Twenty-One

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Twenty-One

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Transcript
00:00Luz eterna, luz perpetua,
00:08Luce a teis, teis,
00:15Luce a, luce a teis.
00:28Tuna teis pace,
00:37Tuna teis pace,
00:49Luce a teis.
01:00When this comes off, I'm going to look like Grace Kelly.
01:19I want a little sugar in my bowl.
01:35I want a little sweetness down in my soul.
01:41I could stand some nothing.
01:45I'm going to stick my head in the basin, and I'll come out like,
01:49Oh, Charles, can't we take the Lincoln tonight?
01:52I'm not in a Cadillac mood.
01:54Zip me up, will you?
01:57And if I'm not Grace Kelly, I'm taking this stuff back to the shop.
02:01I'm not spending money on some slimy stuff that doesn't totally transform me.
02:06I'm always returning things to the drugstore.
02:09There's a man in there. I mean, he's a sweetheart, but sort of creepy.
02:13Last time I got a lipstick there, something really weird that's meant to stay on for 48 hours.
02:18And he's doing this whole number about how I'm a lily that doesn't need gilding.
02:22I mean, I'd be pleased, except this man's about 200 years old, pretty desperate.
02:27He does his Charles Aznable thing with every woman that goes in there.
02:31I mean, a female elephant could walk in there, and he'd be like,
02:33Oh, mon chéri, you want donuts? I've got plenty of donuts.
02:39I mean, how do you keep your tongue looking so young and beautiful?
02:43And even the female elephant would be thinking, fuck off, creep.
02:47My mother always says a girl should accept compliments gracefully,
02:50which I agree with in principle, it's just you have to discriminate.
02:54So many people are trying to sell you a line.
02:56You'd be very stupid to get excited every time some man tries to razzle-dazzle you.
03:01I mean, it's the same with criticism.
03:03We all have to be open to it and everything,
03:05but you've got to look at who's doing the criticizing, haven't you?
03:08If you don't respect the person who's ladling out the shit, don't eat it.
03:12And never, never show you care what they say, even if you do.
03:16I mean, go home and tear your hair out if you want to,
03:19but don't start boo-hooing in front of them.
03:22It's a major mistake.
03:24The basic thing about compliments is never trust one that comes from a man.
03:29Women on the whole aren't going to bother bullshitting you about how nice your hair is.
03:33If I see my girlfriend Francesca and I'm looking crap,
03:36she'll say, Darling, you look absolutely horrific.
03:39And I'll say, Oh, come on, Fran, do I really look that bad?
03:42And she'll say, Fucking awful.
03:44A man in the same situation, no matter how honest he is in every other respect,
03:49is always going to say, You look fine.
03:53So it's definitely men you've got to watch.
05:06Oh,
05:37Oh,
05:49Therefore proclaim they are husband and wife.
05:54Blessing of God Almighty, Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
06:00among you and remain with you.
06:04Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
06:07In the name of Christ, Amen.
06:34Kenneth and Kate.
07:01Mr Kenneth Rowe and Miss Kate Rowe.
07:03Ah, Kenneth, so glad you could make it at short notice.
07:06Have you got enough champagne?
07:07Yes, thank you.
07:08How's the car business?
07:09Yes, yes, it's lovely.
07:10Good.
07:11Yes.
07:12Very, very, very nice.
07:13Lovely wedding.
07:14Oh, good.
07:15You haven't met my daughter Katie, have you?
07:17No, I don't think so.
07:20Congratulations.
07:23The wife couldn't make it, I'm afraid, but Katie wanted to come along.
07:26We don't see eye to eye about the dress.
07:28Oh, Dad.
07:30Well, it's nice to have you here.
07:32I hope you enjoy yourself.
07:35Good.
07:36Well, come on through.
07:37And darling, this is the man who sells me all those flash cars.
07:40I'm going to have to stop buying them.
07:42He's not about flash.
07:47But then you know Brother Jack, he's a lovable rogue.
07:50Yes.
07:51But no matter how many tricky positions he finds himself in,
07:56always seems to end up on his feet.
08:00I think you'll agree it's been the most wonderful wedding.
08:04And loathe as I am to see this fairest of flowers
08:08commit herself to a lifetime with such a mendacious cad,
08:13I will do what is expected of me and propose a toast
08:19to an exceedingly lovely lady and an incredibly lucky man.
