husband in everything.
09:39Even Christ has someone over him,
09:42while at the same time being equal
09:44with the one to whom he submits.
09:46In John 10, 30, Christ said,
09:48I and the Father are one.
09:50Is the Father more spiritual than the Son? No.
09:53Is the Son less important than the Father? No.
09:56They are one. In fact, when you get married,
09:58you become one, you take one name, you become one.
10:00So, submission isn't about somebody being better
10:03or not better than another.
10:05It can't possibly be that,
10:07because Christ is submissive to the Father,
10:09and the Bible says they're equal.
10:12When a woman stands before a pastor in an altar
10:14and she pledges her love and loyalty to her husband,
10:17and he pledges his love and loyalty to her,
10:20according to the Word of God, they become one.
10:24They become identified with one another
10:26so much so that they take the same name.
10:29They are no longer identified by two names, but by one name.
10:33When you become married, you become one,
10:36and that entity has never existed before
10:38between the two of you,
10:40and she willingly submits in a spirit of unity,
10:44just as Christ submits to the Father.
10:47Don't think that this is something you shouldn't do.
10:50If Christ did this with His Father,
10:52you shouldn't have any problem with this,
10:55because it's just a matter of God's instruction
10:58as to how the relationship should work.
11:02Then notice number five, the consequences of submission.
11:07This is really important.
11:09I have no idea how you are today in your marriage,
11:14but I really suspect hearing statistics
11:16that some of you may have had a fight in the car
11:18on the way to church today.
11:21And if you're blushing, I now know who it is, right?
11:26But what I want to tell you is all marriages
11:28go through difficult times and disagreements,
11:31and sometimes they can be long-lasting and very painful.
11:35So I'm going to give you a really important secret
11:38from the Bible that I hope you will listen to carefully.
11:42When a husband fails to love and cherish his wife,
11:46it makes it very difficult for her to submit to him,
11:48and when a wife does not have a submissive attitude
11:51to her husband, it's very difficult for him
11:53to love her as he should.
11:56When we fail to follow the instruction of the Bible,
11:59our marriages get on a downward cycle
12:02of antagonism and contentiousness
12:04and no one willing to break the cycle,
12:06and so there's no way to fix it.
12:08But I'm going to tell you how to fix it.
12:11When that cycle is broken, it's like this.
12:14If just one of the partners in a marriage
12:17will begin to do what they have been instructed
12:19by the Word of God to do, that alone can change things.
12:25You say, well, my husband's never going to love me
12:28the way the Bible says he should love me.
12:30Well, that doesn't matter.
12:31You just submit to him the way the Bible tells you
12:33to submit to him.
12:34Or my wife's never going to be submissive to me
12:36the way the Bible says.
12:37Well, just love her.
12:38Love her as Christ loved the church.
12:40Love her.
12:42And if one of you will do what God tells you to do,
12:44even if the other does not want to do it,
12:46over a period of time, your determination
12:49to be faithful to God, number one in your life,
12:52do what he tells you to do,
12:53you have the greatest opportunity by doing that
12:56to make your marriage come back together
12:58and be the way God wants it to be.
13:00But if both of you sit back and wait for the other
13:03to take their turn, there's no way to fix it.
13:06One of you has got to be strong enough,
13:09biblical enough, Christian enough,
13:11righteous enough, godly enough,
13:13to step forward and say, right now,
13:15we're not in a good place, but by the grace of God,
13:18I'm going to be the person in marriage
13:20that God has called me to be
13:22and trust him to deal with my partner.
13:25If you do that, you have a better chance
13:28than anything I can tell you
13:30for your marriage to be whole.
13:32Well, that's all I got to say to the wives,
13:34so, ladies, you can take a deep breath and relax,
13:37and let me talk to the husbands for a few moments,
13:41as Paul did, from three verses to nine verses.
13:45I guess that means, guys,
13:46we need a lot more help than the women do.
13:49So, here we go.
13:50A word to the husbands in verse 25.
13:53A lot of people who are new to the study of the Bible
13:58find it very unusual that Paul is going to command love.
14:02There's a cultural connotation that love is a woman's job
14:06just because love is so often viewed
14:08in the context of romance.
14:10The husband is supposed to be the breadwinner.
14:12The wife is at home keeping the love nest
14:14properly trimmed and cared for.
14:17But those are cultural ideas, and they're not biblical ones.
14:22The Bible says that husbands are responsible
14:25to love their wives.
14:26Let me take that a little further.
