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Welcome to Super Cult Cinema, where classic movies meet contemporary classics! Dive into a world of timeless films, spanning decades and genres, curated for cinephiles like you. From Hollywood classics to international masterpieces, we've got it all. Join us as we celebrate the art of cinema and explore the stories that have captured our hearts and minds for generations. Subscribe now to embark on a journey through the rich tapestry of cinematic history. Don't miss out on our latest uploads, exclusive content, and curated playlists. Get ready to experience the magic of movies like never before with Super Cult Cinema!
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00I
00:01:30You
00:01:49So it's 6 p.m. In the nighttime, which is when I wake up this is always really scary part for me
00:02:00I
00:02:10Really love living in a flatting situation wake up
00:02:13Wake up, everyone. I
00:02:16Like to hang out with other vampires. I like to company
00:02:22Awakened
00:02:24awakey-wakey, I
00:02:26Just really like having a good time with my friends
00:02:36How was your night last night I
00:02:39Transformed into a dog and had sex
00:02:42cool
00:02:43We're gonna have a little flat meeting in the kitchen about 15 minutes. Okay?
00:02:48Okay. Okay, so I close this. Yes
00:02:56Sorry, sorry
00:03:03What hey, what time is it
00:03:06We're going to have a flat meeting in about 10 minutes 20, okay
00:03:26So in Peter's room, I'm just going to wake him up
00:03:49Peter
00:03:57Wake up
00:04:00Hey, listen, we're just having a flat meeting upstairs in about 10 minutes
00:04:05You don't have to come but I thought I'd extend an invitation to you. Just in case
00:04:11It's a lot of stuff on the floor down here Peter
00:04:18It's a spinal column, yeah
00:04:20And I was thinking maybe I should just bring a broom down here for you
00:04:25If you wanted to sweep up some of these skellingtons, I don't know
00:04:43It is
00:04:448,000 years old. We're not going to have Peter at the meeting. Okay, so I
00:04:49Wanted to have a quick chat about flat responsibilities because
00:04:54Guys, I think that we're not all pulling our weight here. We're not just pointing the finger at you Deacon
00:05:00You're a cool guy, but you're not pulling your weight in the flat. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. I'm cool
00:05:07No, that's not the point. Oh, yeah
00:05:10Meeting about how cool you are. I do my flat chores. No, you don't
00:05:14Why we're having the flat meeting the point is thinking that you have not done the dishes for five years
00:05:20It's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like this
00:05:25I'm so embarrassed when people come over you bring them over you kill them
00:05:30Vampires don't do dishes
00:05:32Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire. He's always doing crazy things saying crazy things
00:05:40He's just like the young bad boy of the group, okay, so
00:05:47One day I was
00:05:49Selling my wares and I walked past this old creepy castle and I look at it and think
00:05:57Very old and creepy and then this creature flies at me
00:06:02it dragged me back to this dark dungeon and
00:06:06beat into my neck and
00:06:09Just at the point of death this creature forced me to suck its foul blood and
00:06:16Then it opened its wings like this and hovered above me
00:06:22screeching
00:06:25Now you are vampire and it was Peter
00:06:33And we're still friends today
00:06:35Glad you were great you put out the recycling which was really cool
00:06:40And the other day I dragged the man's body down the hallway and noticed that there was no dust
00:06:48Like I kind of I kind of swept the hallway
00:06:52Vladislav is just like this older vampire who grew up in the medieval times and
00:06:58You know to be living this long and to seen the things that he's seen
00:07:03And still like kind of happen together, I mean hats off to him
00:07:12He's a really great guy a bit of a pervert
00:07:16He has some pretty old ideas about things. We should get some slaves
00:07:22when I first became a
00:07:24Vampire, I was quite the tyrannical. I was known for
00:07:29torturing a lot of people
00:07:33This is my torture chamber I
00:07:38Don't come in here often anymore. I
00:07:41Tended to torture when I was in a bad place
00:07:45My thing was I would poke someone with implements. I was known as Vladislav the poker
00:07:55It's been like this the whole time okay, so we are go with a little
00:08:00But dandy the washing and the rubbish I did that Deacon on dishes and it still hasn't moved in five years
00:08:07He was an 18th century
00:08:10Dandy so he can be very fussy
00:08:13Negs and negs the lounge yesterday and there was blood all over my nice antique couch
00:08:20Which one's the red one?
00:08:22Well, it's red now
00:08:23If you're going to eat a victim on my nice green couch put us a newspaper on the floor and some towels
00:08:29It's not hard to do
00:08:31We don't put down towels
00:08:35vampires do
00:08:38When you get the four vampires in a flat
00:08:42Obviously, there's going to be a lot of tension this tension in any any flatting situation. It's settled then
00:08:48We'd all do our jobs starting with a certain beacon. I will do my dishes
00:09:15This bullshit
00:09:18You
00:09:43Don't sing if you want to live long they have no use for your song
00:09:48You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead and out of this world
00:09:55We became a vampire when I was 16
00:09:59That is why I always look 16
00:10:02In those days, of course life was tough for a 16 year old. You'll never get a second chance
00:10:09plan all your
00:10:12Stay
00:10:15Stay dead and out of this world
00:10:17Vampires have had a pretty bad rap. We're not these
00:10:21Mopey old creatures who live in castles and for some most of us are a lot
00:10:26Ah, but there are also those of us who like to flat together in really small countries like New Zealand
00:10:33Ever talk with your eyes
00:10:43I was a Nazi vampire
00:10:53After the war which the Nazis lost I
00:10:56Don't know, you know that the Nazis lost that war if you were a Nazi after the war
00:11:02and
00:11:03if you were a vampire and
00:11:07If you were a Nazi vampire no way I was out of there
00:11:14Long gone
00:11:31When you smile and it tears your face it's time for the inhuman race
00:11:37You're down. You're down. You're down. You're down and out of this world
00:11:44You
00:11:59Yeah, I came to this country for love
00:12:02there was a girl human girl and
00:12:06I
00:12:08Thought she was fantastic. She was
00:12:10Absolutely amazing I was smitten her family emigrated to New Zealand and
00:12:18I thought you know what to hell with it. I'm gonna go I'm going to chase her and tell her how I feel
00:12:24I told my servant Philip send me to New Zealand
00:12:28He put the wrong postage on my coffin. So the whole journey took about 18 months
00:12:35And
00:12:37When I got here she had found someone else
00:12:43She had fallen in love and
00:12:47She was married
00:13:00She gave me this before she left
00:13:02There she is
00:13:05That's me I put myself in there, too
00:13:10She told me it was pure silver
00:13:13Unfortunately, we vampires cannot wear silver
00:13:33I
00:13:43Bought as long as I can wear that
00:14:02I
00:14:11Tonight we are going out into Wellington Central. It is important that we look good. Yeah, it's really good
00:14:18Yeah, like one of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection is that you?