08:26To Jack and Jane.
08:28To Jack and Jane.
08:40Katie, I wonder if you'll give me a hand.
08:43One of the bridesmaids just spilled something down her dress.
08:47Do you think you could come and help me get a cloth or something?
08:50I'd sort it out myself.
08:51Maybe it's not thought proper for newly married men to hang around ladies' clothes.
08:56Would you?
08:58Yeah, all right.
08:59Oh, Greg.
09:00We'll look after this.
09:01I'll be back in a minute, all right?
09:04Greg, thanks.
09:05It's just through here.
09:17What the fuck's going on?
09:19Shh.
09:26Katie, a little kiss by way of non-true congratulations is entirely in order.
09:31Listen, I'm not in the habit.
09:33All right, all right, all right.
09:34Look, I'd better tell somebody.
09:35I've got one month to live.
09:37Surely you're not going to deny a sick man a kiss?
09:40No.
09:41I'd better tell somebody.
09:42I've got one month to live.
09:44Surely you're not going to deny a sick man a little bit of happiness?
09:47You're sick, all right.
09:48Listen, listen, listen.
09:50Think of all the billions of grains of sand in all the huge deserts in the world.
09:54And think of this vast galaxy in which our blue and green planet is spinning
09:58and all the vast galaxies beyond that.
10:01And consider, are you really going to go precious about one little kiss?
10:12You really are a devil, aren't you?
10:18Mm-hmm.
10:22Oh, no.
10:24You get undressed first.
10:27I want to look at you.
10:31I want to look at you.
10:33I want to look at you.
10:35I want to look at you.
10:37I want to look at you.
10:39I want to look at you.
11:09Oh!
11:12Check.
11:13Think of all those billions of grains of sand in all those galaxies
11:17and consider, are you really going to get precious about a little pain in the balls?
11:23Oh!
11:36The bad news is, I ended up fucking him anyway.
11:40The first time we did it, he called me up about a month after his wedding
11:43and asked me out to dinner.
11:45I was amazed.
11:46I thought, we're talking seriously thick-skinned person here.
11:50I knew he had to have some slimy view of the whole thing, like he saw me as a challenge.
11:55But at the time, I was majorly frustrated and I thought, fuck it, I'll go.
12:00And now I've told you that, you're going to hate me.
12:03The first time I told Francesca about it, straight away her whole face went like a little prune
12:08and she kept saying, how could you?
12:10Over and over.
12:12I asked her if it was my infidelity to Bobby that got to her or Jack's infidelity to Jane
12:17and she said it wasn't the infidelity that got to her,
12:19it was the fact that I could sleep with someone I readily admitted was a creep.
12:23Because yes, I would say without reservation, Jack is a creep.
12:27In the great scheme of things, I'm still only a minor league shit
12:30and Jack wins the gold medal for shittiness.
12:33And how, Francesca wanted to know, could I share the greatest intimacy known to man and woman
12:37with someone like that?
12:39And I thought about this a lot and I've come to the conclusion that in my situation,
12:44as it was then, and in fact, as it is now,
12:47I wasn't, and I'm not looking for the greatest intimacy in all that jazz.
12:52I'm looking for a straightforward fuck.
12:58From time to time, I'll get not exactly lonely, but aware of being alone.
13:04You know.
13:06So my girlfriend might sneer, but Jack was really a find.
13:10Normally when you sleep with a creep, he'll do one of two things.
13:14Either he jumps out of bed with a firecracker up his ass
13:16and thinks he has to get away before you propose to him or something.
13:20Or he wants to cuddle up and have a cigarette and discuss a reunification of Germany.
13:25And all the while, you can just tell he's thinking,
13:27God, what a civilized, caring son of a gun I am.
13:31And all the while, you're thinking, enough conversation already.
13:35Get to your side of the bed and start counting sheep.
13:40The one thing that really freaked me out, though, was Jane.
13:43That felt pretty sleazy.
13:45I told myself that Jane was Jack's moral dilemma.
13:48And then I think, who am I kidding?
13:50So then I think, all right, I won't see him again.
13:53And then I'd get horny, and I'd think, well, just this once.
13:56So it went on.
13:58I never let him stay at my place, though. I had a thing about that.