14:28Husbands are responsible for love in a marriage.
14:33They're to be the ones who take initiative
14:36and are responsible for the love quotient in any marriage.
14:39Paul is clear in Ephesians 5 that the husband is to love
14:43his wife as Christ loved the church.
14:46And in his instruction, he gives to us four comparisons
14:50that will help us understand what that means.
14:53How do I love my wife as Christ loved the church?
14:57Well, here's the first one.
14:59You love your wife unconditionally.
15:01One of the things that's happened in our marriages
15:04in America is they have become performance-based.
15:07As long as you do this, I'm all right.
15:10As long as you do that, I'll be all right.
15:13No, the Bible says love is unconditional.
15:15It has nothing to do with what you do.
15:17It's because you committed yourself to love that person.
15:20You love them unconditional.
15:22I promise you, they're gonna do something you don't like.
15:25But that cannot be reason for you not to love them
15:28as you should.
15:29Love is a command.
15:30It is not a feeling.
15:31It is something we do, not something that we feel.
15:34And love is what you do in spite of what is going on
15:38on the other end of the relationship.
15:40Somebody comes to me and says,
15:41I think I'm gonna get a divorce.
15:43I'm a Christian, but I don't love my wife anymore.
15:45You are disobedient.
15:46The Bible says love your wife.
15:47Well, I don't love her anymore.
15:48That doesn't make any difference.
15:49Love her.
15:50How do I love her?
15:51Love is a command.
15:52It's an action.
15:53Do the loving things you used to do when you first got married
15:56and don't get divorced.
15:58Because if you stop loving your wife,
16:00you're living in disobedience to God.
16:02I mean, we play with this so carefully.
16:04We don't want to say the things the Bible says.
16:06The Bible says to husbands, husbands, love your wives.
16:10I don't feel like...
16:11Love your wife.
16:14Christ's love for the church was not based on anything
16:18the church did to make him want to love us.
16:22He was under no illusions when he sought us in love.
16:24He knew what we were.
16:25He knew we were sinners, that we were in need of a Savior,
16:28and he gave up his life for us in love,
16:30knowing that we would fail him.
16:32And his love for us is not based upon our performance,
16:35and that is the way we are to love our wives.
16:38Our love in marriage must embrace all of the faults
16:40and failures that we each bring to the relationship.
16:43Christ's love for us was not idealized.
16:46It was not romanticized.
16:47It was not stylized.
16:49He loved us as we are,
16:51and a husband must love his wife in the same way.
16:56I don't hear any amens, but I'm gonna go on.
17:01Number two, love your wife sacrificially.
17:06The Bible says in verse 25 that Christ loved the church so much
17:10that he gave himself for the church.
17:15The supreme demonstration of the costliness of love
17:18is seen in what Jesus did when he went to the cross.
17:21Men and women, love is expensive.
17:24Just as Christ gave himself up on behalf of his bride,
17:27the church, so the husband is to give himself up
17:30sacrificially for the benefit of his wife.
17:33Husbands and wives know what it is like to give up
17:36some of the things on their priority list
17:38so that they can serve each other.
17:41Love means sacrifice.
17:43When you love someone, you're willing to give up for them,
17:46give in for them, give for them,
17:48and yes, do it as unto the Lord.
17:52What I wanna tell you is this.
17:53When you love somebody, you don't have to minister to them.
17:57You want to.
17:58You look for ways.
17:59You're filled with joy that you get to be the person
18:02who helps this one that you love get through a hard time
18:06in their life.
18:07If there's any one thing that I could say to us men today,
18:10and I put myself in that category
18:12because I'm kind of preaching to myself along with you,
18:15it would be this.
18:17Learn what it means to serve your wife.
18:21I'm telling you it's the most important thing you can ever do.
18:23You say, what do you mean by that?
18:24Well, I hear guys say, oh, all my wife does is nag, nag, nag.
18:27You know why she nags?
18:28Because you're not doing the things you should do
18:30to start with.
18:31She's telling you that you should be doing some things.
18:34Here's what serving your wife means.
18:35Listen, it's finding out what she really needs
18:38and doing it before she asks you to do it.
18:41She will have to have medical attention
18:43if you do that the first time.
18:46But I'm telling you, it is a life changer.
18:49Get up in the morning, take the trash out
18:51before she says, could you take the trash out, please?
18:54Get up in the morning, take care of the dogs.
18:56Get up in the morning, help her any way you can help her.
18:59And the key to it is do it before she asks you to do it.