00:14:23Don't know exactly what you look like
00:14:26We can give each other feedback and help each other out until we're looking great
00:14:32Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then you see those are some nice pants
00:14:39Do with these change it when you're a vampire. You become very sexy
00:14:45Trying to attract victims to us not sure about the waistcoat I go for a look which I call dead but delicious
00:14:52We are the bait, but we also the trap. Hello ladies
00:15:05I
00:15:07Hello ladies
00:15:31We are ready to go into town and party
00:15:38I
00:15:45Let me go into town you must try to blend in
00:15:50Coming into town. It's really cool because just for one brief moment. I feel
00:15:55I
00:16:06Have to be invited in to go in
00:16:17Humans found out that we were
00:16:19ever destroy us
00:16:21They're between 60 and 70 vampires in the greater, Wellington region
00:16:39Being bitten as a little boy or a little girl you're always going to look the same age
00:16:51Because vampire owned and operated and so we can always give in it's the hottest night spot for vampires
00:17:11Perhaps you could bring some people to the house sure, but I have some virgins
00:17:16Virgins yeah, okay, any kind of preference in terms of gender or maybe some ladies. Yep ladies
00:17:23perhaps a guy
00:17:25One of each one of each would be cool my relationship with Deacon is
00:17:31Well, I'm his familiar. He's my master
00:17:34He tells me what to do. I do it
00:17:39We have that kind of master-servant relationship, which works nicely actually hello
00:17:43It's a little bit of blood and my husband. He's a hemophiliac
00:17:48You know someone that bleeds a lot
00:17:50Any kind of age range young, but not not kids not kids
00:17:5618 to 30
00:17:58Definitely younger than yourself, okay, so 18 to 30 so it's a dinner party. I'll be there. Yes your dinner party guys
00:18:06I'll be there. We'll all be there dress up, okay, and then eat them
00:18:11Okay should be fun great. I was just wondering if we could talk about the you will know every night
00:18:16Dentist because I had this thing here. I just wonder if we can talk about the deal
00:18:22Hmm the deal the dishes no the
00:18:27The deal is that he is going to give me eternal life
00:18:31which is
00:18:34Very exciting well
00:18:36I just feel like I've kind of reached my potential
00:18:37And I wouldn't want to kind of get any older before kind of I just feel like I'm the best version of myself that
00:18:42I can be yes
00:18:43It's been four and a half years, and I just I just but it's doing you think your pot plants and then your dry cleaning
00:18:47I'm just now doing it your dishes that I'm doing and the dentist and it's just taking an awful long time
00:18:53So it's just when we go
00:18:56See you later, okay
00:19:08One of the most unfortunate things about being a vampire is that
00:19:14You have to drink human blood. I like to make a real evening of it
00:19:19Play some music. Maybe give them some nice wine. It's their last moment alive, so why not make it a nice experience
00:19:30So tell me what you do, what do you I'm thinking about going to uni actually oh you are
00:19:38Oh
00:19:40University yeah, yeah, but after that I'm gonna travel
00:19:45Yeah, really wanted to go overseas for ages so saving up, and I'm gonna go to Spain and Italy
00:19:53London and yeah
00:19:57Okay
00:19:59Just put it there
00:20:25Well that didn't go so great
00:20:28I hit the main artery
00:20:32So yes the real mess in there
00:20:36On the upside I think she had a really good time
00:20:57So it's quite late, and I've managed to find a woman up watching television and
00:21:04She seems like she'd be a good victim
00:21:07I'm just going to use hypnosis on her
00:21:13See me
00:21:17See me
00:21:21She can't she can't see me from that angle
00:21:24Ladislav used to be extremely powerful. He could hypnotize crowds of people
00:21:29Great orgies 20 30 women he could turn into all sorts of animals, but now he never gets the faces, right?
00:21:36He would kill anybody man woman
00:21:39children
00:21:40burning
00:21:42Everything is totally great, but he suffered a humiliating defeat at the hands of his arch nemesis
00:21:50the Beast
00:21:54And
00:22:00He's never been the same
00:22:17Would you like to come inside
00:22:23Oh
00:22:44Jackie welcome come in
00:22:47This is Nick
00:22:48XX boyfriend and Josephine and this is Deacon my overseas friend from Europe Deacon and his friends need
00:22:57victims hi
00:23:00They can't be people that I
00:23:04Actually invest in or like because of course they will become victims hi
00:23:09Josephine no I sat next to you in English remember
00:23:13And you used to call me the jacks assist
00:23:16No, you did. No you did. Yeah, now you started that
00:23:20You were the one that started calling me there, and they never and then it kind of caught on
00:23:24Yeah
00:23:25Okay, bye then
00:23:26But she's in
00:23:33You like that me
00:23:36I
00:23:38Will go and prepare dinner
00:23:43Oh
00:23:47What doesn't seem like
00:23:54You're a virgin when we were seeing each other yeah, I was 12 you said he was a virgin
00:23:58I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool
00:24:02I think of it like this if you're going to eat a sandwich
00:24:07You would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it. Let's concentrate on Josephine
00:24:13Then are you a virgin? I'm not no okay?
00:24:17I'm really sorry because I totally pinned her as a virgin she looks like a virgin she talks like a virgin I mean
00:24:25We would have sex with her. I wouldn't I
00:24:28would
00:24:37Do you would like biscotti
00:24:39Yep, usually like it, but be better for this one
00:24:43So this is my favorite trick. We present our guests with a plate of biscotti and
00:24:49Then I will say why don't you eat some biscotti?
00:24:53Please Nick eat some biscotti I
00:24:58Didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms
00:25:01Nick
00:25:05There's worms we're going around
00:25:09We stole that idea from the lost boys, but I put a nice twist on it Nick
00:25:14How did it feel to have a snake for a penis?
00:25:20Jackie my penis has disappeared
00:25:27No, it is just a normal penis
00:25:30I'm out
00:25:33Josephine you would like biscotti
00:25:38Look at this freaks quite my spaghetti you'd make my cock turn into a snake. That's not cool
00:25:51Don't think this is weird
00:26:00Oh
00:26:30Oh
00:26:49Where am I
00:27:00Oh
00:27:02Oh
00:27:28Break
00:27:32Oh
00:27:39No Peter got him
00:28:02Oh
00:28:33Oh
00:28:46Guys
00:28:48Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing me coming to the house?
00:28:55Hi, my name is Nick guys, I've been a vampire for two months
00:28:59Probably I reckon the best thing about being a vampire is flying
00:29:03Like I've always wanted to I think everyone's always wanted to fly and now I can do it
00:29:18Nick why don't you use the front door?
00:29:21Why would I I'm flying?
00:29:23Peter bit me sucked all my blood out. I woke up in his basement and
00:29:28He offered me some blood. I just thought it was something some German thing that these guys do
00:29:33The transition into becoming a vampire was pretty hard. I
00:29:37Look like shit to start off with like I had a massive gash in my neck
00:29:41But you can see the inside of my neck had blood all over my top
00:29:45And then I came home and I was sweating. I was either really hot or really cold
00:29:50It was like a hangover times 10. I reckon it was really bad
00:29:59It was quite similar to having the flu except the only difference would probably be that my eyes bleed heaps
00:30:07Are you guys not cold?
00:30:09I don't know. I can't explain it. Like it's just you just real hot and cold and like bloody eyes and flying stuff
00:30:15The neighbors can see you flying around the house. You want to draw attention to this house?
00:30:20Hmm, you've got a whole documentary crew following you around. I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends and you ruined it
00:30:25I was in the zone. My friends are loving it. I saw the end of it look great
00:30:30I don't I don't know if I'm being if I'm accepted yet, but I don't know. I think it's getting there
00:30:35I know the oldest stuff, but they're quite naive when it comes to the real world
00:30:39So, I don't know. I'll be cool to just hang out with them. They can teach me some stuff
00:30:44I can probably teach them a few things
00:30:46At the start, I was like, oh no, I'm dead. It's kind of affected my friendship with normal people, my family and stuff, but the way I see it, I've got a whole new family. They accept me for who I am and I accept them for who they are. Even though one of them killed me.
00:31:11Where shall we go tonight?
00:31:13Let's go to the big kumara. Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland?
00:31:15You never get into Boogie Wonderland.
00:31:17My friend Richard's a bouncer. He can get us in.
00:31:19What, really? He'll invite us in.
00:31:21Stu's here. Stu loves it.
00:31:23Cool, that's Stu.
00:31:25This is my friend Stu.
00:31:27He works in computers and stuff.
00:31:29Originally, he went out with my sister and then they broke up.
00:31:32I don't really get into it. It's got nothing to do with me.
00:31:35And, um, you can't hear me.
00:31:39So basically, Stu doesn't know that I'm a vampire.
00:31:43And he doesn't know that my friends are vampires.
00:31:45He just thinks that I've just met some colourful friends.
00:31:48This is Jasmine.
00:31:50I brought him round to the house and I thought I'd bought a meal for everyone.
00:31:53Just like, it really, really sucks that I can't eat him.
00:31:58I just want to like, ahhh.
00:32:01Look at it. He's the reddest guy I know.
00:32:04Alright, you can hear me.
00:32:06You can hear me.
00:32:08Oh yeah, like computer-based stuff, eh?
00:32:10Yeah, yeah. Geo-databases.
00:32:12Yeah, yeah, like computers mainly.
00:32:15Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland or the Big Coomera.
00:32:19Big Coomera.
00:32:27I don't think Nick should have been turned into a vampire.
00:32:31He's such a dick.
00:32:34How are you, brother?
00:32:35Looking great, man.
00:32:36Gentlemen, you are most welcome.
00:32:46We're at Boogie Wonderland!
00:32:48So here we are at Boogie Wonderland.
00:32:51And it is so much fun.
00:32:54They have an electric floor.
00:32:56This is amazing!
00:32:57I'm just so happy to be here.
00:32:59This place is pretty cheesy.
00:33:01Also, did you see the jacket he wore?
00:33:04He's wearing the same jacket as me.
00:33:06It's not exactly the same. It's pretty close.
00:33:15Awesome, mate.
00:33:16I'm just loving being a vampire clown.
00:33:24Over there is the Fat Lady's Arms.
00:33:26On Wednesdays they do like a fair factor competition.
00:33:29You can win like T-shirts and hats and spot prizes.
00:33:32I can smell werewolves.
00:33:34We're just about to walk past a werewolf so some shit might go down.
00:33:38Look out, guys. Don't catch fleas.