14:01So we'd meet all sorts of places, which was a laugh.
14:05Listen, I don't want you getting the idea I'm a nymphomaniac or anything.
14:09I'm not planning on making adultery a career.
14:11And I haven't actually fucked anyone in months.
14:14I'm strictly a one-man adulteress.
14:17It's just for a while now in my life,
14:20sex and love have come in different packages.
14:23It's all well and good, darling, but married men are so passe.
14:27This is the era of wholesome, honest romance.
14:30Now, I am going to give you one of Francesca's little cautionary tales.
14:35I have this great friend, Sally Perkins.
14:38And last year, she started having an affair with this divine man
14:41called Jeremy something-or-other. Simply divine.
14:43Practically a Greek god.
14:45And terribly good in birth, Sally thought.
14:48Then one day, they're sitting around talking about sex, as one does.
14:53And Jeremy mentioned that his wife didn't use contraception
14:56because she was frightfully strict about her Catholicism.
14:59And Sally said,
15:01Oh, but Jeremy, how have you managed to have only two babies
15:05in ten years of marriage?
15:07And Jeremy said,
15:08Well, you can always tell if it's the same time of the month
15:12by smelling a woman.
15:14Mmm! Mmm!
15:16God, darling, can you imagine? Sally's so embarrassed after that
15:19she was always wondering whether he was secretly sniffing her.
15:22Fair was over in a matter of weeks.
15:24I haven't noticed Jack sniffing me, if that's the point of the story.
15:27Oh, Katie, don't be so horribly reductive.
15:30The point is, one never knows with married men.
15:35They're a terribly odd lot.
15:45I never fooled myself about Bobby.
15:48The first time I saw him, I said to myself,
15:50That bloke's a fuck-up.
15:52It's just I had to get into his knickers.
15:55We were never going to end up in a cosy flat
15:57spending our weekends checking out the seed catalogues.
16:00I knew it wasn't a hopeful situation.
16:03It's just he was so fucking lovely.
16:07What with Fran getting me her friend's apartment
16:10and finding myself a job in New York during my first week,
16:13I shouldn't be missing London.
16:15And Bobby.
16:17But I do.
16:23Ah, Bobby.
16:25Bobby, you're an hour and a half late.
16:28It won't do.
16:30I keep covering up for you all the time.
16:33Linda, I'm such a stupid bastard, and you're such a princess.
16:37I would have been on time this morning, but it was my dog.
16:40The dog?
16:41No, really, Linda, I swear to God, about 7 o'clock this morning,
16:44Malcolm started up whining and being sick.
16:46Malcolm? You've got a dog called Malcolm?
16:49Aye, he came over really ill.
16:51I can't stand to see an alimony pain, so I had to take him to the vet.
16:54Oh, right, all right. But not again.
16:56If you're not on time tomorrow, you've had it.
17:00PHONE RINGS
17:30PHONE RINGS
17:34Hello, my name's Robert McIntyre.
17:36I'm phoning on behalf of DB Insurance Services.
17:41No, madam, I shan't be trying to sell you anything.
17:43What I'd like to do is just tell you a wee bit about our outfit,
17:46and if you're at all interested in what we could do for you...
17:48He's an idiot, but he cracks me up.
17:51He's a good seller, too.
17:53So I see.
17:55Do you fancy him?
17:57Go away.
17:59He's like a rag and bone man.
18:01In fact, I can tell just by listening to you.
18:03You're far too young to have even considered life insurance.
18:06Am I right?
18:10Right.
18:12Well, what we're doing is giving a promotion at the moment.
18:17Ten o'clock's fine with me.
18:19I was talking to you, too. Bye.
18:22Ten o'clock, Tuesday.
18:24Yeah! Bobby's made a sale!
18:26Yeah!
18:30OK, Bobby, we all know you're brilliant.
18:33Glenda, please.
18:35Give me just a wee break.
18:37First call in the morning. I sold her on the whole caboodle.
18:40All right, all right. Now go away.
18:42Glenda, I don't suppose there's any chance.
18:44How will we advance, sir?
18:46Just 30 quid or something till the end of the month?
18:48No, no, no.
18:51No advance.
18:53It's not policy.
18:55Oh, couldn't we fuck policy just this once?
18:58What's your problem, Bobby?