19:02If she has to ask you to do it, you've lost.
19:05The game's over.
19:07This game is only played if you have enough insight
19:10to get into her head
19:12and find out what it is that she really needs
19:14and before she asks you about it, do it.
19:18Whenever I get asked by Donna now,
19:20since I've been doing this, to do something,
19:22I always feel kind of bad.
19:23Why didn't I think of that?
19:25Serving isn't a one-way street.
19:27In fact, I believe husbands should lead the way.
19:30That's my goal.
19:31That's what I want to do.
19:32I want to lead the way in serving my wife.
19:35If you do that, you can probably forget about
19:37the rest of what I'm gonna say
19:38because it's gonna get better, so better.
19:41The Bible says Christ sacrificed himself for the church.
19:46You've got to sacrifice yourself for your wife.
19:49You know, once in a while you need to sit down
19:51and maybe you have something you really want to do
19:53and it's in conflict with something
19:54she really wants to do.
19:56You be the person who says,
19:58let's do this, baby, let's do your thing.
20:01Sacrifice.
20:03Don't make it something you have to do
20:05because you've been asked to do it.
20:07Do something ahead of time.
20:09Be proactive.
20:10I don't know how to say it any other way.
20:12In my estimation, that's what it means today
20:14to sacrifice and serve one another.
20:19And then the Bible says,
20:20husbands, love your wives purposefully.
20:23It says in verse 26 that Christ loves the church,
20:26that he might sanctify and cleanse her
20:28with the washing of water by the Word,
20:31that he might present her to himself,
20:33a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle
20:36or any such thing,
20:37but that she should be holy and without blemish.
20:40Here's what Paul is telling us.
20:42He's saying that when Christ loves the church,
20:44he has an end in mind, and that end in mind
20:47is that the church might be all that it could possibly be.
20:51He calls it without spot and blemish,
20:53holy before God.
20:54You know why he's loving the church?
20:56He wants the church to be everything it was meant to be.
20:58You know why you should love your wife?
21:00It's so you can help her be everything God wants her to be.
21:04Some of you are married to very talented women.
21:07If there was a way to measure the talent,
21:10she's more talented than you are.
21:12What do you do about that?
21:14Some guys I know are on a campaign to hold her back
21:17so that she can never rise above the level where he is.
21:21Wrong.
21:22The husband is to be the greatest cheerleader
21:25for his wife's advancement,
21:27for her success in the marketplace,
21:30if that's where she is.
21:31He is to be her greatest cheerleader
21:33in whatever she does so that he helps her
21:36become the best she could ever be.
21:39He doesn't hold her back.
21:41He lifts her up,
21:42and that might be a hard thing for some guys.
21:45If you've got an ego that's on fire,
21:47that'll be really tough,
21:48but if you want to be a godly husband,
21:50that's what the Scripture says.
21:51Your goal is to lift up your wife
21:54and help her become the best woman,
21:57the best wife, the best mother,
21:59a godly husband is excited about the success of his wife.
22:04That's what the Bible teaches.
22:06I can't say it any more plainly than that.
22:09Love her unconditionally.
22:11Love her sacrificially.
22:13Love her purposefully.
22:15Number four, love her passionately.
22:18So husbands ought to love their own wives
22:21as their own bodies.
22:23He who loves his wife loves himself,
22:26for no one ever hated his own flesh,
22:29but he nourishes and cherishes it
22:32just as the Lord does the church.
22:35The Bible says that Christ's love for us
22:37was without limit and without condition
22:40and without reservation,
22:42and men are to love their wives in the same manner.
22:44For me, the idea of loving one's wife as one's own body
22:48is an unusual thought because most men would say
22:51they don't give a whole lot of attention to their own body.
22:54I gotta do better than that.
22:56This is not pampering or grooming.
22:58It's about the way that every person goes to great lengths
23:01to care for his or her own body,
23:03to feed it, cleanse it, take it to the doctor,
23:06do whatever's necessary to keep it healthy.
23:09When a man marries a woman, they're joined and become one.
23:12Therefore, what a man used to do for himself,
23:15he now does as well for his wife
23:18because she is one with him.
23:20When you take care of your wife, according to the Scripture,
23:22you're taking care of yourself
23:24because you and your wife are now one.
23:26So husbands ought not to neglect their wife
23:28any more than they would neglect their own body.
23:30And then there are two key words that Paul throws in here,
23:33and these are hard words for men.
23:35I'm gonna do my best to help you understand what they mean.