00:33:41What's that, mate?
00:33:42Keep going. Keep walking.
00:33:44We heard that, mate. We've got sensitive hearing.
00:33:46Have you?
00:33:47What are you filming? Some music video, is it?
00:33:49We don't want any trouble.
00:33:51I do.
00:33:52Have I got your heckles up, huh?
00:33:54Why don't you go smell your own crutches, huh?
00:33:57What are you talking about?
00:33:58We don't smell our own crutches.
00:34:00We smell each other's crutches and it's a form of greeting.
00:34:03You're on camera, mate. Don't do it.
00:34:05What? It's okay because I know this guy.
00:34:07It's Count Fagula.
00:34:09Hey, hey, hey. Don't swear.
00:34:11Sorry.
00:34:12We're werewolves.
00:34:13What are we?
00:34:14Werewolves, not swears.
00:34:16No.
00:34:17It's a very offensive word to call people.
00:34:19Well, unless you're talking about a bundle of sticks.
00:34:22This bundle of sticks.
00:34:24Werewolves.
00:34:25Don't get it.
00:34:26It's not real.
00:34:27He's just going to take off his gloves.
00:34:29Ah, shit, man.
00:34:30What the fuck you do that for?
00:34:31Hey, don't swear.
00:34:32We're going to lose it.
00:34:33We're going to lose it.
00:34:34Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:35Hey, calm down.
00:34:36Calm down.
00:34:37I should have stuck on my glasses.
00:34:38Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:39Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:40Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:34:43Do the breathing.
00:34:44Do the breathing.
00:34:45Do the breathing.
00:34:46Count to ten, mate.
00:34:47Come on.
00:34:48Human again.
00:34:49Count to ten.
00:34:50Human again.
00:34:51It's all right.
00:34:52It's not full moon.
00:34:53Thanks a lot, guys.
00:34:54Enjoy your night.
00:34:55You should have shamed yourselves, man.
00:34:56It's all right.
00:34:57We didn't want this to happen.
00:34:58Woo, woo, woo.
00:34:59Woo, woo, woo.
00:35:00Woo, woo, woo.
00:35:01Come on, guys.
00:35:02Hey, say it.
00:35:03Don't spray it, bitch.
00:35:04Why are you swearing all the time?
00:35:05Well, he rivaled me.
00:35:06Was it actually werewolves?
00:35:07Yeah.
00:35:08Are you OK, Stu?
00:35:09I just don't really know how to approach this, because I've never done it before.
00:35:23And he is a good friend.
00:35:24And I don't want to break that friendship, but then again, what do you do when someone
00:35:30tells you that they're a vampire?
00:35:32I'm expecting him to be angry.
00:35:34He might be scared.
00:35:35I'm expecting a lot of things to bubble to the surface.
00:35:38You've probably noticed I've been going through a few changes lately.
00:35:44Yeah.
00:35:45Yeah?
00:35:46Yeah.
00:35:47Like, I don't show up for lunch anymore.
00:35:50Yeah.
00:35:51Yeah.
00:35:52And how I've changed all our tennis games to night-time tennis games.
00:35:57Right.
00:35:58And how you went from beating me every time, and how I've won the last three.
00:36:05Yeah.
00:36:06So the reason I brought you here is to tell you that I'm a vampire.
00:36:18Stu took it pretty well.
00:36:20He's definitely my best mate, and I'm not going to eat him.
00:36:23If they ever offer you spaghetti, you shouldn't eat it.
00:36:28I think they offered me biscotti.
00:36:31Vampire mates don't eat human mates.
00:36:33And no matter how much I wanted to eat him, I would never eat him, because he's my mate.
00:36:37Eh, Stu?
00:36:38Yeah.
00:36:39Yeah.
00:36:43Stu is great.
00:36:46We really like him.
00:36:48At first, I wanted to kill him.
00:36:50But now, I'm glad I spent the time to get to know him.
00:36:54Yeah, of course, he looks delicious with his big red cheeks.
00:36:58But we've all got an agreement that we're not going to eat Stu.
00:37:02Right?
00:37:03Right.
00:37:04The guys upstairs, they're loving him.
00:37:07At the start, they were a bit, oh, who's this human you bring into the house?
00:37:10But it took them literally two minutes, and they like him more than they like me, I reckon.
00:37:14I am knitting a scarf for Stu.
00:37:17Try and attack.
00:37:18Use your legs.
00:37:21Wow.
00:37:22Step back and block.
00:37:23High.
00:37:24Okay, and punching high.
00:37:26Yep.
00:37:27High.
00:37:28Yep.
00:37:29I'm just, what I'm trying to say is, because I know that you turned me into a vampire,
00:37:33maybe don't do that to him.
00:37:35He's a vegetarian.
00:37:37The last thing he'd want to do is eat a live being, or eat blood, or eat meat.
00:37:42I am controlling this.
00:37:44Get it.
00:37:45It's quite amazing to see how far technology can go forward if you're not paying attention.
00:37:53One message received.
00:37:59There is a crucifix behind you.
00:38:02So down on that one, like halfway down, we'll focus it.
00:38:05Maybe smile.
00:38:06Gloria, Gloria.
00:38:11You want to find you.
00:38:12Yeah.
00:38:13Right, right.
00:38:14I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
00:38:19Yes, now Google it.
00:38:21Stu is the first human friend that I've had for a long time.
00:38:25With humans, there's a tendency to die.
00:38:30Yeah.
00:38:31We can look at her photos.
00:38:33Oh, yes.
00:38:34Or we could poke here.
00:38:37Yes.
00:38:39Can we see a movie of a sunrise?
00:38:43Oh, shit.
00:38:44Oh, nice.
00:38:46If we push images, then we can see pictures of virgins.
00:38:49Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:54I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that.
00:39:10There he is, yeah.
00:39:12This is my old servant, Philipp.
00:39:14So I'm going to call him.
00:39:16Yeah.
00:39:17And...
00:39:18He's calling.
00:39:24My God, that's him, that's him, that's him.
00:39:26That's Philipp, that's Philipp.
00:39:27He looks so...
00:39:29Hello, Maestro Viano.
00:39:32It's been so long.
00:39:34You haven't changed at all.
00:39:37Tell me, have you seen Katrin?
00:39:41There's no hurry.
00:39:44You know, love is patient.
00:39:46Listen, Philipp, you paid for the wrong photo on the box.
00:39:52What?
00:39:53Yes, for the sale.
00:39:55You paid for the wrong one.
00:39:57And it took a long time to get here.
00:40:00Maestro, you promised me to turn me into a vampire.
00:40:05Now I'm already 90.
00:40:07Oh.
00:40:08You promised.
00:40:09I'm so old.
00:40:10Yeah, well, it was great to see you.
00:40:13See you, Philipp.
00:40:16All right.
00:40:17Just click in here, then.
00:40:46Data about where things are.
00:41:03Oh, like Google Maps.
00:41:05Yeah, kind of like Google Maps, but like more layers of information.
00:41:09The movie Twilight.
00:41:10Have you seen it?
00:41:11No.
00:41:12Okay, I'm the main guy of Twilight.
00:41:13You know the main guy?
00:41:14Twilight?
00:41:15That's me.
00:41:16There's cameras following me around.
00:41:17They could have chosen anyone.
00:41:19How many people have you told you're a vampire?
00:41:21Not many.
00:41:22I heard that girl talking about it.
00:41:24You said you're a vampire.
00:41:26Yeah, I told her.
00:41:27Who else?
00:41:28Who did you tell?
00:41:29I told her hot friends.
00:41:30You can't tell everyone that you're a vampire.
00:41:33Who's that guy?
00:41:34I don't know, but I trust him.
00:41:36Keep it under your hat.
00:41:37I can't tell everyone.
00:41:38I won't.
00:41:39Vampire!
00:41:40Vampire!
00:41:42Vampire!
00:41:44Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition.
00:41:46What's wrong with them?
00:41:47Uh, vampire eyes.
00:41:48Can't go into the sun.
00:41:50Oh my god, are they your fangs?
00:41:52For real?
00:41:53For real, real.
00:41:55Too real, real.
00:41:56I'm a vampire though.
00:41:57You're a vampire?
00:41:58Yeah.
00:41:59I'm a vampire hunter, man.
00:42:01No, you're not.
00:42:02Are you?
00:42:03Fucking piece of shit.
00:42:04I'll Skype you.
00:42:05I float.
00:42:06I do Transformers stuff.
00:42:07Same.
00:42:08Where you going?
00:42:09Yeah.
00:42:10I'll show you.
00:42:12You show me.
00:42:13Show me some of your vampire stuff.
00:42:14What have I got?
00:42:15Um...