19:00Everyone else manages to make their money last.
19:02Why can't you?
19:04What with Malk taking ill.
19:06You have no idea how expensive vet bills are these days.
19:09No, Bobby.
19:11Glenda, is there really no way?
19:13I'm shit Greek.
19:15No advance.
19:19But I'll lend you some for my own.
19:26And I want it back next payday.
19:30Glenda, you are a fucking mason.
19:32You have really saved my life.
19:34You're a red, red rose in a world full of thorns.
19:37Fuck off, Bobby.
19:39Good.
19:42Here's my unit.
20:08Would you like to have a drink with me after work?
20:11Excuse me?
20:13Would you like to have a drink with me after work?
20:15I can't tonight. I'm busy.
20:18Oh, well.
20:20Another time, then.
20:24Tomorrow, perhaps?
20:26Good.
20:44Good.
21:06Yeah, I know. I just think that with the amount of money I pay my shrink,
21:11I don't know, relax a little.
21:13Well, yeah, I suppose I could.
21:15But then, you know, how much money would I make a week?
21:17No, it wouldn't be right.
21:19Oh, yeah, I gotta go. Okay, bye-bye.
21:21Bye-bye.
21:23Bye, Katie. Thanks so much, honey.
21:26See you in about an hour.
21:29Now, tell me if I'm being intolerant,
21:31but are those women just a teensy bit on the nauseating side, or what?
21:36This place gets me down.
21:38I've been working here for a week,
21:40and every day they come flouncing in
21:42and spend eight hours being completely questioners.
21:45Very occasionally they'll look over at me and I'll say,
21:47how are you getting on?
21:49And I say, being the coward that I am,
21:51oh, fine, thanks.
21:53Then every day come 5.30, you know, I'll pack up to go home,
21:56and one of them will say, goodness,
21:58how nice to be going home at 5.30.
22:01And they do this whole routine
22:03about what incredibly busy working days they have.
22:05And I go, well, ho-ho, no rest for the wicked.
22:08And then I fuck off.
22:10My dad says I should go back to college
22:12and get better qualifications
22:14so I wouldn't have to do rubbish jobs like this,
22:16but I don't think I could bear going back to education.
22:20I have this funny thing with Dad.
22:22I'm always making him ashamed of me and pissing him off.
22:26But there's no-one, apart from Baldy, maybe,
22:29that I trust as much as him.
22:32If I killed someone
22:34or was caught sexually molesting animals or something,
22:37he'd defend me to the end.
22:39He's the most loyal man in the world.
22:43Mum was forever messing him around
22:45and he never said a word against her,
22:47even when she was really bad.
22:49He was, like, totally calm.
22:51He rose above it, you know, he wouldn't talk about her.
22:54I'm a big disappointment to him in a lot of ways, I realise that.
22:58But he's the accepting type.
23:00He's such a sweet bloke.
23:13Now you can feel how smooth the engine is, can't you?
23:18Superb engine, this.
23:20And the great thing about these old engines
23:23is that they're so simple, there's very little that could go wrong with them.
23:26Cars like this, you treat them well, they'll last you forever.
23:29Yes, yes, but there are a couple of things I was worried about
23:31when I gave it a look over last week.
23:33I noticed a bit of rust on the sills and some on the chassis, perhaps.
23:37I don't think you would have found rust,
23:39but we'll give that a look when we get back to the showroom.
23:42Yes, but I think I can tell rust when I see it, though.
23:45So where do you live, Mr Metcalf?
23:47Chelsea, but the car will actually live in the country
23:50at my parents' house in Wiltshire.
23:52It's getting too risky to keep a good car in London,
23:54so I'll have a VW Golf for time.
23:56Lovely.
24:07So what do you think?
24:09Well, as I said, I had my doubts about the manual,
24:12and I did start off looking for a DB5 automatic.
24:15So there are a couple of problems.
24:18Hmm. Well, it's a pity, you know,
24:21because, as I say, it's a superb little car.
24:23I'll tell you what, I'll go and fetch you the car history.
24:30DOOR CLOSES
24:36You know, Mr Metcalf,
24:38you're not going to find an automatic for under £100.
24:41And even for £100, you're talking about something
24:43that will be nowhere near the condition of this car.
24:47Know a lot about cars, do you?
24:51I know a bit.