23:38First of all, Paul says,
23:40husbands, nourish your wife.
23:42What does that mean?
23:44When a husband nourishes his wife,
23:46he sees that her needs are met.
23:48It ought to be a fulfilling task for the husband
23:50to do everything he can to meet his wife and families.
23:52Back to the servant issue.
23:54When you nourish your wife,
23:56you're looking at everything that's around her
23:58and you're saying,
24:00Lord, God, help me to do anything I can
24:02to make this woman, make her life better,
24:04help her be healthier, help her be stronger.
24:07Don't resist taking some of the pressure off of her.
24:10Don't always make her deal
24:12with all the issues with the children.
24:14So what I'm saying is when you nourish your wife,
24:17you feed her emotionally and spiritually and physically.
24:22You nourish her up.
24:24And then the next word is the word cherish.
24:28Cherish is a word,
24:30really, it's outside of the context of most men.
24:33It's a really hard concept for me to even try to describe.
24:36Cherish is a word, when it's used in the New Testament,
24:39it describes the way a nurse cares for a sick patient
24:42or a mother cares for a newborn.
24:46This tenderness is to characterize
24:49a husband's care for his wife.
24:52Tenderness is the key to a woman's heart.
24:55Tenderness helps her to remember what it was like
24:57when you were courting
24:59and you were so tender and caring back then.
25:01And if we do that, if we learn to do
25:03what God tells us to do in His Word,
25:05we don't have to be casualties.
25:07I mean, it's so sad to me that they tell us now
25:10the statistics of failed marriages
25:12are as great in the church as they are
25:14in the culture outside the church.
25:16It should never be that way.
25:17We have a plan.
25:19Isn't this a great plan that God gave us?
25:21What to do, how to do it better, and let's do it.
25:24And let me just tell you this.
25:26If you don't know Jesus Christ as your Savior,
25:28if you've never put your trust in Him,
25:31you're gonna muddle through,
25:33but you don't have that extra wonderful thing
25:36that comes to a Christian marriage.
25:39And I would like to encourage you today
25:41to think seriously about giving your life to Christ.
25:47If you have never put your faith in Jesus Christ before,
25:50Dr. Jeremiah would like to help you take your first steps
25:53by sending you two resources.
25:55The first is a booklet called Your Greatest Turning Point,
25:58which will help you begin your relationship with Christ.
26:01And the second is our monthly devotional magazine,
26:04Turning Points, to give you encouragement
26:06and inspiration throughout the year.
26:09These resources are yours completely free
26:11when you contact Turning Point today.
26:17Thank you for watching Turning Point.
26:19When you give a gift of any amount
26:21in support of this program,
26:23Dr. Jeremiah will send you, in appreciation,
26:25his new book, Belief That Behaves,
26:27The Book of Ephesians.
26:29And if you give a gift of $75 or more,
26:32Dr. Jeremiah will send you The Belief That Behaves set,
26:35which contains his new book,
26:37his complete two-volume teaching series on CD or DVD,
26:40and two correlating study guides.
26:42Thank you for your support.
26:44Request these resources
26:46when you contact Turning Point today.
26:51Turning Point Plus is a BibleStrong library
26:54of on-demand teaching from Dr. David Jeremiah.
26:57Over 40 years of BibleStrong teaching and more,
27:01available on all your favorite devices.
27:05Watch the Turning Point series you love at any time.
27:09Plus, discover new, never-before-seen collections today.
27:13Visit turningpointplus.org to get started.
27:22The Bible insists that the little ones we have
27:24in our homes are from God,
27:26and our children are not accidents
27:28that come to derail our career plans.
27:31They are not inconveniences or intrusions
27:34into the lives of busy parents.
27:36They're gifts from God to be treasured.
27:39And when we treasure our children,
27:42they have the best shot at growing up
27:44in the most positive way.
27:47Thank you for being with us today.
27:49Join Dr. Jeremiah next time for his message,
27:53Parents and Children,
27:56here on Turning Point.
28:01Thousands of Christians take cruises for their vacations.
28:04So why not take a cruise with Turning Point?
28:06Enjoy a Bible conference on the water.
28:08When you set sail with David and Donna Jeremiah,
28:10you'll experience exciting ports and activities,
28:13and uplifting daily times of worship,
28:15Bible teaching and fellowship.
28:17More than just a getaway,
28:19it's a time to refresh, renew,
28:21reconnect with God and loved ones.
28:23Call or go online for more details.