00:42:21Don't lie about transforming into shit.
00:42:30Twilight!
00:42:31Shut up, Nick!
00:42:33You're not Twilight.
00:42:34What's your problem?
00:42:35You are my problem.
00:42:37Telling the world that we are vampires.
00:42:39I'm going to tell the whole world that you're an asshole now, though.
00:42:41Shut up!
00:42:43You shut up.
00:42:44Guys!
00:42:45You shut up!
00:42:46Dracula, man!
00:42:47You're not Dracula!
00:42:48Dracula, man!
00:42:49You don't even know who Dracula is, you idiot!
00:42:55Best fight!
00:42:56Best fight!
00:43:06Oh, deacon.
00:43:09That wasn't fair, man.
00:43:11Fucking jacket, man.
00:43:12I don't care about your stupid jacket.
00:43:16Deacon!
00:43:17Yes, Cameron?
00:43:35Hey, Stu.
00:43:37How's your whims?
00:43:40What?
00:43:41You're eating worms.
00:43:48Can you do this shit where you turn into worms?
00:43:51No, it doesn't work on chips.
00:43:53Only works on things that already look like worms.
00:43:56Maybe noodles?
00:43:57Do you want some noodles?
00:43:58What's he knows now?
00:44:01Oh, no, I wouldn't eat that.
00:44:06Why?
00:44:10Are you okay, Mick?
00:44:13You alright?
00:44:20He ate the chips.
00:44:22I can't eat solids now.
00:44:23Great.
00:44:24What, I can't sunbathe?
00:44:25I can't watch daytime TV?
00:44:27I can if I...
00:44:28Oh, yeah, I guess I could.
00:44:30More than anything, just the chips.
00:44:32I don't know.
00:44:33I don't know.
00:44:34I don't know.
00:44:35I don't know.
00:44:36I don't know.
00:44:37I don't know.
00:44:38I can't eat the chips.
00:44:39It's my favourite food.
00:44:40I can't eat chips.
00:44:42I don't...
00:44:43I hate...
00:44:44I'll say it.
00:44:45I'm over being a vampire.
00:44:46It's shit.
00:44:47So don't believe the hype.
00:45:06Jackie!
00:45:09Jackie, can I come in, please?
00:45:11Okay, off to bed, guys.
00:45:12Hello, children.
00:45:13Don't look at the man.
00:45:15Akasha, don't look at the man.
00:45:18I was going to bite you tonight.
00:45:20Really?
00:45:21But now I can't because there's this Mick being a vampire.
00:45:24Sorry, I thought you killed him two months ago.
00:45:26No, I didn't.
00:45:27No, he's a vampire.
00:45:28What do you mean?
00:45:29He jumped in front of your place.
00:45:32All I'm saying is that, um...
00:45:34You know, if I had a penis, I would have been bitten years ago.
00:45:38I may have to penalise you.
00:45:41Perhaps another couple of years.
00:45:43Perhaps ten years.
00:45:44Hmm?
00:45:45Like one big circle just biting each other's dicks.
00:45:47You know, they don't even wear shirts.
00:45:49They wear blouses.
00:45:50It's this big homoerotic dick-biting club,
00:45:53and I'm stuck here ironing their fucking frills.
00:45:56Also, clean the bathroom, please.
00:45:58There's blood everywhere.
00:45:59It is gruesome.
00:46:01Okay.
00:46:02See you tomorrow.
00:46:04See you tomorrow.
00:46:09Afternoon, please.
00:46:24Kat Sarin.
00:46:26She was so charming and nice.
00:46:28She was everything I wanted.
00:46:30Unfortunately, yeah, she was married.
00:46:34Sure, I wanted to kill the guy.
00:46:36I thought about chopping his head off,
00:46:39draining him of every drop of blood that he had.
00:46:42Who wouldn't?
00:46:45But then I also saw how happy she was.
00:46:49And that made me kind of happy.
00:46:53And I didn't want to ruin it for her, so...
00:46:55I did the honorable thing,
00:46:57and I just stepped back
00:47:00and let her live her life.
00:47:26Peter!
00:47:28Peter!
00:47:30Peter!
00:47:31Peter!
00:47:32Peter!
00:47:33Peter!
00:47:35Peter!
00:47:36Get water!
00:47:38Get out of the sunlight!
00:47:39Water! Get water!
00:47:40Get water!
00:47:41Peter, get away from the sunlight!
00:47:43Get in the shadows!
00:47:44Peter!
00:47:45Get out of the sunlight!
00:47:47Get out of my way!
00:47:50It's going in!
00:47:51No!
00:47:52I'm coming, Peter!
00:47:53Deacon, no!
00:47:54No, it's sunlight!
00:47:55I'm coming for you!
00:47:56It's sunlight out there!
00:47:57It's sunlight!
00:47:59It's sunlight!
00:48:06I was too late.
00:48:17Turn that thing off.
00:48:19Our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!
00:48:25So, this is what I think happened.
00:48:28The vampire hunter has broken through the window here,
00:48:33has impacted the table, breaking the table leg,
00:48:37then he has come this way,
00:48:40towards the tomb.
00:48:41Whoa!
00:48:42Ah!
00:48:43Ah!
00:48:44Ah!
00:48:45Ah!
00:48:46Ah!
00:48:47Ah!
00:48:48Ah!
00:48:49Ah!
00:48:50Ah!
00:48:52Ah!
00:48:53Ah!
00:48:54Ah!
00:48:55Crucifix!
00:48:56Cover the crucifix!
00:49:00And then,
00:49:02Peter has burst from the tomb,
00:49:04pushed the tomb lid onto the vampire hunter,
00:49:07and then the sunlight has come through here
00:49:10and burnt Peter alive.
00:49:13I think this is just a table leg, which is
00:49:15sanded down.
00:49:16Do you think he hand-sanded that?
00:49:18Yes, imagine that's stuck in your...
00:49:20Oh!
00:49:21It's quite shocking down here.
00:49:23Nick, look.
00:49:24Here's our sweet Peter.
00:49:26Oh, fuck.
00:49:27Burnt to a sizzle.
00:49:29I can't figure out this.
00:49:30He's the vampire hunter.
00:49:31Is this his front or his back?
00:49:32Oh, who's this guy?
00:49:33Look at his bloody head.
00:49:34Don't...
00:49:35Back to front.
00:49:36Twist it the other way, the other way.
00:49:37This way.
00:49:38See who this guy is.
00:49:39Yeah.
00:49:42Typical macho type.
00:49:43Yuck.
00:49:44It is.
00:49:45Oh, shit.
00:49:48I know that guy, actually.
00:49:50You know him?
00:49:51Yeah.
00:49:52What?
00:49:53I saw him the other night in town.
00:49:55Told him I was a vampire.
00:49:56What?
00:49:57I thought he was joking.
00:49:58He said he was a vampire hunter.
00:49:59You let a vampire hunter into our house?
00:50:01I didn't let him in.
00:50:02I just gave him my email.
00:50:03He doesn't...
00:50:04Nick!
00:50:05Tear out your tongue,
00:50:06and shove it down your arse!
00:50:07Yeah, easy.
00:50:10Come here!
00:50:13I'm gonna kill you!
00:50:21Tear out your tongue!
00:50:25I'll kill you with your big mouth!
00:50:28I'm gonna stay!
00:50:29Get up!
00:50:30Take a breath.
00:50:31Get up and stand on the ceiling like a man!
00:50:40We can talk about this, okay?
00:50:41We can talk about this.
00:50:42I'm gonna kill you!
00:50:43I'm already dead!
00:50:45Dude, stay back!
00:50:51Shut the door.
00:50:52I'm gonna go.
00:50:53I'm gonna go.
00:51:01Oh, shit.
00:51:04Good evening, sir.
00:51:05Hello, police.
00:51:06Hi, I'm Constable O'Leary.
00:51:07This is Constable Minogue.
00:51:08We're just responding to reports of a possible forced entry
00:51:11and also a rather large amount of shrieking.
00:51:14Just wondering if maybe we could come in,
00:51:16just have a wee look around.
00:51:17Okay.
00:51:19Hello, what's with the camera?
00:51:21Yeah, obviously we're just here
00:51:22because there was a phone call from a member of the public
00:51:24about a bit of a disturbance, some loud noises,
00:51:28possibly a forced entry, wasn't there?
00:51:30And also maybe a bit of smoke coming out.
00:51:32So we're just checking over the scene,
00:51:33making sure everything's above board, so to speak,
00:51:36and making sure no one's in danger, that kind of thing.
00:51:39We might go up and have a wee look up there,
00:51:40if that's all right with you.
00:51:42Come on, mate.
00:51:43You lead the way.
00:51:44Yep.