24:53I tell you what,
24:55why don't we take a look at those sills
24:57that were worrying you, mate?
25:04Oh, no, Mr Metcalf.
25:06There's no rust here.
25:08Come and have a look.
25:12Now, see, there's a bit of weathering,
25:14but, I mean, that's inevitable.
25:16No, this isn't rust.
25:18This is called coagulation accumulation.
25:21Oh, is it?
25:23Definitely.
25:25I wonder who did the work on this car.
25:27I believe it was a mechanic called Alex Hartley.
25:30Hartley did this?
25:32Oh, no wonder.
25:34He always does a wonderful job on the Astons.
25:37No, this really is a mint.
25:40You're a very lucky man to get this for £90,000.
25:44Um, 80, I think.
25:47Sorry, did you say 80?
25:49Yes, that's what your father told me.
25:53Will you excuse me a moment, please?
25:58Hello, Kent speaking.
26:02Oh, hello, Janet. What do you want now?
26:05Yeah.
26:07Yeah. Hang on a minute.
26:13What are you doing?
26:15Don't worry, Dad.
26:17It's just a little joke I'm playing.
26:19Could you stop it, please?
26:21I think I'm running a madhouse here.
26:23Oh.
26:33I'm terribly sorry, Mr Metcalfe.
26:35There seems to have been a little mistake.
26:38The price should have been 90.
26:40Oh, well, that really is out of the question.
26:42Yeah, but you can see our problem.
26:44A car like this shouldn't go for under 90.
26:47At 80, we're not even breaking even.
26:50Listen.
26:52This is very embarrassing,
26:54and I don't want you to go away
26:56thinking this is an unprofessional operation.
26:59If you were quoted 80,
27:01you'll have to have it for 80.
27:03Oh, but...
27:05No, no, no, no, no.
27:07If that's what Dad told you,
27:09I don't want to go and start changing the prices around.
27:11It's just that sometimes he reads the stock list wrong, bless him.
27:14It breaks my heart, but...
27:17I suppose you'll have to have it for 80.
27:19Gosh, really?
27:20Don't say anything to Dad, all right?
27:22He gets a little upset when he makes mistakes like this.
27:26Right.
27:28Here's the car history.
27:30Now, I know you're getting edgy about the manual thing,
27:33but what you have to remember
27:35is that you're buying a much rarer car
27:37when you buy this version of the DB6.
27:39There were only 37 of them made.
27:41Yes, now, look, I've been thinking about this,
27:44and I do like it,
27:46and as you say, it's a very smooth drive,
27:48but there's one or two things I'll want doing.
27:52I'd like the speakers taken out at the back
27:55and the panels replaced.
28:01And I'd like someone to have another look at the water pump.
28:04But...
28:06I'd like to have it.
28:11Uh-huh.
28:13I'd like to discuss payment...
28:15No, OK, OK, I'll tell you what.
28:17I'll get on to Alex on Monday,
28:19and I'm sure he could do all the necessary work
28:21within the next fortnight,
28:23but I'll ring you beginning of next week
28:25and confirm all that with you.
28:27Super. OK. Speak to you then.
28:29Thanks very much.
28:31Right. Goodbye.
28:33Goodbye, then.
28:35Goodbye, Mr Metcalf.
28:37Happy birthday.
28:43Bye.
28:45HE LAUGHS
28:47Dad!
28:49Now, is your dad a brilliant salesman or what?
28:51Oh, yeah, yeah, you're brilliant.
29:02Hello. Thank you.
29:07It's, er...
29:09Cheers, Dad.
29:14Oh.
29:18Would you care for an aperitif, sir?
29:22Yes, please.
29:24Whiskey and soda.
29:26And your wife, sir?
29:28No, no, no. No, no.
29:30No, she's not my wife.
29:32No, I'm his mistress.
29:34And I'll have a champagne cocktail, please.
29:36What did you say that for?
29:38Well, Kenny, you really ought to start acknowledging me in public.
29:41If you really loved me,
29:43you wouldn't care who knew you had a mistress.
29:45You do love me, don't you, Kenny?
29:47Stop it, please.
29:49All right.
29:51I'll be a good girl.
29:54Mayonaise.
29:58Psst, psst.
30:00Psst.
30:30Psst.
31:00Ah...