00:51:46Okay.
00:51:47Smells a bit weird in here too, mate.
00:51:48Yeah.
00:51:49What do you call that?
00:51:52Barbecue.
00:51:56You will not notice anything out of the ordinary.
00:52:00No, we certainly hope not.
00:52:02Let's just keep going.
00:52:04Hi there, guys.
00:52:05How are you?
00:52:06Hi, fellas.
00:52:08Is this the room we've heard all the shouting coming from?
00:52:10This is me.
00:52:12Yeah, okay, we've had a couple of reports, okay.
00:52:14People not that happy about the level of noise here.
00:52:16Okay, keep the neighbours.
00:52:17You can't keep screaming when there's this many people around, mate.
00:52:19You've got neighbours on either side.
00:52:20Really nervous.
00:52:21I've hypnotised those cops.
00:52:23I'm not a great hypnotiser, so I could wear off any second.
00:52:27I really hope that those guys don't kill those police,
00:52:29because it would mean more police will come,
00:52:31possibly even Christians,
00:52:33which is totally the last thing we need in this house.
00:52:36I can see you having a good time.
00:52:37End of the day.
00:52:38We've got to keep the peace, okay?
00:52:40Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:52:42See what I'm seeing?
00:52:43What's that, Minogue?
00:52:46You're joking.
00:52:48Not a smoke alarm in sight.
00:52:49No smoke detectors, mate.
00:52:51Rule number one, smoke detectors.
00:52:54Okay.
00:52:55Rule number two, maybe not so many barbecues inside.
00:52:57Sort of, fellas.
00:52:59Barbecue smells really strong down here, doesn't it?
00:53:02Yeah.
00:53:03Who's this guy?
00:53:05Um, that's a friend who came to our party.
00:53:09Mate, you all right?
00:53:10He's drunk.
00:53:11That's what I thought.
00:53:12Drunk guy.
00:53:13Look, you can't just leave him down here like that, okay?
00:53:16This guy's not having a good time.
00:53:17He's going to feel terrible tomorrow morning.
00:53:19Well, his soul is in hell.
00:53:21Well, I don't know where his soul is,
00:53:22but all I'm saying is, where's his blanket?
00:53:24There's a big slab of concrete on him.
00:53:26Yeah.
00:53:27That's definitely not going to be comfortable.
00:53:29Anything else in here, Minogue?
00:53:30No, I think I've seen enough.
00:53:31Okay.
00:53:32Hang on a minute.
00:53:33What have we got here?
00:53:36Yeah, what is that?
00:53:37This.
00:53:38Oh, this.
00:53:39It's seen as clearly as I can.
00:53:40Adhesive, mate.
00:53:41That's flammable.
00:53:42Then you've got a lamp on top of that,
00:53:44directly underneath the power source.
00:53:46That is quite bad.
00:53:47It's a very bad combination.
00:53:48And no smoke detectors again, are there?
00:53:50No.
00:53:51Yes, there are.
00:53:52Yes, there are.
00:53:53Okay, there are.
00:53:54That's good.
00:53:55Let's just think about this.
00:53:56Yeah, lots to think about.
00:53:57Next flat meeting, yeah?
00:53:58Yeah, good thinking.
00:53:59That's the thing.
00:54:00Just have a bit of dialogue about it.
00:54:01Okay.
00:54:02They've got a really good point.
00:54:04Wait, let's kill them.
00:54:06Well, let's just see what other safety points they have,
00:54:09and then maybe we can...
00:54:20I call into session this trial of Nick of Wellington.
00:54:30Read the charges.
00:54:32Problems we have with Nick.
00:54:35Number one, you brought a human into our house
00:54:38which is a big no-no in the vampire world.
00:54:40Stu's okay, though.
00:54:41Yeah, Stu's fine, so I guess we'll just cross that one out.
00:54:50Thank you, Stu.
00:54:51Thank you, Stu.
00:54:52So, the new number one.
00:54:54Nick's been telling people he's a vampire
00:54:57that in turn resulted in an unwanted visit
00:55:01from a vampire hunter.
00:55:03Crime number two.
00:55:05This is quite a biggie, Nick.
00:55:07The vampire hunter who killed Peter.
00:55:11That actually should have been crime number one,
00:55:14but we wanted to build up to that.
00:55:16Number three.
00:55:17Deacon doesn't like that you wear the same jacket as him,
00:55:21and he would like you to find your own original style.
00:55:25For these crimes of which we, the Vampire Council,
00:55:29find you guilty,
00:55:31you shall be banished from our flat indefinitely.
00:55:35Indefinitely.
00:55:36Indefinitely.
00:55:37So I can come back?
00:55:38No, no.
00:55:39Indefinitely means there is no end.
00:55:41I thought there was...
00:55:42No, indefinite means that it's not a definite thing.
00:55:45It can be changed.
00:55:46Yes, but it's long.
00:55:47It could be tomorrow, it could be six months.
00:55:49No, it is not tomorrow.
00:55:50Forget about it.
00:55:51You're banished.
00:55:52You're banished.
00:55:53But, Stu, you can visit if you like.
00:55:57For your crimes,
00:55:58you will be made to suffer the procession of shame.
00:56:03I asked them, Nick.
00:56:04I asked them not to pass that sentence.
00:56:06We should do this immediately, in my opinion.
00:56:09You didn't ask.
00:56:10You didn't ask.
00:56:11You were saying yes.
00:56:16Well, this is what's going to happen.
00:56:18Stu thinks it's quite extreme.
00:56:20Let us do the procession of shame now.
00:56:26Shame.
00:56:27Shame.
00:56:28Shame.
00:56:29Shame.
00:56:30Shame.
00:56:31Bad vampire.
00:56:32Shame.
00:56:34You go, Stu.
00:56:41Bye, Stu.
00:56:59That was a shame.
00:57:02It was a shame.
00:57:25So today we have an invitation
00:57:28to the big event of the year.
00:57:31They have burnt the edges like a treasure map or something.
00:57:36It's very authentic, isn't it?
00:57:38Dearly Departed. That's us.
00:57:42The Wellington Vampire Association, in conjunction with the Lower Hutt Vampire Witch Club
00:57:47and the Karori Zombie Society,
00:57:50invites you to attend the Unholy Masquerade on the night of the 6th of June,
00:57:57starting at 6pm.
00:58:04Unholy Masquerade, of course, is a great time for the undead community of Wellington.
00:58:08There are zombies there, vampires, banshees, all having a dance together.
00:58:14It's always a big deal for me. Love it.
00:58:17One year I went to the Unholy Masquerade dressed as Whoopi Goldberg
00:58:22from Sister Act 1 and Sister Act 2, back in the habit.
00:58:28It didn't go down so well because he was a nun.
00:58:32Vampires don't like nuns.
00:58:35Of course, the big deal of the Unholy Masquerade is every year they announce the Guest of Honour.
00:58:41I don't know if I should be saying this, but I heard a little rumour
00:58:47that the Guest of Honour this year might be me.
00:58:53The location...
00:58:55Oh, yeah, where is it?
00:58:57...for the Cathedral of Despair.
00:58:59And the Guest of Honour will be...
00:59:05Who is it? Show me.
00:59:08Okay.
00:59:09Okay.
00:59:10Okay.
00:59:11Okay, that's fine.
00:59:12Okay.
00:59:13That's fine.
00:59:20Vladislav has just had a reaction to the information that the Guest of Honour will be me.
00:59:29Vladislav has just had a reaction to the information that the Guest of Honour will be the Beast.
00:59:43The darkest part of my mind is reserved for the Beast.
00:59:47If I could tell you a thing or two about the Beast...
00:59:49You should pray that you never have to see the Beast.
00:59:52This one is called the Beast.
00:59:53And I said, get your hands off my balls, Beast!
00:59:57He may have told you some stories about his great battle with the Beast.
01:00:01Yeah, oh, I fought the Beast on a cliff.
01:00:03Oh, I fought the Beast in a swamp.
01:00:06Oh, and then one time I fought the Beast in the toilets of a nightclub.
01:00:11Difficult battle.
01:00:12I hope you never see the Beast.
01:00:16The Beast.
01:00:27You can't go to the ball as Blade.
01:00:29He's a vampire hunter.
01:00:30Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes, so to...
01:00:33No, it's inappropriate.
01:00:34Okay, Vlad.
01:00:35The green jumpers or the black leather with the dragon belt?
01:00:39We're having a mild crisis here.
01:00:41Which pants do you want to wear?
01:00:42Just look at the pants, Vlad.
01:00:43Look at the pants.
01:00:44They're just pants.
01:00:45Shit, Vlad.
01:00:46Holy shit.
01:00:47Oh, you look terrible.
01:00:49The black pants.
01:00:51Get dressed.
01:00:52I don't know if I feel up to it, really.
01:00:54You don't look that great, but if you eat someone on the way...
01:00:56I'm fine.
01:00:57...and rejuvenate a little bit...
01:00:58You could probably wear a mask or something.
01:01:00Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.
01:01:03What are you bidding on?
01:01:05I'm bidding on the table.
01:01:07Are you coming or not?
01:01:08No.
01:01:09I'm going to go change.
01:01:10We're leaving in ten minutes.
01:01:11Have a good time.
01:01:14We tend to often, you know, without getting into that kind of stuff,
01:01:18which I'm really sick of that, but, you know,
01:01:21it's just harder for us to actually chase people around.
01:01:25Can I have a toast?
01:01:27Cheers.
01:01:28Cheers.
01:01:29Cheers.
01:01:30Cheers.
01:01:31Cheers.
01:01:32Cheers.
01:01:33Cheers.
01:01:34Cheers.
01:01:35Cheers.
01:01:36Cheers.
01:01:37Cheers.
01:01:38Cheers.
01:01:39Cheers.
01:01:40Cheers.
01:01:41Cheers.
01:01:43Gary and Alisha, hi...
01:01:52So we're at the Unholy Masquerade.
01:01:55It's great.
01:01:56This is my mask, which I made for the occasion.
01:02:01Hey!
01:02:03Jackie!
01:02:05This is an undead party.
01:02:06Yeah, I'm a vampire.
01:02:07You'll have your...
01:02:08I'm a vampire, I'm a vampire.
01:02:10Greg. So, um, who bit you?
01:02:13Oh, Nick.
01:02:14Oh, Greg. Yeah.
01:02:16OK.
01:02:17Deacon!
01:02:20Pretty rude, because she was my servant.
01:02:24She was a pretty useless servant, I wouldn't bother you.
01:02:27Yes, but still, I would have been appreciated if you had asked.
01:02:30How's Stu? Stu's good.
01:02:32He's here. Oh, he's here.
01:02:34Stu! Stu!
01:02:36Hey! How are you?
01:02:38Hey!
01:02:40Has anyone looked at you like they want to eat you at all?
01:02:44Uh, no.
01:02:45Can you hear me at the back?
01:02:47On behalf of the Wellington Vampire Society,
01:02:51the Lower Hutt Vampire and Witch Club,
01:02:55and the Karori Zombie Society,
01:02:58we welcome you here tonight.
01:03:00We're raffling a live meat pack this year.
01:03:03You can inspect the prize over here to my left.
01:03:06It's a wonderful prize.
01:03:08Tickets are only $10 each, or $45 for a book of five.
01:03:12Now, without further ado,
01:03:14it's my very great pleasure to introduce to you
01:03:18this year's guest of honour, Pauline Ivalovich.
01:03:22CHEERING
01:03:28That's the Beast.
01:03:30The Beast is the name I give to my ex-girlfriend, Pauline.
01:03:35She prefers Pauline.
01:03:37We had a very intense relationship.
01:03:40We were very sexually explosive.
01:03:43Last time I saw her, she impaled me and called me an arsehole.
01:03:49She said all kinds of things that really hurt me,
01:03:53and all this while I was impaled on a lamppost.
01:03:57Well, everyone, I will be mingling around,
01:04:00and I really hope that I will meet all of you.
01:04:22Hello.
01:04:23That's the new guy.
01:04:25We don't even know what kind of vampire he is.
01:04:28He's a vampire.
01:04:34Hello.
01:04:35Hi, how are you?
01:04:36This is Deacon.
01:04:37Hello, Deacon.
01:04:38This is Stu Rampage.
01:04:40How are you?
01:04:42Hi, I'm Julian.
01:04:43You've got really warm hands, too.
01:04:45You a demon?
01:04:47No, he's not a demon.
01:04:49I'm a software analyst.
01:04:51You should go dance with anyone.
01:04:55Sure.
01:04:56Take your time.
01:04:57I like Stu.
01:04:58He's not a vampire.
01:05:00He's a zombie.
01:05:01Am I a witch?
01:05:03He's neither.
01:05:05He's more of a human.
01:05:08Excuse me.
01:05:09Excuse me.
01:05:10Hi.
01:05:11Nick, hey.
01:05:12Nick, do you mind if Stu is killed?
01:05:17I don't feel that good about it.
01:05:19Can I just ask you a personal question?
01:05:24Sure.
01:05:26Are you pre-deceased?
01:05:31If anyone's going to eat him, it's going to be us.
01:05:35But we're not.
01:05:36We're perfect.
01:05:37They can just go fuck themselves.
01:05:39Nick, it is your fault.
01:05:40Okay?
01:05:41You brought a human into this day in the vampire's nest.
01:05:44What a plus one whole thing.
01:05:45Yes, you did.
01:05:46What a plus one.
01:05:47Lovely talking to you.
01:05:48I've got to shoot off now.
01:05:49See you later on.
01:05:56As soon as one vampire takes a bite, it's a frenzy.
01:05:59We've got to get him out.
01:06:00Follow me.
01:06:01Follow me.
01:06:02Excuse me.
01:06:03Sorry, guys.
01:06:04Okay, Stu.
01:06:05Put that over your bloody red face.
01:06:08Oh, yeah.
01:06:09It's a cigarette.
01:06:10Oh, hey.
01:06:11Okay, not that way.
01:06:12This way.
01:06:13This way.
01:06:14Is there another way?
01:06:15Oh.
01:06:16Take it away from the vampire, guys.
01:06:19Excuse me, everyone.
01:06:20Can I have your attention, please?
01:06:24Some of the vampires forget unholy masquerade rules.
01:06:28They brought a human, and they don't let us to feast on him.
01:06:37This was a total misunderstanding.
01:06:39There was on the invitation, and this actually pertains to you,
01:06:42the invitation, it said plus one, but it did not specify
01:06:46if it could be a human or if it could be a werewolf.
01:06:49Yeah, but he could be a vampire hunter for all we know.
01:06:52He could be texting his mates,
01:06:53and I've got them all in the one place.
01:06:55Come on over, and we'll have a vampire barbecue.
01:06:57Well, he's not.
01:06:58He's not doing that.
01:06:59How do we know that?
01:07:00He's wearing a bow tie.
01:07:01Look at him.
01:07:02Stu, tell them what you do.
01:07:03Come on, Stu.
01:07:04Tell us what you do.
01:07:05Tell them what you do, Stu.
01:07:07Hi, my name's Stu.
01:07:09Louder, louder.
01:07:10Hi, my name is Stu.
01:07:11I work in IT.
01:07:12I can't hear.
01:07:13Louder.
01:07:14Stu, they can't hear you.
01:07:15They cannot hear you.
01:07:16Hi, my name's Stu.
01:07:17I'm a software analyst.
01:07:18I work for a geographic information systems company.
01:07:21Sorry, what is it?
01:07:22I work for a company that does,
01:07:24basically we take business requirements from organisations,
01:07:27and we analyse those requirements,
01:07:30and then we build software to fit those requirements.
01:07:33He is a virgin.
01:07:34He is a virgin.
01:07:35I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces.
01:07:38Go on then.
01:07:39Go a thousand paces that way and smell yourself.
01:07:42I can't wait anymore.
01:07:47No!
01:07:52There shall be no eating of the human.
01:07:55Who are you all of a sudden?
01:07:57You have forgotten your former lover so quickly.
01:08:05Georgie?
01:08:07No, not Georgie.
01:08:09Like five years after.
01:08:10Five years later.
01:08:12Wait a minute.
01:08:13Just one moment.
01:08:15No.
01:08:17No.
01:08:18Just one moment.
01:08:20No.
01:08:21No, I've got it.
01:08:22I've got it.
01:08:23It takes away from...
01:08:26Hello, beast.
01:08:28Hello, arsehole.
01:08:29Hey, don't call me arsehole.
01:08:31Don't call me beast.
01:08:33This is Vladislav.
01:08:34Absolutely the same.
01:08:35This is my ex-boyfriend.
01:08:36You know, the one who fucked at the wheel?
01:08:37Oh, all right.
01:08:38That's old business.
01:08:39That's personal business.
01:08:40Nice to meet you, arsehole.
01:08:41This is my lover.
01:08:42You will not feast on the blood of the human known as Stu.
01:08:45Listen, arsehole.
01:08:46This is human and this is the rules.
01:08:48And what is cameras doing here?
01:08:49One, then another one.
01:08:50What is this?
01:08:51You're making a documentary.
01:08:52This is a private secret society, mate.
01:08:54You don't go bringing your bloody cameras and do everything.