31:09Sips, sips, sips...
31:21All right, cornflakes.
31:23Nice, good...
31:25Chocpops.
31:27One mouthful of those and you wrinkle up and die immediately.
31:30They've got about 50 million additives.
31:32How about some brownflakes?
31:34Oh, come on, Kitty.
31:36Sweetheart. Lover.
31:38No.
31:40Shredded wheat.
31:42Why don't we get something nice for breakfast, something we want to eat?
31:45Robert, shredded wheat is nutritious and delicious,
31:48and that's what we're going to have.
31:50No.
31:58Hey, Kitty.
32:00Do you think these have got additives too?
32:02No.
32:08I am not leaving this shop unless you buy me popcorn.
32:1951.65, please.
32:2710, 20, 40...
32:33Shit. I've only got 40 pounds.
32:35Bobby, have you got any money?
32:37No.
32:39Oh, fuck.
32:41Listen, I'm really sorry, we're going to have to put some stuff back.
32:44I'm sorry.
32:46God, this is so embarrassing. Bobby, will you give me a hand, please?
32:49Just put back the non-essential things, all right?
32:54No, not that.
32:56What do you think they are, luxuries or something?
32:59Well, no, but do you really need pity of them?
33:01Yes.
33:09Will you ask me if my intentions are honourable?
33:12Probably.
33:14Bobby, it'll be fine.
33:16Talk to him about football.
33:18I hate football.
33:20Well, boxing then, but keep off the subject of mum
33:22and don't get him onto cars or we'll all die of boredom.
33:25Are you going to give me a hand?
33:27I'll take your purse.
33:56Bobby!
33:58Will you come and help me, please?
34:09Bobby, what are you doing in there?
34:11Give me a break, Kate.
34:13What do you think you're doing?
34:19I'm not doing anything.
34:21What are you doing?
34:31Oh, God.
34:33Please don't do this to me tonight.
34:38Oh, Bobby, open the door.
34:40Open the door, Bobby!
34:42Open the door!
34:51Oh, you...
34:54..bastard.
34:57You...
34:59..stupid...
35:01..fucking...
35:03..bastard! I asked you just once!
35:06Just this once!
35:08Fuck you!
35:10Fuck you!
35:16Let me dead see you like this.
35:21Yeah.
35:34Hello, Dad. Yeah, it's me.
35:38Dad, listen, I think I'm going to call off this evening.
35:42Well, I've got a really bad headache.
35:45It's like a migraine or something.
35:47Yeah, it's terrible.
35:51It's such short notice.
35:54Yeah, well, he was looking forward to meeting you too.
35:58We'll do it some other time, OK?
36:01No, Bobby said he'd come over and look after me.
36:03It's better not to have too many people around.
36:06Listen, Dad, I've really got to go.
36:08I don't feel too good.
36:10I'll call you tomorrow, OK?
36:13Me too. Bye.
36:18Kate.
36:20Kate. Yes.
36:28I'm sorry.
36:41It's just that...
36:44..I'd like to be able to introduce you to people.
36:48Friends and stuff.
36:50Without you getting out of your head.
36:55What am I supposed to say?
36:57This is Bobby, my boyfriend.
37:00He's a junkie, but apart from that, he's a clean living guy.
37:11Kate.
37:14You won't leave me, will you?
37:18No.
37:23Please don't ever leave me.
37:32I'll never leave you.
37:40The first time I met Baldy,
37:42we were both waiting for the phone at Waterloo Station.
37:45I was trying to ring Bobby,
37:47and he was trying to get hold of someone to put him up for the night
37:50cos he'd been chucked out of his squat.
37:52Anyway, we got chatting, and he ended up on my settee that night.
37:55After that, we saw each other all the time.
37:58And when we met each other's friends,
38:00they always tended to assume there was something sexual going on.
38:03But the truth is, there wasn't.
38:05Honestly, we never even kissed.
38:07I mean, not in the romantic way.
38:09Baldy tends to go for these girly types,
38:11you know, little monsters in high heels.
38:13With a neon sign flashing, Bimbo, Bimbo.
38:16So we're not very well matched couple, really.
38:20Baldy's my best friend,
38:22but he'd drive me mad as a lover.
38:25I can't imagine what it would be like.
38:27It just wouldn't work.
38:29He's the person I tell almost everything to.
38:32Apart from the stuff about Bobby,
38:34which I didn't let him know about at the time.
38:36And he's given me all his secrets.
38:38And he's the person most guaranteed to crack me up.
38:41He says I crack him up.
38:43He says I'm the most foolish woman he's ever met.
38:50There you are.
38:52Baldy.
38:55So drink up
38:57All you people
39:02Order anything you see
39:06Have fun
39:08Have fun
39:10You happy people
39:13The drink and the laugh on me
39:21Pardon me
39:23But I
39:26Got drunk
39:30The facts uncommonly clear
39:37Yeah
39:41I gotta find
39:44Who's now
39:46The number one
39:49And why
39:51My eight lives
39:54Ain't fair
40:00Excuse me
40:02Why I disappear
40:09Well, what we have saved, Baldy.
40:11Saved, guys. Saved.
40:13We dig it, man. Yeah.
40:15Frank Sinatra, man.
40:16Eat your heart out. Yeah, Baldy.
40:18My pal Baldy. Yeah.
40:20It's the greatest song, man.
40:22It's gonna go all the way.
40:24And now we have the next number
40:26for you to do a rubber-dub-dub.
40:28Yes, sir.
40:30No, listen, I promise you, Baldy.
40:32She said to me, she said it.
40:33She said, I think he's really sexy.
40:35No, no, honestly.
40:37And then I said to her, well,
40:39I've heard that he's really good in bed.
40:41And then she said to me, she said,
40:43really, really. No, I am lying.
40:45Absolutely.
40:46So I think you're definitely called there.
40:48Definitely called.
40:49So why you never get her number for me then?
40:51Listen, shit-face, I'll be your roadie,
40:53but I'm not gonna start acting as your pimp, all right?
40:55Anyway, she wasn't your type.
40:57My type? No, she wasn't your type.
40:59What I say, I decide, okay?
41:03We're gonna get demoted!
41:08Oh, Jesus!
41:10The willy's going to drop off!
41:12Oh, my God!
41:14No, please!
41:16Oh, it's so hot!
41:18No!
41:24Why did I do that?
41:29Oh, my God!
41:34Oh, I'm gonna die.
41:52Jack sounds like a jerk to me.
41:55Yeah, that's what he is pretty much.
41:59Can I meet him?
42:01Oh, Baldy, don't be dumb.
42:03What would you have to say to each other?
42:05Anyway, you just want to meet him
42:07so you can make fun of me.
42:09Oh, it's not true.
42:11I just want to see what he's like.
42:14Shit.
42:16Not just that.
42:18Do you think he would be my defence lawyer
42:20when they finally get ready to chuck me out of the country?
42:22Oh, shut up.
42:24They're not gonna chuck you out of the country.
42:26One of these days, the immigration people are gonna turn up,
42:28chuck me into a little suitcase
42:30and send me home.
42:32Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
42:34You'll be living here when you're 90.
42:38Why didn't Bobby come along tonight?
42:40Because he wasn't feeling very well.
42:43Anyway, I wanted to see you on my own.
42:46That's what you always say.
42:49I mean, what is it?
42:52Are you ashamed of me or something?
42:54Yeah, that's what it is.
42:56I reckon you cramped my style, Baldy.
42:59Well, then.
43:01You must be ashamed of him.
43:03Fuck off.
43:05So what is it?
43:07Does he wear flares or something?
43:09No.
43:10Well, how come you never let me meet any of your boyfriends?
43:13Because I don't hang out with Jack.
43:15I go to bed with him.
43:17And Bobby's an antisocial bastard.
43:20Now, why don't you sing me a lullaby?
43:22To send me to sleep.
43:26Mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm
43:30Mmm-hmm-hmm tomorrow
43:35Good night, sweetheart
43:40Sleep will banish sorrow
43:47Tears imparting
43:51May make us forlorn
43:56But with the dawn
44:00A new day is born
44:08Good night, sweetheart
44:17Good night, sweetheart
44:36Who is it?
44:38It's me, Dad.
44:41Dad, what are you doing here?
44:45What's the matter?
44:49Katie, I'm sorry. I think I've had one too many.
44:52Dad, it's all right. Come in.
44:54Come on. Come in.
44:56Here we go.
44:58I'll make you some coffee.