01:08:57You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy.
01:08:59Maybe one camera guy.
01:09:00I'm not talking about bloody hair with you at the moment.
01:09:02And all your mates behind there, whoever the hell they are.
01:09:05We're going to eat the human being
01:09:06and there's nothing you can do about it, all right?
01:09:08Now back off and let my missus get away.
01:09:11Oh, there's nothing I can do about it.
01:09:13That's fine.
01:09:14Well, what about this?
01:09:16Scandal.
01:09:17It's wicked.
01:09:18Scandal.
01:09:19It's not equal.
01:09:21Vampire fight.
01:09:23Get him, son of a gun.
01:09:39Scandal.
01:09:40He's killing him.
01:09:41It is forbidden for vampires
01:09:43to kill vampires.
01:09:47What the fuck?
01:09:53Are you okay, man?
01:09:54Get out.
01:09:56We should probably go, Stu.
01:09:59It was great to see you, Pauline.
01:10:01Asshole.
01:10:02Bastard.
01:10:05He's a murderer.
01:10:06That was great how we both,
01:10:07we both together equally destroyed that guy.
01:10:10Yeah, yeah.
01:10:11But it was more Stu with a giant stick.
01:10:13Heart dust doesn't make it awkward for you and the beast.
01:10:16No, I think it's opened up new possibilities.
01:10:19Oh, no.
01:10:21Here we go again.
01:10:23Here we go again.
01:10:24Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu.
01:10:26Stu, Stu, Stu.
01:10:28Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu.
01:10:30Stu, Stu.
01:10:32Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:10:33Stop, stop.
01:10:34Listen, listen.
01:10:35You smell that?
01:10:38This way.
01:10:41Werewolves.
01:10:43Oh, no.
01:10:44Look what the cat did again, huh?
01:10:46Piss off.
01:10:47Keep walking.
01:10:48Don't hassle us tonight.
01:10:49There has been no hassle here.
01:10:51Well, let it stay that way.
01:10:52Keep chaining yourselves up.
01:10:54Guys, where's your tracksuit pants?
01:10:56It was washing night.
01:10:57My muscles couldn't wash them
01:10:58because there was too much blood in them, so...
01:11:00Well, your legs expand.
01:11:01They grow into the tracksuit.
01:11:02Oh.
01:11:03Those jeans are going to rip completely.
01:11:04You've lost all those trousers, guys.
01:11:06Declan, that tree's far too thin.
01:11:08Look at it.
01:11:09It's like a branch.
01:11:10You know how big you get when you transform?
01:11:12That's the wrong tree for you.
01:11:14Anton, I've...
01:11:15Oh, no.
01:11:16You've forgotten the combination.
01:11:18Why did you get a combination lock?
01:11:20I lost my key last time.
01:11:21Okay, well, it's probably four zeros.
01:11:23That's the factory setting, is it?
01:11:24Fuck off to a tree.
01:11:25Hey!
01:11:26Werewolves, not...
01:11:27Yeah, I know.
01:11:28On transformation nights, it's all right, all right?
01:11:30I'm getting stressed out.
01:11:31I was just reminding you.
01:11:33Stop talking and chain yourself up, you dickhead.
01:11:35Honestly, we're transforming.
01:11:37All right, we keep walking.
01:11:38Yeah, keep walking.
01:11:39Well, we're walking.
01:11:40By the way, I find that offensive.
01:11:41Is that fur?
01:11:42Oh, for crying out loud.
01:11:44Don't look at the fur, everyone.
01:11:46Get back to your trees, okay?
01:11:47That's disgusting, man.
01:11:48Hands off.
01:11:49Declan.
01:11:50Hands off.
01:11:51It's not real fur.
01:11:52Oh, shit!
01:11:53All right.
01:11:54Honestly, get out of here.
01:11:55Take your humans.
01:11:56That guy in the bow tie, he's going to go first.
01:11:58Those camel crews, get out of here.
01:12:00Quick.
01:12:01Take all your clothes off that you want to keep, everyone.
01:12:04Get that army surplus jacket off you,
01:12:05but I just bought that, Nathan.
01:12:08Get that camper out of my face.
01:12:10Guys, guys, guys, let's go.
01:12:11Let's go.
01:12:12Come on.
01:12:14Guys, you run.
01:12:15Go.
01:12:18Let's go.
01:12:19Let's go.
01:12:26Shit.
01:12:27I got one.
01:12:38Come on.
01:12:39Come on.
01:12:44Go!
01:12:45Go!
01:12:46Go!
01:12:47Go!
01:12:48Go!
01:12:49Malik!
01:12:50Malik!
01:12:51Go!
01:12:52Go, go!
01:12:57Dude!
01:12:58Dude!
01:12:59Dude!
01:13:03Dude!
01:13:06Hey! Hey!
01:13:08Stu, are you alright?
01:13:11Stu!
01:13:13Stu!
01:13:15Fuck off, asshole!
01:13:18Fuck off!
01:13:20Fuck off!
01:13:21Get off, Sid!
01:13:24Oi!
01:13:25You stink, Jacob Ackles!
01:13:32Stupid werewolf!
01:13:34Get away, Nick! Don't look at the blood!
01:13:37No, Stu!
01:13:38Stu!
01:13:40Leave him alone, he's a really good dude!
01:13:42Leave him alone!
01:13:43It's too late for him!
01:13:44Don't look at the blood, Nick!
01:13:45Stu!
01:13:58There he is.
01:14:00He's probably still a little upset having seen his best friend disemboweled by werewolves.
01:14:09Nick!
01:14:11I found you.
01:14:14Whoa!
01:14:17That was pretty full-on, eh?
01:14:25But this is what happens when you're a vampire.
01:14:30You have to watch everyone die.
01:14:34Your mother and father, or your friends.
01:14:38Sometimes brutal.
01:14:42Like slipping and falling onto a giant spike.
01:14:46Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves.
01:14:51And having some of them block your windpipe.
01:14:54Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers.
01:15:00And being attacked by ducks, geese, swans.
01:15:06Or simply dying of old age.
01:15:11But even old age is brutal.
01:15:14Watching your friends grow old.
01:15:17They can't piss.
01:15:19They say stupid things and their brains go.
01:15:22And they can't remember anything.
01:15:26And then one day they can't even remember who you are.
01:15:31And you wish they were dead.
01:15:34And then they do die.
01:15:39You know, if I'd known Stu, this was probably the way he wanted to go.
01:15:46Disemboweled by werewolves.
01:15:48Blood and guts splayed onto the trees.
01:15:52His face torn to shreds.
01:16:04I hope I made you feel better.
01:16:06I hope I made you feel better.
01:16:15Well, from what we can see and what we can gather,
01:16:17it looks like there's been a bit of a dog attack.
01:16:19That's really what happens when you get, you know, dangerous dogs out on the streets,
01:16:23not being looked after.
01:16:24This is not good.
01:16:26No, it's not good at all.
01:16:29There's nicer ways to go than being torn apart by what looks like a pack of dogs,
01:16:33more than just one.
01:16:34Yeah, I'd say so.
01:16:35These attacks are becoming more and more frequent.
01:16:36They're happening on a monthly basis.
01:16:38And it's just, it's no good for anybody, okay?
01:16:40Especially not the dogs.
01:16:41Certainly not the community.
01:16:42You all right there?
01:16:43She's got the bars up.
01:16:44One of them here, eh?
01:16:45And that's not talking about, look at it.
01:16:47End of the day, this dog is going to have to be put down.
01:16:49What a shame.
01:16:52Look what you did.
01:16:54Eh?
01:16:55He's got the scent again, hasn't he?
01:16:56He wants to go again.
01:16:57He's not finished.
01:16:58Yeah.
01:17:05They say that vampires' hearts are cold and dead.
01:17:32Definitely dead.
01:17:34By still.
01:17:35People would have loved this scarf.
01:17:37It's a lovely loose knit.
01:17:40But I don't know.
01:17:41I think I still feel things inside it.
01:17:48Deacon.
01:17:50Deacon.
01:17:51Deacon.
01:17:52Wakey, wakey.
01:17:53Hey.
01:17:54Viago.
01:17:55Who's sleeping here?
01:17:56The curtains are open.
01:17:57It's nearly morning.
01:17:58You want to get sizzled to a crisp?
01:18:00You know, you've got to think a little bit about these things.
01:18:03Sorry, Viago.
01:18:04It's okay.
01:18:05Night-night.
01:18:06Okay.
01:18:34Received at 4.20am.
01:18:37Hey, guys.
01:18:38It's the vampire here.
01:18:41It's a heads up.
01:18:42I've got quite a big surprise.
01:18:45Yeah, it's going to blow everyone's minds.