45:04You need to...
45:06Come here. Come on. Come here.
45:08Go sit down.
45:11You stay here, and I'll go and put the kettle on, all right?
45:20Where have you been tonight to get in such a state?
45:23Oh, you know, just a couple of pubs.
45:29God, Katie, they don't often play the music loudly in pubs these days, do they?
45:34What were you doing in pubs, Dad?
45:41Is there something the matter?
45:43Am I disturbing you?
45:45I mean, I don't know why I came here, bothering you...
45:48when you've got your own life to lead.
45:51I always said you should let them go because...
45:54all the chicks leave the nest one day, don't they?
45:58No, I was just in the area and...
46:03I wanted to see my little girl.
46:06I wanted to see my little girl.
46:13And now I'm here making a nuisance of myself...
46:16spoiling all your fun.
46:18Oh, Dad, shut up.
46:20What are you talking about? You're not spoiling anybody's fun.
46:27Here you are, Dad.
46:29Drink this.
46:36So where's Mum tonight?
46:38Your mother's a lovely woman.
46:41Yeah, she's all right.
46:43Was it one of Mum's classes tonight?
46:46What is it, Thursday? Thursday.
46:49It's her pottery class.
46:55It's all because I once said she didn't have any hobbies.
47:00No, she was always going on about the cars and me being too busy to...
47:05you know, and...
47:07I said to her, Janet, what you need is a hobby of your own.
47:11Well...
47:13she wouldn't stop.
47:15I mean, first it was French classes, then it was yoga classes,
47:19then it was...
47:23Aerobics.
47:25Aer... Aerobics.
47:28Then she said she's going to enrol for self-defence classes.
47:33Yeah.
47:35That's Mum.
47:37I said to her, Janet, what do you need to defend yourself against?
47:43Well, I meant it as a joke, but...
47:47she didn't take it well, Katie.
47:50She said, I'm still an attractive woman.
47:52You know, well, she is.
47:55And I never said she weren't.
47:58Well...
48:01I'm just a bloody fool, really.
48:06I think I've missed it up, Katie.
48:11How have you missed it up?
48:16Dad, you and Mum aren't thinking of...
48:19I'm a very selfish man, and I admit it, but I don't want to be on my own.
48:25Dad, it's Mum.
48:27I'm not the bachelor type, am I, Katie?
48:29Dad, has Mum left you?
48:32What?
48:34Has Mum left you?
48:36No.
48:38But she says she's thinking about it.
48:41She says she would have left.
48:44But she stayed for your sake.
48:46Oh, charming.
48:49How do I win her heart back, Katie?
48:51Oh, Dad.
48:55I don't know. I mean...
48:58It's something you've got to work out for yourselves, haven't you?
49:02It's between the two of you.
49:04I was thinking if I took her out for a night or...
49:08to the theatre or something.
49:10That sounds nice.
49:13Well, the pictures, there was a time we went every Friday.
49:18Dad.
49:21Perhaps you'd better sleep here.
49:52Katie?
49:54Yeah?
49:56I could say it with flowers.
49:58What do you say?
50:00Hmm?
50:02Yeah, maybe.
50:04It's all right in the morning, all right.
50:06Hmm.
50:10I don't know.
50:15I don't know.
50:17I don't know.
50:19I don't know.
50:50Is that it?
50:52Is that what you want?
50:57Sometimes I think you're made of bloody eyes.
51:19I don't know.
51:49I don't know.
51:58I was actually trying to start a conversation.
52:04Oh, no.
52:10Now, how are the men?
52:13How's Jack?
52:15He's all right.
52:17Darling, you are a bore.
52:19I'm learning spicy, to tell me.
52:21I'm sorry to disappoint you, but no, nothing.
52:26I've got all sorts of delicious gossip for you.
52:33First on the agenda...
52:36being...
52:39that I'm going to have an abortion.
52:41You're pregnant.
52:43A frightful fuck-up, but there you go.
52:45I was rather looking forward to going into hospital,
52:48swanning around in my lovely little Janet Reagan nightie,
52:52but they insist that I don't have to stay in overnight.
52:55Apparently, they do these things in a matter of seconds these days.
52:59Just a quick whisk around with the hoover.
53:02Oh, darling, there's no point in mourning about it, is there?
53:07My only regret is...