01:19:00Stew!
01:19:01Hey, Deacon.
01:19:02Stew!
01:19:03How's it?
01:19:04Good to see you.
01:19:05Look at his face.
01:19:06I saw them tear you to shreds.
01:19:08Look, you look like steel.
01:19:09They didn't kill me.
01:19:10It looks cool.
01:19:13Meet some of our friends.
01:19:14Anton, Deacon.
01:19:16Hi.
01:19:17Anton.
01:19:18And Bill.
01:19:22I must have blacked out.
01:19:24And then I remember the ambulance.
01:19:26I'm going into shock.
01:19:27O'Leary!
01:19:28Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
01:19:29O'Leary!
01:19:30Yeah, coming.
01:19:31Come on, Bill.
01:19:32Come on, Bill.
01:19:36Looks like rabies, doesn't it?
01:19:37I don't know how long after that was,
01:19:39but I woke up and it was daytime.
01:19:47And I couldn't find my clothes.
01:19:51Those werewolf guys eventually found me
01:19:55and they lent me some pants.
01:19:59So, yeah, those guys have been supporting me
01:20:01because I was quite confused.
01:20:05Yeah, these are the guys who turned me into a werewolf.
01:20:09Do you knit your own jersey?
01:20:11Yes.
01:20:12Oh, yeah?
01:20:13I knit.
01:20:14Is that the moon, or...?
01:20:15Yes.
01:20:16Hopefully we won't, you know...
01:20:20Oh, this is a nice place.
01:20:22Please don't lick anything or pee on anything.
01:20:27We were worried at first, you know.
01:20:29We thought, oh, they're just going to urinate on everything.
01:20:32But they're actually really polite and pretty clean.
01:20:35There was obviously that werewolf smell
01:20:37which permeated the entire house for the first half an hour,
01:20:41but we opened some windows and got rid of that.
01:20:44When Stu first suggested the idea, I thought, no way.
01:20:47You know, walking into a vampire's den, that's ludicrous.
01:20:50That's my hand.
01:20:51But I thought, well, we'll give it a shot.
01:20:53I mean, I'm the alpha male, so I made the call.
01:20:55I'm the alpha male, so generally all the other guys follow me.
01:21:00You're still Stu!
01:21:01Thanks, guys.
01:21:02What have you done to your face?
01:21:04I got attacked by some werewolves.
01:21:06Oh, I met a werewolf. Seemed a very nice person.
01:21:10So, Catherine's a vampire now?
01:21:12Yes.
01:21:13We decided to get together.
01:21:14We just thought to hell with it, you know.
01:21:16What have we got to lose?
01:21:18I was just sitting doing nothing,
01:21:20and he came floating in and over to me,
01:21:23and I recognised him. It was wonderful.
01:21:26That's right, I bit you on the neck.
01:21:28That's right.
01:21:31And I don't mind being a vampire.
01:21:33I'm enjoying it.
01:21:36Some people freak out a bit about the age difference.
01:21:39They think, what's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy four times her age?
01:21:44And, you know, I don't care.
01:21:46It doesn't make any difference.
01:21:48No, they can call me cradle snatcher, who cares?
01:21:50I decided to bite her, and we're going to be together forever.
01:21:53Wonderful.
01:22:11Pauline and I are tentatively back together,
01:22:14but it's not long before you remember
01:22:17why it was you broke up in the first place.
01:22:25We'll start in our bedroom.
01:22:27I need that totally boarded up or blacked out somehow.
01:22:29My husband is my familiar,
01:22:31so there's been a dynamic shift there.
01:22:34You could buy a bedazzler, so write that down,
01:22:36because that's B-E-D.
01:22:38I feel like I'm who I'm really meant to be now.
01:22:40I love you.
01:22:42I love you too.
01:22:43Great.
01:22:44But I am your master.
01:22:46OK.
01:22:49These guys have to laugh at my jokes, right guys?
01:22:51Yeah!
01:22:54I always look around and make sure they're all laughing.
01:22:56If I see one of them's not quite laughing,
01:22:58I'll go, hey, are you laughing?
01:23:00And then off and I'll test you, hey, were you laughing at?
01:23:02Tristan.
01:23:03Huh?
01:23:04Were you laughing at now?
01:23:05Just then?
01:23:06Yeah, yeah, but what?
01:23:07Oh, I don't know.
01:23:08Oh, test failed!
01:23:09Test failed!
01:23:10Hey, mate!
01:23:11Laughing now?
01:23:12What are you laughing at now, though?
01:23:13What are you laughing at now, though?
01:23:14I don't know.
01:23:15Test failed!
01:23:16Ha, ha, ha!
01:23:17What are you laughing at, Hugh?
01:23:19Oh, I was laughing with the group.
01:23:21Yeah, that's good, that's good.
01:23:22Yeah, he said the same thing.
01:23:23Really?
01:23:24Yeah.
01:23:25Just pay attention.
01:23:26Pay attention.
01:23:27Laugh with the group.
01:23:46Laugh with the group.
01:23:47Laugh with the group.
01:23:48Laugh with the group.
01:23:49Laugh with the group.
01:23:50Laugh with the group.
01:23:51Laugh with the group.
01:23:52Laugh with the group.
01:23:53Laugh with the group.
01:23:54Laugh with the group.
01:23:55Laugh with the group.
01:23:56Laugh with the group.
01:23:57Laugh with the group.
01:23:58Laugh with the group.
01:23:59Laugh with the group.
01:24:00Laugh with the group.
01:24:01Laugh with the group.
01:24:02Laugh with the group.
01:24:03Laugh with the group.
01:24:04Laugh with the group.
01:24:05Laugh with the group.
01:24:06Laugh with the group.
01:24:07Laugh with the group.
01:24:08Laugh with the group.
01:24:09Laugh with the group.
01:24:10Laugh with the group.
01:24:11Laugh with the group.
01:24:12Laugh with the group.
01:24:13Laugh with the group.
01:24:14Laugh with the group.
01:24:15Laugh with the group.
01:24:16Laugh with the group.
01:24:17Laugh with the group.
01:24:18Laugh with the group.
01:24:19Laugh with the group.
01:24:20Laugh with the group.
01:24:21Laugh with the group.
01:24:22Laugh with the group.
01:24:23Laugh with the group.
01:24:24Laugh with the group.
01:24:25Laugh with the group.
01:24:26Laugh with the group.
01:24:27Laugh with the group.
01:24:28Laugh with the group.
01:24:29Laugh with the group.
01:24:30Laugh with the group.
01:24:31Laugh with the group.
01:24:32Laugh with the group.
01:24:33Laugh with the group.
01:24:34Laugh with the group.
01:24:35Laugh with the group.
01:24:36Laugh with the group.
01:24:37Laugh with the group.
01:24:38Laugh with the group.
01:24:39Laugh with the group.
01:24:40Laugh with the group.
01:24:41Laugh with the group.
01:24:42Laugh with the group.
01:24:43Laugh with the group.
01:24:44Laugh with the group.
01:24:45Laugh with the group.
01:24:46Laugh with the group.
01:24:47Laugh with the group.
01:24:48Laugh with the group.
01:24:49Laugh with the group.
01:24:50Laugh with the group.
01:24:51Laugh with the group.
01:24:52Laugh with the group.
01:24:53Laugh with the group.
01:24:54Laugh with the group.
01:24:55Laugh with the group.
01:24:56Laugh with the group.
01:24:57Laugh with the group.
01:24:58Laugh with the group.
01:24:59Laugh with the group.
01:25:00Laugh with the group.
01:25:01Laugh with the group.
01:25:02Laugh with the group.
01:25:03Laugh with the group.
01:25:04Laugh with the group.
01:25:05Laugh with the group.
01:25:06Laugh with the group.
01:25:07Laugh with the group.
01:25:08Laugh with the group.
01:25:09Laugh with the group.
01:25:10Laugh with the group.
01:25:11Laugh with the group.
01:25:12Laugh with the group.
01:25:13Laugh with the group.
01:25:14Laugh with the group.
01:25:15Laugh with the group.
01:25:16Laugh with the group.
01:25:17Laugh with the group.
01:25:18Laugh with the group.
01:25:19Laugh with the group.
01:25:20Laugh with the group.
01:25:21Laugh with the group.
01:25:22Laugh with the group.
01:25:23Laugh with the group.
01:25:24Laugh with the group.
01:25:25Laugh with the group.
01:25:26Laugh with the group.
01:25:27Laugh with the group.
01:25:28Laugh with the group.
01:25:29Laugh with the group.
01:25:30Laugh with the group.
01:25:31Laugh with the group.
01:25:32Laugh with the group.
01:25:33Laugh with the group.